Music/Musician – Page 6

Eleanor Rigby One of The Lonely People

I’ll be honest I never understood the appeal of The Beatles and most likely never will. More than likely its just a Generational Difference I would imagine.

Now DO NOT GET ME WRONG though I do not understand nor like The Beatles DOES NOT NIGATE the fact that to Their credit The Beatles were Extremely Talented Musicians who’s Music made them Rich and Internationally Famous. Not only that but Their Music and Musical Accomplishments still hold significant relevance to this very Day.

There is in fact ONLY ONE SINGULAR Beatles song that I do like (well sort of, I’ll explain that later in the post) and that would be Their song “Eleanor Rigby”, and as for the rest of Their Catalog I couldn’t possibly care less.

The funny thing is way, way back in the Day I took an intensive 8 week English Literature Class when I was Temporarily a Collage Student. On the first day of the Class the Professor handed out the Lyrics for The Beatles’s song “Eleanor Rigby”, asked Us to simply Read it, and then write Our Thoughts/Impressions Down.

I found it a rather interesting Exorcise. YES this an exact Recreation of that exact Exorcise. And NO it’s not Identical since I lost the Original Paper long, long ago.

Several Months after the Class ended I was fucking around checking out Bands I’d never heard of in an attempt to find the last real Musicians (that is if They even still exist).

I noticed one of the New Bands on My Musical Radar had Recorded a Cover of “Eleanor Rigby” so I figured I’d listen to it since I had never ACTUALLY heard the Song. I hit play, listened to the entire song, and rather liked it.

Weeks or possibly Months after listening to the Cover thought it would make sense to listen to The ORIGINAL Beatles Version of “Eleanor Rigby” which I promptly did. After I listen to the entire song thought it was quite amusing that while I disliked the Original I enjoyed the Cover of It.

I have found out through the Years that there a PLENTY of additional songs that I despise , BUT for some unknown reason (at least to Me) I really get a kick out of Certain COVERS of said song. It’s sort of a Thing I’ve come to understand since meeting and talking to People who have the same similar affinity for the Covers over the Original songs. Anyways I digress.

“Eleanor Rigby” By The Beatles

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely peopleEleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

Eleanor picking up the Rice after a Wedding is symbolic of Her chronic Loneliness. Weddings are one of if Not the most Happiest Events of a Person’s Life (Possibly only second to the Birth of a Child. At least that’s what the fuck People with Kids Claim as Those without Kids may feel completely different about it.), Yet Eleanor isn’t a Wedding Guest or Member of The Wedding Party. Eleanor seems to pick up the Rice while Day Dreaming about what it must be like to be that Loved.

The Listener then learns that Eleanor is so lonely that she literally waits chronically looking out the Window for any Visitor at all as Eleanor doesn’t have Friends, Family or even Acquaintances who would stop by say Hello and see how She is.

The “Face in a Jar” is a rather dated social reference as its a play on the saying “I have to put My face on…” which is a rather Old School phrase that Women used to express/indicate She isn’t wearing Makeup thus She is Unprepared for Company.

Lastly Eleanor’s loneliness is confirmed with the question “Who is it For?” as though Eleanor remains poised and ready for Company there isn’t Anyone coming to pay Her a visit.

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Here the Song Writer is making an inquiry through question. Either They are curious as too Who are all these so called “Lonely People” They have/are Observing. It also could be more of a depressing lament questioning more over as to Why are there “Lonely People” period.

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?

Father McKenzi apparently a lone Priest in a Parish without Petitioners, and what is a Church without a congregation? And if the Church remains vacant why would Father McKenzi bother putting in the Time and Effort writing an entire presumably Sunday Sermon if there’s No One to Hear it as apparently “No One Comes Near”?

It’s the same reason Father McKenzi would take the time to sew the holes in his socks when he is the only Person in the Church. He’s lonely and needs to fill his day with things outside of the Human Contact he is lacking to keep sane, and to keep from falling into a crippling depression. The Sermon(s) and Socks are both ways Father McKenzi combats the overwhelming Alienation he faces on a Daily basis.

This is the significant difference between Father McKenzi and Eleanor Rigby. Father McKenzi finds some solace in his daily activities be it in writing Sermons or performing routine mundane tasks at least he is being some what pro active to dealing with His loneliness. Meanwhile Eleanor opts to sit solely focusing on if Someone will or won’t being stopping by to see Her.

(I have removed The Chorus Here as I have NOTHING Else to Say that I haven’t already pertaining to “All the lonely people…”)

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

Eleanor dies with nothing to show for her life, but her name. And just as in Life No One Comes to visit Eleanor in Death as not a single Person attended her funeral. Eleanor literally died alone.

Father McKenzi not only presided over Eleanor’s funeral, but the fact he is wiping dirt from his hands as he’s walking away from Eleanor’s grave implies Father McKenzi also Dug the Grave himself. So in the End Eleanor didn’t even have a Grave Digger to give a shit about Her or Her passing.

The irony is that Eleanor Rigby and Father McKezi lived in the same area and yet never met. That to Me is the most tragic of all. If the Two Sad Souls had had the chance to meet they would have been the Cure for each Others Loneliness, and Improved the Quality of both Their Lives.

I believe that is what the song Writer is ultimately trying to convey in Eleanor who spent her Life craving Human Contact dies alone, and in the end is buried by the equally Lonely Father McKenzi.

(I cut the song Off before the Last Chorus as I stated earlier I NOTHING NEW to Write about it.)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Malice The Band That Almost Killed US All Pt 7: The Salvation & Damnation Tour Takes Off

May 1st: Malice boarded Their Tour Bus at the ass crack of Dawn and Headed for Their first Show of The Salvation & Damnation Tour in Portland Oregon which the Band was less than Thrilled about (One must remember this was long before Portland became a Hipster’s Trendy Mecca).

During the Bus Ride Malice’s Manager Harold Slickmann announced a New Album Concept he’d been working on with Guillotine Records. The Idea was to Record each of the 30 concerts and release them as Live Albums. Then once all 30 Live Show albums from the Tour were out Malice would release a “Best Of The Salvation & Damnation Tour” Compilation Album. Lastly when Christmas rolls around Malice would release a 31 Album Salvation & Damnation Tour Box Set complete with the Compilation Album.

The Band liked this idea because it was very low maintenance. No Studios, No Producers to deal with, No Editing, No ReRecording, No Fighting Over the Songs all They had to do is what They loved Best and that was Playing Live.

That Night’s Show at the Portland Supreme Sports Stadium started off with a Blast. The Crowd was beyond energetic, and Malice was on Fire as They ripped through song after song from the 4 New Records worth of Material, and They planned on playing Their older shit for the Encore. It would have worked out well accept for one major incident.

During the Solo of “Your Love is Heaven or Hell (I can’t Tell)” a Obsessed Fan ran out on Stage completely naked with a rather large Pipe Bomb strapped to his dick. The Band stopped playing as each member of the Band became aware of the Naked Guy with Explosives attached to His cock. That is They all stopped playing accept for Stevenson who continued to Solo is Ass off.

Stevenson’s cavalier attitude prompted then Bassist Maxi Padd to wonder over and join Him by backing Stevenson with a Brutal Baseline. This only excited the Naked Fan as now He effectively had His own Real Time Sound Track. Security was creeping ever so slowly towards the Naked Freak, but They weren’t happy that he was naked, and less than thrilled that His crotch was set to Explode as well.

The Audience watched enthusiastically unaware this was not a Prank that a Band Member was playing on Another. The Naked Fan was working Himself into a absolute frenzy as He started to Jack Off with the Pipe Bomb Still Attached. This caused Security, most of the Band and several of the Front rows (1 through 3) to duck for cover since No One knew if the Naked Guy Jerking Off would trigger the Pipe Bomb to Detonate.

This went on for several more minutes than anyone would have liked before the Naked Fanatic started muttering “Malice Rocks” over and over while simultaneously saying it Louder and Louder each time He said it. Then once the Man had reached the top of His Lung Capacity He Primally Screamed “MALICE ROCKS SO HARD THEY BLEW MY BALLS OFF!” and then promptly set the Pipe Bomb off.

A Large jagged piece of the Fan’s Skull flew and landed squarely landed in Stevenson’s neck causing Him to stumble around drunkenly, yet He never stopped playing during the whole ordeal. Maxi Padd in Total Shock, and abject Horror promptly dropped Her Bass and ran over to Stevenson in a attempt to help by pulling the shard of Skull from Stevenson’s Neck which is exactly what She shouldn’t have done.

With the Skull Fragment removed there was nothing keeping the deep gash in Stevenson’s Neck plugged up, and once removed Stevenson became to bleed profusely. A veritable Geyser of dark crimson blood like a Fountain that one would find in perhaps Hell. Stevenson bleed to Death in less than 90 seconds again HE NEVER STOPPED PLAYING.

Upon seeing Stevenson actually drop dead Maxi Padd was so beside Herself with Grief She committed Seppuku (also know as Harakiri also spelled Hara-Kiri) disemboweling Herself on Stage. Padd’s Body fell into the Audience where the Fans scrambled rabidly to secure a piece of the Padd’s body as a sick souvenir or Morbid Memorabilia.

Padd’s body was full directed and torn to shreds within seconds to the point that in the end all they could locate of Padd was the vast amount of Blood Splatter that was sprayed all over the Front of the Stage and Front Row.

May 2nd: With less than 12 hours before Their scheduled Show that Night in Seattle Washington at the renowned Thrillington Theater were faced with a familiar problem. The problem being the untimely Death of Guitarist Stevie “The Shill” Stevenson as well as Their Bassist (and Izzy Sane’s Girlfriend) in a tragic Fan induced incident the Night before in Portland.

Thusly Malice (at this point being just Sane and Rock) was once again tasked with replacing Band Members in a pinch. Malice didn’t have the luxury of time currently so They couldn’t hold Auditions or go out and Scout out Local Talent. Luckily Drummer Rock Harder had an Ace up His sleeve as it were. Rock had access to a very special phone number that He had sworn to only use if He absolutely had to, and Now He had to.

A Couple of Hours Later Rock reappeared with an important announcement, He had in fact hired BOTH a New Guitarist and a New Bassist in time for the Show. Not only that but the New Guys could finish out the Tour with Malice too since there was such a strict time requirement on this Tour (1 show a Night for 30 Nights.)

Singer Izzy Sane was intrigued as were Malice’s Management , and Legal Representation. Rock didn’t waste another minute and informed everyone present that He had in fact managed to land Ick and Ook Oakerlund who were currently between projects and Bands to boot.

Idk and Ook Oakerlund were Brothers who hailed from Norway, and where debatably the BIGGEST Black Metal Icons of the Time. The Oakerlund Brother’s had been in Some of the Most Popular and Controversial Black Metal Bands such as Skinned Alive, Diseased Cadaver, Jugulator, Raping Christ, Sodomy, Nay Sayer, Rotting Entrails, and Festering Sores to name a few.

The Brother’s were also Known for virtually never speaking more than 3-5 words between them, and seemed to communicate with each other Telepathically (and NO They weren’t Twins if Your wondering). They also reportedly NEVER removed Their Corpse Paint even when showering where the used Tin Foil to wrap Their heads entirely while using drinking straws to breath. This way Their Corpse Paint remained in tact.

The Oakerlund Brothers met up with Malice at Thrillington Theater since They spent a majority of the Day flying in from Their Music Studio in Their adopted Homeland of Iceland. The Show went well but with the Dying and Hiring of Malice Band Members the Crowd was confused when Malice’s Newest line up hit the Stage.

The Show was a success non the less though something was off with Izzy Sane who moped about the stage like a Heartbroken High School Freshman. This irritated Rock to no end as He thought it was highly disrespectful to the Fans in attendance. The Oakerlund Brothers seemed utterly oblivious as Ick and Ook played that Nights Set List flawlessly.

After the Show Sane was confronted by Rock who demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Sane told Rock He was still in Shock over the sudden and gruesome demise of His Girlfriend Maxi Padd the Night before. Rock told Him if Sane couldn’t handle it He should just do everyone a favor and quit since it was’t fair to the Fans if Sane couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to give 110%.

So thats exactly what Izzy did. He quit Malice on the Spot and headed off for a Life studying the Mating Habit s of African Dung Beatle. Who asked why Izzy chose Dung Beatles He said it was due to the fact that He”Felt like total Shit”

May 3rd: Malice’s next Show was scheduled for The Arctic Polar Bear Club in Anchorage Alaska. The Oakland Brothers were excited because the stark and cold wilderness of Alaska reminded Them of Their Scandinavian Stomping Ground. Though both Brothers were bummed by the fact Alaska was so close to Canada that it had previously been part of it, and The Oakerlund’s despised Canadians for being so Happy, Welcoming, Friendly, Open, and Helpful as all these things were not at all BLACK METAL.

Before the Show The Oakerlunds got rip roaring drunk on Finish Moonshine, found a veritable recluse who had a Grizzly Bear as a Pet, went to see Him at his residence, and Wrestled the Grizzly. The Grizzly tapped out twice as each Brother ended Their Bear Wrestling Bout with a wicked Submission Hold (Ick using the Viking Vice, and Ook chose The Bloody Eagle).

Pumped up from Their Grisly ass kicking Adventure headed back to the Hotel to rendezvous with the Rock who had been searching for a New Singer for the Show along with Malice Manager Harold Slickmann. They pair had decided on a Local named Murphy “Thunderbolt” Gibbons who was fronting a Local Band called Inuit’s Revenge and made Him an offer. As it were Gibbons huge Malice Fan and new all Their songs by Heart and was happy to Join.

Admittedly the addition of Gibbons helped ease the Local Fans at that Night’s performance transition into the New Line Up. 3/4ths of the Malice had been Killed (Maxi Padd and Stevie “The Shill” Stevenson) or Quit (singer Izzy Sane), and then Replaced all in the first 3 days of the current Tour.

May 4th: Considering the past few Days events Malice’s Manager called Guillotine Records to broker a deal that would allow Malice to take 3 Days off From the Road to Readjust and Regroup. With all the intense and abrupt chaos Guillotine was ready to Bargain.

The Deal that Guillotine and Slickmann was They would use Look-A-Likes for the Next 3 Shows ( 4 including that Nights Show) IF Malice consided to Recording the 4 Nights Shows worth of Material for the Albums in Lou of Their time off from the Tour. Slickmann reviewed the Deal to Malice over Brunch (which the Band referred to as Breakfast since none of Them woke up before 10:30 am on average)

Malice was thrilled to hear about the arrangement and all agreed that They would spend the entire Day recording so They could then have the next 72 hours strait to Themselves. Malice asked the Hotel’s concierge where the most promenade recording studio was located since no one was Familiar with Anchorage. The Concierge told Malice that Arctic Circle Studios was considered to be the Best recording studio in Anchorage.

Malice called over to Arctic Circle and booked the whole a Day’s worth of Recording time. After 23 hours and 47 minutes after entering the Studio Malice walked out triumphant having recorded all 4 Albums worth of material in a Extreme Non Stop Recording Marathon.

Malice spent the next 3 Days drinking at all the Local Bars, Elk Hunting, Learning about Inuit Culture, Facing Canada Intoxicatedly and screaming insults, and participating in Team Building Exercises.

May 8th: That Nights Show at the Sensational Stadium in Pierre South Dakota was a mega success by anyones standards. The three days the Band spent getting acquainted paid off in dividends.

The only issue facing that Nights performance was the presence of Mormon Protesters who were there to condemn Malice’s music as “Satan’s Soundtrack.

Upon arrival The Ockerlund Brother’s clashed instantly with the Protesters as They (as many Black Metal Musicians) despised and detested Christianity in all its forms. The Ockerlund Brothers taunted the Protesters by holding up Inverted Crosses, Drenching Bibles in Goat Blood, and hurling insults in Their native Norwegian. Finally the Ockerlund’s were escorted backstage to separate the two feuding factions, and end the confrontation as peacefully as possible.

As the Show raged on through the Night with Malice playing so intently passionate Rock repeatedly broke His Drum Sticks as The Ockerlund Brothers snapped string after string on Their Guitars. Murphy was so amped He ditched the Microphone in favor of SCREAMING the lyrics as loud as humanly possible. Malice ended Their set with Their huge hit “The Oral Moral” as the crowd surged excitedly singing along.

Malice ended up doing 17 encores that Night. During the Final Song Malice Played was “Frisky Kitty” which literally had the Crowd jumping up and down as the Fans became more and more enthusiastic.

What no one could have anticipated was that there was in fact a HUMUNGOUS Sinkhole sitting just a few feet below the Stadium Parking Lot. And No One would have ever know about the Sinkhole if it was for the unfortunate exuberance of the Fans in attendance.

The Fans ruckusness shook the ground mimicking a Small Earthquake which caused the shallow ground above the Abyss of a Sinkhole to collapse suddenly and quite unexpectedly. As a result of the Sinkhole Cave In the entire group of 117 Mormon Protesters fell into the cavernous Sinkhole to NEVER been seen again.

Ick couldn’t help himself, and made the comment that The Protesters had discovered an Express Route to Hell.

May 9th: Malice’s Tour Bus rolled into the parking lot The Excelsior Hotel in Saint Paul Minnesota just in time for the Hotel’s Complimentary Happy Time Cocktail Hour. During the Complimentary Cocktail Hour the Members of Malice consumed $1,157 worth of Tequila Shots, $2.289 worth of Vodka, $3,345 worth of Finest Whiskeys, $46,471 worth of Beer, and $593 worth of Gin.

When the Complimentary Happy Hour ended promptly at 6 pm on the dot Malice retired to Their Rooms and dark the Mini Bars dry. The Band then utilized Room Service to run up an Additional $128,992 on Their Tab. By the time Malice’s Tour Bus pulled up to take Them to the Show Each Member of the Band was 14 times the Legal Limit.

The Show was cut short only 6 songs in by The Minnesota State Police who had been tipped off that The Ockerlund Brothers had planned to Decapitate a Cow with a Customized Bovine Guillotine. The Police detained and hauled the Brothers off to the Police Station for Questioning.

By the end of the Questioning The Ockerlund Brother’s were cut free without being charged with a crime since the Cow wasn’t on the premises (the Cattle Rancher’s Cattle Trailer Hitch broke) the Giant Cow Sized Guillotine was classified as a Stage Prop.

Malice spent the rest of Their Night in Minnesota consuming Dairy Products until They all became Lactose Intolerant.

May 10th: Malice was summoned to Their Manager Harold Slickmann’s Suite for an impromptu Band Meeting. Slickmann had received a call from Malice’s Record Label Guillotine Records earlier that morning.

The Label’s Representative a Man by the Name of Gerold Spindle had phoned Slickmann FURIOUS after the Label received a Copy of the previous Nights Police Report. The fact The Ockerlund Brother’s had planned on using a Guillotine of all fucking things in Their Illegal Cattle Decapitation that there would be a highly Negative Association between the Band and Guillotine Records.

Thus Guillotine was Terminating any and all contracts with the Band effective immediately. The Label cited several breaches of Contract and again stated that the Label wanted NOTHING to do with an impending Scandal or Association with Malice. Guillotine ended the conversation by reminding Slickmann that They could but wouldn’t be pressing charges of Their own.

Slickmann was a man who fully believed in being prepared with not just 1 back up Plan but Numerous Ones to cover more or all of the Bases. Since Malice had had issue with Their previous Label Razorback Records Slickmann had devised a plan incase future conflicts arose involving Malice and Their Record Label.

Slickmann had already been shopping around for Other Alternate Offers from competing Record Labels, and had a replacement already in place. Slickmann had brokered a Deal with Rabid Records that if for any reason Malice wanted or needed a New Record Label that Rabid Records would have the first shot. And Rabid took the Shot and sure as Hell didn’t miss.

Rabid had the financing to keep the Scheduled Tour on the Road, Produce the 30 Live Concert Albums from the Tour, and They said it didn’t matter that Malice only played a total of 6 songs last night as They would still release the 6 song set as an EP in limited number (to drive up the Price and Profits.)

Malice signed on the dotted line and prepared for that Nights Show. The concert went smoothly and without a single issue or incident which was a well welcomed change. Malice took the Stage at 8 pm and Walked off stage for the last time that night at 4am the following morning. They’re Decathlon of a Concert SHATTERED the current American Record for Longest Live Show ( of 4 hours set by Bruce Springsteen) by DOUBLE.

May 11th: Malice spent the Day before Their concert at Stephen King Stadium in Augusta Maine Lobster Fishing, Clamming, Hunting/Trapping, and Binge Drinking. While in the Forrest Ook found a patch of Hallucinatory Mushrooms and picked them for later that Night.

Before the Show Malice was lounging around Their dressing room when Ook brought out the fat sack of Shrooms, and divided them amongst the Band who happily gobbled them down vigorously. By the time Malice took the stage They were tripping Their collective asses off not to mention teetering on the brink of Alcohol Poisoning.

The Ockerlund Brothers were so fucked up that They started playing songs from Bastardized which happened to be one of Their former Bands. Murphy was lit as well, but He was a Big Time Bastardized Fan and knew all the words to Their songs so He started singing along. Meanwhile Rock had no choice but to hang in and learn the songs on the spot in a true trial by fire.

As for the Fans they too were insanely intoxicated and didn’t seem to mind that they were at a Malice concert, Yet the Band was playing only Bastardized Covers.

Now while the Band and Audience thoroughly enjoyed Themselves Slickmann was worried about the reaction from Malice’s band new record Label Rabid Records would be once They found out that there was a concert but the song content wasn’t actually Malice’s.

It didn’t take long for Slickmann to get His answer. Slickmann was called to the White Courtesy Phone where a gentlemen calling Himself Boozy informed Slickmann Rabid had in fact become aware of the situation at hand, and had no problem with it. Rabid said they would simply market the Album as some sort of Themed Concert or some shit.

Slickmann was so relieved He ate a handful of Shrooms to Relax along with doing a Bottle of Scotch.

May 12th: Malice headed to Albany in New York State for Their show that Night at the Albany Amphitheater. The Show was going to be a bit different as Malice had been booked to play a Private Corporate Event for The National Nudists Network of North America’s Annual All Nude Fetish Festival.

Malice mulled around Their Hotel pissed They were in New York State and Not New York City until They took the stage at 7:30 that Evening. Unbeknownst to the Band or the Festival Promoter a wayward Hippy Through back named Dr. Ecstasy had been tail gaiting all day in the parking lot. While tail gating Dr. Ecstasy had spent His time using an Old T-shirt Cannon He had purchased some time ago to Launch Loads of Capsules (filled with Pharmaceutical Grade MDMA) into the large Crowd dispersing them throughout the entire evening’s Audience.

This made for a very Zen show that was until Malice played Their number One Power Ballad “You Stole My Heart”. The Audience was so overwhelmed by the tune a spontaneous Orgy erupted and spread through the Audience like a Sex Fueled Wild Fire. Before anyone knew it the Concert had transformed into LITERALLY the World Record Orgy with 1,500 furiously fucking Fans.

The Police had actually shown up an Hour before the end of the Show but had failed to shut it down prematurely. The Police had been held up slipping and sliding in Bodily Fluids to effectively do Their job. Luckily the Band left the stage, stripped naked Themselves and simple walked out of the Amphitheater without accruing any Criminal Charges.

May 13th: Malice arrived in Orlando Florida for that Night’s Show at The Forever Disney Theater located in the Disney World Theme Park. Malice was quite confused as Disney wasn’t exactly target audience, and the Ockerlund Brothers were enraged by all the Cartoon Cuteness calling Disney a Dismal Display of Deplorable People.

To add to the Confusion the Concert was scheduled to start at 4:30pm that Afternoon which was half an hour before Happy Hour which further angered The Band. The Band showed up at the Venue at 3:45pm for Sound Check. The Theater while sufficient is size was painted in vibrant Pastel colors and was heavily plastered with Disney Icon’s from a variety of Their Movies.

Needless to say The Ockerlund Brothers almost stormed off in protest refusing to play the Show, but were talked down by Slickmann who offered a Night of Boozing, Drugging, and Hookers if The Brothers would play the show.

Malice walked out on Stage at 4:30pm as planned to a dead quiet Theater. All the Seat were filled, but all the Fans were sitting in absolute silence. Malice was rather creeped out by the unyielding silence. Slickmann who was just as confused as the Band signaled Murphy to start the Show while he looked into what exactly was going on. Murphy struck up the band on Slickmann’s cue and launched into a lively version of “Luck of The Ladies”, and still the audience sat motionless and mute as a motherfucker.

Slickmann tracked down the Disney Rep in charge of scheduling and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Slickmann wanted to know if this was some kind of joke like fucking Candid Camera (the OG Punk’d) or was this some asshole fucking with Malice because They didn’t like them or WHAT?!!

The Disney Rep named Kingsley explained to a baffled Slickmann that the concert was being put on as a Charity Event for the Silent Night which was an organization that worked with the Deaf. Slickmann more twisted than ever asked if this was in fact a concert FOR the Deaf to which Kingsley replied in a word Yes.

Slickmann was on the verge of a massive coronary when he exasperatedly inquired to why in the name of all things Metal would some one put on a Charity Concert at Disney World for Deaf People. It looked like a monumental dick move. Kingsley replied that the Charity believed that Deaf People shouldn’t be treated any differently than anyone else, and this concert was more of a Testimony to Their Motto than an actual viable Concert.

Regardless Malice finished the show, and though there was no indication from the audience went on to play 4 encores. Once Malice found out what was going on They too were confused as fuck, but still very glad They had played anyway.

May 14th: Malice found Themselves in Wilmington Delaware scheduled to play a show at Delaware River Fair Grounds. When Malice arrived They were met by a Gang of Neo Nazi Skinheads who had showed up to start shit. Apparently the Nazi Numbshits thought Malice’s music was Lame as Fuck, and The Band Members were Hollywood Pussies.

Regardless of the unwanted Nazi Nutsacks Malice managed to circumvent the Gang of Racist Assholes, and mad it back stage without a problem. Once Malice took the stage though the Nazi Scumbags rushed the stage in an attempt to beat up the Band.

Malice was ready and broke into an extended Speed Metal Version of The Dead Kennedy’s “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” which whipped the Crowd into a Anti-Nazi Rally as The Fans proceeded to beat the Holy Hell out of every last one of the Skindhead shitfuckers into a Free ride in an Ambulance.

Malice again wasn’t charged with any Crime or Criminal Behavior because the Neo Nazi Nitwits were obviously the unwanted aggressors, and Malice hadn’t actually physically in gauged the Nazi Numbskulls. That and fending off an attack by racist asshats with a Song amused the Cops to No End, and used it to antagonize Their Swastika Loving Prisoners.

May 15th: Malice spent the Day on the Road traveling to that night’s show at The Tough Luck Club in downtown Austin Texas. When Malice arrived They skipped Hotel checkin and drove directly to the Club.

When Malice pulled up to the Club they were immediately unhappy with the Venues size. Malice felt that since Austin was a Major City that playing a show at a Smaller Club that only held 500 People was a fucking unjust and insulting.

Slickmann maned the phones scrambling to see if the Bands Label Rabid Records could possibly find a more fitting venue for Malice to play that Evening, but Rabid said they had been unaware of the insufficient booking. And since Rabid had only found this error out just a few hours before the show was scheduled to start there was nothing They could do. They did take the opportunity to shit talk Guillotine Records since they technically were responsible for the shitty booking.

Malice wasn’t having any of it and decided amongst Themselves on what to do about the crap situation They had on Their hands. Malice had talked the Head Sound Technician for that Night’s show, and found out there was in fact a Super Sized Music Festival put on by 104.4 Rock’n Roll Radio currently going on the Outskirts of Austin. In fact tonight was the Last Night of the 4 Day Festival, and thus would have the Largest Crowd of the event.

Malice promptly boarded Their Tour bus and drove over to the 104.4 Rock’n Roll Radio Festival leaving Slickmann behind by accident. Malice arrived and killed time before the Main Stage Festival Closer Spot was coming up Next by Smoking Crack and doing Tequila Shooters in the Port-A-Potties.

Once the Second to last Act (some band called The Local Yokels) were finishing up Malice made Their way to the Front Row shoving anyone who got in Their way to the ground. The Festival Closing Act was an up and coming band on the verge of success called The Urban Outlaws. Once The Urban Outlaws strode out to start Their set Malice jumped the Security Barrier and directly up on stage.

The Members of Malice took The Outlaws instruments out of Their hands and motioned The Band Members off stage. Malice then announced to the awaiting audience that Malice had come to Invade the Festival, and take the Main Stage Hostage. Malice electrified the Crowd who thought it was a VERY METAL thing to do just showing up and commandeering the Stage like Malice had. And being a State that idolized Outlaw Culture the Audience gave Their full approval.

That Night’s show was the Highlight of the Salvation & Damnation Tour thus far as Malice Played into the Night only stopping when They eventually collapsed from exhaustion.

WELL KIDDIES Thats all for Now, STAY TUNED for………

Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All PART 8!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Micheal Jackson’s Catchy Pop Song About a Violent Murder

I fully believe that a Life without Music isn’t a Life worth Living. Now Growing up when I did You could walk 5 feet without hearing or seeing something relating to Micheal Jackson.

Now I have nothing against Micheal Jackson in the least I just want to be clear so there is no confusion. I don’t want some Dullard thinking I’m shit talking Jackson’s Music in Anyway Way Whatsoever.

I have just made several Personal OBSERVATIONS pertaining to Jackson’s Smooth Criminal , and its rather Grim Lyrics.

I like who knows how many Million other People Globally am a fan of Jackson’s Smooth Criminal, BUT it also has ALWAYS intrigued Me. Over the Years every time I heard Micheal Jackson’s Smooth Criminal it just INCREASED My Interest that much more. On the surface it was a catchy tune, YET the Lyrics seemed to convey a MUCH DARKER MESSAGE.

What I can’t get My head around is Micheal Jackson was one of the Greatest POP STARS in History, and his Song Smooth Criminal was a commercial success. I mean it’s still being Played on the Radio to this very Day, BUT the Lyrics are Very Disturbing indeed.

Now I’m pretty assured that if I asked ANY Person on the Street that They would know the Song or at least familiar with it . I am also pretty fucking assured that if I asked the SAME PEOPLE what the Song is Actually About No One would be able to come up with an answer.

That brings Us to Today when I decided to Officially Go On Record, and grabbed a copy of the Lyrics for Smooth Criminal off Google.

I cut and pasted the Lyrics here and will Simply address My rather Dark (or Morbid might be a better word) Observations periodically as We go.

SMOOTH CRIMINAL by Micheal Jackson:

“As He Came Into The Window

It Was The Sound Of A
Crescendo
He Came Into Her Apartment
He Left The Bloodstains On
The Carpet
She Ran Underneath The Table
He Could See She Was Unable
So She Ran Into The Bedroom
She Was Struck Down, It Was
Her Doom”

Alright well thats just the BEGINNING of the Song. Here the Listener can deduce that a STRANGE MAN smashed a window loudly and Enters Annie’s Apartment. I think it’s safe to assume this is a Breaking and Entering, and Not one of Annie’s FaceBook Friends popping by to say Hi.

It doesn’t end there it only gets more Gruesome for Poor Annie. Next The Intruder leaves BLOOD STAINS on Annie’s Carpet. Where the fuck is the BLOOD from? Was the Intruder already covered in Blood? Is it a reference to Annie’s Blood? Did the Intruder cut Himself breaking the Window?

Then We find out a panicked Annie hides under a table at which point the Intruder realizes theres NOTHNG ANNIE can do, She poses NO Threat to Him. Finally Annie bolts for the Bedroom in Sheer Terror, BUT apparently The Intruder followed Annie, STRUCK HER (aka Hit), and “It Was Her DOOM” so obviously The Intruder MURDERED ANNIE or FATALLY WOUNDED HER and She’s laying on the Floor Dying.

“Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok, Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok, Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok, Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok, Are You Ok, Annie”

This incessant questioning repeated over and over is reminiscent of a HYSTERICAL PERSON stumbling upon this Horror Show, and finding Annie’s Body Unconscious on the floor, Bloody Dying or Dead. You can imagine someone bent over Annie’s Body frantically asking Her if She is Ok though its quite apparent that she is fucking far from OK.

“(Annie Are You Ok)
(Will You Tell Us That You’re
Ok)
(There’s A Sign In The
Window)
(That He Struck You-A
Crescendo Annie)
(He Came Into Your
Apartment)
(He Left The Bloodstains On
The Carpet)
(Then You Ran Into The
Bedroom)
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom)”

This is a bit repetitive BUT IT CONFIRMS the Above in that A Intruder smashed a Window to Annie’s Apartment, Enter, Chased Her, Hit Her, and Killed Her. THIS TIME the deal is sealed as they say When the last 2 lines are DIRECTLY Referring To ANNIE SPECIFICALLY “YOU were struck down” and “It was YOUR doom”

“Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
You’ve Been Hit By
You’ve Been Hit By
A Smooth Criminal”

Again We have the Frantic Questioning of Annie, but this time with the ADDED “You’ve been hit by” and “A Smooth Criminal” What The Fuck?! Smooth Criminal?! More like Violent Murderer/Serial Killer/Serial Rapist and Murderer/Stalker.

“So They Came Into The
Outway
It Was Sunday-What A Black
Day
Mouth To Mouth Resus
Citation
Sounding Heartbeats
Intimidations”

This is a tab confusing. The aforementioned Intruder goes from a “He” to a Them OR is They being used in an Official Capacity like when a Cop is recounting the Events of a Crime for example “They broke in….They Stole….They set fire to the House.” which is due to the fact the Cops don’t know if the Attacker was Male, Female or Possible More than One Person.

Anyway Annie’s evening gets worse as We see someone I assume a Paramedic is administering Mouth to Mouth Resuscitation confirming Annie is at least for the moment in fact DEAD. “Sounding Heartbeats” could be part of CPR or the Anxiousness of Those involved in the Crime/Crime Scene again NOT to sure. As for Intimidations well Saving a Victim of a Violent Crime’s Life because perhaps the Paramedic can bring Annie back after all, But NOT LIKELY.

“Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie
Annie Are You Ok
So, Annie Are You Ok
Are You Ok Annie”

More PLEADING, HOPEING, and BEGGING That the Horror is NOT REAL.

“(Annie Are You Ok)
(Will You Tell Us That You’re
Ok)
(There’s A Sign In The
Window)
(That He Struck You-A
Crescendo Annie)
(He Came Into Your
Apartment)
(He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet)
(Then You Ran Into The
Bedroom)
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom)”

Here AGAIN the Details of the Crime are recounted.

“(Annie Are You Ok)
(So, Annie Are You Ok)
(Are You Ok Annie)
(You’ve Been Hit By)
(You’ve Been Struck By-
A Smooth Criminal)”

This time the Last 2 Lines combine Annie being HIT and being STRUCK (say with a Blunt Weapon)

“Okay, I Want Everybody To
Clear The Area Right Now!”

Now for some reason, Myself included never noticed this KEY AND PERTINENT Piece of Information. Its at this point in the Song the Listener can hear a split second sound bite of a Police Car Siren followed by the Lyric being SPOKEN (not sung), and Its sounds like the Person Presumably a Cop is talking on a Police Car’s PA or possibly a Bullhorn. POINT IS THE POLICE ARE THERE CLEARING THE AREA (AKA CRIME SCENE).

“Aaow!
(Annie Are You Ok)
I Don’t Know!
(Will You Tell Us, That
You’re Ok)
I Don’t Know!
(There’s A Sign In The
Window)
I Don’t Know!
(That He Struck You-A
Crescendo Annie)
I Don’t Know!
(He Came Into Your
Apartment)
I Don’t Know!
(Left Bloodstains On The
Carpet)
I Don’t Know Why Baby!
(Then You Ran Into The
Bedroom)
I Don’t Know!
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom-Annie! )”

Here again is the accounting of the CRIME spliced with the NEW LINE “I Don’t Know” as if being asked What Happened by The Police. Also the Exclamation Points indicate the person talking is EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL.

“(Annie Are You Ok)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(Will You Tell Us, That
You’re Ok)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(There’s A Sign In The
Window)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(That He Struck You-A
Crescendo Annie)
Hoo! Hoo!

Once again Here I’m a bit befuddled. Now the line “Dad Gone It-Baby” has been added in. All I can make of this bizarrely cartoonish statement pertaining to a Violent HOMICIDE is Micheal Jackson’s Manager/Reps didn’t want him saying “Goddamnit” which would make far more sense considering the situation, and emotional state of the Singer. This was before POP STARS were allowed to Publicly Curse.

Well there You have it. Now just sit back, Relax, and let the Insanity of it All Shit Sink In.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Mentors: The Juvenile Joke of the Underground

This post is to address the fun fact that through all my manic musical tastes that there has never been a single mention of the band The Mentors, and thats because they’re not a band their actually a fucking joke.

The Mentors are the equivalent of a group of High School Freshmen Boys lingering around a Basement deliberately trying to write the most shocking lyrics purely for shock’s sake (unlike GG Allin who was fucked up yes, but he had a message and a mission behind his violent and obscene music)

And like a bunch of puberty ridden teenage boys The Mentors only have one subject matter when it comes to their music and its simply Sex. They’re Rock’s answer to 2 Live Crew (who also faded away fast because no one wants to hear numerous albums that solely relied on sexually explicit and often laughable lyrics over shitty beats)

The Mentors are best described as if the World’s shittiest GG Allin Impersonator, and the World’s shittiest Gwar cover band took an insane amount of LSD, Banged Each other , and collectively gave birth a severely mentally disabled child known as The Mentors.

The biggest failure of The Mentors (other than being sub par musicians and crappy lyricists) is in their DESPERATE ATTEMPTS to try and Shock People, and make them think shit like “Oh My God! Who is this disgusting band obsessed with Sex?!”

To sum up The Mentors failure the bottom line is just one word: OVERKILL.

The Mentors employed several cliche gimmicks to achieve their goal of Shocking the Audience and Revolting Society such as :

The Mentors became a self proclaimed Porno Rock Band (Punk mixed with some Heavy Metal)

To help back up their Porn Rock Creation The Mentors Drummer (there were a few) would plaster his entire Drum Kit with Pictures of Naked Chicks cut out of Porn Magazines.

The Mentors Song Titles are as absurdly immature as their laughable lyrics with Song Titles like:

Secretary Hump, Shocked and Grossed, On The Rag, My Erection Is Over, White Trash Woman, Service Me Or Be Smacked, Kings Of Sleaze, Donkey Dick, Clap Queen, Herpes Two, In And Out Of You, Couch Test Casting, Heterosexuals Have The Right To Rock, and Wine You, Dine You, Sixty Nine You.

At some point in the early 1990’s The Mentors rebranded their self proclaimed Porn Rock musical style to Rape Rock. This was simply cheap schtick used to ramp up the offensive factor in the most obvious and cliche manner.

The Mentors adopted Stage Names as moronically immature as their shitty music and here they are:

Original Line up was: Eric Carlson ( Sickie Wifebeater) on guitar, Steve Broy ( Dr. Heathen Scum) on bass, and Eldon Hoke ( El Duce) on drums and Vocals.

Due to his severe and chronic alcoholism Hoke eventually couldn’t play drums and sing at the same time so he ended sole as Singer. Hoke died in 1997 walking intoxicated along some train tracks.

The Current Lame Line Up is still Carlson and Broy along with Rick Lomas (Insect On Acid) who joined in 2014 as Background Vocals. There is also Cousin Fister (real name not given) on guitar, John Christopher ( El Chapo) joined as drummer in 2014, and lastly Don Nutz ( The Italian Stallion) who joined in 2015 as drummer for European Tours as well as Long U.S. Tours.

Past Members Include: Zippy on bass 1988-1989, Clark Savage ( Mossedick) on drums from 1991-2008), Sickie Jr on rhythm guitar, El Rapo on vocals (2001-2005), Marc D (Mad Dog Duce) on vocals (2005-2014) and on drums from 2008 to 2014, Chris Jacobson ( Jack Shit) on bass in 1980; died 2011, Mike Dewey (Heathen Scum Wezda) on bass 19080-1987, and Ed Danky (Poppa Sneaky Spermshooter ) on bass 1986-1987; died 1990.

The band is better known for their off stage antics than any fucking shit song they wrote. The 3 most know things/incidents The Mentors are actually known for (not their toilet rock)

Number 1 : No one even had a single goddamn clue who The Mentors were until 1985 (which was 9 fucking years after the forming of The Mentors) In 1985 there were Congressional hearings run by Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC). The PMRC’s attention had been caught by an extremely obscure Mentor’s song called “Golden Shower”.

The lyrics for “Golden Shower” ended having excerpts of it being read on the Congressional floor where they were received not by shocked gasps, BUT rather by Outbreaks of Uncontrollable Laughter.

One of the Excerpts from The Mentor’s song “Golden Shower” is as follows

“Bend up and smell my anal vapor,

Your face is my toilet paper…..

Our relationship I don’t want to spoil it,

You are my personal toilet……

It’s getting near the hour,

On your face I leave a shit tower,

Shit Tower, prune skin power,

Smelling’ sour, it’s the Shit Tower,

Golden Showers”

Number Two: The Mentors were featured on Jerry Springer in the early 1990’s (the heyday of daytime talk shows when they ruled the airwaves) as part of an episode on Shock Rock Acts.

While interviewed the band members did everything in their fucking power to offend, insult, or yes shock the studio audience. They claimed to own professional Gimps, Actual Sex Slaves, are pro Drugs, Pro Unsafe Sex, embrace STDS as badges of honor, humiliate and abuse their fans, and see nothing wrong with raping everyone in the entire world or some stupid shit like that.

The Controversy from their appearance on Jerry Springer garnered The Mentors some well needed attention.

I must remind the reader that The Mentors got a bit of notoriety from the bullshit they spewed on show, NOT THEIR MUSIC.

NUMBER THREE: AND NOTABLY THE THING THE MENTORS ARE KNOW FOR had nothing to do with the Band or their crappy music. The Mentors lead singer (Hoke had stopped playing drums as well as singing due to his raging alcoholism) was in a 1997 Documentary Film about the death of Nirvana Lead Singer Kurt Cobain called ‘Kurt and Courtney”

The Film dealt with Kurt Cobain’s unfortunate suicide. Many fans believed that the singers death wasn’t a suicide at all, but a homicide staged to look like one. Also many people believed not only was it murder they believed it was a murder for hire where the killer was contracted by no other than Kurt’s wife Courtney Love.

NOW this is were Hoke comes into the story. Hoke had repeatedly made the claim that Courtney Love offered him $25,000 to kill Kurt. The amount changed a bit over time and telling to $50,000 for the murder.

Hoke again made the claim of Love offering him cash to kill her husband Kurt Cobain on camera in the Documentary. Shortly after the filming Hoke was died while walking intoxicated on train tracks where he was hit and killed by a Freight Train.

I’m sure you can see where this going, but for shits and giggles most Mentor fans believe Hoke was murdered. Hoke’s death was officially ruled alternately an Accident and a Suicide by the authorities.

Yet most fans assume Hoke himself was murdered by someone hired by Courtney Love to shut Hoke up once and for all thus feeding into the conspiracy theory within a conspiracy theory. AGAIN THIS HAD NOTHING TO DUE WITH THE BAND’S MUSIC.

I will end this piece with proof that I adhere to the belief that one must give credit where credit is due. I have to give credit here the ONE thing The Mentors did/do thats not dumb as fuck is their idea/concept of wearing Medieval Executioner Masks, thats kind of dope.

All is All though The Mentors are still a Lame Ass Joke.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober

More Musical Mayhem & Madness

By now I think its safe to assume readers might have picked up on my fondness for Unconventional and Unorthodox Bands/Artists.

Some of those said Bands/Artists are:

GG Allin (Who was backed by numerous Bands and in various Bands)

Anul Cunt (Abbreviated AxCx)

Fuck The Facts

The Murder Junkies (The last Band to back GG Allin, BUT they are and always were their own separate entity)

Fuck I’m Dead (Previously Fuck…I’m Dead)

Now a couple of readers have asked if it was a mistake or an oversight that the band The Mentors are not listed, and IT’S NOT. I most definitely left them OFF THE LIST. I digress as the reason I left The Mentors of said list will be an upcoming post.

It has come to My attention that the only one who’s ever been acknowledged here at f-yourblog is GG Allin (Sometimes Pictures with Members or all of The Murder Junkies)

AND SO…..

I have decided the next Band Worthy of Mention is the Heavy Metal Punk Trio from Detroit Michigan.

AND NOW Ladies & Gentlemen I give you None Other than…..

(Which is no real surprise as I’ve peppered posts with Pictures featuring Shitfucker for quite some time now, and honestly thats why their the next to get their own post.)

I picked songs of Shitfucker’s Album “Suck Cocks In Hell” to Showcase Their Lyrical Style..

The 3 songs I picked are:

“Go To Hell”, “Smash Your Skull (Against The Wall)”, and “Demonic Rock”

Enjoy.

“Go To Hell” by Shitfucker:

It’s never too hot for Leather

Unless its too fucking hot

Trapped in the eyes of thy Neighbor

Infernal Mother of Death

She chokes on the smoke of our unholy tokes

Through the hole in her throat

She stares through my window

and stands on my lawn

You can’t understand her

because she speaks in daemonic tongues

Trapped in a glance with the Living Corpse

That lives Next Door

Chorus: Go to Hell, Go to Hell, Go To Hell, Hell, Hell

Play it loud, Play on Ten

Play it so you wake The Dead

I have awakened the Mother of the Reaper

Who has unleashed the Darkness Fever

Through my brain, down the drain

to The Pits with No Name

Where the most rotten pieces of shit

Finally go Insane…Go to Hell

-Chorus-

Uoy Lorthoc I, Me Lortnoc T’Nod Uoy*

(*And I have not a clue wtf that means so don’t bother to ask.)

“Smash Your Skull (Against The Wall)” by Shitfucker:

Masturbate upon the Alter

Unto Sigil Baphomet

Take my cum and energy

to Crush my Enemies

Putrefy the Putrid

The Filth and Walking Shit

Leave them Dead

And Rotting in the Earth

I want to cut and rip my sjin

And watch the blood start to begin

to drip into the cup from which I sip

Imagine your Death and I start to trip

Chorus: Smash Your Skull Against

Smash Your Skull Against The Wall

I collect the pieces of your skull

and scrape the brains right off the bone

I pack them deep into my bowl

Inhale and Reap your fucking Soul

Trample the weak under our chariots of steel

Crush thy Enemy with the Spirit of Metal

Bash the Bastards with the butt end of your sword

Leave him to rot in the humiliation of Himself

I throw this Curse with No Remorse

To the Death of my Enemies I shall rejoice

Smash your skull against the wall

Turn into a Spider

Away I Crawl

-Chorus-

“Demonic Rock” by Shitfucker:

Going to the Show to play out of control daemonic Rock’n Roll

All I need is a Bag of Weed and some Acid please

But we ain’t got no money ain’t got no ride out

But when we arrive it will be time to get

WASTED DAEMONIC ROCK

WASTED THE LAST ONES UP

It swirls magnificently I have held court with The Acid King

I have met The Rainbow Wizard and The Dark Lady

Messaged my bones

Daemonic Rock suck my cock

Detroit Metal Punks we do not give a fuck

Roll up we pull up all of us show up and the Natives throw up

Baldy says no he says we got to go we had to sleep in the Forrest

Fuck your pretty Town we will burn this City down

When we get back to the Wasteland it will be time to get

WASTED DAEMONIC ROCK

WASTED THE LAST DROP

I have seen the Light and its out of Sight

Do you know what its like to be dead it feels Alright!

They are whispering to me Deadly Visions flash constantly

Body Parts scattered amongst my room

Make good decorations for Halloween

Daemonic Rock suck my cock

Detroit Metal Punks We do Not give a Fuck

Fuck You you bet your Motherfucking Ass.

So thats all for now Kiddies.

STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT WHY THE MENTORS SUCK ASTRONOMICAL ASS Coming Up Next Here on f-yourblog

Orchestrated by Les Sober

GG ALLIN Pictorial Installment #3

Again Reader’s have been e-mailing Me additional Pictures of GG Allin for which I sincerely Thank Them ALL for doing.

Here is the latest Set of Pictures I have compiled from the last few months.

The GG Allin Continuum Part 2: Now With Song Lyrics

As some Readers are aware I did a pictorial piece on the Chaotic Life & Infamous Carrier of Underground Hardcore Punk Singer GG Allin. After it posted additional pictures of GG Allin slowly started to trickle in from other Fans. I have already posted a second set of Reader Sent Pictures that was rather lame and uncreative.

This time around I’m going to intertwine the NEW GG ALLIN Pictures with a Song by The Meatmen (who knew GG Personally) I had forgotten about years ago. The Song is a miniature Biographical Tribute, and manages to encompass the entire Life & Career of GG Allin in a nasty little Nutshell.

“Rock’n Roll Enema” By The Meatmen:

For Jesus Christ to set the bar,

To be the Ultimate Scumfuck Superstar,

Left a Big Skid Mark on our Souls!

Called Yourself the Highest Power,

Loved to take a Golden Shower,

Stuck His tiny Dick into our Buttholes!

-He was a Rock’n Roll Enema, Rock’n Roll Enema-

Rockin’ Rollin’ Terrorist,

Head to Toe in Shit’n Piss,

He took it to the Edge and Overboard!

Thought His Schtick it wouldn’t Phase Ya,

Till He committed Coprophagia,

He was the Underworld’s Sick Fuck Overlord!

-He was a Rock’n Roll Enema, Rock’n Roll Enema-

Calling’ me a Goddamn Poseur

Guess what You Fuck your Life is Over

I live to Rage this Cage Another Day

Took it to the Cliff and Over

Suckin’ on Your Brother’s Boner

No Matter how you slice thats Pretty Gay

-He was a Rock’n Roll Enema, Rock’n Roll Enema (x3)-

REST IN FECES GG YOU SMELLY FUCK!!!”

Thanks for Reading/Viewing,

Les Sober

Blood For You: The GG Allin Post Follow Up

As some of our Readers are aware I did a post piece on the infamous Underground Punk Rock Outlaw Scumfuck Musician GG Allin. What separated this post from the handful of other GG commentary is I did it in collage form using Photos. Now this isn’t an easy task as GG pictures can be hard to find (just like his Albums), and though I did a pretty fucking relentless spending months compiling the pictures for the post I apparently (and not surprisingly) missed a few.

Now thanks to a few of our more avid readers some additional GG Allin Photos have been e-mailed in so here they are.

Thanks to All Contributing Readers (and keep them coming as a GG Allin Fan I truly appreciate it a great deal)

Les Sober

Chaos & The 2 Year Career: Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All Part 2

NOTE: Alright Reader from now on I will be using a Time Line to keep this post entertaining and no longer than it needs to be.

Feb. 5th, 1988 “Mad as Hell” Tour ends, and Gar Fisch announces he is leaving the band due to the physical toll that the Stank Breath Years had taken on his body and health. For Example due to Gar’s firecracker anal oriented antics had left Gar with a permanently prolapsed asshole.

Feb. 7th, 1988 Von Dire calls an emergency band meeting, and after several rounds of Tequila Shots and Nitrous Whip Its decided to hire a manager. They settled on Marty Trundle who immediately terminated their contract with RatFuck Records and got them signed to WhoreMonger Records a major International label.

Feb. 9th, 1988 WhoreMonger books Malice on a 6 month Festival Tour across North America and Europe. Malice celebrates with a 72 hour drug binge ending in the band being arrested for Public Intoxication, Public Nudity, and Defecting in Public.

Feb. 13th, 1988 Trundle introduced Dire, Vile, and Rage to Ex-Sleaze guitarist Eddie Sleaze as a possible replacement for Gar Fisch. The band and Sleaze bond over countless beers and lines of Cocaine. Somewhere along the way Sleaze was officially hired as Malice’s replacement guitarist.

Feb. 15th, 1988 Malice hit the road for the start of the “WhoreMonger’s Whores” Tour with their first show in Peoria Illinois at The Mental Metal Festival. The show ended early because the Fire Marshall showed up and informed the Festival Promoter the amount of Pyrotechnics Malice planned to use were considered “A Hazardous Explosive Threat”. The Promotoer facing a massive fine as well as having his entire Festival shut down radioed the Stage Manager and told him to halt any future Pyrotechnics Malice was planning to use. When the Pyrotechnics didn’t go off during the drum solo Von Dire was infuriated beyond belief.

The rest of the band seeing something serious was going down stopped playing mid song. The confused Crowd was left standing in a muddy field wondering why the show they paid for suddenly stopped during the Headliner’s set. Von Dire grabbed the Promoter by the front of his shirt and dragged him on stage to confront him. Vile, Rage, and Sleazy abandoned their instruments as they walked over to see what the fuck the deal was. A now enraged Von Dire is screaming at the top of his lungs about how no bullshit is going to fuck up his show, Malice wanted to be financially compensated for the pyrotechnics not being used, and that the Promoter he was a sniveling, slippery little shit.

Sleaze decided he felt the same as Von Dire about the situation, and did nothing but piss gas on the fire by agitating Von Dire further and further. Rage left the stage pissed off, and not wanting to deal with this shit show so he was going to get shitfaced. Vile managed to get between Von Dire and the Promoter and was struggling to keep the two men apart as now the Promoter was angry as hell about being physically and verbally assaulted by Von Dire. With things utterly out of control Vile punched Von Dire in the balls and handed him off to a Roadie. Before Vile could explain himself (hitting Von Dire in the balls was the only way for anyone to shut him down) was hit over the head with an empty beer bottled wielded by Sleaze.

The Stage crew, Festival Security, and the arrival of the Police combined managed to get things under control, but the Festival would be rescheduled for a later date due to the uproar that tonights show. Von Dire and Sleaze went to jail for Assault and Terroristic Threats, Vile went to the Emergency Room and received 19 stitches, and Rage ended up in the ER as well for Alcohol Poisoning later that night.

Feb. 18th, 1988 Malice plays the Wisconsin “Heavy Metal Massacre” Festival. The show goes well and without incident, but after the show things got pretty fucking crazy. After their set Malice retired to their dressing room for a pre celebration party celebration. They did so much Blow that they effectively snorted themselves into cocaine psychosis, ended up at the air for, barged through a line of people waiting to board their plane, and ended up on a flight to Albany NY. Luckily Trundle made it to the air port before the plane took off, but had to have the pilot to agree to taxi around the runway. This way Trundle argued he could convince the band they in fact had completed their impromptu plane ride.

Feb. 20th, 1988 Malice shows up a day early for Salt Lake City’s “SLC Metal Mayhem” Festival in Utah. Vile went to the Bauhaus Brewery (No relation to the post-punk band Bauhaus) and managed to get kicked out for being too drunk for the brewery tour. Trundle came and picked up the heavily intoxicated Vile and drove him to the Hotel Harrison to sleep it off.

Trundle then received a call that Rage was at The Pink Pussy also drunk off his ass and had jumped up on stage to preform his own strip tease. Though the Police had been called to the scene Trundle managed to convince them to let Rage go with a drunk and disorderly misdemeanor. While Trundle was running around like a mad man trying to keep his clients out of jail, the hospital or the Coroner’s Von Dire and Sleaze took a Ferrari for a test drive and traded it for $10,000 of Crack.

Now with a fat sack filled with high quality Crack Rocks walked to the nearest Shitty Corner Neighborhood Hellhole ran up a $379 tab before the two pulled a Booze-N-Bolt stiffing the elderly bartender who called the Cops. Fueled by a serious supply of Crack Von Dire and Sleaze picked up some $2 Hookers, and got a room at the nearest Flop House Motel (You know the kind where you pay by the hour and no one snitches)

After a STD ridden sexfest Von Dire and Sleazy had literally burned through their Crack Stash opted to inject Adderall into their necks. This is when all of a sudden Trundle burst into the room. He knew where the two were at because he had placed a GPS Tracker in one Vile’s many pieces of jewelry. Trundle had done this because after 12 years in the music business he had learned how to keep track off “High Risk” Talent. Trundle took Von Dire and Sleazy to a local 24 hour Drug Detox Center and had both their systems flushed free off Narcotics.

Feb 20th Malice misses their set at the “SLC Metal Mayhem” Festival due to the band was still recovering from the partying they did the night before. When the Crowd found out Malice was going to be a No Show they began to riot tearing the venue to pieces. In a last ditch effort to end the riot without incident or Police involvement the Festival’s Promoter announced that another fan favorite The Savage Savages would be taking Malice’s spot, and there would be a free meet-N-Greet after the show. This soothed the seething fans who stopped the destruction and celebrated in jubilation. The night ended with no one getting hurt or arrested, it was nothing short of a miracle.

Feb 21st Malice arrive at “Madmen of Metal” Festival in Hoonah Alaska population 740 (571 of which were rabid Malice Fans). The Show was one of Malice’s most notorious they ever preformed. As the band launched into their number one hit “Shit Sandwich” a rouge Penguin waddled on stage. Von Dire being lit as shit on LSD and Mushrooms was completely oblivious, and accidentally kicked the poor Penguin square in the face. What no one knew at the time that the Penguin was in actuality the prized pet of an Inuit Tribal Chief who took it as a gravest of insults. The still oblivious Von Dire instructed Malice to play their unit-authoritarian anthem “Fuck’em All” in response to the angry Inuit barrage. As the Inuits fought security Malice played on further infuriating the already anger Inuits who now where well aware they were being mocked by Malice’s music.

The Inuit’s at last had dispensed of every security guard and ran up on stage, grabbed Von Dire, Sleaze and Vile, tried a rope around their ankles, attached the other end of the rope to awaiting Dog Sleds, and then told the Sled Dogs to Mush dragging the 3 musicians off into the freezing pitch black of the Alaskan night. Von Dire, Vile, and Sleaze where found 8 hours later when the Sled Dogs stopped to take 5. All 3 were treated for frost bite and hypothermia and made a full recovery in a matter of days.

Malice was charged by the State of Alaska for Animal Abuse, Desecrating Sacred Tribal Soil, and Hate Crimes against the indigenous Inuits. None of these law suites was ever settled because Malice Self Destructed before the length court process was complete. To this day no one knows how Rage avoided capture including Rage who was blackout drunk before taking the stage.

Feb 23, 1988 Finally released from the Alaskan Hospital Von Dire, Vile, and Sleaze rejoined Rage and the band departed for the Oregan’s “Masters of Metal” Festival in the town of Ashland. Before the show Sleaze had an altercation with the opening band Pisser’s drummer. Apparently Sleaze was not a fan of Pisser’s music and considered them to be Punk Rock Wannabe’s. Sleaze had spent the day insulting the band, and talking mad shit to anyone who’d listen. Then Sleaze was approached by a reporter for “Heavy Metal Magazine” for a on the spot interview about the Festival Tour thus far, and how the band was handling it. During the interview of course Sleazy used the platform to further insult Pisser claiming their guitarist Ulrich “The Urinal” Upschicker was a shitty Eddie Sleaze imitation. Sleaze went on to further claim Pisser stole Stank Breath’s musical style in a lame attempt to capitalize on Malice’s wild success.

Later that night during Malice’s encore that night Ulrich made an unscheduled and unwanted appearance. Ulrich walked determinately onto the stage waiving a Giant, Double Headed, Neon Pink Dildo, and then walked over to Sleaze. Sleaze who was already striding across the stage to see what the fuck Ulrich was doing dropped his guitar and flipped Ulrich off with both hands. Ulrich then charged at Sleaze wailing the Dildo until he got face to face with Sleaze at which point he Pimp Slapped Sleaze across the face knocking him backwards.

Rage then threw his drum sticks at Ulrich who responded by ducking the drum sticks and laughing manically at Rages attempt to thwart him. Rage then came bolting out from behind his drums like a Bull in a china shop knocking his entire drum kit off the drum stage. Once Rage hit the stage he unceremoniously tripped over part of his drum kit and twisted his ankle sending him crashing down face first through his Bass Drum.

This amused Ulrich who now was being some what restrained by Security to no end, and further facilitating Ulrich’s maniacal Laughing. fit. Sleaze at the same time was distracted from Ulrich because he was busy battling Security to get off of him. Sleaze head butted several Security Guards before breaking free long enough to run across the stage, leap over the heads of the Security Guards surrounding Ulrich, and hit him with one hell of a Haymaker. The Punch hit Ulrich with such force it knocked out Ulrich’s two front teeth. Security consolidated their efforts on Sleaze at that point as Ulrich was distracted now looking for his teeth, and hollering for a Gallon of Milk.

Vile and Von Dire scrambled around avoiding Security as a couple of Roadies managed to retrieve Rage from amid the chaos to the on site EMT Tent. Von Dire spent his time dodging Security to rile the Crowd into a fit of frenzy until the Promoter cut the mic. This didn’t stop Von Dire who continued to scream at the Crowd inciting a violent relation against Pisser and any asshole who would hire them. Vile grabbed a bottle of Whiskey from the side of the stage (and downed the entire bottle) while ducking Security who were desperately trying to end the fight between Sleaze and Ulrich. The Police showed up in full Riot Gear and started using Tear Gas to disperse the unruly Crowd sending Malice fleeing the stage. Malice made it safely (aside from Rage’s self induced sprained ankle) to the waiting tour bus, and Trundle put the peddle to the metal speeding off down the Highway words the next show.

Feb. 26th 1988 Malice had spent the last couple of days on the way to South Dakota’s “Mega Metalfest” Festival in the town of Wall on the phone doing hundreds of interviews with the press in America, Asia, Canada, and Europe. Undoubtedly Malice was dominating the music scene across every medium Televisions, Newspapers, Magazines, and Word of Mouth. By the time Malice pulled into Wall their ego’s were so inflated they cancelled their performance, and announced it was due to the fact they had become too famous to play a town like Wall (whose a year round population of 800.)

Feb 28th 1988 The final day of the Festival Circuit Malice had fired Trundle and were actively looking for new representation. They had also terminated their deal with WhoreMonger and signed instead with Razorback Records who promised they could record their first album immediately. See up to this point though Malice’s success was sizable it was built sold on their live shows, they hadn’t even recorded a single song. That nights show was wild as Malice hit the stage in high spirits and ended up playing 4 encores before showering the audience with $250,000 worth of Champaine (the Band used the entire $250,000 signing bonus with Razorback on the extravagance) Malice spent the rest of the night driving around town partying with everyone who crossed their path.

Stay Tuned for the Next Installment Of Malice The Band Who Almost Killed Us All posting NEXT after this radically surreal piece by SpaceDog.

Thank for Reading,

Les Sober

Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All

This is the 2nd story I wrote working at DFF Magazine in 1991 for their August issue.

Malice isn’t one of those bands that was poised on the threshold of Fame, but never made it to the Big Time. Malice is a band that most people don’t remember and theres a reason for that. You see Malice’s rise to International Fame was extremely rapid. In fact it was so rapid its considered a once in a lifetime phenomenon in the Music Industry. That combined with their Hardcore intensity on and off the stage Malice crammed a full 20 year career of Sex, Drugs and Rock’n Roll into just 2. Malice was the epitome of “Live Fast, Die Young, and Leave a Good Looking Corpse.”

The Story of Malice started in Slaughters Kentucky when Drummer Robbie Rage met Bassist Vic Vile while they both were attending The Gus Hubbard School of the Vocational Arts. Rage was there learning the in and outs of welding while Vile was there learning the fine art of Landscape Maintenance. The two quickly became inseparable friends and decided to start a band together a Black Metal duo called Aborted Faith.

Vile managed to get Aborted Faith a weekly gig on Friday Night’s at Lane’s Lanes a near by neighboring Bowling Ally. The Aborted Faith was going no where fast as playing in a cramped corner of the Bowling Ally Bar hidden behind a heavy cloud of cigarette smoke. Further more the open concept meant the band was constantly drowned out by the continuing Bowlers.

It was at one of these shitty shows when future guitarist Gar Fisch got stupid drunk and wondered over to where the band was playing and started playing along with them on air guitar. After the show Rage and Vile had a brief meeting and then promptly asked Fisch to join the band. Fisch took the guys up on their offer with one exception that they ditch the Black Metal schtick in favor of becoming a Hardcore Punk Band. Rage and Vile agreed to Fisch’s condition and their new band Stank Breath was Born.

Stank Breath went on to build up a local fan base by playing house party’s and by winning every “Battle of the Bands” that they entered. Stank Breath Shows were known be raucously violent fueled by Fisch’s outrageous stage antics (such as shoving high powered fireworks in his ass Actual M-80’s for example and lighting them) catapulted the Band even farther words fame. The only issue the band had was that they all seriously sucked at singing. After a late night of drinking Rage introduced the idea of hiring a singer to which both Gar and Vile agreed. So they put an Ad in a small music magazine, sat back, cracked a beer, lit a joint, and waited. Instead of getting plenty of replies by people who were no better vocalists than the rest of the band, They got no replies at all.

Pissed off and confused Rage and Fisch went on a beer run and outside of the liquor store pan handling was a rather tall and slim man with long greasy hair wearing a leather biker’s jacket. The man asked for spare change as the two exited the store Fisch asked what the man needed money for to which the Man told Fisch he needed the money for Beer and Smokes. On a whim Rage asked the Man if by any chance he could sing worth a damn. As it turned out He could so Rage asked the Man his name and if he would be interested in joining the band. The Man said his name was Von Dire and since he had nothing better to do than beg for beer money he’d be glad to join the band.

It was after Dire’s joining the band in January 1988 that it once again changed their musical style to Heavy Metal and name to Malice. Not long after the switch Malice was killing it at the Minnesota “Battle of the Bad Ass Bands” in when Dire literally bumped into Clive Mangina who was the front man for competing Hair Metal Band known as Rectal Invasion at one of the plentiful Beer and Booze stations. This lead to one of the most heated and out of control Rock’n Roll Rivalries of all time. You see Clive was a snark and bitter little man with a raging Napoleon Complex who took great exception to Dire accidentally staggering drunkly into him in line.

Clive called Fisch a “Drunk Dickhead” and Fisch hauled off and head butted Clive. Clive went down like a ton of bricks with blood pouring out of his now broken nose. At this point the other members of Rectal Invasion saw what was going on and jumped in. Fish undeterred by being out numbered (5 on 1 as Rectal Invasion in addition to 2 guitarists, singer,drummer and bassist had a keyboardist (I told you they were Hair Metal so what did you expect?!) Fisch put up a good fight but ultimately he was overpowered by his 5 advisories. Rage and Vile who were vomiting exited the bathroom and immediately came to their fellow band mates aid. Rage ran around kneeing every member of Rectal Invasion repeatedly n the balls until they vomited. Vile proceeded too break $182.99 of the Bar’s glassware over the various heads of the members of Rectal Invasion.Von Dire broke several chairs across the backs and over the heads of Rectal Invasions members. When inevitably the Police showed up with Billy Clubs a blazing everyone scattered like roaches when the light is turned on.

In spite of the brawl Malice went on to win the Minnesota’s “Battle of the Bad Ass Bands” and just their luck Jerry Jerkin the owner of a local Record label was in the audience. Jerkin fell head over heels for the Band and enthusiastically signed them to a 3 record deal on his label RatFuck Records. Now RatFuck Records was home of other small time bands such as The Young Cocksmen, Guttural, and Spit Shine. Right away Jerkin booked them on a 10 show tour opening for fellow label members The Salty Yogurt Slingers. The “Mad As Hell” tour was set to hit the road just 2 days after Malice signed their contracts, but that was no problem for Malice. The entire band had been couch surfing at friends places and owned next to nothing.

The “Mad as Hell” tour went so well that Jerkins called up The Salty Yogurt Slingers and told them that they would now be opening for Malice since Malice was a bigger draw at this point. The Salty Yogurt Slingers responded by quoting the tour on the spot under great protest. Malice went on to finish the second half of the tour on with another RatFuck Records band Grind Spine. Malice built a huge following and was expanding their fan base faster than a Crackhead at an all you can smoke Crack Buffet. By the time Malice ended the tour (in the first week of February) they had racked up a slew of business cards from much larger record label reps.

Stay Tuned For Malice Part 2 Posting Next…..

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober