Month: October 2019

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (45/365)

Lee exited the Bathroom Post Haste, and once He was out He could hear Dizzy Shouting like a Lunatic. Lee looked around to see where Dizzy was when He saw that one of the Windows was open. While Lee was on a Sickening Safari of the Bathroom Dizzy had slipped out the Window onto the Rusty and Way Too Rickety Fire Escape. Lee poked His head out the Window to find Dizzy in the middle of a Heated Argument with a Disheveled looking Crackhead.

“I didn’t TOUCH Your fucking Shopping Cart Crackie! It was probably fucking STOLEN by one of Your Crackhead Cohorts You fucking Whack Job!” Hollered Dizzy at the Crackhead on the Street Below.

“BULLSHIT! I Know You fucked with My Cart Cracker, Your ALWAYS giving Me shit calling Me Names and Shit. You moved it because You wanna get rid of Me cuz You don’t like Me or My Associates living in Your Neighborhood!” screamed the Crackhead back at Dizzy who was preoccupied searching for something to Throw at Him.

        

“You don’t live ANYWHERE You Loiter around a CRACKHOUSE and Lurk creeping through the Streets like filthy fucking Paracites. Who the fuck do You think You are talking all this shit to Me you fucking Dope Addicted Asshole!” Dizzy Yelled back still looking for a Projectile to Launch at the stubborn Crackhead.

“GIVE ME MY CART! YOU OWE ME A CART! GET MY CART NOW YOU HONKEY MOTHERFUCKER!!” Demanded the Crackhead at the Top of His Shot Out Lungs

“FUCK OFF before I call the POLICE and You can Cop Crack in Cell Block 6 You Street Trash Crack Smoking cocksucker!” declared Dizzy Triumphantly as He Threw and Empty Pint of Wild Turkey 101 directly at the Angry Crackheads Face.

       

The Bottle flew flawlessly through the Air like a motherfucking Missile and hit the Crackhead right across the bridge of His nose. The Bottle exploded in a Shower of Glass Shards while simultaneously Breaking the Crackheads Nose. A Fountain of Blood came Gushing out of the Crackheads Nose like Niagara fucking Falls as He Collapsed to His knees. Once the Crackheads knees hit the Asphalt He instantly Slumped forward and started Wailing like a Wounded Animal. His blood collected in a growing Pool in front of Him as He sat in the middle of the street Brow Beaten and Defeated.

“Jesus Crack Smoking Christ,” exclaimed Dizzy reentered the Apartment, “Proof theres NEVER a Cop around when You need One. Thats why at the END of every Action Movie the Cops always come Charging in like the fucking Calvary AFTER THE FUCKING FACT. Mind You if I dared to take a fucking piss in an Alleyway I’d get Arrested in a fucking Heart Beat, but these Crack Smoking Sons of Bitches are allowed to Wonder wherever They want Without Issue.”

       

“Thats the Hypocrisy of the Police. Who exactly do They Protect? Who the fuck do They Serve? The fucking Government thats Who the Authoritarian Assholes.” replied Lee as He felt the same fucking way about it as Dizzy did.

“Well now that the Crackhead and the Case of the Missing Cart is Complete what I want to know is what the hell are We gonna do for the rest of the Day.” announced Dizzy rather Impatiently.

“The Best thing to do is consider Our Options I suppose.” answered Lee Honestly as He surveyed  the Stalagmites of Dust hanging from Dizzy’s ceiling which Lee thought looked like wads of Ghost Cum to Him.

        

Stay Tuned for the Next Invigorating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER 46/365

(This Sunday We return to Our usual Lee Jonitis Posts)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

The Similarity Between Serial Killers and Vigilantes

It’s No Surprise that I think of Strange shit, and Yesterday I found Myself thinking about Serial Killers. Specifically I was mentally reviewing the Behavioral Characteristics and Traits that Allow a Serial Killer to be just that  fucking Serial Killers. My Mind began to wonder (as it has a Tendency to do from Topic to Topic) I started to think about Vigilantes which isn’t such a Far Stretch in this Case since Vigilantes Reap Social Revenge/Justice  by Hunting Down Murderers such as Serial Killers and Other Criminal Scumfucks. It was when I started to think about Both Groups Simultaneously that I began to Draw certain Parallels between Them.

       

The Best way I can Explain this is simply by doing a Side by Side Comparison if You will. Now with that said let’s take a look at the Similarities between Serial Killers and Vigilantes. And when its Over You’ll see Just How Similar They Are I assure You. With that said I will be sticking to the Similarity aspects, I WILL NOT be doing the Classically Cliche Amateur Regurgitation of the Full Blown Psychological Profile of EITHER GROUP (No bullshit about Childhood, Parents, Friends, Schooling, Upbringing, Drug/Alcohol issues, Mental Health Issues, Role of Religion, Social Ramifications, Bullying, Physical/Mental/Emotional/Sexual Abuse, and No Nature Versus Nurture Theories ). I’m Not Saying that to be a Dick its just Not the Point I’m interested in, and You can Google the Usual Spiel so it’s Not like Your missing Anything.

       

Let’s Start with Serial Killers Shall We?! What permits a Serial Killer to Kill isn’t What They might Posses such as Schizophrenia for Example, but in What They Lack instead. Serial Killers can Do What They Do (Torture, Rape, Murder, Mutilate etc.) is due to the Fact to Their Lack of Key Human Emotions. Serial Killers are Void of Empathy, Sympathy, Concern, or Caring for Others They don’t see Their Victims as People, but as Objects to Indulge Their Sick Desires. They also Lack Remorse or Guilt so Killing an Entire Family and Eating Their Brains is NO DIFFERENT than Doing the Dishes it MEANS NOTHING TO THEM.

       

Serial Killers unlike Other Murderers (like Mass Murderers or Psychopaths) is They seem to have 2 Specific Type of Victim Profile that They adhere too. The First is Physical Attributes of the desired Victim such as Male/Female, Hair Color, Physical Likeness to Someone significant in the Serial Killer’s Life (Past or Present). The Second is the Serial Killers will Target a Demographic like the Homeless or Prostitutes due to the Serial Killer’s Personal Views on Said Group in Society. The Point is Serial Killers are Killing to Prove Their Point to the World/Society/Humanity or They’re  Slaughtering just to Satisfy Their Uncontrollable Homicidal Blood Lust.

        

Now as for Vigilantes there’s Obviously a HUGE fucking Difference between Vigilantes and Serial Killers in WHO They Kill. Serial Killers are Predators that Prey on the Innocent while Vigilantes Prey on the Predators. The Question would be WHY do Vigilantes Kill? What I’m saying is Most Everyone agrees that Serial Killers are Evil Motherfuckers, and it Seriously Sucks Scrotum that They Exist.

        

So what Motivates a Vigilante to Not Only Acknowledge the Problem, But to then Take Up Arms and Launch a Personal One Person War against it? How can Vigilantes Cross the Line between Hero to Villain and Back Again? And Since Vigilantes are Criminals Themselves because They commit Homicide WHY do People/Society in General give Them a Free Pass when the Law or Judgement?

       

Those are Pertinent Questions and Here are the Pertinent Answers. How can a Vigilante feel No Remorse, Regret or Guilt Killing a Criminal when They Absolutely would if say They hit and Killed a Pedestrian while Driving? While Serial Killers are People Incapable of Learning to Love Vigilantes are People who ARE Capable of Learning to Hate. A Vigilante can Learn to Hate at Levels that so called Regular People couldn’t even begin to fucking Fathom. A Vigilante can Lear to Hate to the Point where They can Kill what They Hate, and if You Hate something that fucking much You Don’t feel Remorse, Regret or Guilt. And a Lack of Remorse, Regret, or Guilt is EXACTLY what enables BOTH a Serial Killer AND a Vigilante to Kill with a Conscious.

        

As Far as People or Society is concerned (and even Law Enforcement) Serial Killers are Demonized because They Kill the Innocent indiscriminately while Vigilantes are Exhausted because They Kill with a Nobel Purpose. Everyone knows Our Legal and Prison Systems are fucked beyond belief, and there’s an Overwhelming amount of Horrible shit in the Daily News that it makes People Clinically Depressed. So It’s reassuring to People that there ARE some of Us willing to do the Dirty Work of Cleaning Up After the Failures of an Unjust Legal System. And Let’s Face it People are Vengeful Creatures and Thus They Love Revenge which is Embodied by/in Vigilantes.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

FYB’s Wednesday Midnight Mid Week Movie: The Day

FYB is Proud to Feature The Post Apocalyptic Action Thriller  THE DAY Written by Luke Passmore and Directed by Doug Aarniokoski!!!

THE DAY is a Splendid Indi Action Thriller that Proves You Don’t Need to be a Summer Blockbuster or to Feature an Excessively Overpaid Movie Stars, or a 2 Hour CGI Orgy like Micheal fucking Bay to make an Excellent Film. All You Need in The End is a Well Written Script, Great Actors, and a Little Artistic Creativity to make a Kick Ass Movie.

   

The Odd Thing I find utterly fucking Fascinating fact as You will see in the Opening Credits this Suburb Indie Survival Film is Bank Rolled by WWE Studios (Yes The Wrestling People), BUT unlike They’re usual Big Budget Hollywood Movies this Movie was made on a Significantly Smaller Budget. Also Unlike the Usual WWE Movie Fare its not a Action Comedy Featuring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, a Shoot’em Up Action Movie Starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, or a Straight Up Horror Movie with Kane in the Lead Role. In Fact the Cats of The Day are virtual Unknowns which is Perfectly Fine by Me (I don’t care How Much Movie Studios Pay just for a Famous Face).

Plot Summery: What Happens when a Small Rag Tag Group of Survivors Navigating the Perils of a Post Apocalyptic World take in a New Member with a Dark Secret, and then find Themselves Trapped in an Isolated Farm House that’s Under Siege by a Tribe of VICIOUS BLOOD THIRSTY CANNIBALS?!

       

In Spite of having the Odds Stacked against Them, and Being Outnumbered The Scrappy Group of Survivors will Fight to The DEATH to Stay off The Menu. Will  Anyone Survive the SLAUGHTER and See the Light of Day? Are the Group of Survivors Destined to End Up on  The Cannibal’s Diner Plate? And What is the Dark Secret that the Newest Group Member Hiding and Why?

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MOVIE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Enjoy.

WE Hope You Enjoyed Tonights Tale of Survival and Slaughter as Much as We did.

Thanks for Watching,

  Presented by Les Sober

Hey Heads Up…

I didn’t want to Leave Our Readers Hanging (which Sucks I know) so I’m taking a minute to let Our Readers know what’s going on Currently. My Brother (who I see once a Year for 3 to 4 days) is in Town visiting which was a Pleasant Surprise as They Say.

Apparently My Brother and His Wife needed to get Out of The Big City and Decompress so They planned a rather Impromptu Trip Down to The Woods, and will be Here for a Whole Week. I know since He came into Town I have been Negligent on FYB’s Daily Posting for which I Apologize. I assure You once My brother returns to The Big City things will be Back on Track, and FYB Daily Posting will Return.

Thanks for Reading,

Sincerely,

  Les Sober

Animation Abominations: METACHAOS and HELL

Animation has Gone Far Beyond the Classic Limitations of Cartoon Animation  Ascending to Whole New Levels of Creativity and Ingenuity. We are Fans of the Following Talented Animators and wanted to give Our Readers/Viewers (whichever the case may be) a Chance to Lay Your Eyes Upon some of Their Perspective Work. Enjoy.

METACHAOS  by Alessandro Bavari

Bavari Explains His work METACHOAS in the Following Way:

“Metachaos, from Greek Meta (beyond) and Chaos (the abyss where the eternally-formless state of the universe hides), indicates a primordial shape of ameba, which lacks in precise morphology, and it is characterized by mutation and mitosis. In fact the bodies represented in METACHAOS, even though they are characterized by an apparently anthropomorphous appearance, in reality they are without identity and conscience. They exist confined in a spaceless and timeless state, an hostile and decadent hyperuranium where a fortress, in perpetual movement, dominates the landscape in defense of a supercelestial, harmonic but fragile parallel dimension. In its destructive instinct of violating the dimensional limbo, the mutant horde penetrates the intimacy of the fortress, laying siege like a virus. Similar to the balance of a philological continuum in human species, bringing the status of things back to the primordial broth.

METACHAOS is a multidisciplinary audio-visual project, articulated in a short film, a set of photography and mix-technique paintings. The purpose of the project is to represent the most tragic aspects of the human nature and of its motion, such as war, madness, social change and hate.”

WARNING: Some Viewers May Find The Following Videos to Contain Imagery or Content that Some Viewers May find Upsetting, Unsettling, Unnerving, Disturbing, Troubling, Objectionable, or Offensive. Please Enjoy.

For those Who May Be Unaware We Here at FYB are Serious Fans of David Firth So We Decided to Delve Deeper into Firth’s Horrific Body of Work.

The Only Way We could Describe Firth’s “Hell” is to use a Quote from Firth Himself pertaining to His Work:

“It’s a Nightmarish Stream Of Conscience” -David Firth

Please Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed That Dark Double Dose of  Derangement from  Alessandro Bavari and David Firth as much as We Did. And as Always Thanks for Watching.

 Presented By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (44/365)

The Walls of Dizzy’s cramped Apartment were caked in layers of overlapping Dust combined with an ample amount of Dirt. The Light coming through the Windows had an Oddly Orange Tinge to it from the Thick Layers of Cigarette Smoke that had Coated the Glass over time. Dizzy had wildly plastered a Handful of Posters across the Dingy Walls in a Extremely Manic Fashion.

There was a Promotional Poster for Budweiser complete with the Trade Mark Clydesdale Horses bounding through the Snow with the Budweiser Wagon in Tow. There was a Black Light Poster of an Alien Smoking Pot using an Astronaut’s Helmet as an Impromptu Intergalactic Bong. Then there was the Poster of the Self Proclaimed Devil Worshipping DJ MC SATANIC D eating Dinner Outside while fondly looking at Trump (and His Administration) Impaled on Wooden Pikes. Obviously the Poster had been a Tribute of Sorts or Paying Morbid Homage to The Historical and Homicidal  Vlad The Impaler.

       

Across from the Large Windows on the Opposite side of the Apparent was a Small make shift Kitchen straight out of Any Collage Dorm USA. There was a Mini Fridge that Housed nothing but Beer. There was Microwave perched on Top of the Mini Fridge that looked like if You ate anything that came out of it You’d contract a Super Strain of E-Coli and Literally Shit Yourself Inside Out. There was a Sink and Counter combo that looked like it had been Stolen Out of a Classic Vintage Volkswagen RV or Perhaps Salvaged from a Mobile Home Trailer Fire.

Lee got off the Crap Covered  Couch and started to walk around the Cluttered Confines  of the Apartment looking for the Bathroom as the Vast Amounts of Beer He had consumed earlier was Battering the Hell out of His Bladder. Lee located the Bathroom without issue and having once Entered the Bathroom Lee really wished to Hell He Hadn’t. The Bathroom was Unbelievably Horrible and Seriously Sickening. It was so Bad it made a fucking Truck Stop Restroom look like a Sterile Operating Room by Comparison.

The Bathroom Fan was Broken and there wasn’t a Window so there was No Ventilation so entering the Bathroom the First thing Lee had to deal with was Stagnant Staleness in the Air. The Bathroom Sink smelled like a fucking Arena Urinal from all of Dizzy’s intoxicated and fucked up Friends Pissing in it rather using the Toilet. The Mirror above the Sink had been Smashed by Either a Person’s Fist or Face, but it was impossible to tell at this Point though there were still trace amounts of Blood on it.

        

The Toilet which had once been Sterling White was now an  Industrial Shade of Grey Tagged with a Slew of Black Streaks of Varying size. It appeared at Some Point Someone who more than likely was Intoxicated came into the Bathroom probably wearing Boots, and for some reason took Acceptation to the Toilet and Tried to Kick it into Pieces. Alas Due to being  Intoxicated the Angry Assailant’s Kicks couldn’t actually connect with the Toilet to cause any real Damage. It Appeared that Instead the Furious Kicks just Scuffed the Toilet as They Glanced Off over and over.

Lee strode up to the Toilet, unzipped His Fly, whipped His pecker Out, and Noticed a Hand Written Sign stuck on the Wall above the Toilet with a piece of Black Electrical Tape. The Writing Scrawled on the Paper read “HEY YOU ASSHOLE! DON’T FLUSH YOUR PUSSY PLUGS, DEPOSIT IN TUB.” Lee could only assume the Term Pussy Plug was a Crude reference to Tampons, and He immediately Zipped Up and Walked out of the Bathroom without even Using it (or looking behind the Tattered Scum Coated Shower Curtin).

Be Sure To Tune In Next Week for The Next Insanity Laced Installment of………

LEE  JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (45/365)

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober (12:46am)

Cartoons That Aren’t For Children: Salad Fingers FULL SERIES

FYB has Previously Posted The Animated Short “Salad Fingers Rusty Spoons” By David Firth Which was Taken Down Due to Copyright Issue. Recently it came to Our Attention that Salad Fingers is in Fact a COMPLETE 11 EPISODE SERIES (Including Rusty Spoons). So What did We Decide to Do?!

Well You Guessed it We’re Posting Salad Fingers Episodes (1-11) in Their Entirety.

Welcome One and All to the Debut of FYB’s Theater of the Absurd!

Please Engage Your Suspension of Disbelief, Leave all Logic Behind, Rid Yourself of Rational Thought, and Open Your Mind Without Question.

This Little Diddy was Brought to Our Attention by Our Dear Friend N@P, and We couldn’t be more Thankful.

Sit Back, Relax, Go fucking Insane, and ENJOY.

LADIES & GERMS FYB is Proud to Present to You………

WARNING (To Cover Our Ass): If You Let Your Children Watch The Following Series Even With Your Supervision THEN DON’T BOTHER US IF THEY START ACTING “UNUSUAL” OR “STRANGE”. You’ve Been Warned so it’s NO LONGER OUR ISSUE.

Hope You Enjoyed The Salad Fingers Saga as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented by Les Sober

FYB’s Friday Midnight Movie: Multiple Maniacs (1970)

Tonight FYB is Proud to Present John Water’s Black Comedy Horror Film “MULTIPLE MANIACS”!!!

The Movie  Cult Classic MULTIPLE MANIACS was  Composed, Filmed, Edited, Written, Produced, and Directed by  Indie Film Icon and the so called KING OF FILTH  John Waters!!!  MULTIPLE MANIACS one of Waters’s Earlier Films and, it was also His Second Feature Length Film. Waters Became Prominent in the 1970’s for His Transgressive Cult Films.

        

Waters Early Films were CAMPY Movies that Presented EXAGGERATED Characters in OUTRAGEOUS Situations with HYPERBOLIC DIALOGUE. They also Railed Hard Against the Boundaries of Conventional Propriety and Movie Censorship. Waters Films have Landed Him in Court 53 Times on Obscenity Charges during His Early Career. Waters has Stated that He takes an Equal amount of Joy and Influence from High-Brow “Art” Films and Sleazy Exploitation Films alike. The Title MULTIPLE MANIACS is Waters Tribute to The Godfather of Gore Herschel Gordon Lewis (Who’s Movie THE WIZARD OF GORE was Happily Posted Previously on FYB!)

        

Polt Summery: Divine Owns and Operates a Free Show know as The CAVALCADE OF PERVERSION an Exhibition of Various PERVERSIONS,  FETISH Acts, and OBSCENITIES like “The Puke Eater” for Example.

At the End of Every Show, Divine comes out and Robs the Audience at Gunpoint, BUT when Divine becomes Bored with Plain Old Strong Arm Robbery She decides to MURDER THE AUDIENCE instead of just Robbing Them.

Unfortunately for Divine Her Lover Mr. David is Unfaithful. Tipped off by a Local Bartender Divine sets off in a Rage to Confront Her the Cheating Mr.David., BUT She is Attacked along the Way by Two Glue Sniffing Low Life Punks.

        

While Divine is contemplating Her Attack THE INFANT OF PRAGUE appears and takes Her to a Near by Church to Pray. As Divine is Praying She is Seduced by a Strange Young Woman, and end up having a Sexual Encounter in one of the Church Pews. During Their Sexual Liaison The Strange Woman sticks a Rosary up Divines Ass while simultaneously Describing the Stations of the Cross.

The New Lovers head out to Hunt Down Mr. David and His Mistress to Kill Them both Once and For All, Yet Mr David and His Mistress have already Fled having Realized Their Only way to Survive is to Kill Divine. This Leads the Characters into One HELL OF A VIOLENT STAND OFF SHOW DOWN KILL FILLED SPECTACULAR!

After the Showdown an Exhausted Divine collapses onto a Couch and is then Raped by a GIANT LOBSTER Named LOBSTORA. Then Divine mumbles “You’re a Maniac Now, Divine” as She wrecks a Car, and then sets out Wandering the Streets of Baltimore Killing Everyone She Possible Can. This leads to the Arrival of the National Guard who Surround Divine and……Well You’ll have to Wait and See!

       

WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING FILMS CONTAINS SEENS OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND STRONG SEXUAL SUBJECT MATTER THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE, OBJECTIONABLE, DISTURBING, REVOLTING, SICKENING OR UNNERVING. AS ALWAYS AT FYB: VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED. FYB BELIEVES NO ONE UNDER THE AGE OF 21 SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO VIEW THIS FILM EVEN WITH ADULT SUPERVISION. Enjoy.

We Hope to You Enjoyed Tonights Midnight Madness and Freaky Film as much as We Did. Goodnight and Sleep Tight.

Thanks for Reading/Viewing,

  Presented By Les Sober

Virginia’s Most Notorious Urban Legend: The Bunnyman

The Following Newspaper Article was Published in The Washington Post on October 22, 1970.

MAN IN BUNNY SUIT SOUGHT IN FAIRFAX

“Fairfax County Police said yesterday they are looking for a Man who likes to wear a “White Bunny Rabbit Costume” and Throws Hatchets through Car Windows. Honest.

Air Force Academy Cadet Robert Bennett told the Police shortly after Midnight last Sunday He and His Fiancée were sitting in a Car in the 5400 block of Guinea Road when a Man “Dressed in a white suit with long Bunny Ears” ran from the nearby bushes and shouted: “You’re on Private Property and I have Your Tag Number.”

The “Rabbit” threw a Wooden-Handled Hatchet through the right front car window, the first-year Cadet told the Police. As soon as he threw the Hatchet, the “Rabbit” skipped off into the Night, Police said. Bennett and His Fiancee were not injured.

Police say they have the Hatchet, but no other clues in the case. They say Bennett was visiting an Uncle, who lives across the street from the spot where the car was Parked. The Cadet was in the area to attend last weekend’s Air Force-Navy Football Game.”

       

The Bunnyman is MOST often seen in Secluded Locations in Fairfax County Virginia though He has been Spotted Through Out the Entire State of Virginia. It is Believed The BUnnyman’s Primary Territory is the Area surrounding the Bridge (Known as The Bunnyman Bridge) along the W&OD Railroad Tracks. Some Say in the 1800’s 2 Mental Patients Escaped from a Near By Mental Asylum. One Patient was found a few Days Later Hanging from a Tree, the Other Patient was NEVER seen Again. Was this the Origin of the Legendary Bunnyman and if so What accounts for the Modern Day sightings in the 1970’s and 1980’s? Is it a Copy Cat or Possibly the Cursed Spirit of Bunnyman doomed to Roam the Earth wreaking Havoc on Virginia for all Eternity?! No One knows and probably NEVER will.

       

Reports of the Infamous Bunnyman first began in the 1970’s where Usually a Person in a White Bunny Costume carrying an Hatchet/Ax Scarring or Threatening Children or in some Cases Vandalizing Property.

By the 1980’s though the Bunnyman had Evolved into an Evil Entity Hell Bent on Murder who according to Most had committed SEVERAL BRUTALLY GRUESOME MURDERS Already. In one Story Bunnyman Allegedly Butchered His Entire Family before Fleeing into the Deepest, Darkest Parts of the Surrounding Forrest.

       

Brian A. Conly a Historian-Archivist working at the Fairfax County Library wrote a Summery of University of Maryland Patricia Johnson’s Paper on the Folklore of The Bunnymansimply titled “The Bunnyman” were She had interviewed 33 Locals to get Their accounts of The Bunnyman Phenomenon. Cony’s Summation is as Follows:

  • . 14 Different Geographic Locations for Bunnyman Encounters (Mostly in Virginia) are Mentioned.
  • 18 Encounters Involve The Bunnyman Chasing or Frightening People, Usually Children, with a Hatchet or Ax.
  • 14 Encounters report an Attack on a Cars.
  • 9 Witnesses/Victims claim Bunyman Attacked a Couple in a Parked Car.
  • 5 Witnesses/Victim’s accuse The Bunnyman of Vandalism on Homes or Buildings.
  • Only 3 instances Mention Murder/Murders allegedly committed by The Bunnyman.

       

So is The Bunnyman just a Eccentric Prankster? Is The Bunnyman just an ongoing Virginian Hoax? Is the Bunnyman a Blood Thirsty Murderer? Is Bunnyman an Evil  Supernatural Spirit still Roaming around in Virginia? Could Bunnyman possibly a yet Undiscovered Cryptid or could it be Bunnyman is just the Star of another Urban Legend We will mostly likely NEVER Know the Truth behind Virginia’s Illusive Bunnyman.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

FYB Update: A Glimpse Behind The Cloak Part 2: Next Stop The Great Southern Swamp

So Once the Car Crash Chaos finally Calmed Down We were able to Hit the Road out of the Woods headed straight towards the Great Southern Swamp. Though We ended up leaving 3 fucking Horus behind Schedule (I hate being Late its a Pet fucking Peave of Mine) it was Mostly My fault I must Admit. I would go to do Something only to get Distracted along the Way thus Wasting a great deal of Time chasing My own damn Tail as it were.

In All Actuality I can’t complain I mean obviously I could be an Asshole of the Highest Order and Nit Pick something to Bitch about, But why the Hell do that?! Once We left it was smooth fucking Sailing all the Way No Shitty Weather, Traffic Jams, Road Construction, Road Delays, Accidents, Rush Hour Issues, and No Stupid Motherfuckers sitting at a Dead Stop in the Middle the Road (on a Blind Curve ) while Stealing Shit to Deal with it was Damn near Perfect.

Since We weren’t going to get to Where We needed to be until much Later then expected We decided not to get Pissed about it, and instead take Advantage of it by taking Our Sweet Ass Time. Fuck the Runaround, Rushing About, and the Rat Race fuck Them all. It was nice I have to admit not to be so Constricted by the Concept of Time it was quite fucking Peaceful.

        

We got a Good Nights Sleep and a Chance to Sleep in which is always Nice. After milling around Drinking Coffee to No End My Wife and I met up with Her Best Friend Dozie (and a Good Friend and Ex-Coworker of Mine). The first Order of Business was Lunch as Dozie was just getting off Work by the Time We were ready to Venture Out into the Surrounding Swamp. Since We live Deep in the Woods of The Southern Country We don’t have Certain things You can find Pretty much anywhere fucking Else, and in this Case it was a Deli. No Deli’s in the Boondocks I am afraid to Say.

After Lunch We rather Aimlessly Rode around Town checking out How Our Old Stomping Ground had Changed or Evolved since We got the Hell out of the Breath Southern Swamp. We also made Several purchases of Other Hard to Locate Living in No Man’s Land Items along the Way as Well figuring Why waste a Perfectly Good Opportunity?!  As the Day Faded Away into the Oncoming Dark Night My Wife, Dozie, and I prepared Ourselves for a Evening out at The Eagles Our Long Time Favorite Local Dive Bar.

What Dozie was unaware of was that Over Time My Wife and I found a Following of Friendly People who Adore the shit Out of Us especially since We moved several Years Ago. My Wife dropped Me off at the Eagles and went to run to the Bank or some last minute mundane Task, and I went in ahead of Her and Dozie.

.       

The First Person I ran into is a Gentleman Named Hatchet who instantly as He always does (and has for fucking Years) Yelled at the top of his fucking Lungs “HEY IT’S JESUS!”, and Then precedes to Shake My Hand and inadvertently fucking Break it with Drunken Excitement. Now Why Does He Refer to Me as Jesus? Why is My Nickname in General at the Eagles Jesus? Well I’ll leave it Up to You to figure that one Out.

During the Course of the Night I got to visit with My Favorite Eagles Bar Tender of all Fucking Time Audry who ironically was Tending Bar that Night. The New Bar Tender was alright She didn’t neglect anyone or Drag Her Ass in any way, but there was still that awkward Unfamiliarity hanging in the Air like a Lingering Fart. I got to See the Cast of Usual Suspects and Especially My Best Friend Mr. Percy most of All. It was a rather Lively Night at the Eagles which can be quite Low Key when it wants to be. There was Endless Rounds of Jello Shots, Chaotic Karaoke, and Some Alcohol Fueled and Related Auction for All Kinds of Random shit. There was like Your Basic Gift Basket, but Mostly it was Bottles of Booze or Heavily Booze Laced Desserts/Cakes, and the Fireball was Flowing Freely.

       

The Following Morning I woke up Nice and Early just so I could have the Pleasure of Puking. You know You’ve Partied Your Ass Off to Capacity when You Vomit During OR at The End of the Night. If You wake up and the First fucking thing You do is Vomit You know Last Night You abused the Hell Out of Your Liver, and More than likely You Damn Near did Your Liver in Once and For All. It’s one of Those Times where You wake Up, and say to Yourself Well I may Not be Quitting Drinking for Good, But I am for Quite a While.It’s the type of Hangover that Even when it’s Over it Still Haunts Your Memory.

A Little Later on that Pleasantly Sunny Morning My Wife and I had Brunch with Her Aunt and Uncle along with My Wife’s Younger Cousin and His Wife. Considering the Previous Nights Over Indulgence on My part this Brunch was Particularly Brutal just to Get Through. My Head was Fuzzy, My  Eyes were Blurry, and I My Mind was Muddled as a Motherfucker Let Me Tell You. Weirdly at the Same Time it was really Pleasant on some Sick Level I suppose because all said and Done I ultimately enjoyed Myself.

       

The Restaurant We ate at was a Bit Too Fancy For Me as I’m so fucking LOW Maintenance its an Ongoing Joke.I went with the Family Flow and Ordered a 3 Course Lunch with Various Options in the Appetizer/Main Course/ Dessert Something or Other. The Appetizer I opted for Honestly was the Only fucking Option that sounded like anything I would actually Eat which was Black Bean and Bacon Soup. Did I mention How Hungover I was because that Soup was HEAVY AS FUCK! I mean while it Tasted Splendid as soon as it Landed in Your Stomach it Apparently turns into Instant Cement or at Least thats what fucking Felt Like. The Main Course was Fish so it was Delightful and Light on the Stomach which was still Reeling from the Dense Soup Scenario. The Dessert Deal turned out to be a Selection of Desserts in fucking Shot Glasses which I’m rather Ambivalent about, but thats just Me.

After the Meal was Over Everyone went Their different Ways, and My Wife and I circled around Back to Base Camp. My Wife spent Her time productively Completing Her Continuing Education Courses/Credits for this Year while I on the Other Hand took a Well Needed Nap to Fully Regain My Faculties. It was by by Definition a Power Nap as I awoke Feeling like My Normal fucking Self Again, I was Resurrected in the Land of the Living.

       

We reconvened that evening around 6 pm when I noticed that a Couple We Knew and were Good Friends with had Texted Us to see if We’d like to stop by Their House for Dinner, and to See the Puppy of Ours They Adopted a Year Back. I would like to take a second to acknowledge that Derrick and Terri are Great Owners, But Bernie (The Dog) turned out to be a Great Dog. Well Behaved, No Bad Habits, Listens to His Owners Etc.

I immediately conferred with my Wife and Texted Derrick and Terri back with an Enthusiastic Hell’s Yes. Unfortunately it turned Out Derrick had been doing Roofing Work that Day, and as Roofing goes He fucked up His Back pretty Bad. So Poor fucking Derrick had to Bail on Dinner to tend to His Beat Up Back, But We still stopped by and Saw Terri ad Bernie, Hung out for a while, Shot the Shit, had a Few Beers, and Laughed a lot. After Our visit We headed over to the Eagles once again to meet up with Mr. Percy and Thank God it was a much Slower Night at The Eagles. I was Happy because the other Night had been Fun as fuck sometimes Relaxing over a Few Drinks beats Partying until Dawn.

       

We Left the Following Morning after having Breakfast with My Wife’s Older Cousin who was in Town. We Managed to Stay on Schedule this time around and made Great Time.  I honestly was a Little Impressed I must say. Again We were lucky as Hell not to have had to Deal with any Traffic/Road Issues like Holiday Traffic or Weekend Traffic for Example. Needless to say it was Splendid Not getting Stuck in some Aggravating bullshit along the Way. I enjoy the Ride because it’s Familiar, BUT Not to the Point of  Monotony. This is a Very fucking Difficult Balance to Achieve None the Less Maintain the Test of Time. I find Boredom Deplorable and Truly Hellish in Many Ways so this Delicate Balance is Especially Important in My Mind.

Since We returned Home to the Woods much Earlier than Ever be for decided if We could Pick Up Our Big Dogs Tonight instead of having Wait till After Work the Following Day. It Save Us both Time and Money which I am Always in Favor of.  It would just so Happen that even though it was well After Hours the Guy We Board with was willing to Stay Late and gave Us His Cell Number. We called and of course He said come on by which means see You in 45 minutes because again We live in the Middle of No Where Special. We managed to pick up the Big Dogs without to much Hyper Dog Drama except for When Big Dad Dog came flying cross the Front Desk into the Waiting Room.

     

Once We got Home Everyone Hit the Couch and fucking CRASHED being utterly Worn Out and Thoroughly Exhausted from Our Venture. Road Trips are fucking Fun, But at the same Time there’s Nothing Like Returning Home.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober