Since Today just Happens to be the Greatest Holiday of Them All We Selected a Halloween Specific Movie.
All Hallow’s Eve is the 2013 Horror Anthology Film Written, Directed, and Edited by Damien Leone, in His First Full Length Feature Film Directorial Debut. The Film Incorperates Footage from the 2008 Short Film The 9th Circle, as well as the 2011 Short Film Terrifier, both of Which were also Directed by Leone and Stared Art The Clown. The Character of Art The Clown would later be featured in the 2016 Full Length Horror Film Terrifer, Also Written and Directed by Leone.
Premis:
After a Night of Trick-Or-Tricking on Halloween, Babysitter Sarah is Surprised to see that Children Tia and Timmy have Received an Unmarked VHS Tape in one of Their Bags. The Children convince Sarah to allow Them to watch the Tape, which contains Three Stories, each of which features a HOMICIDAL CLOWN simply named Art The Clown.
Enjoy.
We Hope You Enjoyed These Three Tales of Terror, and Have a Happy Halloween.
Welcome to this Week’s Installment of Short Horror Film Friday. This Week We will be Featuring the Dark Comedy Surreal Horror Short Film Too Many Cooks!
Too Many Cooks Originally Aired as a Special during Adult Swim’s Infomercials Block on October 28, 2014, at 4:00am ET. It was Created, Written, and Directed by Casper Kelly, and Produced by Williams Street. After its Original Airing, Too Many Cooks went on to become a Viral Video Online, and was Shown Repeatedly Each Night at Midnight ET during the Week of November 11, 2014
Premis:
The Video begins as a Parody of Opening Credits Sequences of the 1970’s, 1980’s and 1990’s American Sitcom Comedies, then Television Crime Dramas, Prime Time Soap Operas, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Super Hero Live Action Series, Slasher Films, and Science Fiction, with each of them Gradually Bleeding into the Next. Particular Focus is put on a Slasher Film Villain, Who is Hidden in the Background of Several Early Shots but eventually Starts Killing the Other Characters with a Menacing Machete. The Opening Credits Sequence Ends after about 10 Minutes and Transitions into the “Episode”, with all the Characters from the Opening Standing in the One House; the Short Ends approximately 10 Seconds Later, Cutting to the Closing Credits before a Full Line of Dialogue can be Spoken.
“My name is unimportant. I am an artist. I never will be caught, but what I have done here will live forever.
For several months now I have been uploading videos of my human pet. His name is Eric. He is being held against his will. That is all you need to know about him for now.
Eric would very much like to leave his prison cell and go home to his family, but that is not up to me. It is up to you. You will decide whether Eric gets to see his family again. You will decide whether Eric lives or dies.
This is MY masterpiece, and you will play by MY rules.
Codemaster
p.s. Art is a mystery to be unraveled.”
The Human Petis/was an Interactive Psychological Horror Project that’s far from the Bland, Mundane, and Asinine Fair One Finds littering the Internet Nowadays. It is a Series of Disturbing Videos, Blog Posts, Vlogs, and Websites many of which contained Encoded Messages (One such Hidden Message from a Innocuous Blog Post States”Dig Too Deep and You might Not like What You Find….”)
Now its important to mention that while The Human Pet Webseries came to be in the Early Wild West Days of YouTube before Youtube had come into its own. While there were No Rules, Regulations, Terms of Service, or Community Guidelines People still could and Would Report Videos They found Troubling, and They reported these Videos A LOT. This created several ongoing Problems for the Still Unknown Creator(s) of the Series. This meant Youtube Took the Some of the Series Videos Down, and They Even Shut Down the Original Human Pet Channel. The Human Pet essentially became the Blair Witch Project because the Webseries as it was Shot so Realistically People Actually Thought it was in fact Real. Before You roll Your Eyes You have to Remember the Series started in 2006. At that Point this kind of Artistic Project hadn’t been done before. It was a Brand New Artistic Medium provided by the Inception of Youtube.
The Series Showcased a Young Man named Eric Taylor being Held Hostage against Hs Will in a Room with Nothing but a Mattress. His Captor, The Codemaster (aka The Man in the Mask, aka Sam Deercot an Anagram formed from Codemaster), gave the Audience the Ability to Help Eric Survive through picking which Food He will Eat to How to Filter Contaminated Pond Water He is Given to Drink. Later Videos were Uploads of Eric’s own Personal Vlogs, Detailing some of His Actions that lead to His Capture. In Addition to the Creepy Codemaster’s Channel Eric’s Father and Sister started a Channel Dedicated to Finding Eric. They Uploaded Several Videos with Info pertaining to Eric and Pleas for Help from the Public.
The Film Making is Often Stark- a Locked off Shot-but the Threat of Violence from The Codemaster (Also Referred to as The Man in the Mask) makes the Series Truly Riveting. In Other Videos The Codemaster makes Strange Animations-Offering a Glimpse into the Mind of the Deranged Villain. In other Videos He is Cruelly Playful seeming Utterly Delighted by the Suffering He is Causing All involved. In the Final Video “THIS VIDEO TAKES YOU TO HELL” the Viewers learn some of The Code Master’s Backstory, and How He became a Deranged Maniac.
Themes Found Within The Human Pet:
Abusive Parents: In “This Video Will Take You To Hell”, We learn about a Child Whose Parents kept them Locked in a Room with a Mattress, a Broken TV, a Litter Box, and Pet Food Bowls. This Child was The Codemaster and more than Likely Shaped His Psychotic Hobbies.
Alcoholic Parent: Eric’s Sister describes Their Mother as having Succumbed to Drinking due to Her Husbands Abusive Behavior.
Alternate Reality Game: Viewers actively Participated by Attempting to Help Eric (or as “My Pet” as the Codemaster Refers to Eric As), getting to Ask Him Questions, Cracking Codes, Looking for Hidden Messages/Clues/Hints, and by Searching for a Secret Tape that Revealed the Final Video.
The Cat Food Diet: Viewers were Allowed to Determine what Single Solitary Solid Food Eric could Eat that would contain Enough Nutrients for Him to Survive; The Food turned out to be Cat Food.
Domestic Abuse: Eric’s Father Not Just Abused His Wife Driving Her to Drink, but He also Abused Eric and His Sister as well. The Codemaster’s Pervious Victim before Eric was a Prostitute Named Emily who made the Fatal Mistake of Approaching The Codemaster’s Car Late on Night.When Emily tried to Leave the Game Her Boyfriend (Who got Her into Hooking) Literally Threw Her and Her Belongings Out of the House.
NO ENDING: The Last Video Uploaded is Less of an Ending and More a Peek into The Codmaster’s Backstory, and has Not Uploaded any other Videos Since 2008 (More than likely it was Abandoned by Its Creator.)
Enjoy.
We Hope You Enjoyed this Twisted Tale of Human Horror as Much as We Did.
We were Perusing some of the Awesome Animation from David Firth (One of Our Favorite Animators) that He did under the Moniker fatpie2. While We were mucking around We Located this Little Slice of Insanity and Couldn’t Be Happier for It. It’s a Music Video that was Animated by David Firth (aka fatpie2) for the Aphex Twins Song MILKMAN from the Girl Boy EP as Well as Some Versions of the RDJ Album.
All We can tell You about the Video is well Not a Whole Hell of a Lot. Your Ears hear a Cosmically Melodic Collage Radio Alternative Rock like Song, and Your Eyes see some Horrifically Violent Imagery of Murder and Mayhem straight out of a Slasher Movie from the 80’s. These Conflicting Messages from the Two Different Senses causes the Brain to Scramble to make Sense of the Vast Contrast in Information. The Video starts like a Kid’s Show Cartoon as the Lyrics pertain to a Milkman and Then a Bit About HIs Wife. After that things get pretty fucking Weird. The Only issue We have with the Song is the Lyrics get fucking Undecipherable, and End up sounding like a Melodious Moan of Sorts. Anyway after We follow the Milkman on His Delivery Route (and Meet His Charming Wife) He is Inexplicably Murdered by a Psychotic Customer at when He Visits Their House for a Delivery. The Killer is a Deformed Inbred Head Case and Necrophiliac Circa the Movie The Hills Have Eyes Who Proceeds to Murder the Shit Out of Everyone He Encounters. The Sick Serial Killer Murders and Mutilates His Various Victims in a Variety of Classic B Horror Movie Methods. So Whats the Meaning of it All? Hell if We Know.
While Searching the Internet for Strange, Unusual, Odd, Creepy, Disturbing, and Down Right Traumatizing Content Stumbled Across the Music Video for Flying Lotus’s “Ready Err Not” and was Instantly and Intensely Interested. The Trippy Soundtrack was Trance Inducing while watching the Accompanying Array of Graphically Violent Imagery Play Out on the Screen. Honestly We have a Goddamn Clue Wtf the Song or Video are Actually About We just Know We get a Real Big Kick Out of It. A Surreal Song and Gore Driven (and Bloodsoaked) Graphics what the fuck is there Not to Love?!
Steven Ellison, known by His Stage Name Flying Lotus or Sometimes FlyLo, is an American Record Producer, Musician, DJ, Filmmaker, Songwriter, and Rapper from Los Angeles, California. He is also the Founder of the Record Label Brainfeeder.
In 2006, while Visiting His Mother’s House, Ellison saw an Advertisement on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim Programming Block asking for Song Submissions. Ellison decided to Submit a Few of His Songs , Under the Name Flying Lotus (a Moniker Inspired by Lucid Dreaming) and His Songs were Accepted by Adult Swim.
Around this Time, Ellison was Interning at the Pioneering Hip Hop Label Stones Throw Records, and Released His Debut Studio Album called 1983 on October 3, 2006. The Album helped Ellison develop His Eclectic Creative Mission, Forging Compressed, Experimental, Spacey, Electronic, Jazz Rap, and Eastern sounding Hip Hop Beats. The Album Channeled the likes of Madlib as much as Dntel, while Sampling as Far Back as 1970’s Japanese Proto-Synthpop and 1960’s Jazz Harp.
Welcome to this Week’s Edition of Saturday Slasher Cinema Featuring the 1981 Slasher Cult Classic The Burning Directed By Tony Maylam. The Movie is Based on a New York Urban Legend of the Cropsey Maniac, and is the Debut of Actor Jason Alexander as well as Actress Holly Hunter. The Musical Score for the Film was Composed by Rick Wakeman of the Progressive Rock Band Yes. The Special Effects are Courtesy of Effects Legend Tom Savini who turned Down Working on Friday the 13th Part 2 to work on The Burning.
(NOTE: Before Any Wise Ass has a Chance to Mention it Harvey Weinstein was involved in this Movie, but I refuse to give Him ANY Credit for Anything Ever. The Only Thing Harvey Weinstein should be Remembered for is being a Pedophile, Child Molester, and Serial Rapist Who will Die Rotting in Prison.)
Plot:
At a Camp Blackfoot, Some of the Teenagers pull a Prank on The Camp’s Sadistic and Alcoholic Caretaker, Cropsey (as They feel it is necessary to ‘Get Him Back”). The Prank though goes Horrifically Wrong when They Teens accidentally Set Cropsey on Fire and Leave Him for Dead. Five Long Torturous Years Later, the Demented and Deformed Cropsey is Discharged from the Hospital, and Returns to the Camp Equipped with a Pair of Rusty Sheers, Ready to Unleash His Particular Brand of Vengeance on Those Responsible for His Gruesome Disfigurement. Can Anyone Stop the Murderous Cropsey’s Killing Spree before He Transforms Camp Blackfoot into Blackfoot Graveyard or Are The Campers Destined to Die One By One in the Woods?
Enjoy.
Hope You Enjoyed this Tale Of Camp Based Carnage as Much as We Did.
Welcome to Another Installment of Short Horror Film Friday Featuring the 2005 9 Minute Canadian Psychological/Sci Fi Horror Film Still Life Directed By John Kauntz, and Written By by Charles Johnson.
Plot:
Nathan is a Sleep Deprived, Pill Popping, Low On Gas, and High on Caffeine Anxious Driver trying to Get Home. On His Way Nathan passes through a Small Desolate Town, but He gets Distracted only for a Split Second by Someone sitting at the Bus Stop. As a Result of the Distraction Nathan Runs Over Something (or Someone) in the Road, and Upon Investigation it Appears to be a China Mannequin. Nathan heads to the Town Cafe in Seek of Assistance, and Discovers the Entire Town is Populated By a Host of Lifeless Mannequins. Strangely However, a Set of Eyes seem to be Locked on Nathan watching His Every Move. Soon a Siren Wails like a Banshee and Nathan Runs the Rest of the way Home, but What can He do to Escape this Surreal Nightmare of Mannequin Induced Madness?!
You’ll just Have to Watch and See for Yourself. Enjoy.
We Hope You Enjoyed this Tale of Malevolent Mannequins as Much as We Did.
Welcome to Another Installment of Strange and Disturbing Videos Featuring Miss Shaye Saint John in Broken Neck. Saint John is a Fictional Character and Art Project Who Appears in a Series of Surrealist, Creepy Short Films, and is Brain Child of Creator Eric Fournier. In the 90’s, Fournier was a Member of the Punk Bands The Blood Farmers and Skelegore when He began working on the First Miss Shaye St. John Video.
Who is Miss Shaye St. John? :
The Character Shape St. John is Described as a “Model”, and is Shown in Videos Wearing a Plastic Mask, a Series of Wigs and Dresses, and Manipulating a Pair of Wooden Hands Attached to Sticks. Tragically Saint John was Hit By a Train which Resulted in the Loss of Her Arms and Legs (as Well as Horribly Disfiguring Her Face). Instead of Using the Traditional Prosthetics, She Added Mannequin Parts to Her Face and Added the Wooden Hands so No One could See Her Severely Damaged and Deformed Hands. Saint John Wears a Series of Different Masks throughout Her Videos, Supposedly because She Doesn’t want the World to See What She Actually looks Like. Creator Eric Fournier has said “It’s Really Bad, that’s Why She wears the Mask.”
In 2003, the Character started a Blog at LiveJournal, and a YouTube Channel Named Elastic Spastic Plastic Fantastic was created in August 2006. The YouTube Channel Uploaded all 56 of the Saint John Videos from 2006-2007, But the Official Channel was Discontinued and Cancelled in December of 2007.
In this Post Features a Total of Three Videos First Gateway to the Mind followed by Transfiguration, and Lastly Gateway to the Mind (RARE FOOTAGE). All Three of the Following Videos Shares a Distinct Part in One of the Internet’s Most Talked About, Notorious, Controversial, and Absolutely fucking Insane Mysteries to Date.
And Now Gateway to the Mind Please Enjoy.
The Backstory of Gateway to the Mind:
“In 1983, a Team of Deeply Pious Scientists conducted a Radical Experiment in an Undisclosed Facility. The Scientists had Theorized that a Human without Access to Any Senses or Ways to Perceive Stimuli would be able to Perceive the Presence of God. They believed that the Five Senses clouded our Awareness of Eternity, and without them, a Human could actually Establish contact with God by Thought. An Elderly Man who claimed to have “Nothing left to Live for” was the Only Test Subject to Volunteer. To Purge Him of all His Senses, the Scientists performed a complex Operation in which every Sensory Nerve Connection to the Brain was Surgically Severed.* Although the Test Subject retained full Muscular Function, He could Not See, Hear, Taste, Smell, or Feel. With No Possible way to Communicate with or even Sense the Outside World, He was alone with His Thoughts. Scientists monitored Him as He spoke aloud about His State of Mind in Jumbled, Slurred Sentences that He couldn’t even Hear. After Four days, the Man claimed to be hearing hushed, Unintelligible Voices in His Head. Assuming it was an onset of Psychosis, the Scientists paid little Attention to the Man’s Concerns.
Two days later, the Man Cried that He could Hear His Dead Wife speaking with hHm, and even more, He could Communicate back. The Scientists were Intrigued, but were Not Convinced until the Subject started Naming Dead Relatives of the Scientists. He repeated Personal Information to the Scientists that only Their Dead Spouses and Parents would have known. At this point, a Sizable Portion of Scientists left the Study. After a Week of Conversing with the Deceased through His Thoughts, the Subject became Distressed, saying the Voices were Overwhelming. In Every Waking Moment, His consciousness was Bombarded by Hundreds of Voices that refused to leave Him alone. He frequently threw Himself against the Wall, trying to Elicit a Pain Response. He begged the Scientists for Sedatives, so He could Escape the Voices by Sleeping. This Tactic worked for Three Days, until He started having Severe Night Terrors. The Subject repeatedly said that He could See and Hear the Deceased in His Dreams.
Only a Day Later, the Subject began to Scream and Claw at His Non-functional eyes, hoping to Sense Something in the Physical World. The Hysterical Subject now said the Voices of the Dead were Deafening and Hostile, Speaking of Hell and The End of the World. At One Point, He yelled “No Heaven, No Forgiveness” for Five Hours Straight. He continually begged to be Killed, but the Scientists were Convinced that He was close to Establishing contact with God. After Another Day, the Subject could No longer form Coherent Sentences. Seemingly Insane, He Started to Bite Off Chunks of Flesh from His Arm. The Scientists rushed into the Test Chamber and Restrained Him to a Table so He could Not Kill Himself. After a few hours of being Tied Down, the Subject halted His Struggling and Screaming. He stared Blankly at the Ceiling as Teardrops silently streaked across His Face. For Two Weeks, the Subject had to be Manually Rehydrated due to the constant Crying. Eventually, He turned His head and, Despite His Blindness, made Focused Eye Contact with a Scientist for the first time in the Study.
He whispered “I have Spoken with God, and He has Abandoned Us” and His Vital Signs Stopped. There was No Apparent Cause of Death.”
Well this Wickedly Wild Tale of Top Secret Human Experimentation Fueled People’s Obsession (and Curiosity) it is in fact 100% FAKE. So What the fuck is Actually Going On Here?! Well You’ll have to Watch the Transfiguration Video and Check Out the Explanation that Follows for the Facts.
Without Further Adu Transfiguration Please Enjoy.
The Truth:
The Man Pictured in the Gateway to the Mind Footage and the Accompanying Still Images is Actually Sculpture, Painter, and Performance Artist by the Name of Olivier De Sagazan, Who is Shown Transforming Himself into a Living Sculpture of Flesh, Clay, and Paint.
The Question at Hand Now is What the Hell is the Connection between the Disturbing Gateway to the Mind and Transfiguration???
The Original Video Installation, Entitled Transfiguration Shows De Sagazan sitting and Undressing in Front of a Crude Frame, Applying Copious Layers of Liquid Clay (Regular Clay that’s Been Diluted by Using Water) to His Head and Body until His Face is Completely Obscured, the Twisting and Tearing at the Material to Contort His “Flesh” into Horrific Shapes. Throughout this Process, the Artist can be Heard Uttering Animalistic Shouts and Haunting Moans. Transfiguration was Later Re-Edited, Digitally Distressed, and Darkened to Resemble Archival Film, the Uploaded as Allegedly “Leaked” Footage from the Fictional 1983 Experiment.
LAIDIES AND GENTALMEN here is an Extra Bonus which is the Gateway to the Mind (Full and Color Version) Please Enjoy.
Gateway to the Mind Rare Footage is Screen Test Footage of De Sagazan Rehearing and Experimenting with His Bizarre Performance Art Concept.
Now Before I Start this Story there a Few things I need to Clarify First. My Family Farm was Built in 1877 and While it looks Welcoming as hell During the Day when Night Falls things are Quite Different. At Night the Farm House takes on a Serious Norman Bates Horror Movie Vibe. This change in Aesthetic can be Attributed to a Few different Factors. First The Farm is Located Outside of the Town Limits making it rather Isolated (the Farm House is Located on a Over 1,117 Acres of Pine Forrests). The Second is the Utter Lack of Exterior Light, and While there are Obviously Lights On In the House and Directly Outside there No Street Lamps. There is also Virtually No Traffic on the Lazy Country Road that Runs through the Property in Front of the Farm, and there is No Light from Urban Sprawl either.
This Total Lack of Additional Light means when the Sun goes Down it gets Darker then You’ve Ever Experienced. You Literally can’t see more than 5 Feet in Front of You and its incredibly Disorienting as Your Eyes Desperate Search for Something Recognizable to Orient Itself in Vain. I have witnessed a Handful of People Really Freak the Fuck Out over the Pitch Blackness to the Point They were Contemplating if They had in fact Gone Suddenly and Completely Blind. Also As You may have Guessed There are Absolutely No Neighbors Near By and the Emergency Responders (Fire Department, Cops, and Ambulances) Response Time is Hindered by the Remote Location. Due to the Slower than Average Response Times have Led People Here to Adopt the Ideology that They like the Wild West Days Gone By must Fend For Themselves.
So the Bottomline is at Night You feel like Your Stranded on some Planet deep in the Depths of Space where You’re on Your Own, and Totally Alienated from Everything/Anything Familiar. I like to Describe it has Floating in a Vast Void that’s so damn Dark it Rivals a BlackHole (Black Holes Gravity is so Strong it even sucks in Light). It’s the Closest thing to Sensory Deprivation that I have ever Experienced in all My Years on Earth. The Other Unnerving issue is being so far from anything remotely Suburban it’s beside being Blacker than the Grave it’s Insanely Silent. This Ups the Creepy factor 10 fold in My Opinion, but there are some sounds just Not those Humans Make and thus are used to Hearing. You can Hear Unknown Animals Howling Occasionally, The Piercing Cry of Owls random cut through the Blackness, and You can Hear Things Moving throughout the Surrounding Woods. Since You can’t see any of these Anything Your Imagination starts going Apeshit with Crazy and Terrifying Thought of What is Lurking Around Cloaked in the Dark of Night.
Since the Farm House was Built well before Central Heating was Invented Every Single Room has a Still Fully Functioning Fireplace. I do mean EVERY Room be it the Bedrooms, Kitchen, Dinning Room, Living Room, and Den so basically the Only exception are the Bathrooms. Now having so many Fireplaces out in an extremely Rural Area sometimes Shit happens that wouldn’t in Populated Areas. In this Case I’m talking about Birds Baby Birds that is. Once in a While when it’s Not Winter Parent Birds will occasionally Build there Nest on Top of the Chimney when its Not Winter, and once in a Blue Moon there Structural Integrity Issues. What I mean by that is that the Bottom of the Nest would Simply Buckle under the Weight of the Growing Chicks causing the Nest to Falter. When this happens the the Baby Chick unfortunately Plummet down the Chimney and into the Fireplace itself cover in Ash, Shocked as Shit, and Terrified by the Ordeal. Now if the Flu is Shut the Chicks will Land on the Top which Means to remedy the Situation You have to Open the Flu. Once the Flu is Opened the Screaming Grime covered Chicks will fall into Your Fireplace hopefully avoiding Hitting You on the Way.
At this Point in Time My Mother had a Second Residence (The House My Brother and I grew up In) up North and She would Head up there to Avoid the Stifling Summer Heat of the South. The Farm has an Alarm System which is Rather Elaborate, But like I said due to the Less than Desirable Police Response Time My Mom had Back up. My Mother had the Wherewithal to cut a Deal with one of Our Relatives in the Immediate Area to Assist with the Farm while She was Away. My Mother had enlisted the Help of a Second Cousin of Mine called Gary to do Walk Throughs of the Farm to make sure a Pipe didn’t break or an Animal of some sort got into the Farm House. He was also Responsible for Up keep of the Grounds as well such as Keeping the Trails in the Woods Clear for Example, and if the Alarm went off He would Immediately Head Over to See what the fuck was Going On.
During One of My Mother’s Summer Retreats up North and thanks to Murphy’s Law (Murphy’s lAw States what can go wrong will) the Farm Alarm went off in the Middle of the Fucking Night. Gary and His Eldest Son Jacob got out of Bed and Drove Over to the Farm to Investigate what had set off the Alarm. They pulled up in Their Pick Up Truck, got Out, and were Checking Their Guns (again People Out Here assume They’re on Their Own) when Low and Behold one of the Small Handful of Police from Town rolled up. Gary informed the Officer Who they were and why They were There in the Middle of the Woods at God Knows what Late Hour of the Night with an Alarm Blaring like a Band of Banshees. The Cop responded by stating He’d be Accompanying Gray and Jacob into the House to Check the Situation Out.
With that Said all Three with Their Guns Drawn Slowly Entered the House, and Gary managed through Ungodly Sirens to Shut Off the Alarm so They could actual hear Themselves think. The Three of Them Stood in the Foyer of the Farm House with the Living Room Directly to Their Left and the Den Directly to Their Left. The Three of Them Inspected Both Rooms and Found Nothing of Concern and Returned to the Foyer to Regroup. They double Checked the Front Door and Windows in Each Room to See if Someone had Broken in that way. Since The Front Door and Front Windows hadn’t been tampered with They were Relieved at First but They had the Entire Farm to Clear.
There is a Long Hall that leads Directly from the Foyer to a Door that Opens onto a Middle Porch. Since Fire was a Serious fucking Concern back in the 1880’s (in fact the Original Farm House on the Property Burned Down) the Architects of the Time came up with the Concept of the Middle Porch. While most Fires originated in the Kitchen House Builders added a Middle Porch separating the Main part of the House from the Back Part where the Kitchen was Located (as well as the Dinning Room). The Theory was if a Fire broke Out in the Kitchen the Middle Porch would provide a Gap between the Fire and the Main House. This Way Hopefully the Firemen would Show up in enough Time to Save the Rest of the House from Burning Down. On either side of the Door is a Bedroom which was the Next logical Location for the The Crew to Inspect. The Staircase However is located on the Left Side of the Main Hallway facing away from the Crew as the Bottom is of the Staircase is approximately 6 feet or so from the Back Bedroom on the Left.
They Slowly started inching Their way towards the back Bedrooms with Guns at the Ready. They only took a couple of cautious Steps before They Heard a Noise coming from the Second Floor. None of the Crew was able to identify what the sound actually was, and confusion set in. They stopped in Their Tracks to Listen to the UnKnown Sound to see if They could Assess what the fuck it was. As They remained Frozen with Their Ears Straining to make out what the Mystery Noise was as Their Minds Engaged Their Fight or Flight Instincts. On the Second Floor was the Master Bedroom, another Bedroom, a Bathroom, and a Second Story Porch so the Crew where trying to Figure Out where Upstairs the Noise was coming from. The Unidentified Sound moved into the Small Upstairs Hallway, and then it Started to come down the Stairs. It was a Frantic Sound of Something Scarred Shitless and looking for anyway to Escape. The Men Froze once again and Moved Their Index Fingers to the Trigger of Their Weapons in Anticipation of a the Confrontation making its way Downstairs.
The Men Stood Side by side Shoulder to Shoulder with Gary on the Right, Jacob on the Left and the Cop in the Middle. They waited Anxiously Holding Their Collective Breath as if in some sort of sick Horror Movie Standoff waiting for the Unknown Noise to Show Itself. Then All of a Sudden to Everyone’s Surprise Something Large and Covered Head to Toe in Ash came Bounding Over the Banister from the Half way up the Staircase. The Creature Dropped the 7-8 feet to the Floor Below. Though Gary and Jacob were Stunned and Still Unsure of what the fuck They were looking at Exactly Held Their Ground. Instinctively Gary and Jacob looked over at One Another to See How They should Proceed They Noticed Something Odd. The Cop was Gone and all that remained between the Two Men was the Empty Floor Space once Occupied by the Cop.
Both Men turned back to look at the Creature Raising Hell in the Hall Way. As the Creature Left Around Hoping like a Possessed Kangaroo Clouds of Soot came Billowing off of it Obscuring the Men’s View. Finally Enough Chimney Grim was Discarded and Settled that the Men could actually see what it the Crazy Creature was. It was a Full Grown Adult Crane that stood around 4 Feet High with an Impressive Wing Span that apparently (and God Knows How) had Fallen down one of the Upstairs Chimneys. Gary and Jacob holstered Their Firearms, grabbed a Blanket of the Living Room Couch, and Ushered the Bird Outside where it took off into the Night like a Bat out of Hell relieved to Be Free at Last.
As Gary and Jacob gathered Their thoughts on the Madness that has just ensued Their Attention was once again drawn to the Cop. When the Cop was Startled by the Large Filth Covered Crane jumped the Banister had freaked the fuck out and He ran Out of the House into the Front Yard. Now I know that Scenario had to be Unsettling as Hell for those who were there, BUT a Cop’s fucking Job is to Stand Up in the Face of Danger and Protect Civilians. They go to the Police Academy and are Trained to Handle Dangerous Situations I mean essentially Thats a Cop’s Job, but this Officer ran the hell away in the Face of Adversity leaving the Two Civilians to Ironically Fend for Themselves. The best word I can Use to describe it is Ludicrous.
To this Day it’s still a Mystery on How the fuck a Large Crane fell the fuck down the Chimney, and We will Rightfully Never Know as it appears it was just a Freak Occurrence. As for the Cop I hope He found a New and Less Stressful a Job as He doesn’t seem Cut Out to actually be an Effective Police Officer to say the fucking Least. Gary with the assistance of Jacob still Man the Fort whenever My Mother goes on Vacation Nowadays, and the Story of the Insane Crane lives on.
