Month: September 2019

What The Hell am I Watching 2: Obey The Walrus

This Installment of “What The Hell Am I Watching 2” is VERY DIFFERENT than its Predecessor. The Main Difference is as I found Myself Obsessing a Bit over this Particular Video I went, and Researched it I actually was able to Track Down ALL of the Available Information pertaining to “Obey The Walrus”. Though even with the Details it  Doesn’t make it any less Strange.

The Video “Obey The Walrus” (or “Obedeca La Morsa” in Spanish) was Allegedly created by a Latin American Cult know as “La Morsa” which Translates into The Walrus. The Video was posted in 2008 and Spread Across the Internet like Wildfire.

Soon there were Rumors that the Video was in Fact Haunted, and that Bad Things/Bad Luck will Happen to Whoever watches the Video. There is Nothing Supernatural about this Video as the Rumors of it Being Haunted or Cursed were Made Up to Scare the God Loving Shit Out of You Plain and Simple.

        

The Man Featured in the Video is American Born Entertainer/Actor Johnnie Baima who is an Anorexic Cross Dresser who Contracted Polio when He was a Small Child. Later on in Life Baima adopted the Drag Queen Stage Name of Sandie Crisp, but is Best Know by His Moniker “The Goddess Bunny”.

The Goddess Bunny has NOTHING to do with the Cult La Morsa as it is Simple Archieved Footage from Baima’s 1994 Biographical Film Titled “The Goddess Bunny” that has been Edited. The Video was edited to include the Additional Footage of Andros from Star Fox singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” followed by some LSD Induced Graphics, and the End of the Video Picture of a Walrus. To Date No Researcher has EVER been able to Locate Hide nor Hair of Any Real Life Cult Called La Morsa. This lack of Any/All Evidence of its Existence has lead Most to Believe it NEVER Existed in the First Place.

       

The Other Extremely Odd thing about the Video is the Dramatically Different Reposes that People have after or while Viewing it. Some People are Freaked the Fuck Out or Scared while on the Opposite side of Spectrum there People who Laugh or Just simply Shake it Off as They Say. Luckily there is a Psychological Reason which is as Follows:

The reactions to the Video are a Natural Reaction of a Psychological Nature that has NOTHING to do with Demons and Subliminal Messages, let Alone Satanic Organizations. It is Due to Mental Conditioning to Various Factors such as Deformity, Transexualism, the Colors, The Dance which can be Distressing. This is Accompanied by a Sound that the Brain has Trouble Processing, it Provokes a Reaction of Terror that in EXTREME Cases can cause Dizziness, Vomiting, and Some other Unpleasant Physical Reactions. On the Other Hand to the Contrary it can Provoke a Reaction of Happiness, Laughter, and Laughing to the Point of Crying. The Bottomline is It All Depends on the Reaction of Your Brain to What You See.

       

WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND DISTURBING, OBJECTIONABLE, OR OFFENSIVE. AS ALWAYS HERE AT FYB VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED. Enjoy.

Hope You Found Tonight’s Video Entertaining. Good Night and Sleep Tight.

 Brought to You By Les Sober

( www.goddessbunny.com/info.asp)

(Sources: David Nunez, Scare Theater, and HoodoHoodlumsRevenge)

Some Drug War Dinosaurs WON’T DIE.

Some Lingering Dinosaurs Left Over from the Failed War on Drugs refuse to Face the Fact They’re facing Extinction. The War on Drugs has been a Colossal waste of Time, Money, Man Power, Resources, and Ended in Horrific Failure. The Cliche goes “Those Who Don’t Learn from History are Doomed to Repeat it” and That Cliche definitely applies to America. You think after the Spectacular Shit Show that was Prohibition The American Government would have learned the Simple Lesson of PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THEY WANT TO DO EVEN IF THEY ARE ILLEGAL.

Prohibition surrendered to Defeat in 1933, but the Government had a Serious Public Relations Disaster because Prohibition Failed. Not only did Prohibition Fail in its Mission to Stop Americans from Drinking it also gave Rise to Organized Crime. Along with the Rise of Organized Crime came Countless Murders and Assassinations as Bootleggers fought for Territory and Customers A Like.

So The Governmental Law Agencies had to find a New Public Enemy Number One to Save Face from Prohibitions Failure, and Distract the Public from the Monumental Failure that Prohibition turned out to be. Motivated by Desperation, Humiliation, and Racism The Federal Law Agencies Demonized Marijuana due to the Fact Latinos (Primarily Mexicans) were the Key demographic of Marijuana Smokers along with Jazz Musicians (aka African Americans) at the Time. And Thus REEFER MADNESS WAS BORN.

       

Not only was REEFER MADNESS a Campaign of Pure Propaganda and Lies focusing Heavily on the Threat that Pot Smoking Minorities posed to the White Man’s way of Life. Marijuana They said would Not Only Lead to Instant Addiction, Insanity, Crime, and Death to those Who Used it, and that Directly put America’s (White) Youth, as well as (White) Women in Harms Way. Thus the Evils of Alcohol were turned into the Evils of Marijuana.

Then eventually Marijuana was Illegal on the Federal Level and the Raging Fire of Reefer Madness subsided to a Pile of Smoldering Embers after Marijuana was made Illegal. That was until Ronald Regan the D-List Actor turned D-List Politician took office as the President of the United States in 1980. Regan was the one Who Declared the War on Drugs and the First Drug His New Drug War Targeted was Marijuana. The Flames of Reefer Madness jumped back to Life to become a Full on Bonfire of Misinformation, Propaganda, and Blatant Lies perpetuated by The combination of Government and Law Enforcement Agencies.

Now in 2019 with 2/3 of the 50 States that comprise America have Legal Medical or Recreational Marijuana (though it is still bastardized and Illegal on the Federal Level) gave way to Exposing all the Propaganda and Lies that The Government had been Force Feeding the American Public starting in 1933 and then Resurrected with Regan’s War on Drugs. It also had allowed for the Positive Effects of Marijuana have come to Light through New Unrestricted Scientific Studies. With all this You’d think the Booze Vs. Buds argument would have been rendered Moot, but Alas No. There still some Old School Drug War Dinosaurs wondering the Land desperately trying to Fan the Flames of the Anti-Marijuana Movement.

For All Those Dinosaurs and the Misinformed, or Naysayers here’s just a Short List of Facts on the Subject.

       

BOOZE:

According to the 2013 YRBS, the most COMMONLY ABUSED DRUG among Teenagers is ALCHOL. Alcohol is in Fact a Drug as the American Medical Association defines a Drug as “Any and All Mind or Mood Altering Substance”. In the Past 30 Days Alone 35% of High Schoolers admired They Drank Alcohol, 21% took part in BINGE Drinking, 10% Drove Drunk, and 22% said They had gotten in a Car with a Driver who had also been Drinking.

A LARGE Proportion of Interpersonal VIOLENCE is related to Alcohol. 80% of Murders, Aggravated Assaults, Domestic Violence, and Rapes are related to Alcohol Consumption.

Alcohol Offenses constitute the LARGEST Single Arrest Category which includes Public Drunkenness, Public Urination, Indecent Exposure, Disorderly Conduct, Vagrancy Charges, and Drunk Driving.

        

A LARGE proportion of Automobile FATALITIES are Related to Alcohol Use. in 2013, 10,076 (31%) of Fatal Car Accidents were Alcohol Related. The National Highway TrafficSafety Administration cites Alcohol as the MOST Pervasive SINGLE FACTOR found in Fatal Highway Accidents.

Alcohol is DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Alcohol leads to Alcoholism, Diabetes, Heart Problems, Kidney Issues, and Wet Brain just to Name a Few. Alcohol Kills approximately 88,000 People Per Year, which is MORE than ANY OTHER DRUG besides Nicotine which Kills 480,000 People a Year. 4,300 of the 88,000 Fatalities are due to Underage Drinking.

People who Drink are more likely to Engage in Sexual Activity, have Unprotected Sex, Have Sex with a complete Stranger (The preverbal One Night Stand/Hook Up), or be the Victim OR Perpetrator of a Sexual Assault (aka Rape.)

MARIJUANA:

Today there are OVER 2 MILLION Americans incarcerated in the Prison System making America’s Prison Population the LARGEST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Over 350,000 of the 2 Million Inmates are Serving Time for Drug Offenses. It has been proven that sending Drug Offenders to Rehab is FAR More Beneficial than Imprisonment since the Crime is a Symptom of the Sickness of Addiction. Prisons are basically just Collages for Convicts where Low Level Offenders can Learn how to be Major Criminals with Tutorials in Drug Dealing, Car Jacking, Identity Theft, Gang Banging, Murder, Rape, and that’s just for Starters.

10 States still have SEVERE collateral Sanctions for Marijuana Offenders. Florida has the MOST SEVERE Sanctions in regards to Illegal Marijuana Offenders (Florida Legalized Medical Marijuana in 2017). Possible Sanctions include a Barred on Educational Aid, Barred from being a Foster Parent, Denial of Housing Assistance, Suspension of Driver’s License, Barred from Voting, Barred from Serving on a Jury, Lost Job Opportunities in the Medical Field, and Barred from Possessing a Fire Arm.

        

Over the past 4 Decades, the Federal and State Governments have spent a WHOPPING 1 TRILLION DOLLARS on the War on Drugs. Imagine what that money could have been used for like Repairing Infrastructure, Education, Healthcare, Poverty, Cancer Research Etc.

In 2015, 61% of American Voters believed Marijuana should be Legalized on the Federal Level. in 2019 the Number of American Voters believe Marijuana should be Legalized.

72% of American Voters Believe Marijuan should be Decriminalized, and there should be a FINE NOT TIME for Marijuana Possession.

       

I encourage all Our Reader’s to Properly Educate Themselves using Only Facts and Decide for Themselves where They Stand on the Alcohol Vs. Marijuana Argument/Debate. QUESTION EVERYTHING, KEEP AN OPEN MIND, AND THINK FOR YOURSELF.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

FYB’s Anti-Monday Movie: GRAVY

Even though it Another Mundane Monday Let Us Assure You EVERYTHING is Just Gravy!

Tonight FYB is Proud to Present a Healthy Helping of Salsa and SLAUGHTER with The CANNIBALISTIC INDIE HORROR COMEDY: Gravy

What Else could Cure the Mind Numbing Effects of Mondays more than an Appetizer of Guacamole and GORE followed by a Main Course in CANNIBALISM with HUMAN FLESH FIFITA’S,  a Serving of BLOODY BURRITOS, and a Side of HOMICIDE?!!

   

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILM CONTAINS SCENES OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, GORE, AND CANNIBALISM THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE, OBJECTIONABLE, NAUSEATING , OR DISTURBING. VIEWER DISCRETION AS ALWAYS IS ADVISED.

Well We Hope You liked Tonights Tale of Terror and Tacos. Goodnight and Sleep Tight.

Thanks for Viewing,

 Brought to You By Les Sober

Bits & Pieces: The Labeling Perspective

This perceived Radical Sociological Perspective know as The Labeling Perspective was Developed in the 1960’s. The Word Deviant has been Miss Used and thus Misunderstood for Many Years now. Being Deviant doesn’t mean the Person is a Criminal, Mentally Unstable, that a Person is some sort of Scumbag, or that They should be looked Down Upon in some Way. Unfortunately the General public has come to Assume that is Exactly. Again this is mainly due to HEAVY MISUSE of the Word by Members of Society without fully Understanding its actual Definition.

       

It’s NOT the Behavior Itself, BUT the Reaction To the Behavior that Creates Deviance. It is NOT something about the Person being Deviant, BUT rather about the Definition of what is Deviant. What is considered to be Deviant varies from Society to Society, and What is considered Deviant can Change over time. Bottom Line: Deviance is in the Eye of the Beholder.

   

The Labeling Perspective States:

  1. A Person is Labeled or Deemed Deviant, and Most often by a Person or Persons in a Position of Authority.
  2. OTHERS view the Person Labeled as Indeed being Deviant. This is referred to as the Societal Acceptance of Deviance.
  3. The Alleged “Deviant” begins to Accept the Label of Deviant. This is referred to as Internalization of Self-Concept.
  4. The Person ends up Believing He or She IS Deviant/a Deviant. This is Referred to as Secondary Deviance or simply put YOU decide YOUR Deviant.

       

Thanks for Reading,

  Presented By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (43/365)

“Aw Goddamnit! The Electric in this Building is TOTALLY SHITTY!” announced Dizzy loudly with a great deal of Aggravation. “This Building is so damn Old and The Owner is such a Cheap Bastard the Wiring is beyond Faulty. Honestly I don’t know how the Crooked fucker gets away with it I mean He has to be bribing the Housing Authority or some Shady shit.”

Lee paused in the Doorway feeling rather awkward as He listened to Dizzy Banging into or Bouncing Off whatever there was Hidden in the Veritable Blackhole of Dizzy’s Apartment. Finally there was a Ray of Sunshine that cut  through the Shadowy Interior Gloom, and Lee at last Entered into Dizzy’s Apartment.

As Lee’s eyes Adjusted to the Introduction of Day light after Navigating through the Dimly Lit Cave of a Building that Dizzy called Home. Dizzy’s Apartment gave the Impression that a Hard Partying Heavy Metal Band from the fucking 1980’s was residing there, and Currently reliving the Fame of a Career that had be Dead and Buried Decades Ago.

       

There was a Cloud of Dust almost as Thick as Smoke hanging in the Air like a Lingering Ghost. Dizzy’s Apartment smelled like a Moldy Basement filled with forgotten and Decaying Boxes which was masked by the Intense Stench of Cigarettes, Gallons of Cheap Stale Beer, and a Mild Hint of Ammonia reminiscent of a Cat Box that Needed Changing.

Lee Maneuvered careful over to Dizzy’s Couch which looked like it had been Salvaged from the Curb several times over before reaching Dizzy instead of the City Dump. The Couch had one of the Ugliest Patterns from the Nightmare of Style know as The 70’s. The Pattern was of Large Cartoonish looking Daisys in Mustard Yellow, Vomit Green, Ugly Ass Orange, and Accented with Shit Stain Brown. The Couch was so fucking Repulsive Lee could imagine it  making People Nauseous enough to actually Puke, and even if They Threw Up on the Couch  No One would be the Wiser as it would just Blend into the Eye Sore Collage  that was Dizzy’s so called Couch.

       

Lee checked to make sure the Couch Cushion was Dry and devoid of any Suspicious Stains of Unknown Origin before sitting on what Lee considered a fucking Diseased Soaked Monstrosity. In front of the Couch was a Coffee Table which did look like it had come Directly from the Dump. One Leg was held on with a copious amount of Well Worn Duct Tape, and was Littered with Empty Booze Bottles, Several Overflowing Ashtrays with Cigarette Butts cascading down the side like a Cancerous Avalanches, and a couple Foreign Eastern Block Porno Mags. . The Couch was Bookended by a Pair of Beaten to Hell Mismatching Television Trays Each with a Cluster of Heavily Used Half Melted Candles and assorted other Items such as a Well Used Bong, a TV Remote that was so fucking Old the Numbers had worn off with Use and quite a few Buttons were by this point in time were Missing

       

Lee gazed across the Room to the Far Wall were a Lone disheveled Chest of Drawers with 9 Drawers. One of the Drawers had gone missing and the other 8 Drawers were in Various Stages of Hanging Open. Some were barely Open while Others were hanging all the fucking way Out. There weren’t any Cloths visible as the Drawers looked to have been filled with all kinds of useless Junk. On Top of the Dresser was a Seriously Outdated TV that had a Pair of Rabbit Ears on Top, and “Property of Princetonian Hotel” stenciled in white on the Side. Lee wondered to Himself if The Pricetonian was the Name of Dizzy’s Dwelling or the Name of Where it was Stolen From. After a Moment of Contemplation Lee decided it must be the Later.

Be Sure To Tune In For Next Weeks Inside Out Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (44/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober (12:22 am)

What The Hell Am I Watching

Unlike the ‘Questions That Allude Answers’ there are some Videos that are so fucking Fringe that You find Yourself wondering What The Hell You’re Watching. Are these Videos Art Projects? Bizzaro Promotions? The Product of a Seriously Insane Person? Are They mad by Underground or Secret Societies? Are They Part of some Government Agenda? Who the Hell Knows, BUT I find Them to be Wildly Entertaining as I find Not Knowing is The Appeal of such Videos.

Tonight We have “username:666” by Nana825763

and

“Save Them Jesus”  by Imaginedon

       

I would now like to take a Moment to Address the Topic of Satanism. There has NEVER been a Religion so Steeped in Myth, Persecution, Condemnation, and a Shit Ton of Misinformation. I’ve noticed a few things on the Subject of Satanism over the Years and will Address them Now.

First I find it Bizarrely Fascinating that People watch Horror Movies/TV Shows that are PURE FICTION, THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY FAKE, Yet when the Movie/Show is Over They walk away believing the Depictions of So Called Satanism is indeed Factual. This Boggles My mind since again Horror Movies/TV Shows are FICTIONAL works designed to SHOCK, SCARE, OR REPULSE You so why would anyone think any part of it is a Real Life Fact?!

       

I fully believe if You Truly want to know about Something then simply go to The Source that way You cut out all the Middle Man Bullshit, Lies, Conjecture, Speculation, and Misinformation on Said Subject. So I went out one Day and purchased Both The Satanic Bible and The Satanic Witch and read Both Books Cover to Cover. These are THE FACTS that I Personally Uncovered.

First off Satanism is Essentially Hedonism with Satan acting as Nothing more than a Mascot. Satanist believe if it makes You feel Good and DOESN’T HURT PERSON OR ANIMAL then Don’t Listen to Dogma just Indulge. If You like Food its Ok to be a Glutton or if its Sex then go ahead Bang Your Brains Out.

Secondly I found Out in the VERY BEGINNING of The Satanic Bible that Satanist REVERE Children and Animals because They haven’t been Corrupted by the Evils of The World, Humanity, or Society. It is Clearly Stated that Satanist DO NOT SACRIFICE BABIES, CHILDREN, OR ANIMALS. Human (Adult) Sacrifice is Frowned Upon and Discouraged.

Thirdly as for those Idiots and Assholes You see on the News from Time to Time Who claim to be or is Allegedly a “Devil/Satan Worshiper” are in fact NOT as They don’t Devoutly Follow The Religion. These are Mentally fucked Up People or Complete Sociopaths/Psychopaths who’s Homicidal Acts have NOTHING to do with Satanism, and everything to do with the Fact Killers Kill PERIOD Its what They do. Sometimes I think these Idiots and Assholes are playing the Satanist Card because They think They are Actual Satanists or are Just Saying it to look Scarier and more Intimidating in the Eyes of the Public. Also the Media is far to fucking gear to play the Satanist Card whenever a Murder/Murders have Extenuating Circumstances.

All the Reasons I have Listed above have Combined into one of the BIGGEST MIS-INFORMATIONAL SHIT STORMS IN HISTORY. Think For Yourself and Find Out for Yourself instead of believing any Old bullshit You hear someone Spewing since Most People in Reality (this is a Proven Sociological Fact) don’t actually know what They’re talking about. People like to Talk. People like to Gossip. People like to Talk shit. People like to Bullshit. So its best to Find out For Yourself from the Source itself as I said earlier.

       

WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS CONTAIN CONTENT THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE, OBJECTIONABLE, DISTURBING, OR UNSETTLING. VIEWER DIGRESSION IS AS ALWAYS ADVISED.

Hope You has Fun watching Tonights Disturbing Double Dose of  Madness Personified.

Thanks for Reading/Viewing,

 Presented By Les Sober

‘Goodnight Moon’ Read By Oderous Urungus

This Little Gem is the American Classic Bedtime Story  ‘Goodnight Moon’ by Margret Wise Brown read by Deceased Gwar Frontman Oderous Urungus.

WARNING: The Following Video Contains LANGUAGE That Some Viewers May Find OFFENSIVE. Enjoy

Thanks for Watching,

Brought to You By Les Sober

We’re The Worst Superhero’s of All Time

My Wife and I had planned a Road Trip to get Out of Town for a While and to take a break from Life’s endless Trial, Tribulations, and General Horseshit. We board Our 4 Large Rottweilers at a Boarding Facility a Couple of Towns Over from Our little Neck of the Woods. We Board them since 4 Rottweilers on the Road in a fucking Hatchback would be an Insane Undertaking.

We loaded Up the Dogs and hit the Road headed to a Town a few over from us. It was a pleasantly sunny Day but Hot as a Motherfucker with a Humidity Index of 90%. My Wife was Driving and I saw mindlessly staring out the Window checking out the Scenery as We drove along to Our Destination.

Far down the Road almost almost out of Sight a Black SUV looking Vehicle that had pulled up in front of one of the Many Abandoned Buildings that Dot the Countryside, and all of a Sudden the Vehicle took off like a Bat Ot of Hell with its ass on Fire. The Vehicle quickly disappeared out of Sight and We continued Our uneventful Drive.

       

The Next thing I saw was truly one of those things that makes You think to Yourself What The Fuck s That About. As I was blankly staring at the Thick Woods that lined the side of the Road I saw a Man with a Shaved Head, Shirtless, with a Homeless Floridian Panhandler’s Tan, and carrying what appeared to be a Military Type Duffle Bad Deal slung over His Shoulder. He stuck out like the Preverbal sore fucking Thumb since We were in a long and virtually uninhabited stretch of Road with a Few scattered Houses spaced Out along it.

The weirdest fucking thing was this Guy was Walking Out of the Woods towards the Road. This normally wouldn’t concern Me in the Least as I have said We live in the Boonies so Seeing a Hunter decked out in Head to Toe Camo standing on the Side of the Road or walking out of the Woods is just Typical around here. This Guy wasn’t a Hunter in fact for all intensive  purposes He looked like a fucking Homeless Junkie.

Before I could even make  comment to My Wife about the Strange Junkie Emerging from the Woods We came around a Blind Curve, and there was the Black SUV Vehicle that had come to a COMPLETE dead Stop as if it was in a Parking Spot at some fucking Walmart. Since it was a Blind fucking curve there was 20 feet between Our car goin 50 miles an Hour or so (The Speed limit is 55 on that road, but as You can imagine People drive even Faster because they can’t seem to kill themselves fast enough.) and the Unknown Vehicle that was again at a DEAD STOP. I had just enough time to say My Wife’s Name and then all We could do is Prepare for Impact.

       

Our Lives didn’t flash before Our eyes, It wasn’t like being in a fucking Movie, and Nothing appeared to go into Slow Motion. I a split NANO SECOND I saw the Vehicle and thought Holy fucking Shit Their not Moving, and then just simply the word Fuck then We collided with the Rear End of the Vehicle in Question. We hit so fucking Hard not only did BOTH Air Bags Deploy they fucking Exploded filling the Car with a think Cloud of Chemical Dust that smelled like Burning Plastic. The Hood of the Car was crumpled all the way back to the base of the Shattered Windshield like a Crinkle Cut Fry.

The Dogs thank fucking God weren’t Hurt as They slammed against Each other and collapsed in a Heap all accept for Mama Dog who had been sitting between the Front seats so She could see out the Windshield. Mama Dog came flying forward between the Seats Head First towards the Windshield, and I stuck My Arm Out like a Toll Gate catching Her before She smacked into the Windshield or the Dash Board. Our Ears were ringing, We were uncontrollably shaking a good Bit, and Spent the first couple of Minutes trying to figure Out if We were in fact Dead. Luckily We were alive and Not seriously Hurt.

       

My Wife excited the Vehicle by Squeezing Herself out the Car door that at this point barely Opened enough for Her to do so. I checked on the Dogs who were handling the Accident far better it appeared than We Humans. I then had to Crawl out of the Car Window since My Door was so jacked the fuck up it Couldn’t Open not even a Crack. The Other driver walked Over to Us as I slid out of the Car Window, and looked as in Shock as We did as Everyone’s Adrenaline was Flowing like the fucking Mississippi River after a Major Down Pour. The Entire Engine lay Exposed to the Sun tilted to the Left, Anti Freeze along with Oil and Radiator Water were Draining Out Every fucking where. There was Shrapnel consisting of the Front Bumper, Head Lights, and Various Extraneous Debris splayed out across the Asphalt.

We established No One was seriously Hurt and as We stood there in Shock to the Point No One could Figure Out what to do Next. We finally Mentally collected Ourselves enough to think some what strait and knew We had to call the Police and then Our Insurance Company immediately. Before We could call the Cops a Gnarly Fire Fighter Rescue Pick Up Truck pulled up Behind Our Vehicle. The Truck was fucking Huge even by Truck standards and had Flashing Lights on Top with the Station Number in the Middle of a Badge Insignia (1211 by the way). The Driver was a rather Big Fellow decked out in Navy Blue Cargo Pants, Shit Kicker Boots, Navy T-shirt with The Fire Rescuer’s Emblem on it, and a Navy hat also sporting the Fire Rescue Logo.

       

The Fire Rescue Fellow showed up so Fast like I said We hadn’t even dialed the Police as We all were still Badly Shaken Up by what had just occurred. It turned Out there was another Young Man not looking a Day over 22 with the Fire Rescue Fellow who jumped out, threw on a Florescent Yellow Vest like the Road Construction Crews wear, and crossed to the Other side of the Road to Direct Traffic as the Vehicle We Hit was still parked in the road blocking the Entire Lane.

The Next to Show was the Ambulance and the EMTS who We informed were not needed at this Time as No One was Seriously Hurt nor Requesting Medical Attention. I’d like to pause here for a brief second. I fully fucking Believe there should be a 24 Hour Medical Consultation Law that Allows Victims of Car Accidents a FULL 24 Hours to Seek Treatment POST Accident. This is due to the Fact that with all the fucking Adrenaline and Sheer Shock of it All People aren’t aware of Injuries at the exact Time o the Crash. I mean unless Your Unconscious, Profusely Bleeding, have a Broken Limb, or are Trapped in the Wreck People always Dismiss the Paramedics. Then later when the Adrenaline and its wonderful knifing effects wear the hell off You start to become aware of all the Sore Muscles, Bruises, Scratches, and Cuts that You incurred in the Accident.

       

Now Back to Our Story.

Its at this Point The Story takes an Unforeseen Twist when the Fire Rescue Fellow asks My Wife and I if We saw the Bald Junkie Dude run into the Woods with something and then Run back out again. We told the Fire Rescue Fellow What We had seen and then told Him that after Impact We were to fucked in the Head to Notice what the fuck The Junkie did or didn’t do. I then informed the Fire Rescue Fellow of what I had seen before the collision. The Fire Rescue Fellow informed us the reason He had made it onto the Scene so Fast was the Next Car to come down the Road after Our accident was in fact His Brother who called Him Directly to report the Crash and let His Brother Know some Guy had run into the Woods to ditch Who Knows What. The Fire Rescue Fellow then told Us He would remain at the Crash Site because and I quote “Theres something Not right about those Guys.” referring to the Occupants of the Other Car.

The Other Driver walked up and instantly the Fire Rescue Fellow asked Her straight up what was it that the Guy hid in the Woods. She of course says She has No fucking Clue who He is or That She was picking Him Up. She went on to say the Other Woman in the Car who looked like Your Stereotypical Meth Addict was Her Best Friend who She hadn’t seen in 6 months (More than likely because the bitch was doing a 6 month bit in County Jail), and the Guy was Her Boyfriends who again She had No Clue about. This is a Classic Drug Addict explanation as its full of fucking Holes. The Fire Rescue Fellow tells the Woman The Police are in Route, and He’ll have Them bring a K-9 Unit out if Necessary. She stuck to Her story and things progressed.

       

A Actual Fire Truck showed Up, but since there was No Fire (Thank fucking God) there was No Need for Them so They left for Somewhere They were in fact Needed. As The Fire Truck was pulling away the Local Sheriff Patrol Cars pulled Up. The Sheriffs made Sure We were indeed Ok and Prceeded to Help Direct the increasing amount of Traffic that was backing Up as The Sheriffs Closed BOTH Lanes simultaneously. The Sheriffs also made sure No One tried to Leave the Scene of the accident, and to Insure there was No Physical Confrontation between those involved in the Accident.

I’m not gonna lie as I stood there watching things unfold I had to fight the Impulse to Run Over to the Other Vehicle (which was a Jeep it turned out not an SUV), and Beat the Holy fucking shit Out of the Junkie Dude since it was essentially His fault. If His filthy Drug Addled ass was being picked up on the side of the fucking Road by His Drug Addict supposed Girlfriend and the Other Driver NON of this Would have Happened.

By Now the Few scattered People living out that way had made Their way from Their Houses near by to the Accident Site, and We the Coolest Bunch of People they were the kind of People that restore Ones Lost Faith in Humanity that’s for sure. Everyone of Them asked if We were Ok, if We needed Anything, and Brought Not Just Us but Our Dogs Cold Bottles of Water. No joking here but These Good Samaritans were as concerned for Our Dog’s Welfare as much as Ours which I found to be utterly fucking Awesome.

       

My Wife at this Point was on the Phone reporting the Accident to Our insurance Company as I tended to the Dogs making sure They had Water and didn’t try and Jump out of the Car during all the commotion. I called My Mother who is My only relative around these parts and asked Her to come over and Pick Up the Poor Dogs since it was Hot and Humid as Hell. The Last fucking thing We needed was for a Dog to suffer a fucking Heat Stroke from baking in the Car now turned Oven. Thankfully She was at Home and ready to lend a Helping Hand however it was needed. She arrived about 23 minutes later and My Wife and I loaded Up the Four Dogs into Her Air Conditioned Car.

It was also at this point the Sheriffs made sure Everyone Stood Roadside as the Woods were Now Off Limits to Anyone Who wasn’t Law Enforcement. The Highway Patrol was called in to Deal with the Actual Accident and would be arriving shortly. Also I nice Older Man who Lived about 150 feet from the Accident Site told My Mother She could park in His Drive Way which was Shady and would keep Her out of The Polices Way. I walked down to His Driveway and He came out of His Workshop (Turns Out He’s a Welder among other things) with a Big Bowl of Fresh Cold Water for Our Dogs.

       

Time Passed as the Three Ring Circus of an Accident was in full Swing, and I couldn’t take the Dogs Home because the Highway Patrol would want My Account of the Accident. So I stood in this Nice Old Guy’s Front Year watching the Fiasco for a While. Eventually the Fire Rescue Fellow walked over to Me and Informed Me that The Deputy’s (Yet more Law Enforcement) had arrived and were currently in the Process of Arresting the Meth Head Girlfriend Passenger in the Jeep We hit because She had NOT One, BUT SEVERAL ACTIVE WARRANTS OUT FOR HER ARREST. So She was Off to Jail. I again won’t lie this Delighted Me because it was Her Scummy Junkie Boyfriend they were Picking Up.

Apparently I was told that Each Law Enforcement Agency had its Own Particular Role in this Situation. As I said earlier The Sheriff was there for the Initial Assessment and to Keep the Peace. The Highway Patrol was there sole for the Accident, and the Deputies were there to Arrest The Junkie’s Meth Mouthed Girlfriend so there were a lot of motherfuckers with Badges.

       

Another Development had occurred while My Wife was still Maning the Phones like a fucking Champ, and I was keeping My Mother and Dogs company while chatting with the Nice Older Man and His Adult Daughter. It just so happened there was a Petty Thief that had been operating in their Area Breaking into Vacation Houses, Boat Houses, Garages, Tool Sheds, Workshops, and Vehicles to Steal whatever They could. THIS was the reason for the Fire Rescue Fellows Diligence, and the subsequent interest of the Various Police Departments in the Bald Junkie fuck I had seen walking Out of the Woods before the Accident.

The Police had been actively searching the Woods and had located several Stashes of Peoples Personal Property that the Bald Son of a Bitch had STOLEN and then since obviously He didn’t have a Car Hid in the Woods to swing back and pick up at a Later Date. Of course the Entire Time the Two Druggie Scumbags are Lying every which way to avoid the Increasingly good Possibility They BOTH would End up in Jail by the End of it all. With His Meth Loving Girlfriend was taken into Custody and He was put in Handcuffs He shut right the fuck up. And Yes in the End the Bald Bastard turned out in a Scooby Doo Twist to be the Piece of Shit Revolting Robber so He went to Jail just like His Meth Hooker Looking Girlfriend. As it turned out The Last Person this Scumfucks Junkie Robbed was as it turned out the Nice Older Man’s Place as His Daughter had conferred with the Cops, and Identified several items that belonged to Her Father.

       

The Highway Patrol finished up all the bullshit Paper work and Sited the Driver of the Jeep with a Ticket and Court Summons for making an “Illegal Stop”, returned My Wife and My Drivers Licenses, and told Us That We were in No Way required to show up on the Jeep Drivers Court Date, BUT if We did it would Help Them Nail Her to the fucking Wall. So Yes We are going I think it will be nice to be in Court and NOT being the Defendant and of Course FUCK HER THE BATSHIT BITCH. Fuck Up My Plans and I’ll Fuck Up Your LIFE.

Then My Wife got a Ride Home with the Tow Truck Driver who had showed up while We were with the Highway Patrol. I rejoined My Mother in Her car and Took the Dogs on Home at Last. The SOLE thing that gave this Shit Cloud a Silver Lining was when the Deputy Officer made a point of telling Us that Not to take it the Wrong Way, But as Unfortunate as Our Accident Was and Giving that No One was Seriously Hurt Had in Fact “Solved a lot of Problems for Us.”

 (1)    (2)

SO there You have it My Wife and I are in fact Superhero’s. Superhero’s without ANY Super Powers or Crime Fighting Weapons (like Batman). No We just Drive Around and Stop Crime by  Crashing into Criminals. Then We simply  Wait for the Cops to Come and Arrest Them.  That would effectively make Us the WORST SUPERHEROES OF ALL TIME.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (3)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (42/365)

“Here We are Home at Last!”, said Dizzy Joyfully, “Watch Your Step till I get some Light going.”

Dizzy fumbled with the Lock for a good 3-4 minutes jiggling the Handle and Key alike while Pushing and Pulling at the Door waiting for it to Comply and allow Them Entry. Lee noted the Door was an Actual Antique being made out of Solid Oak Not the Cheap Composite Board Ikea Crap. There was No Cutting Corners for Whoever the Craftsman was who made this Door using Creativity, Determination, Skill, and a whole hell of a lot of Elbow Grease.

You could see the Door was well Worn by Years of Being Opened, Closed, Slammed Shut, Knocked On, Kicked, Swung Open, and the General Test of Time Itself. It showed it Battle Wounds No matter how many Layers of Paint  (currently the Door had been Painted a Shitty Shade of Green that resembled the Color of an Old Bowl of Split Pea Soup) Coated it You could still see all the Scratches, Gauges, and Dings the Door had Endured Throughout the Many Years of Service.

       

Lee couldn’t help but think of How some of the Crappiest Places on Earth could still Hold on to Treasures of Times like the Oak Door. Lee thought it was a Tragedy of Society that Millennials had No Concept of Quality as They were a Part of the New so called “Throw Away Culture.” Back not to Long ago When Lee was a Child Appliances such as Refrigerators and Dishwashers were Built to Last and could go 10 Plus Years before One needed to even consider Replacing it.

Lee believed fully that Capitalism had Cannibalized the Consumer as They Monitized Every Facset of Human Life.Today Products like Appliances and Furniture are so Cheaply Made (as to Keep Profits High as Possible mind You) its designed to Crap out on You. Appliances have a Average Usage Life or approximately 5 Years. The Mass Produced Ikea Furniture thats all the Rage Breaks or Falls Apart in No Time Flat. So in by the End of Your Life Millennia’s will have been Financially Raped into Replacing Products Several Times or More while Wasting a Small Fortune in the Process. Capitalism has Bastardized the word Disposable Lee thought from Paper Plates to Include Any and Every Product You can find in Your Home.  Capitalism has Consumed the Consumer Lee though in utter Disgust and Great Contempt.

       

The same was with the Classic American Hand Made Furniture made by Artisans Who were Truly Masters of Their Craft. Dinning Room Sets, Bed Room Sets, Chairs, Hutches, China Cabinets were Made to Last up, and can up to or Over 100 fucking Years. Antique Furniture had/has Personality since it was Made By Craftsman’s Hands, and Not made of Cheap Flimsy Materials as They’re Mass Produced on a fucking Assembly Line in some fucking Factory. Just another innocuous Production Plants Pumping Out Product as Fast as Humanly Possible with No regard to Quality Nor Aesthetics. Lee couldn’t get His head around it. Why would anyone Settle for Connivence over a Crap Load of Cash?!

Now a days Millennials are completely Oblivious to the Fact Their Ignorance is being Exploited like a Son of a Bitch as They are completely Blinded by Advertising, and Brainwashed By Consumerism. They use something then the Sub Par Piece of Shit Breaks, and They just go Out and Spend more Money replacing it. Instead of Wondering Why the hell They are Wasting so much Money Unnecessarily Millennials just Shrug, assume thats “Just the Way it Is”, and Fork Over Fistfuls of Cash for Shoddy Craftsmanship and Cut Rate Materials. Lee thought of it as if Someone came up to You and asked if You’d like to by some crap at Their Yard Sale which most Everyone wouldn’t, BUT They were doing exactly that every time They bought shit for there Homes like Poorly constructed Furniture or Second Rate Appliances/Electronics.

       

“Are You going to come in or Wait to be Mugged in the Hallway?!” Dizzy asked having already Vanished into the Cloak of Darkness that Enshrouded His Apartment.

“Yeah I coming since I don’t feel the need to be Sexually Assaulted in the Stair Well by some Bastard on Bath Salts.” replied Lee in a Bitter Half Joking tone of Voice.

Tune in Next Week for the Next Bowel Irritating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (43/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

FYB’s Friday Night’s Insane Cinima

Welcome One and All to Tonight’s FYB Friday Night’s Insane Cinima Tonight We have a VERY SPECIAL TREAT and What is It?!

It’s The Icon of Independent Film for Over 45 Years Straight from HELL’S KITCHEN NYC it’s Troma Picture’s

For Over 45 Years Troma Founders the Legendary KINGS OG CULT FILMS Lloyd Kauffman and Micheal Hurtz have been making Independent Films Their Way with No Regrets. Troma has become a Unstoppable Phenomenon all Its Own bringing Audiences Films They might NEVER Otherwise have a Chance to See to Their Own Unapologetic Fuck You Hollywood Brand of Horror /Comedy Films. Troma’s Movies have Gained a Reputation among Cinephiles for They’re No Hold Barred Brand of  Juvenile Humor, Over the Top Gore, and Alternative Comedy.

       

Plot Summery: Troma High School located in Tromaville NJ next to a Nuclear Power Plant has a Problem. An accident at the Next Door Nuclear Plant has caused TOXIC RADIOACTIVE SLUDGE to Slowly Seep Out into the Surrounding Town of Tromaville!!! Over Night the Nerdy Straight A Honor Society transforms into a Violent Drug Dealing Gang of Law Breaking Thugsknow as The CRETINS! The Creatins start Peddling Their own Special Strain of Pot around School (which is Hydrated by The Leaking TOXIC NUCLEAR RUN OFF!!!). Then the Students at Troma High Suddenly  start to MUTATE INTO SEX STARVED PSYCHOS!!! Not to mention the SLIME COVERED MURDEROUS CREATURE thats Hunting for Human Victims in the Hallways.

The Class of Nuke ‘Em High has be Referred to as “Like The Breakfast Club, Only Not as Stupid, and Really, Really Drunk.”

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MOVIE CONTAINS CONTENT THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed Tonights Circus of The Insane Meets The Theater of The Absurd.

 Brought to You by Les Sober (1:55 am)