Category: Fiction

Does Art Imitate Life?!

Beware of The Extended Warranty Scam (And A World’s Worst Scammer Award Nominee)

There is a Saying that Goes “You know how Once in a While You come across Someone You SHOULDN’T fuck with? That Person is ME.”

Just like Many of You out there I get My fair share of Scummy Phone Scammers calling Me for Time to Time. I’ve heard them ALL the SCAMS the IRS, Government Grant, Merriot Vacation, Tech Support, Tech Service Refund (there are Several Refund Scams), The Accidental Transferring of Money into My Bank Account that I’m told I need to “Repay”, and Now the Extended Warranty Scam.

This is by Far the Stupidest Scam conducted by The World’s Shittiest Scammer I have yet to Encounter. To say They were Amateur would be the fucking Understatement of the Century to say the Least. This Scammer was so Shitty it sounded as if this was Their First Day Scamming, and The Scam Itself was full of Holes. This wasn’t so much a Scam as it was a PATHETIC JOKE.

When this Warranty Scammer called Me I had a Free Minute and rather Bored (that combined with My UTTER CONTEMPT and HATE for Scammer Scumfucks, and Love of Several Youtube Scam Baiters) I figured why Not take a moment to fuck this Scammer’s Day Up as Much as Possible.

Here is the Conversation Virtually Verbatim Along with My Notations. Enjoy.

*My Phone Rings, I look at the Number and Realize its more likely than Not a Scam because if I know You then Your name or Company Name comes up on the Caller ID Deal. I decide to Answer Anyway.*

Les: “Hello?!”

Robo Call Automated Message: “Your Car Warranty has expired or is expiring soon. If You’re interested in the Purchase Extended Warranty Coverage Press 1, If You’re are Not Interested Press 2 to be put on Our Do Not Call List.”

*First off NEVER fall for the Do Not Call List Option as in this Case it COMPLETE BULLSHIT. Your number will simply be Recycled through Their Auto Dialing System. This message sounded like it was slapped together in a 3 Minute editing Session. The Voice was from Outdated Messages that Sounds like/Enunciates like a fucking Robot/Speak and Spell.

The Sentences were short and choppy it was obviously a compilation of sorts constructed out of Several Older Automated Messages (just like Dr. Frankenstein pieced His Monster together Haphazardly). It was Sloppy and Shady as all get Out.

Since I had the Time and needed something to Entertain Myself with I pressed 2. The Other Tip Off it was a Scam was the Interim Hold Music went Bum-De Bum- Bum on a Loop which is a CLASSIC Scammer Give Away.

Scammer: Hello?

Les: “Hello what can I do for You Today?”

*”Step into My Web” said the Spider to the Fly.*

Scammer: “Hi Yes We were calling You today because according to the Information We received You Car Warranty is Almost Expired and You will no longer have the Security a Warranty Provides. Would You like to Buy Extended Warranty coverage?”

*She never gave Me a Name Not even a Blatantly Fake one. She also Never Addressed Me by Name or as Mr. Sober, and Lastly She NEVER said WHAT COMPANY She was calling For/On behalf of. This Vagueness with Lack of ANY Pertinent Information is Also a DEAD GIVE AWAY. A lot of the Time these Sacks of Shit are simply Cold Calling People at Random, and Lack Any and All Vital Standard Details/Information.*

Les: “Warranties are useful its good to have Insurance so to Speak, Safety First is what I Say.”

Scammer” “Ok Good. We have a Few Different Options…..”

*I cut Her Off*

Les: “What do I Drive?”

*The Easiest Question I could Ask.*

Scammer:” What?”

Les: “WHAT do I DRIVE?!”

*If They in fact Knew My Warranty was Up then They would know the Basic details such as Make, Model, and Year of My Car. Obviously these Details are Needed for Verification Purposes. Without these Basic Details People could claim Any Car Old, New or Someone Else’s was the One Under Warranty thus causing the Issuing Company to Go Bankrupt faster than a Ferret Fart.*

Scammer: “I get My information from our Main Offices’s Official Head Quarters.”

*This wasn’t the Question I asked. I asked what Do I Drive, NOT where do you get Your Information From. Classic Scammer Avoidance Tactic. Also The Fake Companies, Departments, Agencies sound good until You stop for a fucking Split Second, and Realize that The Name makes No Sense whatsoever since its obviously Made Up. *

Les: “So Your Boss at Head Quarters knows My Warranty is about to Expire for My Car, But Has NO IDEA what I Drive? Thats rather Odd sounding.”

Scammer:”The Information We receive is……”

*Again I cut Her off*

Les: “I’m beginning to wonder if this call is Legitimate.”

*Statement like the One above make Scammers Nervous since what They are doing is COMPLETELY ILLEGAL. The fucking Irony is How fucking Defensive these Shitfuckers get When You call them out on Their bullshit Scam. It more than likely has to do with People being made More Aware, Educated, and Conscious of/on the Different Types of Scams (which is Generally Extremely Easy To Do. Example THE IRS DOESN’T TAKE GIFT CARDS AS PAYMENT.), and with the Popularity of Scam Baiters on Youtube increases the Exposure of the Scammer’s current Scams. Its all Very Bad for Their “Business”*

Scammer: “Sir, Sir What are You Talking About? What do You Mean?”

Les: “You call Me selling Warranty Coverage for My Car, BUT you have ZERO Details and Haven’t answered My Question which is Shady as Shady Gets You ask Me.”

Scammer: “Sir You have to Understand I’m in a Call Center, sitting in My Cubical I don’t have Access to such Information.”

*Chances are in Fact these Scammers where sitting around somewhere Using Their fucking Laptops which is Far more common these Days. 95% of the Call Center or Office Background Noise You Typically hear is a Generic Recording that They Play in the Back round in an Attempt to appear more Official. Being able to Operate Outside of the Traditional Call Center reduces the Risk of Being Caught in a Police Raid as Well which is convenient if You’re a Sleazy Scammer Scumbag. I didn’t want to Scare Her off since I still had some time to Kill so I glazed over My Last Statement like I never said it to begin with.*

Les: “So which Vehicle of Mine has a Warranty thats about to Expire? I have My Car, I bought My Wife’s Car, I bought My Kids Cars when They got Their Driver’s License, and I have Several Work Trucks because I own My Own Construction Business. So Which One Do I need an to Buy Extended Coverage For because as I said Safety First so Best to have a Warranty before Your Car Breaks down, and You have to Pay out of Pocket.”

*Yes this is a Longer rephrasing of My original Question being “What DO I Drive.*

Scammer: “Your Primary Vehicle.”

*Now she meant My Car, BUT I told Her I have My Own Company so How does She know My Work Truck is in fact My Primary Vehicle (Primary Vehicle equates to The Car You Drive the Most. Also that Entire Statement is FALSE, I Bought My Car, My Wife Bought Hers, We don’t have Kids more or Less Driving Age, and No I do NOT Own My Own Construction Company.*

Les: “My Primary Vehicle You Say? Thats Strange.”

Scammer: “Sir Warranties are for a Limited Time Period after that the Coverage You have with it Expires, and You have to by Extended Warranty to sure You remain covered in case something goes wrong with Your Vehicle.”

*So She just gave Me the Definition of a Vehicle Warranty and How it Works which is Ridiculous Since She supposed to Be Selling Me Extended Coverage for an Almost Expired Warranty, BUT doesn’t seem to Think I have a fucking Clue What a Warranty is or How it Works.*

Les: “SO My Warranty is on the verge of Expiring for My Primary Vehicle and You can Sell Me Extended Coverage is that Right?”

Scammer: “Yes Sir You are Correct.”

Les: “Well That doesn’t make Sense to Me, It’s all Very Strange as Far as I’m Concerned.”

*Now She’s afraid She is going to Lose Her Scam Target, and Ramps Up the Sales Pitch.*

Scammer: “There is nothing Strange Sir, this is How Car Warranties Work You see, When Your Current Warranty runs out You need to purchase Additional Coverage, and Thats what My Company Does.”

*Again Notice She Never Identified WHAT COMPANY it is She supposedly is working for.*

Les: “Well Alright Then I just have One Question for You.”

Scammer: “Yes Sir what is the Question You want to ask Me?”

Les: “If I Bought My Car from a Private Seller, NOT a Dealership, and The Car was 8 years Old and change when I acquired it if there had been a Warranty it ran out long before I got there. So if I NEVER had a Warranty in the first fucking Place then How the Hell is it Going to Expire?! Not to mention the Vehicle is so Old at this Point NO ONE in Their right Mind would even Entertain the Idea of Offering Me an Extended Warranty. So.”

Scammer:”Sir the Information I was given…..”

*Yep I cut Her off Again.*

Les: “You know what I think?! I think this is a SCAM and Your a Shitty Scammer thing to Sell Me a FAKE Extended Warranty for My Car, and all You’d do is Disappear with My fucking Money since there OBVIOUSLY is NO ACTUAL EXTENDED WARRANTY. This is a Pathetic Bullshit Scam thats All.”

Scammer:”SIR We are Not a Scam, We are a Legitimate Company dealing with Extended Vehicle Warranty Coverage. I don’t know how or why You think this is a Scam when its Not a Scam at All.”

*This is the Classic Defensive Denial I was talking about earlier on in this Post. OF COURSE if You’re a Piece of Shit Scammer You’re Not going to Admit it I mean thats just Painfully Obvious. *

Les:” Well I’m going to Report You, and Post Your Number all Over Social Media Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter You name it. I am also going to Post Your number and the Details of this Scam in the Online Anti-Scam/Anti-Scammer Consumer Sites as well as Post it On YouTube for all the Scam Baiters out There. Then We will see if You’re a Lying sack of Scammer Shit or Not Right?!”

Scammer: !Immediately Hung Up! Again She was afraid of Being Exposed as an Illegal Fraudulent Scammer Shithead.

After I Posted and Reported this Scammers Scam it was confirmed beyond a Reason of Doubt A COMPLETE SCAM. Scammers are trying hard as Hell to Scam anyone left that They can because Public Awareness/Education combined with Advancements in Law Enforcement Technologies is making Increasingly hard for these Shit Sacks to Keep Their Scams Going.

REPORT ALL SCAM PHONE CALLS so More People will become Aware of the Scam, and Can/Will Protect Themselves from these Peckerheaded Parasitic Scammers. You can Google How to Report a Scam and Who to Report it, There is simply TOO MUCH contact Info for Me to Post Here. FUCK SCAMMERS FUCK’EM ALL.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

    

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

    

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Shane then scrawled His signature on the Credit Card Receipt, Said thanks for the Cool Question, Turned just in time to see Glen stick His head in the Door and Peer around disapprovingly, and double timed to towards the Door.

Lee had almost all the information He wanted, but He had to try and get Shane to Answer one lats Question before departing. “Why did Lester Lie to the Town Council telling Them that You Guys were making a Low Budget Horror Movie?”

   

“I thought a smart Fan like Yourself would have already figured that out.” Shane answer honestly surprised by the Question. Shane looked down at His feet for a minute before providing Lee with His answer. “It was because if You think the fucking Shop Onner’s were fucking pissed about it Imagine if Lester HAD told them the Truth about shooting a Indie Horror Flick? They would have Denied the Permits like a motherfucker, and We still would have Filmed the Scene, but We also would have been subject to the Legal Repercussions. The way Lester did it We had the Proper Permits to Film even though Lester Lied about What kind of Movie We were making it wasn’t technically illegal. It was just a dick Move Ya know.”

With that Shane exited and started His return to Work. Lee sat for a few minutes mulling over the conversation he had just had, and found it quite satisfying. Lee spent the next few hours surfing the Internet Googling the fuck out of whatever entered His Mind at that moment.

   

Lee spent the majority of His time wandering around the Internet reading up on the History of Cannibalism in Fiji. The most interesting documentation Lee came across was the Testimonials of various Christian Missionaries who had traveled to Fiji in the Hope of Converting the Natives. Now yes some where in fact Killed and Eaten over the Year of Active Cannibalism in Fiji.

Now Life in Historical Fiji was Brutal even for Those Missionaries that were luck enough to not be Murder and subsequently Consumed by the Native Tribes of Fiji was no fucking Picnic that was for sure. The Natives had a habit of Harassing the Hell out of the Missionaries. They frequently tossed Severed Heads or Limbs or Freshly Stripped Human Bones over the Walls on the Monitories littering the lawn with Their Human Leftovers.

     

Even more Outrageous were the Written Accounts of The Missionaries about the Rival Native Tribes returning from Battle with Prisoners in tow. The Natives were exuberant not just drunk on the Victory in Battle, But that They also got to EAT THE PRISONERS.

Lee thought this was a wonderful example of Perspective. To the Outside World (for the most part there were other Countries that indulged in the Ritual of Cannibalism) Cannibalism was one of the Greatest Taboos, Yet for the Cultures that Practiced Cannibalism (or Necro Cannibalsim or the Eating of the Dead) it was Perfectly Acceptable, and really not that a big of a deal that They ate People, its just what the did. It’s what They were taught growing up. Teaching the Next Generation the Practice of Cannibalism was just like Scumbag Racist indoctrinating They’re Young with Their Hate.

   

Stay Tuned for Kids Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

“So what exactly was it about working on THE DISEMBOWELER that made it such a Unique experience?” asked Lee casually again making sure to trend lightly to avoid stepping on Shane’s toe’s as it were and Derailing the Conversation.

“In a word Excitement. Everyday of Filming the Atmosphere was Holy SHit I can’t wait to see what happens next Type Vibe, and that was all due to Lester’s exceptionally Unconventional way of making a Movie.” Shane said trailing off a bit towards the End as if He was Traveling Back in Time through His Memories. Shane paused to pay Lee before picking up where He left Off.

   

“While it the first Film I worked on I showed up on Set for the first day Filming in absolute Awe of it all. There I was a 21 year old Punk Kid who just Graduated Film School 2 months before landing the DISEMBOWELER gig. I couldn’t believe My luck this was a REAL Movie, a Feature Length, Professionally Shot Movie with a Cast and Crew You know all the shit the Tell You about when Your in Film School. And now it was materializing around Me and I could barely believe it like I said I was truly Awe Struck.” Shane said with what seemed to be growing enthusiasm,”What made it Exciting was learning Trick of the Trade You know the shit They Don’t tTeach in Film Schools. It was My very first experience with the Gorilla Style of Movie Making.

   

Lee’s curiosity was buzzing like a Industrial Bug Zapper. Lee loved hearing People’s Stories especially Life Stories as They always seemed much more interesting than anything else in Lee’s opinion. Lee dared not interrupt Shane’s flow with some useless comment like “Really” or “Wow thats Crazy” so Lee stood transfixed looking at Shane intently.

Shane placed both His hands on the glass counter top, stretched, and let out a prolonged sigh before Finishing His story. Lee was concerned for a second that Shane had grown tired of talking, and well He did need to get Back to the Set before much longer.

      

“My most vivid and favorite Memory from working on THE DISEMBOWELER was on the very last day of Shooting, and We had acquired the Permits needed to Film on the Main street of this Little Bumkin Town. Now Lester had told the Town Council that He was requesting the Permit so He could Film a Documentary on Local Artists or some bullshit like that. Well of course on the Last Day of Filming the Last science We needed to Shoot was the Legendary Rampage Scene. I’m sure a Fan like You is well aware that the Scene was where The Disembowler is running down the Street in a Homicidal Blood Fueled Psychosis. The Scene required 7 Victims to be dispatched by being Disemboweled during the Rampaging Massacre. Needless to say the Local Shop Owners took GREAT Acceptation to having a small group of Out of Town Movie Weirdo’s running amok Filming multiple Gory Blood Drenched Fake Deaths while using Actual Real Pig Intestines (as well as several Organs such a Liver and Kidneys which were purchased from Town Butcher.” said Shane before taking a moment to check His watch to see what time it was before wrapping the Story Up.

    

“So We are about half way through Filming the Scene When The PA alerts us to the sound of approaching Police Sirens. No One knew what the fuck to do other than to just say fuck it and keep Shooting no matter what. As the Cops get closer and closer the Crew started to loose Their focus being distracted by the Police Sirens, and possible repercussions for Lying to get The Permit for Filming. Lester grabs this Old Beat the hell up Bullhorn circa the 1970’s and just goes Apeshit Crazy. He starts screaming at The Camera man that He better not stop shooting before We were done filming the Scene, Hollering at the Actor’s to stay in fucking Character, and yelling at PA to get the everything ready because We’d be leaving in a hell of a hurry. We managed to finish Filming the Scene, and We all split up running every which way towards whatever Vehicle We were closest to while trying not to Drop equipment or break a fucking Ankle in the process. It was complete chaos, BUT luckily We sped back to the shitty Motel where We were all staying during the Filming, grabbed Our shit as fact as possible, and franticly got the fuck out of Dodge before The Towns Folk brought the Hammer Down.”

   

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

“Alright Lester told Me He’d text Me the exact specifics, but He wants us to Buy the Best medium range Dildo for now. Then on Our way back Lester wants Us to stop off at a Hardware Store and pick up some sort of Weather Proofing Spray. You know the kind Business Types use to Water Proof Their expensive Italian Leather Shoes and Shit.” reported Shane very matter of factly.

“Furthermore Lester said as for post Severing Scene Lester’s going to use a small Metal Bar to reconnect the 2 broken pieces. Next He’ll Super Glue the Broken pieces back together around the interior Metal Bar Support The all thats left is to Slap a Cock Ring over the repair, and then will be reusable in Lester’s next Outlandish Film.” Shane continued as Glen stared at Him Blank Faced and Motionless. Once Shane was finished relaying Lester’s instructions turned and walked out without saying another word.

    

Shane stood looking reminiscent of a Meerkat searching the Grass Lands for possible Predators as He watched in dismay as a Frustrated and Furious Glen marched to the Door, and threw it Open forcefully just in case Someone wasn’t aware that He was being an Angry Asshole. Shane then leaned over and grabbed one of the Dildos off the Rack, Glanced at it, and then Shrugged to Himself.

Lee’s observations so far were Shane was Voice of Reason or The Sensible Ying to Glen’s Emotionally Driven Combative Yang. It was Shane’s unofficial  job to stay Grounded and Rational when Glen flew off the hook in a Wild Whirlwind of  Extreme Emotions. This dynamic Lee found was more than common amongst the Members of Society.

     

Lee had decided that Opposites Do AND More Over MUST attract. One Person is The Calm to the significant Other’s Chaos which works as They 2 Personality Types nullify one another. When You put 2 identical Personalities together in one relationship it NEVER works, and is usually just one long clusterfuck from Beginning to End. People are just like fucking Magnets in Opposite Poles Connect to one another while if You try to connect 2 Magnets using Their SAME Poles They repell each other (The desired Connection is for all intensive purposes is Impossible.)

   

Shane approached the Check Out counter still trying to figure out if the particulate Dildo He was about to purchase for His Boss to use as in the (Castration & Masturbation with a Cheese Grater None The Less) Scenes His Gory  Splatter Movie was indeed the “Right” One for the Job.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

“Fine.Fine. I’m done there’s no dealing with You right now. I’m calling Lester and I’ll figure this out from the directly from the Director Himself.” said Shane indignantly before whipping out His Cell Phone with the speed of a Wild West Gunslinger.

Shane then left to Converse in Private in the Parking Lot. Glen now on His own loitered about wondering the Isle aimlessly talking shit under His Breath. It was blatantly obvious that Glen was Acting the Asshole Lee thought to Himself . Again it wasn’t hard to tell Glen was in the Shittiest of Moods it was Written all Over His Face in the form an seriously Sinister “Eat Shit” Scowl.

   

“Who the Hell buys all this Over Priced Perversion?!” inquired Glen in an Overly Demanding Tone to No One in particular as it seemed to be more of an actual Statement rather than an Honest Question.

“Everyone.” Lee quipped snidely as He was growing tired of Glen’s less than Stellar Asshole Attitude. Glen is Lee’s opinion was overthinking the living shit out of the Situation. Shane had the right fucking idea that when in Doubt (especially if Your job could possibly be on the Line) Suck It Up, say fuck it, and Go to the Source Itself.

   

“I don’t need Your two goddamn Cents worth You Cock Jockey.” Snarled Glen through His clenched Teeth looking Madder than ever.

Lee considered that comment was rather Homophobic Sounding, BUT He did get the reference to Him being a Porn Shop Employee. Lee also got a Laugh out of the Fact the Insult had a direct Correlation with Glen and Shane’s Purchase of a Dildo. At this point Lee opted begrudgingly to bite His tongue because there was no point arguing with an Asshole. Glen was Shane’s fucking problem let Him deal with the all of Glen’s pessimistic bullshittery.

   

Luckily for Lee it was then that Shane returned from His Parking Lot Conversation with Lester with His head hanging Low. Shane also seemed to now be in a real Rush it appeared to Lee since Shane was walking hurriedly in a very determined stride. He looked like a dejected Child to Lee like a mischievous Kid who just got Scolded for some Small Indiscretion.

” So I talked with Lester, well I talked while He was Yelling at Me like a motherfucker and a half.” lamented Shane before informing Glen that in spite of the in suing  Creative Chaos that was the making of a Lester Sane Movie He had managed to get an Answer.

“Thank fuck.” sighed Glen wearily,”What pray tell then is the Solution for Our Severed Schlong dilemma ?” Now that The Duo had a definitive answer this somehow stopped Glen’s Asshole Tirade in its tracks. Glen’s Hostile Attitude was suddenly replaced with an Exasperated Sarcasm as if He had run out of Shit Spewing Steam, and was finally Accepting the Situation.

   

Tune In Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (5/365)

Lee looked over to catch a quick First Glimpse of the in coming Customer. As it turned out it was in fact was Two Young Gentlemen that looked to be in Their late 20’s, and who were locked in a heated debate over something They both seemed very animate about. Lee sat back and began His observations. Lee had a good feeling about these Two Guys, and anticipated  some quality Entertainment to get the Day off to a running start.

The Two Young Men headed strait to the Dildo Isle where Their argument became much more amplified as Each became more and more Frustrated with the Other. Lee opened a Copy of Some trashy Adult Novel and pretended to read it feigning an aloof ambivalence. This was a common Tactic Lee used to hide the fact He was now Ease Dropping on Shoppers just like He was with these Two Young Men.

   

“Well We can fucking Narrow it Down by Illuminating all the ones that look as Fake, We need to stick to Realism because not even a Psychotic Cannibalistic Necrophiliac would have a Giant Purple Double Headed Cock So there You have it.” Said the Young Guy wearing a pair of Beat Up Sneakers, Old Worn Out Jeans, and a Faded well worn Misfits T-shirt as He relentlessly scanned the Dildo Display (back and forth from End to End) with an intense 1,000 Yard Stare.

“I know BUT look at the fucking prices They’re charging for Fake Rubber Dicks its fucking Really Ridiculous. All I’m saying is I hope these fucking things last just short of Forever for the Price People are Paying.” replied the Second Young Guy in the Camouflage Cargo Shorts, Napalm Death Concert T-shirt, and a pair of Knock Off Crocs.

   

“Look Shane I know money is always an issue with Lester, BUT He goddamn is well aware this will be an unforeseen additional cost. I mean He’s the fucking Director, and this isn’t His first Rodeo not by Far. Lester has been Making B-Horror and Low Budget Sci Fi Films for a Decade at least.” snapped The Guy in The Misfits T-shirt to His Associate who was apparently named Shane.

“I’m aware of the issue at hand Glen,” Shane stated calmly before continuing “Lester wants a Real looking though be it Fake Dick for the Film, and that He also is insanely anal about the Films Budget getting out of Hand. It’s a huge pain in the ass I agree, Yet Lester has a point in the fact that if We go too far over budget the Project gets shut down and shelved  in a  Filmography Warehouse or some other Bizarre shit.”

   

“Well anyway You look at it if Lester wants realism He’ll have to just bite the fucking bullet and kick out the Cash. I mean once again Lester has to be aware that this is a 1 possibly 2 scene prop and thats it. After one or two scenes it’ll be ruined I mean thoroughly thrashed.,” Glen Barked gruffly before launching into a full blow tirade, “The Point is there is the Scene where Eddie is Jacking Off with the aid of a fucking Cheese Grater so one side of the Prop is shot. Not to mention all the Fake Blood is going to be a serious Staining issue, and if We can’t find a way around said staining issue the Prop is totally fucked as soon as We cut. Then even if We pull off the scene avoiding further damaging the Prop that’s only until Linda’s Character Castrates Eddie’s Character. The Prop will literally be Cut in Half so its Not like this is a one time Purchase. This isn’t going to be Lester’s Go To Fake Dick for the rest of His Films because the facts are it’s a one Film 2 Scene Prop at Best.”

   

Tune in Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (4/365)

The last Porn Sho point Lee was mulling over in his head was along with everything else was that with Social Acceptability now Free from the Religious Righteousness, Guilt, Stigma, Demonization, and Stereotyping of the Past had directly correlated to the Social Shift in Porn Shop Cliental.

The Days of Porn Shops being Inhabited by Lone Pale skinned, Greasy Haired, Sunken Eyed Porn Zombies or Perverts in Trench Coats with Fedoras pulled down over Their eyes, and Hardcore Porn S&M Types had faded into the Obscurity of Days gone By.

In the Times since the Social Shift Porn Shop Customers suddenly became Normal Everyday People They could be anyone You see or pass on the Street. Post is They look just like You or A Soccer Mom. People came in and Smiling, Joking, and just had some fucking fun in Todays Times.

Not to mention Porn Shops started to be frequently Patronized by Couples of all Sexual Types and Orientations. Boy Fiends, Girl Friends, Fiancees, Life Partners, and Married Couples opening a whole new accessible demographic who would have literally NEVER set foot in a Porn Shop thats for fucking Sure.

   

It was then that Les realized His eyes were closed and He had just become aware of it. Damn too many Beers last Night at the Bar Lee thought to Himself as He was already battling a Brutal Hangover. Considering sitting still would only contribute to the issue at hand Lee hopped off the Stool behind the Check Out Counter, and figured now was a good as time as ever to do a little inventory. Nothing like counting Dildos and Inflatable Fuck Dolls to get the Blood Flowing, well it at least it keep Him awake.

A few minutes past as Lee counted Cockrings and Clit Stimulators when He hear the Front Door Bell. Ah the first Customer of the Day Lee thought as He was glad to have anything to do other than fucking Inventory. Lee strode quickly back behind the Cashiers Counter, and took a seat on the rickety Bar Stool and, waited eagerly to see what the preverbal Cat dragged in Today for Him to Observe.

   

Stay Tuned For Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitits: Professional People Watcher (5/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (3/365)

Along the way as Porn Shops became Cleaner, Safer, and more Socially Acceptable Their availability to the Public became Greater. Porn Shops now could operate Out in the Open giving Them a much more viable and visible presence in the Community so to speak.

Back in the Old Days One had only one of two options when it came to visiting a Porn Shop. Now first off in BOTH scenarios the Trips are made at Night as even the most Hardcore Porno Fans wouldn’t venture out in Daylight to visit a Porn Shop. It was totally out of the Question because You always ran the risk of Someone You knew seeing You, and back then that was a huge fucking deal.

   

Now You either lived in a City, and had to circumnavigate the Perils of The Trip to the Porn Shop. Since Porn was Persecuted at the time if You went to a Porn Shop You had to stray into a truly shitty Neighborhood. You would have to weave in and out between the Hookers, Junkies, Pimps, Drug Dealers, Muggers, Petty Thieves, Hustlers, Police (who could and most likely would arrest you), and Homeless. And as You did You pass other so called Unsavory Businesses such as Shady Strip Clubs, Porno Movie Theaters, Pawn Shops, Liquor Stores, Abandoned Store Fronts, and Flea Bag Hotels the kind that Rent by the Hour.

That or if You lived in a Rural or Suburban Area You had a serious Drive in front of You if You wanted to pop by Your “Local” Porn Shop. Suburbia is just as bad as if You lived in a Remote Rural Area. Thats due to the Unwritten Rule of No Porn in Places People go to Raise Their Kiddies. Well the Internet fucked that Up for Suburbanite Parents.

   

Anyway if You lived in the Rural or Suburban setting the Porn Shop would be on Average 45-60 minutes away in the middle of Bumblefuck Nowhere so remote They don’t even have Street Lights. That meant You’d have to drive late at Night Down some long, dark, and winding Country Backroads while worrying about hitting a Deer (or some other Woodland Critter along the way.)

It was  identical to how Psychiatry is widely Accepted and Utilized Nowadays by the Members of Society free from the Stigma of the Past where only “Crazy” or “Seriously Disturbed” People saw Shrinks. Porn Shops just like Psychiatry were once Demonized had now come Full Circle, and now instead of be ostracized by Society where now a Welcomed Addition.

 

Stay Tuned To Tomorrows Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (4/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (2/365)

Lee spent the early Day downtime pondering why Anyone still Patronized Porn Shops. Lee like the name Porn Shop as it seemed more Honest than the watered down Adult Store/ Adult Book Store. Why would Anyone bother going to a Porn Shop with the Infinite Universe of Free Internet Porn that could be viewed in (the Protection and Privacy of) One’s Own Home.

It was very similar to when VHS Tapes became available to the General Public it was inadvertently the Final Nail in the Porno Movie Theaters. The principle reasoning is fucking Identical in Why go out and risk embarrassment/Arrest when You could now watch all the Porn you wanted at Home for the First Time thus negating the need or use of Porno Movie Theaters.

Lee surmised that the Principle Reason People still Frequented Porn Shops was simply Instant Gratification. If One wanted say a Certain Sex Toy (outside of the Free Porn Movie Clips/Movies/Scenes) One has to wait for it to be Delivered. Even with 2 day, Priority, and Overnight shipping People want what the want as fast as fucking possible optimally without waiting.

Lee also had come to the conclusion that the Evolution of the Porn Shop over just short of 5 Decades had a great deal with People still Utilizing Porn Shops, and Porn Shops Widening Their Customer Base. The Old Days of the Dingy, Dank, Poorly Lit Porn Shops with Their Sticky Floors and Shady Clientele had gone the way of the Dodo. Porn Shops used to be on the outer fringe of Society operating in a sketchy “Legal Grey Area” since Technically in the 1970’s Porn was basically Illegal. Customers of Porn Shops or Adult Porno Movie Theaters ran the risk of Being Arrested in a Police Raid.

     

Then over the Years Porn slowly became more accepted by Society as a whole. So it was this Social Shift that allowed Porn Shops to essentially come out into the Open and Operate like any other legitimate Business. And with being allowed to Operate without Legal issues/trouble Porn Shops literally cleaned up Their act.

Porn Shop became bright and well lit with Loud and Colorful Advertising Posters on the White Sterile Walls. Suddenly Porn Shops went from Sleazy STD Ridden Barely Legal Shitholes to Viable Commercial Retail Shops that resembled Walmart more than a Scummy Den of Vice.

   

Stay Tuned for Tomorrows Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watch (3/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober