Creative Writing – Page 13

Virginia’s Most Notorious Urban Legend: The Bunnyman

The Following Newspaper Article was Published in The Washington Post on October 22, 1970.

MAN IN BUNNY SUIT SOUGHT IN FAIRFAX

“Fairfax County Police said yesterday they are looking for a Man who likes to wear a “White Bunny Rabbit Costume” and Throws Hatchets through Car Windows. Honest.

Air Force Academy Cadet Robert Bennett told the Police shortly after Midnight last Sunday He and His Fiancée were sitting in a Car in the 5400 block of Guinea Road when a Man “Dressed in a white suit with long Bunny Ears” ran from the nearby bushes and shouted: “You’re on Private Property and I have Your Tag Number.”

The “Rabbit” threw a Wooden-Handled Hatchet through the right front car window, the first-year Cadet told the Police. As soon as he threw the Hatchet, the “Rabbit” skipped off into the Night, Police said. Bennett and His Fiancee were not injured.

Police say they have the Hatchet, but no other clues in the case. They say Bennett was visiting an Uncle, who lives across the street from the spot where the car was Parked. The Cadet was in the area to attend last weekend’s Air Force-Navy Football Game.”

The Bunnyman is MOST often seen in Secluded Locations in Fairfax County Virginia though He has been Spotted Through Out the Entire State of Virginia. It is Believed The BUnnyman’s Primary Territory is the Area surrounding the Bridge (Known as The Bunnyman Bridge) along the W&OD Railroad Tracks. Some Say in the 1800’s 2 Mental Patients Escaped from a Near By Mental Asylum. One Patient was found a few Days Later Hanging from a Tree, the Other Patient was NEVER seen Again. Was this the Origin of the Legendary Bunnyman and if so What accounts for the Modern Day sightings in the 1970’s and 1980’s? Is it a Copy Cat or Possibly the Cursed Spirit of Bunnyman doomed to Roam the Earth wreaking Havoc on Virginia for all Eternity?! No One knows and probably NEVER will.

Reports of the Infamous Bunnyman first began in the 1970’s where Usually a Person in a White Bunny Costume carrying an Hatchet/Ax Scarring or Threatening Children or in some Cases Vandalizing Property.

By the 1980’s though the Bunnyman had Evolved into an Evil Entity Hell Bent on Murder who according to Most had committed SEVERAL BRUTALLY GRUESOME MURDERS Already. In one Story Bunnyman Allegedly Butchered His Entire Family before Fleeing into the Deepest, Darkest Parts of the Surrounding Forrest.

Brian A. Conly a Historian-Archivist working at the Fairfax County Library wrote a Summery of University of Maryland Patricia Johnson’s Paper on the Folklore of The Bunnymansimply titled “The Bunnyman” were She had interviewed 33 Locals to get Their accounts of The Bunnyman Phenomenon. Cony’s Summation is as Follows:

. 14 Different Geographic Locations for Bunnyman Encounters (Mostly in Virginia) are Mentioned.
18 Encounters Involve The Bunnyman Chasing or Frightening People, Usually Children, with a Hatchet or Ax.
14 Encounters report an Attack on a Cars.
9 Witnesses/Victims claim Bunyman Attacked a Couple in a Parked Car.
5 Witnesses/Victim’s accuse The Bunnyman of Vandalism on Homes or Buildings.
Only 3 instances Mention Murder/Murders allegedly committed by The Bunnyman.

So is The Bunnyman just a Eccentric Prankster? Is The Bunnyman just an ongoing Virginian Hoax? Is the Bunnyman a Blood Thirsty Murderer? Is Bunnyman an Evil Supernatural Spirit still Roaming around in Virginia? Could Bunnyman possibly a yet Undiscovered Cryptid or could it be Bunnyman is just the Star of another Urban Legend We will mostly likely NEVER Know the Truth behind Virginia’s Illusive Bunnyman.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Some Drug War Dinosaurs WON’T DIE.

Some Lingering Dinosaurs Left Over from the Failed War on Drugs refuse to Face the Fact They’re facing Extinction. The War on Drugs has been a Colossal waste of Time, Money, Man Power, Resources, and Ended in Horrific Failure. The Cliche goes “Those Who Don’t Learn from History are Doomed to Repeat it” and That Cliche definitely applies to America. You think after the Spectacular Shit Show that was Prohibition The American Government would have learned the Simple Lesson of PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THEY WANT TO DO EVEN IF THEY ARE ILLEGAL.

Prohibition surrendered to Defeat in 1933, but the Government had a Serious Public Relations Disaster because Prohibition Failed. Not only did Prohibition Fail in its Mission to Stop Americans from Drinking it also gave Rise to Organized Crime. Along with the Rise of Organized Crime came Countless Murders and Assassinations as Bootleggers fought for Territory and Customers A Like.

So The Governmental Law Agencies had to find a New Public Enemy Number One to Save Face from Prohibitions Failure, and Distract the Public from the Monumental Failure that Prohibition turned out to be. Motivated by Desperation, Humiliation, and Racism The Federal Law Agencies Demonized Marijuana due to the Fact Latinos (Primarily Mexicans) were the Key demographic of Marijuana Smokers along with Jazz Musicians (aka African Americans) at the Time. And Thus REEFER MADNESS WAS BORN.

Not only was REEFER MADNESS a Campaign of Pure Propaganda and Lies focusing Heavily on the Threat that Pot Smoking Minorities posed to the White Man’s way of Life. Marijuana They said would Not Only Lead to Instant Addiction, Insanity, Crime, and Death to those Who Used it, and that Directly put America’s (White) Youth, as well as (White) Women in Harms Way. Thus the Evils of Alcohol were turned into the Evils of Marijuana.

Then eventually Marijuana was Illegal on the Federal Level and the Raging Fire of Reefer Madness subsided to a Pile of Smoldering Embers after Marijuana was made Illegal. That was until Ronald Regan the D-List Actor turned D-List Politician took office as the President of the United States in 1980. Regan was the one Who Declared the War on Drugs and the First Drug His New Drug War Targeted was Marijuana. The Flames of Reefer Madness jumped back to Life to become a Full on Bonfire of Misinformation, Propaganda, and Blatant Lies perpetuated by The combination of Government and Law Enforcement Agencies.

Now in 2019 with 2/3 of the 50 States that comprise America have Legal Medical or Recreational Marijuana (though it is still bastardized and Illegal on the Federal Level) gave way to Exposing all the Propaganda and Lies that The Government had been Force Feeding the American Public starting in 1933 and then Resurrected with Regan’s War on Drugs. It also had allowed for the Positive Effects of Marijuana have come to Light through New Unrestricted Scientific Studies. With all this You’d think the Booze Vs. Buds argument would have been rendered Moot, but Alas No. There still some Old School Drug War Dinosaurs wondering the Land desperately trying to Fan the Flames of the Anti-Marijuana Movement.

For All Those Dinosaurs and the Misinformed, or Naysayers here’s just a Short List of Facts on the Subject.

BOOZE:

According to the 2013 YRBS, the most COMMONLY ABUSED DRUG among Teenagers is ALCHOL. Alcohol is in Fact a Drug as the American Medical Association defines a Drug as “Any and All Mind or Mood Altering Substance”. In the Past 30 Days Alone 35% of High Schoolers admired They Drank Alcohol, 21% took part in BINGE Drinking, 10% Drove Drunk, and 22% said They had gotten in a Car with a Driver who had also been Drinking.

A LARGE Proportion of Interpersonal VIOLENCE is related to Alcohol. 80% of Murders, Aggravated Assaults, Domestic Violence, and Rapes are related to Alcohol Consumption.

Alcohol Offenses constitute the LARGEST Single Arrest Category which includes Public Drunkenness, Public Urination, Indecent Exposure, Disorderly Conduct, Vagrancy Charges, and Drunk Driving.

A LARGE proportion of Automobile FATALITIES are Related to Alcohol Use. in 2013, 10,076 (31%) of Fatal Car Accidents were Alcohol Related. The National Highway TrafficSafety Administration cites Alcohol as the MOST Pervasive SINGLE FACTOR found in Fatal Highway Accidents.

Alcohol is DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Alcohol leads to Alcoholism, Diabetes, Heart Problems, Kidney Issues, and Wet Brain just to Name a Few. Alcohol Kills approximately 88,000 People Per Year, which is MORE than ANY OTHER DRUG besides Nicotine which Kills 480,000 People a Year. 4,300 of the 88,000 Fatalities are due to Underage Drinking.

People who Drink are more likely to Engage in Sexual Activity, have Unprotected Sex, Have Sex with a complete Stranger (The preverbal One Night Stand/Hook Up), or be the Victim OR Perpetrator of a Sexual Assault (aka Rape.)

MARIJUANA:

Today there are OVER 2 MILLION Americans incarcerated in the Prison System making America’s Prison Population the LARGEST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Over 350,000 of the 2 Million Inmates are Serving Time for Drug Offenses. It has been proven that sending Drug Offenders to Rehab is FAR More Beneficial than Imprisonment since the Crime is a Symptom of the Sickness of Addiction. Prisons are basically just Collages for Convicts where Low Level Offenders can Learn how to be Major Criminals with Tutorials in Drug Dealing, Car Jacking, Identity Theft, Gang Banging, Murder, Rape, and that’s just for Starters.

10 States still have SEVERE collateral Sanctions for Marijuana Offenders. Florida has the MOST SEVERE Sanctions in regards to Illegal Marijuana Offenders (Florida Legalized Medical Marijuana in 2017). Possible Sanctions include a Barred on Educational Aid, Barred from being a Foster Parent, Denial of Housing Assistance, Suspension of Driver’s License, Barred from Voting, Barred from Serving on a Jury, Lost Job Opportunities in the Medical Field, and Barred from Possessing a Fire Arm.

Over the past 4 Decades, the Federal and State Governments have spent a WHOPPING 1 TRILLION DOLLARS on the War on Drugs. Imagine what that money could have been used for like Repairing Infrastructure, Education, Healthcare, Poverty, Cancer Research Etc.

In 2015, 61% of American Voters believed Marijuana should be Legalized on the Federal Level. in 2019 the Number of American Voters believe Marijuana should be Legalized.

72% of American Voters Believe Marijuan should be Decriminalized, and there should be a FINE NOT TIME for Marijuana Possession.

I encourage all Our Reader’s to Properly Educate Themselves using Only Facts and Decide for Themselves where They Stand on the Alcohol Vs. Marijuana Argument/Debate. QUESTION EVERYTHING, KEEP AN OPEN MIND, AND THINK FOR YOURSELF.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (43/365)

“Aw Goddamnit! The Electric in this Building is TOTALLY SHITTY!” announced Dizzy loudly with a great deal of Aggravation. “This Building is so damn Old and The Owner is such a Cheap Bastard the Wiring is beyond Faulty. Honestly I don’t know how the Crooked fucker gets away with it I mean He has to be bribing the Housing Authority or some Shady shit.”

Lee paused in the Doorway feeling rather awkward as He listened to Dizzy Banging into or Bouncing Off whatever there was Hidden in the Veritable Blackhole of Dizzy’s Apartment. Finally there was a Ray of Sunshine that cut through the Shadowy Interior Gloom, and Lee at last Entered into Dizzy’s Apartment.

As Lee’s eyes Adjusted to the Introduction of Day light after Navigating through the Dimly Lit Cave of a Building that Dizzy called Home. Dizzy’s Apartment gave the Impression that a Hard Partying Heavy Metal Band from the fucking 1980’s was residing there, and Currently reliving the Fame of a Career that had be Dead and Buried Decades Ago.

There was a Cloud of Dust almost as Thick as Smoke hanging in the Air like a Lingering Ghost. Dizzy’s Apartment smelled like a Moldy Basement filled with forgotten and Decaying Boxes which was masked by the Intense Stench of Cigarettes, Gallons of Cheap Stale Beer, and a Mild Hint of Ammonia reminiscent of a Cat Box that Needed Changing.

Lee Maneuvered careful over to Dizzy’s Couch which looked like it had been Salvaged from the Curb several times over before reaching Dizzy instead of the City Dump. The Couch had one of the Ugliest Patterns from the Nightmare of Style know as The 70’s. The Pattern was of Large Cartoonish looking Daisys in Mustard Yellow, Vomit Green, Ugly Ass Orange, and Accented with Shit Stain Brown. The Couch was so fucking Repulsive Lee could imagine it making People Nauseous enough to actually Puke, and even if They Threw Up on the Couch No One would be the Wiser as it would just Blend into the Eye Sore Collage that was Dizzy’s so called Couch.

Lee checked to make sure the Couch Cushion was Dry and devoid of any Suspicious Stains of Unknown Origin before sitting on what Lee considered a fucking Diseased Soaked Monstrosity. In front of the Couch was a Coffee Table which did look like it had come Directly from the Dump. One Leg was held on with a copious amount of Well Worn Duct Tape, and was Littered with Empty Booze Bottles, Several Overflowing Ashtrays with Cigarette Butts cascading down the side like a Cancerous Avalanches, and a couple Foreign Eastern Block Porno Mags. . The Couch was Bookended by a Pair of Beaten to Hell Mismatching Television Trays Each with a Cluster of Heavily Used Half Melted Candles and assorted other Items such as a Well Used Bong, a TV Remote that was so fucking Old the Numbers had worn off with Use and quite a few Buttons were by this point in time were Missing

Lee gazed across the Room to the Far Wall were a Lone disheveled Chest of Drawers with 9 Drawers. One of the Drawers had gone missing and the other 8 Drawers were in Various Stages of Hanging Open. Some were barely Open while Others were hanging all the fucking way Out. There weren’t any Cloths visible as the Drawers looked to have been filled with all kinds of useless Junk. On Top of the Dresser was a Seriously Outdated TV that had a Pair of Rabbit Ears on Top, and “Property of Princetonian Hotel” stenciled in white on the Side. Lee wondered to Himself if The Pricetonian was the Name of Dizzy’s Dwelling or the Name of Where it was Stolen From. After a Moment of Contemplation Lee decided it must be the Later.

Be Sure To Tune In For Next Weeks Inside Out Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (44/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:22 am)

We’re The Worst Superhero’s of All Time

My Wife and I had planned a Road Trip to get Out of Town for a While and to take a break from Life’s endless Trial, Tribulations, and General Horseshit. We board Our 4 Large Rottweilers at a Boarding Facility a Couple of Towns Over from Our little Neck of the Woods. We Board them since 4 Rottweilers on the Road in a fucking Hatchback would be an Insane Undertaking.

We loaded Up the Dogs and hit the Road headed to a Town a few over from us. It was a pleasantly sunny Day but Hot as a Motherfucker with a Humidity Index of 90%. My Wife was Driving and I saw mindlessly staring out the Window checking out the Scenery as We drove along to Our Destination.

Far down the Road almost almost out of Sight a Black SUV looking Vehicle that had pulled up in front of one of the Many Abandoned Buildings that Dot the Countryside, and all of a Sudden the Vehicle took off like a Bat Ot of Hell with its ass on Fire. The Vehicle quickly disappeared out of Sight and We continued Our uneventful Drive.

The Next thing I saw was truly one of those things that makes You think to Yourself What The Fuck s That About. As I was blankly staring at the Thick Woods that lined the side of the Road I saw a Man with a Shaved Head, Shirtless, with a Homeless Floridian Panhandler’s Tan, and carrying what appeared to be a Military Type Duffle Bad Deal slung over His Shoulder. He stuck out like the Preverbal sore fucking Thumb since We were in a long and virtually uninhabited stretch of Road with a Few scattered Houses spaced Out along it.

The weirdest fucking thing was this Guy was Walking Out of the Woods towards the Road. This normally wouldn’t concern Me in the Least as I have said We live in the Boonies so Seeing a Hunter decked out in Head to Toe Camo standing on the Side of the Road or walking out of the Woods is just Typical around here. This Guy wasn’t a Hunter in fact for all intensive purposes He looked like a fucking Homeless Junkie.

Before I could even make comment to My Wife about the Strange Junkie Emerging from the Woods We came around a Blind Curve, and there was the Black SUV Vehicle that had come to a COMPLETE dead Stop as if it was in a Parking Spot at some fucking Walmart. Since it was a Blind fucking curve there was 20 feet between Our car goin 50 miles an Hour or so (The Speed limit is 55 on that road, but as You can imagine People drive even Faster because they can’t seem to kill themselves fast enough.) and the Unknown Vehicle that was again at a DEAD STOP. I had just enough time to say My Wife’s Name and then all We could do is Prepare for Impact.

Our Lives didn’t flash before Our eyes, It wasn’t like being in a fucking Movie, and Nothing appeared to go into Slow Motion. I a split NANO SECOND I saw the Vehicle and thought Holy fucking Shit Their not Moving, and then just simply the word Fuck then We collided with the Rear End of the Vehicle in Question. We hit so fucking Hard not only did BOTH Air Bags Deploy they fucking Exploded filling the Car with a think Cloud of Chemical Dust that smelled like Burning Plastic. The Hood of the Car was crumpled all the way back to the base of the Shattered Windshield like a Crinkle Cut Fry.

The Dogs thank fucking God weren’t Hurt as They slammed against Each other and collapsed in a Heap all accept for Mama Dog who had been sitting between the Front seats so She could see out the Windshield. Mama Dog came flying forward between the Seats Head First towards the Windshield, and I stuck My Arm Out like a Toll Gate catching Her before She smacked into the Windshield or the Dash Board. Our Ears were ringing, We were uncontrollably shaking a good Bit, and Spent the first couple of Minutes trying to figure Out if We were in fact Dead. Luckily We were alive and Not seriously Hurt.

My Wife excited the Vehicle by Squeezing Herself out the Car door that at this point barely Opened enough for Her to do so. I checked on the Dogs who were handling the Accident far better it appeared than We Humans. I then had to Crawl out of the Car Window since My Door was so jacked the fuck up it Couldn’t Open not even a Crack. The Other driver walked Over to Us as I slid out of the Car Window, and looked as in Shock as We did as Everyone’s Adrenaline was Flowing like the fucking Mississippi River after a Major Down Pour. The Entire Engine lay Exposed to the Sun tilted to the Left, Anti Freeze along with Oil and Radiator Water were Draining Out Every fucking where. There was Shrapnel consisting of the Front Bumper, Head Lights, and Various Extraneous Debris splayed out across the Asphalt.

We established No One was seriously Hurt and as We stood there in Shock to the Point No One could Figure Out what to do Next. We finally Mentally collected Ourselves enough to think some what strait and knew We had to call the Police and then Our Insurance Company immediately. Before We could call the Cops a Gnarly Fire Fighter Rescue Pick Up Truck pulled up Behind Our Vehicle. The Truck was fucking Huge even by Truck standards and had Flashing Lights on Top with the Station Number in the Middle of a Badge Insignia (1211 by the way). The Driver was a rather Big Fellow decked out in Navy Blue Cargo Pants, Shit Kicker Boots, Navy T-shirt with The Fire Rescuer’s Emblem on it, and a Navy hat also sporting the Fire Rescue Logo.

The Fire Rescue Fellow showed up so Fast like I said We hadn’t even dialed the Police as We all were still Badly Shaken Up by what had just occurred. It turned Out there was another Young Man not looking a Day over 22 with the Fire Rescue Fellow who jumped out, threw on a Florescent Yellow Vest like the Road Construction Crews wear, and crossed to the Other side of the Road to Direct Traffic as the Vehicle We Hit was still parked in the road blocking the Entire Lane.

The Next to Show was the Ambulance and the EMTS who We informed were not needed at this Time as No One was Seriously Hurt nor Requesting Medical Attention. I’d like to pause here for a brief second. I fully fucking Believe there should be a 24 Hour Medical Consultation Law that Allows Victims of Car Accidents a FULL 24 Hours to Seek Treatment POST Accident. This is due to the Fact that with all the fucking Adrenaline and Sheer Shock of it All People aren’t aware of Injuries at the exact Time o the Crash. I mean unless Your Unconscious, Profusely Bleeding, have a Broken Limb, or are Trapped in the Wreck People always Dismiss the Paramedics. Then later when the Adrenaline and its wonderful knifing effects wear the hell off You start to become aware of all the Sore Muscles, Bruises, Scratches, and Cuts that You incurred in the Accident.

Now Back to Our Story.

Its at this Point The Story takes an Unforeseen Twist when the Fire Rescue Fellow asks My Wife and I if We saw the Bald Junkie Dude run into the Woods with something and then Run back out again. We told the Fire Rescue Fellow What We had seen and then told Him that after Impact We were to fucked in the Head to Notice what the fuck The Junkie did or didn’t do. I then informed the Fire Rescue Fellow of what I had seen before the collision. The Fire Rescue Fellow informed us the reason He had made it onto the Scene so Fast was the Next Car to come down the Road after Our accident was in fact His Brother who called Him Directly to report the Crash and let His Brother Know some Guy had run into the Woods to ditch Who Knows What. The Fire Rescue Fellow then told Us He would remain at the Crash Site because and I quote “Theres something Not right about those Guys.” referring to the Occupants of the Other Car.

The Other Driver walked up and instantly the Fire Rescue Fellow asked Her straight up what was it that the Guy hid in the Woods. She of course says She has No fucking Clue who He is or That She was picking Him Up. She went on to say the Other Woman in the Car who looked like Your Stereotypical Meth Addict was Her Best Friend who She hadn’t seen in 6 months (More than likely because the bitch was doing a 6 month bit in County Jail), and the Guy was Her Boyfriends who again She had No Clue about. This is a Classic Drug Addict explanation as its full of fucking Holes. The Fire Rescue Fellow tells the Woman The Police are in Route, and He’ll have Them bring a K-9 Unit out if Necessary. She stuck to Her story and things progressed.

A Actual Fire Truck showed Up, but since there was No Fire (Thank fucking God) there was No Need for Them so They left for Somewhere They were in fact Needed. As The Fire Truck was pulling away the Local Sheriff Patrol Cars pulled Up. The Sheriffs made Sure We were indeed Ok and Prceeded to Help Direct the increasing amount of Traffic that was backing Up as The Sheriffs Closed BOTH Lanes simultaneously. The Sheriffs also made sure No One tried to Leave the Scene of the accident, and to Insure there was No Physical Confrontation between those involved in the Accident.

I’m not gonna lie as I stood there watching things unfold I had to fight the Impulse to Run Over to the Other Vehicle (which was a Jeep it turned out not an SUV), and Beat the Holy fucking shit Out of the Junkie Dude since it was essentially His fault. If His filthy Drug Addled ass was being picked up on the side of the fucking Road by His Drug Addict supposed Girlfriend and the Other Driver NON of this Would have Happened.

By Now the Few scattered People living out that way had made Their way from Their Houses near by to the Accident Site, and We the Coolest Bunch of People they were the kind of People that restore Ones Lost Faith in Humanity that’s for sure. Everyone of Them asked if We were Ok, if We needed Anything, and Brought Not Just Us but Our Dogs Cold Bottles of Water. No joking here but These Good Samaritans were as concerned for Our Dog’s Welfare as much as Ours which I found to be utterly fucking Awesome.

My Wife at this Point was on the Phone reporting the Accident to Our insurance Company as I tended to the Dogs making sure They had Water and didn’t try and Jump out of the Car during all the commotion. I called My Mother who is My only relative around these parts and asked Her to come over and Pick Up the Poor Dogs since it was Hot and Humid as Hell. The Last fucking thing We needed was for a Dog to suffer a fucking Heat Stroke from baking in the Car now turned Oven. Thankfully She was at Home and ready to lend a Helping Hand however it was needed. She arrived about 23 minutes later and My Wife and I loaded Up the Four Dogs into Her Air Conditioned Car.

It was also at this point the Sheriffs made sure Everyone Stood Roadside as the Woods were Now Off Limits to Anyone Who wasn’t Law Enforcement. The Highway Patrol was called in to Deal with the Actual Accident and would be arriving shortly. Also I nice Older Man who Lived about 150 feet from the Accident Site told My Mother She could park in His Drive Way which was Shady and would keep Her out of The Polices Way. I walked down to His Driveway and He came out of His Workshop (Turns Out He’s a Welder among other things) with a Big Bowl of Fresh Cold Water for Our Dogs.

Time Passed as the Three Ring Circus of an Accident was in full Swing, and I couldn’t take the Dogs Home because the Highway Patrol would want My Account of the Accident. So I stood in this Nice Old Guy’s Front Year watching the Fiasco for a While. Eventually the Fire Rescue Fellow walked over to Me and Informed Me that The Deputy’s (Yet more Law Enforcement) had arrived and were currently in the Process of Arresting the Meth Head Girlfriend Passenger in the Jeep We hit because She had NOT One, BUT SEVERAL ACTIVE WARRANTS OUT FOR HER ARREST. So She was Off to Jail. I again won’t lie this Delighted Me because it was Her Scummy Junkie Boyfriend they were Picking Up.

Apparently I was told that Each Law Enforcement Agency had its Own Particular Role in this Situation. As I said earlier The Sheriff was there for the Initial Assessment and to Keep the Peace. The Highway Patrol was there sole for the Accident, and the Deputies were there to Arrest The Junkie’s Meth Mouthed Girlfriend so there were a lot of motherfuckers with Badges.

Another Development had occurred while My Wife was still Maning the Phones like a fucking Champ, and I was keeping My Mother and Dogs company while chatting with the Nice Older Man and His Adult Daughter. It just so happened there was a Petty Thief that had been operating in their Area Breaking into Vacation Houses, Boat Houses, Garages, Tool Sheds, Workshops, and Vehicles to Steal whatever They could. THIS was the reason for the Fire Rescue Fellows Diligence, and the subsequent interest of the Various Police Departments in the Bald Junkie fuck I had seen walking Out of the Woods before the Accident.

The Police had been actively searching the Woods and had located several Stashes of Peoples Personal Property that the Bald Son of a Bitch had STOLEN and then since obviously He didn’t have a Car Hid in the Woods to swing back and pick up at a Later Date. Of course the Entire Time the Two Druggie Scumbags are Lying every which way to avoid the Increasingly good Possibility They BOTH would End up in Jail by the End of it all. With His Meth Loving Girlfriend was taken into Custody and He was put in Handcuffs He shut right the fuck up. And Yes in the End the Bald Bastard turned out in a Scooby Doo Twist to be the Piece of Shit Revolting Robber so He went to Jail just like His Meth Hooker Looking Girlfriend. As it turned out The Last Person this Scumfucks Junkie Robbed was as it turned out the Nice Older Man’s Place as His Daughter had conferred with the Cops, and Identified several items that belonged to Her Father.

The Highway Patrol finished up all the bullshit Paper work and Sited the Driver of the Jeep with a Ticket and Court Summons for making an “Illegal Stop”, returned My Wife and My Drivers Licenses, and told Us That We were in No Way required to show up on the Jeep Drivers Court Date, BUT if We did it would Help Them Nail Her to the fucking Wall. So Yes We are going I think it will be nice to be in Court and NOT being the Defendant and of Course FUCK HER THE BATSHIT BITCH. Fuck Up My Plans and I’ll Fuck Up Your LIFE.

Then My Wife got a Ride Home with the Tow Truck Driver who had showed up while We were with the Highway Patrol. I rejoined My Mother in Her car and Took the Dogs on Home at Last. The SOLE thing that gave this Shit Cloud a Silver Lining was when the Deputy Officer made a point of telling Us that Not to take it the Wrong Way, But as Unfortunate as Our Accident Was and Giving that No One was Seriously Hurt Had in Fact “Solved a lot of Problems for Us.”

(1) (2)

SO there You have it My Wife and I are in fact Superhero’s. Superhero’s without ANY Super Powers or Crime Fighting Weapons (like Batman). No We just Drive Around and Stop Crime by Crashing into Criminals. Then We simply Wait for the Cops to Come and Arrest Them. That would effectively make Us the WORST SUPERHEROES OF ALL TIME.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (3)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (42/365)

“Here We are Home at Last!”, said Dizzy Joyfully, “Watch Your Step till I get some Light going.”

Dizzy fumbled with the Lock for a good 3-4 minutes jiggling the Handle and Key alike while Pushing and Pulling at the Door waiting for it to Comply and allow Them Entry. Lee noted the Door was an Actual Antique being made out of Solid Oak Not the Cheap Composite Board Ikea Crap. There was No Cutting Corners for Whoever the Craftsman was who made this Door using Creativity, Determination, Skill, and a whole hell of a lot of Elbow Grease.

You could see the Door was well Worn by Years of Being Opened, Closed, Slammed Shut, Knocked On, Kicked, Swung Open, and the General Test of Time Itself. It showed it Battle Wounds No matter how many Layers of Paint (currently the Door had been Painted a Shitty Shade of Green that resembled the Color of an Old Bowl of Split Pea Soup) Coated it You could still see all the Scratches, Gauges, and Dings the Door had Endured Throughout the Many Years of Service.

Lee couldn’t help but think of How some of the Crappiest Places on Earth could still Hold on to Treasures of Times like the Oak Door. Lee thought it was a Tragedy of Society that Millennials had No Concept of Quality as They were a Part of the New so called “Throw Away Culture.” Back not to Long ago When Lee was a Child Appliances such as Refrigerators and Dishwashers were Built to Last and could go 10 Plus Years before One needed to even consider Replacing it.

Lee believed fully that Capitalism had Cannibalized the Consumer as They Monitized Every Facset of Human Life.Today Products like Appliances and Furniture are so Cheaply Made (as to Keep Profits High as Possible mind You) its designed to Crap out on You. Appliances have a Average Usage Life or approximately 5 Years. The Mass Produced Ikea Furniture thats all the Rage Breaks or Falls Apart in No Time Flat. So in by the End of Your Life Millennia’s will have been Financially Raped into Replacing Products Several Times or More while Wasting a Small Fortune in the Process. Capitalism has Bastardized the word Disposable Lee thought from Paper Plates to Include Any and Every Product You can find in Your Home. Capitalism has Consumed the Consumer Lee though in utter Disgust and Great Contempt.

The same was with the Classic American Hand Made Furniture made by Artisans Who were Truly Masters of Their Craft. Dinning Room Sets, Bed Room Sets, Chairs, Hutches, China Cabinets were Made to Last up, and can up to or Over 100 fucking Years. Antique Furniture had/has Personality since it was Made By Craftsman’s Hands, and Not made of Cheap Flimsy Materials as They’re Mass Produced on a fucking Assembly Line in some fucking Factory. Just another innocuous Production Plants Pumping Out Product as Fast as Humanly Possible with No regard to Quality Nor Aesthetics. Lee couldn’t get His head around it. Why would anyone Settle for Connivence over a Crap Load of Cash?!

Now a days Millennials are completely Oblivious to the Fact Their Ignorance is being Exploited like a Son of a Bitch as They are completely Blinded by Advertising, and Brainwashed By Consumerism. They use something then the Sub Par Piece of Shit Breaks, and They just go Out and Spend more Money replacing it. Instead of Wondering Why the hell They are Wasting so much Money Unnecessarily Millennials just Shrug, assume thats “Just the Way it Is”, and Fork Over Fistfuls of Cash for Shoddy Craftsmanship and Cut Rate Materials. Lee thought of it as if Someone came up to You and asked if You’d like to by some crap at Their Yard Sale which most Everyone wouldn’t, BUT They were doing exactly that every time They bought shit for there Homes like Poorly constructed Furniture or Second Rate Appliances/Electronics.

“Are You going to come in or Wait to be Mugged in the Hallway?!” Dizzy asked having already Vanished into the Cloak of Darkness that Enshrouded His Apartment.

“Yeah I coming since I don’t feel the need to be Sexually Assaulted in the Stair Well by some Bastard on Bath Salts.” replied Lee in a Bitter Half Joking tone of Voice.

Tune in Next Week for the Next Bowel Irritating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (43/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis:Professional People Watcher (41/365)

Without saying another word Dizzy went bounding up the Stairs towards the Unresponsive Junkie. Once He reached the Junkie he shoved Him to one side and as the Junkie slumped to the right Dizzy literally stepped over the Junkies shoulder. Dizzy took a second to light a cigarette before placing His boot between the Junkie’s shoulder Blades, and shoved Him unceremoniously down the flight of Stairs.

The Junkie came tumbling down Ass over Elbows in a Flurry of Flailing Limbs finally hitting the Landing were Lee was standing. The Junkie lay there in a crumpled pile like a Wad of Chewed Up Bubble Gum. Lee frozen momentarily in Shock as He stared down at the Junkie wondering what the fuck He should do about it. Lee definitely wasn’t about to call the fucking Cops that’s for sure They’d just give Dizzy and Him a Hard Time Hassling Them Unnecessarily because They weren’t Happy about cleaning Up and After a Scummy Junkie. Lee did wonder if He should at least call 911 and have some Medical Professionals handle it. Lee also wasn’t sure if He Should He say anything and just continue to follow Dizzy to His Apartment?!

“If You’re afraid He’s Dead check His pulse or see if He’s still breathing. I assure You He’s fucking Fine.” Dizzy said with total confidence. Lee glanced up at Dizzy who was leisurely taking Prolonged drags of His Cigarette with an air of Boredom.

Lee landed over and gingerly took hold of one of the Junkies wrists and was relieved to feel a Pulse and Not a Fresh Corpse. The Junkie suddenly let out a Low and Hollow Moan that startled the hell out of Lee and made Him Jump back away from the Junkie’s contorted body that lay only a few feet from Him. Lee could hear Dizzy Laughing deeply as if He had just heard the funniest fucking Joke ever Told. Lee shot Dizzy a “Fuck You” Scowl as He failed to find the Humor in the Situation.

“I fucking TOLD YOU, I told You He was Fit as a Fiddle. A Dope Addicted Fiddle that just fell Head long down a Flight of Stairs it’s a bit fucked up but Fine in General.” Dizzy Said with a Calm Confidence.

Lee slid past the Battered Body of the Junkie and resumed His Journey to Dizzy’s Apartment. Lee was annoyed that Dizzy hadn’t given Him any sort of Heads Up about the Living Conditions located in the Confines of This Skid Row Style Hotel. Lee didn’t harbor any Empathy for the Junkie He just wish He had been made aware so He wouldn’t have to worry about being fucked with by the Cops or Possible Arrested Himself. Thats the exact kind of bullshit He didn’t need in His life Lee kept telling Himself over and over again in His Head until He realized Dizzy was Still Talking as They went.

“You want to know HOW I knew that Junkie fuck was just Fine and Dandy? I’ll tell You it’s quite simple You see it like a Car Crash. If your about to inevitable be in an Auto Accident They say the Best thing to do is Go Limp. Which goes against EVERY Natural Instinct for Self Preservation instilled in Humans since Day One. If You try and Brace Yourself say by putting Your Hands on the Dashboard all Your guaranteeing is if You live that You’ll have Two fucking Broken Arms.”said Dizzy in a Tone of Voice that reminded Lee of an Educational TV Show Narrator.

“Thats some seriously fucked up Real Life Shit right there.” respond Lee flatly as He still hand’t fully come to grips with the whole Junkie incident, and was currently wondering what Other Oddities way lay in wait. Lee generally didn’t give a flying fuck about Anything as long as He knew what it was or what was going On that was all. It seemed like a normal request to Him at any rate.

“It’s like when Your watching one of those Extreme Skiers who attempt to Ski down some insane Monstrous Mountains at a fucking 65 degree angel and shit, and then They wipe the fuck out falling Hundreds to Thousands of Feet as You watch Them Flopping around like a Rag Doll. It’s the exact same Principle since initially the Skier is knocked out and thus goes completely Limp. It’s the only way Any of those crazy motherfuckers can do that shit without Dying when They Fall.” said Dizzy ignoring Lee’s suddenly sullen mood.

Be Sure To Tune in for Next Weeks Lactose Intolerant Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (42/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:33 am)

Davey on Acid and The Friendly Ass Biter

It was a Mildly Pleasant Summer Day in Suburban Hell when I met up with My partner in Crime Armenian who just so happened to have some Seriously Intense LSD. Since there was never anything to do (which explains all the Drug Use) in Our Tiny Town so We had to be Creative.

On this Day Armenian and I decided to visit an Acquaintance of Ours named Davey. I say acquaintance since We weren’t actually Friends, but We knew each other because We moved in the same Social Circles. I expressed the interest in seeing what Davey would be like on Acid, and thus Our Plan for the Day materialized. I called Davey who was Home and had nothing in particular to do and had No Objection to Hanging Out. Armenian and I then rode Our Dirt Bikes over to Davey’s since We had Our Driver’s Licenses, BUT Neither of Us had a Car.

We showed up at Davey’s a little after Noon to find Him tooling around on His Skateboard in His Driveway. We loitered in the Driveway contemplating what the fuck to do Next since We were in the Possession of Intense LSD, and Davey’s Parents were Home. We didn’t want to Drop Acid at Davey’s thats for fucking sure. There is nothing more awkwardly fucked up than having to Deal with Your or a Friends Parents while Your Tripping Face.

Again not have a Car impeded Our Prospects greatly to say the least. In the End We did the Only thing We could think of because the other issue at Hand was We were all Broke as Hell, and that was to take a Walk. With Our plan now in place We took the Acid, and made Our way to the Woods that bordered Davey’s Neighborhood since it was Secluded. The last thing We wanted was to be aimlessly wondering the Streets were We were vulnerable and could run into other People like Davey’s Neighbor’s, Assholes from Our High School, The Pissy Police, Little Kids, Pets, the Elderly, and Landscapers for example.

By the time We had leisurely strolled over to the Woods the Acid was beginning to kick in Big Time. The disassociating of Reality and Distortion of Time started to Set in along with the Nervous Excitement for the Hallucinatory Adventure ahead of Us. We haphazardly made Our way to a small clearing in the Woods that was utilized by The Teens of Town for Underage Drinking and Smoking Pot. Once We reached the Clearing thats exactly what We did We smoked several joints as the Acid took Full Effect.

We collectively made the Decision that We should leave the Clearing before some other Partiers Showed up. We thought it be best to head down to the near by Creek, Yet We were having a Great Deal of Trouble Locating it as Hallucinations made it Hard to get One’s bearings as You might imagine. After stumbling around and over one another We located a Path (at least at the Time it appeared to be a Path) and figured We were Lost because We hadn’t remember there was in fact a Path We could follow that would lead Us down to the Creek We were seeking for So Diligently.

As We were walking along I pulled a Bur (one of thoseCircular fuckers with all the Prongs) off of My Pant Leg. Armenian who was walking beside Me informed Me I had come in Contact with an Ass Biter. At that point I asked the Only Pertinent question Asking if said Ass Biter was Friendly or Hostile?! To My relief Armenian respond by saying that the Ass Biter in question was indeed Friendly. I looked and saw Davey walking a good bit ahead of Us and still mulling the Bur over between My fingers I thought it be absolutely fucking Hilarious to Toss the Bur at Davey.

Once I lobbed the Bur at Davey I yelled “FRIENDLY ASS BITER!” to for Shits and Giggles. Now I don’t know where Davey’s Head was at the moment I threw the Newly Dubbed Friendly Ass Biter at Him, BUT I think it was Safe to assume He wasn’t in a good Head Space. As soon as I made My Exclamation Davey turned to Look at Me and then took off as Fast as His fucking Feet could take Him off the Path and headlong into the Woods. Armenian and I called after Him letting Him know it was a Joke and He wasn’t in any danger at all, Yet Davey couldn’t be dissuaded and just kept Hauling Ass.

Armenian and I took off in pursuit of Davey but We eventually Lost sight of Him as We got more and more turned around. Then Armenian heard the sound of the Creek and thought it be a Prime spot for Davey to run off to and I agreed. We followed the sound of Flowing Water until We came to the Creek, and We found Davey standing Waist Deep in the fucking Middle of the Creek. Davey was holding completely still like a Statue all accept for His eyes which were Darting back and forth from Bank to Bank as if The Ground was Alive and expected it to Snatch Him Up at any Second.

Armenian asked Davey what exactly He was doing to which Davey replied that Friendly Ass Biters couldn’t Swim and thus were Terrified of Water. I told Davey he needed to get the fuck out of the Creek so We could find Our way out of the fucking Forrest. Davey refused to move Firmly His Ground and the more I tried to get Him out the More Davey dug Himself in. I looked at Armenian with a “What the fuck do We do Now” expression plastered across it.

Armenian to His credit snapped into Action and told Davey that the Government had be Alerted to the Plague of Friendly Ass Biters. And since the Government was made Aware of the Threat had Planes fly over all Wooded Areas and Spray a Non Toxic Anti Ass Biter Agent. This Water Based Agent had been Highly Effective as the Government had just Announced that all Friendly Ass Biter had been utterly Eradicated. Armenian’s bullshit story worked like a Charm and Davey came lumbering out of the Creek without Question.

We made Our way out of the Woods and back to Davey’s which took God knows how long to Achieve. Once at Davey’s His Dad had left to go Golfing or some other dumb ass Suburban Dad Horseshit, and His Mom was putting Davey’s Baby Brother down for a Nap. We took advantage of this and had Davey run inside and retrieve His Cordless Phone which He did flawlessly without freaking out or getting distracted, or just plain forgetting what He was doing. We managed to finally get a hold of a Friend who had access to a Car who came and Picked Us up. We then bummed a Ride to Our Local Mall, BUT thats a Story for Another Day.

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Tale of Dunkin Donuts Man & Starbucks Woman

I was out this Weekend with My Wife at The Godawful Grocery Store Battling the Mind Numbing Monotony of it All. You see Errands Irritate the Shit Out of Me it’s Not the Actual Act of Shopping its All the Other Assholes I have to circumvent or Deal with Outright. The One thing that was Amusing Me was the New Dunkin Donuts T-Shirt I found in My Closet (I can’t remember where it came from Initially.) which Read: Friends Don’t Let Friends Drink Starbucks.

I got a huge fucking kick as I am a Big Time Dunkin Donuts Fan I also fucking HATE THE SHIT OUT OF STARBUCKS always Have ALWAYS WILL. Starfuck’s Coffee is a bunch of Over Hyped and Over Priced Bitter Bullshit, and Not Only That but Starfucks Customers are Pretentiously Lame Lemmings. Starfucks Pompus Customers that get Off on all the Happy Hipster Horseshit like calling the Employees Baristas or the fucking Ridiculously Coded Names for Their Coffees.

My Wife stepped away for a Minute to retrieve some sort of Ass Cream. This was for the Sole purpose of having Me ask Why She was Buying Ass Cream, and then Her Saying “It’s for My Asshole.” before Handing it Directly To Me with a Sly Smile. I like to see that I rubbed off on Her a Bit over the Years even if its My Absurd Sarcastic Sense Humor.

While My Wife was off Getting Her Prop so She could Set Me Up a Woman came Strolling By. Then out of fucking No Where She stops right in from of Me. She stood there Facing Me glaring like She just smiled the Foulest Fart imaginable with one Hand on the Shopping Cart Handle and the Other on Her Waist. She remained standing thee like that before finally speaking the fuck up, and when She did She Said “I HATE Your Shirt.” in a Totally Pissed the fuck Off tone of Voice.

After making Her Spite Filled Statement She again just Stood there in front of Me Disapprovingly like a Angry ass Soccer Mom or Some shit. Now Normally I’d have a Clever and Bitter Response that would have Leveled Her, BUT I was completely Blind Sided by This Barrage of Bullshit. So going with My Knee Jerk Reaction I Blurted out “Well Fuck You Too.” To My Surprise the Woman remained Standing Unfazed by My Harsh and Foul Mouthed Response.

The Two of Us remained in this bizarre Stand Off until luckily for Me My Wife returned. She immediately knew something weird was going on by the Scowl on My face. She asked what was going on, and I informed Her this Stranger had Stopped specifically to tell Me she Hated My Shirt. That and at that Point I had responded with the exclamation “Well Fuck You Too.” My Wife looked over at the Lady and said to her something about being a Starbucks Lover (aka Dunkin Donut Hater) to which The Strange Woman confirmed.

I was still a bit baffled by this bullshit scenario because She didn’t say She Hated My Shirt Jokingly, She didn’t say it Sarcastically, and She didn’t do the Whole “I’m only half Joking because really I’m being a Dick using a Backhanded Compliment.” She simply got in My face and Told Me She Hated My Shirt with No Context or Emotion other than Repulsed Disgust.

A Moment or Two after Admitting Her comment was Pro Starbucks Driven the Woman finally Turned and slowly walked away pushing Her Shopping Cart with Aggravated Determination. Seconds after the Woman Exited the Isle a Man came by and informed Me he liked the Shirt and thought it made all the sense in the World. He pointed out How this Weirdo Woman’s reaction only served to back the Statement written on My T-Shirt. Thats because Starbucks Coffee is Not just a fucking Scam, BUT Their Customers are Stuck the fuck Up Elitist Coffee Assholes to boot.

We finished Our Shopping Trip without Running into the StarBucks Bitch again which I guess is for the Best since I ended up getting rather Pissed Myself after the Fact. The funny fucking thing is Out of ALL (I have an extensive Collection I’ve Accumulated over My Many Years on this Planet) T-Shirts that I Own This was the One that Pissed Off Someone to the Point They had to Personally Inform Me of Their Hate. I mean in all actuality have some T-shirts that are So Offensive I don’t wear them in Public Anymore, Yet its NOT because Someone Confronted Me over any of Them. I’m just trying to Save Myself Bullshit Run Ins like The One I just Wrote About.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (40/365)

All Apologies for the 2 Day Delay. I have No Excuse I simply Forgot Sunday, and Yesterday I got Side Tracked by a Side Project. Again All Apologies.

As Lee’s Mind started to meld with the Madness Plastered Across the Walls. He was becoming Cerebrally Submerged within the Staggering Amount of Emotion it was Overwhelming to think about. And all the Stories, Declarations, Statements, Proclamations, Jokes, and Jest that were being Played Out in this Grotesque Public Forum.

Lee began to try and Imagine Each and Every Mind Set behind Each and Every Artist and Vandal alike. Of all the things that People could have written on the Lobby Walls Why did These People feel compelled to Write what They Did. Was it a Fare Representation of Who They really are, or were these just Temporary Outbursts to Vent the Frustration of Toiling Day after Day as these People Trudged through Their Lives?! Did They ever wonder if Anyone Read it? Did They Ever Stop to think if the Intended Party/Person it was Directed at even Actually Saw it?

Again was this just all simply Lashing Out to Somehow feel Vindicated to feel as if Someone would have to Listen to Them for Once? Did Any of these People ever find Themselves eating Lunch one Day and contemplating if the The Wall had been Repainted thus whipping Their Words from Public Record. Was that the Secret was it knowing that what They wrote wouldn’t stand the test of Time that They felt free to express Themselves as They did?!

Then Dizzy grabbed Lee’s Arm snapping Him back into the Grim Reality that was the Lobby. The pair started Their Ascent up the insanely Narrow Stair Case that reminded Lee of a fucking Submarine or Battleship scenario. It was so Narrow that if Someone was coming in the Opposite directing You’d have to turn sideways, and hug up against the No doubt Filthy wall to let Them squeeze past.

The virtual lack of any sort of real lighting gave the impression You might have inadvertently Stumbled into a Haunted House Attraction at The County Fair. Lee found it all to be Disorienting, and a bit Claustrophobic so After walking up the First couple of Flights He was Praying the Next Apartment They came to would be Dizzy’s.

“One More Flight and We’ll be there,” said Dizzy a bit Winded and Wanting a Cigarette, “Oh fucking really?! REALLY? What The HELL! After all the indiscretions I have had to Suffer Today I come Home to This?! Who wants to deal with fucking Junkies and Their Junkie Bullshit No One thats Who!’

Lee had to Strain to see around Dizzy for a view of what it Exactly it was that was causing Dizzy this Sudden Distress. There Precariously Peached at the Top of the last Flight of Stairs Lee would have to Endure was what Lee assumed was the Junkie Dizzy was set off by.

The Junkie was Slumped so Far Forward it looked like He was trying to suck His own dick right there on the Stirs. His Long Dark Brown Hair was so Matted that it has Started to Naturally form Dreadlocks which smelled like the Dumpster Water (the collection of Various Fluids leaking from Trash Bags that sink to the Bottom of a Dumpster and Stagnate Purifying until its Emptied). He was wearing a Winter Jacket that Lee thought looked like a Trench Coat for a Cold Weather Climate as He assumed it was made out of Wool or perhaps Tweed. Surprisingly enough the Junkie was Barefoot and His feet were Black from the Dirt and Grime of the World Outside. That combined with the Fact the Junkies Toe Nails were Thick, Yellowed, and Over grown made His feet look like those of a Werewolf.

Tune In Next Week For The Next Idiosyncratic Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (41/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Ego & Irony on Twitter

I was just on Twitter doing what I do, and I noticed a Famous Musician (Who I will not Name because I don’t want to Deal with Bullshit) I follow had Tweeted a Strangely Uncharacteristic Tweet. The Tweet said in summation that Her Followers Had “Disappointed” Her and Not just This time but Apparently a Few Times Before as Well. The Tweet was annoyingly Laden with the Angry Face, Thumbs Down, and Fire Emojis making the Tweet look Juvenile as fuck.

There was also a almost Minute Long Video included in the Tweet where said Musician Directly Addresses the Issue at Hand. She again whines about How Her Followers Have and Current are Disappointing Her. The Followers so called egregious Offense apparently was Not Responding to Her Tweet(s) the Way She Wanted Them Too. And for this reason and this reason alone She is Leaving Twitter for Instagram because Twitter again some how Personally Let Her Down.

Granted She is Intensely Political and Hates The Current State of Affairs in America (as do Millions of Other My self Included), and wants to use Her Celebrity or Fame to Influence Her Fans/Followers into Taking Action. In Fact She refers to its as Her “Calls To Action” which where not Received as well as She would have Liked, and is the Primary Cause of this Self Serving Self Pity of Hers.

I see Her point though She utterly fucked it up with Her “Poor Me” Tweet. She wanted to Motivate People via Social Media and thinks Instagram is the Better Social Media Platform for Her, But the Tweet came off ALL KINDS OF WRONG. In Fact it was so fucked Up in My Opinion I’m No Longer a Fan of Her in any Aspect after Watching that Video.

What I got Out of the Video was This:

“People aren’t Doing What I Want When I Want!! They won’t feel and act just like Me on some shit, So fuck Them, Twitter Followers are fucking Disappointments! I’m taking My Toys and Going to Instagram!!! The Instagram Users will Listen to Me and React The Way I WANT THEM TO!!!”

Talk about fucking Egotistical am I right?! How about She just being Happy with the fucking Fact She has Fans/Followers in the First fucking Place. This Feed My Ego, Feed My Fame Horseshit that She is wollowing in is Absolutely CONTEMPTIBLE and DISGUSTING.

REMEMBER NO FANS NO FAME ASSHOLE. RESPECT Your Fans and Appreciate Them for Essentially making You Who You Are. Why would a Fan remain a Fan after Reading/Watching that bullshit Tweet? NOT ME FUCK THAT. For Everyone of Her “Poor Me”s I have a “Fuck You.”

The Ironic thing is as You may Imagine She HATES Trump (As do I) He’s the Vile Head of the GOP Beast, and like Many Others She has talked Shit about Donny’s Immature, Ignorant, Evil and Egotistical Behavior.

So it’s IRONIC that Her Departure from Twitter is EXACTLY HOW TRUMP WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

1. You See When The American People Don’t back Donny or Kiss His Traitorous Orange Ass He Sinks into a Sea of Self Pity, He then gets Angry as Hell, and Lastly He will Rage Tweet about It. Also

2. If Trump doesn’t like Something then Any and Everyone Associated with whatever it is He Dislikes are Automatically Idiots, Fake, Incompetent, Criminal etc.

3. And Finally Trump will have Such a Tremendous Tantrum that He will Completely Quite whatever He is Failing at (which is every fucking thing), and Walk away Head Down claiming He No Longer can be Bothered by this Newly Deemed Nonsense.

This was an Impromptu Lesson from The School of Don’t Meet Famous People You’re a Fan because They’re Human, and Thus are More than Likely Utter Assholes in Reality that will Totally Disappoint You.

Ignorance IS Bliss.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober