I have Commented Before that Customer Service is a Dying Art if You will and Now Customer Service in General fucking Sucks. Well I had another Run in with a World Class Customer Service Shitbag.
The Issue was SO MINOR it was damn near Pathetic here’s Why. I Hate, Loath, and Despise Our Current TV/Internet Provider so I did what Anyone would do in this Situation I called Another Company and got a Better Deal. The Only small fuck up was the Sales Rep. was supposed to E-mail Me the Terms and Conditions bullshit Paperwork, but I never received said E-mail (though the Sales Rep. was VERY fucking Insistent I would get it Shortly after We concluded Our Phone Call as it were.) That was Yesterday.
Since I live in Bumfuck No Where USA We still have fucking Ridiculous 2 Year Service Contracts to Deal with. So Obviously I want to be goddamn sure I know what I’m getting into First believe You Me. With the Installation Scheduled for Tomorrow I was getting a bit fucking Irritated that My Window to Review Said Documents was Narrowing.
Today I Simply called the New Provider to Simply Request that the Initial E-mail Simply be Resent. HOW FUKCING SIMPLE IS THAT?!! Well it was a LOT Harder to Accomplish My Goal when I had this Great Displeasure of Getting Stuck with a Complete and Utter Asshole of a Customer Service Representative.
First Off this Asshole mumbles HIs name so COMPLETELY INCOHERENTLY It Didn’t in fact sound Like He was Speaking a Language, But More like He was just making Random Guttural Animalistic Grunts. Anyway I tell Him I SIMPLY need a E-mail Resent BECAUSE I never Received it in the First fucking Place.
The Next thing I know He said He had to Look Up My Account Information which I found Rather Fucking ODD, But I gave the shit The Benefit of the Doubt. Perhaps He’d need to Verify My E-mail which seemed likely to Me. I just rather Assumed The Sales Rep. had Typed in My E-mail Address Wrong and that was SIMPLY It. While this Asshole is Allegedly looking Up My Account Info Goes Unusually Quite leaving Me to A) Wonder if the Call Got Dropped or Some Technical Issue like His Head Set took a shit, and B) Listening to the Extraneous Background Babbling of His fellow Call Center Co-Workers.
After 15 minutes of the Happy Horseshit I SIMPLY commented Out Loud that was Not a Good First Impression for a New Customer, and it seemed silly that I had to go through ALL this just to SIMPLY have an E-mail Resent. This did Not Bode Well with Customer Service Shithead, and He copped THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT ATTITUDE You’d think He was a Tween Girl who got insulted on Social Media or some Stupid shit like that.
This Prick gets all Pissy with ME all of a Sudden. Before I can even Complete My First Thought (which was What the Fuck/Who the Fuck Does this Fuckwit think He is?!! ) HE starts Lecturing Me like a Bitchy Librarian. This Shitface Informs ME that if I can’t Stop being Rude HE is Going to Terminate the Phone call.
I asked Him How Exactly was I being Rude as I wasn’t Getting Loud/Yelling, I Didn’t Insult or Threaten Him in Anyway Whatsoever, and I was using Foul/Obscene/Abusive Language. HE didn’t Answer so I SIMPLY asked the Fucknuts Again and Then Again with still No ANSWER. Finally Mr. Motherfucker speaks up Again and Suggest We Keep The Call Professional. I Reiterate My Question this Time Though asking How was I Not Being Professional?!! This Time He Babbled some bullshit Incoherently about Professionalism which to ME made Absolutely No fucking Sense At All. It seemed to be Him Vocalizing His Current Train of Though.
Once He Stops His Bout of Verbal Diarrhea I tells ME that this in Actuality ISN’T HIS DEPARTMENT. I then Fed Up as fuck asked to be Transferred to the RIGHT DEPARTMENT. And Yet Again this Shitheel coups More of an Shitty Attitude with ME as HE tells ME that HE has to Place Me on a Short Hold while He finds the fucking Number. THE FUCKFACE WORKS THERE WHY DIDN”T HE KNOW THE FUCKING NUMBER I ASK YOU?!!
I sat on fucking Hold for just Short of 5 Minutes to see if Captain Cock Lock would indeed Return. Alas He DID NOT and I SIMPLY Hung the hell up. I then Immediately Called Back, and was Helped by a Very Nice Gentlemen who Apologized for the Previous Peckerhead as well Informing ME as to How I could Locate the Information I was Looking For. Heres the fucking Kicker You can do it on Their Website with the Proper Identification Numbers which the Sales Rep. had given to ME Yesterday so Cool.
This Last Piece of Information did UTTERLY PISSED ME OFF. This Meant 1) The Asshole I felt with WASN’T evening the Right Department to Assist Me and 2) The Little Fuckflap could have just SIMPLY confirmed I had the Correct Numbers and Informed ME How to Navigate Their Site with No Problem EASY. I decided I had behaved MYSELF which is REALLY RARE Especially when I’m Confronted by Some Fuck-Sucker.
I asked the Cool Second Customer Service Rep Guy if They had a Complaint Department as I would like to Lodge a Complaint because of the Shitty way Their Employee had Behaved. He said Yes and Promptly gave it to Me. I then Ended My Call with Him and Instantly then Called The Number He gave Me. I got a rather Extensive and Elaborate Automated System which I had to Figure Out How to Circumvent It to Reach the Right Department Once Again. I managed to Contact a ACTUAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. It was the Office Operator, and I told Her Why I was Calling, and She Directed My Phone Call Accordingly.
Once Another Very Polite Gentlemen fro H&R Picked Up I told Him I would like to Lodge a Complaint, BUT THIS TIME I had NO Intention of Biting My Tongue. He asked Me What the Complaint was so He could Write up a Official Report. In a Nutshell I SIMPLY I’m a EXTREMELY New Customer, 1st Time Calling Their Customer Service, Some Asshole Customer Service Rep. gave Me a TOTALLY SHITTY ATTITUDE, AND WHY SHOULD HIS SHITTY ATTITUDE BE MY FUCKING PROBLEM, I told Him the Guy had some fucking Nerve and the Bitch Balls to call ME Rude, Threatened to End the Call, Shit talking ABout it Not Being HIS Department, and Being Abandoned on Hold.
He of Course did His Job which was First and Foremost Appologizing for Something HE had NOTHING AT ALL to Do with which Seems Unfair to Me. I mean One Sorry is Sufficient, BUT in these Cases The Helpful Person Apologizes for the Problem Repeatedly Over and Over Again. He then of Course asked Me the Name of the Employee I Felt with, and I told Him that the Guy Mumbled it like a Motherfucker. I then Speculated this was due to the Fact this Guy is a DICK to EVERY CUSTOMER He Deals with so He’s Learned to Mumble His Name in a Feeble Attempt to NOT get Reported for Acting like an Asshole.
Too Bad for the AssFace there are SIMPLE Ways Around the Name Issue that I guess the fucking Fool forgot or more than likely NEVER even Though About. I SIMPLY asked the Question SINCE ALL CALLS ARE RECORDED for QUALITY and Training Purposes combined with the Fact I had just Talked to the Scumfuck Less than 45 Minutes ago couldn’t We find out His Name that Way. And of Course The H&R Guy said Yes thats be NO Problem and Did just that to Finish His Report.
He Apologized Once More and Assured Me the Report was Filed with His Department (H&R), and Wondered if there was Anything Else He could Assist Me with, I said No He’d been MORE than Helpful, and That was That. Problem Properly Addressed, and Solved Without Unnecessary Brutal Drama. I’m calling that a Win.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober