February 2019 – f-your blog

Hatepocrisy : Domestic Abuse Vs Rape

In a World full of Hypocrisies there are a few out there that just confuse the living hell out of Me to be honest, and this is one of Them.

This Hypocrisy lies with The Police.

Cops are SUPPOSED to be Completely Objective as a Law Officer, and NOT allow Personal Feelings or Biases to interfere with Them doing on Duty. The problem is the Police Officers are People. They’re Human Beings, and thus They are flawed as fuck. We all are Flawed its just a matter of Who admits it and Who the fuck Doesn’t.

Its this unhealthy blend of Power and Humanity that breeds this bizarre, (and completely contradictory) reaction from Police when it comes to the Crimes of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE.

With that said heres the Hypocrisy I’m talking about:

Now when it comes to Domestic Violence where statistically the Victims are Female and the Aggressor is Male. Thats just an unfortunate fucking fact.

The Police I have known (Along with The General Public and Myself) feel that a Man who lays His hands on a Woman is a exceptional Piece of Shit which is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT (the only way it could get worse is if a Child is being beaten).

AND ITS BECAUSE OF THIS PERSONAL OPINION that when the Police respond to a Domestic Violence call They readily assume its the Man’s fault NO MATTER WHAT may have occurred. The Man is swiftly detained, handcuffed, arrested and taken to Jail Wham Bam Done.

The Police then bender over fucking backwards to assure the Victim that they will do everything possible to make sure the Accused is out of the picture for good, going to jail or whatever. Its as if the Officers have some sort of “White Knight in Shining Armor” image of Themselves in this situation. As if They have rode in Valiantly to save the Fair Maiden in Distress from The Vilest of Villains.

Outside of Child Victims this is the only time that to their credit Cops show empathy and concern for an actual Victim. That is they treat the Victim like a Victim instead of just a fucking pawn in a Crime.

Not only that but while being booked and awaiting bail the Accused is treated like He’s been CONVICTED ALREADY without His God Given Right as an American to have his Day in Court.

REMEMBER KIDDIES PEOPLE ARE PRESUMED INNOCENT IN AMERICA UNTIL PROVEN BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT IN A COURT OF LAW THAT THEY ARE IN FACT GUILTY.

Point: When it comes to Domestic Violence The Police act as Gallant Defenders of the Sovereign Lands preserving Peace, Justice, and Truth through out the fucking American Empire.

BUT WHEN THE CRIME IS RAPE THE POLICES REACTION AND BEHAVIOR DRASTICALLY CHANGE for the WORST.

When it comes to the Crime of Rape again the Victims are Mainly Women and Men are the Attackers. Another truly shitty statistic.

NOW when the Police answer a Rape Call They virtually IGNORE THE VICTIM leaving Medics, Social Workers, and Therapists to tend to the Traumatized Victim.

Then when the Victims are interviewed (INTERROGATE IS MORE FUCKING LIKE IT) by the Police Officer(s) or Detectives THEY ARE TREATED AS THE GUILTY PARTY.

Victim Blaming BEGAN WITH RAPE.

Instead of trying to find the sick fuck who’s responsible the Crime the Cops spend AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF TIME making EXUSES FOR THE CRIME.

And Every Excuse is the fucking VICTIMS FAULT. They fucking demand to know if She was drinking, The location She was at, The People She was with, What She was Wearing, What Her Make Up Looked like and MORE POINTLESS FUCKING SHIT LIKE THAT.

AND if the Police actually arrest some demented asshole ITS LEFT TO THE VICTIM TO PROVE THAT A CRIME WAS COMMITTED because in Court Shack of Shit Lawyers will run the “Was it actually Your Fault?” routine described above BUT FAR WORSE.

Lawyers take the sexist bullshit line of questioning to a whole far more fucked up level, BUT I’ll get back to those bastards later in a Post devoted solely to Them. (REMEMBER KIDS THE ONLY GOOD LAWYER IS A FUCKING DEAD ONE.)

Heres a fucking idea for the Police SOME SICK ASSHOLES RAPE POOR INNOCENT PERSONS BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING TWISTED EVIL SCUMFUCKERS.

Its fucked up BUT I can’t help wondering if the Difference in Reactions is due to technology today We are learning about more and more RAPIST COPS.

Well of COURSE I’M RIGHT. Police Protect Their Own even the so called “Good Cops” PROTECT Criminal Cops.

SO COP OR CRIMINAL REMEMBER KIDDIES BAD PEOPLE DO BAD SHIT.

ITS WHAT MAKES THEM BAD PEOPLE.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Word Play Redefining Definitions

Do those who ay Not Know the Washington post has a Yearly contest for it Readers. Readers are asked to come up with New Alternate Meanings for Commonly used Words.

We are Happy to Present this Years Winning Entries. We only regret We were Not provided with the Author’s Names, BUT We would Love to by Each of Them a Drink or Two or Three.

This is a Excellent Example of Creativity OVER Technologies Inane, IQ Lowering, Mindless Drivel that the Tech Industry Pumps out on a Massive Scale on a Daily fucking Basis, But I Digress.

Winners are Listed in NO Particular Order, Enjoy.

Coffee,n. The Person upon Whom One coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by Discovering how much Weight One has Gained.
Abdicate, v. To give up ALL Hope of ever having a Flat Stomach.
Esplanade, v. To attempt an Explanation while Drunk.
Negligent, adj. Absent Mindedly answering the Door when wearing only a Nightgown.
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent
Lymph, v. To Walk with a Lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, n. Emergency Vehicle that picks up Someone who has been run over by a Steamroller.
Balderdash, n. A Rapidly Receding Hairline.
Testicle, n. A Humorous Question on an Exam.
Rectitude, n. The Formal, Dignified bearing adopted by Proctologists.
Pokemon, n. Rastafarian Proctologist.
Oyster, n. A Person who sprinkles Their conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. The Belief that, after Death, the Soul flies up onto the Roof and gets Stuck There.
Circumvent, n. An Opening in the Front of Boxer Shorts worn By Jewish Men.

There You have it 2019’s Washington Post’s Contest Winners, and again Excellent Job to Everyone Involved.

Can’t wait to Enter Ourselves come 2020.

Thanks for Reading,

Presented by Les Sober

I am not the Wizard of Oz

Dear friends, dear readers, dear non-readers, dear heretics, dear plagued, dear vindicated……

I would like to tell you all something right now that I need to get out into the open. I am not the Wizard of Oz. I cannot be everything, especially not your everything. I am not Mary J Blige.

This is not Emerald City, although there are plenty of poppy plants hidden away in wax paper bags only a few miles away. This is not the yellow brick road, although I have been known to occasionally pee in the snow. I like free form art.

I am not the Cowardly Lion. I may be scared of too many things that are not scary at all and too comfortable with things that most people would be petrified by.

I am not the Tin Man, although if I had it my way, my heart would only be something I carried out of the house maybe once or twice a month so I could give to the little children out in front of a store. Although I’d probably be more likely to give my dollar to a homeless man having the DTs in front of a liquor store. I have been there myself.

I am most certainly not the Scarecrow. I do have a brain, yes. I tried to be the scarecrow for too many years. Society wants us to dumb ourselves down. I trained people at many different jobs and frankly it was cater to the dumbest person and just pray they got fired.

“You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye!!!!!”

I get in trouble when I say those kind of things to people. The last person I told to have a nice life, well I ended up next to him a psych ward. These are not the brightest things to say. Try saying a bunch of stupid things to your friends, to strangers, to lovers. You will get bit in the ass. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you better hope soon. The longer it takes the harsher the penance.

Maybe it’s my recovering Catholicismic self. Or maybe that’s just life.

So with that being said maybe I am the wizard of oz. I mean I do like the color green. I do like smoke, and I do like mirrors. I’m not particularly fond of curtains though, except maybe shower curtains. My neighbor is outside frequently and I am not in fighting shape right now. But the fight never ends. Thankfully, my fight will never end.

I am not your answer. I may be your solution. But answer not. I can conjure anything that I so desire, but that comes with visualization. If we can see it and believe it, well it will come.

you’ll be given love
you’ll be taken care of
you’ll be given love
you have to trust it

maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at

The words of Bjork. Maybe you agree, maybe you don’t. I do. It doesn’t matter what you love. As long as you love something about yourself, you can love something about another. I know some people can find that statement bullshitty, but it’s a bullshitty fact. If you don’t at least love something about yourself, deeper then the color of your eyes or the size of your breasts or the way you look in the mirror you will find a way to survive and the want to survive.

But still just remember I am not the Wizard of Oz. I am not your answer. This all could be the solution or this all could just be a dream

Decide for yourself.

By SpaceDog

Working Out With Words: An Exercise In Intelligent Absurdity

Its that time of Year Folks. Time for the Washington Post’s MENSA INVITATIONAL once again.

Members of the Public are invited to take ANY WORD from the Dictionary. The the Public was asked to ALTER THE WORD They picked by Adding, Subtracting, OR by Change One Letter.

Once the Word is Altered the Person must PROVIDE A NEW DEFINITION for the Altered Word.

Obviously We love Words We’re Writers. Words are the preverbal Tools of The Trade as “They”say. Words can Build Kingdoms or Destroy Empires. Without Words Mankind would live in a Silent World of Primitive Charades accented by Grunts.

Absurdity is a Extremely Versatile Tool it can Be Used for Creativity or Mockery. It allows the Reader to See things from FAR DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES that were invisible to said reader Prior to Reading.

We fully believe the Cliche “The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword” because You Can’t Kill Written Ideas, Thoughts, or Concepts nearly as easily as a Singular Human Being.

So without a Further Edu Here are 17 THE WINNERS of The Washington Post’s MENSA INVITATIONAL 2019 in No Particular Order.

Cashtration (n): The act of Buying a House, which renders the Subject Finically Impotent for a Indefinite Period of Time.
Ignoranus: A Person who’s BOTH Stupid and an Asshole
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a Tax Refund which lasts until You realize it was YOUR MONEY TO START WITH.
Reintarnation: Coming Back to Life as a Hillbilly.
Bozone (n): The Substance surrounding Stupid People that stops Bright Ideas from Penetrating. The Bozone Layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of Breaking Down in the Near Future.
Foreploy: Any Misrepresentation about Yourself for the Purpose of getting Laid.
Giraffitit: Vandalism Spray Painted VERY, VERY HIGH.
Sarchasm: The Gulf between the Author of Sarcastic Wit and the Person Who DOESN’T GET IT.
Inoculatte: To take Coffee Intravenously when You are Running Late.
Osteopornosis: A Degenerate Disease (This one got Extra Credit as it Should)
Karmageddon:Its ike when Everybody is sending off all these really Bad Vibes, right? And then. like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious Bummer.
Decafalon (n): The Grueling Event of getting through the Day consuming ONLY Things that are Good for You.
Glibido: All Talk and NO Action.
Doppeler Effect: The Tendancy of Stupid Ideas to seem Smarter when They come at You Rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The Frantic Dance preformed just after You’ve accidentally walked through a Spider’s Web.
Beelzebug (n): Satan in the Form of a Mosquito, that gets into Your Bedroom at 3 in the Morning and CONNOT be Cast Out.
Caterpallar (n): The color You turn after finding half a Worm in the Fruit You’re Eating.

This List is a SPLENDID EXAMPLE of What is Possible When One isn’t Possessed by Social Media or Flappy Dappy Doodle Crush. Thinking IS an Exercise NO ONE wants to do Now a Days. Its all Point Click Stare Blankly at for Hours. Its the reason I sign off EACH POST with “Thanks for Reading” because it not just about Reading MY POST, But just Reading in General as opposed to Asinine App.

Thanks for Reading,

Brought to You By Les Sober

Facebook Follies

Hello Readers,

I would like to Apologize in ADVANCE for the Lack of New Content for the Next Day or Two. I know You all must be getting tired of these interim issues, and again I apologize.

This is a Small Independent Operation of a handful of Like Minded Writers and Artists as such WE ARE BROKE AS HELL. Thats why We have to work exponentially harder to promote Ourselves than some of these other Blog Bitch Asses that hire a Professional Public Relations Department for Hundreds of Dollars a Month. Then They sit back and act Arrogant like They had something to do with the Promotion of Their Product.

People have suggested going the GoFundMe route to raise funds, But I have a strong aversion to that idea (for now anyway). I’m Hard Headed as Hell and Stubborn as shit.

Its more than likely a fucking Pipe Dream, but I’d LOVE to keep FYB totally Independent because the more outside influences invade FYB the more the Product will/would suffer.

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen and The Food Goes to Shit as “They” say. Only Time will Tell.

Anyway We are experiencing a All Hands On Deck to handle/combat the FACEBOOK PROMOTION PROBLEM. You see as Much as I despise FB its fucking FREE. And lets face even with The Cambridge Analytical (and other crooked as fuck shit orchestrated by MARK “Face Book” Zuckerberg) People are SO fucking ADDICTED They still use FB.

Even if They Object to all the Pimping of Personal Information to fuck knows Who, and for God knows for what fucking Purpose They can’t say NO MORE and QUIT FB. They’re strung out Social Media Junkies, FB is The Opium of the Masses circa 2019.

Well if You remember quite a few Moons ago I tried to Return to FB for the reason of FYB Promotion and 48 fucking hours later I was LOCKED OUT OF MY PERSONAL PAGE AND FYB’S PROMO PAGE.

Apparently FB tends to think I’m a Bot which is Mind Boggling. So I Said “Well I tried and FB still SUCKS DONKEY KONG DICK.” It has been suggested to Me that in My Manic Intensity jumping fully into the Project could lend someone to believe I must be a fucking Machine to work that Fast. And That Was That.

I realized recently I needed to get over Myself, Burry the Preverbal FB Hatchet, and Start Anew.

A Good Bud of Our’s by the Name of Norman McCoy volunteered to step in as Our Interim Social Media Supervisor, and We more than Happily took Him up on His offer.

On Tuesday Evening of this Evening McCoy has to a Free minute so He set up a Face Book Page to Chronicle the Goings On at FYB.

Wednesday McCoy logged into FB and spent an Hour and 17 minutes just putzing around more or less. That was until FB cut in and subjected McCoy to an impromptu Security Check. McCoy FULLY COMPLIED as best He could. I say that because some of the Questions didn’t have actual answers.

One of the Numerous Questions was the Bot Check You know the one where they show You a bunch of random Pictures and ask ‘Which are Pictures of Roads, Houses, Bridges etc. BUT FB’S READ ONLY: What am I Looking At?

It never specified WHAT You were supposed to be looking for to Answer the goddamn Question. So McCoy had to guess what the fuck FB wanted and replied “Random Street Scenes.”

After FB sudden and Schizophrenic Security Questions They demanded a Picture of McCoy sent to Them for “Review” WHICH HE DID SEVERAL TIMES. Yet FB has effectively locked Him out of the Account pending Their bullshit fake as fuck Security Picture Demand. I think its Safe to Say FB won’t be letting McCoy back in ANYTIME SOON or EVER for that Matter.

We took a internet stroll over to Good Old Reddit to see if anyone else knew what the fuck was going on as McCoy hadn’t violated FB’s Rules & Regulations as far as We and He were/are Aware.

We found more than a few People who were facing FB issues similar to McCoy. People were confounded as They too had been suddenly and unceremoniously by FB for Unknown reason(s) to Them. Some Poor Users managed to straiten the issue out ONLY TO HAVE IT HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN every several Days to Weeks to Months.

SO as far as Any of Us can decipher is it looks like after YEARS of virtually \unrestricted Use FB finally caved into PUBLIC PRESSURE to seriously beef up Their so called Security.

Also getting caught red fucking handed LYING, DECEIVING, and EXPLOITING FB User’s and selling Their Personal Information played a HUMUNGOUS part in FB’s PHONY APOLOGIES & BULLSHIT PROMISES to do better (and NOT COMPLETELY FUCK OVER Their Users FOR PERSONAL GAIN OR PROFIT.)

Thus FB is Scrambling Frantically Back Peddling like the Scumfucks They are to “Fix” the problems mentioned above. And in doing so have built a chaotic BiPolar Frankenstein Security “System” of some sort. Point is due to time requirements FB is SO HALF ASSING IT.

Regardless of all the issues, problems, and bullshit We at FYB have experienced with The FB Fucks We have NOT GIVEN UP. NOT BY A LOOOOONG SHOT.

We have phoned in a Designated Hitter if You will in Our Dear Friend, and Long Time FYB Family member Mr. JJ Jackson.

We Will Be Back, Just Try and Stop Us Fuckerburg. All You can do is Delay the INEVITABLE:E VICTORY OF FYB ON/OVER FACE BOOK.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Quiz’s Quintessential Answer Key

Do to the insanely rigorous, highly detailed, and labor intensive nature of said Quiz only the TOP 20 Answers are Listed.

For the Rest of the Answer Key Results just shoot Us a Email at fyourblog404@gmail.com that simply says “DECODER RING”.

The Grading System is Strait Forward: Each Alphabetical Letter has been assigned a Numerical Value. Once You answered ALL 25 Questions You simply add up Your answers. Then check the Total against The Answer Key Located Below.

A. = 1, B.=2, C=3, D=4, E=5 and So On and So Forth.

The Top 25 Answers:

If You answers are ALL ODD: Your a fucking Wild Card. You deal in the Unconventional, and Unorthodox which leads some People to call You an Innovative Genius or Batshit Crazy. Your intensity drives Your Creativity, but if left unchecked it spiral out of Control words Self Destruction. Your walking an EXTREMEly thin line between Your own Personal Utopia or Your own Personal Hell on Earth. Remember Swords only have Two Sides.

If Your Answers were ALL EVEN: Your a walking talking Text Book Personality. Your Bland and Mundane the equivalent of a Blank piece of Copier Paper .You never allowed Yourself to Be Yourself, and thus suffocated your Personality under Your own self implemented Restrictions. Break The Cookie Cutter that Molded You and Find Yourself before its TOO LATE. DOn’t let Your fucking disappointment drive You into the Grave of Regret.

If You Scored 1-24: Your indecisive I bet You take fucking forever to make a discussion. STOP ANALYZING EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE! Rock The Fucking Boat and Live DON’T JUST EXIST.

If Your Scored a 25: Break out the Tin Foil and Start making Hats, and Hanging Coat Hangers from Your Ceiling because Your about to be ABDUCTED BY MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS.

If You Scored 26-29: You will Travel to The Land of the Rising Sun more commonly known as Japan. You will go to Climb to the Summit of Mount Fuji. Unfortunately for You You hike through the Northwestern Flank of Mt. Fuji through Aokigahara Forrest or as its more commonly known The Suicide Forrest. Aokigahara is Notoriously known as the WORLD’S SECOND MOST POPULAR SUICIDE LOCATION. You like so many others will simply Vanish never to be seen again. NO SWIMMING IN THE SEA OF TREES KIDS.

If You Scored a 30: Your a Trendy Hipster. Commercialism Defines You, YOU ARE YOUR POSSESSIONS. Your a fucking Sheep moseying to the Slaughter as it were. You should seriously think about doing the ENTIRE WORLD a fucking Favor and Hurry up and Die. Sorry You just SUCK that BAD.

If You Scored a 31-39: Your Genetically Prone to Bear Attack so watch Your ass in the Woods. Smokey is NO Friend of Yours I assure You of that. He too is a Bear and will maul You possibly to Death just like Yogi or Boo Boo.

If You Scored a 35: You Have Genital Herpies, but hey thats better than fucking AIDS. Best You Stock up on Valtex now before its TOO LATE.

If You Scored a 36-39: You Will Be Killed By Spontaneous Combustion. Wish We had some advice unfortunately there is NO RESEARCH or Reliable Available Data on the Phenomenon.

If You Scored a 40: You will be part of the Colonization of Mars so Set Phasers to Stun, and Have a Safe Trip. Happy Travels and God Speed You Black Emperor.

If You Scored 41-44: We hate to be the ones to break this to You. Your Guardian Angel is a Demon in Disguise. We Recommend You See The Catholic’s about a Exorcism or Seek out a Reki Master to rid You of this certain Divinity Based issue. Tell Linda Blair Hi For Us.

If You Scored 45: Congratulations Your Related to Caligula one of the Sickest and Twisted Roman Emperors in all of Human History. Sorry not everyone can be related to Tom fucking Cruise or some other Famous Asshole.

If You Scored 46-49: You are Destined to be killed prematurely by a Tragic and Freak Colonic Accident. Talk about the Shit Hitting the Fan.

If You Scored a 50: WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER & GIVE YOURSELF A CIGAR. Make it a Fidel Castro Turn in His Grave.

If You Scored a 51-54: You will make Your Fortune by Buying Pork Belly Stocks and Selling Gold (Stocks). Just ask Mortimer I’ll bet You a Dollar He’s Trade Places with You in a fucking Heart Beat baby.

If You Scored a 55: Live Like An Angel, Die Like a Demon because You will certainly be Killed By Death. We’re NOT just spitting Venom are We Lemmy.

If You Scored a 56-59: You will be the First Person in History to Invent an ACTUAL WIDGET. You can use Economics to bring it to Reality.

If You Scored a 60: Your Not Real. You Believed Yourself into Existence. You Imagined Your Fiction into Fact. Keep the Faith or Literally Fade Away.

If You Scored 61-64: Your Your Own Doppelgänger a Non Biological related look a like Double (often considered Evil or Supernatural by Nature) of a Living Person. Technically You shouldn’t even still Exist. The belief goes if One meets Their Doppelgänger They BOTH WILL CEASE TO EXIST. You see They cancel Each other Out of Existence like adding a Positive and a Negative Number. Well at Least Germany is Nice this Time of Year.

If You Scored a 65: Break Out the Spandex because You will be joining an 80’s Hair Metal Cover Band destined to become Local Legends. Just be sure to Remember along the way That Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

If You Scored 66-69: Get ready You’ll be Heading to Ozzy Osbourne’s Final Final Tour when it comes to your particular Town/City. You will have seats in the First Row Front and Center, BUT OZZY will be Tripping His Balls Off on a cocktail of Hallucinogens. Under the Influence Ozzy will Hallucinate that Your a Giant Fruit Bat, and will Bite Your fucking Head Off. At Least You won’t need to get Rabies Shots.

If You Scored a 70: You will have an illustrious Career as a Glu Sniffing Rhine Stony Professional Line Dancing Disco Cowboy. So Break Out the BeDazzler and Go fucking Nuts!

If You Scored a 71-74: You will become The World’s First BITCOIN MULTI BILLIONAIRE, The King of Crypto Currency. Unfortunately its NOT a RECOGNIZED CURRENCY by the Rest of the World so Spending it will be impossible. At least You can treat Yourself to one hell of a Dark Web Shopping Spree.

If You Scored a 75: You will be the One to Find Jimmy Hoffa who then union discovery will make You Disappear. At least its better than finding The Infamous Bum Farto (and YES Bum Farto is/was a Actual Real Life Person, He’s good for a Google.)

If You Scored a 76-79: You will Win a Noble Prize for Your Research and Development of Robotics. Then You will venture into Fringe Robotic Sciences and start Experimenting on Yourself. Eventually You will become a Certified Cyborg, BUT You’ll have become Addicted to Robotic Body Modification. You will keep going until You in the end are 100% Robot. Look on the bright side Perhaps SkyNet is Hiring.

If You Scored an 80: You will Abandon Your current life, Home, Friends, Family, and Possessions for a Life as a Carnie bouncing From County Fair to County Fair, and Traveling Circus to Traveling Circus. You’ll become a Functional Alcoholic with a growing Meth and Pain Killer Addiction. You will Die leaving a 90 Pound, Toothless, Jaundice Ridden, Sickly Yellow Colored Corpse. You should have Listened to Nancy fucking Regan and just said NO.

If You Scored a 81-84: You will get Married and have a large Family. You will still live close to Your Parents and Siblings. You will have a successful enough career in Your Profession of Choice, and as so You will want to Care for Them incase You Die suddenly. So You get a Hefty Life Insurance Policy. 6 Months Later on One of Your Family Members (possibly working with One or More additional Family Accomplices) will Murder You for the Life Insurance Money. Remember kiddies One of the FASTEST way to get Yourself Killed is Buying Life Insurance.

If You Scored a 85: You will become hopelessly Addicted to Hardcore Fetish Pornography and as a Result You will for Go Sleep and Food until You’ve Literally Masturbate Yourself to Death. Remember Kiddies TOO MUCH of a GOOD thing can fucking kill Your ass.

If You Scored a 86-89: You will meet Your Idol, Murder Them, and Take Their Place. DYI Bodysnatchers.

If You Scored a 90: You will be the First and Only Person to Navigate down to the VERY BOTTOM of The Maritime Trench more than 36,201 feet Below Sea Level. You will see Wonders that No other Human has ever laid eyes on. You’ll see Aquatic Sea Creatures No One even knew Existed. You will see the Secrets Beneath The Sea no one has been able to See, but not due to a lack of trying mind You. Sad to say You will never be able to tell a single Soul what You saw as You will Be Devoured by a Undiscovered Species of Giant Predatory and Deadly Jellyfish.

If You Scored a 91: Your Fate is Sealed. You one Day take a Tour of the Distillery where Your Favorite Alcoholic Beverage is Made. During the Tour some impatient Asshole will shove His/Her way forward from the Back of the Group to the Front. Inevitably this Unknown Asshole will invariantly push You into a MASSIVE Fermentation Tank where You will Drink Yourself to a Euphoric Death while waiting to be fished out. So much for Drinking Responsibly.

If You Scored a 92: Well We’re not sure what the fuck to say really. 92 is obviously a PERFECT Score, Yet NOBODY IS IN FACT PERFECT. As far as We can tell You must be an Inter Dimensional Entity or Being from a Parallel Universe. Thats It. Thats all We got.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Behavioral Relapse Wreaks Havoc At Medical Office

Just the other day I had the displeasure of seeing My Secondary Doctor for a routine check in (not up as They already know what the fuck is going on with Me) to make sure Their Machines are running smoothly.

Now YES I do hate the hell out of Doctors thats a WELL Documented Fact, BUT being aware that Doctor’s/Doctor Offices’s are a trigger that will set me off like a fucking bomb means I have to do something about it.

Just being aware of the problem isn’t enough.

I fucking hate People who act like assholes, and then use some Medical/Psychological issue They have simple as an excuse. Having a Medical or Mental condition ISN’T A FREE PASS TO BE A JACKASS.

If You know what the fuck is wrong with You then its on YOU to FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM or at least TRY to the BEST of Your Ability. Sitting around saying ” Oh its because I have…..” IS A UTTER BULLSHIT.

Anyway back to the Story. We…Oh hold on ok. I say We because I bring My Wife with Me whenever I can as a sort of Good Behavior Insurance Policy though like this time it DOESN’T always work.

So We got to the Office and it chock full of Living Corpses as per usual, YET We didn’t have to wait an exorbitantly long time before getting summoned into the back.

Once there The Tech came in and did Her 5-6 minute system check, everything came back fine and that was that. Of course I couldn’t get the fuck out of a Doctor’s office without someone taking My fucking Vitals. It’s no big deal because its quick and Painless.

THEN the Nurse taking My vitals said that My Doctor’s Nurse Practitioner would be in Shortly. As I sat there a FEW things started to occur to Me. The first was oddly about My Primary (and only other) Doctor, and how He had been a moody fucker the last time I saw Him.

Apparently He was still bent out of shape about what I had said pertaining to Doctors, The Shitty Healthcare System, and How it Financially Rapes Patients while Doctor’s seem utterly fucking oblivious.

Then it dawned on Me why was I still waiting? The Appointment thus far had gone quickly and everything checked out fine so what the fuck?!

See My Primary Doctor has jurisdiction over every aspect of My Health like a Team Coach. The Secondary Doctor was called in as a Pitch Hitter meaning He was there to preform one Job, and when it was done that was essentially it outside of a Post Op and 3 month check ups.

I was curious then at first at what the hell the Nurse Practitioner could do for Me/Do Period. They had My Vitals. The Machinery was Checked and Signed Off On, and since thats all They ACTUALLY CAN DO FOR ME what then was I waiting for.

Patience is a Virtue I was Born WITHOUT.

Around 10 minutes went by and I getting less curious and FAR more irritated. At 15 Minutes I’ve losing self control at an increasing rate. At the 15 minute marker the Nurse Practitioner came bouncing into the Exam Room.

She was one of those fucking Happy, Peppy, Rainbows and Bunnies Cheerleaders of Life Types which is the LAST thing I want to deal with when I already about to go Ape Shit.

Of course the first words out of this Woman mouth is asking How am I doing? I said sarcastically that I’m at a goddamn Doctor’s Office so anyway you look at it its shitty. She then tied to asses the situation as to what I the Patient was getting so wound up by/about.

I tried to reel Myself back in, but I could feel My Rational Thought giving way to Intense Emotion, but I started getting all tripped up (and a tad bit tongue tied) which only served to make shit worse.

Then I simple thought to Myself why am I struggling to stay Sane? Fuck It. Let Go. BE BRUTALLY HONEST no matter what DO NOT HOLD BACK.

And then the Shit Storm hit the Fucked Up Fan.

I hate when People say after these situations “Oh Thats Not Who I AM Anymore, Thats Not Me, I USED to be like that etc” BULLSHIT. Even if You’ve done Your due Diligence and corrected the particular issue You may be having YOUR STILL YOU.

YOUR STILL THE SAME PERSON, YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Anyway I don’t exactly know what happened over the course of the next few minutes as I was busy relishing the chaos I was creating by deliberately CHOOSING to be a Absolute Asshole.

I remember something about yelling at My Wife “See this is what the fuck I’m talking about, this bullshit right fucking here, WHAT THE FUCK is this Shit?!”. Then there was a Barrage of F-Bombs. I was dropping them like I was Invading the fucking Exam Room.

Then things quieted down as I stopped to catch My breath, My Wife Held Her Own, and The Nurse Practitioner was trying to figure what the fuck She had unknowingly just walked into.

The Nurse Practitioner was the first one to break the extremely brief silence by say that if I calmed down and did as asked I wouldn’t have too see the twats for a year or if I didn’t I’d have to see them every 6 Months.”

THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY RIGHT THEN.

I like everyone else I know DO NOT appreciate being TALKED DOWN TO in a CONDESCENDING MANNER AS IF I’M A FUCKING CHILD or A FUCKING IMBECILE. Doctor’s have developed this as way of dealing with Angry,Nervous, Anxious, Problematic, Combative, Fearful, Depressed by Talking Down to Them like Children.

Let me just take a second to say its even worse for Senior Citizens because EVERYONE talks to the Elderly like the Child Minded Morons. It as if People have come to believe at some age you automatically become a Senile Invalid. There is actually a fucking term for this its called “Elder Speak”, and is an acknowledged and rampant problem within the Healthcare System.

In all do fucking favor The Medical Community is actively eradicating the issue of insulting Elder Speak as its fucking Insulting, Rude, Ignorant, Humiliating, Degrading, Demoralizing, and Dehumanizing.

DON’T TALK TO YOUR ELDERS AS IF THEY ARE CHILD LIKE IDIOTS. REMEMBER THE REALITY OF THE IGNORANCE OF YOUTH. You aren’t Invincible and YOU WILL DIE. Grow the fuck Up.

Anyways again back to the Story. I as you may have imagined I immediately told Her “DON’T fucking talk down to Me like I’m fucking some sort of fucking Idiot who fucking can’t fucking understand a fucking thing, I’M NOT A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD NOR A FUCKING IDIOT so stop talking to Me like I Am for fuck’s sake.

The Nurse Practitioner retreated then pausing at the door to tell Me to wait a little longer until some other assfuck comes in for some unnecessary shit. I looked at Her and asked if She was Stupid, Insane or Insanely Stupid?! At this point the question isn’t asked in Anger, but more Confusion.

I couldn’t for the fucking life of Me figure out WHY would She even think of asking Me to wait again wasting MORE of My fucking Time when I was already Pissed Off and not afraid to Show It Either.

Smartly before I could spit some more Venom Her way She just closed the fucking door. A moment later the Nurse Practitioner reopened the Door and told Me not to worry about whatever it was She had babbled at Me about.

I stood up instantly while slamming the chair I had been sitting against the wall loudly. I then strode out of the Exam Room in about 2 strides out into the Hall. Due to being Angry Asshole I couldn’t figure out if Left or Right was the way out so I figured fuck it I have a 50/50 chance of being right.

I then realized I went the wrong way but had gotten turned around in the Labyrinth of a Office, and I had no real idea how to reach the exit. A Nurse came around the corner and almost banged into Me eliciting a “FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!”

Luckily for All I heard the Nurse Practitioner loudly informing Me where the door out into the waiting room actually was. I stormed out into the exam room giving My Patented “Say Something I’d Love To Violently Murder The God Living Shit Out Of You” Glare.

I of course have never seen this look and have tried to replicate it staring in mirror glaring at Myself like some sort of asshole. In the end though everyone says its never comes close to the Real Thing.

I truly hope someone at some point has the wherewithal to snap a picture with Their fucking Cell Phone because for Me its like hunting for Bigfoot while simultaneously BEING BIGFOOT.

Now by the time I hit the Exit door to Freedom I heard an Staff Member (Don’t know who/which as My back was to Them) ask bewilderedly where it was I was going. The Response They received as I answered over My shoulder not looking back was “As Far The Fuck Away From You Fucks As Possible.”

Fortunately for Me over the Last Year of Medical Madness managed to NOT act like an asshole for basically 11 Months out of 12 (The issue presented itself in Early January with almost Dying, and was Fully Under Control by Mid December after Second Surgical Procedure.)

BOTTOMLINE: If you have a Health issue be it Mental OR Physical AT LEAST TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR SHIT ALL THE TIME AND ACT THE ASSHOLE.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Gaming Conundrum

Why doesn’t spacedog post as much as he should? The title of this blog basically explains it all.

While I cannot tell you why I am even play certain games that suck it always ends the same. With massive upheavals or drama.

I have a few moments I’m a bit more proud of then others.

My ultimate favorite is i got into one of the top 2 or 3 guilds in a castle invander style mobile game. Things went well at first until I simply asked about the discord. It was during some event and whoever was running the guild was too stupid/lazy to make one. SO I got the boot cuz i disrupt some event. No warning nada.

Then my revenge. It all started with some simple trooling nothing to brag about honestly. People do really hate when you shit on their kids though. Dude sent me a death threat. He got banned.

Then another person was really annoying me. Hardcore. They had a facebook linked account. I will not divulge my methods of madness but this occured in the end. I found a programming flaw in under an hour and got into their game account. Sold everything they owned. Flamed the chat room some after changing their name 10 times with their premium currency.

Honestly i haven’t had that much fun in a chat room since the AOL heyday. People gave out passwords like the oceans gave out salt. Nothing nefarious was done on my part. I had friends get credit card numbers through instant messages.

The best chat room was caller GNN. It probably only lasted for less than a year but it was basically 99 people chat rooms but you had the option to change your handle every 5 minutes.

Oh did we. We’d be ourselves, the elderly and 12 year olds mostly (we were 15 not a huge stretch). The best is when we got some dude to show up at a 7-11 to meet a nonexistent girl. This may have been the longest period of sustained laughter in my life when he showed.

Otherwise the game and chat shenanigans are relatively boring. Calling someone names, getting too drunk, hitting on someone in an unamusing (to them) way.

Right now I think I am having a fight about math. Seriously. Just when i didnt think it could get any nerdier. It really doesn’t matter though the game sucks. I will win either way. If i get kicked i quit and if i legit win my arguement i may actually lose. Conundrum.

It’s like coffee though. You have a bad cup or 2 to get your fix. ALL addiction is the same. I probably did something else ridiculous that i can’t really recall. I can’t think straight.

Time for my sludgy morning joe.

By SpaceDog

The Snapple Situation Depletes Sanity

I decided to write this rather impromptu Post BECAUSE it’s No Joke an Extremely Effective Example of the Bizarre shit that tends to happen to Me, and has My entire fucking Life.

I may have touched on the fact last year was a Surreal Trip Down The Medical Rabbit Hole as once more Life TRIED to Murder Me. And again I found Myself in the Best Case Scenario for being in a Seriously Shitty Situation.

Anyway all that shit is disappearing fast in the Rearview Mirror, and I’m doing just fine so fuck it Alls Well that Ends Well.

I used to Only drink Water be it Bottled or Tap I don’t care the Bottled Water Craze is a fucking Scam. Then when as They’ve been known to do (and have many times before over the Decades The Medical Community changed They Recommendation/Supposed Health Facts.

The Medical Community had rallied the American Public into a fucking frenzy over HYDRATION. It became the Prime Topic of conversations, dominated advertising, and had countless Medical Professionals agree Hydration was a Serious issue facing Americans.

HYDRATE became a Social Mantra REMEMBER TO HYDRATE, ALWAYS BE SURE TO HYDRATE, DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE, STAY HYDRATED, HYDRATION IS IMPERATIVE, and EVERYONE IS DEHYDRATED IS A FUCKING EPIDEMIC NO ONE IS HYDRATED PROPERLY.

Well just a short time ago The Medical Community realized that People were now in fact OVER HYDRATING which just like Dehydration can be detrimental to a Person’s Health, and could even result in Death.

Once again Mankind learns that its not always wise to try and Out Think Biology. The point being its one of the many times Doctors/Scientists reaffirmed the HUMAN BODY CAN HANDLE ITSELF.

BOTTOMLINE: If Your Body needs Hydration it Triggers Thirst Sensation, and We then Drink WHAT WE NEED exactly the way it was Engineered.

Now one of the Things I can drink that doesn’t piss My Doctor off like Beer is Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

In the Beginning it was the time of year many Friends/Family of Mine are Zipping up and down the Coast, and all I did was ask Them to pick up any Snapple Lemon Iced Tea while up North or in Route.

This worked BRILLIANTLY as believe it or not is easy to find Snapple Lemon Iced Tea out here where I live. Don’t get Me wrong They do Carry and have tons of OTHER Snapple Flavors IN STOCK, yet I think the Ones They do have taste like Liquid Ass.

Thats why the Whole Snapple Train as I called it was so great because it was essentially Importing what I needed in a geographic area almost utterly devoid of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

Well in the end after 4 months I had managed to gather the SPARSE amount of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea in My region combined with all the Imported shit had created the desired Giant Stock Pile.

THEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO PROGRESSIVELY DETERIORATE QUICKLY………

As I sustained Myself as it were on said Stock Pile it became increasingly difficult to Replenish. Each Time I drove an fucking Hour or so to a more populated Area there was LESS AND LESS Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. This is what started the Snapple Situation to Start Spiraling Out of Control.

It got to the point that it wasn’t uncommon for whichever of The Particular Stores I went to to be COMPLETELY OUT OF STOCK.

This started scenario spiraled out of control.

It finally got so fucking bizarre with the Stores as far as Stock I started contacting the Manager’s of such places as Grocery Stores, and asked if I could place a Special Delivery. Surprising to Me (I’m a Natural Born Pessimist) SEVERAL Managers said Sure and took My Order.

Again it started off Promising as Hell, but fell fucking FLAT. A week or two would pass without word so I would end up calling the Store to find out what the fuck was going on.

EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME I got apologies along with a bunch of Boonie bullshit. I was be told the Person who places to orders was informed, The Trucks got fucked up in Transit, or Their Supplier was OUT OF STOCK.

So The Store were now useless along with trying to place specific Orders THROUGH the RETAILER.

I then did the last thing possible and I went Online. I found a place and Ordered a 12 pack of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea, BUT the Cost of Shipping was totally outrageous.

I continued My Online hunt until I found a place thats prices were reasonable and offered FREE SHIPPING! And again things looked like they had at last be remedied, BUT NO.

Two Weeks past so TODAY I called the Company directly to inquire as to why the fuck I hadn’t received My Order Yet. The Dimwit on the other end of the fucking phone put Me on hold for fucking ever to check on My Order.

When the Dimwit returns They inform Me…are you ready….THAT Snapple LEMON ICED TEA IS OUT OF STOCK, and They would be refunding My money.

And while I was glad to get My cash back I told the Dimwit how I thought it was fucking stupid that NO ONE CONTACTED ME about the issue at hand, and wasted My fucking time.

I have since contacted Snapple Via E-mail and strait up asked:

“Are You Discontinuing Lemon Iced T because I can’t fucking find it to save My fucking Life, AND THAT INCLUDES ONLINE?!”

Snapple was kind enough to respond with a generic template computer generated form letter saying How They’re sorry I’m having trouble, They Value Me as a Customer, and NO They are NOT Discontinuing Snapple’s Lemon Iced Tea and have NO plans to do so Now or in the Future.

So as of NOW I’m left Ass Out in the Cold with My Dick in My hand as it were feeling like I’ve lost My fucking Mind.

Thanks for Reading,