Month: April 2018

Life Imitates Art as Art Imitates Life part 2: Mr. Brainwash, Banksy, and Authentic Art

For those of you just tuning in this is part two of a piece I’m writing expressing my feelings on the subject of Actual Artist with Original ideas/concepts versus Greedy Talentless Lame Copy Cat Hacks. It goes without saying that wherever their is a Successful Artist with Original Ideas and Creative Concepts there will be a small army of wannabe’s and knock off’s trying to make money from SOMEONE ELSES Intellectual Property.

I have nothing but respect for Original Artists, and Their work even if I personally don’t like it. I believe in giving credit whenever and wherever its due.

Now for the talentless twats that swarm around Original Artists leeching off Their Creativity by either riding on their coat tails, jumping on the TREND(Y) Bandwagon or most of all their trying to Capitalize in any way they can out/off of it. They’re either trying to emulate and imitate the original idea and Art. Either that or Their trying Steal it some how for personal profit in a Pompously Presumptuous Gallery (to a bunch of Wealthy Elite Art Collecting ASSHOLES) or hawk it Online like some sort of Digital Asshole.

My point/argument continues here after stating in the prior post that Tesla was a Lone Genius, and Edison was a Con artist who got famous of his employee’s ideas/inventions. That was the History Portion, And now for the repeating part.

(Just a reminder I am recounting/retelling a EXTREMELY CONDENSED VERSION to save time by sticking as close as I can to my point. I fully encourage Reader’s to watch the Documentary Film “Exist Through The Gift Shop” which provides an in-depth and detailed look at all of the information on the subject of the personal history between Mr. Brainwash and Banksy. I would also at this time like to also recommend the Documentary “Banksy Does New York” for a most informative look into His Work and Personal Philosophies) Bottomline I’m not a Biographer.

Its truly have to give an immense deal of credit to Banksy who got his start on the Street of London, who’s work now has appeared on the streets of various countries around the globe, who’s work has been hang shied by Wealthy Gallery Owners and the like, and the Unscrupulous acquisitions of pieces of Banksy’s Artwork stolen strait off of the streets themselves, has had his work Valued from Hundreds of Thousands to a Million Plus, and yet no one knows anything personal details about Him. Banksy has become notorious for vehemently protecting his true Identity and to His credit its worked amazingly, in fact its worked perfectly. This is all anyone knows of Banksy in the Public Forum that He is Male, White, From England, and is the biggest name in Street Art/ Graffiti the world has know at this point.

Yet the popular misconception is because Banksy’s art sells for such massive amounts of money that he is insanely rich and has tons of cash coming in on a daily basis. A few reason for this are He has to compensate  His Team comprised only of the most trusted inner circle, Pay out a exorbitant amount of money in the quest to stay Anonymous, Travel, Supplies, He donates a good bit of money from selling some of his work to Charities (such as House The Homeless in NYC for example), and the simple fact that His work that is stolen off the Streets, and sold in High End Art Galleries which Banksy has absolutely nothing to do with thus he doesn’t make a dime. Banksy has stated his Art is for Everyone to enjoy and harshly condemned those who seek to confiscate his work and sell it in a high end gallery for personal profit. In fact Banksy shuns the Classic Art world for being more about being pretentious than about the actual Art.

Now while like Tesla(who had several assistants through out his career) Banksy has come to rely on the help of a few other people to help achieve his Artistic Goals/Ideas/Artistic Concepts are Banksy’s and Banksy’s alone. Point being Banksy’s crew work WITH HIM, NOT FOR HIM.

Bansky is known for the Social/Politically driven Art Work that provokes deeper thought when it comes to social ills or political plight. His work can be ironic, mocking, Anti-Authoritarian, but its all meant to promote understanding and peace among all of Humanity. His unofficial mascot seems to be the Rat which reappears frequently in Banksy’s Art. Later on in his career Banksy started to produce Art Installations (such as a blissful paradise housed in a dirty beat up Box Truck that drives around stopping periodically, and Video Pieces. Banksy has embraced Social Media/ Internet where he has a very forward, direct, and honest website (Bnaksy also has a Instagram and Twitter accounts.  Banksy is not just Original he’s insanely intelligent, beyond talented, Humble, Secretive, and Though Provoking Artist.

Meanwhile as far as Mr. Brainwash is concerned…….

I guess for sake of argument I’ll start at the beginning. Before He became Mr. Brainwash He was a regular guy named Thierry (Pronounced Terry) Guetta who had a serious camera OBC. Simply Thierry’s Mother died when he was 7, and this dramatic tragedy created Thierry’s life long obsession of Video Taping every single waking moment.

Thierry’s cousin was an up and coming Graffiti Artist in the Blossoming new world of Street Art who goes by Space Invader. Thierry started to follow and film Space Invader everywhere documenting his work along the way. Thierry ended up utterly in love with the up and coming graffiti Artists, and started following, assisting, and Filming them constantly.

In a once in a life time chance ( I mean its like winning the Lottery and then being struck by lighting.) Thierry’s cousin was hosting non other than the infamous Banksy who had already made a name for Himself. Thierry was allowed into Banksy’s inner circle even visiting the Illusive Artists Studio (Banksy’s Team found it odd and were very weary of Theirry). Thierry started going out at night with Banksy acting as a look out or extra pair of hands as Banksy put up new work.

A little later on the various Graffiti Artist drew Thierry’s non stop filming of them and their activities into question. The question was why the fuck was Thierry filming Them in the first place? Thierry had had NO PLAN for the endless hours of footage he had shot, and currently was shooting. So being rather put on the spot Thierry announced He was filming because he was making a Documentary on The Various Artists, and the birth of the Street Art fascination that was inadvertently legitimizing Graffiti as in fact Art.

Now thats all good and fine its what ended up happening next that pisses me off.

Banksy finally called Thierry out, and told him now was the time to release His Documentay because it was the essential backstory to the newly dubbed Street Art World. Thierry went to work sifting through countless bins of material as he worked feverishly to complete his so called Documentary. The Documentary was anything but. It was 90 minutes of seizure inducing, eye bleeding bullshit. It was just random images thrown together in a Manic Manner so it appeared like a 90 minute music video that escaped from MTV in the 1980’s and went absolutely insane.

Seeing the Documentary was a complete and utter failure Banksy formulated a plan to salvage the project. As Theirry idolized Banksy to the umpteenth degree Banksy got Thierry to let him borrow all of his footage. Banksy then recommended that Thierry head home, create some Art, and perhaps have a little show. Thierry took this to heart as an official mission assigned Him personally by His Idol Banksy.

Now while wasting time, content, and miles of Video Tape is a real shitty thing, and fucking up a project happens so while I’m pissed at this point in the story, the following part is what truly Enrages Me to NO END.

Thierry went home and the first fucking thing he does is rent a MASSIVE 5 story fucking warehouse for his upcoming show. Then Thierry (who accept for a few sporadic pieces (a picture of Him holding a camera) had never been an actual Graffiti Artist. Thierry then hires a legion of Millennial Graphic Artists to crank out REALLY CLICHE CRAP thats BLATANTLY a LAME attempt to IMITATE Banksy. Thierry has NO ACTUAL ARTISTIC CREATIVITY, TALENT OR SKILL.

Then Thierry gave him self the Moniker of Mr. Brainwash, and started to promote Himself and His upcoming show as if He was a legitimate long time, well know, and respected Graffiti Artist who was friends with all the Other now Big Name Graffiti Artists, and that He had the distinct honor in personally knowing Banksy. He used Banksy and Other Big Artists  to shamelessly Self Promote Himself FALSELY.

At this point Graffiti had been rebranded as Street Art as it had become popular in the Allegedly Fine Art World. And because of its new found trendiness provided the key to Thierry’s unwarranted success. Every Hipster, Trend Chaser, Pretentious Assholes, Fine Art Dealer, and Exclusive Art Gallery Owner wanted a piece of the Street Art Pie because by now Banksy Works had sold for up to and over a million dollars (which only serves to encourage unscrupulous Thieves) BOTTOM LINE Every Sucker and Presumptuous Asshole bought Thierry’s bullshit credentials and so called Street Credit hook, line, and fucking sinker.

In the end Thierry filled the gigantic rented warehouse with tons of Pathetic Graffiti Knock Off Bullshit Pieces conceived and done by one of his HIRED underlings, and presented them all as His own. Thierry fit right into the fake ass kissing world of Fine Art, Thierry could bullshit his ass off as Elitist Idiots ate it up ravenously like rabid Lemmings.

 

THE POINT OF THIS 2 PART POST is as follows.

There Unintelligent and Untalented ASSHOLES like Thomas Edison and Thierry aka Mr. Brainwash in the World that like so many other Con Artists STEAL other’s Intellectual Property, and then have the balls to claim it as Their own. THAT IS HORSE SHIT. Those people are fucking bottom dwelling leeches that act like Brainless Parasites feeding off Other’s Originality for their own fame/fortune.

Fuck Trends, Fuck Hipsters, Fuck Art Thieves, Fuck High End Art Galleries, Fuck Fine Art Dealers, Fuck Fakes, Fuck Wannabes, Fuck Mr. Brainwash, Fuck Edison, Fuck Scam Artists, Fuck Con Men, Fuck Unoriginality, Fuck Cliches, and Fuck the Fine Art Assholes.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Life Imitates Art as Art Imitates Life Part 1: Tesla, Edison, and Electricity

I decided to write this post because it gave me a chance to address to issues I have issue with per say. While I truly love and respect original talent/material equally despise Trendy Band Wagon Jumpers,  those who have no talent of their own so they rip off those they want to emulate from the News/Social Media. Not only do they steal ideas/concepts they have the fucking balls to strut around patting themselves on the fucking back constantly. These talentless hacks parade around congratulating themselves for producing (and cashing in on because its money/fame these self proclaimed artists are really interested in, the art comes second with these ignorant idiots) shitty wannabe knock offs.

Now on this topic I have 2 separate ( but similar as you will see) issues I want to address so this will be a 2 Part Post.

The First one being Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla on the subject of Electricity (its not what you think nor would expect, but I digress).

The Second one being Mr. Brainwash/Thierry Guetta and Banksy/ Identity Unknown on the subject of Street Art Then and Now.

Starting with good old Tommy Edison and Nikola Tesla I must get a few things strait. This is NOT  Biographical or a History Lesson. I’m not going to play the good old pissing contest contending the accomplishments or criticisms of each man. I will most definitely not be using this post to indulge the Nerdpocalyptic argument that rages on through the ages in addition to today on who had the better electrical discovery Edison’s DC Current or Tesla’s AC Current. I am not an inventor, scientist nor expert so unlike most fucking people I’m not going to pretend that I know when in reality I don’t.

What I think is utter Horseshit is this. While Edison tooled around with DC Currents and Tesla with AC Currents they’re philosophies on how the benefits of harnessing electricity would affect the American Public. Tesla’s belief was quite simple by harnessing electricity he would create a network that would provide electricity to every home, business, and anywhere it would benefit his fellow man (Example Street Lights, Traffic Lights, Signs, recharging devices etc.) FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE.

The last point is this Tesla was a one man show. True while Tesla had a few assistants through out the years they were nothing more than helping hands in helping Tesla with experiments ALL of the ideas/concepts/beliefs where sold those of Tesla himself. The best comparison I can provide is to the much more recent musician Trent Reznor. Reznor writes all of his “Bands”(Nine Inch Nails or NIN for short) music and lyrics as well as playing all the instruments Himself. When Reznor heads out on tour he hires a back up band because obviously He can’t play live shows all by himself.

Meanwhile as for Thomas Edison….

Edison allegedly invented the light bulb (a fact refuted by the Historians of today who say Edison’s claim is nothing but bravado and bullshit). Now some of our Readers may be confused (or wondering what the point is) as Edison is documented in the Historical Records of Humanity as just that the inventor of the light bulb so? The answer is also my point. Edison HIRED nothing short of an Army of Young Inventors in what were referred to as “Invention Factories” which he had several of in America and in Europe. These Invention Factories where supposed to nurture the Young Inventors and allow them a place to work and thrive a true platform for knowledge.In reality if any of Edison’s EMPLOYEES (because lets face it thats what the were) had a brilliant Idea or Invention Edison would take the idea, and then CLAIM CREDIT FOR IT much like the Light Bulb. The whole fucking set up was a scam set up by Edison to con Young Inventors to benefit his own career. Thats a serious Dick Move.

Now back to the Light Bulb. After claiming to have created the Light Bulb quickly established Edison General Electric which was the first move to Monetize Electricity as a Consumer Commodity. Time passes and a few starter Electric companies throw their hats into the ring for the new and viable Electricity Market. In just 2 short years in 1892 Edison consolidated all of his assorted businesses, and then Merged his consolidated companies with his number one Competitor to form GENERAL ELECTRIC.

The Bottom Line is this 1. Edison was a Hack who stole inventions/Ideas from weak, vulnerable, and Nieve Young Inventors. 2. Overtime you open your Electric Bill and exclaim “Are you serious?!” or ‘What the FUCK?!!!” you can thank Thomas Edison for creating the ELECTRIC BILL when Tesla would have provided the same service(s) TOTALLY FREE.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Look How Brooding (I Was)

I decided on the old spring cleaning today. More like my portable DVD player is gathering dust and I need to find its extension cord. So even though the ideas of what I want to write are running through my head at a blistering pace, like sperm pelting the floor at a bathhouse, I’ve taken the lazy way out and decided to throw up a few brooding poems from about five years ago. I think I wrote them in rehab, hence the plastic bed references casually strewn in there.

Disowned

Why do I work to escape this very moment
When all I should do is tuck it away
How come my darkest world shines so bright
When it only brings me the fear of my plight

The hate in my soul drips forth with blood
While the bluebirds may chirp
I sit here in your mud
It’s like one thousand flavors rattle my cage
Dairy Queen and Lucifer, One and the same

My chest collapses slowly
While I wriggle in pain
Two candy canes half eaten
Melting in the rain

..I feel for my pulse but it’s not to be found
I’ve been riding in your carriage too long
But my soul is nowhere around

You still plague my soul
Even from far, far away
The wax from your candle
It melts my nightmares
Covers up all this dismay

And I used to run, I used to fly
There once was a time I never cried
Your heart it stayed open
Your veins never closed
The moths gracing your light bulbs
They practically glowed

And one day I’ll wake up
Maybe I’ll even truely care
But for this moment in time
This moment I own
Alone in my thoughts
Even though my brain isn’t home

I plot and I ponder.
I sit and I stare.
The tadpole didn’t come home for supper
But I still feel him there

And I know this isn’t reality
Yet it’s certainly not a dream
Just a slice of delusion
In a cherry pie choking on whipped cream.

(And then there is this one below.  I never titled it. I hate titles. They should die.)

-UNTITLED-

All my Johnnys have gone away
While I sat staring out the window
Trying to breathe in the world
When all I saw was the lamp post
And your reflection in a puddle

Then I sailed across the ocean
Looking for you
Looking for him
I wondered where your trail of bread crumbs led
But they only formed some lost circle
Empty of my heart
Crashing up my car

I ate a sundae with marshmellows
It tasted like you
Or wait maybe like him
And I put on some Jimmies
But they were too sweet
You tasted so bitter
Yet it was my dream
I swallowed my dreams

The boat then crashed ashore
My holy father whipped me
I just wanted your chains
To cramp my style
You squeezed my soul so fine

But I’ve lost your scent
The moon doesn’t rise
And your face isn’t on my quarter anymore
Just another dead president

And one day I do know
That something will rise out of the sky
I’d just take the sun
But you are my God
I don’t know if I should try

Yet maybe it’s my destiny
Just smelling you out
I’m not sure though
Because it may not be you
Might have been him
Singing through the birds
Nestling in my head

The queen of hearts left my deck long ago
Suffering without anything to hold onto
My kingdom has lost its peaceful rest

BY SpaceDog 

Blood For You: The GG Allin Post Follow Up

As some of our Readers are aware I did a post piece on the infamous Underground Punk Rock Outlaw Scumfuck Musician GG Allin. What separated this post from the handful of other GG commentary is I did it in collage form using Photos. Now this isn’t an easy task as GG pictures can be hard to find (just like his Albums), and though I did a pretty fucking relentless spending months compiling the pictures for the post I apparently (and not surprisingly) missed a few.

Now thanks to a few of our more avid readers some additional GG Allin Photos have been e-mailed in so here they are.

 

 

Thanks to All Contributing Readers (and keep them coming as a GG Allin Fan I truly appreciate it a great deal)

Les Sober 

Another Absurd Alliteration

Bloody Barbarians battle Brutal bloodthirsty Bastards backlogging butchered bodies beyond belief. Bombarding blitzkrieg bankrupts bewitching beauty begets blasphemous bitter begging bitches believing balderdash. Boasting Buzzards bleed being bound badly before breakfast bread breeds boastful beasts boldly bothering brave brothers.

Beginning bone breaking bondage belonging broken beneath brute braun begrudgingly banished back before beating bold brethren. Bridging bribes briefly between Bandit Bosses bruises breaking bounds before baffling brains beneath books. Biodegradable biodiversity’s bashed bid beckons budding biological behavior bestowing backward balance backing biotechnologies biometric bioluminescent  bacterium.

Backhanded blaming bottomless bittersweet boisterous betrayal biomorphic bloodsuckers benevolent beforehand brilliance. Blistering brainchild’s burdensome biodynamic bilateral benchmark basic bourgeois barrister’s bioethics broadside befitting bimonthly boundary. Bankable behemoth bearing bizarrely blessed bronze butters beloved brokers brief buyout began benignly branding breeds benchmark boredom burning brightly.

Blissful burial beseeches breeches beholden baroness’s boldfaced bullshit brainstorming by bereaved bankrupt banker’s bitching banter babbling boundlessly. Bedraggled bedridden bohemian baron brokenhearted broadsided by blackmail breakdown builds brilliant birthright bestowed borderline bullbaiting bile. Battlefront belligerent benediction brotherhood’s brutalization bravado beckons befuddled boys bloodletting brainwashing biosynthesis backscattered bewilderment.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

The Rule of 3 and How It Used to Be

What the fuck killed customer service I ask you?! It was a sudden death by any means, but a long lingering demise whose death rattle has yet to shake the bed. Its bad enough that now a days they have those goddamn Automated Messages calling to try and sell me shit. Back in the day at least I had some satisfaction at being able to tell an actual human to fuck off. Now what am I supposed to do? Insult the fucking thing by telling it it’s mother is a Tape Recorder that eats 8 track ass? Ok enough of that tangent now back to the point.

When I was growing up a great thing was there was NO Automated Anything, and that includes when one had to call  Customer Service for assistance. Today you have to deal with an Automated System that doesn’t understand what your saying, wastes 20 minutes of your time essentially going “I Don’t Understand” until your fucking insane, and then you get the option to speak to a living human being. Automation Menu’s aren’t the only change to Customer Service by a long shot.

Not only did I not have to deal with Automation Menus when I was younger, but the actual people I talked to were a far cry from the shit you have to deal with today. Back then the Customer Service Representatives damn well knew what Customer Service was. Look granted being in the Customer Service field fucking sucks big time because you have to spend 8 hours listing to people bitch and complain (or worse like curse you out or become insulting), but the fact is there are people who could and would do just that God bless them.

Its no secret that no matter what fucking job you have Cardiologist to Janitor at some point your going to have to Eat Shit (Its the same in  one’s personal life as well). Eating Shit is an unavoidable part of Life, theres nothing you can do about it but o just accept it and go on living for Christ’s Sake. I mean why do you think the saying “Eat Shit” is woven into our modern-day lexicon to begin with (there is also the prevalent saying “Shit Happens” as well don’t forget) It could be argued at this point in time that the phrase Eat Shit is a Lingual Icon. I know this post as stayed a bit here and there, but Sit Happens and if you don’t dig that then Eat Shit.

Now back to the point…..

For all those tuning in late or just skimming this post I’m writing about the difference between Old School Customer Service Vs. The Bullshit Customer Service of Today. As I mentioned at the beginning the first abomination is the Automated System which accomplishes nothing but wasting 20 to 30 minutes of your time as it simultaneously frustrating the Caller to the point of actual insanity. Then once the Caller has run the complete Automated Gauntlet they have the ability to talk to a living person.

The First Customer Service Rep. sounds like fucking Eeyorre the clinically depressed Donkey from Winnie the Pooh. I can picture the fuckers sitting slouched down inter seats, shoulders hunched over, eyes half open staring vacantly at a Computer Screen, just waiting to fucking die right there at work no less. A Caller then has to battle this emotionless and utterly unhelpful Pion’s (who’s more than likely making a noose out of their headset chord to hang themselves from the Florescent Soul Sucking office lights) monotone malarkey before the consent to allowing the Caller to speak to an alternate human being.

The Second Customer Service Rep. is some asshole who sounds like he’s bored out of his fucking mind, despises their job, and seems annoyed that the caller is bothering them. The Caller now must combat this Slacker Mentality while getting next to no where to the point The Caller feels as though they are just torturing themselves, and wonder is this shit worth it?!! If the Caller can get past this Snarky, Snide, and Often rather Rude individual asshole The Caller can advance to the next Customer Rep.

The Third Customer Rep turns out to be a throw back to the Golden Age of Customer Service. These Rep.’s are polite and professional, and this makes them extremely helpful as they can usually solve most problems rather quickly. If there is a larger issue at hand these Rep.’s will stay on the phone doing anything and everything they can until the problem is resolved. And even in the few rarer cases if after doing all they possible can to actually help a Caller they will leave you with a recommendation on how to further proceed because they really do want to help. The Rep.’s are the true blue backbone of the dying Customer Service Field, and Bless these Blissful Beings to the Four Corner’s of the Earth.

My final point is this the Companies that hire the first two types of Customer Service Reps to fucking begin with. Its enough bullshit to endure the Automated Assault, but then to follow it with yet another 2 shit shows. This is why I’m fucking sick of Big Companies/Corporations whining and crying like spoiled brats that there is no more Employee or Customer Loyalty. If you want more motherfucking money PROVIDE BETTER FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE, Because Without Customer’s Your No Longer a Business Man Your An UNEMPLOYED ASSHOLE.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober  

Out of the Bubble, Into The Future

I have come to realize that too often in life I am not the person defining myself. I have far too often let others opinions define me, far too often have lived up to every role and stereotype they have defined for me. I am very tired of this.

I am very tired of the label placed on me as being depressed or being bipolar or as being epileptic. I am tired of being the quiet one, the drunk one, the slut, the alcoholic, the compulsive gambler, the unstable.

I have been all of these, yet I have been none of these. They run in and around and through me again. Still I am not as simple as any label. We label people far too often as to characterize them. For the purposes of public opinion this is a great thing but for society as a whole it truly sucks.

THE BUBBLE

I have been living in this rather unfortunate bubble that I fully put myself in, that I believe I wanted to be in for a very long time. I have let people tell me that I am consistently depressed. Maybe I am. I am not as book smart as I should be and I am not as street smart as many of the things in my life I have done should have made me.

The vast imperfections of the world have made me rather sad. If I thought about everything wrong all the time, well of course I would be sad. I am too educated of a person to not be effected otherwise. When you have had your hand in as many cookies jars as myself, it is only wonder that I have all of fingers remaining.

So there has always been something holding me back. Most of the time myself, but a great deal of the time it is something legally or financially. Now I am on the cusp of freedom and frankly I am very nervous. Not freaking out but very soon I will have the ability to pick where I want to live, to go where I want to go, and to be who I want to be.

I am not sure what town to go to or what city I should somehow surface in or if the people will be nice or if be there at all even. I firmly feel I can do this. I pretty much just showed up in Niagara Falls, NY (of all places) and made friends the first real chance I gave myself. They wanted me to move there and I wanted me to move there but I got myself into a mess by not thinking for myself, not being myself.

I wish it was just as easy as me going back to Niagara Falls and reclaiming what I feel that I somewhat lack in my current surroundings. It’s probably all still here inside of me but this getting 5 hours of sleep a night is not enough for me.

I wish I could just take an Ambien but most sleeping pills cause me to blackout and bring out my inner fat girl. Some of us don’t remember and wake up with a mustache like the Pringles guy, I wake up covered in Pringles.

Anyway I cannot wait to get my license back in PA. I have been talking about soooooo many creative ideas with one of my friends that I am going insane not being able to do anything about them. Well I can do something about them but I’ve done enough dreaming. I am ready to cascade the dreams into action.

Well I believe the zzzzzzs are calling me now. I actually think the wind is calling me as well. Where I fall I know not.

By SpaceDog 

The Tale of The Hellacious Hospital

I was 13 years old and it was the beginning of Summer Vacation. The first 2 weeks went splendidly as all I did was fuck off with friends all day, and cause minor trouble as our Town was boring as shit. Then one random morning I woke up with what felt like the worst cramp of my life in my lower left side. In addition I was nauseous as all get out as the pain increased to the point I walked virtually bent over at the waist. After a couple of days of this my Parents took me to our family Doctor. It took him less than 30 seconds to double check his almost instant diagnosis, and then informed us it was Appendicitis that would require immediate treatment. So instead of heading off to camp the next day I headed off the the local Hospital.

Now Appendicitis (along with Tonsillitis) are the two easiest fucking things not only for a Doctor to Diagnose its equally as easy for a Surgeon to remedy through simple Surgery. As one might imagine it plays out as your sick, you go to doctor, doctor makes his/her diagnosis, go strait to the nearest Hospital, get Admitted, and then immediate Surgery. This is specially important for Appendicitis as the longer it goes untreated the higher the risk it could rupture causing Secondary Infection(s) a real bitch.

Well thats not quite how it went with me thats for fucking sure. The first part went normally until I arrived at the Hospital as shit went down hill from there rather quickly. Now once I was admitted in stead of preforming the needed immediate (not quite an emergency but pretty damn close) Surgery they did the exact opposite they waited. They waited for the sole fucking reason of using me as a case example for the small Army of Interns. The next 36 or so hours Doctors came in and poked and prodded the shit out of me in-between marching in groups of 6-10 Medical Students/Interns?Residents.

Nothing like lying in the Hospital as your Summer Vacation rots away, but to be treated like a fucking Lab Animal was the worst of it all. Doctor’s are such disconnected Cunts, they really are. Doctor’s have no what they call Bedside Manner, and Bedside Manner translates to Talking/Treating the Patient like a human not a project. So all these Medical Motherfucker’s keep parading in apparently whenever the fuck they felt like it.

Finally they preformed the Surgery or Appendectomy, and shit went back to normal as far as protocol was concerned. I hung out post Opp for a day or so and the Hospital Released Me. Once again I settled into a regular Summer Routine until one day I woke up sick as a dog. I a fever, Cold Sweats, Nausa, Diarrhea, No Appetite, and all that Super fucking Flu symptomatic shit. Again after several days it became apparent this wasn’t a cold, flu or food poisoning and I went back to the Doctor. He couldn’t tell us the root cause, but he did strongly advise taking me back to the Hospital and my parents did.

Long story Shorter I was readmitted, examined, and tested. The Doctor’s came to the conclusion that (and this is the only fucking way we found out this even happened as in They never said shit about it) because my Appendix had in fact Burst that there were 2 pockets of Infectious Puss lingering around the Surgical site like two Sepsis Clouds. The Doctor’s next task was to locate the pockets of infection, and then administer proper treatment due on location alone.

Long story shorter I had to go through 2 additional Surgical Procedures to actually drain the infections. Now of these 2 Procedures I’m only going to take the time to address is the first of the two. This is how it all went down. One of the Diagnostic Tests was an MRI which located the pockets of infection in the first place. Now based on the MRI Results the Doctor’s opted to preform this fucked up little maneuver. This one must remember was in the days LONG before Twilight Anesthesia was even considered. In spite of lacking the current anesthetic options of today came over to me (I’m shirtless and still laying prone on the MRI Machine arms stretched above head) and inform me their going to attempt to drain one of the pockets of infection right then and there. Their reasoning was that it was very close to “the skin” if by that you mean under all 5 layers of skin and then the subsequent muscle. They then I shit you not hit me with 17-21 shots of Novocaine in my abdomen as Anesthetic.

Then this little feeble wobble of a man came out of the control room and over to me. This guy looking like a goddamn 5th grade Science teacher mustache, Bowtie, and all. This douche informs me that he is going to take a  very thin needle (about 2 feet long I shit you not) and then jam it into my abdomen. From there he is going to manual suck out the puss and shit with a large syringe attached to the other end of the motherfucking needle.

Things didn’t start well as the Fat Fuck stabbed me and fucking missed the Soft Ball sized pocket of infection in spite of being able to see exactly where the fuck it was. Once we withdrew the needle he had to insure there was no internal bleeding by pushing down with all his might (not to mention body weight) on the injection site. He then manages to finally after over a fucking hour of this horse shit torture got the job essentially done. To this day if I ever see this Guy on the street I’m going to stab him repeatedly in his fucking fat little face with a rusty Screw Driver, Just Saying.

With the pockets of infection drained I spent a few more days on intravenous Antibiotics, and then sent on my way once again. Summer was back on track for the next 3 weeks anyway. See this is where shit gets really weird. I woke up one day exhibiting the exact same symptoms of Appendicitis though my Appendix for all incentive purposes had been Surgically removed over a month ago at this point. Needless to say I was off to and readmitted to the Hospital. I honestly have no fucking clue why my parents would take me back to that Shithole Hospital for a 3rd time, but I digress under protest.

Long story shorter the Doctor’s spent days subjecting me to what turned out to be every test in the fucking book to No Avail. The Doctor’s were perplexed as they to couldn’t figure out how a surgically removed Appendix could affect someone with a classic example of Appendicitis. After toiling away with machines and men in the Lab they were no closer to finding the reason. Exasperated and exhausted the Doctor’s came to talk to us about what the fuck to do. The Doctor’s started by stating the now obvious that regardless of all the fucking tests, everything for all intensive purposes looked absolutely normal.

This left the Doctors with only one last option and that was to do an Exploratory. See Exploratory Surgery sounds all nice and fucking official with a hint of NASA to it, but here is what Exploratory Surgery is in Laymen’s terms. Exploratory Surgery means going more Medieval in Medical Methods. That is the Doctor’s can’t figure out why your sick so they actually cut you open, and literally poke around like a car mechanic under the hood of a car. Thats it, they slice you open to actually see if they can find shit out first hand since the million dollar machines produced shit as far as results.

What they found was truly intriguing. Since the Scumbags waited so long before operations that my Appendix had ruptured, and ruptured spectacularly (meaning huge amount of infectious collateral damage) that we all knew already. The Doctors went on to explain that the middle of my Appendix blew the fuck up when the Appendix ruptured, and when the Surgeon went in initially  he removed the base or bottom part of the affected Appendix. Now what no one could have foreseen the Tip of the Infected Appendix broke off with a independent blood supply (not sure to this day exactly what the hell that means), and then slid down by my right Kidney. Once it reached my right Kidney it proceeded to hug up against it so tightly that on tests it just appeared to be part of the Kidney’s natural exterior.

The odd thing (at the time it didn’t compute with my parents) was my Parents were approached several times by various Doctors not associated with my case reassuring them the Hospital handled my case fine, and all this other shit was unavoidable. What that says to me is “We fucked up bad, but we don’t want to get the shit sued out of us so we’re backpedaling to save our asses with False Reassurances.

Any who for all the bullshit, time, and consequent suffering I did achieve one thing note worthy. On the Medical History for said Hospital I’m on the Books as the only Patient to have His Appendix out Twice.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober