Non Fiction – Page 22

Befuddled By The Bartender

Last night I went to my favorite dive bar which is a dark, smoke filled,tiny hole in the wall filled with all kinds of characters. This makes it my favorite place not only to drink with friends but to people watch as well. The bartender working last night is far from my favorite because she is too fucking odd to live (so you never know wtf your walking into) so best to stay off the radar as they say. Last night she was aggravated because for once it was almost a busy night. The first bizarre interaction was when I went up to the bar to get another beer at which point the bartender said and I quote “You drink too fast.” First off I wasn’t drinking any sort of cocktail as I said I was drinking bottled beer so all the bartender had to do was reach in a cooler, grab a beer, open it and serve it (how fucking easy is that?!) Also I couldn’t help thinking well if I drink fast then I drink a good bit before I leave and I tip putting money in the bartenders pocket. Let me take a second to explain the tip deal. This dive bar is also a private club were the patrons pay annul dues of a whole whopping $20 (sarcasm abounds) thusly they believe that they’re absolved from tipping ever. I’ve frequented this bar for 7 plus years and only saw 2 other people in all that time actually tip and they were newbies.

Fast forward a few hours during which time the people who had to work the next day leave followed by the elderly patrons and then by the heavy drinkers/alcoholics leaving only a handful of lingering local barflies. Now at this point in the evening I had switched from beer to Rum&Coke of which I drank 3 before ordering my final drink of the evening (which is a double Rum&Coke) and this led to an even more absurd interaction between the bartender and myself. I went ahead and ordered my double Rum&Coke. What happen next I don’t understand at all as not only do I tip but I wasn’t bitching about her drinks being weak nor in anyway talking shit to the bartender (i.e. giving her a hard time) With that said the bartender walks over to the bar, grabs a 8oz glass and proceeded to leisurely pour 7oz of rum into the glass and then stopped. She then turns her head to look at me and asked angrily “Is this OK?!” as if we were having some sort of altercation and now I’m stuck with a pissed off belligerent bartender. The bartender then tops of the glass with a slash of coke, walks it over to where I was sitting at the bar and again gets in my face like we’re involved in a non existent disagreement. This time she places the drink in front of me then leans over the bar and asks me snidely “Does THAT make you happy?” and I simply said “Yes” and that was that.

Somethings Smells Fishy In Bejing

Ever wonder why it is that our electronic loves like smart phones, laptops,tablets etc. all come from China, but the Chinese government established insanely high prices for such devices (to the point unless your the asian equivalent of Bill Gates your shit out of luck)) insuring the general population will never own any of them. Doesn’t that seem oddly hypocritical? China exports an endless stream of electronics T.V.s, PCs etc. to America while at the same time making sure their citizens can’t access any of it?

The answer to me seems utterly obvious the Chinese know that electronic devices are extremely detrimental to the all over well being of their populous. The combination of social media, games and apps represent a very real threat, they are all key components in a technology that can quickly rise to epidemic levels and lay waste to a entire society. These devices provide a symbiotic system all of which has detrimental effects upon the people who indulge in them. We all have at this point heard the negative side effects on health and how users isolate so I’m not going to beat that dead horse, but I will take a second to say that its so modern American to acknowledge a problem and then do fuck all about it (accept perhaps to complain about it hoping some one will fix it) The big pictures bottom line is these devices affect the user so profoundly that they believe they can’t live without them or being on them constantly like a crackhead on a bender. They also distract people from the real world and real world issues as they suck the user into an abyss of escapism 24/7 365 non stop. The worst consequence of Americas addiction to all electronic devices and the social media they provide is IT MAKES YOU A FUCKING MORON. People just up and stop learning, thinking and questioning the world for themselves and devolve into a passive,mindless, vacant people devoid of individual personality and independent thought. The American public has been reduced to human cattle which the government loves, cattle doesn’t think doesn’t question they just do as their told. If this isn’t true explain how the hell Donald Trump managed to enter the presidential election?

Time to Criticize the Critics

Heres my question if they say art is subjective then why in the name of all things absurd do we need critics, and moreover why do people listen to these parasitical morons? Now ALL art is subjective its not limited to just painting/drawing its all inclusive painting,sculpture,writing,drawing,performance art etc. Now subjective means its up to the viewer/reader to determine for themselves what the said meaning of the piece is or was which means people may or may not agree. The question then becomes why do people believe what critics say, its just their fucking idea(s) so why not just formulate your own idea(s) Just because some critic thinks its good or bad is utterly indifferent because unless your thoughts are previously tainted by the influence of a review(s) chances are you wouldn’t agree. Thats what a critic really is just an over opinionated and some what egotistical person who believes their ideas/opinions are absolutely the end all be all on a said subject. To blindly comply to the point you think the critic is so invaluable that you believe what they say instead of finding out what you really think on your own.

“Hack My Network and Die” the T-shirt incident

There was a period of time in my life where I relished randomness. One way I indulged was going to thrift stores and buying t-shirts that ranged from mundane to what the fuck? One such shirt was for a tech security company whose slogan “hack my network and die” across the chest. I was wearing said shirt yesterday when I went to pick up some grocery odds and ends and as I was getting into my car some random ass stranger woman asked my “If I hack your network you’ll murder me?” to which I replied “I believe I would be obligated to murder you, but I would sincerely apologize before I did.” then I shut the door and drove off leaving this woman standing even more confused then before in the parking lot. I live for shit like this.

Why Does Anyone Give A Shit About Tyler Perry??!

I for the life of me can’t figure how the hell Tyler Perry (whose initials match with the initials for toilet paper ironically) has made a career out of writing comedy/dramas for television and film. Perry is nothing more than a talentless hack. His tv shows where such blandly generic photocopies of old school, out dated cliche ( late 80’s early 90’s ) mass produced sappy family sitcom fodder. Perry’s writing is so lack luster that in spite of having multiple shows (for a while in the dying years of the WB network 90% of it shows where done by Tyler Perry) I honestly, even after trying like hell can’t remember the single name even one of his shows. I have the same issue/problem when it comes to his movies which are exactly the same poorly written, over acted and dick in any way of direction, they’re just longer versions of his talentless tv shows with the same rehashed plot lines and generic characters. Perry seems utterly devoid of even a scrap of originality, he’d be better off writing mindless ads.

Obviously I have to address Perry’s biggest fucking claim to fame, the Madea movie franchise and even that is completely vacant of any original thought(s) or creativity. As far as I’m concerned the Madea movies are Tyler Perry’s answer to the crappy Ernest movies (i.e. Ernest Goes To Camp/Saves Christmas) I could tell you every plot of every goddamn motherfucking Madea movie ever made: Holy shit not tired of Perry in drag too bad, Madea has a loving family and friendly fucking neighbors, but hijinks in sue and then they issue is resolved as everyone learns a valuable life lesson that brings them even closer. The themes are interchangeable be it Madea Saves Christmas (where the fuck is Ernest I ask) or Diary of a Mad Black Woman (The 1st Madea movie made) it doesn’t fucking matter because they all follow the same tired format.

Bottom Line: Tyler Perry The Man, The Myth, THE MORON.

Vegetarians Vs. Vegans

I have no issue with vegetarians there like the Buddhists of the food world. That is they do their vegetarian deal, you can do whatever you want and everyone eats in peace.

Vegans are a totally different fucking story thats for sure. I absolutely hate the hell out of fucking vegans because they’re the Christians of the food world. That is they feel some ungodly reason to shove their way of eating in your face as they rant like fucking Adolf Hitler on meth about how their way is so much better for you. But thats not all they also feel compelled to lecture arrogantly with a false sense of superiority about how everything you are eating (and every other person on earth) is toxic and slowly killing you. The food you eat (according to them)is killing us by clogging up your colon until the shit literally causes toxic shock syndrome rotting your internal organs, and is compacting in the valves of your heart causing an inevitable shit induced heart attack.

Bottom line: Thank you vegetarians for not being persistent food/diet neo nazi assholes about our dietary differences. Vegans go eat a steak you emaciated, sunken eyed, grey skinned and egotistical assholes.

Right To Unrestricted Research

S.683-114th Congress

(2015-2016)

To extend the principle of federalism to State drug policy, provide access to medical marijuana, AND ENABLE RESEARCH into the MEDICINAL PROPERTIES of Marijuana.

Section 708 (21 U.S.C.903) (b) amended

“(b) COMPLIANCE WITH STATE LAW.-Notwithstanding any other provision of law, the provisions of this title relating to marijuana shall not apply to any person acting in compliance with State law relating to the production, possession, distribution, dispensation, administration, LABORATORY TESTING, or delivery of medical marijuana.”

Hats off to Viceland

Viceland is a new fledgling television network who’s headquarters are in Brooklynn N.Y. and I have to say good fucking job Vineland. The intelligent documentary style shows are brilliant be it Weediquette, Vine Essentials, Gaycation, F*Thats good, Balls Deep or Noisey and more.

Its about goddamn time someone put out shows that make you actually think about shit instead of sitting on your couch zoned out on Xanax playing Flappy Candy Bird Crunch 12 or some other mind numbing crap.

Viceland is the glimmer of hope (which lets fucking face could be all we have) in the mass produced, cookie cutter ,reality, and competition bullshit. It serves nothing more than being blatant exploitation and IQ lowering trivial mundane mental fluff in the TV Sea of Endless Vacant minds and vacant thoughts.

Thank fucking christ for Viceland, we need infinitely more like you.

Definition of Bottle Club

Bottle Club: A private drinking club; specifically, an association of people, often unknown to one another, for the sole purpose of providing themselves with liquor and a place to drink it after the legal closing hours of public bars or in a city or county where the public sale of alcoholic beverages is prohibited.

Side Note:

Bottle-Man: A drunkard or habitual drinker

Gullah Supernatural Tradition

If your ever in Charleston South Carolina do yourself a favor and as you travel around the city, look at the porch (top and bottom) and you will see a pattern quickly emerging. Predominately the underside of the porch ceilings are painted a light blue reminiscent of the sky on a clear summers morning, BUT WHY???

Charleston was influenced greatly by the Gullah culture brought to the city through the slavery trade. In Gullah culture there is a superstition/belief that at under the dark cloak of night when man is most vulnerable as he sleeps vile and villainous spirits (christian minded people would call them demons, while others might see the spirits as ghosts) lurk luridly looking for human victims. Now the Gullah people devised a extremely simple and effective approach to warding off these nightly terrors, they just painted the undersides of all porches of the house with light sky blue paint.

The reason was a simple as the remedy, see with the porch ceilings being sky blue any evil entity who set foot on said porch would look up and see the sky blue paint. The paint was intended to fool the malevolent monsters into thinking it was day time and thusly they couldn’t harm the occupants of the house as during the day the spiteful spirits must remain trapped in the after life.