I honestly have to say today was the toughest test on my sobriety in months. Despite no cravings. It gets weirder. I woke up feeling great, had some nice scrambled eggs for breakfast and had a good odd hour (odd hour being 3amish) chat with Les Sober.
Then all shit hit the fan. Mainly because I was trying to be a nice guy I decided to buy vitamins from my new doctors office to sorta show appreciation plus I wanted to take in the scenery on the drive to New Hope. It’s very wooded and hilly and quiet in Pennsylvania besides the cities.
So I took these digestzymes. One pill. Now I’ve been clean from alcohol about 10 months and heroin 18-19 years but I’m not big on dates, I’m bigger on burying the dead corpses of past behaviors I despise. My sobriety method is I feel if I turn around and reflect I will turn into a grain of salt like Lot’s wife in the bible. Anyway I’m glad I’m not a time traveller because honestly I would have travelled back with a shot of whiskey or rum and said don’t take that have this. But since I’m not a time traveller I did take the pill.
I happened to get a bit tired but didn’t think much of it. I threw a little cheese in my egg but even the slightest bit of cheese can make me fall asleep for 10-20 minutes. Woke up heart racing 30 minutes later.
This lasted for about 90 minutes or so and either ended by a few black olives or deep breathing. Probably the olives…. like I was never into martinis or booze with things on the rim, except margaritas. I always think it’s not fair there’s no salted non alcoholic drinks. Even if there were I’m milk, coffee, non tap water or die of thrist.
Anyway ended up calling this woman at the vitamin company who allegedly never heard of such a thing. I was too sick to call her out on her lie but you know what? Let’s just say the FDA is coming for her soon.
Nowhere on the actual bottle was there anything about papaya. Yet on some random literature that came with the bottle it was mentioned as part of their proprietary blend. It’s my fault I took the pill and didn’t ask more questions orginally. However I did find from my mother that papaya was the only food that made her throw up while pregnant was papaya of course.
It’s just hard for me to ask questions of others. I ramble on like a freight train. My ADHD doesn’t really allow me to focus on much and I try to read 8 books at once, all the while trying to learn chemistry, biology, chronobiology, nutrition, psychology literally 3 minutes at a time. I try and help others, not because I want to but feel it is almost my burden or calling.
I mean there is so so much I have to be grateful for. My family, my roof, ability to afford my WOE (way of eating) and a handful of really great friends.
I also have my instincts. (Except with sexy men but that’s too much ramble for one blog )
Honestly my first instinct was to not take this particular enzyme and return it when I saw papaya. This has also been my instinct for over 20 years when it comes to drinking. Honestly the only day it was my first instinct to drink in 20 years was the Eagles Super Bowl parade. I guess this is why I can’t stand AA with people constantly telling me my brain is broke or sloganing me to death. No asshole, honestly I’ve legit been drinking for digestive issues for nearly 25 years.
I’m just so glad the cravings only lasted for those 90 gut wrenching minutes. And completely disappeared afterwards. It may sound silly but 3 black olives sent me back to Earth. It’s a shame I can’t plant an olive tree in New Jersey.