Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn.  As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

       

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

   

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

       

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (15/365)

Lee instinctively flipped over onto His Belly (still using the Inflatable Sex Doll as a Shield) figured His best course of action was too literally keep His head down, and army crawl His way to the Door. Luckily for Lee at His lower Level managed to blend into the insuring chaos as He suffered a serious series of pokes and jabs from the Merchandise that coated the floor like a freshly fallen snow.

After a very slow going Lee made it to the Door at last, and stood up before barging His way out to the perceived safety of the Parking Lot. Unfortunately for Lee the Porn Shop was under full blow fucking siege by the incensed Seniors. They were everywhere as far as Lee could see it was just one continuous Sea of Senior Citizens.

      

There was a large and boisterous Picket Line, as well as several People Preaching through Bullhorns from Milk Crate Pulpits. Lee could help but think that the Self Proclaimed Preacher present were all talking over one another so none of Their messages could actually be heard by anyone there.

Also the Senior’s inside had decided it was best to Purge the Porn Shop by not just plundering the Stores Merchandise, But where now actively throwing it into the Parking Lot as the Little Old Ladies outside cheered Them on with chants of “Salvation Over Sin!”, and “Pornography  is Blasphemy!”

        

This Lee thought was the biggest Irony of them all as Vandalizing and trashing the Porn Shop made perfect sense to Lee considering the situation. The thing Lee found so amusing was the Shop while being set back from the Highly Trafficked Route 22 the Parking Lot was completely visible to all the Motorists as well as Bicyclists, Joggers, Dog Walkers, and walking Locals.

So if the Senior Citizens Brigade of God Fearing Soldiers (here to restore Society’s Moral Compass from the Vile Scourges of Sexploitation) were here  to  Truthfully Protect Humanity then why the fuck would They subject the World to the Twisted Perversions They were so Heartily Fighting Against?

      

The point was The Sinful Sex Toys were now littering the ground for not just the Public to see, but since it was 3:00pm School was out. And with the combination of The Local Middle School being in the immediate area, and that the end of Route 22 (where the Shop was Located) turned from Commercial to Residential so there were also School Bus Stops near by. It was by far the Worst Strategy at the Wrong time and Place as an Anti-Porno Pro Christian Righteous Rally could have possibly occurred.

Lee got to His feet as fast as He could while bobbing and weaving through the enraged Mob to find some place anyplace where He could have a second to regroup. By the time Lee found shelter from the Porn Shop Shit Storm behind a tree (that was on the property line of the Porn Shop and the next Door Gas Station) He could hear the Police Sirens Screaming like Banshees in the back round.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Insane Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (16/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

    

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

     

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The blog that almost never happened

I have been an albatross. I have stopped doing the routines which make me sane on a daily basis. And in the process turned into a megabitch.

But hmmmmm maybe I was like that to begin with. It really doesn’t matter.
At the beginning of this year I set about with one far fetched rather self amusing goal. Which was for every year of my 30s (from 31 on), I was going to act the inverse age of what I actually was.

      

I did a pretty good job at it. For the last several months I have been literally addicted to playing online games. To the point it cut me off completely from the outside world. For a period of about one month, I did not listen to music more then several songs (down from about 100 or so songs per day roughly), did not go to the gym (down from 5-6 days per week), nor did I really leave the house for a whole hell of a lot of anything.

It has been about 3 days since the major part of this gaming addiction has been over. My gameadorkathon continues though because I have the chance to win another $350-$400, so I have been waiting and every two hours I am home I run off to check the Website and click to see if I won or lost the tournament I am in to see if this finally all can end.

   

It would be really nice to come out on top and really would be quite a thrill. Hopefully it doesn’t occur when I am drunk for my birthday that would really suck horribly. I want the whole ordeal to just end.

I finally made it to the gym again today and I have so far to go but this is primarily my doing. It is strange I have been through so many different addictions…..I wish I could figure out how to get addicted to sex I think that’s literally the final frontier but I’m sure if I met the right person who had enough booze and random cock floating by my face I could manage that one as well.

      

This is depressing. lmao. But ehhhhh this is where I have been literally. Cabo or Madrid or Tahiti would have made for a much more interesting tale but life is not interesting and well I apologize for my 13 year oldedness.

  By SpaceDog

By Far The Worst Strip Club I Have Ever Been To.

Now just to get it out of the way if after Reading this Post You honestly want the Address to this Surreally Shitty Strip Club (as it like to call itself) all You have to do is send Us an Email Requesting it. Ask and You shall Receive.

Back in My early 20’s I was Living in some shitty Section 8 Housing Apartment Complex with a Buddy of Mine I had met while in Rehab. He went by the nickname Kujo. He spelt Cujo with a K to be original. Here’s a fucking idea if You want to be original don’t pick the name of a Legendary Horror Character asshole.

Neither of Us had jobs and We spent Our days killing time fucking around aimlessly. We were basically broke most of the fucking time since We were self-Unemployed, and if We got hold of a couple Extra Bucks We pissed it away Parting.

It was one of those rare times when We were rather flush from having worked a couple of Day Jobs for some Day Labor Company, and had racked up some spending cash. We were sitting around shooting the shit trying to come up with some dumb shit to do. Finally Kujo volunteered We could go to The Strip Club. I had no fucking idea where the fuck there could be a Strip Club Our are area I sure as fuck didn’t know of one. So out of a mix of intense Boredom and Curiosity I said sure why the fuck not.

We got in My car and headed out to whatever Strip Club Kujo had been babbling about. We drove for about 15 minutes into the City Suburbs when all of a sudden Kujo told Me to park when I saw a spot on the Street. I though what the fuck are We stopping Here for? The I assumed Kujo was picking up some coke or some other Party Favor. I Pulled up to the curb and parked outside of what appeared to be a Block of Retail Stores that had closed hours ago.

   

I parked the car, got out, locked it, and proceeded to follow Kujo who had already started walking off down the Sidewalk. I kept waiting for Him to say some shit like “We’re going to see My Guy so be cool” or “I’m going to see mY Guy to pick up some Colombian Marching Powder so wait here a minute”, BUT Kujo walked instead of in total silence. Then out of no where Kujo stopped, took the last couple of drags off His Cigaret, and opened some fucking random nondescript Door. It honestly looked like a Door that would lead up to a Residence where someone was Living.

When I stepped through the exterior Door I found Myself walking directly behind Kujo since the Hallway We were walking down was so fucking narrow it felt like I had boarded a fucking Submarine instead of entering a fucking Building. The walls were painted this disgusting very light Yellow Pastel so for all I knew We had entered a fucking Elementary School or some shit.

     

Once We reached the End of this bizarre Hallway there was a Cashier’s Window the type you’d find at an Older Movie Theater. Behind the Glass sat this Older hefty Gentlemen where a light blue button down shirt that was 2 sizes too small for His Stature. He also was suffering from a bad case of Male Pattern Baldness. The most notable thing about the sunken eyed pale skinned Cashier was He seemed to be coated in a thin film of sweat from Head to Toe. We paid the bullshit $10 per Person Cover Charge, and then We turned to the Left where Kujo opened yet another Generic Plain Looking Steel Door.

We entered what immediately reminded Me of someone’s fucking basement that They had attempted to convert into a legit Strip Club, and failed fucking miserably. The entire “Club” was approximately 400-450 square feet in total. I suppose that the fucking Horrible Pastel Easter Yellow Paint must have been on Sale because the entire Room was Painted with it. The Walls, The fucking Ceiling, The Extremely Basic Desk like sitting area’s, and the Inside of the goddamn Door  it was almost made You feel Physically fucking Ill.

      

I couldn’t help but notice that this so called Basement Strip Club was lacking ALL the essentials that a Good Strip Club has. There was No Bouncer, No Sound System, No Bar, Not one single Stripper Pole, No Lighting System, No DJ, and No VIP Room. This “Club” was a tiny fucking Windowless Room painted in a Make- Me -Wanna- Vomit -Yellow, with Florescent Ceiling Lights, and that was almost completely Empty.

I was informed by Kujo that because this “Club” was ALL NUDE They didn’t Serve Alcohol, BUT You could Bring You Own which made No Sense to Me. They didn’t want to serve Alcohol to Their Customers, Yet They could Just BYOB it thus negating this weird sort of Alcohol Law. We had neglected to bring any Beer with Us which didn’t exactly help this shitty  situation.

We slowly made Our way to the other side of the Room and sat down on a fucking Steel Folding Chair (how fucking much of a cheap ass did the Owner have to be that He/She wouldn’t even spring for decent fucking Chairs?!) behind what looked like to Me as if a Office Desk and a Table had a fucking Kid, I assume They were Homemade especially for this Strip Club Shithole.

   

The Stage was just a Large fucking Block about 4 Feet high, 4 Feet Wide, and 10 feet long at the most, and Yes it was painted that Hideous fucking Yellow like everything Else. The Talent were NO WHERE CLOSE TO BEING ACTUAL STRIPPERS. The Girls lackadaisically mousied through a Doorway that was covered with a Black Sheet, NOT A CURTIN some asshole just tacked up a Bed Sheet, and called it a Day.

The Girls were already completely Nude when the strode out onto the Floor. They would then ascend to the whack ass excuse for a fucking stage, and pace around in a fucking circle and that was it. There’d be 6-7 Girls lingering onstage again pacing in a circle like a bored Zoo Animal in its Enclosure. They didn’t interact with the handful of Scummy looking Customers (Myself included not going to lie), They never Waved, Made Eye Contact, Talk to, Smiled at, or even fucking acknowledged They or We were even fucking there. The Talent seemed utterly oblivious to Their surroundings.

     

Every couple of minutes or so one of the Girls would be swapped out for a New one like a fucking Conveyer Belt of ass. After about half an hour I turned to Kujo and told Him as far as I was Concerned all this place was was a waste of $20, and that I was leaving to go look for the nearest Neighborhood Bar. Kujo begrudgingly agreed, and Our short Visit to this Clusterfuck of a Crappy “Strip” Club had finally come to an end.

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

    

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

    

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

The rest of the Day was painfully slow at The Porn Shop with just a sparse handful of Walk Ins off the Street, but no real customers to speak of. The Owner Lee had been told upon His hiring that if Sales were Slow, and it was costing more money to stay open than was Cash coming through the Door to just Lock Up early and knock off early.

It was common sense and Lee rather not be stuck at the Job if there wasn’t anything going on since Battling Boredom was Lee’s primary goal in Life. It’s why He had decided to dedicate the rest of His days on Earth Observing Humanity for one reason and one reason only that being People if nothing else were quite Entertaining.

    

Lee had also adopted a Socrates approach to the rest of His Life which was He accepted (and also admit if and when need be) that He in fact didn’t know jack shit about a single goddamn thing. This way His Ego wouldn’t interfere with what Other People could Teach Him.

People Lee had found were willing (or felt compelled to) talk about subjects that They knew little to nothing about at Length. Lee found this occurrence fascinating and figured that People did it for One of Two reasons.

        

First off it was an obvious Social Pressure. No one wants to be Left out of the Loop, and No One wants to be the designated Office Idiot. The Other reason for the was phenomenon was Ego Driven. People simply felt that on some level They had to prove Their Knowledge or Intelligence to Others when the chance presented itself. Bottom Line in Lee’s onion was People just like to Hear Themselves talk while being paid attention too.

Lee got Himself ready to leave gathering up His belongings, Counting out His cash Drawer, Shutting Down the Shop  Computer, Sexting up whatever was needed for the following Day, and systematically shutting the lights off as He went. Everything was going smoothly, and uneventful. That was until Lee went to finish His final Closing Time Task of Locking The Front Door thats when things got REALLY Interesting.

      

Lee walked over to the Front Door with Keys in Hand ready to lock up and Leave when He noticed the Little Old Lady standing directly on the other side of the Glass Door. Even thought the Glass door like the few Shop windows were Tinted Heavily, but Lee could still see the facial features of the Little Old Ladies due to the fact She was standing so close to the Door Her nose was almost smushed up against it.

As He peered through he Door at the Old Woman the first thought that crossed Lee’s mind was that This was Definitely going to be something different. Again for the Second time that Day Lee felt the Surge of Curiosity well up inside of Him.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 13/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Waiting by the phone

Everyone is happy. Happy awaiting the dawn of the new decade. And there I am half dead, half alive to the world. Mostly dead. The steady drum beat of hope has fallen by the wayside, taken somewhere by the wind or the incessant diner food calling my name when I just wanted to be left alone.

I slowly think of the joy and their faces, the new beginnings. Then i wake up on the train. I do not feel like I belong in this place, at this time, at this moment. Something feels off in the cosmic spectrum of things. Then flash forward……in the city. The city I love. The energy is more abundant then usual as the sleet ricochets off of my hoodie, down my face, into my core. I am right where I need to be.

As the streets become blurs and carbon copies of one another, I hear people talking but barely hear a sound. I see lights without cars and cars without drivers and people without souls. I feel all that is around me but then I…….nothing………nothing………..nothing

         

It’s just a long taxi ride. Blurring, dumbfounded, lax.

And off into the land of segmentation. Off into the great divide.

I find myself paying cover charges for drinks I will not have. Looking forth at the faces I will not be sucking. I wonder what exactly it is I am doing here. I am still wondering as I sit on this couch writing this blog. Everyone so horned up and me with my old yet new sense of decency.

It felt out of place. Like I should have been creating a stir or been getting escorted away or have been doing things in shower stalls. Shower stalls???? No mindflash backwards or is that forwards? Not sure. Nothing of want. Too drunk, too drunk, too drunk, too fat, too drunk, wow you’re a whore. All of these stretching for miles.

     

Time stood still. Exit stage right. Old grizzly bears. Exit stage left. Vast pools of dark chocolate surround me. Exit below ground, hoards of fake IDs. Exit stage me. Alone and cold and wondering where I was. Why am I here again???? Did I lose the memo?? Did they forget to carbon copy me on the last e-mail that was sent out????

I saw the ball drop on the TV. But when I saw you, the ball went up into my chest, up into the pits of my stomach. I would breathe and go back to normalcy. I wished I saw him, whoever it is that he might be.

And you stand off in your corner. You tell me to behave. You tell me to grow up. Then you breathe again and you tell me to stop being so old. To stop trying to race against time. I make a pit stop. You that tell me to change won’t even help me change my oil or wash my windows. I loathe. I mustn’t say too much. They are always watching.

    

I arrived home. If only I knew where I was at that time. If you only could have been sweeter, as sweet as the hottest apple pie that my grandmother would bake me on a warm spring day and heat even further on those cold spring nights.

It was all smiles. I wish they were real. But I captured their presence. I captured their meanings and their words and as if time stood still I was there again. With you. With the mercy that all can be well. And nothing is truly lost.

   By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Shane then scrawled His signature on the Credit Card Receipt, Said thanks for the Cool Question, Turned just in time to see Glen stick His head in the Door and Peer around disapprovingly, and double timed to towards the Door.

Lee had almost all the information He wanted, but He had to try and get Shane to Answer one lats Question before departing. “Why did Lester Lie to the Town Council telling Them that You Guys were making a Low Budget Horror Movie?”

   

“I thought a smart Fan like Yourself would have already figured that out.” Shane answer honestly surprised by the Question. Shane looked down at His feet for a minute before providing Lee with His answer. “It was because if You think the fucking Shop Onner’s were fucking pissed about it Imagine if Lester HAD told them the Truth about shooting a Indie Horror Flick? They would have Denied the Permits like a motherfucker, and We still would have Filmed the Scene, but We also would have been subject to the Legal Repercussions. The way Lester did it We had the Proper Permits to Film even though Lester Lied about What kind of Movie We were making it wasn’t technically illegal. It was just a dick Move Ya know.”

With that Shane exited and started His return to Work. Lee sat for a few minutes mulling over the conversation he had just had, and found it quite satisfying. Lee spent the next few hours surfing the Internet Googling the fuck out of whatever entered His Mind at that moment.

   

Lee spent the majority of His time wandering around the Internet reading up on the History of Cannibalism in Fiji. The most interesting documentation Lee came across was the Testimonials of various Christian Missionaries who had traveled to Fiji in the Hope of Converting the Natives. Now yes some where in fact Killed and Eaten over the Year of Active Cannibalism in Fiji.

Now Life in Historical Fiji was Brutal even for Those Missionaries that were luck enough to not be Murder and subsequently Consumed by the Native Tribes of Fiji was no fucking Picnic that was for sure. The Natives had a habit of Harassing the Hell out of the Missionaries. They frequently tossed Severed Heads or Limbs or Freshly Stripped Human Bones over the Walls on the Monitories littering the lawn with Their Human Leftovers.

     

Even more Outrageous were the Written Accounts of The Missionaries about the Rival Native Tribes returning from Battle with Prisoners in tow. The Natives were exuberant not just drunk on the Victory in Battle, But that They also got to EAT THE PRISONERS.

Lee thought this was a wonderful example of Perspective. To the Outside World (for the most part there were other Countries that indulged in the Ritual of Cannibalism) Cannibalism was one of the Greatest Taboos, Yet for the Cultures that Practiced Cannibalism (or Necro Cannibalsim or the Eating of the Dead) it was Perfectly Acceptable, and really not that a big of a deal that They ate People, its just what the did. It’s what They were taught growing up. Teaching the Next Generation the Practice of Cannibalism was just like Scumbag Racist indoctrinating They’re Young with Their Hate.

   

Stay Tuned for Kids Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

“So what exactly was it about working on THE DISEMBOWELER that made it such a Unique experience?” asked Lee casually again making sure to trend lightly to avoid stepping on Shane’s toe’s as it were and Derailing the Conversation.

“In a word Excitement. Everyday of Filming the Atmosphere was Holy SHit I can’t wait to see what happens next Type Vibe, and that was all due to Lester’s exceptionally Unconventional way of making a Movie.” Shane said trailing off a bit towards the End as if He was Traveling Back in Time through His Memories. Shane paused to pay Lee before picking up where He left Off.

   

“While it the first Film I worked on I showed up on Set for the first day Filming in absolute Awe of it all. There I was a 21 year old Punk Kid who just Graduated Film School 2 months before landing the DISEMBOWELER gig. I couldn’t believe My luck this was a REAL Movie, a Feature Length, Professionally Shot Movie with a Cast and Crew You know all the shit the Tell You about when Your in Film School. And now it was materializing around Me and I could barely believe it like I said I was truly Awe Struck.” Shane said with what seemed to be growing enthusiasm,”What made it Exciting was learning Trick of the Trade You know the shit They Don’t tTeach in Film Schools. It was My very first experience with the Gorilla Style of Movie Making.

   

Lee’s curiosity was buzzing like a Industrial Bug Zapper. Lee loved hearing People’s Stories especially Life Stories as They always seemed much more interesting than anything else in Lee’s opinion. Lee dared not interrupt Shane’s flow with some useless comment like “Really” or “Wow thats Crazy” so Lee stood transfixed looking at Shane intently.

Shane placed both His hands on the glass counter top, stretched, and let out a prolonged sigh before Finishing His story. Lee was concerned for a second that Shane had grown tired of talking, and well He did need to get Back to the Set before much longer.

      

“My most vivid and favorite Memory from working on THE DISEMBOWELER was on the very last day of Shooting, and We had acquired the Permits needed to Film on the Main street of this Little Bumkin Town. Now Lester had told the Town Council that He was requesting the Permit so He could Film a Documentary on Local Artists or some bullshit like that. Well of course on the Last Day of Filming the Last science We needed to Shoot was the Legendary Rampage Scene. I’m sure a Fan like You is well aware that the Scene was where The Disembowler is running down the Street in a Homicidal Blood Fueled Psychosis. The Scene required 7 Victims to be dispatched by being Disemboweled during the Rampaging Massacre. Needless to say the Local Shop Owners took GREAT Acceptation to having a small group of Out of Town Movie Weirdo’s running amok Filming multiple Gory Blood Drenched Fake Deaths while using Actual Real Pig Intestines (as well as several Organs such a Liver and Kidneys which were purchased from Town Butcher.” said Shane before taking a moment to check His watch to see what time it was before wrapping the Story Up.

    

“So We are about half way through Filming the Scene When The PA alerts us to the sound of approaching Police Sirens. No One knew what the fuck to do other than to just say fuck it and keep Shooting no matter what. As the Cops get closer and closer the Crew started to loose Their focus being distracted by the Police Sirens, and possible repercussions for Lying to get The Permit for Filming. Lester grabs this Old Beat the hell up Bullhorn circa the 1970’s and just goes Apeshit Crazy. He starts screaming at The Camera man that He better not stop shooting before We were done filming the Scene, Hollering at the Actor’s to stay in fucking Character, and yelling at PA to get the everything ready because We’d be leaving in a hell of a hurry. We managed to finish Filming the Scene, and We all split up running every which way towards whatever Vehicle We were closest to while trying not to Drop equipment or break a fucking Ankle in the process. It was complete chaos, BUT luckily We sped back to the shitty Motel where We were all staying during the Filming, grabbed Our shit as fact as possible, and franticly got the fuck out of Dodge before The Towns Folk brought the Hammer Down.”

   

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober