October 2016 – f-your blog

Hijinks At Hellfest

Editor’s Note: For this piece I’m going to break protocol and I HAVE NOT changed any of the names, but you don’t have to believe me these names and places can be Googled. Now I return you to your regularly scheduled program.

The Key Players:

Mr. Glen Benton: The Vocalist/Bassist and infamous front man of the Death Metal band called Deicide (who are considered one of the founding fathers of Death Metal). Deicide’s frequent practice of dunking their faces in a bucket of Sheep’s blood before taking the stage in the early days of Deicide’s career quickly earned them a reputation, and with their extremely brutal form of Satan Loving, Bible Hating Death Metal (littered with violent occult imagery) soon made them a Death Metal Fan Favorite. Deicide’s infamy has only grown over the years as front man Glen Benton burned an inverted cross into his forehead, placed a 9 foot inverted cross in his front yard, and Benton occasionally dousing the audience with animals internal organs (Benton has also eluded to, but NEVER confirmed rumors of animal sacrifices), but its safe to assume they were bought from a local meat market butcher or a grocery meat department. Bottom line here I suppose is Deicide is down with the Devil, know for having gruesome live performances, and being extremely Anti Christian.

Hellfest: There are in fact numerous Hellfests held around the globe yearly be they for Heavy Metal or Hardcore Punk the point being many Extreme Music Genres use the unlicensed name Hellfest for various different shows. . The Hellfest that I am talking about is the highest attended concert that is put on annually (June 16-17-18th) in Brittany, France featuring top Scandinavian, European Black, and Death Metal acts. Such acts have included Cradle of Filth, Mayhem, Bloodbath, Cannibal Corpse, Lamb of God, Venom, Obituary, Enthroned ,and Life of Agony over the years just to name a few.

The Controversy Begins: Back in 1995 Deicide released their new album titled Once Upon The Cross and promptly launched a tour in support of it. That year Hellfest contacted Deicide and Invited them to play, but for undisclosed reasons Hellfest then contacted Deicide again two weeks later and this time officially Uninvited them. This more than enraged Glen Benton to absolutely no end. Benton announced to the press (he believed) that Deicide had been shit canned because Black Metal Bands heralding from Scandinavia through Europe hate American Death Metal with a burning passion. Benton went on to proclaim the reason (again he believes) Black Metal Bands have such a vile disgust, rabid contempt and distain towards Death Metal was due to the fact they felt America took their musical style ,and shit all over it transforming it into an second rate, dumbed down inferior version.

The Unofficial Reality and Reason: After Hellfest announced that they had indeed added Deicide to Hellfest 1996 local Decide fans went on celebratory vandalism rampage by scrawling Deicide’s song title “When Satan Rules His World” on tombstones in surrounding cemeteries. This was never offered as any sort of official (or unofficial reason) for Hellfest’s cancellation of Deicides performance. Though it seems painfully obvious to see this was in all reality the real reason. You can’t rightfully blame the promoters of Hellfest that year I mean if tombstone vandalizing started by just the initial announcement of Deicides participation, but just imagine what they must have thought would happen when the actual band showed up to play.

The Back In The Day Battle That Got Me Banned From Blockbuster

Back a Billion years ago when no one gave two shits about a burgeoning little company known as Netflix and before technology brought us the ability to stream Blockbuster ruled the world. I admit whole heartedly I’m a movie addict (a film junkie strung out on celluloid ) so I had no real alternative to Blockbuster if I wished to rent a movie I was forced to deal with them.

One day I along with a few friends went to the local Blockbuster. Its important to note at this time Debit Cards where still the new big thing in banking, and I myself had recently received my first debit card mere months ago. We walked in and I proceeded to stroll over to the check out counter and asked the man standing there how would I go about acquiring a Blockbuster Membership Card (which without you couldn’t rent shit obviously) The man told me right off the bat that I would need a credit card I have still to this day NEVER owned nor EVER will own a credit card, (but thats another story all together) ,and because as I mentioned before Debit Cards had just become a big deal because they had duel purposes. One of the cool new options Debit Cards offered was the ability to select credit as a payment option upon check out so I pulled out my Debit Card and handed to him. The employee barely looked at it before handing directly back to me saying that Debit Cards didn’t count as credit cards. He then went on to say I’d have to have a American Express or some bullshit if I wanted a Membership.

Now to say that back in those cryptic times I had a short fuse would imply there was a fuse to begin with. Now in spite of this kick ass cool new Debit Card this Movie Moron was telling me that Blockbuster, when all other businesses were wildly embracing new banking technology, was going to refuse me over an antiquated system. I decided to turn a bad situation to a worse one because the Film Freak behind the counter was being utterly irrational so I was going to fuck up his day for being such an unarguable ASSHOLE. I aggressively asked the Blockbuster Bitch why the Hell Blockbuster wouldn’t allow the use of Debit Cards considering their backed by Credit Card Companies hence the Visa or MasterCard Logo on it. The Idiot Employee stated condescendingly that Blockbuster does not acknowledge Debit Cards as a valid form of payment as it were and if I couldn’t get a credit card (implying that I was a young punk kid who would be denied by any and all Credit Card Companies) then it wasn’t his or Blockbuster’s concern, and thats when all Hell started to break loose. I was glaring at the employee in undeniable hate while he stared at me with his best “Fuck You Face” as the volume of our disagreement was beginning to escalate. At this point it was no longer about a minor movie membership but a total battle of wills, this shit had become personal.

I launched into a full blown, brutal, profanity laced, obscene diatribe damn near screaming about how the fuck Blockbuster could be so motherfucking egotistical and blatantly deny memberships over trivial bullshit. I mean I wasn’t trying to buy a goddamn gun I just wanted to rent a motherfucking movie for fuck’s sake. I went on that I was the prime demographic that caused Blockbuster’s rise to rule ,but not only that the demographic that comprised the body ,and provided the blood able to sustain such a massive national company. I said that from now on fuck Blockbuster I was going to now refer to them as Cockbuster because thats exactly what the fuck they are. The verbal assault switched gears from Cockbuster the Crap filled Corporation comprised of Shit Sucking Soulless Sons of Bitchs to the conduct of their (specifically the guy I was/had been dealing with) employees and their eat shit attitude. It was the usual cliche shit, who did he think he was, what made him so fucking superior when in reality he rented fucking movies not like its fucking open heart surgery.

My buddies at this point knew things were way too far out of control and realized they only solution was to physically remove me from the store. The 3 of them formed a triangle around me as my buddy at the front tried to calm me down (or at least get me to shut the Hell up) and at the same time trying to placate the situation by talking over me as well as the employee to drown out the arguing. I then became aware I was boxed in by my buddies and that they were attempting to escort me off the premises before inevitably the Crooked Cops were called in. So under duress I was shuffled out all the while still continuing my venomous venting all the way out the door, and through the parking lot to our car.

After Thoughts and Facts:

Cockbuster slowly died and rotted away as Netflix and Streaming became the new and far better alternatives to putting up with Rental Rejects.
Cockbuster in the end before their crippling corporate demise gave me a membership with me using my finally accepted new way of the world Debit Card.
I NEVER USED THE MEMBERSHIP, I got it to PROVE I could in fact get a Membership and Cockbuster could subsequently Piss Off into Bankruptcy.
About a month or so after my run in with Cockbuster an article was published (and insanely popular with the general American public) about how Cockbuster DENIED TOM FUCKING CRUISE a Membership.
The Cockbuster that I had my run in with closed and was bulldozed to make room for extra shopping center parking because no one else want to lease the building.
I had an opportunity to return to where my Cockbuster incident occurred during a business trip and once I stood where the Cockbuster had been I proceeded to piss on it like the commercial grade grave it is.

A Nightmare’s Bad Dream

Looking back at my life a couple of centuries ago when I was a 72 and fueled by emotion not logic I met one of my best friends of all time. I lived in the apartment next door to my soon to be buddy ,and one day I was over at his apartment just killing time (which I had too much of at the time I get myself in the most trouble when I’m bored) and there was a small group of people having a lengthy conversation about Chili recipes. After approximately 20 minutes or so give or take I couldn’t stand having to listen to their conversation a minute more. Unlike other people who would just leave the apartment and go about their day I stayed for the soul purpose of antagonizing the Chili lovers for my own amusement.

I walked over and weaved my way into their conversation only to announce that Lithuanian’s (for a while I was obsessed with picking on Lithuania for some weird reason even I’m not fully aware of) Chili is by far the strangest Chili recipes in the entire known world. I backed my statement with the claim Lithuanians used Bean Sprouts as a main ingredient in their various Chili recipes. Immediately without pause one young man called me out saying that my statement about Lithuanian Chili was absolute bullshit. I then took the offense and demanded to know how in the name of all things Universal did he know what I was saying was in fact utter horseshit. He replied quite adamantly the reason he knew I was full of shit was the simple fact he WAS Lithuanian ,and that amused me to no end.

So over the following months since the Great Chili Convention Conversation my neighbor and I grew to be very good friends. Since it turned out in a bizarre stroke of luck my neighbor was really Lithuanian I dubbed him The Nightmare of Lithuania which then was reworded to The Lithuanian Nightmare (since the second version of the nickname reminded me of a 1980’s WWF Wrestler who’d have had epic pay-per-view matches against Hulk Hogan and shit) and then the final condensed version Nightmare which was the version that lasted the test of time. One day Nightmare’s roommate up and pissed off all of a sudden and Nightmare invited me to be the roommate replacement. I of course accepted his offer without a second thought, packed up my gear, told my current 2 roommates I was moving and then promptly left them standing in the living room looking rather bewildered ,and a tad unhappy about the out of the blue announcement.

Nightmare and my friendship is based on essentially how different we are which greatly improved my life thanks to Nightmare. Nightmare is one of a minute number of people that have the unique ability to calm me down once I lose my shit (My Wife would be the best of the best as the kiddies say) ,and back in those ancient days I lost my shit constantly. A Classic example of what I’m talking about is what I refer to as “2 a.m. Anger Avoidance” which played out back in those medieval days as follows. Nightmare and I would meet up in the evenings after work and other assorted shit back at our apartment. Now at some point I would vent furiously about how someone or something had totally pissed me off because what ever happened was a Damnable Offense against me, and if you fuck with me I’m going to fuck with you 10 fold. Nightmare then would spend up to several hours as the night marched on words morning slowing the progression of my angst from Rage to Anger to Disgust to accepting that indeed shit does happen.

Inevitably in an attempt to end the discussion Nightmare would remind me that the current time of night was say 2 a.m. at which point I would start to ramp up again because now on top of whatever it was that pissed me off (whoever was to blame basically) had now kept me up till 2 in the morning. Having to work his magic all over again from basically the start Nightmare would get me to simmer down so we could try and get a few hours of precious sleep before work. We had at the time taken on 2 more roommates in our 2 bedroom apartment so Nightmare and I shared a room. Now as Nightmare was desperately longing for sleep intermittently I would readdress the issue that angered me earlier that day until finally I would run out of steam and fall asleep. Unfortunately for Nightmare he would remain up a while longer and before he succumbed to sleep he would suddenly find himself agreeing that what I had been raging about the entire night was in fact quite fucked up.

I’ve Been With My Wife 12 Years & Don’t Know Her Name So What?!

I was never aware of the fact until one day like another I was standing in my neighbor Joe Bob Billy Bob Jr.’s driveway shooting the shit and drinking some beers. We were taking a brief moment in our conversation (to stare menacingly in contempt and utter disgust at a mutually disliked neighbor’s house) when out of the blue Joe Bob Billy Bob up and out right asked me what my wife’s name is. This question gave me reason to pause because it was such a simple question that at first I could only look at Joe Bob Billy Bob with vacant eyes and questioning face. I suppose it was for that reason Joe Bob Billy Bob decided it was best to elaborate a bit more upon his question. Joe Bob Billy Bob reminded me that we have been friends for 15 years or so now and during those 15 years whenever I talked about my wife I would always refer to her as just that, my wife and seemed to never use her real name. Finally Joe Bob Billy Bob’s curiosity which had grown constantly through the years as to way exactly I never called my wife by her name in conversation, and felt compelled at this point to ask why that was. I took a long drawl off of my beer and then told Joe Bob Billy Bob since he asked I’d have no problem providing an explanation for him.

Well you see I told Joe Bob Billy Bob when it comes to women I am insanely shy and quite nervous to say the least. When I realized this wonderfully wicked woman was interested in dating me (and it took forever and a day until I became aware of my Wife’s intentions were romantic) I was extremely excited and very anxious to say the least. It was due to this initial anxiety when my Wife and I started dating that a week into our relationship I realized I had no idea what her name actually was. Luckily for me due to the fact I’m better with faces then with names (point being it’ll take me a while to learn a persons name) I had given her a nickname right from the get go. So I had to make a judgement call should I get force fed a entire Humble Pie and ask her real name OR I could stick with the nickname game and see what happens. I decided to go with the later.

Immediately as soon as I was done talking Joe Bob Billy Bob announced with great conviction that he was calling Bullshit so I was inclined to ask on what grounds. Joe Bob Billy Bob stated he was calling Bullshit because when we got married we had to exchange vows at which point I would HAVE to have learned her proper name, and thusly from that point on my initial argument is moot. Not so I replied for when we were exchanging vows I was so nervous all I could hear was the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears ,BUT thanks to plenty of rehearsals I was able to fly on auto pilot as They say.

At this point Joe Bob Billy Bob obviously didn’t believe me in the least and knew my story was absolute bullshit, BUT he had no proof what so ever which left a small amount of doubt in his mind that maybe just maybe as crazy as my story sounded it could actually be true. As I started walking back to my house I said “My Wife told me to tell you to stop by and don’t be a stranger.”

Hey Hollywood Thats NOT How You Do Heroin

Preface: Let me cut the questions of how the Sam Hell I know what I’m talking about or what kind of authority on the subject I am off at the knees. Between the ages of 72 and 91 I indulged in bad decisions and seriously self destructive behavior up to and including (spending a couple of dire years) Shooting as much Heroin as I could daily. I’m one of a small handful of lucky ones as I’m clean, still alive ,healthy, and not in Prison or a State run Mental Institution. So that explains that.

First off I will give credit where credit where credit is do. The following is a short list of the Heroin Addiction properly portrayed in Hollywood Films.

The color is correct. Heroin comes in two primary colors those being White and the other being Tan.
The wax bags that Heroin is packaged in.
Stamps: Dealers stamp their bags with some insignia like a Horse’s Head or believe it or not even a coffin (theres foreshadowing for you) as a form of Advertising so if Junkies like it they know how to get the dope they want. If there is a Blue Fox stamp on the bags Junkies will refer to it as (The) Blue Fox so they not only can identify it by sight but can also request it by name.
The Cooking/Preparation of the Heroin with the token spoon,water,heating, the piece of cotton (part of a cigarette filter torn in two is quite common.), drawing the Heroin up into the syringe ,and even tieing off which is the part where the Junkie uses a belt,cord or other such thing to use as a pre injection tourniquet .

But thats as far as the accurate pretrial of the Heroin injecting process goes in Hollywood. Its rather funny that Hollywood knows all the intricacies of the process YET they still fuck it up right at the very end.

Once a Junkie purchases, prepares and draws the Dope into the syringe THIS is how its done. With that I give you the Junkie Reality List or How Dopers Do It:

Note to Reader: I think its pertinent to mention WHERE Junkies get their syringes. Most people think Junkies buy needles off dealers (which is a very slight possibility) ,buy them off other Junkies or perhaps off of Junkie Diabetics (yes they exist BUT these such Diabetics usually sell their extra syringes to supplement their almost non existent incomes POINT BEING these people are poor or have a vice of their own that needs funding (ironically 9 out of 10 times its Alcohol) NOW THE REAL DEAL IS anyone can go into any pharmacy and buy Insulin Syringes WITHOUT A DOCTOR’S PRESCRIPTION. The reason for this (especially in an age where you have to show a photo id to get cold medicine) as far as anyone can deduct is an UNOFFICIAL policy that UNOFFICIALLY ENDORSES Clean Needles (allowing the selling of Insulin Syringes without a doctor script) to prevent HIV,AIDES,BLOOD INFECTIONS,COLLAPSED VEINS AND HEPATITIS C.

With that said here is the for mentioned Junkie Injection List:

The type of syringe (as I mentioned above) Junkies use are Insulin Syringes because You don’t need a doctors script to purchase and are the needles one would find being sold on the street. IN HOLLYWOOD for some ridiculous reason have their movie Junkies using a standard 3cc syringe. 3cc syringes are the syringes your doctor uses to administer vaccinations, flu shots, tetanus shot etc. It is also the syringe (If your a pet owner) used by veterinarians to administer vaccinations, antibiotic shots, pain medication among other things. THE EASIEST EXAMPLE IS THIS A Phlebotomist (a person who draws blood) uses a 3cc syringe to draw human blood ,and veterinarians also use 3cc syringes to draw blood for testing.
The actual injection is the exact opposite of what is seen in Hollywood films. In films the actor Junkies inject themselves at absurdly WRONG ANGLES anything from 45-90 degrees which would make it medically IMPOSSIBLE to use for an intravenous injection. The reason that such wildly wrong degrees are medically incorrect is simple at those specified angles the syringe needle would PUNCTURE RIGHT THROUGH THE VEIN ITSELF ,and would come out the other side thus negating the desired injection. The degree that is correct (and is taught to medical students) is 15 degrees because you want to run along side the vein and then puncture it, any other angle your essential just stabbing through the vein (like Norman in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho ) and wasting the dope.
THE DRAW BACK, while there a small handful of films that actually do portray this part at all an example being in Quentin Tarantino’s movie Pulp Fiction when John Travolta’s character shoots up. The draw back is when the Junkie injects and once they believe they have hit and are in the desired vein the PULL THE SYRINGE PLUNGER BACK slightly to see if a bit of blood enters into the syringe. Once there is blood mixed in the syringe the Junkie knows that THEIR IN THE VEIN.

Afterward: I wrote this because over hundreds of decades since I kicked dope I have had the pleasure of meeting a few other ex-Junkies and just like me they all found it irritating as a mad ass motherfucker that Hollywood couldn’t get the last part of the process correct. Thusly I dedicate this to all of my fellow ex-Junkies around the world, its just one ex-Junkie’s attempt to set the record strait.

Eon’s Magic Mushroom Saga

It was one of those picture perfect days in the Great Southern Swamp. A crystal blue sky you could stare off into for hours, sun so bright it looked like a grotesque replica from a cheap gas station postcard and a gentle breeze to stave off the hellish heat with ungodly humidity. Eon was the only one of us (us being Eon, Armenian and myself) who had the day off from serving over priced cocktails to belligerent businessmen in over priced suits. Since the weather was so wonderful Eon decided to take a long bike ride into the center of the Swamp where there is an astounding amount of terra firma to the point it has been converted to cattle farming country long ago in a different time in the same place.

Now this wasn’t a random off the top of her head decision you see she had an exact destination complete with a obtainable goal. The hunt started off looking for the destination which was a specific field of grazing cattle which is insanely hard due to the fact thats all there is in the center of the Great Southern Swamp are cattle grazing fields. But Eon had the upper hand because she had been given vaguely cryptic directions by a well intentioned co-worker by the name of Psilocybin. The hunt concluded with the obtainable goal of harvesting some marvelous Magic Mushrooms.

I feel its pertinent to explain the correlation between the Cattle Field and the Magic Mushrooms. Its actually quite simple biological science you see. It starts with the cows who spend all day long (at sometimes night as well as they aren’t dairy cows but rather beef cows) grazing happily in the vast open fields where one field could cover up to 100 plus aches. Since the cows eat then we all know they have to shit which they do all day long as well. With the intense heat and rabid humidity along with ample sun and rain pervides the ideal weather for nurturing the growth of funguses such as mushrooms in this case. So thusly the mushrooms sprout and mature growing in/on the cow crap in the hot, steamy environment some of which are Magic Mushrooms, but I digress.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Collecting Magic Mushrooms is EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS and could lead to SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH. Why? HERES WHY:

If you don’t know the 100% positive identification of the Magic Mushroom you could pick the WRONG mushroom causing you to become VIOLENTLY SICK and in some cases they could POISON YOU AND YOU DIE.
There are BULLS out in the field NOT JUST COWS. Bulls are exactly like you’ve been told they are. BULLS ARE AGGRESSIVE, EASYLY ANGERED, TERRITORIAL and PROTECTIVE OF THE COWS as he perceives them as his women who are not to be trifled with.
REMEMBER YOUR TRESPASSING which is BREAKING THE LAW and can result in you being ARRESTED OR WORSE. In the Great Southern Swamps farmer’s CAN LEGALLY SHOOT TRESPASSERS, THEY CAN USE DEADLY FORCE BY LAW. Now most Farmer’s don’t want to kill anyone especially some stupid kids SO they load their SHOTGUNS with ROCK SALT. You see ROCK SALT SHOT OUT OF A SHOTGUN will PIERCE YOUR SKIN and if you aren’t aware Salt in a wound BURNS LIKE BOILING ACID though its virtually non lethal.
MAGIC MUSHROOMS ARE CONSIDERED AN ILLEGAL DRUG BY THE POLICE SO YOU ALSO RISK ARREST AND PROSECUTION FOR DRUG POSSESSION.

With mission in mind and hope in her heart Eon mounted her Thrift Store Special bicycle and started peddling in the direction of the designated hallucinogenic promised land. After an hour or two Eon finally stumbled more or less upon the desired field and leaned her bike up against a fence pole, checked her backpack and headed into the heart of the field. As the day trailed on Eon found a plethora of Magic Mushrooms along her travels in the field and was generally pleased with how things were working out. At one point Eon paused and took note that the sun was setting and that was her sign it was time to head on home. It didn’t take long for Eon to suddenly realize she was a tad bit lost as standing in the field was like standing on a life raft in open water, where there is no way to orient oneself. So Eon did all she could to try and retrace her steps through the field and its bovine residents until Eon noticed something out of the corner of her eye. It was a rather large penis that belonged to a even larger Bull with a massive set of menacing looking horns. Eon froze as she and the Bull eyed one another up and then Eon started to run like hell. The Bull waited a brief minute and then decided even if Eon was retreating he stilled needed to settle the score because she had effectively broken into his house. Once the Bull made up his mind he charged after Eon in enraged at her indiscretion and intent on goring her to death or perhaps just trampling her to death one or the other it supposed. Eon saw the fence marking the perimeter of the field, but was unaware it wasn’t the side of the fence she entered through. Any who Eon fueled by adrenaline and the will to live hauled ass making it to the fence and baseball sliding under it just in time to avoid being killed by the Bull. BUT Eon had exited the opposite side of the field she had entered and this side of the field ended right outside of the fence at a 5-6 foot drop strait down into the deep dark (and more than likely Alligator infested) waters of one of the Great Southern Swamps numerous interconnecting canals. Luckily for Eon she managed to at the last possible second to grab hold of the long grass and weeds to keep from plummeting into the cretinous canal. Her body still pumped up on adrenaline managed to pull Eon up onto the narrow 3 foot embankment to safety.

Eon was now faced with a dying twilight and decided the best (and really only) option was to start walking along the massive fence perimeter until she inevitably found her bike. With a huge sigh of relief Eon hopped on her bike and peddled for the comfort and safety of home. Yet there was one trial left for little Eon to endure for as Eon was biking home with a back pack filled with Magic Mushroom (approximately a quarter pound or so) which are highly illegal she was “pulled over”. As it turned out it was just a local yokel cop who was rather bored and a decent enough person to stop Eon to see if she was alright. Eon told the officer she was all good and almost home (she was in fact only 4 blocks from the house when she got stopped) and with that the cop road off none the wiser.

Vape On This!

Here is a run down on my views on Vaping:

First and foremost lets give credit where credit is due. The group of people who not only introduced America to Vaping ,and led to the first time Big Tobacco took a HUGE HIT in the American market was the Marijuana Smokers. While antismoking groups got larger they embraced Vaporizers (and it was the smartest move) as the new anti-smoking device and they were right. THE POINT IS THOUGH the group of people who introduced Vaping were Pot Smokers. Pot smokers learned that Vaping is much cleaner, smoother and insanely better for your lungs (Combustion out, Convection in as the heat source). So respect to the pot smoking community for bringing the biggest and best of the world of Vaping to the American people.

1. Vaping Marijuana: As stated above its cleaner, smoother and way healthier (because of Convection versus Combustion it removes impurities making it far less stressful on the lungs)

2. Vaping to Quit Smoking Tobacco: Highly effective as well as cost effective, and readily available. It truly is the greatest blessing upon the anti-smoker groups such as Truth.com as the number of tobacco smokers (present and future) plummeted to historical lows.

Side note: I quite smoking using and E-Cigerette which are quite amazing. Not only due they switch Convection for Combustion as the heat source, BUT they also replaced burning solid material (such as weed) for a oil based solution that emits water vapor in place of any smoke.

ITS IMPORTANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE E-Ciggerettes oil’s contain NICOTINE which is highly addictive and is not healthy!!! E-Cigerettes are meant to replace tobacco cigarettes AND THEN like the Patch or Nicotine Gum the user is meant to reduce the dosage of Nicotine until they are completely are weaned off entirely.

3. Vaping For Fun: (No Nicotine, just a wide variety of increasing flavors) Thats just fine, its healthy and harms no one. Go For It.

4. Vaping as a Trend: IF your one of those trendy hipster douche bags who spends ridiculous amount on of cash on those giant 1950’s sci-fi movie looking “Professional Vaporizers” that makes it looks like your holding a fucking DVD player or your entering Cloud Contests (assholes assemble at a Vape Shop and compete by seeing who can exhale the largest cloud of mist or some shit like that) PLEASE KILL YOURSELF NOW AND DO THE WORLD A FAVOR! STUPID PEOPLE WASTE OUR OXEGEN AND TAKE UP LIMITED SPACE!