We all need to learn to let go at some time or another. We first learn to let go of our mother’s hand on the first day of school. We learn to let go of old pets who die, sometimes at very young ages. Or learn to let go of friends.
My friend just died. He wasn’t particularly close to me for many years but everyone we were close to at some point or another still holds somewhat of a space. Even if we haven’t been to that part of our mind or heart for a very long time.
But some of the hardest things to let go are not people. They are not pets and they are not letting go of other people’s hands. It is letting go of the very things in our own characters that hold us back. It is hard not to lean on these crutches in times of boredom, in times of anxiety, in times of doubt. But we all go back eventually to something that may hold us back.
While it is holding you back though, you may not even realize. Who the heck realizes that a bad hobby or a bad friend or a bad partner is bad until after it is over and you think to yourself what the hell was i thinking…. Unless it is something obvious like drugs or alcohol, well even that may not be obvious to some. It is certainly becoming obvious to me.
If you look at yourself thinking what the hell am I doing, then you need to be doing something else. I wonder that frequently with some of my actions and some of my inactions. Once you start having to build a web of lies around yourself in order to keep out some of the lesser desired elements of yourself or of your past then well it is not right.
So I sit here writing, my body is in 2020 and my mind is in the spring of 2010 picking flowers and my heart is somewhere floating around in 1997 wondering if maybe we could all meet someday for lunch. Frankly I would prefer fish and chips but I already have a party of three booked for fish and chips so my level 2000 body parts will have to come up with something more creative.
So as I embark on my soon to be new set of eyes, well Lasik surgery, I wish that the new eyes could somehow bring me a new me. I mean it will be a new me, I will be able to see at night and live the night like I never was able to before. And I am so excited.
I’m up all the time at night anyway, this will just be a rather much needed addition. I really haven’t know for about five or ten years whether my lack of going out at night relates to my getting old and boring or the fact I get blinded by other drivers past 7pm. Again I’m ready for cartwheels.
Even though all my body parts and organs may not be in the same kind of place, I see something no one else sees inside of me. Hopefully my new eyes give me another kick in the ass in a world full of fat asses with no kick left in them. That is far more important then ever having my heart, body, and mind in the same room for a cup of tea.
By SpaceDog