Category: Creative Writing

This is all the Insanity that has Escaped The Confines of My Cranium. Includes (but not limited to) Fiction, Non Fiction, Personal Shit, Short Stories, Poems, Pictorials (for Now), Ongoing Stories, Sociology, History, Cannibalism, Song Lyrics, and More.

Harvard And The Real Life Necronomicon

When it comes to the Saying “Art imitates Life and Life imitates Art” there couldn’t be a fucking better fucking Example than The Book Bound in Human Skin and the Prestigious Ivy League Harvard University. This Particular Story at the same time is also a Prime Example that Fact can indeed be Stranger than Fiction.

Now for Those who aren’t Familiar and are Pondering what the fuck The Necronomicon is Exactly allow Me to Explain. The Originator of the Myth of the Necronomicon, also Referred to as The Book Of The Dead, was Fiction Author Howard Phillips Lovecraft (H.P. Lovecraft) who was Known for Writing Surreal Fantasy, Horror, and Science Fiction Stories. The Necronomicon According to Lovecraft is/was a Cursed of Magic Textbook whose Works contain an Account of The Old Ones (Also known as Dark Gods Who are usually Depicted as Insanely Powerful, and Absolutely Indifferent when it comes to Humans), Their History, Forbidden Knowledge of Dark Gods, and the Perverted Incantations used to Summon Them. The Necronomicon First Appeared in Lovecraft’s Short Story The Hound Written in 1922 and Published in 1924 Two Year Later. Lastly as Lovecraft is Concerned Wrote a Short Pseudo History Of The Necronomicon in 1927 which was Published after Lovecraft’s Death in 1938. Lovecraft wrote the necronomicon was Originally called Al Azif  which He defined as “That Nocturnal Sound (made by Insects) Supposed to be the Howling of Demons.”

The Necronomicon made into Mainstream Conscience in the 1981 Horror Comedy Movie called “Evil Dead” by Director Sam Raimi the First in the Trilogy. In the Movie Version the Necronomicon is referred to as The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis which is also referred to as Natural Demonto and Book Of The Dead. The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis in “Evil Dead” is an Ominous Ancient Book of Prophecies, Funerary Incantations (aka Necromancy), and Demonology Resurrection Passages compiled by an Ancient Race of Beings known only as The Dark Ones. The Basic Plot of “Evil Dead” is the Main Character Ash visits an Isolated Cabin along with His Girlfriends and 3 Friends for a Night of Partying. They stumble across an Old Book that’s Written in Human Blood and Bound with Human Skin (the Necronomicon) that when Read Aloud Reawakens an Ancient Evil. Then Ash and Friends fight for Survival as They are Possessed by Malevolent Demons called Deaditees one by one Until Ash is the Lone Survivor after the Night of Terror.

Now that We have covered the Fiction let’s get back to the Facts at hand. The Book in Question is Not the Mythical Necronomicon but it’s Still pretty fucking Weird. The Book is Called Des Destinees de l’ame which Translates to Destinies Of The Soul and was Written by French Author Arsene Houssaye and Published in 1879. The Last known Owner of the Book was a Man named Ludovic Bouland who was a Close Personal Friend of Houssaye who Gifted Bouland Des Destinees de l’ame upon its Completion. It’s Imperative that You Understand that when Houssaye gave the Book to His Friend Bouland it WAS NOT BOUND IN HUMAN SKIN as of Yet. Once Bouland Acquired Des Destinees de l’ame He was the One who decided, and is Personally Responsible for, the Book being REBOUND in Human Skin.

Apparently Bouland truly believed that and I Quote “A Book about the Human Soul desevered to have a Human (Skin) Covering.” which Seems Oddly Appropriate. What I mean is the Victorian Period of American History is Grim, Dark, and Dwelled on Death from the Human Hair of the Deceased to save/preserve in a Piece of Jewelry (example A Locket), Posing and Photographing Loved Ones Corpses, and Having Funeral Wakes Hosted in a Family Member’s Home for Days on End to Name a Few. Bouland Acquired the Skin in Question from a Dead Female Patient at a French Mental Asylum were He was a Student. Once Bouland Up and Died in 1934 and Des Destinees de l’ame was Donated to the Stewardship of Harvard University. The Book was Entered in Harvard’s Literary Collection along side a Note that Detailed the Book’s Origin, AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR HOW T PRESERVE HUMAN SKIN (Talk about Foreshadowing I am Right or What).

As You might Imagine there were People from Day One that had at Least Suspicion that Something was Seriously Off about the Book’s Binding. Unfortunately it took Researches until 2014 to Develop a Diagnostic Test called PEPTIDE MASS FINGERPRINTING that was capable of Distinguish Human Skin from Other Skins used to Bind Books from the Time Period such as Sheepskin for Example. Harvard Released a Press Statement on the Subject of the Book Bound with Human Skin that Stated “Its Good News for Fans of Anthropodermic  Bibliography Bibliomaniacs and Cannibals Alike…”  (Seriously What the Fuck Harvard Cannibals? Really Fucking Modern Day Cannibals that Keep Tabs on Harvard’s Literary Collection? Fucking Right). In 2023 prompted by a Report from 2022 on the Subject of Human Remains in the University’s Possession Harvard conducted an Ethical Review of Items/Materials in its Collection. in Conclusion the 2022 Report found that Harvard had Failed in its Stewardship Responsibilities, and thus in 2024 Harvard Removed the Skin Placing it Temporarily in Storage (Due to Ethical Consideration) while Deciding a Method of Disposal.

Well that is where the Story is at Currently and there a Two things that Stick Out. Did Bouland in fact Steal the Skin of the Dead Female Mental Patient because even in 1879 it seems a bit Late in the Game for Creepy shit in spite of the Victorian Era. I mean how the fuck would or could Bouland have obtained the Skin Legitimately How would He justify it to His Professors or the Mental Asylum Administration?! The Second thing is Why the fuck did Harvard wait a fucking DECADE after learning the Binding WAS Human Skin to Actually Remedy the Situation? So Some Cliches are Cliches for a fucking Reason and that’s because They’re fucking True. Inevitably I’m afraid We will never really Know if Fact is in Fact Stranger than Fiction

It Is What It Is,

By Les Sober

Man Or Beast Both Have Nipples: A Tale Of The Stupidity Of Humanity

There Countless times a Day I wonder How the fuck some People can/are so fucking Stupid that They’re the reason the Saying “Too Stupid to Live” exists in the First fucking Place. This particular Saying Pertains to People so Horribly fucking Stupid it’s Amazing They haven’t inadvertently Done Themselves in by Simple Being so fucking Stupid. This is a Story about One of these Monumentally Moronic People and Sad to Say it’s Not only True, But the Client Depicted in the Story is an  Actual fucking Person.

Allow Me to Set the fucking Stage. I had been working as a Vet Tech (a Vet Tech is to a Veterinarian as a Nurse is to a Human Doctor) for 16 Years before I started working for a Notoriously Unconventional Vet. I should have known what the fuck I was getting into Since My Wife had worked for this Vet Previously. After Several Years along with some a SERIOUSLY Insane Situation (which is a Whole Different Story for another Day) My Wife Ended up Quitting, and taking a Job at a Local Animal Shelter’s Veterinary Clinic. Now being an Unconventional Person Myself I got along quite well with this Veterinarian Who We will call Dr. Rich for all intents and purposes. Basically I don’t want the Guy to find out about this Post and taking Legal Action Against Me. Trust Me Stranger shit has Happened in Life, and He is a Strange Guy.

    

Lastly the Shittiest Part of being a Vet Tech isn’t Dealing with Patients which is rather Complicated from the Get Go. What I mean is Animal Patients obviously Can’t Talk (Parrots Excluded of Course for Vets who Treat Exotic Animals as Most Don’t) so They can’t Explain What Hurst or Where it Hurts or Any Symptoms Period. In All Honesty the Worst fucking Part of Working in a Veterinary Clinic/Hospital like I said isn’t the 4 Legged Patients it’s Their 2 Legged Owners. In General Not only are Owners various Levels of Problematic They can also be Outright Assholes. Here is a Quick Example for You. A Man came in and Signed Off on His Dog’s Neutering as well as all the Bells and Whistles.

It’s Important to Point Out that Dr. Rich being Unconventional didn’t Require such things as Pre Surgical X-rays for Dentals for Example though He stated His Opinion that it could never Hurt to do Pre Surgical Shit such as Pre Surgical Bloodwork. After that He left it up to the Owner’s Digression Especially since Money is a Major Factor as is Anything fucking Medical. Now when the Time came for this Dumb Son of a Bitch to Pick Up His Dog and Pay His Bill He proceeded to have a Full Blown Shit Fit about it. The thing is the Client had NO REASON to Complain because the Dumbfuck never ASKED how Much it would Cost before He went ahead and Authorized  Everything. On Top of the Shithead arguing Over His goddamn Bill Dr. Rick worked in a VERY Wealthy Area which made things Even More Aggravating as fuck.

You see 90% of the Clients were Empty Headed, Day Drinking, Plastic Surgery Enhanced, Botox Junkie Trophy Wives Devoid of Intelligence and Personality alike.  I’m not fucking Joking when I say there was a Neighborhood where if You bought a House for $750,000 Your Neighbors would think/say shit like “Poor You, You can only afford to buy a House for $750,000.” behind Your back. That and I’ll NEVER forget this Bratty Wealth Flaunting for Clout Stupid Bitch Who came in to Pick Up Flea and Tick shit for Her Dog. After Paying She lingered around like a fucking Stank Ass Fart so She could Talk about How Rich She Was (which is a fucking Joke since Eery last goddamn Dollar She Spent wasn’t Earned by Her but Her Husband again These are Trophy Wives or Eye Candy for Cash). Anyway She’s Bitching that Her Husband wanted the Credit Card Company American Express to give Her one of Their Elitest of the Elite Black AmEx. If You Don’t know about the Mysterious AmEx Black Card You’re Not the Only one by Far. Simply put You can’t Apply for One AmEx has to give You One since to get One You have to Spend a MINIMUM of $250,000 a Year using it.

Lastly on the Subject of Exceptional Assholes was a Woman who was buying Dog Food who was standing behind another woman who was paying Her Bill. The Entire Time the Woman in front is Paying the Lady standing behind Her started gawking at the Woman’s Obscene Wedding Ring sporting a Grotesque Diamond. Long Story short the Two Women started a Heated Clout Debate over Who’s Ring was Better and what Their Rings were Worth. This was an utterly Pointless Situation started by One Rich Asshole just to Talk shit to Another Rich Asshole. Finally it’s worth Noting that the Sickeningly Extravagant Diamonds in those (and Other) Rings are Worth so Much that Rich Assholes have Them removed and Store Them in a Bank Safety Deposit Box. The Actual Real Diamonds are Replaced with Usually High End Crystal.

I think its Safe to Say that We all Know Wealthy People are Monumental Motherfuckers.They think because They have Money Everyone Else should give Them whatever the fuck They Want Whenever They want it. Money may be the Root of All Evil, but it Also the Great Stupefier of Humanity since as Soon as Someone gets Rich Their IQ’s Lower and They increasingly Act like Total Entitled Asshole that We have All come to Hate. These are the Kind of Assholes that Recoil at the word “No” because They’re so used to People kissing Their Asses enabling Them to act like They have No Idea that No is an Actual Word. Lastly I’ll add that when it comes to Difficult Clients the Veterinary Clinics/Hospitals have a Code  for them which is PIA. PIA is Reserved for Habitual Crappy Clients, and Stands for “Pain In The Ass” so if You happen to see this written on the inside of Your Pet’s File best to Reevaluate Your fucking Life.

     

On this Particular Day one of Our PIA Clients called Frantic about Her Dog. She wasn’t an Outright Asshole She was just so God Awful Stupid that it made Dealing with Her feel like Pulling fucking Teeth. I will simply Refer to Her as Moronic Mary for the Rest of this Post. I asked Her what the Problem with Her Dog was and She said the Following. “I was watching Talkshows while I was Petting My Dog. I rubbed His Belly and I felt a Bunch of Little Lumps, and I Don’t Know if Their Insect Bites or Tumors Do You think My Dog has Cancer?” At this Point I had to Remind Her that I wasn’t the Actual Vet and even if I was I can’t Diagnosis Her Dog over the fucking Phone. This only served to get Her more fucking manic then She already was. I informed Her that luckily We had a Cancelation for an Afternoon Appointment and I would gladly Pencil Her In. She then damn well Demanded to have Her Dog seen IMMEDIATELY! She Fully Expected Us to Drop whatever We were Doing, and Clear the Vet’s Schedule for the Day to Dedicate 100% of Everyone’s Attention on Her Dog and Her Dog Alone. Moronic Mary Tried Again and Again Futilely to Force Me Somehow giving Her what She wanted. It was just Another Rich Asshole Preaching from the The Billionaire’s Big Book of Bullshit.

Well Finally the Time came for Moronic Mary’s Afternoon Appointment which She was around 20-25 minutes late for. Now I’m going to take a Moment to Vent here so Hold On. You see I don’t fucking Understand how a Pet Owner can be SO Concerned about Their Pet that They Demand to be Seen IMMEDIATELY (in a Non Emergency Situations), and After the Nonsensical Drama They then Show the fuck Up Late. You just want to get in Their fucking Face and and Scream “SERIOUSLY YOU ASSHOLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PET EARLIER THAT YOU PITCHED A FULL ON FIT, AND NOW YOU STROLE IN HERE LATE LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL? FUCK YOU BUDDY.” Talk about being a Self Centered Self Serving Piece of Shit with Absolutely No regard for Anyone Else but Now I will Digress.

I escorted Moronic Mary and Her Dog into an Exam Room and let the Dr. Rick everything was Set. Dr. Rick entered the Exam room Dressed in in a Ugly Cliche Hawaiian Themed Scrub Top (without a Shirt underneath mind You as is the Practice) Worn Jeans, and clunky old brown Work Boots, and Trade Mark Sunglasses. He came in with a Smirk which was an Indicator He wasn’t looking forward to Dealing with this Particular Client, and 10 to 1 He was going to Talk a Little Shit/Malevolently Fuck with Them  to make it worth His While. Also in All Honestly  it was always Extremely Entertaining when He opted to fuck with Difficult or Dumbass Clients making the Whole Ordeal somewhat Tolerable.

I lifted the Dog which by the Way was a King Charles Spaniel which was one of the More Popular Breeds in the Area. I guess Someone/Something has to Keep the Drunken Trophy Wives Company since the Husbands were Workaholics and 99% of Them sure as Hell didn’t have Kids Either. So I do the Whole Restraining or Preemptive Restraining to be More Exact. The Preemptive Restraining is like a Hug where You Place one Arm Under the Dogs Belly in front of the Back Legs like a Seatbelt. Your Other Arm you put Around the Dogs Neck like a Canine Version of a Headlock, and the Reason for this is if the Dog Acts Out be it due to Pain/Discomfort or Aggression You again Act like a Seat Belt and Tighten Your Grip Accordingly (Just in case Anyone was fucking Wondering). Moronic Mary was all Flustered and was acting as if She was on the fucking Brink of a fucking Panic Attack, or in My Personal Opinion She was Acting like a Tweeked Out Meth Addict. Dr. Rich started His Physical Exam where He ran His hands Over the Dog from Head to Tail feeling For Injuries/Pain/Abnormalities/Joint and Spine Issues etc.

After letting Moronic Mary simmer in Her own Insanity for a minute or two Dr. Rich at last asked Her what the Reason was that She had brought Her Dog in. Well being fucking True to Form Moronic Mary starts to Retell the Story She Told Me Only this Version was Longer, More Detailed, More Dramatic than the Previous Telling. The Entire time Moronic Mary is ranting away like a Possessed Woman Dr. Rich just Stood There Examining the Dog with a Shit Eating Grim plastered across His Face. Once Moronic Mary literally ran out of Breath Dr. Rich informed Her that during His Cursory Exam had Not Felt any Abnormal Lumps. He then Asked Moronic Mary to Please Show Him exactly what the fuck She was Talking About.

We then Proceeded t get the Dog to Lay Down on its Side so Dr. Rich could Checkout these Mysteriously Non Present Lumps when Moronic Mary located Them to Show Him. This is when the STUPID SHIT HIT THE FUCKING FAN. Moronic Mary proceeded to Show Dr. Rich the Unknown Lumps which in Reality were the Dog’s Nipples, BUT That’s Not All! Dr. Rich with a look of Disbelief informs Moronic Mary that the Lumps She was concerned with are in fact just regular old Nipples. What Moronic Mary Said Next I will remember to the fucking Day I Die “But…He’s a Boy Dog???” at which Point Dr. Rich looking a little Unsure of How to Handle Someone so Painfully Ignorant. Lucky for Him Dr. Rich was Quick on His Feet and Calmly and as Politely as Possible all things Considered that Yes Her Boy Dog has Nipples just like Her Husband is a Boy and He Too has Nipples.

So in Summation an Adult Woman felt Lumps on Her Dog’s Belly, Freaked Out, Called The Vet in a Panic, Acts Demanding and Belligerent. She then precedes to Show the fuck Up around 20-25 Minutes Late Only to Diagnosis Her Boy Dog with Nipples. This Dumbfounded the Moronic Client Who for some fucking reason Though Men of the 2 or 4 Legged Didn’t have Nipples since They Don’t Nurse Babies. Then a Highly Educated Veterinarian had o Explain the whole fucking “Men have Nipples Too” impromptu Anatomy Lesson pertaining to Humans and Animals. Now after Reading this when I say the VAST MAJORITY of People Today are fucking Fucktarded Idiots I dare Someone to Argue with Me (Only Partially Joking).

It is What it Is,

  By les Sober

Grindcore, Goregrind, & Pornogrind It’s All Good

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post Pertaining to Generes Gridcore, Goregrind, & Pornogrind Music. One of the Most Entertaining Factor’s of these Niche  Genres is that the Music/Album Art/Lyrics are an Unofficial Ongoing Competition. The Competition amongst the Type of Bands is to be MORE Obscene, Violent, Gory, Shocking, Repulsive, and Offensive than Their Contemporaries. For Those Who May Not be aware Here is a Very Brief Description of Each of the Aforementioned Musical Genres.

GRINDCORE: Grindcore is a More Noise Filled Style of Hardcore Punk while using Hardcore’s Trademark Characteristics like Heavily Distorted, Down Tuned Guitars, Grinding Overdriven Bass, High Speed Tempo, Blast Beats, and Unique Vocal Style that Consists of Growls, Grunts, Screaming, High Pitched Shrieks, and Guttural.

GOREGRIND: Goregrind (a Sub Genre of Grindcore) is Defined by Detuned Guitars, Blasting Drums (Sometimes with a High Tuned, Clanging ‘Biscuit Tin’ Snare Drum Sound), Sickening Lyrics, and Utilize EXTREMELY LOW or Pitch Shifted Vocals Often sounding like Pig Grunts and Squeals.

PORNOGRIND: Pornogrind is Related to the Goregrind Subgenre  that’s General Themes are Centered Around Sexual Themes. Common Pornorgrind Reoccurring Themes are Porno, Fetishes, Fucking, Girls, Murder, and Gore. Pornogrind also uses Revolting Sound Effects to add an Additional Gross Out Factor/ Offensive Factor including, BUT Not limited to Fart Sound Effects, Explosive Diarrhea, Projectile Vomiting, Porno or Horror Movie Clips, and Violence.

    

So with all that shit when I get Bored or have some Time to Kill I do dumb shit like Coming Up with Either Or Grindcore/Goregrind/Pornogrind Band Names or Album Titles. Now Here is the List I have Created and Compiled over Time.

1. Queen Face   2. Smeghead   3. Rotting Cunt  

4. Cavernous Cunt   5. Rectal Discharge   6. Assface  

7. Vaginal Invasion  8. Cock Rot  9. Eat Shit   

10. Rotten Pecker 11. Full Blow Aides To The Face

12. Point Blank Buttfuck  13. The Kings Of Bukkake   14.Shit Out Of Luck

15. Bloody Feces  16. Brutal Bukkake  17. Parasitic Pussy  18. Vaggash

19. Vaginal Jesus  20. Decomposing Clit  21.Decaying Genital

22. 10″ Taint  23. Rectal Birth  24. Vaginal Enema. 25. Sex Piss

26. Rotting Vag  27. Decomposing Cunts  28. Pussy Pie  29. Fuck Stick

30. STD (Sex Torture Death)  31. Mangled Genitals  32. Crotch Rot

33. Vaginal Vomit  34. Rectal Vaginitis  35. Rectal Prolapse  36. Ass Meat

37. Oozing Cunt  38. Cannibalistic Syphilis  39. Vaginal Discourse

40. Ejaculation Feces  41. Cuntfuck  42. Cuntfucker  43. Cunt Fucked

44. Up To The Nuts In Guts  45. Gash Slasher  46. Kick In The Cunt

47. Nipple Clamp Execution  48. Asseaters  49. Eater Of Ass

50. Castrate Christ  51. Piss Christ  52. Anal Abortion

53. Anal Alien Invaders  54. Rectal Invasion  55. AssFuck. 56. Assfucked

57. AssFucker  58. Anal Impalement 59. Cockrockers

60. Vaginal Defication  61. Anal Fisher  62. Rectum Stretcher

63. Necrosexual  64. Severed Genitals  65. Sodomized By Satan

66. Shitty Shitty Gangbang  67. Fletch  68. Cum Here

69. The Young Cocksmen  70. The Salty Yogurt Slingers  71. 3 Whole Whore

72. Menstruation Massacre 73. Autopsy Sodomy  74. Fuck The Dead

75. Defiling Corpse  76. Whoremonger  77. Analocolypse

78. Buttmeat Penis  79. Diarrhea Sluts  80. Fucked With Feces

81. Fuckacide  82. Hate Fuck. 83. Ragerrection  84. Rage Shit

85. Drunk As Fuck  86. Anal Gape  87. Skullfucker  88.Skullfucked

89. Whorebitch  90. Flesh Peddler  91. Smut  92. Bull Dyke

93. Smut Peddler  94. Venomous Vaginas  95. Cunt Full Of Teeth

96. Rectum Ripper  97. Analize  98. Analecotmy  99. Muff Diver

                   

100. Muff Divers  101. Lusting Lipstick Lesbians  102. Hair Pie

103. The Rimjobs  104. Jerk Off Jerry And The Wankers  105. Fuck You Phil

106. Jack Off Jack  107. The Jerk Offs  108. The Motherfuckers

109. Fuck The Fetus  110. Gangrenous Genitals  111. Ass Splatter

112. Cum Guzzler  113. Cum Gargler  114. Cumsplat  115. Cum Stain

                   

116. Shit Stain  117. SuckaFuck  118. Fuckass  119. Monster Cunt

120. Mung  121. Clitlicker  122. Bloody Stool  123. Anal Seepage 

124. Septic Semen  125. Toxic Shock Syndrome  126. Sloppy Snatch

127. Beef Curtains  128. Beefy Cunt  129. Cuntasaurous Sex. 130. Cock Snot

131. Death Shart  132.Blood Shart. 133. Jack MeOff

                     

134. Dirty Fucking Junkie  135. Let’s Hump  136. Milkshake Shits

137. Gas Station Sushi Shits  138. Shit Soup  139. Bowling For Feces

140. Shitting Soup  141. Starting On My Balls  142. The Squirters

143. Shitting On Seinfeld  144. Tumbleweed Toilet Paper  145. Poopatorium

146. Shitting My Ass Off  147. Hey You Shitter  148. Public Toilet Terrorist

149. The Carp Trap  150. The Creepy Crapper  151. The Shittening 

152. Shitocolypse  153. Shiatacane Season 154. The Shit Abyss

155. Shit Sandwich  156. Tall Glass Of Shut The Fuck Up  157. What A Turd

158. Bullshitter  159. Bullshiting a Bullshitter  160. Home Of Halitosis 

161. Outhouse Whore  162. Praying To The Porcelain God  163. Craptacular

164. Vomiting Out My Ass  165. ABS (Always BE Shitting)  

166. The Colonic King  167. Eatable Enema  168. Punks Proctologist

169. Itchy Asshole Issues  170. Diarrhea Downpour  171.Shitting Skies

172. The Terrible Turd  173. Ass Eating Asshole  174. Don’t Give A Shit

175. Go Shit Yourself  176. Taking A Dump At The Dump  177. Shiticide

178. The Poop Deck Problem  179. Fun With Feces  180. Smells Like Shit

181. Scatological Studies  182. Institute of Scatology  183. I Be Shitting (IBS)

184. I Gotta Take A Shit  185. The Gay Buday   186. Rectum Ripper

187. This Restroom Is A Shithole  188. I Can’t Stop Shitting  189. Blumpkin

190. I Shit Blood  191. Bongs And Dongs  192. Poop Porn  193. Shitty Tits

                   

194. Titty Fucking Fool  195. Fucked With Feces  196. Shit On You

197. From Pooping To Prolapse  198. Surgically Reconstructed Asshole

199. Who’s This Asshole?!  200. Scummy Shit  201. Shady As Shit

202. Sleazy Shit  203. Hot As Shit  204. Hot Shit  205. In The Shit

206. WHat’s This Shit?!  207. Knew Deep In Shit 208. Stupid Shit

209. Up Shit Creek Without A Paddle  210. Doomsday Dildos

211. Toilet Seat Sluts  212. Gas Pump Pimps  213. Urinal Euphoria

214. Who gives A Shit?  215. Fuck My Life  216. Well Shit On Me

217. Take This Happy Horseshit And Shove It Up Your Ass

218. I Call Bullshit  219. Pure Manure  220. Uncut Cocaine  221. Piss’n Shit

222. Nutting Narcotics  223. Puking On My Cock While Taking A Shit

224. I’m Having A Shit  225. Fecal Float  226. Rim Job Jerk Offs

227. Looking For Dummies  228. Tube Steak Sizzler  229. Shit Stew

230. There’s A Shitstorm Brewing In My Bowels

231. King Of The Crapper  232. Seriously Sinister Shit  233. Old School Shit

                   

234. Old School Shit  235. Being A Total Dick  236. Shitting On Your Parade

237. Shitwich  238. Legend Of The 2 Pound Turd  239. Talking Shit

238. Sometime You Gotta Eat Shit  239. Sneaky Little Shit  

240. Rectum Stretching Shit  241. Butt Plugged  242. Shit Happens

243. The Story Of Shitty Bill  244. The Asshole Anthem  245. Shit Talker

246. Talking Shit While Taking A Shit  247. Shit Talking Assholes

248. Bullshit Artist  249. Bullshitters Anonymous  250. Asswipe Arron

251. The Butthole Blues  252. The Butt Trumpet Orchestra  253. Tough Shit

254. All Ass Instrumental  255. Sodomized With Shit  256. Shit For Brains

257. Teddy The Talking Turd  258. Bruised Buttholes  259. Shit Shake

260. Teaing Off Heads And Shitting Down Necks  261. Suck Shit

262. You Butt Hurt About it Bro?!  263. Anal Armageddon 263. Shitcile

264. Empire Of Assholes  265. Mr. Brown Eye  266. A World Of Shit

268. Crap Covered Cornhole  269. Cornholing Drunks 

270. The Mangina Monologues  271. Mangled Mangina

272. Shit On A Shingle  273. Donkey Punched In The Fart Box

274. Starring In The Eyes Of My Ass  275. Shitty Shit 276. Craptacular

277. Opinons And Assholes  278. I’m Going To Shit On Your Grave

279. Shit Your Shorts  280. Welcome To The Shitshow

281. I Shit On Squatty Potties  282. Port-A-Potty Poet

                   

283. Public Restroom Retards  284. Fucktarded  285. Turd Polish

286. Your Shit DOES STINK  287. Shit Stink  288. Stank Breath

289. Crap On A Cracker  290.Holy Shit  291. Happy As A Pig In Shit

292. I See Shitty People  293. The Constipation Conundrum 

294. Are Farts Supposed To Be Lumpy?!  295. Fire In The Hole

296. Hairy Hump Hole  297. Tastes Like Ass  298. Smells Like Shit In Here

299. Up Your Ass And To The Left  300. Fistfucker  301. Fistfucked

302. The Shocker  303. Backdoor Bitches  304. Bitches & Bastards

305. Up The Shitter (UTS)  306. Nice Ass Can I Eat Breakfast Off It?!

307. Hershey Squirts  308. Accidentally Crapping On The Carpet

309. Shit City  310. Shitty City  311. City Of Shit  312. Front To Back

313. Shitting Out Of Control  314. Shite Ain’t Right 

315. Flatulence The Pre Poop Warning  316. There’s A Turd On My Taint

317. Assembly Of Assholes  318. Shitty Like An Asshole  

319. Songs To Shit To  320. Assclown Circus  321. Hemorrhoid Hell

322. Straining To Shit  323. Getting Shitfaced Again  324. The Brown Note

325. Friendly Ass Biter  326. Colostomy Bag Boy  327. Assgasm

328. The Butthole Loophole  329. Skinny Chicks With Boney Butts

330. Shitting Yourself Insane  331. Life In A World Of Shit

332. Get To Shitting  333. Stop Being A Dick  334.Septic Tank Sayings

335. Shitbag  336. Coffee Makes Me Crap  337. WTF Is Anal Leakage?!

338. Ass Cancer  339. Booty Bombs  340. Booty Bandit  341. Shit Sale

342. Toilet Tunes  343. Filling The Turd Bucket 344. Sleep Fart Syndrome

345. Human Pooper Scooper  346. Cum Dumpster Fire  

347. Watch My Back While I Take A Shit  348. Shit People Say

349. You Don’t Know Shit  350. Steaming Pile Of Poop  

351. Steaming Pile of Shit  352. 3 Flush Floater  353. It’s The Season Of Shit

354. Toilet Plunger Possibilities  355. Shitting Like A Savage

356. Drain-O A GoGo  357. Shitheads Vs. Dickheads  358. Shitface

359. Sick As Shit  360. Can’t Bullshit A Bullshitter  361. Shit The Bed

362. Flush That Turd Down The Drain  363. She Seriously Shits The Sheets

364. Elbows And Assholes  365. Piss Pot Princess  366. Shat Splatter

367. Shat Is Where It Is At  368. 2 Ply Or Goodbye  369. Rid-Ex Sex

370. The Difference Between Assholes And Holes In The Ground

371. I Can’t Find My Ass With Both Hands  372. Bed Pan Splash Back

373. Pay To Poop  374.Shake It More Then Twice You’re Playing With It

374. Mondo Duke  375. Papa Starts  376. MC Bubble Guts  

377. Outrageous Asshole  378. Vile Vagina  379. Clusterfucked

380. Cannibalizing Cunts  381. Rectal Vomit  382. Puke Porn

383. Malevolent Masturbation  384. Oily Fart  385.  Sweaty Under Boob

386. Corroded Clit  387. Pussy Fart. 388. Necrophalic  

389. Triple X Sex  390. Fuck Films  391. Porn Shop Prostitutes

392. Making Asshole Get Angry (MAGA)  393. Long Pig Penis 

394. Hell If I Know  395. Cock Knocker  396. Spermicidal Jellyfish

397.  Nut Sack Sinners  398. FuckSlut  399. Cunt Fart  400.The Manginas

401. The Fuck Me Pumps  402. The Gash  403. The Furious Fist Fucking 5

404. To The Tits  405. Poor Drunk Bastards  406. Manwhore

407. Hungry Hungry Hookers  408. Homocide  409. Crusty Clam

410. Harry Taco And The One Eyed Worms  411. Fight Anal Retention

412. Humphole  413. The DPs  414. Force Fed Feces  415. Puking Piss

416. Shit Smear  417. Glory Hole Gods  418. Urinal Utopia 

419. The Bellends  420. Fucked For Life  421. GOPieces Of Shit

422. Republicunts  423. The Slutty Whores  424. Whorish

425. Motherhumping Christ  426. Christ’s Cunt  427. Jesus Fucking Christ

428. Here Comes The Fuck  429. The Anal Allstars  430. Jerk Off Jamboree 

431. Pissfuck  432. Dick Weed And The Awful Orifices  433. The Punters

434. The Pedos  435. Scumfuck  436. Scumfucker  

437. The Bastard Brigade  438. Shorty Waffles  439. Get Fucked  

440. Get Fucked  441. Screw You  442. Furious Finger Fucking

443. Pungent Pussy  444. Repugnant Penis  445. Wad Blower

446. Johnny Wad Rides Again  447. Hung Like Hell  448. Monster Cock

449.  General Genitorture  450. Compound Of Cunt  451. Sexorrist

452. Maxi Pad And The Heavy Flow  453. Ponder This Shit 

454. Sweaty Slit  455. United States Of Anal  456. Fuck The World

457. So Fucking What (SFW)  458. Pussy Popping Priests

459. Slamming Ass  460. Bumping Uglies  461. The Beast With 2 Backs

462.  Colostomy Bag Copulation  463. Dick Docking Dilemma 

464. Anal Orgies  465. Sir Fuck-A-Lot  466. Grab Ass Gangsters

467. The Stench Of Sex  468. Sex On A Slip’n Slide  

469. Just The Tip  470. Gobs Of Gash  471. The Mad Twatter

472. Snatchology  473. Fuckology. 474. Fuck 101  475. Facefucked Fools

478. Lusting Lucifer  479. Long Dong Silver Away  480. Wonderfuck

481. Gash Basher  482. Pounding Pussy  483. Fugly  484. Sexual Sadist

485. John Wayne Gacy Is Gay  486. Porn Shop Prostitutes

485. Johnny Wad Was Right  486. Addicted To Dick  487. Scrotal Tuck

         

488. Labia Loving Lesbians  489. Sex Toy Slaughter  490. Mung Mouth

491. Colonics Make Me Horny  492. Who Gives A Flying Fuck

493. Dildos Of The Dammned  494. Kick In The Crotch

 495.A Forest Of  Morning Wood  

496. Spanking Monkeys And Choking Chickens  497. The Bearded Clam

         

498. The Cock Ring King  499. Pussy Full Of Puss  

500. Friends Of A Sex Fiend

 

It Is What It Is,

 By Les Sober

Scammer Tried Scamming And Got His Ass Handed To Him

So since the dawn of fucking Humanity there have been piece of shit Scammers. One of the Biggest Types of Scams as We are All Aware is Counterfeiting. Counterfeiting has gone hand in hand with Humanity.  People have been creating Fake Products and Money since the fucking Dawn of Time. A Few Examples Counterfeiting from Throughout History such as the Invention of Colored Glass at the Time of the Roman Empire. Surprisingly this fucking led to a Sudden Massive Increase in Fake Gems Stones such as Rubys and shit.

Then Back in the fucking 1800’s the Country was fucking Infested with Medical Bullshitters Known as fucking Snake Oil Salesmen. Snake Oil Salesmen sold Phony Medical Elixirs/Medicines that were Billed as Miracle Cures for fucking Any and All Medical Diseases, Problems, or Afflictions Whatever the fuck that Means) that You had. “Do You Suffer from Mind fucking Migraines, Stage fucking 4 Brain Cancer, Syphilis (Apparently everyone back then was a Slut so Damn Near every motherfucker had an STD Syphilis was in particularly Popular, Arthritis, Cold/Flu, Pain of any Kind, Digestive Issues (Ex. IBS), and Menstruation Issues? Have No Fear Ladies and fucking Gentlemen all You have to do is just DRINK THIS SHIT! Once the Medicine/Elixir starts to fucking Work You’ll become Symptom Free You will Actually Feel better than You have Ever Before in Your Entire Life! You’ll be Stronger, Taller, and Healthier than You could even IMAGINE!!” Not to fucking Mention at the time these So Called Medicines were Primarily a Harmless Liquid combined with a Variety of fucking Hardcore Narcotics like fucking Morphine, Alcohol, Cocaine, Heroin, or at Least fucking Alcohol (Ex. Whiskey). Obviously these Bullshit Remedies didn’t Cure a fucking thing. All these Concoctions accomplished to do is Seriously fuck Customers Up. They fucked Customers so Much that They didn’t care anymore about Their Health Problems (or Anything fucking Else for that Matter). I mean Seriously the Primary fucking reason People Drink or Do Drugs is to Stop Giving a Flying Fuck about all the Bullshit They have to Deal with.

                   

Then in the Early 1900’s Snake Oil Salesmen became a New Type of Assholes when They ditched the Fake Fucking Medicines in Favor of Quack Medical Devices. Once again None of these Alleged Treatments did a goddamn thing to Help Anyone in the fucking Least. These absurd fucking Treatments didn’t even get You fucking High usually They were Uncomfortable as Fuck or Outright fucking Painful. Not only were these Treatments a complete fucking Fraud They could fuck up the patient even Worse. The reason all these Scumfuck Scammers could Peddle these Fraudulent Medical Devices or Treatments is that the Government didn’t Require any fucking  Medical Proof that a Treatment Worked. This led to allowing Anyone to Claim Anything did Everything under the fucking Sun. Fast Forward to the Rampant Greed when Cash was fucking King of the 1980’s. In the 80’s it became fucking Common Place (and Considered just the Price of Doing Business) for Stock Brokers to Promote any Stock regardless if it was Worth a Damn. So Stock Brokers started hawking All kinds of Shit Stocks to Their Clients because They didn’t give a Shit about Their Clients. It became All about  was the Stock Broker’s Commission, and getting Obscenely Rich off Bullshitting Their Clients into Buying Worthless fucking Stocks.

With the Invention of the Internet Scamming was taken to a Whole New fucking Level. From the Earliest Days of their Internet with the Nigerian Prince Email Scams. This Type of Scam is Seriously Fucktarded I mean the Premise  Alone is utterly fucking Unbelievable, and to be Honest I really have No fucking Clue HOW Anyone could Fall for Such Blatant Bullshit. The Scam Basically claims a Prince or Diplomat is Stuck in Africa by No Fault of Their Own. Then the Scammer would Claim that on Top of being Stranded that for Some Vague and Ridiculous Reason They ALSO had Their Bank Accounts Frozen. Then the Scammer would ask or flat out or even resort to Pleading/Begging the Victim to Help Them out. To Help the Scammer makes Absolutely Insane Proposition which is if the Victim Sends the Several Thousands of fucking Dollars to Unfreeze Their Finances, and in Return for the Help They will Repay the Victim with Millions of Dollars.

Now I could go on All fucking Day about this Scam, but I’ll just sum it the fuck up like this. Even if You Play Devil’s Advocate the Scam is Absurd because WHY the fuck would a African Prince/Diplomat/Royalty Who was in Such a Dire Situation reach out to COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER(S) in a Different Country across the fucking Ocean?! What the fuck is that about Don’t They have Friends or Family They could Contact or a Government Office or Authority for Help?! Once You ask Yourself that Basic Question You See Immediately that the African Prince’s Email Plea for Help is a Rather Pathetically Planned Scam.

A Few Examples of Current ongoing Scams includes, but is Not Limited to the The IRS Scam, Romance Scam, Pop Up Scam, PayPal Scam, Refund Scam, Amazon Scam, Crypto Scams, Netflix Scam, Roku Scam, Extended Warranty Scam, or Social Security Number Scam. With the Addition of Social Media it Provided a Breeding Ground for Scammers to Scam, Communicate, Exchange People’s Personal Information, and Coordinate Scams. All You have to do to see this for Yourself is to Spend a Couple Minutes on Telegram the Dark Wed Equivalent of Social Media Platforms. Telegram is Nothing but a Criminal Platform for Scammers, Pedophiles, Racist Groups, Terrorist Groups, and Extremists, BUT that’s an Another Post unto itself. Let’s fucking Face It People as a Whole are Egotistical Animals that because We have Thumbs, and Walk Upright We that makes Us the Center of the fucking Universe.

                   

So just the Other Day a New Mom and Pop Coffee Shop Opened in a Near by Town from where I Live, and I fully Believe in Supporting Both Local and Small Businesses. Fuck Big Box Bullshit Store like Walmart or fucking Target. I believe in Financially Crippling Corporations while Simultaneously Bankrupting Billionaires. Bottomline Riot Against the Rich and Eat the Elite. With that said the Coffee Shop in question is a fucking Poor Excuse for a Coffee Shop believe You Me. Just imagine Someone created a Cheap and Even Worse Version of Starbucks Run by a Bunch of Unpleasant Cunts.

Seriously These fucking Employees acted as if They were in a fucking Prison Cafeteria or some shit like that. They were Cold as fuck with Eat Shit Scowls  plastered Across Their Faces that made Resting bitch Face look like an Ear to fucking Ear Smile. It wouldn’t have Surprised Me if a fucking Full Blown Riot Broke Out where Customers (and the Staff Alike) Started Shiving the shit Out of Each Other. All this should have served as fucking Foreshadowing for the Events to Come that’s fucking for sure.

As soon as I got My Coffee I exited the Shop post fucking Haste as all I had thought about since Entering was Exiting. Granted I Drive what most People would Refer to as a Big Ass Truck complete with Big Nasty Trailer Hitch. Being that the Coffee Shop is in a rather Small Town there was More than Ample Parking. There was so much fucking Available Parking it was like a fucking Zombie Apocalypse had Occurred. Honestly there fucking wasn’t a Single fucking Car that I could fucking See Parked ANYWHERE. In Spite of this the Only Asshole Who came to the Coffee Shop while I was There Parked Directly Behind Me. I mean the Asshole parked so fucking Close that They were Literally Bumper Fucking My Truck is All I’m saying. I admit I was still Contemplating How Crappy the Coffee Shop was and Forgot to Look Behind Me when I was Leaving. It didn’t even fucking Occur to Me that A) There was Anyone Else doing Anything in Town other then Me, and B) with all the Aforementioned Parking I never Though an Asshole would Park Behind Me (Not to Mention so fucking Insanely Close to Boot).

Well Needless to Say when I Put the truck in Reverse, Took My foot off the Brake and the Truck INSANELY SLOWLY Rolled Back. As Soon as I took My fucking Foot off the fucking Brake I felt a Small Bump and Immediately Pulled My Truck Forward. I then Turned the fucking Truck Off so I could Get Out and See if there was Any Damage. I really didn’t fucking think there would be Any since My Trailer Hitch Barely touched the Other Car’s Bumper. Now there was a TINY fucking Dent the Size of a fucking Quarter that could be Fixed by just Using a Toilet Plunger to Undo the Dent it’s Simple as fuck to do. I proceeded to reenter the Crappy Coffee Shop and inquired to Who the Owner of Said Vehicle Was. As it Turned Out it was the ONLY other fucking Customer to Show Up Other than This Guy the Place was a fucking Ghost Town. The Man was a Heavy Set and on the Short Side and was Dressed like a 1970’s Pimp. I’m not even Joking He was wearing a Vibrantly Purple 3 Piece Suit complete with a Wide Brimmed Hat and a Cane for Aesthetics. I couldn’t Help Wonder even with the Addition of the Internet WHERE did this fucking Guy Buy such a Suit in the First Place. Once the Shock of the Man’s Outrageously Ugly Suit I informed Him of what the fuck Happened, and We ventured Outside so He could See the “Damage” for Himself.

   

  • So when We get to this Man’s Car He took a Glance at His Bumper and States “We can this Handle Ourselves”. Instantly I fucking knew I had a Lowly Scammer on My Hands. The Protocol is if You’re in ANY kind of Automobile Altercation You call the fucking Cops who take a Report to be Submitted to the Insurance Companies. It took only a matter of a Few fucking Seconds for the Man to Insist I Owed Him $50 for the Damage which was Absolutely fucking Fucktarded. Now I’m sure this Motherfucker thought He had an Easy Mark in a Supposedly Nervous White Kid, BUT Boy Oh fucking Boy was He wrong as Fuck. I immediately Stated that I wasn’t giving Him a Goddamn Dime Not Now Not Ever.

The Man ignored Me and Continued Pushing His Scam. It’s Significant to Mention this Happened in the Middle of the Day in a Small Rural Farming Community on Main Street, and the Obscenity Laden Language I was using is Utterly Uncommon for the fucking Bible Belt. Seriously these are the Type of People that freaked the fuck out when an Actor in the Movie in Gone With The Wind said “Frankly Scarlett I Don’t give a Damn.” Also I stuck out like a Sore fucking Numb as Well because I don’t look like the fucking Locals. The Locals have an Unofficial Uniform consisting of Generic Blue Jeans, T-Shirt with some fucking Animal on it, and a Baseball Cap which makes Everyone look like a Redneck Clone of Each Other. I on the Other Hand Wear Death Metal/Goregrind Band T-Shirts, Black Jeans, Sunglasses, and a Hat that Reads “G_ F_ck Y__rs_lf and Under that “Want to Buy a Vowel?” Not to mention I have Long ass Hair, Prominent Tattoos, a Righteous Wild Man Goatee, and Do Not give a Flying Fuck about Social Norms.

                       

This Standoff if You will Continued like this for about half a fucking Hour as He demanded Cash and Me telling Him Not a Chance in Hell. Then an Epiphany Hit Me like a Ton of fucking Bricks and I knew right then and there I had this Scammer backed into a fucking Corner. You See the Fact this Scammer Shithead was so fucking Insistent when it came to NOT contacting the Cops let Me know I had the Advantage. That’s when I switched up My Strategy and gave the Scammer an Ultimatum. Either He could Shut the Fuck Up, Walk Away, and We’d Hopefully never see Each other Again. And if He was that fucking Bent Out of Shape about His fucking Bumper then I’d Gladly Call the Cops. As You might Imagine the Scammer recoiled at the Idea of the Cops like a fucking Vampire from a Cross. I cut the Scammer Off because I was fucking sick and tired of going in Circles and getting fucking No Where. I laid into the Scammer Repeating Louder and More Aggressive as I went Repeating My Ultimatum. This threw the Scammer off His Game, BUT He sure as Hell wasn’t letting this shit go as He started Babbling like a Tongue Tied Village Idiot. At this Point I was Extremely Pissed Off which Prompted Me to Tell the Scammer that My Drivers License and Insurance were Clean, I didn’t have Contraband (anything You wouldn’t want a Cop to fucking Find) on Me or In My truck, and I didn’t have any Outstanding Legal Issues like a Warrant for Example.

                   

See My Epiphany I mentioned Earlier was that Last Thing the Low Life Scumfuck Scammer wanted was to have the Cops Come. This is Quite Obviously because Unlike Me He DID have something to Hide that He sure as Hell didn’t want the Cops to Discover. Knowing this Meant I had the Upper Hand since like I said I was Free and Clear of any Issue/Problem with the Cops. At this Point I pulled My Phone Out and Pulled Up the Local Police Phone Number from My Contacts (I have Friends/Family that live in that Area so that’s Why I had the Cops in My Contacts) and Held the Phone Up so the Scammer Could See It. Once again the Scammer tried to Bullshit about the Situation which caused Me to Shove My Phone in the Scammers Face to make My fucking Point. Believe it Or Not the Scammer Switched Gears from Stand Offish to Trying to Win Me over with be Ungodly Friendly as if We’d known Each other Since Childhood. I informed Him We weren’t Friends and never fucking would be So let’s stay on Point and deal the Bumper Bumping Issue. The Scammer was Struggling as He hadn’t Expected to Encounter a Foul Mouthed, Aggressive, and Head Strong Individual that wasn’t about to take Shit from any-fucking-one. Perhaps around this Point the Scammer FINALLY started to Realize He couldn’t Win though He Kept trying for awhile Longer.

The Scammer started to Haggle over the Price He wanted for the “Damage” to His Bumper (Though His Car was a Beater Piece of Shit that looked like He was Living in It), and Tried to Start a Negotiation. He First reduced His Price by Knocking $20 off and said He’d settle for $30 instead. This Strategy Failed as Badly as His Previous Strategies and I Told Him Once again that I wasn’t giving Him one Red fucking Cent. Then the Scammer reduced His Price again to $20 as if He thought He was Haggling in a fucking Pawn Shop. I was fucking Dumbfounded when the Scammer Shitfuck still kept up His Fucktarded Price Brokering. The Scammer once again Cut the Price in Half to $10 and I Utterly Lost My Shit and then Some. I Damn Near Yelled Directly in the Scammers Face that ONCE AGAIN I Wasn’t Giving Him Shit No Matter How Low He Went, and Then I Shoved My Phone Back in His Face but This Time I Hit the Dial Button.

That Move caused the Shitty Scammer to Panic as He had Figured Out that Not Only was He not getting a goddamn Dollar, But if the Cops came He’d have a real fucking Bad Day by Ending Up on the Wrong Side of the Law. The Scummy Scammer’s Eyes were as Wide as fucking Dinner Plates, He started Waving His Arms Frantically, and was Trying to Talk so Fast He just Talked Over Himself. I Hung Up before the Cops Answered as the Scammer was fucking Done and My Mission was a Success. As Soon as I hung Up I glared at the Shitsplat Scammer and told Him for the Last Time I’m NOT fucking Around which He now well Aware Of by Now. I then reiterated My Ultimatum for the Last fucking Time Walk the fuck Away or I’m calling the Cops. The Scammer at Last Admitted Total Defeat and Started Spouting bullshit about How He gets Along with Everyone. I immediately responded by Telling Him I’m Someone who is Part of Everyone and We weren’t getting Along just to be a Dick.

Thus in the End the Scammer fucked Off and I’ve never seen the Scumfuck again which is a Good Thing as if I do See the Motherfucker it’s going to be Round 2. The Moral to the fucking Story is Don’t take shit from Scammer Pieces of Shit. If Anyone try to Exploit You like this Tell’em to Get Fucked and Threaten to Call the Cops and You’ll be just fucking fine. In the End I did receive Several Phone calls that Evening from Friends who Reported How the Science on the Street had Apparently caught the Attention of every Driver on the Road. Now I have the reputation as the Local Psychopath that’s Best to Be Avoided, But Fuck It it Doesn’t Bother Me it Keeps Asshats the fuck Away from Me GREAT.

It is What it Is,

 By Les Sober

The Art Of Self Mummification

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post pertaining to the illegal Art Of Self Mummification. While the Practice of Mummification (made Famous by the Egyptians) has its Own Page in the Book of Demented History it like so many things gets Even More Extreme. And what could be more Extreme than Mummifying a Person’s Corpse? Well how about Mummifying Yourself while You’re still Alive. That was the Case in back in the Day with Certain Sects of Buddhist Monks in Japan until Emperor Meiji Outlawed the Practice along with any Forms of Suicide (even though those who Practiced Self Mummification did Not consider it Suicide) back in 1879. It’s important to Note that there was a Good Deal of Terminology So Much so that We decided (for Time and Length Purposes) to Comprise a Glossary. The Glossary is Located Below the Text for Your Connivence and Now back to the Interesting Shit. You might be Wondering What was the Practice of Someone Mummifying Themselves while Alive all about? Well let’s find out Shall We.

First off the Term used in for the Process of Self Mummification in Japan was called Sokushinbutsu which Translates to “Buddhas in Their Own Bodies.” Sokushinbutsu is referring to the practice of Buddhist Monks observing Asceticism to the Point of Death, and Preforming mummification upon Themselves while still Alive. Traditionally it was/is Believed that the Mummified Monks had entered a State of Deep Mediation rather than having Died, and that They were/are still able to Grant the Prayers of Their Partitioners. There are Cases of Other Buddhist Mummified Monks in Other Buddhist Countries especially in East Asia, but They were Mummified after Death from Natural Causes. It’s Believed that Shingon School founder Kukai was the One who introduced Sokushinbutsu to Japan as Part of Secret Tantric Practices that He had Learned while in Tang China. In Addition to that the Sokushinbutsu Ascetic Practices of Shengendo were likely Inspired by Kukai, Who was the Founder of Shingon Buddhism. Kukai ended His Life by Slowly Reducing His intake of Food and Water, Ingesting Natural Preservatives (to Aid in the Self Mummification Process), and then Stopping Food and Water intake all together while Continuing to Meditate and Chant Buddhist Mantras.

Ascetic Self Mummification Practices have also been Recorded in China, but are associated with Ch’an (Zen Buddhism) Tradition there. Alternate Ascetic Practices similar to Sokushinbutsu are also known to have Existed such as Public Self-Immolation practice in China. The Final Purpose of Shegendo is for the Practitioners to find Supernatural Power and Save Themselves (as well as the Masses) by Conducting Religious Training while Traveling through Steep Mountain Ranges to Achieve Buddha Nature. In the Mountain Dwelling Region of Japan Shugendo emerged as a Syncretism, and the Practice was Perfected Over Time Particularly in the Three Mountains of Dewa (Mount Haguro, Gassen, and Yudono).

Now We have touched on the History of Self Mummification, but as for Actual Process of Self Mummification We haven’t so Here We Go. The Practice of Self Mummification was Mainly Practiced in Yamagata in Northern Japan between the 11th and 19th Century by the Members of the Japanese Vajrayanc School of Buddhism called Shingon (which Translates to ‘True Word’). In Medieval Japan the Practice was Developed into a Specific Process for Sokushinbutsu which a Monk could Complete from Beginning to End in Approximately 3,000 Days. The Process involved a Strict Specialized Diet called Mokujiki which translates to “Eating a Tree” while Simultaneously Restricting Food. They also Slowly decreased Their Water Intake to Help Dehydrate Their Bodies and Shrink Their Internal Organs. At the End of the Process a Monk Abstained from All Food and Water relying on Pine Needles, Resins (example Tree Sap), as well as Seeds found in the Mountain Regions of Japan in Order to Eliminate All Fat in the Body. In Addition the Monks utilized Fasting and Meditation in order to Expedite the Process.

Once the Monk was Almost Diseased They were put into a Wooden Barrel and Lowered into the Ground before the Barrel was Covered with generous amount of Charcoal. The Monks would take a Small Hand Held Bell that They rang the Bell as the Chanted Buddhist Mantras until They Died. Once the Bell ceased ringing the Monks knew Their fellow Monk had indeed Died. The Body of the Now Diseased Monk was Left for in its Wooden Tomb for 1,000 Days before being Removed. Now here is the fucking Kicker out of the Hundreds of Monks Attempting Self Mummification ONLY 17 Actually Accomplished the Task. Imagine that Shit, Seriously how utterly fucked up is that We mean talk about shitty Odds. So after Enduring the Gruelingly Prolonged 3,000 Days of Continuing Agony Slowly Starving Yourself to the Brink of Death, Effectively then Buried Alive until You Die, and Once it was all Said and Done it fucking Didn’t Work.

By the End of the Process the Monks Died in a State of Jhana (Meditation) while They Chanted the Nenbutsu (a Mantra about Buddha), and Their Bodies would become Naturally Preserved from the Inside Out. The Mummified Monk’s Skin and Teeth remained intact without Decomposing with out the Use of Artificial Preservatives such as Embalming Fluid. It’s Important to Note that Many of the Existing Buddhist Mummies are Wearing Sunglass which does Seem fucking Odd. There is a Valid reason for this and the Reason is Human Eye Balls unlike Teeth/Skin Decay Away thus the Use of Sunglasses to Hide the Empty Hollow Eye Sockets. Many Buddhist Sokushinbutsu Mummies have been found in Northern Japan and are Estimated to be Several Centuries Old. Ancient Texts suggest Hundreds of Mummified Monks are Buried in the Stupas and in the Mountains of Japan (and are Revered by the Practitioners of Buddhism to this Very Day).

One of the Alters in the Honey-ji Temple of Yamagata Prefecture, which is a Prefecture of Japan Located in the Tohoku Region of Honshu, is the Home of one of the Oldest Mummies of the Sokushinbutst Ascetic named Honmyokai. There is at Least one Self Mummified Buddhist Monk  named Sangha Tenzin (who was more then likely a Practitioner of Tibetan Buddhism) from the Northern Himalayan Region of India that was Confirmed to be 550 year Old. Tenzin’s Mummy can be Viewed to this Day at a Temple in Gue Village, Spiti, Himachal Pradesh. As I stated before it is Important to Note the Practitioners of Sokushinbutsu DID NOT consider the Practice as an Act of Suicide, BUT rather as a Form of Enlightenment.

Glossary:

Asceticism: The Practice of Self Discipline and Abstinence from All Forms of Indulgence Typically for Religious Reasons Spiritual Goals.

Dzogpu-Chenpo: The Traditional Teaching in Indo-Tibetian Buddhism and Youngdrung Bon that is Aimed at Discovering/Continuing in the Ultimate.

Ground: is a Primordial State that is an Essential Component of the Both the Dzogpu Tradition and Bon Tradition from the Nyingma School of Tibetan Buddhism.

Syncretisym: Is the Combination of Different Religions, Cultures, Or Schools of Thought) between Vajrayana Buddhism, Shinto, and Taoism in the 7th Century which Stressed Ascetic Practices.

Stupas: A Mound like or Hemispherical Structure that contains Relics and are Used as a Place for Meditation.

Shut Endo: A Body of Ascetic Practices that Originated in the Nara Period in Japan that Evolved during 7th Century (710-794 bc) from a Combination of a Variety of Beliefs, Philosophies, Doctrine, Schools of Thought, Ans Ritual Systems found in Folk Religions.

Folk Religions: Japanese Folklore that encompasses the Informally learned Folk Traditions, Customs, and Material Culture.

Shingon Buddhism: Is One of the Major Schools of Buddhism in Japan, and one of Only a Few Surviving Vajrayana Lineages in East Asian Buddhism.

Shinto: A Religion Originating from Japan that is Classified as an East Asian Religion by Theologians, and regarded as Japan’s Indigenous Religion.

Tao: In Chinese Philosophy is the Absolute Principle Underlying the Universe, Combing within itself the Principals of Yin and Yang and Signifying the Way, or Code of Behavior, that is in Harmony with the Natural Order. The Interpretation of Tao in the Tao-te-Ching developed into a Philosophical Religion known as Taoism.

Taoism: Diverse Tradition Indigenous to China Characterized as Both a Philosophy and a Religion that Emphasizes Living in Harmony with Tao. Tao is generally understood as being the Impersonal Enigmatic Process of Transformation Ultimately Underlying Reality.

Buddha Nature: The Potential for all Sentient Beings to become a Buddha or the Fact that All Beings already have a Pure Buddha Essence Within.

Prefecture: An Administrative Jurisdiction Traditionally Governed by an Appointed Perfect which is a Magisterial Title of Varying Definition, But Essentially refers to the Leader of an Administrative Area.

Three Mountains of Dewa: Are 3 Sacred Mountains of Mount Haguro, Mount  Gassen, and Mount Yudono which are grouped together in the Ancient Province of Dewa. Haguro, Gassen, and Yudono Mountains remain Sacred in the Shugendo Traditional to this Day.

Vajrayana: Is often Translated to simply mean “The Diamond Vehicle”. Both Tibetan Buddhism and the Japanese Shingon Buddhism are Vajrayana Lineages. Tibetan Buddhism is Predominant in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan, Sikkim, and Mongolia. It was Taught in and Continues to be Taught in China, Usually by Tibetan Masters.

Zen: is a School of Mahayana Buddhism that originated in China during the Tang Dynasty as the Chan School or the Buddha Mind School, and Later on Zen later developed into Various Sub-Schools as well as Branches. From China Chan spread South to Vietnam and became Vietnamese Thein, Northeast to Korea to become Soon Buddhism, and East Japan becoming Japanese Zen.

Self-Immolation: IS the Act of Setting Oneself on Fire and is Mostly done for Political or Religious Reasons, often as a Form of Protest or in Acts of Martyrdom. Due to its Disturbingly Violent Nature Self Immolation is Regarded as One of the Most Extreme Methods of Protest.

 

It is What It Is,

Presented By Les Sober

The Gashlycrumb Tinies Set To Music

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the Poem The Gashlycrumb Tinies by the Infamous Writer,  Artist, Illustrator, and Tony Award winning Costume Designer Edward Gorey (February 22, 1925 to April 15, 2000) set to Music by Daisy Chapman and Red Carousel. Gorey’s Characteristic Pen-and-Ink drawings often Depict Vauge and Unsettling Narrative Scenes in Both Victorian as well as Edwardian Setting that have Built a Long Term Cult Following Gorey wrote The Gashlycrumb tinies in 1963 and the Poem that serves Cautionary Tale of being Aware of all the Deadly perils of Life that can bring about a Person’s Early Demise. The Poem was once summed up by George Boomer who said “(The Poem) Is a rebellion against a view of childhood that is sunny, idyllic, and instructive.”. The Poem follows a Fairly Simple and Dark Theme Combining The Alphabet, Children, and a Horrible Fate for Each of the Children. The Poem consists of Child with a Name Starting with each Letter of The Alphabet in Chronological Order. What makes this Poem rather Demented is Each Child Mentioned Meets a Variety of Gruesome Deaths carried out  in Some Brutally Creative Way.

Throughout Gorey’s Illustrious Career Gorey was known for His Illustrated Books as well as Drawing Cover Art or Illustrations for Other Writers. Gorey illustrated Over 200 Book Covers for a Variety of Publishing Houses including Doubleday Anchor, Random House’s Looking Glass Library, Bubbs-Merrill, and as a Free Lance Artist. Among other Works Gorey illustrated Bram Stoker’s Dracula, H.G. Wells’ The War Of The Worlds, and T.S. Elliot’s Old Possum’s Book Of Practical Cats. When Gorey was working as a Freelance Writer/Illustrator He used several Pen Names, some of which were Anagrams of His First and Last Name like Ogdred Weary, Dogear Wryde, Ms. Regera Dowdy, just to Name a Few. Meanwhile Gorey used Other Pen Names for His Original Work Too such as O. Mude (which is German for O. Weary), and Eduard Blutig which is a German Pun on His Own Name. Also During His Career Gorey conducted Literary Experiments like. Creating Wordless Books, Books the Size of a Matchbox, Pop Up books, and Books that were/are Comprised Entirely of Inanimate Objects.

Gorey Classified His Work as Literary Nonsense, and in Respone to being called Gothic Gorey Replied “If you’re doing nonsense it has to be rather awful, because there’d be no point. I’m trying to think if there’s sunny nonsense. Sunny, funny nonsense for children—oh, how boring, boring, boring. As Schubert said, there is no happy music. And that’s true, there really isn’t. And there’s probably no happy nonsense, either.”

 

It is What it Is,

 Presented by Les Sober

WTF IS With Robert De Niro And Interviews?!!

It Simply doesn’t matter if You’re a Fan or Not Robert De Niro at this Point in Time De Niro is a World Wide American fucking Acting Icon. Seriously the Infamous Line “You Talking To Me?” said by De Niro in the 1976 Cult Classic Movie “Taxi Driver” has been Referenced in Both Film and Television Countlessly over the Years.De Niro got His start in Acting in the Early 1970’s and has had a Prolific Career that is still goin strong Today. De Niro is Proficient in a Range of Genres from Comedy to Action To Drama He can do Them All Masterfully. Over the Decades De Niro has racked up a Slew of Awards including 2 Oscars, and Garnered a Worldwide Acclaim from  Loyal Fans and Critics alike. De Niro is also Known for Cinematic  Collaborations with Renowned Director Martin Scorsese starting with 1973’s Film “Mean Streets”. Well Enough of this Acting crap this isn’t Intended to be a Biography of De Niro’s Acting Career. There’s already Endless Volumes of Information on De Niro as far as His Work in the World of Acting, but this Isn’t About De Niro’s Movies/Acting Career it’s about His Interviews.

         

Now a Little know Fact about De Niro outside of the Talk Show World is that He is damn near impossible to Interview. In Fact De Niro during Interviews is the Absolute Antithesis of the Saying “It’s like Pulling Teeth”. Apparently De Niro absolutely fucking HATES having to do Interviews and We do Mean HATE. Obviously De Niro Realizes that doing Interviews is a Necessary Evil when Your a Famous World Wide Acclaimed Actor. This as You may imagine is a total fucking Nightmare for the Talk Show Hosts when it came to Interviewing De Niro. On one Hand its fucking De Niro so getting the Rare Opportunity to Actually Interview someone of De Niro’s Caliber is Exciting as Hell (Not to mention a Real Career Booster). The Problem is an Interviewer’s Only Job is to get Their Guest to Open Up about Their Private Lives, Friends, Hollywood Stories/Experiences, Current Projects, Awards Etc.  which when it comes to De Niro it’s Almost Utterly Futile.

So One is left wondering exactly What the fuck is Going on and Here’s how We see it. First Off De Niro doesn’t Volunteer Jack Shit as He will Never Initiate a Conversation on His Own Volition, but that’s just the fucking Tip of the Iceberg as it were. During Interviews De Niro’s Body language often seems to be Rather Aggressive. He sits slightly Angled and Sort of Slumped down in the Seat which conveys a feeling of Disgust and Contempt for the Whole Affair. Not to Mention 90% of the Time while being Interviewed De Niro’s Face is Blank, Cold, and Emotionless (thought Once in a Blue Moon it does appear that He has a Slight Smirk). The Worst Part for the Host is De Niro answers the Simplest to the Most Profound Questions an Interviewer can think of with in One or Two Word Answers. This must fucking Terrifying for the Host Who is on Live Television with an Insanely Famous Actor that People fucking Love to Death and He Refuses to Open Up. If lets say a Host about Something that Happened on a Movie Set, and instead of Elaborating on the Subject De Niro responds with a Answer like “Yup”, “Sure”, or “That’s Right”.

         

So what the fuck is the Bottomline Here? Why is De Niro for all Intents and Purposes being such a fucking Dick over being Interview? Well We believe We have stumbled upon the Answer and the Answer is Simple as They come. You see since De Niro Hates Interviews but He Ultimately has to do Them from Time to Time SO He’s just Amusing Himself by fucking with the Host. De Niro is well aware of the Situation so Instead of Participating De Niro acts Standoffish and Stubborn. De Niro knows the Host is Freaking the fuck Out on the Inside and at Some Point more than likely Believes (Since the Interview is so Shitty) that They probably will get fucking fired. So what the fuck are We basing this Answer Upon Exactly and that’s a Great Question So We’ll tell you. We came to Our Conclusion that De Niro Amuses Himself by seriously fucking with the Host/interviewer by Observing De Niro’s Eyes.

We don’t know if it’s True that the Eyes are the Window to the Soul, But We do Know that Eyes are the fucking Narc of Human Body. If You’ve been Drinking, Getting High as a fucking Kite, or Lying Your ass off Your Eyes will Narc You out in a fucking Heartbeat. People’s Eyes also convey Their Emotions, Personality Traits, and General Health as well as Reveal a Person’s Level of Interest and Engagement. The Last thing We will say on the Topic of Biology and Eyes is that (even though We have 5 Separate Senses) We get 90% of Our information about the World Around Us Via Our Eyes. Thus De Niro’s Eyes contradict His Aggressive Body Language, Hostile Standoffishness, and Expressionless Face. During Interviews De Niro’s Eyes are the Most Active Part of His Body as  They Dart around as He Assess the Situation, and the Mental State of the Host due to Him being so fucking Uncooperative. If You watch De Niro’s Eyes during an Interview You start to Notice that He in fact Seems Delighted by the Havoc He is Creating. So win Summation De Niro hates Interviews so His Unusual Behavior is Nothing More than De Niro Entertaining Himself to get Through the Interview.

It is What it Is,

  By Les Sober

And This Fucking Guy

When it comes to Neighbors the one thing I have Learned over the years is They are more fucking Trouble then they are Worth. There are Exceptions to the Rule that is True, but as a General Rule of Thumb is Neighbors are a Necessary Evil. Don’t get Me Wrong here I’m not an Out and Out asshole or anything like that. I’ll through up a Cursory Wave Hello when I see My Neighbors to be Polite and all that, YET I’m intentionally trying Not to get to know Them. The Primary reason Neighbors are fucking Dicks is if You give Them an Inch They’ll take a motherfucking Mile. Neighbors Request for Favors quickly becomes Completely fucking Unrealistic and overly Demanding of Your Time. It can Start with something as Little like Your Neighbor Borrowing something Small like a Rake or Some Other benign Bullshit. Then the Next thing You know They’re asking You to Help Them Move, Take Them to the Airport, Babysit Their Crappy Kids, House Sit while They’re on Vacation Etc.

I have an Advantage when its comes to Annoying Neighbors since Where I live currently 80% of the Houses in My Neighborhood are Empty almost all Year Long. This is because the Majority of Homes Here are Vacation Homes so the Owners Actually live Farther away in more Populated Areas. There are however a Handful of Residents that do in fact Live Here Full Time. I recently met One of these Full Timers just the Other Day and it was Nothing Short of a Supreme Shitshow.  Let’s Start at the Beginning for Clarity Purposes if Nothing Else. So this is the Story of My Dumbfuck Neighbor Named Anthony Who I Dubbed Anthony The Asshole, and You’ll see Why but he End of the Story.

          

It all fucking Started on a fucking Friday when Anthony decided that Moving into a Wooded Area wasn’t to His liking Anymore. Thus Anthony Hired a LARGE Tree Maintenance Crew to Cut Down EVERY fucking Tree on His 2 Plus Acre Lot. Now these weren’t just Typical Trees these fuckers were Old as fuck. I mention the Age of the Trees because the Older the Tree the Bigger, and Anthony’s Trees were No Joke 60-100 Feet Tall. Due to the Number and Size of the fucking Trees the Crew started at 7:00am and Worked Until it got to Dark which was about 8-8:30 pm since it was Summer at the Time. So All fucking Weekend at the Asscrack of Dawn the Crew would Start. Once They Started the Rest of the Day was Dominated by Extremely fucking Loud Mechanical Noises (Example: Wood Chippers, Chainsaws, Yelling at Each other because They couldn’t Hear over Their Own fucking Noise and More).

Now the thing is that while They did Throw a ton of Branches and shit into the Giant Wood Chipper, and as is the Habit around here They piled up the Small Twigs/Branches and Burned Them. When it came to the Huge ass Stripped Tree Trunks They cut Them into 20 plus foot Segments so that They could be Transported via Log Truck to the Near by Lumber Mill. Accept that Didn’t happen since legitimately Trucking out the Trunks would Cost a Pretty fucking Penny that’s for Sure. So Asshole Anthony had a Very Different fucking Idea about how He would Deal with the Situation and Save Money.

At this Point I’m going to take a Brief Pause because there is an Important fucking Detail Pertaining to the Story. Behind My House is an Old Dirt Road that was Built in Anticipation of a Multiple Home Building Project. For whatever Reason 30 some odd Years ago the Housing Construction Project Failed (and it Failed Massively) yet the Dirt Road Remained. On the Other Side of the Dirt Road in a Large Section of Woods that is Owned by the County. The Point being that I, Nor do Any of My Neighbors, Own that Section of Woods so there is Nothing We can do about what Happens on that certain Piece of Property. The issue with the Woods is that People are Lazy as fuck so They just Dump Their Yard Trash (and sometimes Leftover Construction Supplies like Nails, Broken Windows, Scraps of Wood etc) into the aforementioned Woods. Well Anthony decided that instead of Paying to have the Tree Trunks Transported Off/Away He opted to Line the Dirt Road with Them.

            

Normally I wouldn’t give a Good goddamn what the fuck Anthony was doing, BUT I don’t want to Sit on My fucking Back Porch and Stare at the Rotting Tree Trunks. I went about contacting Several Other Neighbors Who’s Houses also have the Dirt Road running behind Them Too. They all were Pissed Off because No One wants to look at Decaying Tree Trunks, and it’s Also a fucking Disrespectful (Not to mention Insulting) thing to do. By Dumping the Tree Trunks in such a Manner Anthony was Effectively saying “FUCK YOU ALL I’LL DO WHAT I WANT REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU THINK!” which was the Core Reason that Everyone was Insanely Pissed Off. We all agreed this was a bullshit Situation, and that We would Contact the Appropriate County Office to come out and Deal with it since it was Their Land. The issue We faced was when We called No Actual Person ever Answered and We were Directed to leave a Message. As You May have Guessed No One ever gave Us a Call back regardless of How many time We called or Messages We Left.

At fucking Last My Next Door Neighbor actually ran into a County Employee named Will while at the Grocery Store of all Places. Once Will learned what was going on He replied there was Nothing He could do since the County doesn’t give a shit. He explained there were a shit load of Various Parcels of Land around the Entire County that the County Owned, and that They Didn’t care about Any of it or Maintain. Will did throw Us a Bone by giving Us the number to Some Higher Up that We could Contact. Though Will warned Us  that it Most likely wouldn’t Accomplish jack shit. We called anyway and Will was absolutely right it was Utterly Useless. Whoever the Higher Up was essentially repeated Exactly what Will had Said. Thus left with No recourse Everyone got  even more Bent about the Situation and That was That. Well Not Exactly as Far as I was Concerned and Not by a Long Shot.

                

I admit I have a a Seriously Bad fucking Temper combined with a Love of Revenge which is a Volatile Combination. My problem was I couldn’t Handle this Issue the way(s) I Normally would because BOTH Anthony and I are full time Residents. Not to mention I can see the motherfucker’s House down the way from My fucking Front Porch. So I knew it would be Best not to Start a Lengthy Fight that could Evolve into a fucking Feud which is Still a thing around Here. Not to Mention that it would Inevitably make Both Anthony and My Lives Miserable and would End Badly. Now What I wanted to do was Storm on Down to Anthony’s House, Knock on His Door, and When He Answered Stab Him in the fucking Face with a Rusty Fork. Now Obviously Violent Rage Fueled Impulsive Behavior can Only lead to One being either Arrested, as well as Possibly Injured or Killed, which is/are Detrimentally Counterproductive.

Still I couldn’t just Sit on My ass and Not do a Goddamn thing about this Ridiculous Bullshit. First I took a look in My Garage Diligently poking around until I found what I was Searching for a Can of Bright Red Spray Paint. Once I had Acquired the Spray Paint I then Proceeded to Tag Every fucking Tree Trunk that Anthony Lined Up along the Side of the fucking Road with “<—–262 WTF” (262 is Anthony’s House Number). I did this so Any and Everyone would know Who the Asshole was responsible for this Shit Show. You see with My fucking Luck some Santee County Clerk would actually give enough of a shit to Check the Land, and then get in My fucking Face about it like it’s My Fault.

Then I decided to go the Public Shaming Route which was a New Tactic for Me as I prefer to Run in Head First with Guns fucking Blazing. Needless to say I had a Great Deal of Homework to do on the Subject of Public Shamming and Not wanting to Waste Any Time got right to it. I found out rather Quickly that My Small Town utilizes Social Media with a Facebook Page as well as Using the NextDoor App. I then took to My Laptop and Posted the Entire Story on Both Platforms Calling Anthony Out by Name. It is important to Inform Readers that I used My Real Name on Both Posts. I didn’t Use a Fictitious Username and I didn’t Opt to use an “Anonymous” Option I have No Reason to Lie or Hide behind a Screen. If I call someone out on Their bullshit then I Always use My Real Name as Well since it’s Only Fair.

In a Matter of just a Few fucking Minutes Other Neighbors as well as Town Residents Chimed in. They were All in Agreement that Anthony was a Dick and What He did was an Asshole Move no doubt about it. At this Point I was Glad that I had Used the Spray Paint since I had No fucking Idea if Anthony Used Facebook or NextDoor in the First Place. 48 Hours Passed after the Spray Paint and Social Media Public Shaming when it Produced Real Results. It started with Anthony showing up in Person while I was Working on My Front Porch enjoying the Favorable Weather.

Now My Porch is Elevated so it has a Stair Case leading up from the Driveway with a Gate at the Top. Once Anthony got Out of His Car (I don’t know why the Lazy Bastard didn’t just fucking Walk Over) and Approached the Stairs I instructed Him to Stop in His Tracks. I then Announced that Anthony could Stay exactly where the fuck He Stood as I wanted to take Immediate Control of the in suing Conversation. To His credit Anthony Obliged and Remained were He was for the Duration of Our Encounter. Anthony then Stated that He did in fact see the Spray Painted Tree Trunks and Realized He had Pissed Someone Off. As Soon as He was Done with His Initial Statement I informed Him He was Correct and that Person He pissed off was Me.

            

Once Anthony knew it was Me He pissed off He launched into this Babbling Rant ironically about what a fucking Great Neighbor He is. He told Me that He does Favors for His/Our Neighbors all the Time like Cutting Their Lawn for Example, and that the Neighborhood Loved Him as a Whole. At this Point I was thinking to Myself what a Load of Happy Horseshit that Part of the Rant was. I have Lived here 7 Plus Years and I have NEVER seen Anthony lift a fucking Finger to Help Anyone but Himself. I continued to Listen to Anthony’s unending Line of Bullshit as He Claimed that He did indeed Talk to all the Neighbors about His Plans to Line the Road behind Our Houses. Anthony then mad the Claim that All of the Other Neighbors all Signed off on it with No Problem.

When Anthony allegedly came to Talk to Me about His Shitty Plan that I wasn’t Home at the Time. Now My Problem with Anthony’s Claims started with the Fact that more than Half the Houses in Question are Vacation Homes. That means they are Empty at least 90% of the Year basically anytime Outside of Summer. So how the fuck did Anthony discuss a damn thing with the Owners since the Houses are fucking Vacant?! The Second Problem with Anthonys Lame Claims is if I wasn’t Home when He stopped by then Why the fuck didn’t He come Back at a Later Date when I was Home. Not to Mention He could have Left a Note stating He would like to Talk to Me about His Landscaping Plan. Also Anthony could have jumped on Social Media Himself to Contact any of the Neighbors in Question. The Fact is according to His Story Anthony came by Once, I wasn’t there, and Anthony decided to fuck off without Notice and Chose Not to Double Back to Inform Me of anything.

The Next thing Anthony said was One of the Dumbest fucking things I have ever heard someone Say. While it is True that People illegally Dump shit in the Woods Anthony’s Plan to Combat the Problem was Straight up Stupid. Anthony told Me that to Help Cut down on illegal Dumping was to Create a Barrier along the Side of the Road. This New Barrier was/is Supposed to Help Deter Trash Dumping Dipshits. Now it is Painfully fucking Obvious even to a Blind Man that Creating Anthony’s Tree Truck Barrier was Utterly Useless. Did Anthony actually Believe that Excuse would Work I’ll never be sure.

I listened to Anthony’s Self Serving Speech with an Expressionless Face (which You would think would Tip Anthony off)since I obviously wasn’t buying His Bullshit. Anthony went on and on about How Allegedly He was a fucking Superstar going Above and Beyond to Help the Neighborhood (in Any and Every way He possibly could). Anthony babbled on about how much He loves and Supports the Neighborhood Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit, and More Bullshit. When He was Finished Anthony was Smiling like a Scammer who thinks He’s got a Mark on the Hook. I deliberately took a Moment before I replied solely to throw Anthony off His Game. Apparently this Worked like a fucking Charm as Anthony’s Body Language indicated that He was Unsure of the Situation. You see Fear of the Unknown is a Powerful fucking Thing and Anthony was Obviously trying to Figure Out what I might Say/Do. I damn well knew Anthony was getting Rather Anxious because He kept shifting His Weight from Foot to Foot like a Nervous Child who just got Caught. Now it was My fucking Turn to State My Opinion pertaining to the Situation at Hand. I made sure to Stare Anthony directly in Eyes even though He was Wearing some Cheap Oakley Knockoff Sunglasses. I wanted to Convey to Anthony that even if He hid His Eyes it wasn’t Intimidating  Me in the fucking Least.

              

Let Me take a Brief Moment to Explain the Sunglass Comment I just made. As Humans (Who are Social Animals) We are Greatly Unaware that We take a Shit Ton of Social Cues from watching People’s Eyes. Thus when You are Conversing/Interacting with a Person whose Eyes are Hidden, again Aware of it or Not, it makes Your Primal Brain quite Anxious as it is Deprived of a Prime Source of Information. Have You ever Wonder Why a lot of Cops (Especially State Troopers) utilize Wearing Sunglasses for Example? Well It’s simply because it puts People on Edge which may Help Them Narc Themselves Out if They have actually Broken the Law. The Bottomline is wearing Sunglasses in the Case of Anthony or the Police is an Intimidation Tactic, and like I fucking said I wasn’t Intimidated by Anthony by any means. So let’s get back to the fucking Story.

I coldly in a Low Controlled Almost Emotionless Tone (invoking My Best controlled Rage Technique which is indeed Creepy) let Anthony Know where I stood. It is an Unnerving Technique to say the fucking Least. This is due to the Fact While the a Person is Acting Civil it gives the impression that at Any Moment They might Suddenly Attack. This is a Tactic I use Frequently to Convey a “Don’t Fuck With Me” Attitude during any type of possible Confrontation. I also use an Unyielding Stare Sun Glasses or Not, and Keep a Straight Face so Facial Expressions are put on the Back Burner.

The first thing I addressed in was the Fact (as I said Previously) I nor My Wife, or Our Neighbors had Never seen Anthony do anything for Anyone in the Neighborhood. I then Bluntly pointed out the Fact that if We weren’t Home when He Stopped by Why didn’t He try to Reach Us at a Later Date?  The Fact was He was the one who didn’t do Jack Shit about it and I don’t Believe for a Second Anthony even Stopped by in the First fucking Place Anyway.

After that I went on to State that I was damn well Aware that Anthony didn’t have Permission to do Shit on the County’s Land. I told Anthony I knew He did this simply to Avoid Paying to have the Trunks Cut up and Hauled away, and that Instead He dumped His Yard Trash along the Side of the Road. You see Anthony was well fucking aware as well that the County didn’t give a Flying Fuck so They wouldn’t get up in His face. I assume Anthony also thought None of His Neighbors would take Acceptation to His Plan/Actions so He could get Away with it. Anthony cut in Suggesting that if I was Angry about the Tree Trunks that He would go ahead and Move them. I replied that there was Not a Chance in Hell that I believed for a fucking Second that Anthony would Dispose of the Logs Elsewhere. If there was a better Alternative Place Anthony could have Dumped His Yard Trash then WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE DUMP HIS SHIT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! That Statement Floored Anthony as He realized on the Spot that He had fucked over His Own Argument. I stood Silently for a Moment or Two watching this Realization Sink in as Anthony was Desperately attempting to come up with a Valid Reply which there wasn’t. I finished what I had to Say with the Fact that what Anthony did was Insulting, Disrespectful, Self Centered, Self Serving, His Story was Pathetic, and He is a Bad Bullshit Artist.

Since Anthony wasn’t going to Convince Me of Anything and I was going to Keep Anthony Squirming on the Hook over Possible Consequences for His Actions I decided enough was enough. As Anthony continued to look as Uncomfortable as a Pregnant Nun in Church I told Him I had Heard His side of the Story and He had Heard Mine. I went on to Say Obviously there was No fucking Point in having this Conversation anymore as We were at an Impossible Impasse, and that I had Other shit to Do. I then stood on My Porch rather Awkwardly as Anthony Accepted Defeat and fucked off Home which He did but He Dragged His ass doing it. Is this the End of the Story? More than likely Not as I just need to Find the Most ViablePath of Recourse that will Settle their Score, Keep Me out of Trouble, and Not lead to a Prolonged Feud with the fucking Neighbors. Once I do Anthony and I will See Each other again Face to Face and I will Reap the Closure I so Rightfully fucking Deserve.

It is What it Is,

 Presented By Les Sober

Enough Of The Fucking Surfing The Dark Web Videos.

As We are all aware in the YouTube Universe there are a Myriad of Different Genres so Basically if You Name it and You can Find it. Ever since the General Public was made Aware of the Existence of the Dark Web People have become fucking Obsessed about it. And Why Not it’s in Our Nature to be Drawn to things that Mystify, Alarm Us, Scare Us, or is Dangerous/Forbidden/Taboo. At this Point in Time the Dark Web has a Reputation that’s Almost an Urban Legend unto Itself. Now the Dark Web Genre has remained Pretty fucking Popular and which has its Own Subgenres.

For Example the Dark Web Mystery Box Videos where a YouTuber Orders a Box Off the Dark Web with Unknown Contents. Then when it Arrives They Open it on Camera/Live Stream and Reveal the Contents of Said Box. There Also there are Cautionary Tales from of Dark Web in the form of Horror Stories, and These Stories have a rather fucking generic Template. These Stories are about Someone who went on the Dark Web, Fucked Around, and Subsequently Something Seriously fucked up Happened to Them. They’re Dark Web Educational Videos where a YouTuber Breaks Down the Levels of the Internet from the Surface Web to the Dark Web. They then Usual finish the Video Warning Against Ever accessing the Dark Web and that its Insanely Dangerous to fuck around with Period.

Today the Dark Web Subgenre We will be Addressing are the Plentiful Surfing the Dark Web Videos. These Type of Videos are Simplistic to make and Unfortunately They’re Basically fucking Identical to One Another. The Videos start with the YouTuber Hyping the Dangers of all the Crazy Shit found on the Dark Web. The YouTuber then talks about Security (VPN) and Software (Tor) You need or should have if You plan on Venturing onto the Dark Web. After that the YouTuber typically says some Corny shit like “So We’re going to Surf the Dark Web so You Don’t have to” and Off We go. The YouTuber Logs onto the Dark Web and Immediately Hits up Hidden Wiki and Explains that its like Wiki, but for Demented Dark Web Sites. Next thing after Hitting Up Hidden Wiki said YouTuber Scrolls around Listing the Usual Sick and Twisted Dark Web Sites or Topics that People are Fascinated with.

Here are the Aforementioned Popular Dark Web Topics/Sites/Subjects:

Let’s just Address the fucking Elephant in the Room First and Foremost. It’s fucking Revolting that the Largest Group of Scumfucks on the Dark Web are fucking Sleezy fucking Pedophiles. Due to the Utterly Insane Concentration of Pedophiles inhabiting the Dark Web means unfortunately the Largest Category on the Dark Web is Child Pornography (CP). In Our Opinion these Vile Motherfucking Pieces of Shit should be Hunted Down, Dragged Out into the Street, Exposed to the World/Community, Beaten Mercilessly, and then Publicly Executed with it being Streamed Live on the Internet, Shown in Real Time on TV, and Announced Play by Play on the Radio.

Another Big Time Dark Web Category is Drugs because People love Drugs. People love taking Drugs, Talking About Drugs, and Inventing/Finding New Drugs to Experiment with. As far as We are Concerned While it is Tempting to Attempt to Score Drugs Off the Dark Web from the Anonymity of Home, yet it’s an Absolutely Retarded thing to Do. With that Said We Believe Wholeheartedly that if You try to Score Drugs from the Dark Web 1 of 3 Things will Happen. First You get Ripped Off when You send the Funds and the Recipient Grabs the Cash and Vanishes. Second if You actually do Order Drugs off the Dark Web and Receive it in the Mail there is a HUGE chance that whatever the fuck was Sent is Fake or Contaminated (Example:The Addition of Fentanyl especially in Heroin). The Last Option is the Acceptation to The Rule Personifiedwhich would be if You order Drugs, Receive Them, and They are Real and Uncontaminated.

Now the Only Acceptation to the Rule when it came to Scoring Drugs Off the Dark Web was the Dark Web Site Known as Silk Road. Silk Road had a Unique insurance Policy when it came to Protecting the Customer as well as Their Cash. The Policy was Simple but Incredibly Effective as it Manifested in just One Singular Rule: Don’t Rip Off Silk Road’s Customers! To Enforce this Policy if a Dealer Stole Someones Cash or Sent Them Fake Shit or Total Garbage the Dealer in Question would be Banned from the Site Permanently. So why the fuck did the Various Drug Dealers Comply with this Policy? Well its an Easy Answer Silk Road was so Successful and Profitable Dealers Didn’t want to get Banned because They would lose a Major Source of Income.

Another sought after Dark Web Category is Guns because like Drugs People have an Intense Affinity for Firearms. The Odd thing about the Firearms Category is that in Reality it’s much Smaller than You would Think. Most of the Weapons Advertised for Sale are mainly Hand Guns, but once in a Blue Moon You can come Across Something Unusual and Completely Unrealistic such as an RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade). Once again in Our Opinion if You Order a Gun off the Dark Web Chances are You’re going to get Ripped Off and That’s it. The Other Possibility is if You Buy a Gun off the Dark Web and it Arrives there is a Very Good Chance that it’s been Used in a Crime or Worse used in a Murder. If the Gun You Purchased has in fact been Used in a Crime or Homicide and the Authorities get involved that Crime/Murder You’ll be Held Responsible. It’s Extremely Hard to Claim Your Innocence if You’re in Possession of the Gun in Question.

There is Yet Another Hot Dark Web Topic which are the Hitman For Hire Sites. Now it’s Pretty fucking Safe to Assume that (even though it isn’t Out of the Realm of Possibility) these Sites are 100% Unadulterated Horseshit. As Far as We are Concerned these Sites are a Total fucking Scam. This is the Easiest fucking Way to Steal some Gullible Dipshit’s Money because all You have to do is Create the Site. Then You just List a Bunch of Sinister Services that are Complete Bullshit that’s made the fuck up or Stolen Straight out of a Shitty B Action Movie. These Sites make the Owners feel like Dark Web Badasses when in Reality They’re the People who got Picked On in High School. Not to Mention there is a Very Good Chance that the alleged Hitman besides being a Thief could be a Cop or Government Agent. The Authorities have been Known to Lurk on the Dark Web Posing as Hitmen to Entrap an Unknowing Idiot.

Speaking of People for Hire Off the Dark Web the Other Category besides Hitmen For Hire are the Hackers For Hire. This may seem More Tangible than trying to Hire a Real Life Hitman, but it is None the Less 99% Bullshit. Again More than Likely Your Money will be Stolen and that’s the End of That. There is also the Threat that a Hacker You communicate with or Hire could be a Shitbag Criminal who would end up Hacking You and Your Shit. Just like with the Hitmen For Hire the Hackers For Hire could Very Well be a Police Officer posing as a Hacker in which case Your getting Your ass Arrested. Now there is a SLIGHT Possibility that there are indeed Actual Real Hackers For Hire on the Dark Web, but They are damn near impossible to Locate in a Dark Web Sea of Scummy Shit filled with Fakes, Fraudsters, Thieves, and Scammers.

If there is a Number One Category that Contributes to the Urban Legend Reputation is the Mythical and Mysterious RED ROOMS. Red Rooms are something Straight Out of a Torture Porn Horror Movie where an Unknown Victim is Kidnapped and Held Captive. Then at a Predesignated Date and Time the Victim is Tortured and Killed in Real Time on a Dark Wed Livestream. No Matter What Red Rooms are Pay-Per-View, but that’s Not the Darkest Part of Red Rooms. Allegedly those who are into Red Rooms are able to Pay more then the Basic Viewing Fee for Certain Perks such as Being able to Instruct the Torturer to Preform Particular Acts (Example: Cut Off Nose, Break Legs, Kneecap Etc.). For all Their Ominous Show Boating and in spite that they are a Morbid Curiosity Not a Single fucking Real Red Room is Real, and there is Absolutely No proof or Evidence of any Actual Red Room EVER Existing. In Our Opinion the Bottomline is Red Rooms are just Horror Themed Nightmare Fuel for the Masses and are Fictitious as Unicorns.

The Point of it All is that Yes while there Plenty of Fake Shit run by Thieves on the Dark Web there are Serious fucked up Sites and even More fucked up Users. Bottomline if You wouldn’t Walk through a Shitty Neighborhood in the Middle of the Night without a Phone or Weapon then Stay the fuck Off the Dark Web.

It is What it Is,

 By Les Sober

WARNING!

We are Legally Responsible for letting You know all of the Possible Side Effects of Viewing FYB Content. Viewing FYB can/could Cause One or More of the Following:

  • Increased Risk of being Attacked by a Wild Animal.
  • Compulsion to Collect Stamps.
  • Delete Your Twitter/FB Account.
  • Intense Anger
  • Manic Laughter
  • SEVERE Diarrhea that could Cause Death by Dehydration in Under an Hour.
  • Violent Vomiting Resulting in the Regurgitation of Internal Organs.
  • Syphilis Induced Insanity.

  • Crotch Rot.
  • Rampant Genital Warts.
  • Being Raped by a Dolphin.
  • Spontaneous Combustion.
  • Occular Seizures.
  • Full Blown A.I.D.S
  • Rectal Irritation.
  • Contempt and Disgust for Asshole Elon and Mark Fuckerburg.
  • Absurdity Addiction
  • Spastic Colon Disorder.
  • Your Bones to Liquify.

  • Anarchistic Thoughts.
  • Craving for Canned Beets.
  • Stupidity Intolerance.
  • Your Teeth to Itch.
  • Olfactory Hallucinations.
  • Ringing in the Ears.
  • Prolonged Bouts of Insomnia.
  • Hoarding of Feminine Hygiene Products.
  • Compulsive Genital Piercing.
  • Raw/Chaffed Nipples.
  • Sex with Parasites.

  • Causes Your Entrails to become Your Outrails.
  • Time Distortion.
  • To Shit the Bed.
  • Desire to Pick Up Other People’s Dog’s Shit.
  • Licking a Toilet Seat.
  • Lutefisk Obesity.
  • To Ponder.
  • Being Assaulted by Bigfoot.
  • Emotional Outbursts.
  • Speaking in Tongues.
  • Chance of Falling in a Wormhole.
  • Chance of being Sucked into a Blackhole.
  • To Drink the Bong Water.

  • Walking Corpse Syndrome
  • Lactose Intolerence Intolerance
  • Cravings for Canned Meat
  • Fetalphobia (Fear of Fetuses)
  • Pickled Egg Consumption
  • Elephantiasis
  • Contempt for Society as a Whole
  • Octopus Molestation
  • Prolonged Sexual Relationships with Crustaceans
  • Disregard for Social Norms
  • Mental Prolapse
  • Coprophagia (Practice of Eating Actual Shit)
  • Middle Finger Spasms
  • Jungle Rot

  • Sudden Onset Tourettes
  • Racing Obsessive Thought Pattern
  • Inverted Mood Swings
  • Unpredictable Public Urination
  • Contempt for YouTube
  • Ambivalence
  • Inter Dimensional Distortion
  • Unnatural Anal Bleaching
  • Spontaneous Ejaculation
  • Fanatic Toe Nail Clipping
  • Love of Troma Movies
  • Synaptic Storms
  • Uncontrollable Flatulence
  • Neural Intoxication

  • Obscene Amounts of Alcohol Consumption
  • Occult Worship
  • OCD OCD
  • Hysterical Hysteria
  • Schizophrenic Bowels
  • Mindfucking
  • Damning the Man
  • Impulse Control Issues
  • CGI Allergy
  • Hate of/for Hollywood
  • Motherfucking Mainstream
  • Kill Your Computer
  • Start a Riot
  • Erratic Bouts of Loudly Audible Sharting
  • Sniffing Spray PAint
  • Revolt Against Authority
  • Mathematical Malfunction
  • ADDADHD
  • Reoccurring Rectal Prolapse
  • Profuse Bleeding from the Eyes

  • Hostility Towards Hipsters
  • Temporary Delusions of Grandeur
  • Intellectual Narcissism
  • Starfish Fortification Fetish
  • Out Right Rejection of Trends
  • Finance a Flea Circus
  • Paganism
  • Proprietary Delinquency
  • Daily Consumption of Raw Jellyfish Smoothies
  • Development of Irrational Behavior
  • Genetic Deconstruction
  • Commercial Sea Monkey Farming

Now You Know.

  The FYB Collective