July 2020 – f-your blog

The Tale Of The Lazy Boy Lucifer

I’ve lived out here in the Woods by the Lake for Ongoing 5 Years Now and I have seem some seriously Strange Shit Believe You Me. Now Living this Far Out in the Woods We don’t have certain things that Most People take for Granted such as Street Lights, Sidewalks, Fire Hydrants, City Water, and Trash Pick Up. The Last one is the Real Big Bitch of the Bunch since Not only do You have to Periodically haul Your Regular Household Garbage to the Dump, but Everything Else as Well Such as Old Furniture, Mattresses, Yard Debris and All Other Extraneous Shit.

You do have the Option of Paying for a Private Trash Removal Company to come Each Week and take Your Trash, But since They don’t work for the County You have to Pay Them Out of Pocket for the Service. And if You’re thinking that They might take advantage of the Situation and Exploit the hell out of People for Profit You’d be Absolutely Right. So Needless to say I know of Only one Household around My way that Pays for Trash Pick Up.

Since the Day We first Moved in I had Noticed one of Our Neighbors a few Blocks Down the Road from Us had a rather Odd ongoing Habit. Don’t get Me wrong these are Decent People They aren’tWhite Trash by Any Means They don’t have Cars Lying around Their Property Rusting into fucking Oblivion, There aren’t any Household Appliances on the Porch (like a Washing or Dryer Machine), The Yard is Mowed Regularly so it’s Not Overgrown or Plagued by Weeds, and the House is a Pleasant Looking One Story Brick Ranch with a Relatively New Roof. Thus for All Intents and Purposes it looks so Generic and Normal that on Any Given Day No One would give it a Second Thought. I would fall into this Category Myself if it weren’t for the Fact I noticed (and then became a bit obsessed over) the Chair Phenomenon.

These Particular Neighbors would Randomly without Rhyme or Reason Put a Living Room or Similar Type Chair Outside on Their Front Yard. This again isn’t a just Throw the fucker on the Front Lawn as there is Apparently a Method to this Madness. The Chairs are always placed in the EXACT same spot each and every time without Fail. If Your standing in the Street and Facing the House the Spot is the Lower Left Corner of the Front Yard as Far from the House as Humanly Possible. The Chairs sit just inches from the Actual Road, and in Front of a Natural Privacy Wall of Large Bushes that Separate the Property From the One Next Door.

The Chairs that have been Placed in that Designated Spot over the Years aren’t Junk by a Long Shot. All things Considered as Second Hand Chairs go These Chairs are in Decent to Good Condition they aren’t Beat to Hell, Torn or Ripped, Faded, or Missing Cushions or perhaps a Leg. In Fact they are in better condition than anything one might find at Goodwill or Habitat for Humanity’s Restores. Honestly there been a few Chairs that I actually in all Honesty thought to Myself “Damn if I needed a Chair or Knew someone who did I’d take this Fucker right here.”

There are Never a Sign like FREE, TRASH, or FOR TRASH PICKUP so I just came to assume that if Someone could use it They simply would take it. As time went on if the Chair continues to Sit out in the Sun, Wind, and Rain along with the Local Wildlife as well as Bugs/Insects collecting Dirt and Mildew I figured Someone in the Area would get fed up with Driving past and seeing the Particular Chair Rotting Away, and took it Upon themselves to Dispose of It (a sort of “Well if They aren’t going to do shit I don’t want to have to keep looking at this Eyesore.”).

Again the Different Chairs Sudden Appearance and Subsequent Disappearance Devoid of Any Reason that I can Tell of slowly began to Evolve from Mild Curiosity to Full Blown Full On Fascination. I couldn’t determine Why this Occurrence was Happening or Why it was Occurring. Who has so many Chairs to Discard in the First Place? Not to Mention Where the Hell where these Chairs Ending Up? And Most Important of all the Questions/Factors Who the Hell was Responsible for The Numerous Chairs Eventually Inevitable Disappearance?! So Many Questions and Not a Single Answer or Clue. Left to My Own Devices I slowly began Developing a Theory that Answered All the Questions I had or Possible could have, and here it is.

Generations Ago this Family was Faced with a Curse of Discomfort that was Placed Upon them by an Fellow Neighbor who was Pissed that They weren’t Invited to The Family’s Annual 4th of July Cookout. The Curse Stated that No Matter what a Cursed Family Member Sat Upon be it a Living Room Chair, Couch, Stool/Bar Stool, Loveseat, Bench, Recliner, Chaise Lounge, Hassock, Rocking Chair, Settee, Futon, Daybed, or Bean Bag Chair They Would Never be Able to Get Comfortable until They Day They Died. The Reality of Living Out Their lives with Their Asses in Constant Anguish was Utterly Unbearable to the Family so They started looking for a Way to Dispel the Curse once and for All.

The Family went from Town to Town, City to City, State to State, and Every Lead They managed to Scrounge Up ended up Amounting to Jack Diddly Shit. Dismayed and Deeply Depresses the Family was on the Verge of Abandoning Their Curse Breaking Cause when They came across the Mother Load of Tips. This One Tip Blew all the Other Tips Combined completely out of the fucking Water, and The Family’s Hope was Once again Restored. It happened while the Family was in A. Hole’s Home Decor Depot in God Knows Where New Mexico. Just as the Family was about to Leave the Store Empty Handed, which They had become accustomed to, They were Approached by a Shady Looking Salesman Sporting a Sinister Smile Named Asmodeus. Asmodeus empathized with the Family’s Plight and because He did He was willing to Give the Family the Key Piece of Information that They so Desired.

Asmodeus tipped the Family off to the Whereabouts of a Last Boy Retail Outlet Hidden so Deep in a Dark Corner of an Appellation Mountain Vally that The Locals Denied its Very Existence. There at the Mysterious Lazy Boy Outlet The Family would find the Man They had been Seeking for Decades, and this Particular Man possessed the Cure to the Uncomfortable Curse. The Family set out Immediately in Search of the Illusive Lazy Boy Outlet Post Haste Their Hearts Filled with Hope. The Family Drove for what Seemed like Eternity until They Reached the Secret Access Point in the Application Mountains that would lead Them to the Mythical Lazy Boy Outlet the Menacing Salesman Spoke Of. It took the Better half of the Day to Navigate the Increasing Rough Terrain of the Appalachian Mountains, especially for the Family of Amateurs who were Unaccustomed to such Physical Toil.

At Last as the Sun was Setting far off in the Eastern Horizon the Family Exhausted and Caked in Dirt and Filth Stumbled Upon the Peculiar Ominous Lazy Boy Outlet. The Family Tentatively Entered the Dank and Shadow Filled Store being extremely Cautious in Their New Surroundings so Far from Home. The Store was Illuminated by 18th Century Oil Lamps that were Scattered Around the Store making the Dense Shadows Dance Upon the Walls and the Ceiling itself. A Thick Layer of Dust Lay upon Each and Every Surface within the confines of the Store, and Cob Webs swayed back and forth like a Body from the Gallows.

All of a Sudden a Decrepit Old Woman came Slinking forward from the Shadows to Greet The Family. The Family told the Old Hag Their Tale of Woe as She Nodded Knowingly as if She Somehow had Heard it All Before. Once the Family had Finished Their Story the Old Hag informed Them that They could in deed Break the Curse, But just like so many things in Life there were Strings Attached as Nothing is Free.

The Family was so Overcome with Excitement at Finally being rid of The Curse that when the Old Hag handed them a Clipboard with a Unknown Document Pinned to it They Signed it with Gusto not bothering to Read a single fucking word of it. Once the Old Hag had the Signed Document She informed Them that it was a Life Long Multigenerational Contract that Guaranteed the Family that the Curse was Now Broken. Not Only that but as Part of the Contract the Family would be Given the Most Decadent, Luxurious, and Decadent Lazy Boy Recliners that Man has Ever Known.

The Family Rejoiced at the Old Hag’s News as They Cheered, Laughed, Danced Around, and High Fives One Another Smiling Ear to Ear like a Bunch of Jackasses. The Old Hag waited patiently until the Family’s Fanfare had Died Down and then Informed Them of the Previously Mentioned Attached Strings that also came with the Contract. To Uphold Their End of the Contract the Family as Long as Their Bloodline continued to Walk the Earth would Periodically Sacrifice a Chair to the Lazy Boy Lucifer. And if They Failed They would be Dragged Kicking and Screaming Straight to The Household Hell which was Governed by The Lucifer of Lazy Boys. There the Family would spend Eternity as Satanic Salesmen Selling Shitty Chairs to Demons who could Never be Satisfied, and would Return to Torture the Shit Out of Them since Household Hell has a No Refund No Exchange Policy.

So Thats Obviously what is Going on with My Oddball Neighbors since its the Only Scenario that makes any sort of Sense. And Thats That Plain and Simple.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Cartoons That Aren’t For Children: TEETH

FYB is Delighted to Present the Short Horror Film TEETH By Daniel Gray and Tom Brown, and Presented by ALTER.

TEETH is the Tale of the Narrator’s Life Long Abnormal Obsession with His Teeth and How it Ultimately Affected His Entire Being. From His First Tooth at 2 1/2, and the Utter Disregard for His Teeth that He developed due to the Unpleasantness of the Teething Process.

As a Young Child He would intentionally abuse His Teeth in an Attempt to Literally Punish Them for Their Existence. At 6 1/2 the Narrator Laments that at this point though He managed to Lose His Primary Teeth They were Immediately Replaced by His Adult Teeth. The Narrator had No Interest in Dental Health Only with Sweet Sugary Foods instead.

At 11 He loses a Bicuspid in a Fight After School and finds Absolute Delight in the Gap where His Tooth Used to Be. By 48 the Narrator is continuously Losing His Teeth due the Neglect of Oral Hygiene, and at this Point He actually starts to Miss His Long Lost Teeth since it Complicates Eating (and like MOst of Us He thoroughly Enjoys Food).

Eventually The Narrator has Lost So Many of His Natural Teeth that He must get Dentures at which Time He has a Revelation. He realizes at Last the Necessary and Enjoyable Link between Eating, Teeth, Tongue and Stomach. This Moment of Clarity leads to the Narrator taking a Great Deal of Pride in His Artificial Teeth to the Point that He rearranges His Diet to Ensure They Remain Perfectly Intact and Looking Phenomenal.

The Narrator’s Fascination at the Age of 62 turns from His Teeth to Those of Various Animals who He comes to Admire for Their Dental Prowess. The Narrator decides to Build His Own set of Customized Dentures made from a Selection of Different Animals. The Animal Dentures are a Labor of Love and are finally Completed when the Narrator is 70.

Then at 71….Well You’ll have to Watch and See For Yourself.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Brought to You By

Les Sober & FYB

(Ptd 12:53am)

Tidbits For Shits and Giggles: I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK

I never understood what exactly People meant when They said “I really Identified with that Movie/Play/TV Show Etc., and I would Automatically Dismiss The Comment. That was until I saw I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK by Jake Lava, and then in a Moment of Clarity I fully Understood what People Meant on a Personal Level for the First Time.

When I was a Teenager I was rather Introverted due to Some Social Anxieties I have, and was always Referred to as Shy. This didn’t Stop Me from going to School Sporting Events, Dances, Parties, Concerts, or Group Gatherings since there was Next to Nothing to Due in My Shitty Hometown. So to Cope with these Less than Comfortable Situations I took the Cliche “If You Don’t have Anything Nice to Say Then Don’t Saying at All” and Ran with it like a Motherfucker.

At these Various Events I would hang back and Watch/Listen to everything going on Around Me, and I then would Mock, Insult, or Shit Talk what I observed or Heard in My Head to pass the Time. Unfortunately this Coping Mechanism had one Odd Side Effect which was I couldn’t help most times Laughing at the Absurdly Violent, Insulting, or Obscene Thoughts I was Having. I know some of You are like What the Fuck Laughter isn’t a fucking Side Effect because Side Effects Suck Like Explosive Diarrhea or Anal Leakage, but Laughing Who complains about that being a so called Side Effect?!

I was well aware that Some Guy standing in the Back Round or Isolating in a Corner Laughing His Ass Off would make Me look Psychotic to say the Least. I modified My Laugh so it was at the Lowest Audible Level so My Laugh was Deeply Guttural that wouldn’t Draw Too Much Attention. Imagine if a Growl fucked a Serious Belly Laugh and had a Kid that’s the Best way I can Describe it Honestly. The Only Issue was that Over Time People did begin to Notice that the Quiet Guy was Laughing to Himself, and it Sounded Very Sinister and most People found it Profoundly Unnerving.

Luckily for Me I had a Friend at the Time Named Al that would basically cover for My Bizarre Behavior. Obviously I wasn’t about to Explain the Insulting, Negative, and Obscene Thoughts I was having (about Them or the Situation) that I painted in Overtly Violent imagery on the Canvas of My Mind. Al would politely Interject His Token Explanation which was if Memory Serves Me “Don’t Mind Him He Thinks Something is Entertaining, But He’s Not About to Tell Us.” and This Seemed to Work Flawlessly.

So Sit Back and Enjoy I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK by the Talented Jake Lava.

Thanks For Reading and Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & FYB

Murderous Monday Movie – GUINEA PIG: DEVIL’S EXPERIMENT (UNCUT)

We all damn well know Mondays Well Mondays just Plain Fucking Suck. After Two Days of Freedom You’re Back on Monday a Slave to The Grind, Endless Bullshit, and Son of a Bitch Bosses. So based on the Universal Hate for all things Monday We decided to Post a Movie as Brutal as Mondays can Be.

Tonight We are Proud to Present the Infamous 1985 Japanese Short Gore Film GUINEA PIG: DEVIL’S EXPERIMENT Directed by Satoru Ogura. In Spite of the Movie’s Minuscule Run Time of 43 Minutes total most Viewers are Unable to Watch the Entire Movie (That Goes Even for Hardcore Gore/Splatter/Torture Porn Fans).

Plot Summary:

A Video Tape and a Letter are given to the Tokyo Police in a Small Discreet Envelope with No Return Address or Postal Mark. The Accompanying Letter Tells of an Experiment on Human Endurance and How Much Punishment the Human Body and Mind can Endure before Succumbing to Death. To Explore the Unknown Boundaries of Suffering and to Push the Threshold of Pain, Three Sociopathic Explorers of Anguish Abduct a Helpless Young Woman. Intent on putting Their Youthful Subject through the Seemingly Endless Ordeal of Their Sadistic Research, The Explorers use Increasingly Brutal Techniques to Test the Theoretical Limits of Human Endurance.

So Pour a Stiff Drink, Pop a Xanax, and Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed this Little Slice of Seriously fucking Sick Cinema as Much as We Did.

Presented By Les Sober & FYB

Dark Web Video Debunked: MAMA

This Video Referred to as MaMa was Allegedly a Video from the Dark Web. Now Sometimes Various Dark Web Videos borrow Clips from Non Dark Web Videos (Example: The Dark Web Video “Obey The Walrus” used Bootlegged Footage from a Performer who goes by the Name The Goddess Bunny) and This Video is One of Those. Granted without Context the Video is Seriously More Creepy and Unnerving.

The Truth Behind the Video is it’s a Movement/Motion Test for Actor Javier Botet who Plays the Ghost dubbed “MaMa” in Award Winning Mexican Filmmaker Guillermo del Toro’s Supernatural Thriller of the Same Name. Actor Javier Botet has Marfan Syndrome which Allows Him to Move in Ridiculously Creepy Ways. Marfan Syndrome is an Inherited Disorder that Affects Connective Tissue- the Fibers that Support and Anchor Your Organs and Other Structures in Your Body. The Wires in the Video are used to Manipulate Javier like a Human Marionette on Top of His already Disturbing Performance. It’s worth Noting that CGI Effects were Added to the MAMA Character though Many People Objected stating Javier Botet’s Original Performance was FAR Creepier than with the Additional CGI.

The Movie MaMa is a Haunting Tale of Two Girls (Victoria and Lilly) who Disappeared into the Woods the Day Their Parents were Killed. When the Girls are Rescued Years Later and begin a New Life, They find that Someone or Something still wants to come Tuck Them In at Night.

Below is First the MAMA Movement/Motion Test Footage Followed by a Clip from the Movie in which the Character MAMA is Revealed, and Lastly is Guillermo del Toro’s MAMA Movie Trailer #2.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

Where Ever You Go There You Are

It’s No Secret that I have a Extremely Low Opinion of the Human Race and People in General. I avoid People as much as fucking possible unless I absolutely have to Interact with Them. Recently a Friend of Mine had a Falling Out with one of Their Long Time Friends, and when I heard the Story I gave My Honest, Straight to the Point, No Holds Barred Opinion since I Don’t Pull My Punches. After We talked My Friend suggested I write a Post about it, and so here I am Doing just That.

The Backstory: My Buddy Who I will call “Bob” got a Text from His Long Time Friend I will call “Phil” who unbeknownst to Bob had totally fucked up His Life in Texas. So being one of those People that Blames Everything and Everybody for Their shitty Life, BUT THEMSELVES. That being so Phil decided to up and move to Florida. Phil believes that His moving would Magically Fix everything Wrong in His Life just by Relocating. The Problem is Phil hasn’t figured out the fact that Wherever You Go You There You Are. Point being You can’t out run Your Problems because You are the One creating the Perceived Problems, and until You work out Your issues They will stick with You no matter where the fuck You may Go.

The problem arose when after Impulsively agreeing to let Phil and His Girlfriend crash at His House Bob resized He had made a Mistake. In all due Favor Phil contacted Bob and informed Him of His Situation a mere 3 Hours before planning to arrive at Bob’s House. Phil also just fucking Assumed that Bob would Automatically let Him, His Girlfriend, and all Their Stay at His House. With COVID running amok across America, and a Wife with Pre Existing Medical Conditions Bob realized it be Far too Dangerous (not to mention Idiotic as all Hell) for Phil to Stay with Him. Bob felt bad and Offered to Pay for Phil’s Hotel Room, and Apologized Profusely for His Mistake/Lapse in Judgment, and here is the Final Text Phil sent Bob before Cutting Off all Further Communication.

“Never blamed the virus on you, but still can’t believe that we were turned away after 2 days of hell on the road. I’ve known you for almost 20 years and “Roberta”(Bob’s Wife) for almost 10 years, it’s not like I’m a total stranger. I know she (Roberta) has never met Amanda (Phil’s Girlfriend), but she is super cheerful and careful because I also have a weakened immune system. We don’t take this Virus Lightly. Can’t believe you couldn’t vouch for us after all we’ve been through and hate that you’re controlled all the time. I know the virus is scary but we were trusting you enough to stay over at your house. Evidently there was no trust in return.”

Well Holy Motherfucking Shit this Text is so Twisted and Ass Backwards I barely Know where the fuck to begin, so I’ll just Start at the Beginning.

Phil starts with the Statement that He doesn’t Blame the Virus on Bob well isn’t that fucking Nice of Him. Phil then bitches/Complains about He’s “Hellish” road trip from Texas to Florida. That has absolutely NOTHING to do with Bob at all as Bob didn’t tell You to move or to relocate to Florida that was all Phil’s doing. Phil just comes off like a whiny little Brat who gets angry if He can’t do whatever it is He wants to do which for a grown man is Utterly Pathetic to say the least.

The Next point of Phil’s about being friends with Bob for 20 years and shit is Ridiculous. If Phil was actually as Good a Friend as He apparently claims to be (not to mention for 20 fucking years) He’d understand why Bob had to change His Plan. I mean it’s just A GLOBAL PANDEMIC where America has become the Epicenter , and the Fact Phil was coming from one of the Worst COVID States in the Nation doesn’t Help His argument. That and He stopped over in Mississippi where a shit ton of People like Phil use as the Half Way Point it too is a Highly Infectious Area. The lastly Phil is traveling through Florida yet another Entire fucking State that’s a fucking Hotspot. SO to recap Phil went from Texas to a Well Used Half way stopping point for other COVIDIOTS, and then Travels through Half of Florida just to get to Bob’s House.

Talk about High fucking Risk, and as far as I know Phil nor His Girlfriend where following Coronavirus Protocol like Social Distancing or Wear a goddamn Mask. For All Anyone Knows Phil didn’t practice the recommended Safety Protocols at all, and could have encountered/Interacted/Hung Out with Who fucking knows how many People during his 48 hours on the Road. Not like Any of US was There.

Phil then makes the utterly Asinine comment that He “Isn’t a Stranger” as if that means that some how by Knowing Bob thats means Phil and His Girlfriend aren’t an High Risk Factor for Infection. The Fact Their Friends doesn’t even Factor into it, it was just a way of Phil trying to make Bob feel Guilty. Guilty for what exactly for Protecting His Wife and Himself from again A MOTHERFUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC that has KILLED over 138,ooo fucking Americans Alone?! Trying to manipulate Your Friend with Guilt to Me means They were Never a Real Friend to fucking begin with, I mean who the fuck does that Immature Childish Shit?!!

Then Phil talks about His Girlfriend who first and foremost is allegedly a Very Cheerful Person. Oh I’m fucking Sorry is being fucking Cheerful a Coronavirus Deterrent, NO IT FUCKING ISN’T. Phil’s Girlfriend’s cheerfulness is a COMPLETELY MOOT POINT as it means fuck all in this Situation. Then Phil say His Girlfriend is Careful, and I’m calling BULLSHIT BIGT IME on that Stupid Statement. If She was in Fact Careful then She would have stayed Self Quarantined in Texas, and Not Travel 2 Days across some of the Most Infected fucking Areas there are Currently. She would have realized the UNNECESSARY and Dangerous Risk a Trip like that would Pose. Traveling was the RISKIEST thing to do during a fucking Global Pandemic, and the Safest would to be to Stay Put and Self Quarantine. Careful My Ass.

Phil then adds to the Idiocy buy saying that He has a Weakened Immune System or Pre Exisiting Condition which make Him at the Highest Rick of Coronavirus Infection. Again with a weakened Immune system WHY THE FUCK would You take a 2 Day Road Trip? That makes ZERO SENSE and was an Incredible Stupid thing to do. Also if His Girlfriend was careful She would have NEVER allowed Him to Leave, BUT She didn’t She went with Him. Phil then has the balls to claim that He and His Girlfriend don’t take the Virus Lightly well Again We see Phil’s Actions are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what He’s Claiming. Not to Beat a Dead Horse, BUT taking a fucking Road Trip currently IS THE GODDAMN EPITOME of taking it Lightly.

The Phil mentions Bob not Vouching for Him, but Vouching for what Exactly?! Vouching that Phil is Trustworthy, a Good Employee, or that He’s COVID Free in spite of the Extenuating Circumstances?! There’s No fucking Context so the whole Vouching For deal is Nonsensical Horseshit. Then Phil claims that Bob is “Controlled all the Time” whatever the fuck that means. What Bob is being controlled by Aliens, Evil Spirits, The New World Order, The Military, The Government, CIA, or Some Evil Entity?! Serious what the fuck is Phil babbling about here I have No fucking Idea I just know its 100% Irrelevant to the Conversation.

Finally right at the very fucking end of His Lengthy Text Phil admits or Acknowledges that the Coronavirus is indeed Scary. Well thats News to Me since Phil’s Actions Speak FAR LOUDER than His Feeble Words. Then all of a Sudden Phil Says “We Were Trusting You to Stay at Your House” like Bob, His Wife or His House was the Safety Issue?! It’s Phil and His Girlfriend that Pose the Threat to Bob and His Wife, Yet Phil seems to be trying some Role Reversal Tactic which is a SERIOUS PUNKASS BITCH OF A MOVE. Then Phil goes back to attempting to Guilt Bob with the last line pertaining to Trust.

Phil has the fucking Nerve to bring up the Subject of Trust? If I was Friends with Someone for 20 fucking Years I’d Trust though They may be Disappointed They would TOTALLY UNDERSTAND Why. The Fact Phil is Bitching, Guilt Tripping, and All Out Arguing the Facts around the Pandemic thats Affecting goddamn Everything (Not just Phil although He seems to Feel He is the Only Asshole on the Planet. Hey Phil YOUR NOT ALONE) just make Phil look like a Really Shitty Friend. Phil is being so Shitty over the Situation most People would immediately reconsider Their Friendship with Phil. Who wants a So Called Friend that Acts like an ABSOLUTE AND UTTER SELFISH SELF CENTERED FUCKWIT??? Phil need to get the fuck Over Himself, Man Up, and Take Responsibility for His Life Not Running Around picking Fights with His Friends for Fuck’s Sake.

More Proof People are fucking Idiots. I seriously wonder Sometimes how the hell Humanity has made it this fucking Far without Going Extinct due to Our Own Mistakes, Behavior, and Overall Shitty Attitude. We Pollute the Water, Air and Land while Killing Off Entire Species, and Constantly Trying to Kill Each other its Amazing Humanity has somehow (I assume due to Dumb Luck) hasn’t Gone the Way of the Dinosaurs.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Michael Myers: Absolute Evil (An Original Fan Film)

FYB is Thrilled to Present MICHAEL MYERS: ABSOLUTE EVIL a Faux-Documentary Fan Film Written and Directed By Rick Gawel. A Fan Film is a Film or Video Inspired by a Movie, TV Program/Show, Graphic Novel, Book, Video Game, or Comic Book Created by Fans rather than the Source’s Copyright Holders or Creators. Fan Films Vary tremendously in Quality, as well as Length, from SHort Faux-Teaser Trailers for Non-Existent Motion Pictures to Full-Length Motion Movies.

Plot Summary:

Michael Myers: Absolute Evil follows a Documentary Team as They Capture the True Story of Michael Myers by Interviewing Survivors, Victim’s Relatives, Haddonfield Residents, Police, Psychologists, and Anyone who can Paint a Clear Picture of One of the Biggest Mass Murders of All Time. Treating the Events of the Original Halloween through Halloween: H20 (Excluding Halloween 3: Season of the Witch) as Real Events, and Even Slightly Includes Rob Zombie’s Remakes as Films Based on Actual Events. Unfortunately for Them the Documentary Team quickly learns that Michael Myers enjoys being a Shadow, a Lurking Evil, A Predator…..and Sometimes it’s Better to Leave Him Undisturbed!!!

We Hope You Enjoyed this Tale of Slaughter and Survival as much as We Did.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & FYB

Antigonish

This is One of My Favorite Poems so I decided to Post It. “Antigonish” is a Poem written by American Educator and Poet William Hughes Mearns in 1899. The Poem was Inspired by Reports of a Ghost of a Man Roaming the Stairs of a Haunted House, in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada, the Poem was Originally part of a Play called The Psyco-ed, which Mearns had written for an English Class at Harvard University, Circa 1899.

“Yesterday, upon the stair,

I met a man who wasn’t there!

He wasn’t there again today,

Oh how I wish He’d go away!

When I came home last night at three,

The man was waiting for me

But when I looked around the hall,

I couldn’t see him there at all!

Go away, go away, don’t you come back anymore!

Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door…

Last night I saw upon the stair,

A little man who wasn’t there,

He wasn’t there again today

Oh, how I wish he’d go away….

Thanks For Reading,

Brought To You By Les Sober (700)

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”??? We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober & Spacedog

“Sick” Nick Mondo: Death Match Legend & Ultraviolent Icon

“Sick” Nick Mondo (born Matthew Timothy Burns) is Best Known for His Matches in COMBAT ZONE WRESTLING (CZW) the Home to UltraViolent Wrestling. Mondo was Known throughout His Career for His Willingness to take Extremely Dangerous Bumps, such as being Hit in the Stomach with a Gas Powered Weed Whacker, getting put Through Tables Wrapped in Barbwire, and Slammed from a Height of 40 Feet onto Light Tubes(Fluorescent Light Bulbs) stacked on top of Tables with Nothing but Bare Concrete beneath them. Nick Mondo’s Career May have been Relatively Short (Just Over 4 Years Total) as His began in Pennsylvania Championship Wrestling in 1999, and Ended it Retiring in 2003 while Wrestling for CZW. That Didn’t Stop Mondo from Accomplishing a Whole Hell of A Lot in those 4 years besides just Staying Alive and in One Piece.

When it comes to the World of Hardcore Wrestling it is often Separated into Distinct Types based on the Graphic Nature of the Match. A Deathmatch Usually tends to be the Most Brutally Severe, with a HEAVY Emphasis on the Usage of of Various Weapons to Induce a Great Deal of Blood Loss. The Weapons are meant to be Extremely Graphic and Violent in Nature and used for the Sole Purpose of Pain,Bloodshed, and Shock Value.

Nick Mondo Competed is Some of the MOST BLOODY AND BRUTAL Death Matches that Hardcore Wrestling have Ever Seen. Mondo Competed in The Tournament of Death, King of The Death Match, Cage of Death, and Japanese Death Matches (During a CZW Cross Promotion with BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING a Federation that Specializes in Death Match Wrestling). That’s in Addition to Other Death Matches Mondo Fought in During His Career which were Equally as Dangerous as They Were Blood Splattered.

Mondo Held the CZW Iron Man Championship on 3 Different Occasions.
Won the CZW World Tag Team Championship with His Tag Team Partner Ric Blade.
Mondo Won CZW’s Infamous Tournament of Death 2
Won Match of The Year in 2002 for His Match against Wifebeater
Won Match of The Year in 2003 for His Match Against Justice Pain.
In 2004 Mondo was Inducted into the CZW Hall of Fame

Below You will find the Short Documentary UNSCARRED: The Life of Nick Mondo in its Entirety. You’ll witness All New Never Before Seen Backyard Wrestling Superstar Series Showcase the Legendary Hardcore Icon “Sick” Nick Mondo Totally Exposed. From Unbelievable, Ultraviolet, Blood Soaked, Death-Defying Wrestling Action that has Shocked Fans across the Globe to Outrageous Stunts, Behind the Scenes Interviews, and Never Seen Before Footage. Experience First Hand Why Despite the Road Map of Battle Wounds Mondo Sports across His Body He has Miraculously Remained “Unscarred” throughout His Years of Hardcore Fame and Bloodshed.

After UNSCARRED You will Find The Ultraviolent and Bloody Highlights of Nick Mondo Vs. John Zandig’s Match at Tournament of Death 2. The Match Features Zandig Delivering His Finishing Move “The Mother F’n Bomb” on Nick Mondo OFF OF A ROOFTOP Through SIX TABLES and through a GIANT LIGHT TUBE CABIN STRUCTURE in the Parking Lot!!!

Then There is the Match Between Nick Mondo and Wifebeater in a 200 LIGHT TUBE BARBED WIRE ROPES DEATH MATCH which Includes the Infamously Famous GAS POWERED WEED WHACKER!!!

Lastly is a Video Highlighting Another of Nick Mondo’s Bloody and Brutal Championship Matches this Time against Ian Rotten in the TOURNAMENT OF DEATH 2 FINAL!!!