November 2017 – Page 2

You Only Get a 1 Chance To Make a 1st Impression and They F*cked Up

Quite a while ago I was at a near by local Mall (I fucking hate Malls their a Vulgar Display of Capitalism) and We saw an entry for a contest. The prize was a White Trash Ride on Lawnmower Wet Dream. The Mower was splattered with White Trash Decals for everything from the a popular Collage, State football team, The States Flag and the Token State Symbol from tip to tail. It was such a gross case of overkill We knew we had to enter. We filled out the general information card and plopped it into the entry slot on the entry box and promptly forgot all about it.

Tuesday We got a phone call from the apparent sponsor of the Ride on Mower Contest a Smaller Alarm Company called Super Sonic Security. The Woman on the phone identified herself as Phone Drone Debbie who got our contact information off our entry card, and wanted to talk to us about Home Security AKA Alarm Company. We were all in a good mood so We decided to hear her out. So We said sure and listened to her spiel about how their company was looking to expand using word as mouth as their key strategy. Since Super Sonic Security was looking to sign up new customers they were waving this and waving that fee left and fucking right. This turned into a case of if its to good to be real deal, and My Wife and I decided there was obviously a catch and We wanted to find out what it was. At first We thought it was blatantly going to be Expensive Monthly Monitoring Fees/ Shitty Long Term Contracts. Alas We couldn’t find a hidden catch (it was fucking mind boggling really) but without any issue with costs We decided to go with the it (since We had been discussing Alarm Systems and were officially in the market for one) and scheduled a Tech to install the System the following day between 6 and 7 pm.

Well that WAS the Catch.

Wednesday 6pm came and went and by 7 I figured for whatever the reason may be the Tech wasn’t showing up for the scheduled installation. Now since I work from home and My Wife is a Nurse (who works 12 hour shifts and being an RN there is a STRICK NO PHONE POLICY the bottomline being NO CELLPHONES AT WORK.) Super Sonic Suckurity was instructed to call Me. Anyway My Wife gets home and I tell her that the fucking Tech pulled a No Show not to mention the asshole didn’t even have the professional curtesy of a fucking phone call. My Wife informed me that the Tech had called her at 6:55pm (5 minutes before he was supposed to be at Our House at the fucking latest.), but My Wife was driving so she didn’t answer (Good for her). The Tech left a rather long and completely confusing message on her voicemail. She then put her phone on speaker and played his message for me. It was the most fucking absurd load of rambling ranting I have bared witness to and I didn’t know if I wanted to kill this fuck or admire him for his horrendous display of Bullshit. As far as I can decipher the message was about how their expanding business is taking off and the schedule filled up. This I assume was the part of the message explaining the bullshit No Show accept We booked the appointment the previous night at 8:50 pm less than 24 hours ago. So the reasoning that they couldn’t fit us in made no fucking sense what so ever. One We ALREADY had an appointment scheduled, but these assholes solicited Us yet they seemed to be trying to play it off as We called them (and their too fucking busy for new customers which obviously is counterintuitive to the basic business model, NO CUSTOMERS NO COMPANY). The Tech then launches into the second part of his ludicrous message and starts babbling about expanding network and network capabilities pertaining to Geography or some shit. He then finishes his message of madness by saying that Super Sonic Security will call us back at a later date to discuss Alarm Instillation.

Needless to say this chapped My ass ROYALLY and I snatched up my phone and called the number the Sales Woman from earlier only to get a busy signal. I called right back and then again in several minutes but got the same busy signal each time. I then dialed the main customer service phone number and a guy named Jerk Off Jimmy D and I aggressively asked him what the fuck is this No Show bullshit about. Jerk Off Jimmie D tells me that I have reached an Answering Service so they can’t do a damn thing but pass on a message the following morning. I told Jerk Off Jimmie D I’d like to leave a message which was Don’t Ever Contact Me Again, You had a chance a blew it right out of your ass.

That should have been that, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I’d be getting a call from the Super Sonic Security Sales Department trying to salvage the deal. Well thats exactly what happened. A Sales Rep called apologizing and kissing My ass making a string of excuses and bullshit reasons for The No Show. I told the Rep that on a professional level if their Tech can’t make a simple appointment then I have lost any/all faith in their ability to protect a pile of shit. Second the unprofessional manner ( a pet peeve of mine is anyone I’m doing business with to act in an unprofessional) in which the situation was handled pissed me off to no end on a personal level. Finally I ended the conversation by informing said Rep that their word of mouth campaign is working the only issue is the word of mouth is that their a shitty company with shittier customer service.

We have since contracted a different and far, far superior Alarm Company to help protect Our Home Offices so alls well that ends well, and FUCK SUPER SONIC SECURITY in Their UNPROFESSIONAL ASSES.

Thanks For The Read

Les Sober

The Hell if I should Know??!

Hmmmm…. I’m bored and full of insomnia so I thought hey why not write a blong. These are supposed to probably be full of topic and full of relevant thoughts, but I really don’t have one of those right now. This week I am enigma. So anyway I keep having all these freaky weird ass dreams about people I went to high school with. There are fat girls from my high school class getting venegance on the teachers. Ethnic warfare and preppie kids getting teared apart to smithereens. Guess those are the dreams we have when we don’t head off to our lame high school reunions. Thank god too I think I’d rather swallow my own vomit.

Well those are some of the thoughts that make no sense. Tori Tori Tori Tori!!! Where are you? You were Tamasi! Where are you now?

Oh jesus and when we finally thought the drama stopped the drama called. And I answered. Oh wow!!! It was insane. I thought drama left me at the bus station last week. Well the casino. You probably know. And now there is this slurping. Oh that is some porn I forgot about 30 minutes ago. Slups don’t go well with Tori. Her concerts were never sponsored by Hoover. Thats gotta go. okay it gones. now im in bliss again.

I hope drama doesnt come to my window. It used to come there in high school a lot. But we liked doing headers into my window. That was like initation. into my lair. hahahaha.

I wish I was in the mosh pit. Break my skull. Drama poof away. But she lurks nearby. The moon is not full but the crazies still saunter on by. oh hold on. time to lock the doors and shut the lights. Hurricane Tina is comin by we need to board this bitch up!

okay that is done now. Another call from the other side of the galaxy will be comin’ in. Right in about 12 minutes. 120 it calls. I’d rather be having a psychic vibe with a lover and not a friend, not the hurricane. It rings rings rings. So yeah um back to my dreams I think that was what I started babbling about.

But I’m done. I cant stop whats coming. not even you. cant stop cant stop whats coming, cant stop what is on its way.

she’s less than sure if her heart has come to stay in san jose
and her neverborn child haunts her now
as she speeds down the freeway
as she tries her luck with the traffic police
out of boredom more than spite
she never finds no trouble, she tries too hard
she’s oblivious despite herself

she looks like eva marie saint
in on the waterfront, she says
all she needs is therapy
all you need is love is all you need
ah-ahh

i hope no one dies on my freeway tonight. last year they did on this day. im numb to that pain tonight, i made sure to close my channels. if all that can circle this day is the torch of pain, then i make sure to light my candle in the wind. drown it out. drown it out. try to figure out which puzzles we need to piece together again and which ones we need to burn in eternal hell. adieu.

By SpaceDog

Hackers Can Go Hump Hitler in Hell.

Once again f-yourblog.com suffered another unfortunate set back. I was working on the GG Allin Pictorial when I went to open photos and the son of a bitch wouldn’t open. This had happened once before and it was easily fixed if by that you mean spending well over an hour on the fucking phone with Apple Customer Service Representatives.

So once again I had to grin and bare it and called Apple Customer Service.

The first Apple Representative I spoke with unfortunately had one of the thickest Indian accents I have ever heard. I honestly could only make out about every third word, and had to constantly ask him to repeat himself. Finally we got to the point where all attempted communication had ground to a slow but definitive stop. By that I mean I couldn’t proceed to do a damn thing because We had hit the point in the conversation where I had no idea whatsoever what the Guy was asking/saying/instructing me to do. After a couple of minutes of just simply telling the Representative repeatedly that “Its isn’t doing a damn thing!” we got disconnected. I think it is safe to assume the Representative had realized as I had that we could not go any further, and was getting tired of my growingly stand offish attitude. I can’t say I blame him for if he had stayed on the line with me it would have ended in a very ugly and obscene manner I assure you.

Now being thoroughly pissed off at the result of my first 40 minute failed phone call to Apple Customer Service I called them again immediately.

Now allow me a minute to explain that in these situations if the Customer Representative is Polite, Attentive, Apologetic (if need be), informative, up beat and helpful I guarantee it will be the most entertaining phone call that that they will receive all fucking Month. Yet if the Customer Service Representative sounds annoyed, bored, agitated, depressed doesn’t listen to what the hell I’m saying I guarantee it’ll be the most hellacious fucking phone call that they have EVER experienced. The reason for this is the Customer Service Industry is damn near dead as a door nail thats for fucking sure. I’m sick of having to call some 800 number to resolve a problem/issue and having to deal with some phone drones shitty attitude for god knows how long, BUT I digress.

Luckily for All the second Apple Customer Representative I spoke with was a very polite gentlemen named Isaac Internet.

Isaac Internet went on to inform me that the current issue wasn’t the same dippy dips hit as before and in fact its rather serious to say the least. Isaac went on to tell (and show me with the whole fucking screen sharing shit) that 11 fucking separate individual Assholes had been working on Hacking Our IP address, and had made it as far as shutting off our FireWall protection. Isaac explained the whole IP Address Hacking Threat in full from How It Works to How to Prevent it.

At one point Isaac “Momed” me. Isaac had identified the problem as being Hackers and all I gave a shit about was fixing the problem and preventing any future issues ASAP. I know what a Hacker is and what they do and what their looking for so I appreciated the tutorial BUT I didn’t want to hear a damn word of it right then, JUST FIX THE FUCKER. I laughed sarcastically at one point during Isaac’s Hacker/Hacking Lecture, and Isaac just like a Mom abruptly cut me off and sternly reminded me that this was a very serious situation and I shouldn’t think otherwise. Fuck it He was right. After Isaac’s impromptu Anti-Hacker/Hacking Speech we figured out a game plan and resolved the problem/issue so I can’t rightfully complain.

Now to be clear I am a rather paranoid person and I definitely don’t trust a fucking computer/Laptop/Smartphone/Tablet etc. in the least. At the end of the day as a habit I delete all the day’s texts, e-mails and recent phone calls I honestly don’t know when I started doing this but I won’t be stopping anytime soon. Its my utter distrust in the safety of todays electronic devices that more than likely saved our ass. See I don’t use my Smartphone as the wallet of today, that is there is no personal information on it to be hacked and stolen. If a Hacker did access my phone they’d be unamused and angry they wasted their time on a dead end. I also don’t carry around my Lap Top or Tablet like an electric brief case so again their’s no important personal information, no passwords, no record of Bank Transactions, no crucial business related items, no online bill pay, no Paypal account, no Facebook nothing an Identity Thief would give a flying fuck about.

You can use this Blog as a prime example of how I highly I prize and to what extent I will go to to hide y actual identity. Thats why there no actual pictures of me, my friends or family here, My name isn’t splattered all over the site because I personally don’t want to “Be Famous” or even well known OUTSIDE OF MY WORK. Thats why My Tech Paranoia carries over to this blog. That why I even wrote a post explaining my views on my personal Privacy/Anonymity. In that post I stated I am using a Pen Name as is everyone affiliated with or working for f-yourblog.com and thusly I would be changing the names of all people and places in every post, but not only that. I wasn’t going to half ass it I’m not calling Dave Donald or any simpleton shit I change the names to completely absurd ones that are totally unbelievable (as that is what they are intended to be.)