Social Media has been a crucial tool since its creation that has Contributed to the Ever Growing Societies’s Egotistical Idiocy. Tech has/had unlimited potential, But People became Addicted to Social Media and its False Sense of Importance. People actually think ANYONE gives a flying fuck what They had for Lunch?! Yet People Post Pictures of Their Lunch likes its the most Awe Inspiring Event of Their fucking Lives.
The One Aspect in the Social Media’s Dumbing Down of America that’s Never Mentioned is the Personal “Status Updates” that People love to Use like there’s No Tomorrow (Facebook being the Number one Offender). You know what I’m talking about it’s those Pre Written Idle Bullshit like “Linda is Loving Life”, “Matt is at Starbucks”, or “Phil changed His Relationship Status to It’s Complicated.” that Users have come to Rely on.
Again Who fucking Cares How You Feel every Minute of the Goddamn Day?! You’re Not Nearly That Special. That’s the trick of Social Media it makes You feel far more Important than You actually Ever will be in all likelihood.
It’s the Utter Distain and Unfathomable Contempt for such Social Media Drivel is the Reason I have created a New (More Honest and Way More Realistic) List Status Updates. Enjoy.
- Barry is Currently having Wild Sex with a Goat.
- Louis is Busy Cooking Meth
- Chuck is watching Hardcore German Porn.
- Dave has Explosive Diarrhea.
- Warren is Donating Sperm Again.
- Linda is Hungover as Hell and Projectile Vomiting.
- Francis is Window Shopping on Amazon like an Asshole.
- Quinn is Writing Erotic Stories about a Nun and an Alter Boy.
- Rex is considering a Career as a Urologist.
- Aron is a Closet Nazi.
- Gill is Bidding on an Antique Chastity Belt on eBay.
- Luke is Ordering a Mail Order Bride from Croatia.
- Marry is Doomsday Prepping for the Apocalypse.
- Richard is Googling How to Preform an At Home Prostate Exam.
- Will is Surfing the Dark Web for a Hitman.
- Jerry is Busy Manscaping.
- Blair is having a Heavy Flow Day.
- Arnold Believes Pimping Ain’t Easy.
- Kelly just woke up in a Pool of Her Own Vomit.
- Zelda is Wondering Why Animal Assholes and the Opening is Soda Lids look the Same.
- Brittany just tried Anal Sex for the First Time.
- Valerie is Waxing Everything.
- Billy is Ordering Asian Sex Toys Online.
- Beth is Considering getting into Porn.
- Shelby is Eating a Shit Sandwich.
- Florence is working on Her New Fuzzy Costume for The Furry Ball.
- Steve is Tripping Balls on Some Insane Blotter Acid.
- Francine is Getting Furiously Finger Fucked.
- Larry is imagining what it’s like to Titty Fuck Bob’s Man Boobs.
- Rick just made an Appointment to get His Taint Tattooed.=
- Carl can’t Handle is Booze.
- Scott Tried Smoking Crack and Loved it.
- Alice took a Massive Shit and is Looking at it Now.
- Nick is Writing Shit on a Bathroom Wall.
- Gill is refilling His Prescription for Viagra at The Pharmacy.
- Travis is making All Natural Hand Made Tampons for His Wife.
- Racheal is Learning How to Taxidermy and Practicing on Roadkill.
- Sam is practicing making Balloon Animals Using His Dick.
- Zander Enjoys Hot Sauce Enemas.
- Albert is a Colonicholic.
- Alice is starting a Flea Circus due to a Vaudeville Fetish.
- Blair Farted and it smells like She Needs a Proctologist.
- Stan just Shit Himself standing in Line at a Fast Food Restaurant.
- Ralph is Thinking of Purchasing a High End Sex Doll for Christmas.
- Stella is Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor behind WaWa.
- Freddy is Attending a Family Reunion Where He’s the Creepy Uncle.
- Stacy still Wets the Bed Weekly.
- Benny was Banging an Inflatable Sex Doll and it Exploded Blowing off Both His Balls.
- Nina is becoming Sexually Aroused watching Animals have Sex in a Nature Documentary.
- Walt is Listening to Anal Cunt’s Greatest Hits.
- Trent is Reading the Current Copy of Guns & Ammo at His Grandmother’s Funeral
- Tiffany is Coated Head to Toe in KY Jelly.
- Robbie is Wondering if Sex with a 3rd Cousin Removed Constitutes Incest.
- Ken is Hiring a Prostitute.
- Karen is Scoring Drugs Right Now in a Shitty Neighborhood.
- Eddie is on Psychedelics and Hiding from a Plate of French Fries.
- Bart just lost a Staring Contest with a Bowl of Oatmeal.
- Dominic is Sucking off the Band Hanson Backstage.
- Annie is Considering getting into Fisting.
- Paula is having Sex in a Coffin to see if Necrophilia is for Her.
- Vivian is Popping Pain Killers and Downing Them with Whiskey.
- Holly is Polishing Her Nipple Clamp Collection.
- Herbert is a German Cannibal.
- Taylor is paying for Collage with the Money He made in Porn as a Stunt Cock.
- Ryan is Measuring His Dick.
- Stewart is trying to Figure Out if occasionally peeking at Another Man’s Pecker at the Urinal makes Him Gay.
- Tiffany is Bleaching Her Asshole because She’s about to get Back into the Dating World.
- Gary is Cat fishing His Sister.
- Olga Thinks Hand Jobs are Outdated.
- Jillian has a Habit of Humping the Homeless.
- Bart got His Dick Stuck in a Swedish Penis Pump.
- Becky thinks Lindsey Her Best Friend is kinda of a Cunt.
- Eloise is on the Way to the Emergency Room with a Ruptured Breast Implant.
- Diana has a Surgically Reconstructed Asshole.
- Ari is getting Botox Treatments for His Scrotum Wrinkles.
- Peter is walking His Dog and Watching as it Takes a Shit.
- Deloris just crapped so Hard She Prolapsed Her Asshole.
- Sue is Sniffing Glue getting a White Trash High.
- Dale is making Wind Chimes out of Natty Ice Cans to Sell in the Local Trailer Parks.
- Gabby Ate Her Inner Child.
- Henry is Growing Shitty Ditch Weed in His Attic.
- Donovan is in Reddit Chats while Wearing His Grandmother’s Underwear.
- Jake shot a Man just to Watch Him Die, But Got Distracted and Missed it.
- Reese got His Dick Stuck in a Chinese Finger Trap He won at the County Fair.
- Lucy is in Love with an Alcoholic Carnie that reminds Her of Her Dad.
- Reggie is walking around is House looking for Things He can Use to Improvise a Cock Ring.
- Selma had Her Stomach Pumped just for the Experience.
- Trina is Reading About Historic Safe Sex Methods/Practices.
- Brittany is having Her 17th Abortion.
- Oliver May Have Been Abducted by Aliens and Extensively Anal Probed.
Thanks For Reading,
By Les Sober
(Posted @ 1:37am)