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Backrooms Found Footage #2

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring BACKROOMS FOUND FOOTAGE #2 which was/is Been Posted to the Async Channel Yesterday Afternoon. BACKROOMS FOUND FOOTAGE #2 is the Latest Installment of a Psychological Horror Series “Inspired” by the Original BACKROOMS Content Creator Kane Pixels. Some Explanation may be Needed. The Backrooms is a Creepypasta that was inspired by a Comment Left on a Picture of an “Unsettling Room” on 4Chan’s/x/board. The Comment inspired an Expanded Version of the Creepypasta as well as YouTube Videos on the Topic. The Backrooms Creepypasta was made into a Short Horror Film and a Horror Series by 16 Year Old American Director, Visual Effects Artist, and Youtuber Kane Pixels. The ongoing Online Horror Series’s First Installment was Uploaded to Youtube on January 7th, 2022 and Then the Rest of the Series has been Posted over the Course of the Many Months. All Previous Installments are Posted Here for Your Connivence as Well as Our Original Post on the Backrooms Creppypasta.

Well Then What The Fuck IS The Deal With The A-Sync Research?

As it Turns Out there is a Second Channel called A-Sync Research which We thought was a Secondary Channel created by Kane Pixels to Advance Plot Line, But We apparently were Wrong (at least as Far as Face Value is Concerned). A Comment by whoever the fuck is Responsible for the A-Sync Channel stated that the Channel isn’t Run by Kane Pixels, but instead it is Inspired by Him. So what the fuck is this all about then? Good fucking Question and Here is Our View on it. This A-Sync Person/People are NOT Random or are They Fans involved in some Fan Fiction Bullshit. And fucking TRUST US there is No fucking Shortage of Backroom Videos being Pumped Out Currently. Granted though at this Point in the BACKROOMS Trend there are More and More Convincing Copy Cat Videos being Posted. Everyone and their fucking Grandmother are jumping on the Backrooms Popularity in a Classic Overkill Scenario of the “I wanna get in on that and be YouTube Famous Too!” Mentality.

So Then What The Fuck Is Our Point Pertaining To A-Sync Research?

The Person/People behind the Async Research Channel We Honestly Believe are Collaborating Virtually Side by Side with Kane Pixels. We Believe so since the Video Theme, Quality, Production Value, Scenery/Sets, Costumes, and Feel of the Perspective Content Creator’s Videos Coincide with One Another. In All the Other Backrooms Videos We have seen There are Small Harder to See to Glaringly Obvious Differences from Kane and Async’s Videos. The Backrooms Installment from Kane Titled “Presentation” and the Subsequent A-Syncs Video “Exit” have a Good bit in Common. A Prime Example is the Miniature Models of the Backrooms Layout in “Presentation” is also Part of the “Exit” Video as well. Again that Doesn’t Negate the Fact there are Seriously SHIT TON of Videos About/Based on The Backrooms which Really Fucking Muddies the Waters. SO to Keep shit Somewhat fucking Organized We will Note Which Channel Kane’s or A-Sync’s for Each Respective Video.

Our Opinion On THE BACKROOMS Series/Videos/Channels:

This Unique Series does Something Rare Especially Now a Days which is it Simply fucking gets Better with Each Episode. The Series is also Incredible at Building the Tension of Each Installment until the fucking Anxiety of the Characters Bleeds through the fucking Screen. The Backrooms is Definitive fucking Proof You don’t Need a Shit Ton of Cash, Hollywood, Big Movie, An Orgy of CGI, Big Production Companies, Big Time Studios, Famous Actors, Film School/Degree, Jump Scares, or Even Gore to Mindfuck and Creep the Shit out the Audience. We Seriously fucking Enjoy that this Incredible Series’s Vibe/Feeling of Utter and Total Isolation (that Essentially Drives the Series) that was Picking Up Its Pace and Picking It Up Fast. Oddly Enough We seem to be in a Gray Area Impasse as far as the Continuation of the Series. The Last Backrooms (Backrooms – Betrayal) was apparently the Last of the Lost Cameraman Chris Footage it left Many wondering if the Series was indeed Over. Then there is this Additional Video and No One is certain what it may or May Not Signify going Forward, BUT for Now Apparently there are or will be several Additional Found Footage Videos.

Description:1/26/90

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

The Town Where God Chose To Look The Other Way

The Nomadic Traveler stood like a weathered Tombstone just inches Outside of the Town Limit. Typically this would be the Point in the Nomad’s Journey where He’d Tidy Up His Appearance before making His presence Known to the Towns Folk. Normally He’d take the Time and Effort to Clean Himself Up as best He could (considering the Conditions) as Traveling through the Desert always left Him covered from Head to Toe in a Thick Coat of Dust, Grim, and Sand like Soil. He was accustomed to taking some Water from His Canteen to Wash His face and Hands as Thoroughly as Possible. Then He would precede to Wet His Bandana to Wipe off the Latest Wear and Tear of the Road From His Boots to seem more Civil than He actually was. The Last Part of the Process He’d remove His Duster and beat it with Palms of His gnarled Hands. This would send overlapping Billowy Clouds of Dirt and Dust into the Air. The Clouds were so Propionate One could see them wafting across the desolate landscape, and One might Misidentify them as Smoke Signals from a Near By Tribe. With the Rising Prevalence of Cannibalism in this Barron Landscape One could never be too Cautious when Passing Through. The Unofficial Motto that the Area had garnered was “Better Safe Than Supper.” because Plenty of Wayward Travelers had Ended up on a Dinner Plate.

This time though He forwent His usual routine because He was about to Enter one of the Most Isolated, and Thus Depraved Towns with a Notorious Reputation that was well Warranted. The Town had been Named Desperation which summed up Life there to a Tee, and Why the Nomad deemed His Clean Up Routine Unnecessary. Desperation was so Bad Off that He could have arrived walking down Main Street Buck Naked and Drenched in Blood, but Not garner a Single Glance from the Locals. The Nomad wasn’t sure what He’d find awaiting Him in such a Hellhole, and soon to Soon to be just another Ghost Town. The Only Thing the Nomad knew was whatever He found it Sure as Hell wouldn’t be Pretty.

Figuring there was No Point in Delaying the Inevitable the Nomad started His Trek into the Infamous Town of Desperation. He paused for a Minute and Stood at the Top of Main Street so still Not even His Coat moved in the Steady Afternoon Breeze. The Reason was Not intended to be Standoffish Nor Intimidating He simply did this to Provide any Uppity Outlaws, Wannabe Badasses, or Perhaps a Corrupt Sheriff (That is if Desperation even had a Sheriff Currently) to Confront the Unknown Interloper. If any such Person was willing to take Issue with the Nomad’s Arrival He would take them to Task with great Ease. Thus Establishing Himself as Someone definitely Not to to fuck with unless You wanted to Tempt Death to come for You. This Point was especially Valid in a Town such as Desperation where No One Was Living They were barely Surviving. The Last of the Residents were just trying to get from one dismal day to the next Trapped in a Hard and Hellish Existence. In the Nomad’s Extensive Travels He had learned through Observation that when Times are Tough the Nefarious Prosper, and the Lawless Thrive as Light can Not Live in Darkness.

Seeing that No One wished to Air a Grievance about His Presence the Nomad continued His walk down Main Street unobstructed. His Eyes Darted around Calculatingly as He took in His New Surroundings recording every Person, Face, Place, And Detail in His Mind for Future Reference. Desperation was the Failed Cliche of a Prosperous Mining Town Fallen on Hard Times. Originally some Hapless Hillbilly Prospector stumbled across some Gold Nuggets Solely by Chance Triggering The Gold Rush Reaction. As soon as word got around that Gold had been Found in the Area People started to arrive in Droves and causing Over Crowding in the Mining Camps. Finally the Population Grew to the Point that a Town was Built to accommodate the various needs of First the Prospectors followed in Time By the Miners. When the Mayor was asked Why He chose the Name Desperation The Mayor replied “I chose so because Everyone who comes here is Desperate for a Better way of Life, and Gold has the ability to lift someone from Poverty to Prosperity in a Single Day living in a Prosperous Mining Town.”

Once a Large Enough Handful of Prospector’s Hit it Rich the Commercial Mining Companies made Their way onto the Scene. The Mining Companies Ended Up Dominating the Gold Mining in the Area Forcing Out Independent Prospectors. As the things go Desperation was Transformed into a Boom Town Money making Machine until that is the Mines dried up. Once the Mines stopped producing Gold the Mining Companies Packed Up and Moved on to Their Next Mining Endeavor. While this was Obviously good for the Mining Companies it was Devastating to the Town and Decimate its Population. By The Nomad’s Calculations there appeared to only be a Small Group of Locals, and a Couple Struggling Businesses left behind to Fend for Themselves. The Farming Supply Company had Boarded Up its Windows and Left Town Long Ago, The Resident Hotel stood Abandoned and in a State of great State of Disrepair. The Clothing Shop Windows were Empty and almost Blacked Out by the Accumulation of Dust and Dead Bugs while The Bank had a Sun Bleached Closed Sign hanging on the Door. The once Busy Blacksmith Shop stood Vacant as a Testament to a Dying Town on its Last Wobbly Leg ,and the Sherif it turned out had Deemed it too Dangerous to Hang around and had Split along with almost Everyone Else. Even the Local Priest had Locked the Door to Desperation’s Small Church to go Seek His Salvation Elsewhere leaving Desperation a Godless Town.

What Remained Behind Clinging on by the Skin of Their Teeth were The Saloon, and The Brothel located above the Saloon. They were also the Only Places that showed Signs of Life. While the Hotel that severed the Wealthy Owners of the Mining Company (as well as Their Business Associates, Personal Friends, and Occasionally Their Family Members) had been Closed there was a Boarding House that remained Open for Business. This was likely Due to the Increasing Economic Troubles in Desperation had forced a Home Owner to Rent Rooms in an Attempt to make Ends Meat. The General Store appeared to be Limping along with a Meager Inventory that barely covered the Basics. The Last Viable Business in Desperation was a Grim Indicator that the Town was Running on Borrowed Time, and the Clock was Running Out was the Undertaker. The Rest of the Desperation appeared to made up of the Decaying Domiciles of Residents Past a Haunting Reminder of what had once been a Thriving Town.

Large Mangy looking Buzzards perched on Hitching Posts like Gruesome Gargoyles Luridly Leering at Him as if He were Their Next Meal. A Small Group of the Beastly Birds had Gathered at the Feet of a Corpse that was Hanging from a Decrepit Gallows. The Deseased had been left there to Mummify in the Relentless Sun and Unbearable Heat of the Desert Summer. The Sickly looking Scavengers were Squabbling with one another as They Pecked Mercilessly at the Corpses’s Withered and Brittle Toes Until They Successfully Snapped one Off like a Twig from a Bush. The Nomad made took special Notice when it came to the Corpse. The Deadman Hanging from the Gallows (based on the approximate Timeline it takes for a Human Cadaver to Mummify) had been the Work of the now Absent Sheriff, But the Nomad Knew You Didn’t Need a Sheriff to Hang Someone.

Piles of Horse Shit lined the Streets though the Horses had all gone with their Owners to Search Out a Better Quality of Life. The Pungent Stench of Stale Urine permeated the Air making the Nomad’s Eyes Water something Furious. A Dwindling Pack of Stray Dogs rummaged in a Trash Pile rooting around for whatever meager Scraps of Sustenance They could Find. The Traveler thought to Himself the Scene with the Dogs was Rather Fitting since the Residents of the Town were Strays as Well.

To Be Continued…….

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (60/365)

The Bus Load of Passengers Panicked, Anxious, Traumatized, and some what Bloody were running amok in the Parking Lot as The Police and EMTS tried to make sense of the Increasingly Chaotic Situation. The Cops were running around trying to find out what the fuck happened and if They had due cause to Arrest Anyone. For Their part the EMTs were also running around in a Blind Frenzy Assessing Injuries and Dealing with the General Pandemonium created by the Freaked Out Cast of Characters from the Bus.

It was the Preverbal Three Ring Shit Show as Drama Reigned Supreme as all sense of Order had been Abandoned as the Strip Mall. Lee and Dizzy agreed that They didn’t feel the need to be around Cops since They both shared an Equal amount of Distain and Contempt for The Boys in Blue. Also Dizzy had stated that They had far better things to do with Their Time than Spending the Remainder of the Afternoon Sobering Up in the Police Station’s Drunk Tank. So in Onslaught of Insanity that Ensued from the Bus Fiasco Lee and Dizzy made an Easy Exit (as Fast as They Possibly Could without calling Attention to Themselves). They turned the first Corner They came to and then the Next before taking a short cut through the Park to avoid being seen on the Street. Once They exited the Park on the Opposite side They figured at that Point They had successfully made Their Getaway Unnoticed.

“Well Thank God We managed to avoided getting trapped in all that Craziness with the Cops there and all,” said Lee being Honestly Relieved at Not Being Detained, “What the fuck are We going to do Now?!”

“I’ll tell you this We need to Hit up a Liquor Store ASAP since all that Bullshit with the Bus seriously Killed My Buzz.Nothing Sobers You Up like when the Police Show the fuck Up” replied Dizzy rather Irritated.

“If We keep walking We’ll come across a Corner Liquor Store in No Time especially when We are headed into a Poorer Neighborhood. Not a Slum or Ghetto Mind You, but a Economically Depressed Neighborhood.” said Lee as He figured remaining Practical was the Best Strategy as Dizzy was Obviously Agitated.

“Yeah You got that Right,” signed Dizzy growing Weary of the Day’s Ordeals, “I don’t know about YouI need a Sincerely Strong Drink and a Big one at That. I can’t stand People and All the Stupid shit They do and the Cops fuck Cops.”

It occurred to Lee just then at that Moment that He was growing Tired of Dizzy’s company more by the Minute. First Off Dizzy was extremely emotionally volatile Who Feelings could change Drastically on a Dime. One Minute He was Witty, Sarcastic, and Easy Going without a single care in the World. Then Suddenly and without warning in the Middle of a Laugh He could become Pissed and Aggressive or Down right Deeply Depressed. There didn’t seem to be any Rhyme or Reason behind the Sudden Trading off of Emotions. It wasn’t all Bad mind You as Dizzy’s Unpredictability and Unorthodoxly Outlandish Behavior is what made Him Appealing as You never knew what to expect Next. Dizzy definitely kept Other People on Their Toes, and it was the Emotional Intensity provided the Sitting on the edge of Your Seat Feeling You got every time You were with Him. Although at the Same Time the Unpredictability Factor was too Draining even if He was in a Good Mood the Whole Time You hung out You still felt Exhausted just being around someone who’s Intensity can be Overwhelming to the Senses.

Lee thought to Himself as They Duo lazy strolled down the Sparsely Littered Street. Lee mulled over His relationship with Dizzy, and after a good bit of Deliberation He came a Conclusion. Lee Concluded that He had to Distance Himself from Dizzy for a Long While if They were to remain Friends. The Trick was Dizzy in Small Doses that way You could circumvent the Unpleasant Side Effects of Dizzy’s Intensity. Lee wasn’t upset with Dizzy it just seemed that aside from His Overpowering Personality Dizzy seemed to be a Magnet for Madness. Eccentrics of all Sorts The Mentally Unbalanced, The Damaged, The Defective Misfits and Outcast Naturally gravitated to Dizzy a Perfect Example being the Bus Scenario. Lee wanted a Break and Needed to Rid Himself of Dizzy even if again only temporarily.

Lee decided to to Temporarily Tune Out the World and Observe the Various types of Graffiti Plastered across Store Fronts, Lining the Walls of the Allies, and in less Traditional and more Random Places (such a Mailboxes or Public Garbage Cans for Example). The Contrast between the Eclectic Mix of Street Art as Lee liked to Refer to it as since Graffiti had a Negative Stigma attached to it. There were Basic Artist Tags scrawled Hastily in Passing to Full Sized Murals that Encompassed an Entire Side of a Building. Lee chalked up the Variations to the Artists Time (How Much Time Did They Have to Paint Their Piece), and of Course the Raw Talent of the Particular Artist. Graffiti Artists tended to be Self Taught since the Academics Don’t Teach Graffiti in Art School. Lee’s Train of Thought was quickly Derailed by Dizzy’s Shitty Demeanor.

“Can I borrow a couple buck for a Bottle?” Asked Dizzy Demandingly

“Wha Yeah Sure thing.” Lee answered a little caught off guard since he had been Day dreaming at the time.

Dizzy snatched the wadded up Bills from Lee’s hand like a Wild animal snatching Food from a Person’s Hand. This irritated the living shit out of Lee as He felt Dizzy was being a major dick since Lee was the one doing Him the Favor. Dizzy Barged into the Liquor Store like a Bull in a fucking China Shop Flinging the Door Open to the Point to Strained on it Hinges emitting a Sickly Squeaking Sound. Dizzy sorted up and down the Small Row of Isles whipping His he’d Back in Forth which reminded Lee of a Shark in a Feeding Frenzy. At Last Dizzy grabbed a Bottle of Winkler’s Whisky off the Shelf aggressively as if He was taking back some Stolen Property of His.

Dizzy proceeded to then March determinately up to the Store Counter and plained the Bottle down with a thud indicating His currently Abominable Attitude. The Lanky Store Clerk grimaced at Dizzy with a look of Disgust, and made a snide comment about how Dizzy didn’t need to be banging Bottles on His Counter. Dizzy totally disregarded the Clerk and Threw down the Handful of Crinkled Cash Unceremoniously onto the Counter as if making a point to the Clerk that He could be as Disagreeable as He fucking damn well Pleased. The Clerk picked up the Money and Started to unfold it as He counted it out, and after seeing the Money was Sufficient grumbled something about Dizzy Not Hurrying Back anytime soon. Dizzy Exited the Liquor Store in the Same Fashion as HE had Entered in another subtle fuck you to the Clerk.

Stay Tuned for the Next Life Confirming Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (61/365)

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Theres’s a Reason Monday’s have a Shitty Rep.

They say “Mondays are Mondays for a Reason”, and I’m pretty sure the Reason is that the People who Say that are Assholes. That aside what a hell of a Monday this one was and I’m not Joking. It all started When Our Cat ate Our Dog and I had to rush it to the Vet post haste. I hoped the Vet could give the Cat an injection of some Super Laxative allowing the Cat to shit out the Dog thus saving Both Their Lives. As I’m wheeling the Cat to the Car My since the Cat is Your average 8 pound House Cat, and the Dog was a Full Blooded Rottweiler thus creating a serious Spacial Issue for said Cat. The next thing I know My Sister blindsides Me out No Where with My Nephew in tow who looks like He’s had too much Sugar and not enough Sleep.

I agreed to what My Nephew but since My car was in the Shop I had to Borrow My Wife’s Miata which only seats 2. I tossed the Cat into the Passengers seat, grabbed My Nephew and Some Old School Bungie Cords (the kind they made so you could strap Excess Luggage to the Roof of Your Vehicle) without breaking stride. I then proceeded to Tie My Nephew to the Hood of the Car like Hunters do with Deer they’ve Killed with a quickness. My Nephew began to pitch a fucking fit so I simply told Him “You always wanted to go to Disney World so THUNDER MOUNTAIN UP BITCH!”, and with that We were off and running.

I called the Vet from the Car and asked if a Vet Tech could meet Me outside to assist Me and the Vet Office assured Me it be No Problem. So once I got to the Vet Clinic I slowed Down, leaned over and opened the Passenger Side Door, Yelled “TUCK AND ROLL MR. FRITZ!”, and shoved the Cat out of the Car. Luckily cats always land on their Feet so Mr. Fritz was fine. The next stop was My mechanic’s Shop to check on the Progress of My Car Repair. My Mechanic said He was waiting on a part so it might be another day or two, and so I asked Him if in the meantime if he could do Me a favor and Rotate My Back Molars for Me. He promptly declined right there on the spot claiming He couldn’t because He wasn’t a Dentist to which I said I didn’t care as I’m not a Dentist Either so?! Before My Mechanic could counter My Point He spontaneously Combusted which I am convinced was not Spontaneous in the Least. I believe He “Spontaneously” Combusted because He damn well knew He was going to loose the Argument.

As I was leaving My Mechanic My Nephew still mad about being strapped to the Hood like a Dead Deer had Himself a good Old Tantrum, and turned Himself inside out. Obviously I can’t take Him anywhere in that condition, but the little Brat that He is down right Refused to turn Himself Outside In. I don’t negotiate with Terrorists or Children so I put Him in a Duffle Bag because lets face it if your inside out there is a High Risk of Potential Staining, and Blood/Bodily Fluids are a real motherfucker to get out.

While on My way to My car I ended up walking behind to very Stern Looking Men in Expensive Three Piece Suits, and I happened to overhear some of Their Conversation. The Two Men were lamenting How Louie’s Mother made the Best Sauce (Marinara) either of the had ever Tasted, but since Louie fucked up They had to kill Him and His Mother. The fact that They were sent to Kill Louie didn’t seem to bother them in the Least. It was the Inevitable Murder of the Mother who made such a Legendary Sauce that was what They felt was the True Tragedy at Hand.

Along the Way I also saw a Drunk Homeless Man Cannibalizing Himself like a Deranged Snake. Thats to say He was attempting to swallow Himself Whole and had managed to ingest Both Legs up to the Knee. I was absolutely fascinated by the Homeless Man bizarrely abnormal Behavior so I stopped to watch for a while. Half an Hour later He had swallowed Himself Half way and was struggling to get past His Waist, BUT if there is a will there is a way as they say. Eventually the Homeless Man made it all the way up to His Neck and then He asked Me to Pull his Lower lip over His head. Seeing no reason not to I assisted the Man with His Request. Once His lower Lip was fully engulfing His head the Homeless Man took a deep breath and swallowed Himself out of Existence. It was was like watching a Manual Implosion it was fucking Crazy.

My Phone rang and it was the Vet’s Office informing Me they had Successfully induced Vomiting, and Mr Fritz had puked the Dog up and Out Safely. Both the Mr. Fritz and the Dog were exhausted by the whole ordeal and were currently asleep. I said that’s great to hear and that when They’re all good to go to call them a Uber for Me because I was too busy to double back to that side of town Now. Especially when My Nephew was still inside out and all. I pulled up to a light and while waiting for it to change I little Old lady who looked to be in her 90’s started to cross the street.

The Person in front of Me at the light accidentally elbowed Their Horn while reaching around behind them in the backseat. The Little Old Lady who thought the Driver was being Rude or an Asshole stopped Dead in Her tracks and stared motionless at the Driver for a few Uneasy Moments. She then Loudly announced to the World “I don’t have to take THAT shit, when I can Take THIS shit!” and then jumped up on to the Hood of the Offending Driver’s Car. Once She was perched on the Hood She took a Clydesdale Sized Rage Shit. The Driver started to angrily get out of their Car when the Little Old Lady when the Little Old Lady blurted out “Your an Asshole and I’m the Shit!” It looked liken actual Shit Guesser erupted from Her withered Old Ass as She shit Herself into Space.

After seeing something as Appallingly both Revolting and Awe Inspiring event as a Little Old Lady Shitting Herself (well Sharting would be more like it) into the Deepest and Darkest Depths of Space I went directly Home. Once I arrived Home I slapped a shipping Label on the Duffle Bag containing My Inside Out Nephew that said “Please Return to Owner.” See the thing is I had taken the Duffle Bag out of the Lost and Found at the Airport when I was in a pinch. I figured since there was a Tag on it I would just return it directly to the Owner once I need for it was done. I then called an Uber to take the Duffle Bag to the Airport on My Behalf, and spent the remainder of the Day wondering where the Little Pain in My Ass would End Up.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

If You Fuck Up AT Least Be A Man About It.

I mentioned in a Recent Post that We had a New Septic Tank Installed, and Why the Installation went just Fine Everything Else wasn’t. I’m going to be a bit unorthodox here and Tell You the Moral to the Story Up Front. The Moral of this Story is: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF.

You see I have a Contractor Who is Absolutely fucking Awesome and I Trust (which for Me is Saying a Shit Load) so I asked Him for a Referral. He gladly gave Me the Contact Info for the “Only I Guy I Trust for these Things…” as He put it and All was Well. Now right Before I called My contractor’s Guy a Family Friends it turned out had just had a New Septic Tank Installed too. This Family Friend went on and on and fucking on about how goddamn great the Experience was like it was the Second coming of Christ Himself. So after consulting some key Family Members Opted to Use Her Guy since He was apparently fucking Fantastic.

I got in Touch with the Family Friend’s Guy and everything at that point was in fact fine. The Guy Who’s name is, and I swear I’m not bullshitting is Tripp (Yes with to P’s because that makes it Classier or whatever). He showed up on Time and Left before the Job was Done saying Everything was alright and He was off to another fucking Service Call. Again He reassured Me the 2 man work crew He left Behind had everything on lock, BUT it was in the Last 30 Minutes of the Job that shit went South.

I was on the Internet No surprise there when all of a sudden in the preverbal Blink of an Eye My Service Went completely Dead nothing Internet related wasn’t working.I immediately knew what the fuck happened the Work Men had Hit Our Internet Hook up, and I ran the fuck outside to inquire. The first Work Idiot ignored Me when I tried to get His Attention until I got Loud and He couldn’t pretend not to hear me. I demanded to know if one of them had accidentally banged into My Shit because all of a sudden coincidentally Dead in the fucking Water as it were.

The Work Idiot I addressed Never actually said a single fucking word obviously not wanting to answer the Question like a guilty fucking child. What I mean by that is He acted like a Child who damaged something, put it back, and hoped no one would notice only to inevitably end up being Caught. So while Work Nitwit number one was Playing Dumb for all it was fucking worth they other Work Stooge asked Me if I had tried resetting the Wifi. I suppose the Question was meant to distract Me but what the fuckwit hadn’t considered was I anticipated such stupidity and already had preformed all the Standard Tricks and Trouble Shooting to No Avail.

I informed the Backhoe Driving Fuck Stick I had and it Obviously was due to the Fact that they accidentally damaged My outside Internet hook up and Shit. I then proceeded to jump onto My phone to keep from going Completely Insane on the Two dumbfucks milling around in My front Yard. I am well aware I have fucking anger management issue and I try not to be a utter fucking Asshole,, BUT I have no fucking problem being a Really Nasty Fuck if need Be. As I do my damndest to not go Batshit Crazy on these Two fucking Fools They shuffle around for a few Minutes, and then up and Left without saying jack diddly shit. Of course that Pissed Me off more, BUT I figured why pick a fight with 2 piece of shit Pions its the Boss I wanted to talk to.

I then spent 2 fucking Hours on the goddamn phone with My Internet Provider check EVERY FUCKING SINGLE THING until the First Customer Service Tech had to transfer Me to an Advanced Technician. I did another round of Diagnostic tests and Shit, but the Advanced Guy couldn’t fix anything though He really was trying like a motherfucker to Help God Bless Him. I told Him a Work Crew fucked up the Exterior Transmitter, and I wanted to do all this torturously mind bending bullshit to Prove it in case it was disputed by Tripp. The Next Day a Technician came out and INSTANTLY verified I was Correct that the Transmitter Deal had been smacked way out of whack. The Tech did what He had to and fixed the Problem in timely and Professional Manner. Luckily We have a Maintenance Plan so We avoided the $125 Service Call Charge so at least that was fucking cool.

By the time I calmed down it was the Next Day and first thing I did that Morning was call Tripp who Didn’t pick Up. I waited several hors and tried calling again and again Tripp didn’t answer. Finally I gave up trying to get Tripp’s useless ass on the fucking phone, and left a voicemail. The voicemail was civil as Hell I didn’t yell, Scream, curse, Insult or Threaten Tripp in anyway which is My Modus Operandi. I was told to give Tripp the benefit of the doubt because He could very well just be Busy and that I should give it one more Day. Against My best Judgment I agreed to Hang Back for a little while Longer.

Needless to say come the following Day the same shit happens I call and Tripp (who I now assume is ducking My phone calls) doesn’t answer His fucking Phone like a Real fucking Unprofessional and Immature fucking Asshole. By 4:30 as Popeye would Say “I’ve had all I can Stands and I can Stands NO MORE!” and this Time around I left a Second Message. This time I let Tripp know exactly how the fuck I felt. I first informed Tripp that through all of His Childish, Immature, and Unprofessional handling of the Entire fucking Situation that I wasn’t even making it about Money. I never once mentioned the fact that it would Cost Me fucking Money to fix His work Clowns fuck up. It had always been about how the Situation was handled that chapped my ass like nothing else. Thats not to fucking much to fucking ask is it?! I Hire and pay some Asshole to do a fucking Job They should be Professional since it’s Their fucking Job.

I went on to say I didn’t see how it was fucking possible to Own your own fucking Company and act like such an Immature Asshole when accidents Happen. I said I’m well fucking aware that Shit Happens as do Accidents and if He had just admitted to the mistake, Owned up to It, and Apologized that would have been the fucking end of it. I summed up with reminding Him what a fucking Spineless Coward He had acted like, and that I obviously won’t be recommending Him to fucking anyone Myself. On top of that I also informed Tripp that I would be writing a Negative Review Anywhere and Everywhere I could on Line and on Social Media.

And with That that was That.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Deviant Detective #6: Dark Web Desire

Revenge was a Concept that Rock was more than Familiar with as Rock had sought Plenty of Revenge in His Life thats for sure. Thats How Rock got into the Detective Game to begin with in Fact. Rock had always had a Special Affinity for UnderDogs of all Kinds His entire Life starting with Defending Fellow Classmates from Bullies when He was growing Up. In Adulthood Rock had felt the need to Protect People from the Bullies that had grown up to The Predators Preying on Innocent Civilians. People fucking over Other People Never sat right with Rock. Rock also harbored an Intense Hatred for all the Things He perceived to be Unjust in the World, and had No Problem resorting to Violence to Achieve His Goal No Matter What.

Rock also possessed a Volatile mix of Impulse Control and Anger Management Issues had made Rock’s Employment Record was Sporadic as Rock jumped from Job to Job. Rock would get a Job until He was either Fired for Acting Out in some Fashion, or He got board and Simple Up and Quit. Thus Rock’s inability to Hold Down a Job along with prolonged periods of Time between said Jobs made Him a less than desirable Job Applicant. The Time in-between were a Pause in what Rock considered long and extensive succession of shitty Jobs He had the displeasure of Doing just to Pay the Bills.

Rock had Never seen the Point in having a Job if You weren’t Your own Boss since Bosses tended to be Domineering Dicks or Greedy Ego Driven Assholes. The sum total of these Personal Components that Made Up Rock’s Personality had virtually Drawn Him to Detective work. He got to be His Own Boss so No Cowing Down to a Douchbag Office Dictator, He wasn’t physically constrained by being Trapped in a Mundane Office Building Manning one of Hundreds of Crappy Cubicles. With Detective Work Rock also could Champion Underdogs, Persecute Predators, Beat Bad Guys Bloody, and Pretty much Behave as He saw Fit. Rock wanted to remain Free from the Shackles of Corporate Life serving the God’s of Capitalism making Them obscenely Wealthy while the Works Struggled to make Ends Meat.

“I understand Revenge is a wonderful Motivator there is truly Nothing like It,” replied Rock Dryly as He was only mildly interested in what Otto was Talking about, “The Problem is the more Money someone Steals the Harder it is to Find them. More Money equates to More Options since You can Buy Anything as Long as You have the Financial Backing to Pay the Bill.”

“Well then it’s Lucky I know where My Nefarious Business Partner is currently Operating His Shady Business Dealings from,” said Otto in a slow and steady tone,”That Alone is a rather Large Lead as it will make Tracking His Movements, Location, Business Dealings, and Known Associates that much Easier. If Knowledge is Power then Technology Provides the Tools to Obtain such Power.”

“Alright Buddy Time is Money and My Patience is Short so You can stop talking like some fucking James Bond Character,” sighed Rock growing exasperated by the Ordeal,”Get to the Goddamn Point if You Please.”

“Alright as You wish I have No issue with being Direct,” answered Otto politely, “My Unscrupulous Business Partner has set Up Shop on the Dark Web Running a Red Room called “Do Unto Others” which is gaining Popularity among the Users of the Dark Web.”

“I know the Basics,” said Rock who’s interest was beginning to perk up at this point, “You need the Thor also know as The Onion Software to Access the Dark Web. That and You need to protect Yourself if You venture onto the Dark Web since there Undesirables of all Kinds so You need to Hide Your IP Address and VPN. From there You can access Hidden Wiki to see what sites are out there Lurking in the Abyss of the Dark Web.”

“Not to Shabby but You’ll need someone with Far better Technical skills but I’m more than confident You can Locate such a Person considering Your Line of work You must Cross Paths with Dubious Characters of all Kinds.” said Otto being as Frank as Possible.

“If and I do mean if I take the Job it won’t be a Hunt it will be a Fishing Expedition,” Rock said matter of factly, “I don’t have the Time, Energy, Manpower, or Resources to Scour the Entirety of the Dark Web and it’s insanely easy to Hide in the Shadows. I’ll need to Set some Bait and Lure The Target out of whatever cyber hole He is Hiding and lead Him directly to Me. How the fuck did You even find Out Your ex-business partner was on the Dark Web to begin with I mean that in itself is rather Impressive since anonymity is the Key element because for the Users of the Dark Web Privacy is Number One Principle.”

“Thats an Excellent Question indeed,” the Otto said in a Complimentary tone, “It made the Most Sense since My Partner didn’t have the Foresight to Keep His devious Plans a Secret. What I mean by that is He frequently would talk about the Dark Web which I believed to be a Sinister Obsession with Him. He was particularly fond of discussing how if He in fact committed a Major Financial Crime how He would Utilize the Dark Web to Help Him get away consequence Free.”

“Well it makes sense now that You mention it. He could instantly Hide the Money by converting it into the Crypto Currency Bitcoin thus erasing any way of Tracking the Cash through the Banking System, He wouldn’t have to pay the fee to Launder it, Theres No Way to track the Bills through Their Serial Numbers, and there No Banks to worry about poking around in Your Business.” commented Rock having become very Intrigued by this Possible up coming Case, “No to mention the Dark Web is ground goddamn Zero for Buying Fake Passports, ID Cards, Birth Certificates, and Driver’s Licenses basically if You can Counterfeit it You can Buy it on the Dark Web. One stop shopping for The Criminal Element. Also Operating on the Dark Web means all You need is a Computer and Your good to go it allows You to Stay hidden in a chosen Location without having to Risk the Exposure of Traveling in the Real World. Lastly like I said Anonymity on the Dark Web is the Most Important thing to It’s Users so No One will come nosing around asking questions or anything like that.”

“So there is No reason for Me to Explain as Your intelligent Man and have figured it out for Yourself which is one of the Reasons I wanted to Hire You in particular was for Your Deductive Reasoning.” stated Otto with an air of Satisfaction.

“The Only question I have left is How did You find out about Your Ex Partner had set up a Red Room,” asked Rock with Genuine Curiosity, “I’m additionally curious since I was under the impression that Red Rooms were just an Internet Urban Legend just another helping of Creepy Pasta and all that foolish shit.”

“I assure You Detective Red Rooms are Very Real,” answered Otto Ominously, “Very Real Indeed.”

STAY TUNED for the Next Installment of………

THE DEVIANT DETECTIVE #7 COMING SOON!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (55/365)

The Bus Pulled up and came to an Abrupt Stop the Breaks Screeching like a Robotic Banshee, and the Smell of Exhaust was Overwhelming. Slowly and Uniformly Lee, Dizzy, and the Few Others at the Bus Stop got to They’re feet and shuffled Their Feet as They made They’re was towards Front Door of the Bus. As They approached everyone awkwardly funneled Themselves into a Single File line in order to Board the Bus. Dizzy went ahead of Lee and pumped a hefty handful of Change into Bus’s Ticket Toll Machine before making His way into the Belly of The Beast. Lee followed closely as He still had no Earthly Idea what the fuck to Expect.

Dizzy was Shuffling Heal-Toe down the Center Isle of the Bus like an Decrepit Old Man. Dizzy was doing so to Help insure His Stability as the Alcohol was beinging to Overwhelm His Motor Functions a Alcohol apt to do. Finally to Lee’s relief Dizzy Stumbled and Lurched Forward half falling into a Seat Somewhere around the Middle of the Bus. Dizzy dropped into the Seat only to Pop back up immediately like a Cracked Out Jack-In-The-Box bullshit staring at Lee His eyes Glassy and Bloodshot.

“Hold Up a Second I should take the Isle seat just to be Safe,” said Dizzy Pausing Briefly to collect his Muddled Thoughts, “You never can tell with this kind of shit so best We be prepared for anything and fucking Everything.”

“Safety First.” replied Lee having not a clue what the fuck Dizzy was going on About and Wrote it off to Dizzy’s State of Drunkenness. All Lee wanted at this point was for this fucking Bus ride to be Over as fast as fucking possible, and to be relaxing in the Corner of the Crystal Diner with a Beer and a Burger. Lee didn’t think that was to much to ask considering how this Day had Started. Lee squeezed past Dizzy who did nothing to get out of Lee’s way and Plopped Down in the Window Seat.

The Bus motor Groaned and Growled as the Bus pulled away from the Curb and started down the Street. Lee sat for a while Sipping His Beer and Staring out the Bus Window at the Epidemic of Urban Sprawl that was constantly spreading outward devouring everything in its Path. Soon Lee though the Entire Land will be Swallowed by The Sprawl until all would be were Strip Malls, Massive Apartment (or Worse Condo) Complexes, Big Box Stores, Expansive Parking Lots, 6 Lane Roads, Trendy Grocery Stores, and Generic Family Restaurants and the Like. The Quiet Small Towns would be Destroyed by Asphalt Avalanches, Cascades of Concrete, and Saturated with Cement. Buildings Begetting Building Begetting Buildings in an Endless Capitalist Assembly Line from Horizon to Horizon as Far as the Eye can see in All Directions. It was fucking Revolting to Lee who felt seriously sickened by The Non Stop Demands of Humanity that were Laying waste to a Far Simpler and More Pleasant Time. It was Simply Society Recycling Itself.

Lee found looking out the Window was starting to fuck up the Solid Beer Buzz He had going on. Lee screwed the Cap back onto His 40 oz. and desperately began to peer around the Bus gaiting a Lay of the Land as it were. The Bus wasn’t packed but there was a Fare Number of People riding the Bus none the Less. Lee first spotted a Young Generic Looking Business Man sitting a few rows in front of Him on the opposite side of the Bus. The Young Businessman Sat Rigidly the Perfect Picture of Posture which gave of an Anxious Vibe.

The Businessman Looked to be in His Late Twenties to Early Thirties and was wearing a nondescript Slate Gray Suit, White Dress Shirt, Plain Dark Red Tie, and a Decent Pair of Dress Shoes. Everything about the Businessman was Immaculate, His suit was an exact fit without a Wrinkle or stray piece of Lint or Animal Hair on it. His Shoes were in Excellent condition and were so Polished They could have passed for New, But Lee had seen the Soles of the Man’s Shoes which were Worn from a good bit of Walking. The Man Sat with a Brown Leather Looking Brief Case laying across His lap with His Hands Folded politely on Top of it. The Man had Short Black Hair that He had Slicked straight Back using a fare amount Product which mad Him look like a Wall Street Stock Broker from the 1980’s. Lee couldn’t Help but Notice that though the Businessman Sat a still as a fucking statue His eyes were Frantically Dart around the Bus as if We was keeping Tabs on Every Other Passenger, and He was beginning to Sweat Slightly while He sat Utterly Still in Silance.

Lee turned to face Dizzy who was staring to the point of Glaring at Something or Someone while taking long drawls off of His 40 like a Psychopath which was fitting considering they were on the Bus. Lee followed suit, uncapped His Beer, took several Prolonged Sips, and as He went to put the cap back on His Beer He Dropped it by Accident. Lee sat Forward as He went to Retrieve His lost Cap from where it Fell Dizzy grabbed His arm forcefully.

“DO NOT PICK THAT UP. The Cap touched the Bus Floor and there’s NO fucking 5 second anything on a Bus so That Cap is Contaminated as a $2 Crackwhore on Payday,” Snarled Dizzy not taking His Eyes off of whatever He was looking at, “Besides there’s no Antibiotics or anything else that could combat the Toxic Crap found on Bus floors, I mean Really their Pissed on, Puked On, Bled On, Spit On, Jizzed, and Shellacked in Shit for starters. Not to mention all the fucking Filth and Goddamn Grime that People track the fuck on the Bus via Their shitty Shoes. You want to Die, pick up that cap and Use it if Not leave the fucking thing were it lies.”

“Alright I’ll leave it obviously.” replied Lee annoyed at Dizzy’s perceived Over reaction to the Situation. Lee Sat back in His Seat and Signed before deciding to see what if anything the Young Businessman was up too. Lee Looked up just in time to See the Young Businessman slyly slip His right hand under his Briefcase, pull out a Syringe filled with a Very Dark Drown Fluid, Tilt His head to One Side, Vigorously rub His Neck, and Inject the Contents of the Syringe Via His Jugular Vein. Shocked as Shit Lee smacked Dizzy to get His Attention since Lee couldn’t fathom what the fuck He had just witnessed.

STAY TUNED for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (56/365) COMING SOON!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:26am)

Another Day at The Cock’n Balls Bar and Pawn: Afternoon

Once the Hubbub from the Morning’s Pickled Toe Incident Owner Bud Wiser went back to lazily wiping down the Bar as His wicked Smokers Cough was getting the Better of Him. Bud Coughed, Wheezed, and Repeatedly Cleared His Throat while muttering about whatever was Annoying Him at the Time. Bud took a moment to Scan the Bar since there wasn’t anyone in the Pawnshop since it was Friday aka PayDay so the Need for People to Pawn their Possessions was greatly Diminished. As Bud Surveyed the Bar the Dust that Hung in the Air Mingling with the Smoke of Countless Cigarettes reminded Him of Sea Monkeys though He had No Idea Why.

Shitty Nickels was sitting in the Corner Strumming a Old Guitar that was Beat to Hell that He had found in the Trash Last Week. Shitty had been joined by His Dear Friends and fellow Musician Sexx Fuckin who was considered by Those in the Know as the Best Slide Guitarist Both Sides of the Mississippi. The Gruesome Twosome were Swapping Stories and Reminiscing about Days Long Gone By over some Seriously Strong Singapore Slings.

Mikey Drongo the Leader of a Near By Chop Shop was still sitting at the Bar sipping Beer and Downing Shots like there was No Tomorrow. Bud figured that Drinking like there was No Tomorrow made Perfect Sense considering Mickey’s Line Of Work. Considering He was in Fact a Criminal (regardless of How Nice a Guy He actually was). And Being a Criminal Meant Mickey could easily be Killed by Rivals or Locked Up in a Tiny Cell for the Rest of His Life. Both were Valid Reasons to Drink in Bud’s Mind.

Harry Twatter the Neighborhood’s Degenerate Gambler had taken off as soon as the Pickled Toe bet was Settled opting to Spend His Day down at the Dog Track. Harry would spend His Day Tossing Cups of Beer, Tearing Up Losing Tickets, and Having His Wallet Emptied as He Dreamed of Getting Rich Quick Schemes into between Races. After a Good 8-9 Hours at the Track Harry would show Up at The Cock’n Balls convinced He had come up with a Winning System based on His Mistakes from that Day.

Harry would inevitably end up Pawning God Knew What to Secure His Gambling Money for the Next Day’s Venture be it at The Track, Backroom Poker Games, or Illegal Casinos. Harry had always been a Truly Tragic Hero who Dreamed of Scoring a Small Fortune (through any means Possible outside of a Legitimate Job) and was Going Broke all the While.

Bawbag Cockwomble had Shuffled Off soon after winning the Pickled Toe Bet and claiming His prize of One Pickled Egg. Bawbag spent His Days Panhandling as He wondered The Streets until Sundown collecting that Night’s Drinking Money. Bawbag called it a Day at Sundown since walking up to a Car looking Filthy and Disheveled in the Dark with Your hand Outstretched was Likely to get You Killed. Bawbag made a pretty fucking Penny Panhandling have No Doubt about since Bawbag knew how to Play the “Spare Change” Game.

Bawbag had found a particularly Busy Intersection that was CONSTANTLY Jammed up with Commuters All Day Long as Opposed to just Rush Hour. Bawbag had learned the subtle art of Looking Pathetically Submissive enough to Get a Donation without looking Desperate. Bawbag knew Desperate People can be Extremely Unpredictable, and that makes Them Intimidating to the General Public which greatly Diminishes Daily Profits.

Pissy Wristy and Her Petty Drug Dealing Boyfriend Jimmy Tosser with the Lofty Ambition of Becoming a Full Blown Pimp had adjured to the Bathroom for a Quickie. Bud Waited a Receptive amount of Time before He went into the Bathroom and Evicted the Copulating Couple back to the Bar. Once The Disheveled Twosome had exited the Bathroom Pissy passed the fuck out from the Previous Nights Drinking, Drugging, and Fucking and Jimmy sat staring at His phone like an Intoxicated Caveman.

Dickey Dullard the Romantic and Animate Junkie had just recently Shot Up a Heavy Dose of Dope, and was attempting to Play Pool. Unfortunately Dickey was so High He just stood at the End of the Pool Table struggling to keep His fucking Eyes Open swaying unsteadily on His Feet. For all intents and Purposes looked Dickey looked so Comatose that Bud half expected Dickey to Suddenly Sink Unconscious to the Floor Collapsing into a Pitiful Heap.

Just Then “Bloody” Sod Bollocks burst through the Front Door with a Great Deal of Force sending the Door slamming against the Ball. Sod had entered this way since the First Time He entered the Bar 8 years ago, and as a Result from the Door Knob colliding violently with the Wall the Knob had Left a Deep Circular Indent at the Point of Impact. Sob strode over to the Bar and Hopped gingerly onto a Bar Stool and snatched up one of the Bowls of Peanuts from its Resting Place. Sod snatched up the Peanuts for the Sole Purpose of Throwing them at Dickey in an attempt to illicit a Response. For His part Dickey remained completely Oblivious to the Legume Assault being Launched at Him.

Sod quickly grew tired of Pelting Dickey with Peanuts and turned around to face the Bar. The Funny thing about Sod was He considered Himself an Intellectual, Yet Sod was also Self Admittedly Uneducated. Sod had dropped out of School after the 8th grade to go Work in a Haggis Manufacturing Plant. He had figured School was shit and Work was shit as Well, BUT at least Work Paid, and that was good enough for Sod. So with that He said So Long to School and Hello to the Blue Collar Factory Workforce. By the Age of 16 Sod had Left the Work Force since He didn’t Appreciate His Boss telling Him What to Do all damn Day.

With Little to No Prospects Sod gravitated to the Illegal World of Bare Knuckle Boxing where He earned the Moniker “Bloody” since thats the Condition His defeated Opponents Left the Ring in. Sod had made His way up through the Ranks and even had been the Reigning Bare Knuckle Boxing Champion for a Short While. Sadly for Sod He was forced to Vacate the Title when He immigrated to the United States to avoid a rather serious Legal Problem. Sod’s Legal Problem was while He was attending a Soccer Match to Cheer on His Team the Manchester United on to Victory. At some point during the Game Sod got Himself into an Altercation with a Drunken Soccer Hooligan. The Incident Ended with Sod Punching the Drunk Hooligan Dead in the Face so fucking Hard it Ironically Killed the Drunk Bastard Who Died where He Fell.

Sod stained at the Graffiti that Patrons had Carved into the Antique Oak Bar over its Many Years in Service. Again it didn’t take but mere moments before Sod became Board and Fidgety as He wasn’t a Very Proficient Reader, and was begging to Wonder why He been in a Bar for 10 minutes and Didn’t have a Beer in His hand as of Yet. Annoyed Sod peered through the Gloom of the Low Lighting until He saw Bud over in the Pawnshop messing around with a stubborn Display Case.

This made Sod Irate as fuck since He never saw the Point in converting Half of a perfect Decent Neighborhood Old Man Bar into a Pawnshop of all fucking things. Gambling Machines Now thats where the fucking Money was at so if Bud wanted to increase His Profits He should invest in a few Video Gambling Machines thats how it should have been Done in Sod’s opinionated Opinion. Everyone fucking Knows No One spends Money quite like a Drunken Gambler mused Sod to himself Las fucking Vegas was Built on that Principle Alone.

Sod waved His hand back and forth perturbed by Bud’s lack of Acknowledgement so He decided He’d call Out to Bud to get His attention. Also being the Dick that He was would use Buddy in place of Bud. Sod knew this Presumably Minor Indiscretion would Piss Bud off in a Big fucking Way because Bud had an extreme aversion to being called Buddy. No one knew why this was such a sensitive issue for Bud and judging by His reaction when it did happen No One was about to Ask.

“HEY BUDDY what the fuck Do I have to do to get a Fucking Beer around Here I’m about Dead of Dehydration for fucks sake!” bellowed Sod boorishly as He was apt to do.

Bud had been bent over a Display case tinkering with the Cantankerous lock due to it Being a Bit Rusted when He Heard Sod from across the Room. Bud snapped to Attention standing rigidly as if He was using every fiber of His being to Restrain Himself from running over and punching Sod in the fucking Throat. Bud’s eyes narrowed to the point One couldn’t tell if they were even Open as the Corners of His mouth sagged in Disapproval and Distain. Bud walked out from behind the display case in a Creepily Slow manner Reenforcing the feeling that He was straining with all His might to keep from going Completely Apeshit all over the place. As Bud walked with Purpose towards Sod He had His Shoulders back, and His Fists Clenched so Tight His Knuckles where turning White.

Stay Tuned for Another Installment of………

Another Day at The Cock’n Balls:Evening

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

FYB’s Short Horror Movie Showcase: THE SMILING MAN & DON’T MOVE

Welcome to another Installment in the FYB Short Horror Movie Showcase featuring THE SMILING MAN and DON’T MOVE!!!

THE SMILING MAN By A.J. Briones in Association with ALTER (a Company that Traffics in Short Horror Movies) is a SINISTER little Endeavor. In The Smiling Man an Innocent Young Girl watching Cartoons starts to Follow a Trail of Balloons throughout Her House. At the End of the Trail the Little Girl comes FACE TO FACE WITH PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL!! The Smiling Man’s has an Overall “The Devil’s come for Your Daughter” Tone makes it Even more Unnerving. It lends itself to the You feeling You’re watching a Powerful and Vicious Predator Luring its unsuspecting Prey into Striking Distance.

What We particularly Enjoy about The Smiling Man is it reminds Us a Great Deal of Asian Horror. Asian Horror for the Most Part Deals in Disturbingly Demented Psychological Creepiness as Opposed to an All Out Gorefest. It’s a Truly Unique Stylistic Form of Creepy that irks You to the Bone. The Smiling Man is the Kind of Creepy “Cat in Mouse” Horror Movie that leaves You feeling Uneasy, and it tends to Linger Hauntingly in Your Mind for Days after Watching. Enjoy.

DON’T MOVE By Bloody Cuts and Directed by Anthony Melton is a Throw Back to the Devious Demon Centric Horror Movie Classics from the 80’s Ouija Board and All. One of the Impressive Facts about Don’t Move is though it was made on a Very Small Budget the Movie yields High Production Value Effects and That’s No Exaggeration We Assure You. The Other Amazing thing about the Film is the Acting is Exceptionably Good. Since Acting Terrified is One of those Things that People think is Easy When that couldn’t be Farther from the Truth the Actors really Bring it Home.

The Other Aspect of Don’t Move that We particularly got a Real Kick Out Of was if Don’t Move was a Roller Coaster it Starts with/on that First Massive Plunge Down sending You straight into the Heart of the Action. From the BLOOD SPLATTERED Opening Scene Don’t Move’s Backstory has Been Told, The Deed is Done, and The Demon has Come So DON’T MOVE!

We Hope You Enjoyed Coming Eye to Eye with The Vilest Evils as Much as We Did.

Presented By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (54 /365)

The intoxicated twosome reached the Deli Door and Dizzy opted to be the One who went in to get the Change They needed for the upcoming Bus Venture. A Couple of Minutes Later Dizzy emerged from the Deli with a Pocket full of Silver and two 40 Ounces of Natty Ice.

“What the fuck are the 40s for?!” asked Lee some what baffled by the Alcohol He had already ingested thus far.

“There for US to Drink on the Bus because fucking trust Me You DO NOT want to be fucking Sober when Your on the Bus,” responded Dizzy matter of factly much like a Museum Tour Guide, “The shit Your about to See, Smell and Touch is much more bearable if You have Beer to back You Up.”

The Two continued words the Bus Stop in Silence as Lee wondered if the Public Transportation System seriously suck as Bad as Dizzy claimed it was?! Slowly Lee’s mind began to Spiral Out of Control with Increasingly Horrible Mental Images of the Possible Horrors that awaited Him on the Dastardly Bus. Paranoia began to set in Dominating Lee’s Emotions as Lee strained to keep Himself from having a fucking Full Blown Panic Attack. The Growing feeling of Dread started welling up inside of Lee as He suddenly found Himself beginning to Question Everything He had done that Day. The Rapid Secession of Thoughts which only lead Lee to feel even more Completely Overwhelmed.

Why did He walk into that fucking Theater only to Witness the World’s most Perturbing Performance Art Ever created? Why did He talk to Dizzy in the First Place None the Less decide to Hang Out with Him?! Lee felt trapped as if He had been backed into a corner with No Way to Escape. Life was fucking with Lee he thought to Himself and fucking with Him Hard. This Train of Toxic Thought was Aiding in Lee’s attempt to subdue His Acute Anxiety. Lee desperate but Determined blocked everything out and focused solely on His Breathing. As The Two approached the Bus Stop Lee was still fighting to Maintain to a Good Degree.

They sat down side by side on the Small incredibly uncomfortable Plastic Bench that had these pathetic Alleged Arm Rests that were there to Provide a sort of ‘Personal Space” Barrier between Strangers waiting for the Bus. In Reality The “Arm Rest/ Dividers” were a recent addition by the Department of Transportation simply so Homeless People Couldn’t/Wouldn’t Sleep on them as The General Public found such behavior Distasteful. Thats Humanity for You it occurred to Lee instead of Helping the Homeless Society decides to go with the Basic “Out f Sight, Out of Mind” Principle, and thus Persecute the Homeless in Lou of Help. God People are Shitty.

“Your gonna want to get about a Third of that Beer in You before We board the Bus,” said Dizzy staring vacantly into Space, “That way You can Fortify Your Buzz in Preparation for the World of Shit that is the Bus. Seriously it’s its Own fucked up Self Contained Ecosystem and shit. There People Riding on the Bus that I swear to God You’ll NEVER see fucking Elsewhere. They’re the Galapagos Tortoises of the Human fucking Race.”

It was Just Then that Lee looked up from His Beer to See the Bus pulling Up to Their Stop.

Stay Tuned for the Next Physics Defying Installment of………

LEE JONHITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (55/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober