f-your blog

The News Hasn’t Happened Yet #3: UP

With all of the Chaotic Bullshit in the Mass Media and Social Media with Lies, Misinformation, and just Plain Fake News getting Accurate Information has become Increasingly Hard to Find.

So We decided Everyone needed a Break from the Psychotic News Cycle, and Here is Some News We All Can Enjoy. This is The News Hasn’t Happened Yet #3: UP by One of Our Absolute Favorite Animators of All Time Mr. David Firth.

For those of You Who do Not Know or May Not Be Aware David Firth is an English Animator, Director, Writer, Musician, Actor, Voice Actor, Video Artist, and Broadcaster of Whom We are a Big Fan of Here at FYB. Several of Firth’s works in Flash Animation, along with Multiple Music Videos and Works of Video Art, have Garnered a Large Followings.

Enjoy.

David Firth in His Own Words:

“Trying to make sense of the news. Hello my name is David Firth The news won’t happen. The rotting newscorpse. We make the news. he news exploded. Big bits in a bag of newspiss. Bits of buggery newsy shit that nobody news about. When no one news. No one could nevernews spilling the news it’s a factbomb or truthbomb not lying news newsergate newsbomb often called the dogsmack news witnessing the great news crash clickbait cracknews makes a stink news from the dogpipe. Nothing is happening anywhere ever. There is no news. The news hasn’t happened yet. The news didn’t happen, did it? The news won’t happen, but you’ll forget about old news that never happened as the promise of new news will replace it. Exploding newspiss. This was just my thought process for the title. I thought I’d leave it here. Otherwise it’s just a hidden compost heap in a file on my PC that will never again be accessed.” -David Firth-

The News Hasn’t Happened Yet #3 : UP Headlines:

The Debate Over if a Pigeon Flew into the International Space Station.
Experts Claim Everything is Perfect.
3 New Brand New Species of Bird Found on The Moon!
Does the Moon in fact Even Exist, and if Not What about the Birds?
Are Birds just Tiny Dragons?
Is Life actual an Illusion?
Inter-dimensional Space Rabbits!
UP gets Banned!
Is Space a Hoax?
The Dispute over the Existence of the International Space Station.
Are People Being Brainwashed?
Space Lizards!
What exactly is UP?
Are People Happier or more Depressed than Before?
Where Can We Find Space?

Enjoy. (Music By Locust Toy Box)

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

The Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared Pilot

Hello to All of You Out There I hope You are Safe and Sane as the The Current State of Affairs Spirals Chaotically and Virtually Out of Control. In these Dire Days People need a Source of Escapism More than Ever to help (if Only Temporarily) to Retreat from the Woes of the World. We sincerely Hope We can Provide such Escapism for Our Reader, Fans, and Supporters. We all must Remember It Always is Darkest Before The Light.

As for Saturday Slasher Cinema We are Postponing SSC for the Time Being. We will Resume SSC in Due Time, and We Thank You for Your Patience.

Now Let’s Make Our Escape……

Awhile Back We had a Short Horror Film Friday that featured a Six Episode Horror Series called Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared. It was brought to Our attention recently that Someone had Located the Pilot Episode of DHMIS, and We were a little more than Psyched to Learn of This Development.

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared is a Surreal British Cult Comedy Horror Web Series. The Web Series was Created by British Filmmakers, Graphic Designers, Artists, and Animators Becky Sloan and Joseph Pelling. DHMIS Consists of 6 Episodes, Released from July 29, 2011 to June 19, 2016 through The Artists’ Website, YouTube, and Vimo. Every Episode of DHMIS Utilizes Live Actors in Costume, Anthropomorphic Puppets, Traditional Animation, Stop Motion, and Computer Animation to Tell Each Story in the Series.

Each Episode Revolves around Yellow Guy (and His Father Roy Gibbleston), Red Guy and Duck Guy meeting One or Several Anthropomorphic Characters, Who begin a Musical Number related to a Basic Concept of Day-To-Day Life complete with an Upbeat Melody similar to that of a Nursery Rhyme. As Each Song progresses, it becomes Apparent that its Moral/Message is Nonsensical or Self-Contradicting, and that the “Teacher” Character has an Sinister Ulterior Motives. The Climax of each Episode Typically Involves GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, BLOOD SHED, GORE, OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR!!! Later int he Series, the CHaracters begin to Questioning the NAture of Their Reality and the Bizarre Messages of the Teachers.

Enjoy.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

Stupid shit I do when I get bored

What sucks so fucking bad about boredom is its boring and is know so by all who have ever existed. The best weapon in the arsenal of entertainment is to just make your own when all else falls flat on its face like your drunk uncle. I like to believe that I have redefined the concept of self entertainment when it comes to the stupid shit I do when I have to combat bored. I’ll let you be the judge. Bring on the list lets see that motherfucker!

The stupid shit I do when I get bored list:

Just the other day I had bought a rubber band gun to dissuade our upiity ass new kitten from misbehaving (main offense antagonizing the fuck out of the older house cat). I decided to load the gun with as many rubber bands as I fucking possibly could so I sat there adding one after the other until I had reached maximum capacity. That night as per usual the kitten started acting like a insane idiot and I was engaged in hunting her down to adviser her to cease and desist. Well if you have ever looked for a cat you already know that cats can be elusive motherfuckers when they want to be. Ninjas don’t have shit on cats its a fact so look it up. Anyway I colluded locate her and I have no idea why (it wasn’t fucking premeditated is all) when I passed my wife laying on the couch I yelled “SNATCH SHOT!” and unloaded ever last one of the rubber bands into my wife’s crotch. She had been engrossed in some YouRube video so she was startled as fuck and none too happy.

This week while keeping my wife company while grocery shopping a boring activity if there ever fucking was one am I right? Yeah I am. Anyways as my wife was selecting a piece of cow meat we would be dinning on that evening I saw a price tag. I don’t even remember what kind of meat it was but if I had to guess it was some pork tenderloin or something similar I suppose. The price was $6.96 and agin for no rhyme or reason I suddenly hauled the hell off and punched the shit out of that pork tenderloin thing. I then picked it up and loudly announced to my fellow shoppers “696 OFFEND MY FAMILY AND INSULTS OUR HONOR!”
A Frequent habit I have had for a extremely long ass time is when I’m out shopping with any doesn’t matter who the hell it is I start sneaking the most fucking random items into the cart when they aren’t looking (like a fucking cat). Then at check out I watch as they unload their shit at check out and discover my additions to their carts one by one intermediately through out the checking out process. You see you have to make sure as shit you dispense the various ass items in at different times and in different parts of the cart to fully drag the awkward confusion out.
Once in a while I’ll go to Dick’s sporting goods acting like an unhappy and irate customer with an ax to grind. I then when I encounter the first fucking employee I can demand that I talk to someone with authority. That means I want to talk to the biggest dick there.

I enjoy tracking down owners of Badcock Furniture Stores and inquiring why they haven’t legally changed their name from Badcock to something more flattering and advantageous. I then give examples such as Bigcock, Hugecock, Monstercock, Giantcock, Bigoldcock, or Giantcock.
I once in a blue moon if I’m in a store such as HomeDepot I like to wander over to the appliance section and find dishwashers, refrigerators , washing machines etc. Once I’m there I wait milling around aimlessly until no one is around and then I fart into the particular appliance. That way hopefully when the next person opens it to check it out it smells like ass inside.
When it comes to farting I also enjoy walking down the aisle of a store, stopping momentarily, farting, and walking away to an observation point. So then all I have to do is watch different shopper’s reactions when they walk through it. If they’re alone they’re all “what’s that pungent stench?”or if their with other people “Which one of these people I’m with is farting the place up?”
I have the juvenile habit of walking past friends who are sitting so I can fart in their face and ask “So what I have for lunch?!”
I tell people from time to time that I’m a doctor and when they ask what kind of doctor I am I tell them I’m a doctor of doctoring. You’d be fucking surprised how many people never question that statement as it sounds like some odd ass medical shit (and we all know how odd medical shit so lets just fucking admit it).
I have over the years also added a second version of the being a doctor of doctoring or more like a definition as it were. I explain that a doctor of doctoring is an extremely elite specialist who only treats other doctors.

I have been know to call church’s in the area and ask them why they seem to be having such a hard time finding Jesus.
Having some telemarketing experience I will cold call people and ask then to participate in a market research survey. The survey then turns out to be some ridiculous shit like with equally stupid questions. Examples of some such questions: “Have you ever taken part in any kind of spaghetti wrestling, and if yes were the noodles Ramen noodles?!” or “If one in the hand is better than two in the bush how do you feel about this exchange rate?”
I am a fan of hassling pescatarians about eating fish. Pescatarians are and I quote “People who do not eat meat, but they do eat fish.” So what the fuck are they classifying fish as? Fish isn’t a fruit, it isn’t a vegetable or dairy product so what the fuck do they mean?! Fish are living, breathing, breeding creatures with a natural life cycle so if they aren’t meat WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THEN?!!
I get a kick out of sending take out food from one restaurant and have it delivered to another restaurant. There’s no purpose here other than for fucking laughs. The idea of the confusion and befuddling of staff by sending a Sushi platter to a Mexican restaurant or Indian food to a Italian restaurant is the motivator.

I have shit in inappropriate areas like parking lots, public fountains, people’s front lawns or some other common space area. When I’m confronted for my righteous public pooping I explain I was raised by Wild Animals (the animal changes regularly) and that’s how I learned to shit. That or I explain I’m from a poor ass family in Appalachia who lived in a one room shack so we were raised to just shit outside.
I used to call 411 and ask irrelevant questions like “Why does my dick look like a pickle its all green and bumpy?!”
I have on occasion called PetSmart or PetCo’s grooming department as a possible new client inquiring about their shrives and prices. I then ask them how much would it cost for my Bearded Dragon a haircut.
I’ve called random New Yorkers and asked why so they such bad insomnia in Ny since NY is the city that never sleeps?!
Occasionally I will go into fast food restaurant restrooms, go into one of the stalls, kneel down (have to make it realistic people!), and start making horribly violent vomiting sounds.
A couple of times I called Catholic churches pretending to be a Child Abuse/Anti-Pedophilia Charity soliciting donations.
I frequently punch packaged meat in grocery stores while yelling “ADRIAN!!”
I once called an abortion clinic to inquire about aborting my older brother.
I have told (and tried to convince) people I was born I believed myself into existence.

I like to call Law Firms/ Lawyers and to inquire about filing a restraining order on the grounds of sexual harassment against myself since I’m self employed.
I take one of those DNA or Ancestry tests and when the results finally arrive I harass customer service over the fact the test failed to prove my relation to Bigfoot.
I enjoy insisting to people that if latin is a dead language than anyone who still uses it (like doctors or lawyers for example) is in fact dead.
Several times I have gone to the zoo for the sole purpose of flinging my feces at the monkeys.
When bored I indulge in my favorite hobby: Douche Spotting.
I have demanded to know from soccer moms why there aren’t any other sports moms like Baseball moms and all that shit?!
I once stood outside of a sperm bank offering people going in free samples of my sperm.
A few times I have gone to sex anonymous meeting and handed out condoms, lube, and Lithuanian Viagra.

One of my personal favorite things to do when I get bored is probably the easiest (and shall well say “less objectionable” selections on this list). Step One I briskly walk up to strangers with my hand up with pointer finger fully extended. Step 2 When I reach then I look in their eyes and squint as if I recognize them, but can’t remember their name. Step 3 I open my mouth as if I’m about to say something. Step 4 abruptly I close my mouth, look away, lower my hand, and briskly walk off. Now some people may be tempted to add an addition intro phrase such as “Excuse Me….” or “I just noticed….” this is fucking stupid because the point is too leave the person confused as fuck. Once you have walked off you want the said person to wonder who you were and more over what the hell were you about to say to them. The addition of words defeats the point so yeah there’s that.
I tend to when I get bored go to a local food store or grocery and create a godawful fucking scene by openly debating (to the point of rage) what the difference is between a Burrito and a Chimichanga is.
I get a kick out of telling fellow bar patrons that my favorite specialty drink I ever had was The Pale of Champale at_____ (Insert fictional place of choice), and then explain it’s a pale like you’d see at your garden variety hardware store filled to the brim with Champale.
Once in a while when I get bored I make a scene in public trying to literally kiss my own ass goodbye after just receiving some serious bad news from my doctor.

Quite often I go to my local gym and sit around eating the most unhealthy fatty food that couldn’t possible have another calorie added to it. When the gym rats and regulars get all bent out of shape about it. When they approach me about why I’m there I can tell them I’m an amateur sumo wrestler, and that I’m in training for the next Olympics because if I win a medal I can go pro.
Once many moons ago when I got bored I poured a shot of some rank cheap as bottom barrel bourbon, gargled with it, and then spit it out. I them poured beer into my hand and rubbed it through my hair and beard. Then for good measure I dribbled some beer down the front of my shirt. Next I drove around town until I saw a cop at which point I start to drive erratically until they pull me over. They get one wife of the booze and yank my ass out of the car for a sobriety test which I pass with flying fucking colors mind you. The cop will gets twisted because he/she can’t understand what the hell is happening. They will inevitable ask why you wreck of alcohol but are as sober as a goddamn judge. That when I replied “Well I’m tonight’s designated distraction.” WARNING: if the cop is an unforgiving prick you can be ticked or even taken into custody for this SO DO NOT TRY THIS ANYWHERE AT ANYTIME. THERE I LEGALLY COVERED MY ASS!

I call an import/export company and export some random shit. Then I call back the next day and hire them to specifically import everyone of the exports I sent out the pervious day.
I have been known when I get bored to call local businesses (especially malls) who have signs stating that pets aren’t allowed accept for seeing eye dogs, and ask them who the signs are for?! I then point out that the blind person in question can’t see nor read the sign because they are fucking blind. Meanwhile the seeing eye dog can’t read the sign so maybe a fucking sign falls a little fucking short of effective.
I make up absurd historical facts and attempt to convince them its true. For example the crock pot was derived from the ancient crotch pot. The crotch pot was a small clay jar that people kept between their legs for 12 -16 hours to heat the food contained within. To sell this one you can site the fact that Ancient Mongolian Warriors would take a piece of raw meat, stick it between the horse and the saddle to “cook” it. Then just google it and use it as an example of primitive cooking methods.
I hangout at local dog parks posing as a parks department employee who has been hired by the city to scoop the dog poop at the dog park. The reason the position was created was due to the increasing incidents of people getting in fist fights with other dog owners who use the park, but don’t pick up after their fucking dog. After I explain the position I then inform whomever I’m speaking with that while I’m a official parks employee I work for tips due to department budget cuts.

If I get bored on vacation I just load up a bunch of scuba diving gear and other aquatic gadgets and head to the nearest lake. I then get in the water and start to act like a bonafide lunatic setting ups ll kinds of weird camera apparatus and drawing a lot of attention. That way when the people around me work up the courage/nerve to inquire as to what the hell I’m up to I tell them I’m hunting the Lock Ness Monster. When they point out that I’m not at Loch Ness the lake where the Loch Ness monster is alleged to reside I claim that the Loch Ness Monster has a distinct migratory pattern. It uses this unique migration pattern to migrate from lake to lake around the world to avoid detection. This is why no one has been able to find or present any evidence of the Loch Ness monster’s existence.
I am found of logging onto dating websites so I can brag that I’m depended from a long historical line of bathroom attendants.

I think that’s enough for now so…

See you later,

by Justine Sane

Wednesday January 6th a Day That Will Live in Infamy

We like so Many Around the World bore Witness to Wednesday’s Egregious and Treasonous Insurrection and its subsequent Fallout. This is Undoubtedly the most Heinous Act yet Perpetrated by the Piece of Shit that dares call Himself President of the United States of America. We apologize for the lack of New Posts and Appreciate Your understanding in these the Darkest of Times.

Daily Posting will Resume as Planned starting Tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Les Sober & The FYB Collective

To whom it may concern: status update for FYB 2021

Hello Everyone and Everybody,

My name is Justin Sane and I am excited to finally address everyone out there in FYB land, and i’m not sure where to start. This is one of those things you plan out in your head, and when the moment comes at last your brain goes blank so your left just standing there with your genitals in your hand. To get started here’s a basic run down of FYB for you.

The creative team: the who’s who of FYB

Les Sober Founder FYB Inc. and Creative Director
Justin Sane Les’s righthand, long time friend, and Director of Content
Otto Rageous Les’ lefthand man, long time and Project Director
Lady Les’ wife, better half, handler, guardian angel, confidant, best friend soulmate, consultant, advisor, and unofficial 4th member of the FYB Team.
SpaceDog Les’s partner in crime, long time friend, and Content Contributor.
N@P Les’s close friend, content contributor, and Creative consult.
Coming soon!!! C-Nobody Les’s good friend, musician, creative consultant, and future content contributor.

What’s in a name?

The name thing actually started. Les, Otto,and I had a hardcore punk band called Stank breath. I can’t remember why exactly the reason we chose the name Stank Breath, but that’s high school freshmen boys for you. Since we were a punk band we all assumed stage names, and we have keep them for every artistic project since. The point is we want people to know our work not who we are. The point is Les isn’t the only paranoid introvert around these parts though he currently the local heavy weight champion, and will be defending the quad county championship belt next month in Muncie Indiana. Tickets on sale now $15 in advance $20 at the door. Doors open at 7 pm and the show starts at 8 pm Must be 21+ with valid proof of age for admittance is strictly enforced. Event is being held at the town’s local senior center use google maps for directions.

My 2 cents worth

The question of why I’m writing this now or why the hell am I here all of a sudden which is fare enough. FYB has been on an unplanned break due to circumstances mainly beyond our control. Some might say we are in some sort of “control”of situations when it comes to Les. Thats why I specifically stated for the record “mainly beyond our control” because have you ever tried to wrangle a fucking category 5 shitnado before?! It ain’t easy and damned near impossible.

To briefly recap Les is an extremely intense and some what emotionally unstable which makes him both a creative force to be reckoned with and an out of control asshole. Les has spent most of his life looking to master moderation so he could achieve some sort of balance in his chaotic existence. Les is a lot like moonshine in that as it ages Moonshine mellows as it becomes less abrasive and stronger with the passing of time. So if you meet Les and think he’s a motherfucking madman you can only imagine what dealing with him was like in the early days.

We collectively and in total agreement decided Les needed to try and take a break from everything in an attempt to keep him on the safer side of insanity. First off there was the hellishly busy and corrosively commercial holidays. What people including Les learned in 2020 is that getting a family together for a Zoom call in reality is actually harder to pull off than just gathering everyone in a group someplace. When you enter the Zoom universe you enter a suspended space and time continuum that is far more abstract is structure than that of the Physical realm or reality.

Unfortunately aside from the hell of the holidays a perfect fucking shitstorm has been brewing for several weeks in the land of Les recently. So it stay focused and on topic I’m going to paraphrase and use plenty of actual quotes from Les to give you a closer first hand view. The thing that you most likely notice is these are all things that SERIOUSLY Piss Les Off hence the perfect shitstorm scenario.

The Security Situation

Les has such high standards that the Lunatic can’t even live up to them. Thats right Les’s standards for People himself included are so High they are virtually unreachable. Its like dangling a carrot infant of a stubborn donkey to get it to walk. The donkey will never get the carrot but as long as it sees it hanging in mid air right in front of its face it remains obtainable as far as the donkey is concerned anyway. Customer service is a huge issue with Les who has gone on record making statements like :

“Is it too goddamn much to ask some fucking idiot to do their fucking job?!”
“They act like I’m bothering them, oh so fucking sorry for making you do the job you’re getting pain to fucking do in the first fucking place.”
“Incompetent or Uncaring either fucking way they’re all a bunch of motherfucking fuckers.”
“Apparently customer service is a dead industry and now asshole rule the fucking world.”

There was an issue with the FYB security system which I will not get into here as Les is already working feverishly on a Post about it with all the gritty details. Anyway the System was fucking up, Les spent 5 plus hours on the phone trying to remedy the problem with the alarm company, got so pissed that he switched alarm companies, and got a better deal. Even though Les is fond of saying “Alls well that ends well” he forgets to mention that in spite of the newer and far superior alarm system he will hold a grudge concerning how shitty the customer service of the original alarm company was. Les may not be able to carry a tune but he can carry a grudge for fucking YEARS.

Dealing with Les I am constantly reminded of my favorite scene from the movie From Dusk To Dawn. It’s the scene where the main characters have gained access to the Biker Bar and Harvey Keitel asks George Clooney’s character. Keitel’s character asks Clooney’s character if he is so stupid that he doesn’t know when he won. This is alluding to the fact while Clooney’s character’s plan is working and he’s hours away from being rich having escaped the authorities, but he’s willing to blow it all because he’s pissed at a Bar Patron for getting in his face. Thats Les in a nutshell. Sure the ordeal sucked like a $2 crack whore on a week long bender, yet as Les pointed out in the end he actually came out on top, but he rather focus on still being pissed about how it all went down even now that its over. Les I love you buddy but for Christ’s Sake LET IT GO LES JUST LET IT FUCKING GO BROTHER!!!

An apple a day keeps the doctors away….

Les is also been increasingly shitty due to his annual yearly doctor’s visit, and Les has let his contempt, disgust, and flat out hatred for all doctors (dentists included the sadistic fuckers) so no surprise he’s not a happy camper about having to see the doctor even if it is his. As Les has summed it up “Fuck doctors every fucking medical procedure is Painful or Uncomfortable, Costly, and usually rather embarrassing bordering on humiliating. Then all the greedy cocksuckers have to tell you is bad news followed by worse fucking news.”

See we all know doctors and all that shit sucks and the system sucks even worse, but we deal with it the best we can and life goes on. Not Les though he runs into a bump in the road and wants to fucking declare full blown fucking war on it. He becomes hyper focused to the point of obsession with destroying whatever is in his way or upset him. Les’s unofficial motto is “You fuck with me and I’ll fucking fuck you back 10 times over.” Les can be a truly vengeful son of a bitch. Its not good for his fucking health it fucking can’t be. I mean getting so stressed out or frustrated that you turn such a deep shade of red you look like the top of your fucking head is going to explode like a volcano. So at that point I mean your blood pressure has to be totally fucked up.

YouTube lands on Les’s shit list

As You are more than likely aware Les has been fucking Livid because Youtube recently changed their policies concerning age restricted content playing on 3rd party sites. Ever since it first took effect (Les was caught off guard because he doesn’t keep up on current tech shit or what big tech is up to) Les went APE SHIT. Once he “Calmed down” he was spitting venom like crazy about how big tech are greedy capitalism driven corporate whores who look at people as walking talking ATM machines. Les SHIT HAPPENS BROTHER. All Les wanted to do was find away to thwart YouTubes Policies, but Youtube just implemented these policies so if there is a way around them no one has figured it out yet. In the mean time all that we need to do is research other similar platforms until we find one that we can use or use to replace Youtube all together.

I mean I don’t get how the hell Les didn’t see this coming, and I’m sure he did he just wasn’t giving the situation his full undivided attention. Les knew things were changing because things always change, and it was when he was doing our most in-depth piece on GG Allin that Les discovered YouTube was pushing for more of their content to be on a buy or rent basis instead of free. Then Les was aware of YouTube going ballistic with the whole fucking monetization thing from increased advertising to YouTube taking a hefty cut of YouTuber’s profits. Then came the age restricted content deal which simply funnels more traffic to their site to the detriment of smaller 3rd party sites. It’s the usual case of the big dogs throwing their weight around to subjugate the little guy.

I mean this age restricted bullshit happened at the same time YouTube made its first major move into the streaming market with the ironically named YouTube TV. I get everyone wants a piece of the streaming pie, but YouTube streaming tv shows and shit just seems like a conflict of interest to me anyway. AGAIN LES IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD FUCK YOUTUBE AND LETS BE PROACTIVE INSTEAD OF REACTIVE!!!

Health insurance is hell

Lastly Les has been dealing with several different health insurance companies pertaining to prescription drug programs (we have no idea why though as of yet) and its not goin well. “Its going from the frying pan into the fire back into the frying pan and then back into the fire once again” as Les has put it. Apparently things with his health insurance weren’t to his liking so he’s been shopping around. To make things worse Les’s wife got shitty information and subpar assistance from a healthcare professional who helped her select her and Les’s new plan.

Due to the poor advice she signed up to a plan that turns out she wasn’t even happy with. There was all this fine print bullshit and they failed to send Les’s wife the proper paperwork in time for them to review it and use the opt out clause. Les is fucking furious and had repeatedly yelled “This is by far the shittiest fucking bullshit plan I have ever heard of it’s fucking pointless. You pay out your ass and get nothing in return its a fucking racket, a goddamn fucking scam.”

Les does have a point though in that the health insurance company your paying to protect you incase of illness or injury EMPLOY AN ENTIRE DEPARTMENT who’s job it is to thoroughly direct each and every customer claim ti find a way NOT TO PAY THE CLAIM. So when you see those fucking bullshit health insurance ads on tv remember they’ll gladly take your money while simultaneously trying to fuck you over.

So all in all Les will be returning shortly and has agreed to accept the help he know he could use, but refuses to ask for. As far as the future is concerned you’ll be hearing more from me along with Otto and some new Content Providers such as C-Nobody in 2021.

Sincerely,

Justin Sane

Short Horror Film Friday: Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Welcome to Another Installment of Short Horror Film Friday featuring the Surreal British Cult Comedy Horror Web Series DON’T HUG ME I’M SCARED . The Web Series was Created by British Filmmakers, Graphic Designers, Artists, and Animators Becky Sloan and Joseph Pelling. DHMIS Consists of 6 Episodes, Released from July 29, 2011 to June 19, 2016 through The Artists’ Website, YouTube, and Vimo. Every Episode of DHMIS Utilizes Live Actors in Costume, Anthropomorphic Puppets, Traditional Animation, Stop Motion, and Computer Animation to Tell Each Story in the Series.

Each Episode Revolves around Yellow Guy (and His Father Roy Gibbleston), Red Guy and Duck Guy meeting One or Several Anthropomorphic CHaracters, Who begin a Musical Number related to a Basic Concept of Day-To-Day Life complete with an Upbeat Melody similar to that of a Nursery Rhyme. As Each Song progresses, it becomes Apparent that its Moral/Message is Nonsensical or Self-Contradicting, and that the “Teacher” Character has an Sinister Ulterior Motives. The Climax of each Episode Typically Involves GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, BLOOD SHED, GORE, OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR!!! Later int he Series, the CHaracters begin to Questioning the NAture of Their Reality and the Bizarre Messages of the Teachers.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & Justin Sane

Insane Animation: DeadEnders

Welcome to Insane Animation Presenting DeadEnders the Sequel to Beastenders By Legendary British Animator Cyriak Harris. Cyriak Harris, known Mononymously as Cyriak and His B3ta Username Mutated Monty (Harris has been a Regular Contributor to the British Website B3ta since 2004), is a British Freelance Animator and Composer. He is known for His Surreal, Creepy, and Bizarre Short Web Animations with the Frequent Use of the Droste Effect, and Features Original Dance/Electronic Music By Harris as Well. DeadEnders was Commissioned by the BBC3 TV Show “Comedy Shuffle”, and is a Parody of the Popular Long Running (1985-Present) Award Winning British Soap Opera EastEnders.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

I’ve Seen Some Stupid Shit But This Is A New One

This Story Starts a Short While before the 2020 Election when it was Revving Up to be the Total Post Election Shit Show it is Currently. One Day I had to Run a Mundane Errand that required that I Drive over to a Near by Neighboring Town. This is a frequent Side Effect of Living in a Town So Small it Only has one Single Traffic Light is it Requires that You Travel for a wide Variety of Reasons. The Main Reason being in a Small Town You have Limited Choices (and Certain Product Availability) so Traveling to a More Populated Area becomes Part of the Chore.

This Particular Drive is Quite Scenic as it Runs Through a Mix of Pine Forrests and Farming Fields with the Odd Small House/ Mobile Home sprinkled in Here and There. The Road as one might Imagine Qualifies as the Road Less Taken since You can Drive Miles before seeing Even One Other Car on the Road. Around the Midway Point of the Journey on the right side of the Road Across from a Empty Farmer’s Field is what appears at first to be a Viable Side Street or Road if You will. It is in fact The Top of someone’s Driveway You Can’t actually see the House from the Road because it’s Hidden in a You Guessed it One Forrest. What You can See is that approximately a Quarter Mile down this Long ass Driveway is a Large Cast Iron Gate Blocking. There’s 10 Foot Brown Stone Walls on Either Side of the Gate that Start about Ten Feet High and Taper off toward the Ground. I have No Idea what the Aesthetic Brown Stones are because I’m not a fucking Geologist, but They Look Halfway Decent.

Now as I Mentioned this was in the Pre 2020 Election and America was in a Chaotic Frenzy. Well on this particular Day as I drove by I Noticed the Residents had Placed 25-30 Elect Trump Yard Signs about Four Feet Apart Down both sides of their Driveway. It was Overkill in Every Sense of the Word. Now We Fast Forward the Election is Over, Biden has Been Certified by the Electoral Collage, and its been a Month and a Half Past Election Night. So the Next Time I had to had to Run an Errand Out that Way it was No Real Surprise that the Elect Trump 2020 Yard Signs had been Removed. Now on the Way into Town I Noticed a Excessively Large Banner Displayed at the Top of the Same Property where the Elect Trump 2020 signs had Previously been. I noticed it too Late to see what it Said, but I decided that right then and there that on the Way Back I would Most Definitely Find out what this Banner was all About.

On the Way Back I made sure to Slow Down (which is Easy to do on a Road with Virtually no Traffic as I mention Earlier) so I could take in the Banner in its Entirety and What I saw I found Absolutely Dumbfounding. At the Top Half of the Banner on a Dark Navy Background it Said in Big Block Letter in all Caps “TRUMP SIGN THIEVES” and there was a Phone Number displayed Under it also in Big Ass Font. The Bottom Half consisted of 3 Pictures of Three Different Cars of the Suspected Sign Thieves Vehicles, but We’ll get back to that in a Minute. It was Painfully and Blatantly Obvious that the Home Owner was 1. Die Hard Trump Supporter 2. Was Pissed as Hell about Their Elect Trump 2020 Yard Signs being Stolen. What I want to Know is What the fuck do Does the Home Owner Expect to Happen pertaining to The Stolen Yard Sign Banner?

I First thought to Myself Seriously How fucking Stupid since Yard Signs Run an Average of 97 Cents to Custom Make so This Person was Out a Whopping $48.50. This is Horribly Ironic since this Banner They had made cost Them a Couple Hundred Dollars so that 3-4 times as Much as the Cost of the Yard Signs. I just figure Out if You’re Pissed about being Out $50 Why the Hell would You then Invest a Couple Hundred in an Additional Banner? I may be Shitty at Math but Even I can tell You That Doesn’t Add Up. The Only Possibly Reason I could Muster was The Home Owner Truly Believed that the Stolen Yard Sign Banner would in deed Pay Off in the End. Still the Question Remained What was the Intention of the Home Owner since They are having a rather Extreme Reaction to the Theft of Their Shitty Elect Trump 2020 Year Signs?

This is My Hypothesis on this Oddly Absurd Situation. Once the Home Owner Saw the Signs were Stolen the Enraged Idiot(s) called the fucking Local Police and Reported it. The Cops basically Blew the Hoe Owner Off due to the Ridiculous Nature of the So Called Offense. Then the Pissed Off Assholes decided They would have to take Matter into Their Own Hands with Their Bizarre Brand of Vigilante Justice. They then had to Spend some Time coming up with a Course of Action and in The End They settled on Big Ass Bullshit Banner. Next They had to go to a Graphics Shop and have the Banner made and again Pay a Few Hundred Dollars for it. After that They returned Home and Erected the Batshit Banner at the Top of Their Driveway, and I assume are Still Waiting for the Banner to yield Results.

At this Point I’d like to Readdress the 3 Large Blown Up Pictures of the Alleged Sign Thieves Vehicles. The First Thing I’d like to Address is the Fact that These Pictures are so Shitty and Off Point its fucking Mind Boggling. What I mean is all Three Picture are Utterly Useless since NO INFORMATION can be deduced from Them. You See Each Picture Failed to Catch the Car’s License Plate which is in the Second Chapter of “The Big Book of Duh”. Since all the Photos are Shot at Insanely Strange Angles You also have No Chance to possible See the Driver or Anyone Else Who Might be in the Car. For all Intents and Purposes the Pics look like they were taken by a Drone that was being Operated by The Clueless Village Idiot. I say this because Not Only all the Car Photos Void of Any Pertinent Information Whatsoever the Picture seem to have been taken From Above at Random Angles. It’s Almost as if the Camera was Basically Shooting Down from Above the Cars.

Not to Mention the Fact The Home Owner had Photos (as Shitty as They Were) actually had Photos since where the fuck was the Camera Located in the First Place? With a Vast and Empty FArmer’s Field across the Road from the Property there is No Where to Attach any Type of Camera since Theres Literally Nothing to Attach it too. This Must Mean the Camera would have to have Been Mounted on the Same side of the Street as the Home Owner’s Property. The Issue there is again Where was the Camera Located? My Wife Theorized the Pictures were Caught by a Security Camera at the Gate. The Problem with that is as I said the Gate is a Quarter Mile Down from the Road, and since the Yard Signs were running down the Sides of the Main Road the Camera couldn’t see Shit to take a Picture.

The Next Option would have been the Most Likely in Most Cases. We live in a Rural ass Area where Hunting and Fishing are as Big as Professional Sports, and Most Hunters Use Motion Activated Trail Cameras to Surveil Perspective Hunting Territory for Game. Thus it would make the Most Sense if Someone mounted a Trail Camera or Perhaps Several to the Pine Trees that Comprise the Forrest on the Home Owner’s Property. The Only Problem with the Stolen Sign Situation is a Trail Camera Would Have to be Mounted at the Same Hight as the Cars, and Not 15 feet up the Trunk of the Tree since its Motion Activated (and You’d want to Photograph Cars Not Birds Flying in the Distance). Thats How I came to the Only Reason I could Think of which is it was a Drone Camera but Who fucking Knows.

As for the Intent of the Banner I am Equally as Clueless as I still can’t Deduct what the fuck the Home Owner thinks is going to Happen as a Result of Their Banner? The Police aren’t going to be of any Assistance due to it being No Where Near a Priority, and The Only Evidence is the Three aforementioned Crappy Photos a 3 Cars that contain Nothing of Value as far as Information. So is the Home Owner Honestly expecting that some Stranger Driving down the Main Road Outside of their Property, See the Banner, and Somehow be Able to Identify One of the Cars. This is Already a Never Going to Happen Hell or High Water Situation, but I’ll Play Devil’s Advocate for the Sake of Argument.

Let’s Say Someone did see the Banner and All That the Home Owner is Banking on that Person Giving as Big as a Shit about the Stolen Signs as the Owner. The Stranger would have to be Equally as Enraged over a Case of Stolen Yard Signs to even Give a Shit. If it were Me and I saw the Banner and Actually Knew One of the Cars (“Oh Shit Thats Phil’s Car!”) the Next time I saw the Car Owner I’d tell Him how Hilarious I find the Whole thing and Way to Go. Point Being the Last damn thing I’d do is call the Number on the Sign I simply wouldn’t Say Shit. Lastly even if the Home Owner found Out Who the Cars Belong To fuck are They Going to Do? There’s really No Legal Recourse (just ask the Cops who were annoyed by the Reporting of this Piddly Shit) so They could Only do One of Two Things.

Option One is to Tell Everyone around since Word Travels fast in a Small Town where Everybody Knows Everybody. This would be to Call the Culprit Out and Publicly Shame Them in the Eyes of Their Friends, Family, and Community (Most of Which are Avid Church Goers so “Thou Shall Not Steal’). I also Suppose in this Day and Age They could do the Same by Talking Shit on Social Media to Vent as well as Call Out the Guilty Party. If the Home Owner is a real Dicks They could Go Over to the Alleged Guilty Person’s Residence and Address the Matter Face to Face. This would Not be a Safe Decision since the Home Owner Would Either End Up In Jail for Showing Up and Acting like a World Class Asshole or For Killing the Supposedly Guilty Person. That or They End up Getting Shot, Beaten to a Bloody Pulp or Killed Themselves. Anyway You Slice it it Always Ends Badly for the Idiotic Home Owner. So the Question Remains the Same: What the Fuck is the Point?

Besides it being an Utter Absurdity of the Situation I’m just Relieved it s something Entertaining instead of Asinine. I mean at Least it wasn’t a Situation like This Old Cranky Bastard that Lives in My Neighborhood Who is Still Flying His Elect Trump Flag like an Absolute Asshole.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

YouTube Can Seriously Suck It.

So for Those Out there that are Unaware Youtube just Overhauled it’s Age-Restriction Guidelines. Part of these New bullshit Policies is that Content Housed on Their Server that is Age-Restricted can NO LONGER PLAY ON THIRD PARTY WEBSITES.

WHAT IMPACT DOES THIS TEMPORARILY HAVE ON FYB?

FIRST OFF : We Assure Our Readers Above All that We are Already Working on Circumnavigating YouTube’s New Age Restricted Material Bullshit Policies. We are Happy to Report We should have this issue well in Hand by Saturday Slasher Cinema on 12/19/2020 or Shortly There After.

In The Meantime:

When You reached the Video You will see a Grey Guy Box Stating that it is YouTube Age-Restricted Content. If You aren’t already aware Simply Click on the Box and it will Redirect You to the Video. Now YouTube will then Ask for Age Verification since this is a Futile Attempt to Keep Age Restricted Content from being Viewed by Minors.

Have No Fear Kiddies while FYB DOES NOT ENCOURAGE OR CONDONE IT, All You Have to do is Disable/Shut Off the Parental Controls which is Easy as Anything to Do. If You Don’t know How just Hit Up Google and You’re All Set.

This is fucking Stupid because Bottomline on the Whole Age-Restricted Material Issue is KIDS CAN DISABLE PARENTAL CONTROLS (As Mentioned Above). If They didn’t already know how They can just Goggle it and Problem Solved. I mean if I was Growing Up in Today’s Times and I was Under 18 this is what We’d do. When My Parents were gone/out We would hop on Youtube, Shut Off the Parental Controls, watch whatever crazy shit We wanted, and then before Our Parents Returned Home We’d Simply Reset the Parental Controls. That way if They happened to Checked (to make Sure We couldn’t access Age Restricted Material) everything would look Fine, and They’d assume the Parental Controls were Working.

Lets be fucking Honest YouTube’s New Age Restricted Content Policy is just an Illusion that Youtube is Being Responsible (AGAIN All Anyone has to do is Simply go to Parental Controls and Deactivate Them), BUT really it’s an Attempt to Increase Traffic to Their Site. Every View, Like, Subscription, and Membership makes YouTube more Profitable. So Bottomline Censorship be Damned this is ALL ABOUT THE MONEY for YouTube the Greedy Bastards. DO NOT LET BIG TECH LIKE YOUTUBE MANIPULATE YOU FOR THEIR PERSONAL PROFIT.

Meanwhile YouTube are a bunch of Greedy motherfuckers They make a Killing of Selling Advertising which is all 100% Profit since They DON’T DO SHIT. They don’t make the Videos the Public Does so YouTube gets all Their fucking Content for fucking Free (Talk about keeping Overhead Low). In the Beginning Youtube like everything else wasn’t Shit. Then when They got Big Enough They attracted Advertisers, and at First They would give a Small but Profitable Cut to the Poster of a Video if the Video got Over 1 Million Views. Well that’s all fucking changed that’s for fucking sure.

YouTube has become Egotistical and Greed Driven now Taking Thirty Cents of Every Single fucking Dollar of a YouTube Channel’s income be it Through Memberships, Merchandise, and even Donations made to a Person’s Youtube Channel. They have Their grubby little Hands in Everyone’s Pocket just Reaping the Benefits of OTHER PEOPLE’S WORK. Then They Hit YouTubers with Endless Rules and Restrictions pertaining to Content which is Directly Linked to Monetization (See it Always comes Down to the Cash).

We swear Youtube is Turning into Facebook. Facebook in its early Days was Fun We admit that, but Now in 2020 Mark Fuckersberg has Transformed Facebook into a Social Media Shithole. Everything about Facebook has Changed and for the Worst. We can Say that We’re Exceptionally Happy as Hell that Facebook is Being Sued by 46 States Currently for Forming an Illegal Monopoly among Other Shady and Illegal Shit perpetrated by Facebook/Mark Fuckyouberg.

That’s All We got for Now just Frustrated as Fuck is All.

Thanks For Reading,

By The FYB Family

Saturday Slasher Cinema: TERRIFIER

Welcome to this Week’s Installment of Saturday Slasher Cinema Featuring the 2016 American Slasher Film TERRIFIFER Written, Directed and Co-Produced by Damien Leone. The Film features a New Face in the World of Horror in Art The Clown, Played by David Howard Thornton, Who Dresses in an Early 20th Century Clown Costume complete with an Insanely Small Top Hat. Also Art’s Clown Make Up is Void of the Usual Bright Traditional Clown Colors, and instead is Simply Black on White reminiscent of Black Metal Musician’s Corpse Paint. To His Credit Art The Clown was Named “One of the Scariest Clowns on Screen” by Bloody-Disgusting.com,

Terrifier marks the Second Feature Film Appearance of Art The Clown Character, After Leone’s 2013 Anthology Film All Hallow’s Eve, which Incorporates Footage from Previous Short Films that were also Directed by Leone that Also Originally featured Art The Clown. If Your interested for whatever Reason in watching All Hallow’s Eve We have it Posted in Our Movie Category, and was actually used in a Prior Saturday Slasher Cinema.

Synopsis:

On Halloween Night The Sadistic Serial Killer known as Art The Clown Returns focusing His Sick Psychotic Obsession on Three Innocent Young Women, Along with Anyone Else that gets in His Way!!!

When We Saw this I KNEW We had to Include it: The Following is Posted on commonsense media.org

WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW

Parents need to know that Terrifier is a slasher movie about an evil killer clown. Blood and gore are extremely strong, and the violence against women is disturbing. One woman is hung naked upside down (her breasts are visible) and sawed in half from her crotch to her head. Another woman’s skin is sliced off of her chest, and the killer wears it on his own chest so that he can have breasts. There are many deaths, and tons of blood sprays/spurts, plus beating with blunt objects, guns and shooting, stabbing, slicing, severed heads, eye gouging, and much more. Language is also very strong, with multiple uses of “f–k”, “s–t”, “bitch, and more. There’s some sexual innuendo, and a couple falls into bed, kissing. Characters are drunk after a night of partying, cigarette smoking is shown, and a woman is injected with a knockout drug.

Not To Viewer: While the MOVIE IS IN ENGLISH there are French Subtitles. Unfortunately this was the Only Accessible Copy We could Find, and Since Terrifier is Such a Bad Ass Slasher Movie, and We would Feel like Real Assholes if We didn’t Post it (It’s Honestly One of Our Favorites here at FYB). Plus Subtitles are Easy to Ignore if You Don’t have to Read Them.

Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed this Tale of a Killer Clown Carnage as Much as We Did.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober