Month: April 2019

Savior

I hate picking categories for my blogs. Sometimes I sit here for like ten minutes and mull. I like sitting and mulling over things. Then I usually just drift away, drift away, drift away………

I’ve been wanting to write this for a few days. I think it might be important. There are just so many angles and I’m seeing things in my head like a great big kaleidoscope lately and Resces Peanut Butter Cups saved me. Ramble done. Substance begin.

        

Saving

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said,
‘Go to him, stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed’

-Joni Mitchell

When first heard these lyrics, it resonated with something deep down within me. I had a dream. Well a daydream of sorts. I was 14 years old. It was on my parents bed. I saw that man. I saw the man I was supposed to save. The features in his face were blurred. Then I knew. Then I knew.

      

The search was short. I thought I found that which had been conjured to me. This was only a faux pearl. This was something like heartache but I had no heart. No one was saved. I was left a wreckage. Nothing was broken. Nothing has no name.

I went off further into the abyss we call humanity. I saw glimpses of greatness. I saw far more horrors. I’ve seen many things that do not bear repeating. For their lack of importance, for their lack of any kind of depth. Only rings around a tree. Only rings around a giant redwood smothered around her kindren deep within the darkest forrest.

     

Then one day someone introduced a novel concept to me. That of saving myself. So I did. I had just seen Trainspotting again recently. So I left the life I knew, the people I knew stuck at a random motel. I thought I had stolen their drugs but in actuality I stole their Marlboro miles. I did not fret. I did not care. I never looked back. That life was gone.

Then I found something. I found myself. He was hiding where the willows never weep. On a tall cumulus cloud nestled in between the puffs.

When I was sitting home one night it occured. I had no idea what was happening. There was no immediate warmth or glow or feeling of glee or joy. I met the person I was supposed to save. There’s really no way of knowing you are going to save something until the process is already underway. It sweeps you up one night and then you wake up the next day with a hangover. You wonder what just occured. I thought this was love. This was nothing of the sort.

       

So I saved him.

Literally.

His life.

Not we had a little pep talk and he went out and threw three touchdown passes and the whole town of rednecks went into a frenzy.

Not I sprinkled my fairy dust all through the village and everyone thought he was a prince.

Not he was sad. We got drunk. We fucked. He felt acceptance but walked with a limp.

       

No. Physically preventing him from leaving this world. Tackling him with the noose in his hand.

It happened again. This time I offered him death. I offered him a chance to overdose on my bed. He chose not. Saved again.

Aftermath 

I do not regret the choices I have made.

I stand by each and every one of them as my own.

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I saved the person I was supposed to save. It’s not really what I would call a regret. Just more mulling inside my own head.

There are times that make my decision feel right. There are times that make it cold and barren and desolate. An Antarctic tundra trapped by numbness between the webbing of my feet.

      

I do not search for what is to be saved.

I do not seek that which lies within.

I venture forth the crumbling highway.

I call for nothing yet something always begins.

  By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (25/365)

There was then a short “Intermission” that is if You call sitting in complete and utter darkness for 5 minutes while the Stage was being Reset. Lee was thinking to Himself in the meantime that while as Brutally Savage the Young Guy craping in a Bucket had some serious balls. That and the piece was far too long so He should consider using a Laxative next time to speed things along.

        

The Spot Light blaring back on like a Fucking Lighthouse. On Stage was a Man standing rigidly behind a Theremin (Thereminophone), and wearing a full head to toe Black Body Stocking.  The Body Stocking was decorated with Random Cliche Space shit in Dayglo Paint. A Pre Recorded Narration started to play from not a not so legit Sound System, but from a shitty 1980’s Boom Box at the back of the Room. Lee had to satisfy His curiosity and peered over His shoulder. Lee was delighted to discover to see He was exactly right about the BoomBox.

Then Bored sounding Narrator that was some Monotone Kid mumbling almost incoherently at points about Inner Dimensional Time Travel like one of those Fanatical Sci Fi assholes that argues in Klingon. Lee felt the Intro was Purely Self Indulgent because it was just Token Space Topics like Light Speed, Blackholes, Time Travel, Alternate Dimensions, Extraterrestrials, Worm Holes, and Life on Mars being rattled off by some thoroughly Uninterested Kid (who more than likely was the Performer’s actual Kid).

       

The Intro Recording ended and the Performer launched into a what can only be explained as Speed Metal on a Theremin. It totally blew Lee’s Balls Off. He just couldn’t get past how fucking Awesome the Performance actually was. He had thought it would just some Overindulgent Emo Loving Sci Fi Freaky  Nerd dredging on and on through what He would classify as “Musical Soundscapes” or something similar as fuck that it might be called.

After a Blistering Round of Theremin Speed Metal (as Lee was calling it) the Performer threw the Theremin over sending it crashing down to the Stage. It landed with deep and solid thud. Lee assumed this was the Theremin equivalent of a Metal Guitarist smashing Their Guitar at the end of a Song/Set. Lee found the Overturning of the Theremin to be the Icing on the Cake as far as He was concerned.

      

The next Act featured to Men wearing only Red 70’s Bicycle Shorts and matching Ted Nugent Halloween Masks. The Two Men stood facing one another from the Opposite Ends of a Large Inflatable Kiddie Pool. The Kiddie Pool was almost completely filled with an Unidentified Meat or Meat Product. It looked to be some shit ton of an unappetizing Canned Meat Product to Lee making Him a bit Queasy.

Then a Song from a particular Monty Python Skit featuring Spam started playing from the Boombox in the back “Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam….” as the Two apparent Advisories swayed Side to Side switching Their weight from Foot to Foot eyeing each other up. The Song then arrived at an Audio Clip of Dialog (also from the the Skit) which had be Edited in Exclaimed “But I DON’T LIKE SPAM!” the Two Performers Lunged at One Another as They entered the Kiddie Pool to engage in Battle.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Deviant Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (26/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (24/365)

Lee entered the Small Lobby and looked around as His eyes adjusted to the Dim Light. Everything was painted Black The Walls, Door, Ceiling, and Concession Stand which made it all that more difficult to see anything at first. The Concession Stand was defunct with an Outdated Popcorn Maker, A Soda Dispenser that was coated in cobwebs, and an entirely empty Display Case.  Lee couldn’t figure out why the Theater Owners weren’t selling Candy and Soda since that shit boosted the Bottom Line when it came to profits.

Lee walked up a flight of stairs into the Tiny Theater which had max seating of 50 people at most. The Chairs were simply the run of the Mill folding Metal Chairs in rows sending a homemade Riser. Again every fucking thing was painted Jet Black. There was a handful of onlookers in the Audience that topped out at 11 people including Lee sitting motionless as if They were Tibetan Monks Meditating. Lee found the unyielding Silence to be rather unnerving since it reminded Him of a fucking Funeral Home.

       

Then at last the lights dimmed down, a Gentlemen who looked like a Long Haul Trucker fresh off the road appeared from god knows where and stood unenthusiastically next to the sole Spot Light (there wasn’t another sort of Stage Lighting to be found). After a brief pause The Curtin crept open and the Spot Light jumped into action.

The First Act was called “Pregnant with Myself: The Inner Child Defined”. The Act consisted of a Young Female Contortionist preforming a 3 stage Interpretive Dance.  The First Stage was Her inpregnationg Herself by having Sex (Not Masturbation) with Herself followed by Her being Pregnant with Herself. The last Stage, Stage 3 was Her giving Birth to Her fully Grown Self with an exorbitant amount of Fake Blood.

       

The Contortionist was followed by a Young Man that appeared to be in His late Twenties in Jeans and plain blue t-shirt who walked very deliberately onto the stage, set down an empty 25 Gallon Plastic Bucket, then dropped His pants, Sat Down on said Bucket, and then spent the next 57 minutes taking a shit in it while playing Candy Crush on His Cell Phone. It was then that Lee realized WHY the Theater didn’t sell anything Edible.

The 3rd Act was a Pair of Fuzzies who came out one dressed as a Bright Pink Unicorn and the Other was Dressed as a Tyrannosaurus Rex . They then proceeded to play a few Children’s Games like Leap Frog and a 2 person game of Duck, Duck, Goose before Standing side by Side. Once the Fuzzies were standing next to one another shoulder to shoulder They undid the Velcro that covered Their crotches exposing the Unicorns erect cock and the T-Rex’s freshly shaven Vagina. The Two the engaged in Mutual Masturbation until Both Climaxed and fell over. Lee pitied the Janitor who had to clean that shit up before the Next At took the Stage.

\        

Stay Tuned for the Next Fun Filled Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (25/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Well We Could See This Coming From a Mile Away.

Yes I have once again managed to let Life sideswipe Me, and Now I’m playing catch up like a motherfucker. Easter was a bit shall We say Extreme. It started when Our Departure Time was delayed 3 hours by having to deal with some last minute Big Dog bullshit.

When We finally Hit the Road the Weather was Gloomy, Overcast, and bit Rainy like Seattle 99% of the time. Anyway We found out Via the Radio that there was a Massive Storm Front coming Our way that consisted of 5 different Sever Thunderstorms that was kicking the shit out of everything in its path. Now My Wife and I having spent far too long in The Great Southern Swamp just shrugged the Warnings Off because We’d been through Category 1 Hurricanes all the way to Category 4 (Hurricane Scale is 1-5 with 5 being the real motherfucker.

        

The next thing We know the Skies opened up in a Biblical Downpour and the Wind picked up so Furiously that it was a struggle keeping the Car in its Lane as it felt like the Car was being battered by an endless line go Wrecking Balls. Then the Radio started to blow up every 12-15 minutes with VERY DIRE Tornado Watches that were now plaguing the surrounding areas. The Tornado Warnings were so Death and Doom oriented I recored on one My Phone. Here is that Tornado Warning:

        

“Beep-Beep-Beep The National Weather Service has issued a tornado Warning  for Cumberland, Kilingsworth, and Duncan unit 2:15 pm eastern Daylight Time. At 1:37 pm Severe Thunderstorms capable of producing BOTH Tornados and  extensive HIGH WIND Damage Located near Mourville moving Northeast at 45 miles per hour. HAZARD TORNADO Source: Radar indicated Rotation. Impact: Flying Debris will be Dangerous those caught without Shelter, Mobile Homes WILL BE DAMAGED OR DESTROYED. Damage to Roofs, Windows, and Vehicles WILL OCCURE. Tree Damage IS LIKELY. This Waring Includes I-90 between Mile Markers 48 and 68. Precautionary/Preparedness Actions: TAKE COVER NOW. Move to an Interior Room located on the LOWEST FLOOR of a STABLE BUILDING. AVOID WINDOWS. If You are Outdoors, in a Mobile Home or in a Vehicle move to the CLOSEST SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER and PRTECT YOURSELF FROM FLYING DEBRIS. This cluster of Thunderstorms is capable of PRODUCING TORNADOS and WIDE SPRED WIND DAMAGE. DO NOT WAIT TO SEE OR HEAR THE TORNADO for Your PROTECTION Move to an INTERIOR ROOM on the LOWEST FLOOR of a Building. Beep-Beep-Beep”

        

The rain was coming down in Torrential Sheets being wildly whipped around by the increasingly strong Winds. You couldn’t see more than 5 feet in front of You at best. You had to strain the fuck out of Your eyes in an attempt to keep track of the Tail Lights of the Car in front of You to (keep from driving off the fucking road all together). There was a moment when My Hurricane Bravado wained and I thought to Myself that Holy Shit We might have to be ready to actually Bail off the Highway in search of Shelter of some sort. Luckily We made it through unscathed.

       

I got to My meeting at 9:45 pm and started Drinking at 9:47. I overdid it a bit and ended up doing Shots of Fireball while pounding Budweisers until I back to Our Base Camp at 4:30ish in the Morning. Needless to say I’m getting Older than I was Earlier in My Life and woke up the Next Day feeling like I had been run the fuck over by a Steamroller. I spent the Day nursing one hell of a Hangover. By 6:30 I was back on track. We had an early Easter Dinner and was back at the Bar at a little before 10pm, but this was a Personal trip for Fun (Not Business like the Night Before). I arrived back at Basecamp at quarter of 3 in the Morning.

       

On Easter We hit the Road for Home and this time the Trip was smooth as could be without a single delay or mishap. WITH THAT SAID I am Fully Aware I am behind in Posting the “Daily” installments of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher as well all the other Planed Posts because of this Turbulent Trip. I Apologize in al Honesty and with the greatest Sincerity I will do My Best to get Caught Up Quick as I can. Thank You.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (23/365)

Lee noticed as He was driving to the Theater that it was located in what He like to call the Artistic Industrial Zone. This Area on the Outskirts of the City was know by Locals as The Industrial Art Zone. The Area had been dubbed the Industrial Art Zone because used to be a Bustling Industrial Hub decades ago before facing the harsh Economic Hardships during the Great Depression. Since the Big Manufacturing Businesses had Closed Shop, and Left Town due to Bankruptcy the Area had remained virtually untouched like one Giant Ghost Town comprised of Crumbling Factories, Dilapidated Warehouses, and Abandoned Store Fronts that lined the Pothole plagued Road.

        

Over the last few Years the Vacant and Decaying Neighborhood had become a sort of unofficial Mecca for the City’s Struggling Artists as well as Small Time Art Galleries, Movie Houses, and Theaters that operated on a Shoestring Budget had set up shop due to the incredibly reasonable rents (which is a nice way of saying Cheap as Hell). The cheap rates and Large Lofts provided the Artist not just a Roof over Their head, but an amply work Space as Well.

       

Lee had a rather depressing thought cross His mind which was He wondered how much longer it would be before Scourge of Gentrification would arrive and displace the Artistic Residents for fucking Star Bucks, and other Pretentious Businesses that catered to the invading Wealthier Demographic. Fuck Trends and all things fucking Trendy Lee thought to Himself why does society succumb to the desire and will of the Rich?! Money Lee thought to Himself was a real motherfucker.

    

Lee pulled up to the Theater, Parked, Pumped a handful of Quarters into the Meter (Lee was amazed was even there and on Functional on top of that), and walked up briskly to the Ticket Window. What Lee nonchalantly had assumed was just good old glass appeared to in fact be Bullet Proof Safety Glass (the kind One finds at All Night Gas Stations, and in Connivence Type Stores in Seriously Shitty Places).  There was a Tall Thin Man in His Twenties with Pale White Skin that if was any Paler it be fucking Transparent., Sunken Eyes that seemed to be actively retreating into Their Sockets, and with Stringy shoulder length Hair. The Ticket Guy looked as if He was on the verge of Passing the fuck out on His face or Nodding Off due to being Strung Out on Heroin and was currently Under the influence.

In the end Lee couldn’t decide if the Ticket Teller was in fact a Hardcore Goth or a Hardcore Junkie either which way it was too hard to Tell considering both were perfectly Viable Options in this part of Town.

       

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Mind Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (24/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (22/365)

Since Lee’s first Day at the Gas Station until Monday since Bob told Him He had to fire a current knucklehead first. And since it was Saturday Lee went back to His car to jump on His phone right quick Google to see what was going on in the Area. As Lee lazily scrolled down the unimpressive List of Weekend Events in and around town one finally caught His eye it was a Show called “The Performance Art Extravaganza” that was playing at a tiny Theater named “The Performance Art Arena”.

Lee found the similarity between the Show’s name, and the Theater’s name lame as hell since there wasn’t any creative though behind either. Lee popped over to The Theater’s website to get further details on the Show. There wasn’t in fact a whole hell of a Lot of available Pertinent Information since the Website looked like a fucking French Avant Guard Student Film. To add insult to injury there were only vague descriptions of the various Events They were hosting that Month.

        

Lee found the Show and clicked on it for specific details pertaining to that Nights performance of whatever the fuck a Performance Art Extravaganza was. The Description was short and seemed to lack a point. All the summation of the Show said was  “A Night of Emotion and Thought as 7 Different Artist preform Their unquietly Personal Art Pieces for an Evening of Intellectual Stimulation and Profoundest of Thoughts”

Lee couldn’t make heads of fucking Tales of the Show’s description so He scrolled down to see Who the Artist/Act Was to see if that might help clarify some semblance of an explanation. The First Act was Titled “I’m Pregnant with Myself” by Lillian Louise followed by “Outhouse Orchestra” By Otto Arse. At that point Lee stopped reading as He was getting No Where at all.

       

Lee figured why the hell not go to See the Show anyway since He didn’t have any plans, and Time to Kill before starting His New Job on Monday. After an aggravating hour in bumper fucking Traffic due to a Horrendous Auto Accident. A Propane Truck had swerved out of its Lane, and side swiped a Bus full of Nuns. Both Vehicles careened off the Road. The Propane Truck ended up Sandwiching the Bus  between It and the cement Safety Barrier. When the Vehicles collided with the Safety Barrier the Propane Truck Exploded on Impact instantly Obliterating everyone involved in the Accident.

Stay Tuned Kiddie for Tomorrow’s Reality Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (23/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

FIGHTING FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

FIGHTING FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN 

There are times in everyone’s life where they do not try hard enough or persist or do what is right in their heart.

They simply follow the crowd. They ignore the causes that are near and dear to their hearts. They ignore their friends because well that person may not be as liked or as popular as they so wish them to be.

However there is one constant with all of these things. You see people come and people go. When you take away all those people and all the material rubbish you are surrounded with, all you are left with is you. Nothing more, nothing less. And no matter who you are or how flawed you may be or what masks you wear to the world, well you know what it is that you believe.

       

“Reputation is for time; character is for eternity.” -J.B Gough

It just really saddens me to see how we as a people don’t fight constantly enough. For our world’s belief (belief as a whole), for our friend’s beliefs, for our core beliefs. What a sham(e).

Belief on the Whole

When the whole of something deteroriates all we are left we is parts that are somewhat combined and somewhat fragment.

Thankfully most of us voted in this election. The majority spoke when it came to the presidency. However one of the things that makes me most proud is that despite the unfortunate ruling in California people are peacefully protesting Prop 8. They are not bombing abortion clinics or looting stores, they just want to be heard.

       

Keith Olbermann. Whether you agree with him or not this man has a lot of passion and the kind of fight that more of us need. We all need to express and not repress and listen to each other. Well I let him say the rest:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVUecPhQPqY

Frankly for his belief and his expressions well that helps the world on the whole. If not helping the current vote or current situation it maybe helps move people in the future. It’s not about shifting the view of one or two or three, it’s about a shift in the generations to come. If generations didn’t progress forth from their predecessors well then we wouldn’t have had a black president now, would we?

       

Belief of Friends

Obviously none of us believes everything another individual says. Friend or foe, husband or ex-boyfriend, wife or mistress we all have disagreements and similarities. The thing that we must remember is that WE chose to have this people as our friends. We are not forced. This is not an arranged marriage (sorry for those of you that it is).

Once upon a time, one of my really great friends in life had a great mutual respect for me and I for him. Yes, he was overprivledged and yes he was over the top a good deal of the time but I believed in him as a person, as a friend. I stood up for him many a time. I will admit on occasion this wasn’t the “popular” move. I even lost touch with a few acquaintance type friends because of this. Still I believed in his inner goodness.

Not everyone sees this good in other people. Everyone has good in them. People usually only put emphasis on the bad. It’s a sad fault but that is life. I saw the good and it caused me to perish in ways but sadly not everyone in life can accept your choices and not everyone can be your friend.

       

“If it harm none, do as ye will.”

Also in the same aspect if we agree with our friends and they get persecuted for it we need to stand up as well. And vice versa.

If they don’t believe in going home with someone from the bar, I need to tell that other person to back off when they get too agressive and my friend can’t do it himself.

If they didn’t do drugs and I was I wouldn’t glorify it and push it down their throats.

It’s all about respecting one another and standing up for what you ascertain to be true.

Yes, we are not perfect. I am guility of not fighting at times when I should have but am getting much better at this through the years. Yeah my depression gets in the way at times, but if I ever had to be there for my one of my true friends I would. My situation, financially, emotionally or spiritually, would not effect this. I have done some pretty stupid things to try and protect the people I love but I would do them all over again.

     

Belief of Our Core

Perhaps the most important set of beliefs that we have are the ones that lie at our core. When the day is done and the lights are out at night, all you have is you. You are the only person whose own beliefs you can control. You must stand up for them at all costs.

Call them morals, call them creeds, call them principals, call them what you will. They are all uniquely ours. Some people live by more beliefs on a consistent basis and others fly by the seat of their pants. Without these beliefs, there is but a shell of a person, a body without a soul, a face without a name.

As I stated before we are not perfect. I believe in love, but that does not mean I haven’t ever had sex with a stranger. I believe in respecting others, but I’ve definitely been an asshole my fair share of times. I am not going to list all my beliefs one by one since I know what they are and hold them close to me and they affect the way I lead my daily life.

       

People can be very devious creatures. They find out you believe in love; they try and pull you around by a string. They find out you are generous; they blatently take advantage of this. They find out you are honest; they lie their teeth off. Opposites do attract and at times this can be tumultuous.

In a room crowded full of people acting completely fake to one another, would you be fake as well?

“Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. ” -Elbert Hubbard

How very true. You see what we portray to the world is not necessarily who we are. If people strived to make their two sides less in conflict perhaps we would all live in a world Mr.Hubbard would be more proud of today.

        

So truely ask yourself, are you fighting for what you believe in? Even if you are only fighting for the beliefs in your heart it is a start.  Inside each and every one of us within the deepest darkest core and tucked away through all the recessess of pain, misfortunate, and chaos is one thing that always burns. That one thing is love.

  By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (21/365)

“Look I know You’re young Guys and I could care less if You Guys wanna Drink some Beers or Smoke a little Pot, But NOT on My time, NOT on My dime You hear Me?” asked Bob in a  Authoritative Tone that resembled a Stern, but Fair Father Figure more than a Boss.

“I here You loud and clear Sir.” replied Lee being sure to sound as Sincere as He actually was.

“I’m not joking here I don’t need any extra bullshit to deal with. I already got a heaping helping of Everyday Bullshit on My damn Plate. This is a Business and I’m not in the Bullshit Business. This isn’t a damn Manure Factory for Christ’s sake You know what the hell I’m saying?” said Bob who was beginning to sound a bit worked up.

      

Bob walked over to the Office’s Big Plate Glass window and peered out Purveying the Gas Station from one end to the Other as if He was standing Guard. Bob then turned to Lee and sighed before offering Lee the Job which Lee gladly took.

“Now I don’t wanna come off like a hardass here, But I’m dead serious I don’t tolerate a bunch of juvenile bullshit. You gotta see where I’m coming from.” said Bob exasperatedly, “There was this one time a couple of the Boys who were off work swung on by to keepTheir Buddy who working the Overnight Shift from 11pm to 7am company. Well They’re hanging out and decided since it had gotten so damn late that there wasn’t a single damn car out on the Road more or less one needing a fill up.”

       

Bob wondered behind the Office Desk as He talked and started to fuck around with some of the Work Order’s on the Counter. Lee couldn’t help at this point thinking Bob looked like Mario’s (from the Classic Super Mario Brothers Video Game) lesser known Older Brother Antonio or some shit.

“Anyway These geniuses go buy some beer from the Connivence Store across the way there, and started knocking them back.” continued Bob as He started to fiddle with the Computer Mouse while squinting at the screen ignorer to see what it said before finally continuing the Story.

     

“So its the following Day which was a Saturday so that’s a busier Day around here being the Weekend and All. Well around lunch it was around 1 in the afternoon if I remember it right a big old wind started blowing. Well wouldn’t you know it all of a sudden You know what starts blowing down off the Roof?” asked Bob fustratedly, “Damn Empty Beer cans. The Guys thought it was funny to throw Their empty’s from the previous Night up on the damn Roof instead of just chucking them in the damn Trash Dumpster.  So as a result I now had a barrage of Beer Cans flying off the Roof with every Gust of Wind pelting My Workers, The Customer’s, The damn Pumps, and worst of all the Customer’s Cars. And on top of it all the damn things are scattered all over the damn Lot rolling all around like a bunch of aluminum tumbleweeds or some damn thing. It was a complete mess, and damn near killed off My customer base because No One wants to deal with that bullshit just getting some damn Gas You know.”

      

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Exciting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (22/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (20/364)

Lee nonchalantly picked up the phone and called Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station. He had brief (yet very to the point) conversation with a Man who identified Himself as Bob told Lee if He was actually interested in Applying He should swing by and Apply in Person. Lee got His shit together and hopped in His car and sped off towards Frank’s Fossil Fuel with High Hopes.

Lee pulled up to Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station to find your basic 8 Pump Gas Station with a small office and two bay Garage set up. Lee parked next to the Dumpster, exited His Car, Walked Determinately into the Office, and asked to speak to Bob. While He waited for Bob He looked around the Office curiously inspecting the lay out and contents.

It seemed to be your typical far  small set of High School Locker Room Lockers in the far left corner opposite the door. There was a small and surprisingly clean Restroom located in the back right corner off of the Office. There were a couple shitty chairs in a half assed U shape forming a cramped and grimy waiting area for those waiting for their car repairs.

On the Right was the Door that leading the actual Garage and a tiny L shaped “Cashier” complete with an Out Dated PC, a Pay Phone (Yes the Dinosaur of Telecommunication), a Cheap ass Office Rack stuffed with fist fulls of Disorganized looking Paperwork, and a Rack of miscellaneous Engine Products with Different basic motor oils, Power Steering System Fluid, and Anti-freeze.

       

Just as Lee was wondering how fucking back dated the feeble collection of Magazines actually were the Garage Door swung open and a Short and Stocky Man entered dressed as a Mechanic who’s name tag read Bob.

“So you’re here for the Job are Ya?” asked Bob questioningly as He did a quick head to toe visual scan up and down of Lee.

“Yes Sir I’m Lee.” Lee replied extending His hand.

“You reliable, Can I count on You to show Up, work hard and not get into any bullshit?” asked Bob guardedly.

“No Sir I don’t even know what You mean by That?” responded Lee curiositly as Bob did in all due fact seem like a Strait Forward No Non Nonsense No Bullshit sort of Guy.

     

Stayed Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Enlightening Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (21/365)

Thanks for reading,

   By Les Sober

The Hallucinatory Hoax: The Placebo Effect Is Real

I have mention once or twice before that after I graduated High School and thought I knew everything about fucking everything. Instead of making the smart decision to go to Collage My buddies (The Arminian and His long time Girlfriend E) and I decided to try our hand at Drug Dealing. Now This was a Time before the Prescription Pill (Xanax, Vicodin, Oxycontin, Valium, and all that Man Mad madness began. Also its’ important to point out We didn’t sell Hardcore Street Drugs so We didn’t deal Heroin, Crack, or Cocaine.

We dealt Marijuana (which is NOT A DRUG but it was Illegal at the Time as California had been to that point the ONLY State that had approved Legal medical Marijuana) LSD in both Blotter & Liquid, Magic Mushrooms, Angel Dust, Ecstasy, a little PCP, and Meth which was a quite few Years away from becoming the National Epidemic it has become today. I mean the first time We decided to sell it (it just called Crystal way back when), and I had no fucking idea what it was. I had done Speed/Crank before, but like I said this was in the very early days of Meth.

       

One of Our biggest Hits if you will was some Highly Potent Blotter Acid called Black Magic. It was called Black Magic because one side was of course plain white and the reverse side had an insanely intricately detailed swirling tribal like Pattern in Black. This was the Acid that I mentioned in another post that was so goddamn strong we cut the Normal sized Hits in Half and sold the Halves as Wholes without complaint from a single customer.

This was of course a great advantage since we were going to Double our profit Margin. Also it may seem weird to most people but believe it or not most Drug Dealers do have feelings, and care to some degree about Their clients/Clientele. We were very glad We had personally tried The Black Magic (as a Quality Test) before selling a single dose to anyone. If We had for whatever reason sold Regular standard sized Hits of Black Magic We would have been ridden with Guilt and racked with worry at selling such a powerful Hallucinogenic Product to utterly unsuspecting Buyers.

Every Dealer has the same categories of Clients. There are the Regulars who You see frequently and are more social with, and then There are the Big Fish Who Buy in Bulk because they’re not just looking to Party this weekend, but for an entire year of Weekends. Then You have the once an a while acquaintances who buy off You intermittently, and of course You have the Chumps who are the sad sacks who get exploited by Their dealers because They’re ignorant and more over usually obnoxiously Annoying. They’re essentially Narcotic Nerds for lack of a better term.

Our to Chumps being due to a small town were also ironically regulars, but they just so happened to be a grade or so behind us. To keep Our strangle Hold on the High School Sales Market We had a Friend of Ours Cid (like Acid minus the A) who too was a year behind us. We all really adored the shit out of Cid the guy was Sarcastically Absurd and insanely fucking funny.

      

Cid was also Loyal and would never Narc Us out if the shit hit the Fan. Also He was trustworthy as Hell I mean He’d pretty much have to be right?! I mean We had to intrust Him with Our drugs AND Our Money in good Faith. And for His part Cid never fucked around with Our product, and His cash counts were NEVER even a Nickel Off.

So when We got Our hands on the Black Magic We figured when it came to Our Dipshit Duo We could (if the plan was successful) triple our Money dealing to these Two Tools. Our Plan was very simplistic indeed. We would Sell them One Half Hit of the Black Magic, and a Second Dose that was entirely fucking fake. Since the Chumps hand’t heard about the New Batch of Acid, We would tell Them the fakes were the last of Our previous batch, and that gave us another advantage when it came to our plan. The whole plan was based on the belief that if the Two Turds took BOTH hits They’d never know one was fake.

       

To make the Fake Hits We cut Open a Letter Envelope the kind with the Safety Design on the inside so You couldn’t hold it up to the Light and see what it was (like say a check for example). To add authenticity We used the Serrated Side of a fucking Butter Knife to create the perforation that so many People were familiar with (Our never came Perforated. It was just one solid Sheet of Blotter Paper), and then applied the slightest mix of Pure Lemon Juice Extract and Table Salt to lend to Authenticity though I have no fucking idea why. None of the Hundreds of Doses of Various Kinds of LSD have never had a taste or residual taste as the case may be.

Once We were done We called Cid who came over and we informed Him of the Plan at Hand when it came to dealing to the Two Twits which He thought was imaginative and Hilarious. And that was that after We told Cid what was up He left with His supplies and said He’d see Us in a couple of Days. A Couple of Days passed on by and true to His word Cid called and said He’d be stopping by Shortly to settle up.

       

When Cid arrived We ushered Him into the Apartment, handed Him a Beer, and asked what was going on. Cid got a dumb founded look on His face which startled not to mention concerned Us since We assumed the Face was indicative of some shitty issue We would have to deal with. Cid took a minute to comprise Himself before answering. Cid then went on to Tell Us that the Two Twats had taken the Bait hook, Line, and Sinker. Cid then put our minds at ease when He confirmed that Our Marks hadn’t figured out the Scam, but that wasn’t all Cid said.

Apparently Chump One in fact did as we perceived He’d do and took Both Hits (I’m not sure if it was actually at the same time or one after the other in an overlapping situation) and was Obliviously Happy. Here’s where it gets fucking really kind of fucking weird. The Second Chump only took the FAKE hit, but instead of discovering Our scam and getting pissed off He had approached Cid requesting MORE OF THE FAKE ACID.

       

After racking Our brains in complete confusion as We sat Dumbfounded by what We had just heard, and Cid didn’t fuck around when it came to Business so We knew He wasn’t messing with Us. In the End We had come up with only two possible scenarios that could possibly explain what had in fact happened.

ONE it was the simple BUT EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE Placebo Effect. This means (even though the Acid the Guy took was 100% fucking fake) because He BELIEVED it was real He thought He experienced the Effects of LSD though He had ingested NONE.

        

TWO was a bit tricker to figure out as a possible explanation. The only other thing that could justify this odd occurrence was that after taking the Hit the Second Chump DID realize it was fake BUT decided not to mention it because He may have been to afraid to do it (and might have been pressured into it by His Friend the Other Chump in question), and was relieved to find out it was Fake. That way He would have avoided any fear he had of doing LSD, and since No one was the wiser He could also get the credit if you will for taking LSD.

Yet to this Day None of Us truly know what the fuck the Second Chump’s true intentions were in this, and chances are We never fucking Will.

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober