Let’s fucking face it Internet Challenges are absolutely Stupid. Back in My younger days we did dumb shit, but it was Vandalizing shit with Spray Paint, Smoking a little Pot, Drinking a few Underage Beers, or some outlandish SkateBoard Trick Stunt.
We didn’t sit in front of a screen filming Ourselves Eating fucking Tide Pods, Dousing Ourselves in Flammable Fluid, Jumping out of Moving Cars to Dance next to Them, or any of the moronic shit that Kids are doing these days to Go Viral (the Overnight Ticket to Fame and Fortune that requires No Actual Work, Effort, Intelligence or Skill to Accomplish. Just act like an Idiot and get other Idiots to watch that’s all there is to it.
Internet Challenges are Providing the Path to the De-evolution of the Human fucking Race. These Challenges aren’t just ridiculously Dumb they are in reality making Your Children DUMBER by the Day. If a Teen is watching these Viral YouTurd Videos, and decides to participate in one (with No Sense of Self Preservation or Personal Safety) than Your Child has Officially become a Social Media Lemming. Congratulations Kill Yourself.
So After reading about Viral Videos of Internet Challenges and all the Assholes and Idiots who blindly follow this insanely Ignorant Trend wrote some of My Own Sarcastically out of growing Frustration. Society is Sliding Headlong into the Shitter.
WARNING: IF YOUR NOT READING THIS THEN ITS DEFINITELY WRITTEN FOR YOU!!!
DO NOT TRY OR ATTEMPT TO RECREATE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING FAKE CHALLENGES!!!
YOU WILL GET HURT!!!
YOU COULD END UP PERMANENTLY DISABLED/DISFIGURED!!!
YOU COULD FUCKING DIE!!!
AND SINCE THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE THESE CHALLENGES DISREGARD THEIR OWN SAFETY TO BEGIN WITH AT LEAST CONSIDER THIS BEFORE DOING OR TRYING ANYTHING:
IT WON’T GO VIRAL, NONE OF THESE ARE REAL CHALLENGES, YOU WILL NOT GET CREDIT, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, OR ATTENTION. YOU WILL JUST FUCK YOURSELF OVER.
AGAIN FOR THOSE NOT PAYING ATTENTION WHEN THEY DAMN WELL SHOULD, DO NOT TRY OR ATTEMPT ANY OF THIS DANGEROUS/DEADLY FAKE CHALLENGE BULLSHIT POSTED HERE.
THE POINT IS SHIT LIKE INTERNET CHALLENGES ARE DANGEROUS AND FUCKING DUMB, JUST DON’T TRY ANY PERIOD.
Internet Challenges for The Asinine to The Insane:
The Vlad Challenge: Named after Vlad The Impaler. Get a 9′-12′ (foot ) Large Wooden Pole with a Circumference of 10″-12″(Inches). Then fashion on end of Pole into a Sharp Point. Now have Several of Your good Friends grab the Blunt end of the Pole. Position the Point directly at the center of asshole. Have Friends ram Pole as far as They can up Your ass. Once that is done have Your Friends Hoist You up into a 90 degree angle while securing the base of the Pole in a Freshly dug Post Hole. Once everything is done and in place have Your Friends Take and Circulate (on Social Media) a Photo with the Hashtag #Dracula.
The Shitway Sandwich Challenge: Get a Foot Long Sandwich Bun. Slice and hold Open. Place a 12 Inch Turd on/in Sandwich Roll. See How Much You can Eat before realizing Your Eating a SHIT SANDWICH! 
Boozy Butt Chug Challenge: Get 1 Beer Funnel, 1 750ml Bottle of the Liquor of Your choice, and Lube which is Optional. Assume Your Butt Chug stance and insert End of Funnel into Rectum. Slowly Pour Liquor into Funnel. Extremest Credit for “Making It a Double” which is Butt Chugging Two 750ml Liquor Bottles worth of Alcohol with Your Ass.
The Golden Shower Challenge: Locate Someone. Pee on Them. Bonus Points for Peeing Beginning to End.
The Fisting Your FartBox Challenge: Get a Your choice of Lube. Make a Fist. Heavily Coat Fist and Forearm down to the Elbow. Insert Fist into Your own Ass. Double Points for Double Fisting. Extremely Credit for preforming Said Challenge Dry (Lose The Lube).
I Eat Cock Challenge: Buy a Dildo and decorate by glueing Chicken Feathers, Fake Feet, Beak, Googly Eye, and Cock’s Comb (The fleshing strip of skin on a Rooster’s Head) to the Dildo. Now Eat from Tip to Testis (Testicles) or as Much as You possibly can. WARNING EATING A DILDO DRESSED AS A ROOSTER PRESENTS A VERY SERIOUS AND REAL GAGGING ISSUE.
The Thumbtack Challenge: Acquire Standard Size Trampoline and Cover with Thumb Tacks until You can’t see the top of the Trampoline. Bounce on Trampoline for 15 minutes non stop. Count Number of Thumbtacks You pull Out of Your Body. Video with Highest Number Wins!
The 101 Challenge: This one is Simple. Film Yourself punching Yourself as Hard as You can in the Crotch 101 times. This Challenge is applicable to BOTH Men & Women. Don’t want to be Sexist.
The MUNG Challenge: This one Takes BALLS and is only for the most HARDCORE Challenge Taker. At Midnight go to Grave Yard with Shovel, a Pocket Knife, and a Friend. Dig Up a Corpse thats at Least 6 months to a Year Old. Place Your mouth over the Corpse’s Mouth (You may have to cut some Stitching holding the Corpses’s Mouth Shut) like Your performing CPR. Now have Friend back up from the Bodie about 20-25 yards or so. Next have Your Friends run as fast as They can towards the Corpse, and then once They have reached it Jump directly onto its Abdomen. Eat/Swallow/Ingest the Contents that are expelled from the Corpse’s Mouth. Then Say “MMM Tastes like Chicken!”
The Purple Nurple Zoo Challenge: Go to Nearest Zoo. Select Animal and enter its Enclosure. Once inside locate said Animal give it a Two Handed Purple Nurple. More Points the Bigger and More Dangerous the Animal.
The Fire Crotch Challenge: Using any method You like entirely Shave You Genitals using ONLY FIRE. You can use a Lighter, Match, Blowtorch, Hovering over a Camp Fire whatever works.
The CooCoo’s Nest Challenge: Get Yourself committed to a Mental Institution for the Criminally Insane (WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE OR YOURSELF IN ANY WAY & WITHOUT BREAKING THE LAW!), and then Get Yourself Released by being Certified “Sane”.
Don’t Drop The Soap Challenge: Get Arrested for either Public Drunkenness, Public Urination, or Disturbing the Peace (NOTHING VIOLENT & NO FELONIES BOTH ARE GROUNDS FOR DISQUALIFICATION) Then go take a Shower in the Jail’s Communal Shower. Once there are at least 3-5 Other inmates in the Shower with You drop the Soap, and Bend Over to pick It Up. Whoever avoids being Raped Wins.
Montezuma’s Revenge Challenge: Get The Hottest Hot Sauce You can Find Legally. Buy Enema Kit. Go Home and Load Enema with HotSauce and Administer. Points Graded upon Hot Sauce’s Scoville Scale (used to Gauge Potency of Peppers based on concentration of Capsaicin)
The Cheek to Cheek Challenge: Twerk with a Willing Person’s Face planted firmly between Your Ass Cheeks. The Longest Twerk Routine Wins. Extra Points if You Leave Skid Marks on The Persons Face.
Brushing Your Teeth Challenge: Use Any and All Abrasive Item(s) to Brush Your Teeth like a Wire Brush, Grill Scraper, Flat Cheese Grater, Belt Sander etc. Additional Score for Flossing the Same Way say with Piano Wire, Razor Wire, Barbed Wire, Piece of a Shredded Beer Can etc. THE BLOODIER THE BETTER.
The Bear Hug Challenge: Buy 15-20 Steaks from Grocery Store, 15-20 Carabiners, and a Length of Chain long enough to fashion a large necklace style Loop (Think Flavor Flav). Next stick a a Steak onto each Carabiner and then attached Carabiner to Chain Necklace. Go Out into the Wild (NO CHEATING BY GOING TO ZOO OR CIRCUS) and find the Biggest Bear You can. Once You have Spotted the Bear run up to it and give it the Biggest Bear Hug You Can. Whoever of those who don’t DIE the winner will be decided based on the number of remaining Steaks attached to the Participants Chain Necklace.
The Guiser Challenge: First find an actual functioning Guiser. Then sit down on top of said Guiser, and wait for it to Erupt. When it Erupts as You going flying 100’s of feet through the Air Say “I Can See My House From Here!” Grand Champion Crown for Anyone who pulls this Challenge off using Old Faithful.
The Toxic Shock Challenge: Buy a Box of Assorted Tampons(Women AND MEN again No Sexism Here all Punters can Play). Select the Heavy Flow Tampons from the Pack. Insert Tampon in Vagina or Ass if You’re a Man then Add One (without removing any previously inserted Tampons) each following Day for a Month. If You can without getting Sick You Win.
Roadkill Tartare Challenge: Find a FRESH piece of Roadkill Animal Carcass of Your Choice. Cut a Big Enough Piece to Be fashioned into a Large Hamburger Patty. Go Home, form Roadkill Meat into Burger (best way is to Grind It or just take it for a spin in the Blender), and Film Yourself Eating It. Whoever has the HIGHEST PARASITE COUNT AT THE END OF THE CHALLENGE IS THE CHAMP.
So thats all I have for Now, but You’ll more than likely see Another Similar Post with more STUPID FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA STUNTS VERY SOON.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober