Month: October 2018

F to the U to the C to the K to the Part to the 2

Some say I had a chip on my shoulder in the womb.

Others believe I was born Angry from Day 1.

As soon as I entered the World I was Raging, Railing, and Rioting against it.

Confrontation Excites Me.

I’ve made arguing into an Art Form of Fuckery.

I make people think through changing Their Perspective of the Situation.

I win by always making an Intelligent Argument. Never argue like an Idiot. Never Argue from a point of Ignorance. Stupidity is Avoidable.

I was born a fighter, Live as a Fighter, and I will inevitably Die Fighting Waring to the last second of My Life.

I’m the kind of Person that people say “I hope in Death he finds the Peace he could never find in Life.” at their fucking Funeral.

And Thus The Fucks Continue undaunted…….

Fuck Steve Harvey. Fuck Bixby. Fuck Cortana. Fuck Supremacy.

Fuck Slavery. Fuck Human Trafficking. Fuck Airlines. Fuck Rental Cars.

Fuck a Duck. Fuck Jeff Sessions. Fuck a 2 Party System. Fuck a Suck.

Fuck Guy Liner. Fuck Skinny Jeans. Fuck Porn. Fuck Manscaping.

Fuck Emojis. Fuck James Woods. Fuck TGIF, Fuck The New Full House.

Fuck Murphy Brown Past and Present. Fuck Gastronomy. Fuck Bigfoot.

Fuck The Connors. Fuck Pesticides. Fuck Smoking Tide Pods. Fuck Veal.

Fuck Faux Gras. Fuck Juggalos. Fuck Dentists. Fuck Botox. Fuck Recycling.

Fuck Minimum Wage. Fuck The 40 Hour Work Week. Fuck Outsourcing.

Fuck Automated Messaging Systems. Fuck Pumpkin Beers. Fuck Lattes.

Fuck Jocks. Fuck Gyms. Fuck Orthodontists. Fuck Funerals. Fuck Pride.

Fuck Dating Sites. Fuck Playboy. Fuck Miata’s. Fuck Mid Life Crisis.

Fuck Declawing. Fuck Tail Docking. Fuck Geraldo Rivera. Fuck White Trash.

Fuck CGI. Fuck Comic Book Movies. Fuck Avatar. Fuck Micheal Bay.

Fuck JJ Abrams. Fuck Uwe Boll. Fuck Bjork. Fuck The WWE.

Fuck Satellite Radio. Fuck The UFC. Fuck The Confederate Flag.

Fuck Tyler Perry. Fuck Medea Movies. Fuck Conservatives. Fuck Infection.

Fuck Moby. Fuck Kanye West. Fuck Simon Cowell. Fuck Twitter.

Fuck Sexting. Fuck Trump Supporters. Fuck Bigots. Fuck Racists.

Fuck Ted Cruz. Fuck MAGA. Fuck Opulence. Fuck Strip Clubs.

Fuck Chris Angle. Fuck Ghost Adventures. Fuck Self Doubt. Fuck Me.

Fuck Excessiveness. Fuck Low Self Esteem. Fuck PETA. Fuck Sea World.

Fuck Circuses. Fuck Animal Abuse. Fuck Deforestation. Fuck Polar Bears.

Fuck Heart Throbs. Fuck Teen Idols. Fuck Rolling Stone. Fuck EDM.

Fuck DJ’s. Fuck Sckrillix. Fuck Limp Bizkit. Fuck Lincohn Park.

Fuck The KKK. Fuck Skinheads. Fuck Mel Gibson. Fuck White Power.

Fuck Black Friday. Fuck Apple Stores. Fuck Apple Geniuses.

Fuck The Super Bowl. Fuck The World Cup. Fuck The World Series.

Fuck Noisiness. Fuck Meditation. Fuck Yoga. Fuck Mabneste. Fuck NASCAR.

Fuck Hot Dogs. Fuck Head Cheese. Fuck Gas Station Sea Food.

Fuck Food Poisoning. Fuck Cinco De Mio. Fuck Flag Day.

Fuck Vick’s Vapor Rub. Fuck Old Wives Tales. Fuck Superstitions.

Fuck Road Rage. Fuck Expectation. Fuck Judgmental People.

Fuck Judgments. Fuck Price Gauging. Fuck Corporations. Fuck Hippies.

Fuck Democrats. Fuck Hilton. Fuck Logos. Fuck Branding.

Fuck Traffic Tickets. Fuck Incorporation. Fuck DUI’s. Fuck Pimps.

Fuck Poaching. Fuck Human Trafficking. Fuck Women Beaters. Fuck AMHA.

Fuck Guidance Councilors. Fuck Prejudice. Fuck Auto Correct.

Fuck The Cloud. Fuck Stereotyping. Fuck Candy Crush, Fuck Trivia Nights.

Fuck Genocide. Fuck Suicide. Fuck Arrogance. Fuck Pompous People.

Fuck Cockiness. Fuck Scremo. Fuck Smashing Pumpkins. Fuck Matt Soren.

Fuck Game Of Thrones. Fuck The Twilight Series. Fuck Authority.

Fuck Menstruation. Fuck Masturbation. Fuck Rim Jobs. Fuck Grievances.

Fuck Hallmark. Fuck The 5 Day Work Week. Fuck Retirement. Fuck Softcore.

Fuck King Of The Road. Fuck Snitches. Fuck Rabies. Fuck Over Fishing.

Fuck BP. Fuck Oil Spills. Fuck “Hot Spots”. Fuck Night Clubs.

Fuck Standards. Fuck Tech Support. Fuck Regularity. Fuck Gossip.

Fuck High School. Fuck The TV Show Friends. Fuck Cartels. Fuck The NSA.

Fuck The 1%. Fuck Golf. Fuck Plagiarism. Fuck Wikipedia. Fuck PornHub.

Fuck Slut Shaming. Fuck Body Dysmorphia. Fuck The Kock Brothers.

Fuck Lines. Fuck Patience. Fuck Energy Bars. Fuck Spray On Hair.

Fuck Vanity. Fuck The Vain. Fuck Narcissism. Fuck Bernie Sanders.

Fuck White People With Dreads. Fuck Flesh Lights. Fuck the NSA.

Fuck The DEA. Fuck The Police. Fuck White People With Corn Rows.

Fuck Exclusion. Fuck Crowds. Fuck Unprofessional People.

Fuck Gym Teachers. Fuck Fruit Cake. Fuck Insincerity. Fuck Data Plans.

Fuck New & Improved. Fuck 4-6 Weeks For Delivery. Fuck Tracking Devices.

Fuck No C.O.D.’s. Fuck Minimum Spending Limit. Fuck Deductibles.

Fuck Out Of Pocket Expense. Fuck Out Patient Services. Fuck Mocktails.

Fuck Lawyer Ads. Fuck Oliver North. Fuck Pop Music. Fuck Swastikas.

Fuck Doc Martins. Fuck Cordless Phones. Fuck Flat Tires. Fuck Car Rims.

Fuck Fear Mongering. Fuck Shrinks. Fuck The Loch Ness Monster.

Fuck David Ward. Fuck Bluetooth Ear Pieces. Fuck Math. Fuck Isis.

Fuck David Duke. Fuck Rush Limbaugh. Fuck Perez Hilton. Fuck Art Thieves.

Fuck The Real House Wives. Fuck Malware. Fuck Megyn Kelly.

Fuck Innuendo. Fuck Rudy Guilliani. Fuck Laura Ingrahm.

Fuck Anabolic Steroids. Fuck Meth. Fuck Cocaine. Fuck Portland.

Fuck Sarah Silverman. Fuck Cover Charges. Fuck Rob Black. Fuck Junkies.

Fuck High School Reunions. Fuck Car Repairs. Fuck Raking Leaves.

Fuck Crackheads. Fuck Shoveling Snow. Fuck Deicing Your Wind Shield.

Fuck Angie’s List. Fuck Themed Cruises. Fuck Craig’s List. Fuck Google.

Fuck Tabloids. Fuck Paparazzi. Fuck The Phelps Family. Fuck Fear Tactics.

Fuck Hate Mongering. Fuck The Dark Web. Fuck Bitcoin.

Fuck Crypto Currency. Fuck Western Union. Fuck The Lottery. Fuck NJ.

Fuck Sweet 16. Fuck Dry Drunks. Fuck Time Shares. Fuck Celine Dion.

Fuck Over Hyping Shit. Fuck White Fear. Fuck Territories. Fuck Franchises.

FuckBigger Is Better. Fuck Name Brands. Fuck Flu Shots.

Fuck Scientologists. Fuck Elron Hubbard. Fuck Amorality.

Fuck Electric Bills. Fuck E Town. Fuck Sugar Ray. Fuck Instagram.

Fuck Vegan Food. Fuck Dietary Restrictions. Fuck Ruts. Fuck Subway.

Fuck Self Fulfilling Prophecies. Fuck Subscriptions. Fuck Megan Kelly.

Fuck Potholes. Fuck Government Cheese. Fuck Public Pools.

Fuck Gated Communities. Fuck Country Clubs. Fuck Obnoxiousness.

Fuck People Who Don’t Tip. Fuck Car Dealerships. Fuck Urinal Troffs.

Fuck Floyd Mayweather Jr. Fuck The Boy Scouts. Fuck Chain Letters.

Fuck Amway. Fuck Pyramid Schemes. Fuck Cheating. Fuck Aesthetics.

Fuck Morticians. Fuck Tank Tops. Fuck Disease. Fuck Champagne.

Fuck White Russians. Fuck Poker. Fuck Athletes Foot. Fuck Jock Itch.

Fuck Leeches. Fuck Ticks. Fuck Debt Collection Agencies. Fuck Wine Coolers.

Fuck Mosquitos. Fuck Hard Cider. Fuck Cockroaches.

Fuck Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Fuck Romantic Comedies. Fuck Tyler Perry.

Fuck Falsehoods. Fuck The High road. Fuck Ambercrombe Finch.

Fuck Strip Malls. Fuck Urban Sprawl. Fuck That’s Delicious. Fuck Nu Metal.

Fuck Glen Danzig. Fuck Allergies. Fuck Snail Mail. Fuck Tony Robbins.

Fuck People Who Don’t Pick Up Their Dog’s Shit. Fuck Pressure. Fuck Loss.

Fuck Migraines. Fuck Disrespect. Fuck Resentment. Fuck Weather Reports.

Fuck Fluff Pieces. Fuck The Food Pyramid. Fuck Editing For Time & Content.

Fuck The Movie Rating Board. Fuck Networking. Fuck Socialites.

Fuck LinkedIn. Fuck Speed Dating. Fuck 3.14. Fuck Smartphone Filters.

Fuck Posting Pictures Of Food. Fuck Aging. Fuck Beautiful People.

Fuck Youth. Fuck The Unwise. Fuck Fashion Designers. Fuck Fashion Week.

Fuck Paris. Fuck Aggression. Fuck Stress. Fuck Anxiety. Fuck Loneliness.

Fuck Valentines Day. Fuck Xanax. Fuck Trump’s EPA. Fuck Breast Cancer.

Fuck Liver Cancer. Fuck Adderall. Fuck Dr. Phil. Fuck Ephedra. Fuck Splenda.

Fuck The “Me, Me, Me!” Mentality. Fuck That We Are All Winners.

Fuck Energy Drinks. Fuck Monster. Fuck Redbull. Fuck The Supreme Court.

Fuck Oxycontin. Fuck Vicodin. Fuck Valium. Fuck Testosterone.

Fuck The Alpha Male Theory. Fuck Blame. Fuck Finger Pointing.

Fuck Perception. Fuck Totalitarianism. Fuck Communism.

AND MOST OF ALL FUCK YOUR BLOG.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Obligations, Broken Down Caravans, Piecemeal Puppetry Part 1

One day, a lady sat down by her dank and musty window. Her eyes barely remembered the landscape that stood before her. Yet yesterday she knew all the intricate shades of the kaleidoscope that stood before her. This moment of temporary insanity she tried to hold onto, but it was not something that wanted to be held. It was something she needed to let go and give back to the universe, whatever darkened and imperfect part of the universe it had come from.

Still the lady had to live today as today, not as yesterday or not as one of the forever distant tomorrows trapped within the recesses of her mind. Most of those tomorrows would never come, yet in this darkness that surrounded her, she would have been ill-fated to predict which apples were oranges, which princesses would turn into pumpkins.

On the ground nearby, she found a small piece of paper. She didn’t know how to make odds or ends of it. She sat there and stared at it. There was something about it which made her smile but since she had forgotten so much of her life, her existence, her being, she only just stuck it away in an important place.

Yet she did not have much faith in the importance of this place, so she called upon one of the other shadows that had recently crept its way forth. How was this shadow even deemed as friendly you ask? It was just a feeling, it was just something she could not explain at this given moment. Her belief in anything and everything around her had stopped but she remembered that as recently as a few days ago or a few weeks ago, there was infinite possibility.

She knew this could flower and flourish again so soon in the distance but she needed his shadow to take her into the light today. She sat down in her motorized scooter and asked for his help. They hovered off into the distance. It was as if he had crowned her with hope, dipped her in holy water, or gave her her first kiss. But she did not remember any of those things, so it was all of those things melded into one and tied with a tight double knot of innocence.

                     By SpaceDog  

Textonics : Another Peak Behind The Curtin of Absurdity

Yes you guessed it here is another text conversation between SpaceDog and Yours Truly discussing doing a joint post using a technique known as “Bible Dipping” (want to know wtf that is then wait for the post or just Goggle the fuck out of it.

Without Further Adu TEXTONICS!

SpaceDog: Yeah kind of funny how the hospital is like the top place to catch shit. They should have a separate entrance for sick people at the hospital and clean them up in one of those chambers like they do in the movies. True True. Do you possess one or both bibles? I think i have a new testament around here somewhere but generally speaking that shit is way too cheerful.

Les: Fuck yeah a decontamination shower. I actually have a few versions of the bible ironically. Thats because people (even me believe that shit or not) get weirded out by ditching a bible even if they donate it to like fucking Good Will or some shit like that. I have a biblical text thats a whole bible dedicated to Revelations. Really grim shit. We should definitely use it for the Devil’s end of the Q&A.

SpaceDog: Speaking of Satan, they brought back sabrina the teenage witch and she’s satanic now. lol. Oh yeah thats like grizzly new T. i was thinking of psalms they are all cheery i read them like 20 times when i was in jail.

Les: Holy Shit I saw that shit on Netflix’s New Line Up and thought of the old original show, BUT I had no fucking idea that Sabrina had gone Satanic. I mean Sabrina was on fucking Nickelodeon for fucks sake. So how do you go from a Kids Network to Being Sabrina and Satan she being all down with the Devil. PSALMS READ IN JAIL! Fucking Fabulous. Just read your latest posts and I have to say they are rather Awesome. Very cool indeed.

SpaceDog: Haha thanks i have to finish part 2 later tonight before i forget what the hell i was talking about.

Les: Hear you there. I have a few  backlogged posts but had to have surgery number fucking 2 for this year so I was sore as shit and whacked out on a combo of Pot and Percocet. Come to think of it I wish I could have written then because that shit would be far fucking out.

SpaceDog: Damn what surgery u have? It Help?

Les: One of My asshole Doctors wanted an insurance policy since I have a bum ticker. So 2 weeks ago I had a Out Patient Procedure done at this Hospital thats Great accept I fucking despise it like taxes. I hope the surgery helps since the procedure was done in case as my Doctor put it “You try and Die on Us again.” So my shoulder was all jacked the fuck up felt like a tried to tackle an 18 wheeler. Lmfao.

SpaceDog: Well thats good my grandfather had that shit done and was right for as long as i can remember so like 30 years maybe? I tried to have surgery but my Doctor talked me out of it. Have something going on with my neck/shoulder area. I forget what the hell she called it.

Les: Damn a Doctor who doesn’t recommend surgery??? Now thats fucking Crazy as Shit.

SpaceDog: She said the scar would be worse. Idk will reevaluate after i drop weight and find myself staring at myself in the mirrors and not avoiding them like the plague.

Les: Reevaluating is always a good fucking idea, I mean thats what second opinions are made of. I need to drop weight myself. Doing good but then there was the Italy deal and then the Surgical Procedure. I need to get the fuck going again and all that happy horse shit.

SpaceDog: The guy currently dating brittany spears dropped 100 lbs in 6 months by doing 2 hours at the gym every morning. Im not exactly sure what i would do there for 2 hours. Even if i stretch out cardio and weight lifting i can only hit 80-90 minutes. What bout the other 30? Free Handjobs? Fake tanning bed? Arguing with the desk staff about something completely irrelevant? The arguing one is always fun especially when you intend to make zero sense.

Les: Brittany Spears is still relevant?! Yeah a 2 hour block in a fucking gym is a stretch but thats why they have personal fucking trainers I suppose. Arguing nonsense is AWESOME and a GREAT past time/ hobby too. Dunno about the extra 30 minutes time killer-filler but you got some good ideas. There a gym in the next town 8 miles down the road. Its a prefab building that houses you basic gym equipment, no contracts, no pressure, no trendy juice bar, no mirrored walls, no TVs, and no staff at all. Fucking Love It. They give you a key once you track down the owner and then you can go anytime you want as much as you want. You just let yourself in whenever ya wanna hump iron.

SpaceDog: Sounds like the old gym i belonged to. It was 24 hrs had a key card, i think the staff left at 6 pm something crazy early. Had to drop that shit because they decided that when they left they would shut off the air conditioning off also. Urge Fitness i guess as in i have to urge to murder these assholes. Owner must be some road head likes to cuss people out in their yelp reviews which is why i review shit anonymously. Cuz i only review some nasty shit. Lol. Like your fucks. I agree sarah Sanders deserves 2 separate fucks. Also i have 3 to add: Fuck Steve Harvey. FUCK BIXBY. FUCK CORTANA. ( those are the rip roaring shitting alexis/siri clones on samsung and windows respectively. Bit/Cortana compared to alexis/siri is like sleazy hollow vs the ritz carlton. Im going to bed i think i will survive one more day without finishing blog. Here’s something to keep u busy. U have to enter for the Mama Mia socks i did lmfao.

Les: They cut the AC thats some real bullshit there the douche bags. Urge is for Assholes LMFBO! Roid Rage the Struggle is REAL. Steroids shrink your balls and gives you bitch tits. I can add the additional fucks tomorrow just gotta edit them in there. Double Fuck(ed). Come to think I may just use your fucks to start off a Part 2. LMFAOMFRS!

***Thats all for this time around kiddies.***

Thanks for Reading

,   Les Sober and SpaceDog 

F to the U to the C to the K

I have to vent some as I’ve got that fucked up feeling like I’m actually going insane.

I can fucking feel It.

I fucking fear It.

I fucking am It.

FUCK IT BEGINS:

Fuck The Bullshit.  Fuck Them. Fuck Money.  Fuck Pharmaceuticals.

Fuck Taxes. Fuck Censorship.  Fuck Salt.  Fuck Bills.

Fuck Organized Religion.  Fuck Politicians.  Fuck The Police.  Fuck Poverty.

Fuck Sexism.  Fuck Fast Food.  Fuck Nazi Scum.  Fuck Homophobes.

Fuck Fox News.  Fuck Trump,  Fuck Driver’s Licenses.  Fuck War.  Fuck Aids.

Fuck Abstinence.  Fuck Ignorance.  Fuck The GOP.  Fuck Fear.

Fuck Pollution.  Fuck Hunting.  Fuck Hypocrisy.  Fuck Half Assed.

Fuck Insurance Companies.  Fuck Hospitals.  Fuck Opioid Pain Killers.

Fuck Flakka.  Fuck Bath Salts.  Fuck Pot Prohibition.  Fuck Order.

Fuck Power.  Fuck The Elite.  Fuck Fake. Fuck Rape.

Fuck Crime. Fuck Society. Fuck The Legal System. Fuck Washington.

Fuck Florida. Fuck Capitalism. Fuck Sports. Fuck The Education System.

Fuck Alex Jones.  Fuck Sarah Sanders. Fuck Ben Carson. Fuck Devos.

Fuck Paul Ryan. Fuck Bill O’Reilly. Fuck Sean Spencer. Fuck Kavanaugh.

Fuck Big Business. Fuck Trade Wars. Fuck Tax Breaks For Wealthy Cunts.

Fuck Doctors. Fuck Ego. Fuck Critics. Fuck Dictators. Fuck Fascists.

Fuck The System. Fuck The Man. Fuck Authority. Fuck Racism.

Fuck Scott Pruitt. Fuck Mitch “The Bitch” McConnell. Fuck Mike Pence.

Fuck AR-15’s. Fuck Mass Shootings. Fuck Anti-Semitism. Fuck Intolerance.

Fuck Bordom. Fuck Fun. Fuck Work. Fuck 401 ks. Fuck Cubicles.

Fuck Animal Abuse. Fuck Elder Abuse. Fuck Child Abuse. Fuck Lawyers.

Fuck CEOs. Fuck FaceBook. Fuck The Internet. Fuck Bullying.

Fuck Melania Trump. Fuck The Entire Trump Family Tree. Fuck Them All.

Fuck Jared Kushner. Fuck Jeff Flake. Fuck Susan Collins. Fuck Lawrenceville.

Fuck Hate. Fuck Anger. Fuck Depression. Fuck Dispare. Fuck Injustice.

Fuck ICE. Fuck Bias. Fuck TV. Fuck Apps. Fuck “Ask Your Doctor”. Fuck Debt.

Fuck Attitude. Fuck Conforming. Fuck The Powers That Be. Fuck Oil.

Fuck Putin. Fuck Gluten. Fuck Kimmy Jong-un. Fuck Pop Punk.

Fuck Ratings. Fuck The American Dream. Fuck Us All. Fuck It To Hell.

Fuck The Oscars. Fuck The Kardashians. Fuck NJ Shore Cast. Fuck Pandora.

Fuck Siri. Fuck Alexa. Fuck Apple. Fuck Bill Gates. Fuck SmartPhones.

Fuck Scams. Fuck SUVs. Fuck YouTube. Fuck Hollywood. Fuck Unoriginality.

Fuck Mundane. Fuck The Norm. Fuck Uber. Fuck Entitlement.

Fuck The Rich. Fuck Nationalists. Fuck Fine Art. Fuck Wine Snobs.

Fuck Foodies. Fuck Hipsters. Fuck Millennials. Fuck Procrastination.

Fuck Failure. Fuck Job Interviews. Fuck Public Opinion. Fuck People.

Fuck Podcasts. Fuck Materialism. Fuck Consumerism. Fuck Restrictions.

Fuck Rules. Fuck The Proud Boys. Fuck Tucker “Fucker” Carlson.

Fuck Sean “The Shithead” Spencer. Fuck Reboots. Fuck McMansions.

Fuck Desperation. Fuck Misery. Fuck Agony. Fuck Pain. Fuck Sadness.

Fuck Conflict. Fuck Hate. Fuck Love. Fuck Humanity. Fuck The World.

Fuck North Korea. Fuck Saudi Arabia. Fuck Terrorists.

Fuck Domestic Terrorism. Fuck The NRA. Fuck Teddy Nugent.

Fuck Roseanne Barr. Fuck Fox Friends. Fuck Kid “Rap” Rock.

Fuck Contracts. Fuck Banks. Fuck The Stock Market. Fuck Exclusion.

Fuck Apartheid. Fuck Lies. Fuck Deceit. Fuck Disloyalty. Fuck Traitors.

Fuck Fair Weather Fans. Fuck Advertising. Fuck Fashion. Fuck Cosmetics.

Fuck limitations. Fuck Child Molesters. Fuck Evangelicals.

Fuck Steve Bannon. Fuck Steve Miller. Fuck Lesly Graham.

Fuck Netflix. Fuck Macho. Fuck Bravado. Fuck Self Centeredness.

Fuck Corruption. Fuck Fraud. Fuck Luxury. Fuck TMZ. Fuck Country Rock.

Fuck Pro Life. Fuck Big Tobacco. Fuck Ramen Noodles. Fuck Obedience.

Fuck Tofu. Fuck Disco. Fuck Expectations. Fuck Curry. Fuck Kale.

Fuck The 90’s. Fuck Political Correctness. Fuck Orthodox.

Fuck Conventional. Fuck Crowds. Fuck Frats. Fuck Collage Sports.

Fuck Commercial Endorsements. Fuck Internet Fame. Fuck Stupidity.

Fuck Ignorance. Fuck The Box. Fuck Diets. Fuck Doctors. Fuck Credit Cards.

Fuck Cell Phone Providers. Fuck Roaming. Fuck Flying. Fuck Security.

Fuck Contradiction. Fuck Two Facedness. Fuck Cliches. Fuck Fads.

Fuck Popularity. Fuck Success. Fuck Protocol. Fuck The Standards.

Fuck Viral Videos. Fuck Stainless Steel Appliances. Fuck Garbage Disposals.

Fuck Home Owners Associations. Fuck Idiocy. Fuck Cancer.

Fuck Heart Disease. Fuck Imitations. Fuck Wannabes. Fuck Lemmings.

Fuck The Hype. Fuck Acceptance. Fuck Star Bucks. Fuck On Line  Shopping.

Fuck Drones. Fuck Robots. Fuck Artificial Intelligence. Fuck Domestication.

Fuck Elon Musk. Fuck Collage Tuitions. Fuck Tests. Fuck Evaluations.

Fuck Envy. Fuck Jealousy. Fuck The DMV. Fuck Public Transportation.

Fuck Movie Theaters. Fuck Amusement Parks. Fuck Disney.

Fuck Time. Fuck The Inevitable. Fuck Fate. Fuck Extinction. Fuck Fuck.

Fuck Interior Design. Fuck Radio. Fuck Desire. Fuck Temptation. Fuck Sex.

Fuck Infomercials. Fuck Propaganda. Fuck The Bullshit. Fuck Sarah Sanders.

Fuck Reality. Fuck Fiction. Fuck Spam (Mail). Fuck Tourists. Fuck Vaping.

Fuck Conspiracy Theories. Fuck Pretense. Fuck Definition.

Fuck Classification. Fuck Indifference. Fuck Schtick. Fuck Arrogance.

Fuck Ikea. Fuck Burning Man. Fuck Fees. Fuck Mensa. Fuck NASA.

Fuck Vegans. Fuck Celebrity Chefs. Fuck Mixology.

Fuck Pomp and Circumstance. Fuck Folly. Fuck Gasoline. Fuck Ivy League.

Fuck Superiority. Fuck The Majority. Fuck The Flock. Fuck Followers.

Fuck “Likes”. Fuck The Flue. Fuck Double Standards. Fuck Exclusivity.

Fuck Wealth. Fuck Fame. Fuck Fortune. Fuck Disbelief. Fuck Shock and Awe.

Fuck Fanatics. Fuck Zealots. Fuck Day Dreams. Fuck Salesman.

Fuck Pressure Sales. Fuck False Apologies. Fuck Cheating. Fuck Giving Up.

Fuck Whining. Fuck Bitching. Fuck Lamenting. Fuck Complaining.

Fuck Excuses. Fuck Reason. Fuck The Past. Fuck Fuck Ups. Fuck The Upside.

Fuck Feelings. Fuck Loss. Fuck Death. Fuck Life. Fuck Institutions.

Fuck Organization. Fuck Fault. Fuck Instability. Fuck Box Stores.

Fuck Self Check Out. Fuck Contradiction. Fuck Smartphone Games.

Fuck The End. Fuck The Beginning. Fuck Mark Zuckerberg.

Fuck George “Corpse Grinder” Fisher. Fuck American Idol.

Fuck Reality Shows. Fuck Greed. Fuck Contempt. Fuck Regret. Fuck Ethics.

Fuck Dennis Miller. Fuck Kellyann Conway. Fuck Artificial Shit.

Fuck Imposters. Fuck False Profits. Fuck Weaponizing Holy Scriptures.

Fuck the Repetitive. Fuck Designer Dogs. Fuck Child Beauty Pageants.

Fuck Concern. Fuck Gamers. Fuck Emo. Fuck PG-13. Fuck Merchandise.

Fuck Malls. Fuck Billboards. Fuck HBO. Fuck Amazon. Fuck Walmart.

Fuck Monopolies. Fuck Privatized Prisons. Fuck Fines.

Fuck Eating Horse Meat. Fuck Whale Hunting. Fuck Big Game Hunting.

Fuck Boarders. Fuck Land Ownership. Fuck The Government. Fuck The FCC.

Fuck The IRS. Fuck Exploitation. Fuck Drama. Fuck Fuckers. Fuck Hunger.

Fuck Knock-Offs. Fuck Non Alcoholic Beer. Fuck The “It Place”.

Fuck Internet Challenges. Fuck Posers. Fuck Light Weights.

Fuck The Mainstream.

Well I feel a bit better so back to The Grind.

Thanks for Reading,

   Les Sober

Not All Swings Are For Children…

One of My Dearest Friends Mr. Matt (who died far too young) who wasn’t just a incredible Story Teller he also had some of the best Stories I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.

I found Myself the other evening indulging in a few too many Beers and reminiscing about My time with Mr. Matt when I realized I could help immortalize Mr. Matt’s insane Stories by Posting them.

I then realized that since its been much longer than I can comprehend since the World Lost Mr. Matt and that I’m only getting Older if I was going to help preserve Mr. Matt’s Wonderful Tales I better start soon as possible.

Thats the only malfunction of Memory is that while it helps us remember our friends and Family etc. its designed to Fade, and I can’t in good conscience let these Terrific Tales fall by the wayside to be forgotten.

Mr. Matt and I shared a common confusion when it came to kids and communication. Thats to say We both liked kids its just when it comes to talking to kids it was an exercise in awkwardness.

I think its because kids have several behavioral/emotional/intellectual stages pertaining to their age, and its hard for me to tell what phase the child is in thus how to exactly relate to it. Let me explain a bit here.

The Stages as I understand them are basically this. First the kid is a “Newborn” then it transitions into an Infant. From there Kids evolve into Toddlers, and then the kid hits some shit called “The Terrible 2s” (which means your kid is going to be a real asshole so heads up)

Then the kid hits double digits turning 10, and I have no fucking clue what so fucking ever what the fuck the “Tween Years” are or about.

Then Puberty hits the Kid like a freight fucking Train and all hell started breaking loose like a real Shit Storm. I fully believe NO ONE can actually communicate with a Teenager THEIR RAGING ASSHOLES.

So without Further A do Here is Mr. Matt’s “Not All Swings Are For Children”

It was a fine fucking day in the sweltering Great Southern Swamp and Mr. Matt and His Partner were lounging about lazily sipping cocktails as they milled idly about the house.

Now there was at the time a little girl around the age of 5 or so who lived a few houses down the street from Mr.Matt who had become utterly infatuated by Mr. Matt and His Partner. She had started a habit of leaving little tokens and presents (like little crafts, a drawing so on and so forth) on their Welcome matt outside the front door.

Well apparently the Father of said Little Girl has decided to walk over to Mr. Matt’s house with his young daughter in tow. He wanted to see if the Neighbors were ok with his kid leaving presents outside their door daily (like a fucking Cat leaving you a dead mouse to help really make your morning.)

Mr. Matt and His Partner answered the door and invited the two inside for a quick social bullshit chat. The adults were standing around in a loose triangle formation discussing the topic of the Child’s obsessive present giving.

Things were going fine as the mundane chitchat rambled on until Mr. Matt looked down and noticed the Daughter was missing having wondered off to explore the rest of his house. Mr. Matt panicked though he hid it well.

You see Mr. Matt and His Partner had a “Adults Only” room in their house shall we say, and Mr. Matt realized instantly that the normally secured door to the “Adults Only” room had been carelessly left open.

Mr. Matt raced around the house as fast as he could without raising suspicion that is, and as one would imagine he found the Child inevitably in the “Adults Only” Room looking around all wide eyed and innocent.

Mr. Matt quickly collected the Little Girl and returned with her to the Living Room were Mr. Matt continued to chat all the while wondering what the fuck the kid might say or do since her brief adventure behind the curtain as it were.

Right as the conversation is winding down and the Father and his Young Daughter get ready to leave the kid announced excitedly

“Hey Daddy, They have a SWING in Their HOUSE!!!”

The moment of silence that followed was beyond awkward as I’m sure everyone there was scrambling around in their skulls trying to think of what possibly could they say or do about this surprise situation.

At last the Father looked down at his Young Daughter and replied

“Well Lets get you home and Bleached Off.”

And that was the last time Mr. Matt or His Partner ever saw either the Father nor His Daughter ever again.

The Presents Continued until the Family finally moved out of the area 2 years later.

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

These little earthworms…

Tap tap tap tap.

Something profound was about to happen.

A post. A chant. The burning of a circle of candles. Spelling my name in a random parking lot with powdered incense.

Instead i sit here like a ghost falling asleep to Ross Lynch on my TV.

The music is always playing. The music is always playing. Not for pleasure. It’s pain.

Radiator blasts. Apartment discomfort. The cute men turn into trolls with dissected penises.

. (Was going to put a pic of one but i lost the pic, my stiffy due to the pic and now half of my dinner due to a prolapsed asshole while trying to find aforementioned dual penii)

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. I crave the silence. Nothing nothing. Sprinklers going off in flood warnings. Puddle divers everywhere.

Tears. In the river. In my supper. No cranberry sauce for you. Heretic. Golden shower. Vomit is coating the floor. It matches my new drapes. Should i leave it? Should it stay for the night?

To keep the puddles company? Lay with the trances. Deliver the quiet. Not real at all. He heard. He heard.

Ganja memory.

Yay cinema! part uno

Every since I can remember I have always been a sucker for a great movie. I will literally drop everything when one of my favorites comes onto my television. I will do what I call the G rated Hollywood cyber stalk when I come across any new actor or actress I’ve discovered who can act and is pleasing to the eye. I will literally pan down the list of movies someone has been in and try to watch as many as possible in that one day. Clearly, this has made my amount of blog posting suspect at best or if we are being total honest non-existent.

There is no real great recollection of my first movie. When it comes to theaters, that movie was E.T.  I cried at the end though I really cannot remember. Literally the next thing I remember about movies is making characters that I thought should be in movies. Not in specific movies. In my movies.

I would see these people in my head while in somewhat of a meditative condition. They would tell me all kinds of intricate details about their lives, their dreams, hopes, desires. Of course, since I was 12 and had little knowledge of the world, these were not exactly groundbreaking. I hid them from everyone. I had suspicions that my parents were reading any little thing I ever wrote and I really did not want them seeing.

So all my childhood characters and playmates ran away. In the beginning they simply made their way to the trash can. Later in my teenage years, the pyromania took full effect and they were always burned. Sometimes by a chant, sometimes by the dead silence of the night, it was a way to let them go again. I didn’t need them taking space in my head just in case they were some kind of malevolent spirit.

For a very long time all of these people, characters, and even a few animals went away. Perhaps it was my dabbles in drugs (or lack thereof as I had rampant visions during my teenage nuclear winter years), my self-deprecation gone awry, or modern technology sucking the life out of me. Most likely it was just everything pilling up into some great big shitstorm all at once.

Then something started to change in the past week. It all started with a seizure. I always portend seizures as a sign of change or trouble and I was not sure exactly what this one would bring. The majority occur when I am passed out or crunk as fuck so it honestly was quite the surprise. Luckily I was seated and it was relatively mild, no loss of consciousness, no loss of surroundings.

Afterwards things began to take remarkable change in my life. I noticed myself laughing again and honesty could not remember the last time I seriously laughed at the complete mundaneness of the world.

Something opened up inside of me. It was almost sexual in nature but without any arousal. It felt like being proud of having snagged someone for the night who is out of your league. It felt like passionately kissing a former lover at the train station never to see them again. Waving goodbye at them with the passion of 19th century mob at a departing ship. A few fake I loves exchanged was the cherry on top of your amicably departing orgasms.

Yet this wasn’t sexual. This was more. This was everything. Yeah sure the internal sadness is still here but it’s kind of like this eternally pestering buzzing noise in my apartment. It can always be drowned out. I was doing a decent job swimming until last night.

That is when it all changed yet again.

To be continued…..

By SpaceDog

The Insane Electric Scam

If your like me, my experience, or the People I have spoken with when it comes to Bills the biggest bitch of the bunch is the Electric Bill. Its no exception here in the Southern Country.

Well there is one chief difference, The Area in which I reside is at the Heart of one of the Longest on Going, BUT SOME HOW LEGAL Scams by the Conmen at POS&MF Electric.

Now if you haven’t noticed I have a sick fascination (bordering on Obsession ) with Scams. I love picking them apart revealing how utterly fucking idiotic they actually are, and then talking shit about the Stupid Scam Artists. I believe I posted a previous Post pertaining to Scams that explains what I’m talking about further so back to the story.

It all started many, many motherfucking moons ago in 2003 when POS&MF announced they were going to build the greatest Electric Plant the World has ever fucking witnessed.

It was billed to the TiTs I tell you. It was going to take 900-1000 archers of land just to built the Behemoth. It was going to provide THOUSANDS of Jobs for a Economically Depressed Area which had the Locals psyched as hell.

The New Plant was going to have the NEWEST Technology available. Thus providing the Highest quality service available to their beloved customers.

It would be run by the most intelligent and qualified experts money could buy. Their genius alone would fuel the endless success that the New Humungous Plant POS&MF proclaimed.

And the best part of POS&MF’s new Mega Plant  announcement was that it would end up reducing Customer’s bills as the New Plant would be much more efficient than their current cluster of sub stations.

Now Here’s The Scam:

Now to raise the excessive amount of capital needed not to mention the Bill Gate’s sized Bankroll needed to Build the New Plant POS&MF had formulated a gloriously simple scam.

POS&MF informed their Customers that to raise the funds needed for the New Plant they would be adding a NEW ADDITIONAL CHARGE TO THEIR CUSTOMER’S BILL. The reason for the SHARP (and excessive) increase would go directly for building the New Super Plant that would enrich Customer’s lives and improve quality of life for all according to POS&MF’s endless line of Propaganda and Self Serving Announcements.

Over the next 10 years POS&MF while continuing to collect more money to build the aforementioned Super Station every month from their Customer’s managed to blow $9 BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Yes thats a 9 with a BILLION behind it. POS&MF blew a $9 Billion Budget. Who the hell can fuck up to the tune of $9 BILLION??!!! How does one fuck up to the tune of $9 BILLION, I mean thats a rather fantastical fuck up.

HERES WHERE IT GETS REALLY ABSURDLY INSANE…

After 6 years or so POS&MF had epically failed attempting to build its New Electric Plant was now facing being stuck with $9 BILLION tab.

So POS&MF informed their Customer’s that the New Plant Project was officially being cancelled.

Now first off  Customer’s WOULDN’T BE REIMBURSED A SINGLE GODDAMN DIME of the Extra Fee they were billed for every month for the last 6 years.

AND HERE WHERE IT GETS REALLY ABSURD AND UTTERLY INSANE…

The Story is still Continuing to This Day.

You see Customer’s are STILL BEING CHARGED MONTHLY UNDER THE GUEISS THAT ITS FOR A/THE NEW PLANT THAT WILL NEVER ACTUALLY BE BUILT.

Somehow POS&MF managed to collect $9 BILLION in additional Fees over 6 years from its Customers and blow it out their collective ass. Then after announcing the Cancellation of the New Plant Project has managed to (under some mysterious pretense) CONTINUE to Bill Their Customer’s the Additional Service Fees for another 4 years for THE FAILED PLANT.

What that means is after a decade POS&MF failed to build a New Plant as they promised, Cost Customer’s an additional total of $9 BILLION over 6 years, Cancelled the Project, and are now continuing to charge the Extra Service Fees to reimburse themselves for the 9 BILLION DOLLARS THEY SQUANDERED.

If that isn’t one of the all time Shittiest and ingenious Scams I don’t know what the fuck is.

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

First Loves

I have not been writing in a while. I realized some of the things I say I am going to write about and don’t write about, well basically the reason I do not write about them is because well they are not really all that important. I say I’m going to blog about the status of my weight loss and this bullshit and that bullshit but I don’t really care. If I really gave two shits about that I’d be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the day.

Wow I can’t believe his name is in my spell check. I highly doubt my last name will ever make it into the spellchecks of the universe one day. I really hope not actually I’d rather change my name to muffinsnatch. That would be kinda neat to have pop up as a possible spelling in spellcheck.

It’s funny though how in life we get so caught up with the stupid shit and lose sight of the big picture. I really hate when people use the phrase “The Big Picture” because truthfully the big picture for them is nowhere even close to what it is for you. It is so profoundly different for everyone involved. A lot of people don’t have the depth to see this. It is rather unfortunate.

Thankfully I do. Thankfully I see that while my dreams may meet up with the dreams of others at a crossroads or two, my dreams are not theirs, they are not mine.

I have been blessed with the ability to succeed in many different undertakings. Unfortunately many of the different things I have undertaken do not have a glass ceiling. Even if they did have a glass ceiling, I have long since shattered it. It is time to move on.

That being said. While I love writing and love the blogging and such, it is not my first love. No person is my first love. That distinction goes to music.

No matter how many times I may be disappointed or alarmed or happy or jubilant or whatever, I will always come back. I will always be on the search for more. Unfortunately I do not see a concussion at any point in my future so my talent will be none or hope to god everyone is in a blackout and doesn’t remember anything i attempted.

To me it is just better then a first kiss, better then the first shot of liquor, the first spike in my arm, the feeling of love I get when I’m talking to that special someone. There is nothing that can replace the excitement, the pure glee in all my veins on the night of a show. Heck even when someone local has a gig I still get the same kind of rush and excitement and bliss.

I may write more in the future, god knows I have so so much I have not written about. But for now I am embracing my first love and making as many Tracks as humanly possible or until I run out of money to buy blank CD’s and the cases to put them in.

Maybe along the way I’ll mix some sounds together but regarding that one I have one thing to say. Don’t hold your breath.

 By SpaceDog

Mixology Makeover : The Beertail’s Backstory

Mixology is a truly annoying Hipster Fueled Trend that seems to have no end, at least not in sight. One of the things that irritates me about Mixology is its pretentious bullshit attitude, and its revamping Old School or Cheap Shit Drinks with a High Class Upgrade (usually fresh exotic ingredients, a bottle of Bitters, some Muddling, Majestic Mixers, and Perhaps Smoke or a Little Fire bullshit Fanfare)

These cheap tricks come with a egotistically driven upscale cost of $18-22 for just a single drink. I don’t know about you but when I walk into a Bar I want a stiff drink not a  drawn out pretentious as hell Circus De Olay drink making (oh fucking sorry they call it “Assembling” or “Constructing” as in Assembling/Constructing a Drink as opposed to Making a Drink) performance art piece of shit put on by some 1920’s dressed throwback Lumberjack looking  Hipster Over Styled Pompous  Mixologist.

The latest Abomination in Alcohol  perpetrated by Mixology is the New Trend of Cocktails referred to as Beertails. Now giving credit where credit is due Mixology has a much more Tried and True formula for constructing Their version of a Beertail.

What I mean is that they’re more of what you would expect a Beertail is when try and picture it in your mind for the first time.

Mixology Beertails are legitimate Cocktails that is their principle ingredient is LIQUOR, then there are the Mixers such as Bitters or some Aromatic bullshit, AND THEN IT’S TOPPED OFF with a Bit of Beer.

When it comes to the ORIGINAL Beertail(s) Well thats a Horse of a completely different color I assure you. Lets take a look further shall we yes lets.

Now the origin of the Original Beertail is sort of a Who came first the Chicken or the Egg situation. See there were until very recently only 2 places one would or could find a Beertail.

One was in a 22-24 ounce can Made By Budweiser (who to their credit did a damn good bit of Advertising considering their concoction was a Laughing Stock since day fucking one) at where ever it is you purchase Alcohol from. l (Geography actually applies here so go High School fucking Science)

Budweiser versions of BeerTails such as:

Grape-A-Rita,

Apple-Ahhh-Rita

Peach-A-Rita

Mango-Rita/ Mang-A-Rita

Coco-Nut-Rita

Cherry-Ahhh-Rita

Berry-A-Rita (Limited Edition)

Raz-Ber-Rita

Lime-A-Rita

Straw-Ber-Rita

Lemon-Ade-Rita

Water-Melon-Rita

Cran-Brrr-Rita (With or Without Lime)

Pine-Apple-Rita

Consisted of 2 simple ingredients. 1st being Beer the 2nd being the Cheap Mass Produced Artificial as Fuck Flavored Icy Slush.

Budweiser took a good bit of shit over this line of product BUT their still making and selling it so bottomline SOMEONE and quite a few SOMEONES are buying them thus keeping them on the market.

Budweiser’s Beer-A-Rita’s were written off by most members of the general public as yes a fucking joke, not to mention disgusting tasting. They were considered Collage Material a staple of Frats/Societies across the Nation.

Others busted Budweiser’s balls by referring to Beer-A-Ritas as the number one cocktail choice of White Trash, The Only Alcohol you can buy with Food Stamps, For White Trash Wedding, Voted the number one drink in Trailer Parks across America, and other shit like that.

The Second place you could partake of an Original Beertails was in off the Beaten Path, Out in the Woods/Sticks/Boonies, the Path less Followed type of Tiny Towns. These small out of the way towns have some odd rules pertaining to Alcohol.

Mainly it the Rule that a Bar can Sell Wine and Beer ONLY, NO LIQUOR NOT EVEN A SINGLE AIRPLANE BOTTLE, NOT A SINGLE SHOT IN THE ENTIRE ESTABLISHMENT.

The second odd and annoying Rule is there are also NO LIQUER STORES or PLACES YOU CAN PURCHASE BEER  or WINE. Remember the Geography comment well here is where it applies most here.

In some places you have to buy Beer and Liquor SEPARATELY meaning you have to drive to 2 different stores. Some places still bar the Sale of Alcohol on Sundays, and some places you can Buy Wine/Beer at Grocery Stores, Gas Stations, Convince Stores pretty much everywhere, and so on.

So to adapt to these ridiculous limitations these Tiny Town’s Bars came up with the idea of mixing a 12 ounce beer (Ironically Budweiser was a top pick), and some of the aforementioned Cheap, Nasty, Artificial as Fuck Flavored Icy Slush. They chose Margarita mix and called it the Beer-Rita. They also chose Bloody Mary Mix creating the Beery Mary.

The Bottomline being here Beertails/Beer-Ritas were Beer and Cheap Frozen Drink Mix, and One of the WORST IDEAS IN ALCHOL THATS EVER BEEN THOUGHT UP.

Granted now there is a grey area. During the transition from a fucking Joke Drink into today’s Mixology’s version there was a sub sect of Beertails that made the MOST SENSE to me in the “By Definition” perspective.

Here are just a few:

The Beerita (no Hyphen here) is 7 ounces of Beer, Margarita Mix, and Lime Wedge for Garnish.

The Dirty Flower- Wheat Beer mixed with Fruit Punch

Chelada- Beer, Hint of Lime, and Clamato (You may have also seen Budweisers version of this additional failure still lurking around though rare.)

Chelada Version 2- Light Beer mixed with Lime Juice

Bul- Light Beer mixed with Ginger Ale

Black Velvet- 1/2 Guinness Beer 1/2 Champagne

Snake Bite- 1/2 a Lagar Beer and 1/2 Hard Cider

Radler- 1/2 Lagar Beer and 1/2 Grape Fruit SOD

As you can see the first transitional versions of Beertails were elevated a bit but still a bit of a Novelty Joke. In The End god knows where the hell the bitter tail of the Beertail will eventually come to its demise, but if I’m still drinking then I’ll be there.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober