Creative Writing – Page 12

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (48/365)

Lee a bit startled by Dizzy’s sudden outburst looked up from the ground where He had been Looking to avoid stepping on shards of Broken Glass or a Used Syringe. Parked directly in front of Dizzy’s Apartment Building was a Vehicle that was so Small it was a wonder anyone referred to it as a Car in the First fucking Place. Standing next to the Smart Car was a Young man who looked to be in his Early to Mid Twenties wearing a Big Bang T-Shirt featuring the Character Sheldon on it, a Pair of Kaki Cargo Shorts, and a Pair of Pristine White Converse All Star Sneakers. Lee imagined The Driver resembled one of the Many Action Figures languishing in Perfect Condition Imprisoned in Their Original Packing/Box back at His Studio Apartment.

“A fucking Smart Car, Why even fucking bother to Show the fuck Up? Smart Cars aren’t a Car, nor a legitimate Vehicle as THEY ARE A GODDAMN JOKE. There Tiny Hippy Mobiles going all Green with No Carbon Footprint or what the fuck ever.” yelled Dizzy Aggressively as He waved His Arms in the Air like a Chicken trying to Fly, and continuously pointing at the Smart Car during His Tirade.

“Smart Cars are Safe as long as You don’t drive like a total dick, and it gets 60 Miles per Charge, and No fluctuating Gas Prices to deal with.” replied the Driver holding His Ground.

“60 Miles? 60 Motherfucking Miles? I PISS 60 MILES for fucks sake, and was it fully fucking charged before You drove the fuck over here in Your glorified Roller Skate?!” Dizzy demanded to know Seething with Equal Parts Contempt and Disgust.

“Well No Infant I charged it overnight, and I’ve had 2 calls before You today not thats its any of Your Business. I’m just telling You because Your being a Temperamentally Judgmental Tool if You must Know.” The Driver said Unwaveringly Without Batting an Eyelash.

“JESUS so its Not even fully charged, seriously WTF is wrong with You are You just hear to fuck with Me until I have a goddamn Stroke or some shit. How are We going to get anywhere without a Full fucking charge You Negligent asshole?!” growled Dizzy at the Driver giving Him the Classic 1,000 Yard Stare.

“The 2 previous calls like Yours were Rides around the City so it’s Not like I just drove cross country or finish a Nascar Race. We’ll be perfectly Fine I assure You.” said The Driver in Honesty.

“You assure Me, You fucking Assure Me?! FUCK YOU! You have No fucking idea if We will make it to Our Destination before We get stranded when Your Hot Wheels here Runs Out of Battery Charge?! You never asked Us where We were going so How the hell do You claim to know We’re going to be OK? Are You a Part Time Psychic, is that it You’re a Ride Driver by Day, and a Psychic by Night You ignorant Jackass.” asked Dizzy in the Low, Calm, and Steady tone of a Sociopath.

“Where is Your Destination Sir?” replied The Driver in a Sarcasticly Mocking Tone of Voice.

“To The Crystal Dinner over on 76th and 9764th which has to be at least 20 plus miles away You Geek Squad Wannabe.” snarled Dizzy who’s Body Language suggested He was struggling to keep from punching the Driver right in the Face.

“How far can We go then on the Current Charge?” interjected Lee who found the scene Delightfully Entertaining, BUT He didn’t want shit to get Violent. Violence Spoils a Good Time Every time that was Lee’s experience.

“Let Me Check for You Sir.” quipped The Driver Snidely giving Dizzy the Eat Shit and Die look plastered across His Face.

Stay Tuned For The Next Absurdist Installment of………

LEE JONITIS:PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (49/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Architecture of Human Anatomy

The Following is an Excerpt form F-YourPlay’s Current Project “The Architecture of Human Anatomy”.

Location: The Human Assembly Plant’s Board Room

In the Board room sits McCoy the current CEO at the Head of a Massive Table that seats a Heavy 16 Other Individuals. In Walk Two Individuals in Dark Green Coveralls carrying Clipboards one in each hand looking a Bit Confused. McCoy asks the Men to Sit which They do with One sitting directly to McCoy’s Left and One directly to His Right. Once the Individuals have taken a seat McCoy Abruptly Stands Up so fast His Chair goes sailing backwards and slams into the wall.

McCoy: Dear Management I have summoned you both Here today due to the Fact that after I reviewed the Initial Construction Plans, I had some very serious questions pertaining to something I saw on the Blue Prints. (McCoy looks at the Individual sitting to His Left) Thomas I brought You here since You are the Operations Supervisor so You correlate all the intricate details of Assembly. (McCoy shifts His gaze to the Individual to His right) Tim I sent for You as You are the Head of Our Mechanics Department so You know every piece of this Puzzle and what it does or what it’s for.

Thomas: Thank You it’s a Great Honor….

McCoy: To what Kiss My Ass? This isn’t a Social Visit Boys there some real possible problems We are facing that could delay or destroy Our Product Projection Plan. Do You think My Superior wants me kissing his ass, THAT IS NOT THE CASE I ASSURE YOU. My Boss wants My Head in the Game or on a Silver Platter, Thats the goddamn reality I live in. I exist in a constant Low Level of Anxiety. You know what really fucks with one’s anxiety, ISSUE MY FRIENDS ISSUE. Issues if they aren’t instantly stopped out become PROBLEMS and that when We find Ourselves waist deep in the Shit which in addition to being Feces is also rising.

Tim (confused but Curious) : What if I may Ask are Your concerns for Our currently Project as it were?!

McCoy: Now there is the initiative I need in this Harrowing Time. Alright let’s get to it shall We Friends. Let’s Us start with the Nose shall We. As I understand it the Human Nose is the Breathing Apparatus Yes?!

Tim: Yes that is correct it is for the intake of Oxygen which is the Principle Full used in almost All of Our Past Projects, and a standard We felt was worth sticking too.

McCoy: THEN EXPLAIN THE MUCUS! Why the hell did we add Mucus in the Nasal Passage ways since Mucus clogs them up happening the breathing process? Its counter fucking productive by definition.

Thomas: Well the Mucus acts like a filtration system to weed out unwanted Particles of various debris to prevent inhalation into the Lungs which causes extremely serious complications to Repertory Health of Our Product. Also Mucus is also designed to enter a more liquid fluid like state to aid in the drainage of Diseases such as Colds or worse the Flu helping expedite the self repairing Systems we installed.

McCoy: Mucus while it sounds quite useful may need to be reengineered or replaced all together as there glitches in its Protocol, but for now let’s move on to the Lungs. Why are we going with lungs as opposed to Gills then answer Me that?!

Tim: If we used gills inlace of lungs then they wouldn’t be Modern Humans they’d be fish. Fish are an exceedingly great product with thousands of Versions and variations they are in fact rather stupid creatures.

McCoy: I heard Dolphins where extremely intelligent.

Tim: First off they are in fact Mammals and if they were in fact exceptionally intelligent then they would move out of the Ocean and eat something other than smaller fish. We were under the distinct impression that the new Modern Human project would be our most advanced product yet.

McCoy: Fuck Dolphins then. We can stick with the lungs since they are significantly cheaper than the Gills which require the extraction of the Oxygen fuel from the Water, that filtration like process is far to damned expensive. Honestly that’s why the Company stopped using gills all together, it was to simply cut down on overhead you see.

Thomas: We have done everything possible to enhance the Modern Human Project well beyond initial projections.

McCoy: Have You? Have you really? Then what the fuck is an Appendix for? The Appendix is from a Historically Outdated Model so why is this archaic piece of shit even on the blueprints in the first fucking place Huh?

Tim: It was a budgetary issue. True the Appendix is severely outdated by several thousands of years, BUT if we didn’t use it the Expense would be deducted from Next Years budget. We didn’t want our budget decreased so we found an out of the place space to stick it the saving next years budget.

McCoy: Excellent thinking Friends thats MUCH more like it, We love company minded employees, oh that we do. Tell me then about the Intestinal Tact is that a budgetary issue as well? You see what I can’t get my head around is why we are using 20 fucking feet for the SMALL intestine, and a fucking additional 5 feet for the Large intestine. And if those are the actual measurements why the hell are We calling the bigger one Small and the smaller one Large? It’s going to complicate the instruction manual for sure.

Thomas: Well Phil in Research and Development thought it be funny as all hell if we used the total 25 feet of intestines so when Any Human Product Model got split in half or its Abdomen bursts then the intestines would pop out like the “snakes”used in those Joke Peanut Brittle cans.

Tim: As for the names Burt in Labeling is Dyslexic.

McCoy: We will need to reevaluate the Intestines at a later date then as they seem like a serious waste of Time and materials a straight line from Stomach to Rectum makes far more sense like with the Mouth to the Stomach connection. Speaking of wasted time and materials what the fuck is the deal with Hair?

Tim: Aesthetics mainly as your correct hair is unnecessary in the Modern Human Product.

Thomas: They seem to love playing with it, well the hair on their heads anyway. They cut it in different styles, dye it different colors, braid it all there all kinds of options.

McCoy: Aesthetics and Personal preference aside Hair is Obsolete. Even if it wasn’t there would still be the issue of Modern Human Product’s constantly deriving ways to REMOVE said hair. They have waxes, lotions, creams, tweezers, razors, specialized razors, and even fucking lasers. Hair is utterly pointless in my book. Now on to the Eyes.

Tim: what about them?

McCoy: We invented 5 different senses to Aid our Modern Human Products to navigate their world so why is it that 90% of the MHP’s information pertaining to their surroundings/world come solely from the fucking Eyes then?

Tim: The eyes were designed by Trent who is an overrated individual who pioneered the Nervous System so Management considers Him some kind of super fucking genius. They think so highly of Him they let him do pretty much whatever the fuck We wants, and they eat it up. Trent shits and The Board give him standing Applauses.

McCoy: That all is completely ridiculous. After this meeting I will be drawing up the proper and appropriate paperwork for Trent’s immediate Termination citing Gross Negligence. 5 senses should work together equally none should be more predominate than any other, its common fucking sense here.

Thomas: Are there any other concerns you’d like us to address?

McCoy: Damn Straight there are. Why did We select Hands over Paws?!

Thomas: Again the Modern Human Project is supposed to be our most advanced model to date, and since it was determined that they would walk upright instead of the On All Fours previous protocol they already had feet, so we worked on designing the Hands.

Tim: The only issue We hand when developing the Hands Model was with just 4 fingers the hands were flawed as fuck and virtually useless.

Thomas: That was until Phil made the correlation between Hands and Feet, noticing that without the Big toe walking was flawed and virtually useless. So Phil invented the Thumb or The Hand’s Big toe as he refers to it constantly.

McCoy: Well what the fuck Phil You’re getting a Promotion with a significant pay increase. That’s the creative drive we need to pull off this Modern Human Model. What Initiative. Phil is a fucking Visionary. The deal with Butt cheeks what’s that all about? None of Our other Life Models have Butt Cheeks, NO ONE NEEDS THEM. Not the Amphibians, Reptiles, insects, Fish, Birds, Mammals, Arachnids, not even the Microscopic Organisms need butt cheeks to dedicate properly.

Tim: They are simply space filler.

McCoy: Fucking space filler? Why do we need space filler for fucks sake?!

Tim: Since the sedition was made to have the Modern Human Models walk upright we had some spare space that needed to be fleshed out. We needed something to fill in the space between the lower back and the Top of the Legs. Also without them the MHM’s would have great difficulty sitting down which is a primary and essential function as it was described to us by Upper Management.

McCoy: Goddamn this walking upright Schematic its absolutely insane. Now we have negative spaces that we have to find a way to fill thats just fucking wonderful. Now why do we need Kidneys AND a Bladder?!

Thomas: The Bladder is the holding/short term storage of the by product of Urine. The Kidneys are the filtering system for the Bladder removing a number of harmful agents from advancing further through the MH’s various Systems.

McCoy: Fine but why can’t the Bladder DO BOTH, why can’t it FILTER and STORE Urine in the short term? The Modern Human Model has a great deal of excess parts and unnecessary measurements.

Tim: We hadn’t considered the dual functioning factor pertaining to the Bladder, but we will run the idea down to R&D immediately after this meetings conclusion.

McCoy: Very Good, our company loves loyalty. Now what’s going on with the use of Hydrochloric Acid in the Stomach as part of the digestive process, I mean Hydrochloric Acid melts the Modern Human Model’s flesh, skin, fat, and muscles leaving nothing but bare bones. Thus I am gravely concerned about its usage in the digestive process.

Thomas: True that Hydrochloric Acid is on the “Will Kill Them” watch list, but again Phil has invented a ratio that allows for digestive aid without the unpleasant liquifying effects. It’s the picture of everything in moderation I suppose.

McCoy: I suppose you’re right. Goddamn Phil is going to have a great day after this meeting, Phil is going places. Alright before I conclude this meeting for today I have one last Topic that needs addressing and thats the reproductive organs.

Tim: Genitals.

McCoy: What?!

Time: Genitals, they’re called genitals.

McCoy: I don’t give a rat’s ass what they are called it doesn’t negate any or all issues pertaining to said Genitals.

Tim and Thomas simultaneously: Duly Noted.

McCoy: Now here’s where I get concerned. What grabbed my attention initially was the vastly different schematic layouts for Modern Human Model in the Man model and the Female Model are exceedingly on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Tim: Please could you elaborate a little for us please.

McCoy: Sure I can. The Male Model is external which makes it susceptible to injury or damage, why do we not have a skull around the genitals for protection of a fucking ribcage? Anyway the Male Model is basic and straight forward for the most part, at least as where general daily use and function are concerned anyhow.

Thomas: The Skull simply is not structurally possible, especially with the Internal Reproductive organs of our Female Model. There is No space in the Female Model, and even if there was it would only serve to totally fuck everything up. Even the Man model would be hampered on a regular daily basis by the addition of a second skull to protect the genitals.

McCoy: Fine the skull issue has been put to bed. Still why is the Female Human Model much more complex with far more parts than in our Human Male Model?

Tim: Phil’s brother Bill works in the Reproductive Design department and well he’s a dreamer, but he is also prone to the “Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen” when it comes to his thinking. He started with the Human Male Model and after designing it He was on a roll he felt. So the next thing We know Bill just keeps adding additional parts to the Human Female Model like a run away train or something. There was no way to stop or slow him down once he’s reached peaked creative mania.

McCoy: Well I have much to think about so this meeting is Over. I will have to have Bill called into Resource Department for an Evaluation. There is a fine line between Artistic excitement and Serious Insanity.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Facebook is F*cked and Zuckerberg is a Racist Scumbag

Let’s get one fact straight right from the get go. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg AND Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey are BOTH Trump Supporter Scum of the Earth. They’re spineless greed driven GOP Social Media Propaganda Puppets. The only fucking reason NEITHER CEO asshole has (and Never would) discloser Their Personal Political Views because the greedy sons of bitches don’t want to loose Users, and lets fucking face it thats just a nice way of saying MONEY.

If either asshole came out Pro Trump they’d lose a shit ton of Users and subsequently a literal shit ton of Money, BUT if They came out Anti Trump the exact same thing would happen. Though in Todays Chaotic Environment it’s very easy to Tell Who Zuckerberg and Dorsey Support through Their Shady and Hypocritical Actions and Claims.

A little over Two Weeks ago Zuckerberg informed the American Public that He/Facebook WOULDN’T DO A GODDAMN THING to Stop Politicians on Facebook Who Spew and Promote Fake News, Disinformation, and All Out Lies. It’s painfully obvious this is to Aid Trump the Obese Orange Asshole to commit MORE FRAUD, CRIMES, AND TREASON just like in 2016.

The Democrats to Their Credit DIDN’T Run a Massive Smear Campaign, Employ Bots to do Their Bidding, Hire Russian Hackers, Collude with Russian Dictator Vladimiro Putin, Spread Fake News, Spew Propaganda and disproved/unfounded conspiracy theories, engage in Voter Suppression Tactics, Purposely spread Misinformation, Use Racism as a Promotional Tool, and They Didn’t COMIT FUCKING TREASON.

Meanwhile Facebook is BY FAR the Largest Social Media Platform for Racist Hate Groups. You want to find the Flu Klux Klan, White Nationalists, Neo Nazis, Proud Boys, all You have to do is simply Log onto Facebook where there’s plenty of White Supremacy Hatred to go Around. Again Zuckerberg has DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to Stop or Shut Down these Racist Hate Groups Facebook Pages. He has been completely Ambivalent about it as if He could care fucking less because the Scumfuck is making a Fortune, and is a fucking Racist piece of Shit Too.

Racist Birds of a Feather Hate Together. So basically Facebook’s Rules of User Use, Conduct, and Rules Don’t Mean a fucking thing. Regular Users get Penalized for Minor infractions while the Racist Hate Groups are allowed to Continue promoting Fear and Hate on a Daily Basis Worldwide on Their Social Media Platform.

Then this Week Zuckerfucker was CAUGHT LYING IN HIS GOVERNMENT TESTIMONY pertaining to Facebook hiring The Daily Caller as Fact Checkers.For Those Who may Not know The Daily Caller is a Major Well Documented Racist Organization. Zuckerberg played the “I Run a Huge Global Company so I’m too busy to know Everything that Goes On” Card. After His Testimony the TRUTH came out and the Facts were far fucking Different than Zuckerburg’s bullshit claim.

It turns out Zuckerberg knew EXACTLY What the Daily Caller Organization was, was IN FAVOR of Hiring Them, and was Directly involved in the ENTIRE PROCESS. To Recap Zuckerberg Knowingly hired a Long Time Racist Hate Group as supposedly legitimate Fact Checkers, Yet another move that Aides Trump since Trump Supporters are inherently Ignorant, Uneducated White Trash Racist Scumbags.

Then just a Couple of Days ago Zuckerburg Announced Facebooks New Upcoming and I quote “Quality News” Platform. This sounded like more Facebook bullshit that was until it came out that one of the Top “Quality News” Organizations that would be Promoted on Facebook’s New News Platform was None Other than BREIBART. The American Public was introduced to Breibart in 2016 Thanks to Trump Loving Alcoholic Wife Beating White Nationalist Steve Bannon (who in the end apparently not a shitty enough of a person and Breibart booted Him out the Door).

Breibart built itself on a Foundation of RACISM, XENOPHOBIA, ANTI-SEMITISM, AND PROMOTING RACIST CONSPIRACY THEORIES. Breibart is so utterly fucking Despicable They were DENIED SENATE PRESS CREDENTIALS. Thanks to Their Hate Filled White Nationalist Views/Content More than 4,000 Companies have BANNED BREIBART FROM RUNNING THEIR ADVERTISEMENTS. Breibart has also been KICKED OFF OF ALMOST EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM SO FAR FOR RACIST PROPAGANDA. SO Once Again Zuckerburg Hired a Well known RACIST HATE GROUP to work for/with Facebook providing so called “Quality News”.

Lastly as far as the Moronic MAGA Maggots once Trump the Traitor had been Impeached, Removed, Arrested, and Imprisoned I believe We should DEPORT THE SACKS OF SHIT. Now I wouldn’t wish MAGAs on My Worst Enemy so the Question is Where the fuck do You send Human Garbage?! My Suggestion is taking a Page out of England’s Historical Playbook. When England back in he Day wanted to Elevate Over Crowded Prisons and Prevent future Crime decided to Deport all The Criminals to Australia and effectively Strand Them There for Good.

I propose America does the Same Thing, BUT instead of Australia We Deport and Dump the motherfucking MAGAs in Antartica. They can’t fuck with or talk shit to anyone since the current Population of Antartica is ZERO. That and MAGAs are so fucking proud of Being White, The Color White, and All Thing White Antartica would be fucking Perfect as its Entirely White.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (47/365)

The Conversation was abruptly interrupted by a Loud and constant Pounding on Dizzy’s Door. In the blink of a fucking Eye Dizzy strode over to the couch, dropped to His knees, reached underneath the Couch and pulled out a Large Meat Cleaver. Then Dizzy with Meat Cleaver at the ready strode over to the Door and threw it Wide Open like a B-Horror Movie Lunatic standing in the Door way brandishing a Meat Cleaver.

Standing in the Narrow dimly lit Hallway was a skinny almost emaciated looking Kid who looked to be around 11 or 12 years of age. The Kid didn’t flinch a single muscle as the Door flung open forcefully smacking into the Wall with a Solid Thug. The Boy didn’t blink at the sight of a Irritable Asshole standing in front of Him glaring angrily at Him holding a Meat Cleaver. Through all the insanity the Boy remained perfectly still, and appeared to be completely unfazed by the whole situation.

“What the hell do You want Kid? Well What?! What do You want?!” Demanded Dizzy now appearing to be Utterly Psychotic.

The Boy took a moment to brush His bangs out of His eyes with His hand before answering Dizzy. Meanwhile Dizzy looked like He was about to suffer a Rage induced Aneurysm waiting impatiently for the Kids reply. Jesus Christ Lee thought to Himself Dizzy is definitely a very Cool Guy but Hanging out with Him was getting a tad Exhausting trying to Keep up with Dizzy’s Manic and ever changing Moods.

Dizzy seemed to Deal solely in Extremes there was No Middle Ground, No Grey Area the World was governed by what He proceeded to be Right and Wrong. While Lee was coming to appreciate Dizzy’s Passionate Persona it left Him feeling increasingly Drained as the Day went on.

“You called for a Car right.” answered the Kid unassumingly while shifting His weight from foot to foot, and not due to feeling Uneasy but more out of Boredom than anything else.

“Oh fuck Me Running!”, Dizzy exclaimed Loudly his Voice echoing down the Hallway like it was a Medieval Crypt Tunnel, “I absolutely fucking forgot We called Ride for a fucking Ride like, shit 30 minutes or so Ago goddamnit it all to Hell!”

“Well We better hurry the fuck up and Decide what the fuck We are doing then.” said Lee trying carefully Not to Exacerbate the Issue anymore than Necessary.

“Ok here We go how about this,” Dizzy pondered out loud, “I told My Buddy Phil I’d do Him a Work Favor so We could head over to The Crystal Dinner for a couple Beers and Burgers. While We there I can do what I need to to help out My Buddy Phil, and then Drinks are on Me until We part Ways at Least?”

“Sure why the hell Not I could Eat.” Lee said since it was the Easiest Path Traveled at that Moment, and Honestly He was hungry as Hell having spent all Morning into the Afternoon Day Drinking like a Lush.

So the Lee and Dizzy grabbed Their gear and ran out of the Apartment not even pausing long enough to close the Door. Lee was going to say something about the open Door, but then He figured if Dizzy didn’t mind Why the fuck should He it was Dizzy shit anyway. The Gruesome Twosome barreled through the tight, dark and rather Dank hallway corridors, and then went sleeping down the Stairs as fast as Their feet would take them.

They Two busted out the Apartment buildings Front Door like They had been shot out of a fucking Cannon onto the Street. Lee stopped for a moment bent over trying to catch His Breath. Fucking Cigarettes Lee thought to Himself as He chest Heaved Up and Down like the Ocean Waves during a fucking Hurricane.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT A FUCKING SMART CAR!!!” Screamed Dizzy in complete Disbelief and Total Disgust.

Stay Tuned For Next Weeks Insanely Baffling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (48/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

IRS Assholes At Work

The IRS is a fucking Scam that must have the American Forefathers rolling over in Their Graves. This fucking Country was founded on several Democratic Principals one of which was NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION. Eventually the American Government has become so Hypocritical and Corrupt as fuck.

I have no issue paying Taxes if the MONEY GOES to what its Appropriated for like Education or Infrastructure, BUT as always in Politics the Money goes to whatever fucking bullshit the GOVERNMENT deems appropriate regardless of how the Tax Payers fell or think about it.

The IRS is the embodiment of Taxation without Representation as They were created to do one thing and one thing Only Collect Taxes like Sales Tax, Income Tax, Property Tax, and even a fucking DEATH TAX. Yes that’s right when You die the Government will attempt to help themselves to HALF of ALL Your Financial Worth at the Time of Death. One last massive Tax to send You on Your way into the Afterlife. I only say attempt because if You don’t insulate Your investments then Yes the Government will take HALF. It’s a fucking Tax for DYING. Since when was Death Taxable seriously what the fuck?!

Now as You might Image as a Governmental Agency with One Job to Collect ALL TAXES No Matter What that over the Years (and combined with Politicians growing GREED) the IRS set Out to Collect as Much Money as They Possibly could. So with the help of the fucking Politicians the IRS as become one Serious Motherfucker since The Government can change the fucking Rules whenever They fucking want. SO one the DECADES the IRS has had added Additional Laws, Rules, Regulations, and Protocols all designed to let Them STEAL MORE AND MORE OF YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

A PRIME Example of such Legislative Rape is Something I am Personally have been Dealing with Every fucking Year for Several Years now, and will have to continue to Deal with over the up coming Years where the Scales will be Tipped farther and farther in the IRS’s fucking Corrupt Favor.

Now there is a LITTLE Good News is a Group of Legal and Financial experts at some point in Time Managed to Institute TAX FREE ACCOUNTS. I think it’s one of if not the Greatest Financial Creations in American History. I mean TAX FREE Accounts are Designed to FUCK THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF EVEN A SINGLE FUCKING DIME of Your Money. Unfortunately TAX FREE Accounts are Hard and Maintain due to the Fact the IRS Obviously LOATHS TAX FREE Accounts because of that Fact.

With the Corrupt UnAmerican IRS Inventing More and More Creative ways to get Their filthy fucking Hands on Your Money No Matter What which is what They were Designed to do. So it’s NO Surprise one of the IRS’s Key Targets was to Find a way to BLEED TAX FREE ACCOUNTS DRY in spite of the Restrictions set in place to PROTECT CITIZENS FROM FINANCIAL PREDATORS LIKE THE GODDAMN IRS.

I just so happen to have Money tied up in a TAX FREE Account which You think would Delight Me, and to an extent it does. The problem is the cocksucking IRS devised a way to Tax Me None the Less. The IRS Implemented MANDATORY YEARLY WITHDRAWALS which means You HAVE to take whatever Amount the fucking IRS tells EVERY YEAR. This way the IRS can TAX IT Even thought You DON’T WANT TO WITHDRAW JACK DIDDLY SHIT.

It DOESN’T End There it gets even MORE fucking Criminal. I got a call from My Financial Money Men’s Office letting Me know its time for the Bullshit Mandatory IRS Withdrawal, AND it INCREASED BY 1/3 from Last Year. When I asked Why the amount Increased I was simply told the Following. The fucking IRS realized Not only can They FORCE You to withdraw Money so They can Tax it, BUT They can Increase the Yearly Withdrawal. That Way The can Tax You even MORE every fucking Year of Your Life Until the TAX FREE Account is Completely Drained. Now the IRS doesn’t want to put You in the Poor House since Poor People turn Only a Small Profit They just simply want You to MOVE your Money into an Account They can TAX at Will.

In The End a Country Founded on the Principle of Taxation without Representation Created the IRS who’s Existence is based on TAX ING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR AS MUCH AS FUCKING POSSIBLE EVEN WHEN YOU FUCKING DIE.

Land of the Free? FUCK THAT.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:13 am)

I’m Being Held Hostage By A 6 Year Old

I live in a Tiny Town which means there far less fucking People I have to Tolerate or Deal with. Not only that but the Community that I live in is made up of 65% Vacation Homes meaning theres only a Handful of Full Time Residents living out here by The Lake. So theres PLENTY of fucking Elbow Room for Everyone which someone like Me Fully Appreciates.

As a Writer I have My own set of Practices and Rituals when it comes to Writing one of which is I prefer to Write Outside whenever possible. Since Our current Home Office has a rather Massive Front Porch, and the Weather being absolutely Perfect this time of Year makes it an Optimal Time to Write Outdoors. It’s Not to Hot and Not too cold You know all that Goldie Locks and the Three Bears bullshit.

Now unfortunately one of the Other Full Time Residents live just across the Street from of and have Kids three to be exact. While I have never seen Hide nor Hair of the Two Older Children the Youngest Montana (who is Six Years Old) is a MUCH Different fucking Story I assure You.

There several issues that contribute to My ongoing Problem which is Montana has made it a habit recently of coming over and Talking to Me while I’m on the Porch Writing or at any He sees Me as a Matter of Fact. Now Don’t get Me wrong I may be an Asshole, but I’m Not a fucking Monster. I don’t mind Waving or Saying Hello, and I don’t mind chatting for a moment Here and There with Him time permitting.

Montana’s Parents turn Him loose Outside with No Limitations on where He can Roam, and with No Adult Supervision. They just put Him out like You would a Dog and by that I mean I don’t think an Adult is paying any Attention to what the fuck the Kid is up to They seem Oblivious. Out of Sight Out of Mind doesn’t Work for Raising a Child.

We live in such a Remote Area there aren’t a whole hell of a lot of Kids for Montana to play with. Outside of Montana and His two Siblings I can only think of One other Child living in the Neighborhood (and He’s 14 so He obviously has no fucking interest in hanging out with a little 6 year old Kid). So Montana has to Entertain Himself a majority of the Time which has to be Lonely as Children are Social Creatures, and Yes I don feel bad for the Kid in that respect. I grew up in a Neighborhood devoid of Other Kids for Years and it Seriously fucking Sucked. Imaginary Friends only go so Far.

Not to mention that I don’t know a damn thing about Kids Not a Single thing mind You. I don’t know what They like, what They don’t like, How they Develop, What They do at certain ages, Behavior shit, Their interests, Their Hobbies, Not a Single fucking Clue. This is due to the fact I’m a grown fucking Man who doesn’t have Kids (as of Yet), and while there plenty of Kids in My Family We live all over the fucking Place. I don’t have a lot of Exposure to Kids on any sort of consistent basis is My point. I don’t remember being Six Myself for fuck’s sake.

Since I’m a Grown fucking Man I have nothing in common with a 6 Year Old, and absolutely No Reason to be associating with one at Length. The last fucking thing I need is Especially in a Small fucking Town is to get Labeled the Creepy Old Guy that Parents Warn Their Kids about Avoiding. I don’t work with Kids in any capacity or in The Child Care Field as a Teacher for example, Montana is not a Related to Me nor Is he the Child of Dear Family Friends, and Again Montana is just 6 years Old. Theres NO reason on God’s Green Earth for Him to be associating with an Adult Virtual Stranger. Shit like that gets People Talking out Their asses and Spreading Rumors like Wild Fire. I’m not going to be perceived by the Local Community as some sort of potential Child Molester or fucking piece of shit Pedophile thats for fucking Sure.

Now while My wonderful and Much Friendlier/Social Wife has already gone over and introduced Herself, got to Know Montana’s Parents, and Chat with them awhile I have Not. To Be utterly Honest I haven’t even so much as Waved Hello to Either of Them which makes Me look like a REAL Dick. The funny thing about it is when My Wife met Montana’s Parents and mentioned Him They had No Idea We knew of His Existence. My Point is They had No idea Their young Child had been across the Street hanging out and talking to a Adult Stranger on a Frequent Basis.

Thus Not knowing shit about Kids, Not wanting to get Labeled a Pervert, and Not wanting to Hurt the Kids feeling since I don’t know the appropriate way to tell or get an annoying Child to Fuck Off I have been avoiding Montana like the motherfucking plague. So every fucking Day for the last week or so before I set foot outside I wonder around My house peering and leering out of Windows to see if Montana is any where near by at any given moment. If I’m set up outside and working away I will stop what i’m doing, tell Montana I have work to do, and head inside for Who Knows how long since its all dependent on Montana going the fuck away or at least Staying in His own fucking Front Yard for once.

I have No idea how the Hell this Bizarre Situation with a 6 Year Old essentially and effectively holding Me hostage in My own fucking Home is going to End I just hope and Pray it isn’t an utter fucking Shit Show. What I need to do is get some credible advice on the subject Hopefully before I lose My Shit due to growing Frustration and All fucking Hell Breaks Loose. I’m getting too Tired to be The Old Me.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:23 am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (46/365)

“Options, Options, Options are Good to Have, So Let’s see here What are Our Options?” mused Dizzy Aloud as He began to Pace the length of the Room slowly clearing a Small Path through the Empty Cigarette Packs, Beer Cans, Long Smoked Dimebags, and the Other various Refuse that Littered the Floor.

“We could Call My Buddy Hall Ucinogen and pick up a Couple Tabs of Acid, and We could go to the New Aquarium. Then We could drop the Acid and Trip Balls for 8 hours fucking with the Fish.” Lee suggested causally in a very off the Cuff manner.

“That be fine if We were in fucking High School, come on Man that shit is so Played the fuck out. What’s Your next suggestion We smoke some Weed and go to the fucking Planetarium to catch a Later Light Show?!” responded Dizzy with a Great Deal of Disgust.

Lee sat back on the Couch to collect Himself since Dizzy’s attitude was currently Shit. Lee focused on a Massive Spider Web that encompassed an entire Corner of the Room. Lee thought what an amazing feet for such a small insect then it occurred to Him that He hadn’t actually seen the Spider, and considering the size of the Web it could be a Formidable Sized Spider. Lee started to psych Himself out as His eyes darted frantically around the Room searching for a Glimpse of the Illusive Arachnid.

“Hey We could Drive around and Pick Up Road Kill and Drop it on the Front Door of People We fucking Don’t Like Very Well.” said Dizzy with an enthusiastic tone in His Voice that communicated His excitement at this Option.

“First off We Don’t have a fucking Car so We’d have to call those Tech Nerd Ride People for a Lift. Now I have never used Their service before, BUT I can pretty much fucking Guarantee Our Driver wouldn’t dig the Idea of Us loading up His Trunk with Rotting Roadkill Carcasses. So I Don’t think that idea would fucking Pan Out.” said Lee crankily still a bit taken back by Dizzy’s response to His initial Idea.

“Ok How about We score a Case of Beer, Go down to the City Dump, Get Drunk, and Shoot Rats?” countered Dizzy taking a moment to sift through the Trash on the Floor with His foot.

“You have a Gun?” Lee asked though He didn’t find the Fact Dizzy Owning a Gun that Surprising to tell the Truth.

“Relax Scarface its just My Grandfather’s Old .22 Rifle that He used to Hunt O’possum and Armadillo for Food. He was one of those Gnarled Old Appalachian Mountain Men You Know,” answered Dizzy Happy to Reminisce about His Bad Ass Outlaw Grandpa,” He started smoking at age 8 and started Drinking Moonshine by 11. Spent His whole fucking Life breaking His fucking Back scratching Out a Meager Living do Odd Jobs and supplementing His minimum Income by Bootlegging and Trapping. He was one Hard motherfucker I’ll tell You That He could Make a Man piss Himself just by Glaring at Them.”

“While it’s Not the Worst idea of the Day I Don’t want to End up sitting on a shitty Syringe and wreaking of fucking Filth for Four or Five Days.” said Lee trying to be encouraging since being Proactive yielded far better Results than just Being Reactive.

“Alright The How about We go down to the Strip Mall, Strip buck Naked, and Run around like fucking Psycho’s like We’re on Bath Salt Bender?” suggested Dizzy after a brief and awkward pause.

“I give it a fucking A for Creativity thats for fucking Sure. The only Drawback is if We do that there’s virtually No Chance of Escape because it wouldn’t take long before Someone or Some Store Owner called the goddamn Cops. And while I love Extreme Pranks and Seriously fucking with People I don’t want to spend the Night in the Drunk Tank. That and it really Piss off My Probation Officer too.” replied Lee as He looked for a Lighter that actually worked to light His Cigarette with.

Stay Tuned for Next Weeks Enthralling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (47/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:24 am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (45/365)

Lee exited the Bathroom Post Haste, and once He was out He could hear Dizzy Shouting like a Lunatic. Lee looked around to see where Dizzy was when He saw that one of the Windows was open. While Lee was on a Sickening Safari of the Bathroom Dizzy had slipped out the Window onto the Rusty and Way Too Rickety Fire Escape. Lee poked His head out the Window to find Dizzy in the middle of a Heated Argument with a Disheveled looking Crackhead.

“I didn’t TOUCH Your fucking Shopping Cart Crackie! It was probably fucking STOLEN by one of Your Crackhead Cohorts You fucking Whack Job!” Hollered Dizzy at the Crackhead on the Street Below.

“BULLSHIT! I Know You fucked with My Cart Cracker, Your ALWAYS giving Me shit calling Me Names and Shit. You moved it because You wanna get rid of Me cuz You don’t like Me or My Associates living in Your Neighborhood!” screamed the Crackhead back at Dizzy who was preoccupied searching for something to Throw at Him.

“You don’t live ANYWHERE You Loiter around a CRACKHOUSE and Lurk creeping through the Streets like filthy fucking Paracites. Who the fuck do You think You are talking all this shit to Me you fucking Dope Addicted Asshole!” Dizzy Yelled back still looking for a Projectile to Launch at the stubborn Crackhead.

“GIVE ME MY CART! YOU OWE ME A CART! GET MY CART NOW YOU HONKEY MOTHERFUCKER!!” Demanded the Crackhead at the Top of His Shot Out Lungs

“FUCK OFF before I call the POLICE and You can Cop Crack in Cell Block 6 You Street Trash Crack Smoking cocksucker!” declared Dizzy Triumphantly as He Threw and Empty Pint of Wild Turkey 101 directly at the Angry Crackheads Face.

The Bottle flew flawlessly through the Air like a motherfucking Missile and hit the Crackhead right across the bridge of His nose. The Bottle exploded in a Shower of Glass Shards while simultaneously Breaking the Crackheads Nose. A Fountain of Blood came Gushing out of the Crackheads Nose like Niagara fucking Falls as He Collapsed to His knees. Once the Crackheads knees hit the Asphalt He instantly Slumped forward and started Wailing like a Wounded Animal. His blood collected in a growing Pool in front of Him as He sat in the middle of the street Brow Beaten and Defeated.

“Jesus Crack Smoking Christ,” exclaimed Dizzy reentered the Apartment, “Proof theres NEVER a Cop around when You need One. Thats why at the END of every Action Movie the Cops always come Charging in like the fucking Calvary AFTER THE FUCKING FACT. Mind You if I dared to take a fucking piss in an Alleyway I’d get Arrested in a fucking Heart Beat, but these Crack Smoking Sons of Bitches are allowed to Wonder wherever They want Without Issue.”

“Thats the Hypocrisy of the Police. Who exactly do They Protect? Who the fuck do They Serve? The fucking Government thats Who the Authoritarian Assholes.” replied Lee as He felt the same fucking way about it as Dizzy did.

“Well now that the Crackhead and the Case of the Missing Cart is Complete what I want to know is what the hell are We gonna do for the rest of the Day.” announced Dizzy rather Impatiently.

“The Best thing to do is consider Our Options I suppose.” answered Lee Honestly as He surveyed the Stalagmites of Dust hanging from Dizzy’s ceiling which Lee thought looked like wads of Ghost Cum to Him.

Stay Tuned for the Next Invigorating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER 46/365

(This Sunday We return to Our usual Lee Jonitis Posts)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Similarity Between Serial Killers and Vigilantes

It’s No Surprise that I think of Strange shit, and Yesterday I found Myself thinking about Serial Killers. Specifically I was mentally reviewing the Behavioral Characteristics and Traits that Allow a Serial Killer to be just that fucking Serial Killers. My Mind began to wonder (as it has a Tendency to do from Topic to Topic) I started to think about Vigilantes which isn’t such a Far Stretch in this Case since Vigilantes Reap Social Revenge/Justice by Hunting Down Murderers such as Serial Killers and Other Criminal Scumfucks. It was when I started to think about Both Groups Simultaneously that I began to Draw certain Parallels between Them.

The Best way I can Explain this is simply by doing a Side by Side Comparison if You will. Now with that said let’s take a look at the Similarities between Serial Killers and Vigilantes. And when its Over You’ll see Just How Similar They Are I assure You. With that said I will be sticking to the Similarity aspects, I WILL NOT be doing the Classically Cliche Amateur Regurgitation of the Full Blown Psychological Profile of EITHER GROUP (No bullshit about Childhood, Parents, Friends, Schooling, Upbringing, Drug/Alcohol issues, Mental Health Issues, Role of Religion, Social Ramifications, Bullying, Physical/Mental/Emotional/Sexual Abuse, and No Nature Versus Nurture Theories ). I’m Not Saying that to be a Dick its just Not the Point I’m interested in, and You can Google the Usual Spiel so it’s Not like Your missing Anything.

Let’s Start with Serial Killers Shall We?! What permits a Serial Killer to Kill isn’t What They might Posses such as Schizophrenia for Example, but in What They Lack instead. Serial Killers can Do What They Do (Torture, Rape, Murder, Mutilate etc.) is due to the Fact to Their Lack of Key Human Emotions. Serial Killers are Void of Empathy, Sympathy, Concern, or Caring for Others They don’t see Their Victims as People, but as Objects to Indulge Their Sick Desires. They also Lack Remorse or Guilt so Killing an Entire Family and Eating Their Brains is NO DIFFERENT than Doing the Dishes it MEANS NOTHING TO THEM.

Serial Killers unlike Other Murderers (like Mass Murderers or Psychopaths) is They seem to have 2 Specific Type of Victim Profile that They adhere too. The First is Physical Attributes of the desired Victim such as Male/Female, Hair Color, Physical Likeness to Someone significant in the Serial Killer’s Life (Past or Present). The Second is the Serial Killers will Target a Demographic like the Homeless or Prostitutes due to the Serial Killer’s Personal Views on Said Group in Society. The Point is Serial Killers are Killing to Prove Their Point to the World/Society/Humanity or They’re Slaughtering just to Satisfy Their Uncontrollable Homicidal Blood Lust.

Now as for Vigilantes there’s Obviously a HUGE fucking Difference between Vigilantes and Serial Killers in WHO They Kill. Serial Killers are Predators that Prey on the Innocent while Vigilantes Prey on the Predators. The Question would be WHY do Vigilantes Kill? What I’m saying is Most Everyone agrees that Serial Killers are Evil Motherfuckers, and it Seriously Sucks Scrotum that They Exist.

So what Motivates a Vigilante to Not Only Acknowledge the Problem, But to then Take Up Arms and Launch a Personal One Person War against it? How can Vigilantes Cross the Line between Hero to Villain and Back Again? And Since Vigilantes are Criminals Themselves because They commit Homicide WHY do People/Society in General give Them a Free Pass when the Law or Judgement?

Those are Pertinent Questions and Here are the Pertinent Answers. How can a Vigilante feel No Remorse, Regret or Guilt Killing a Criminal when They Absolutely would if say They hit and Killed a Pedestrian while Driving? While Serial Killers are People Incapable of Learning to Love Vigilantes are People who ARE Capable of Learning to Hate. A Vigilante can Learn to Hate at Levels that so called Regular People couldn’t even begin to fucking Fathom. A Vigilante can Lear to Hate to the Point where They can Kill what They Hate, and if You Hate something that fucking much You Don’t feel Remorse, Regret or Guilt. And a Lack of Remorse, Regret, or Guilt is EXACTLY what enables BOTH a Serial Killer AND a Vigilante to Kill with a Conscious.

As Far as People or Society is concerned (and even Law Enforcement) Serial Killers are Demonized because They Kill the Innocent indiscriminately while Vigilantes are Exhausted because They Kill with a Nobel Purpose. Everyone knows Our Legal and Prison Systems are fucked beyond belief, and there’s an Overwhelming amount of Horrible shit in the Daily News that it makes People Clinically Depressed. So It’s reassuring to People that there ARE some of Us willing to do the Dirty Work of Cleaning Up After the Failures of an Unjust Legal System. And Let’s Face it People are Vengeful Creatures and Thus They Love Revenge which is Embodied by/in Vigilantes.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (44/365)

The Walls of Dizzy’s cramped Apartment were caked in layers of overlapping Dust combined with an ample amount of Dirt. The Light coming through the Windows had an Oddly Orange Tinge to it from the Thick Layers of Cigarette Smoke that had Coated the Glass over time. Dizzy had wildly plastered a Handful of Posters across the Dingy Walls in a Extremely Manic Fashion.

There was a Promotional Poster for Budweiser complete with the Trade Mark Clydesdale Horses bounding through the Snow with the Budweiser Wagon in Tow. There was a Black Light Poster of an Alien Smoking Pot using an Astronaut’s Helmet as an Impromptu Intergalactic Bong. Then there was the Poster of the Self Proclaimed Devil Worshipping DJ MC SATANIC D eating Dinner Outside while fondly looking at Trump (and His Administration) Impaled on Wooden Pikes. Obviously the Poster had been a Tribute of Sorts or Paying Morbid Homage to The Historical and Homicidal Vlad The Impaler.

Across from the Large Windows on the Opposite side of the Apparent was a Small make shift Kitchen straight out of Any Collage Dorm USA. There was a Mini Fridge that Housed nothing but Beer. There was Microwave perched on Top of the Mini Fridge that looked like if You ate anything that came out of it You’d contract a Super Strain of E-Coli and Literally Shit Yourself Inside Out. There was a Sink and Counter combo that looked like it had been Stolen Out of a Classic Vintage Volkswagen RV or Perhaps Salvaged from a Mobile Home Trailer Fire.

Lee got off the Crap Covered Couch and started to walk around the Cluttered Confines of the Apartment looking for the Bathroom as the Vast Amounts of Beer He had consumed earlier was Battering the Hell out of His Bladder. Lee located the Bathroom without issue and having once Entered the Bathroom Lee really wished to Hell He Hadn’t. The Bathroom was Unbelievably Horrible and Seriously Sickening. It was so Bad it made a fucking Truck Stop Restroom look like a Sterile Operating Room by Comparison.

The Bathroom Fan was Broken and there wasn’t a Window so there was No Ventilation so entering the Bathroom the First thing Lee had to deal with was Stagnant Staleness in the Air. The Bathroom Sink smelled like a fucking Arena Urinal from all of Dizzy’s intoxicated and fucked up Friends Pissing in it rather using the Toilet. The Mirror above the Sink had been Smashed by Either a Person’s Fist or Face, but it was impossible to tell at this Point though there were still trace amounts of Blood on it.

The Toilet which had once been Sterling White was now an Industrial Shade of Grey Tagged with a Slew of Black Streaks of Varying size. It appeared at Some Point Someone who more than likely was Intoxicated came into the Bathroom probably wearing Boots, and for some reason took Acceptation to the Toilet and Tried to Kick it into Pieces. Alas Due to being Intoxicated the Angry Assailant’s Kicks couldn’t actually connect with the Toilet to cause any real Damage. It Appeared that Instead the Furious Kicks just Scuffed the Toilet as They Glanced Off over and over.

Lee strode up to the Toilet, unzipped His Fly, whipped His pecker Out, and Noticed a Hand Written Sign stuck on the Wall above the Toilet with a piece of Black Electrical Tape. The Writing Scrawled on the Paper read “HEY YOU ASSHOLE! DON’T FLUSH YOUR PUSSY PLUGS, DEPOSIT IN TUB.” Lee could only assume the Term Pussy Plug was a Crude reference to Tampons, and He immediately Zipped Up and Walked out of the Bathroom without even Using it (or looking behind the Tattered Scum Coated Shower Curtin).

Be Sure To Tune In Next Week for The Next Insanity Laced Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (45/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:46am)