Working Out With Words: An Exercise In Intelligent Absurdity

Its that time of Year Folks. Time for the Washington Post’s MENSA INVITATIONAL once again.

Members of the Public  are invited to take ANY WORD from the Dictionary. The the Public was asked to ALTER THE WORD They picked by Adding, Subtracting, OR by Change One Letter.

Once the Word is Altered the Person must PROVIDE A NEW DEFINITION for the Altered Word.

 

Obviously We love Words We’re Writers. Words are the preverbal Tools of The Trade as “They”say. Words can Build Kingdoms or Destroy Empires. Without Words Mankind would live in a Silent World of Primitive Charades accented by Grunts.

Absurdity is a Extremely Versatile Tool it can Be Used for Creativity or Mockery. It allows the Reader to See things from FAR DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES that were invisible to said reader Prior to Reading.

We fully believe the Cliche “The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword” because You Can’t Kill Written Ideas, Thoughts, or Concepts nearly as easily as a Singular Human Being.

So without a Further Edu Here are 17 THE WINNERS of The Washington Post’s MENSA INVITATIONAL 2019 in No Particular Order.

   

  • Cashtration (n): The act of Buying a House, which renders the Subject Finically Impotent for a Indefinite Period of Time.
  • Ignoranus: A Person who’s BOTH Stupid and an Asshole
  • Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a Tax Refund which lasts until You realize it was YOUR MONEY TO START WITH.
  • Reintarnation: Coming Back to Life as a Hillbilly.
  • Bozone (n): The Substance surrounding Stupid People that stops Bright Ideas from Penetrating. The Bozone Layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of Breaking Down in the Near Future.
  • Foreploy: Any Misrepresentation about Yourself for the Purpose of getting Laid.
  • Giraffitit: Vandalism Spray Painted VERY, VERY HIGH.
  • Sarchasm: The Gulf between the Author of Sarcastic Wit and the Person Who DOESN’T GET IT.
  • Inoculatte: To take Coffee Intravenously when You are Running Late.
  • Osteopornosis: A Degenerate Disease (This one got Extra Credit as it Should)
  • Karmageddon:Its ike when Everybody is sending off all these really Bad Vibes, right? And then. like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious Bummer.
  • Decafalon (n): The Grueling Event of getting through the Day consuming ONLY Things that are Good for You.
  • Glibido: All Talk and NO Action.
  • Doppeler Effect: The Tendancy of Stupid Ideas to seem Smarter when They come at You Rapidly.
  • Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The Frantic Dance preformed just after You’ve accidentally walked through a Spider’s Web.
  • Beelzebug (n): Satan in the Form of a Mosquito, that gets into Your Bedroom at 3 in the Morning and CONNOT be Cast Out.
  • Caterpallar (n): The color You turn after finding half a Worm in the Fruit You’re Eating.
  •    

This List is a SPLENDID EXAMPLE of What is Possible When One isn’t Possessed by Social Media or Flappy Dappy Doodle Crush. Thinking IS an Exercise NO ONE wants to do Now a Days. Its all Point Click Stare Blankly at for Hours. Its the reason I sign off EACH POST with “Thanks for Reading” because it not just about Reading MY POST, But just Reading in General as opposed to Asinine App.

 

Thanks for Reading,

   Brought to You By Les Sober

Facebook Follies

Hello Readers,

I would like to Apologize in ADVANCE for the Lack of New Content for the Next Day or Two. I know You all must be getting tired of these interim issues, and again I apologize.

This is a Small Independent Operation of a handful of Like Minded Writers and Artists as such WE ARE BROKE AS HELL. Thats why We have to work exponentially harder to promote Ourselves than some of these other Blog Bitch Asses that hire a Professional Public Relations Department for Hundreds of Dollars a Month. Then They sit back and act Arrogant like They had something to do with the Promotion of Their Product.

      

People have suggested going the GoFundMe route to raise funds, But I have a strong aversion to that idea (for now anyway). I’m Hard Headed as Hell and Stubborn as shit.

Its more than likely a fucking Pipe Dream, but I’d LOVE to keep FYB totally Independent because the more outside influences invade FYB the more the Product will/would suffer.

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen and The Food Goes to Shit as “They” say. Only Time will Tell.

      

Anyway We are experiencing a All Hands On Deck to handle/combat the FACEBOOK PROMOTION PROBLEM. You see as Much as I despise FB its fucking FREE. And lets face even with The Cambridge Analytical (and other crooked as fuck shit orchestrated by MARK “Face Book” Zuckerberg) People are SO fucking ADDICTED They still use FB.

Even if They Object to all the Pimping of Personal Information to fuck knows Who, and for God knows for what fucking Purpose They can’t say NO MORE and QUIT FB. They’re strung out Social Media Junkies, FB is The Opium of the Masses circa 2019.

Well if You remember quite a few Moons ago I tried to Return to FB for the reason of FYB Promotion and 48 fucking hours later I was LOCKED OUT OF MY PERSONAL PAGE AND FYB’S PROMO PAGE.

  

Apparently FB tends to think I’m a Bot which is Mind Boggling. So I Said “Well I tried and FB still SUCKS DONKEY KONG DICK.” It has been suggested to Me that in My Manic Intensity jumping fully into the Project could lend someone to believe I must be a fucking Machine to work that Fast. And That Was That.

I realized recently I needed to get over Myself, Burry the Preverbal FB Hatchet, and Start Anew.

A Good Bud of Our’s by the Name of Norman McCoy volunteered to step in as Our Interim Social Media Supervisor, and We more than Happily took Him up on His offer.

     

On Tuesday Evening of this Evening McCoy has to a Free minute so He set up a Face Book Page to Chronicle the Goings On at FYB.

Wednesday McCoy logged into FB and spent an Hour and 17 minutes just putzing around more or less. That was until FB cut in and subjected McCoy to an impromptu Security Check. McCoy FULLY COMPLIED as best He could. I say that because some of the Questions didn’t have actual answers.

One of the Numerous Questions was the Bot Check You know the one where they show You a bunch of random Pictures and ask ‘Which are Pictures of Roads, Houses, Bridges etc. BUT FB’S READ ONLY: What am I Looking At?

It never specified WHAT You were supposed to be looking for to Answer the goddamn Question. So McCoy had to guess what the fuck FB wanted and replied “Random Street Scenes.”

   

After FB sudden and Schizophrenic Security Questions They demanded a Picture of McCoy sent to Them for “Review” WHICH HE DID SEVERAL TIMES. Yet FB has effectively locked Him out of the Account pending Their bullshit fake as fuck Security Picture Demand. I think its Safe to Say FB won’t be letting McCoy back in ANYTIME SOON or EVER for that Matter.

We took a internet stroll over to Good Old Reddit to see if anyone else knew what the fuck was going on as McCoy hadn’t violated FB’s Rules & Regulations as far as We and He were/are Aware.

We found more than a few People who were facing FB issues similar to McCoy. People were confounded as They too had been suddenly and unceremoniously by FB for Unknown reason(s) to Them. Some Poor Users managed to straiten the issue out ONLY TO HAVE IT HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN every several Days to Weeks to Months.

 

SO as far as Any of Us can decipher is it looks like after YEARS of virtually \unrestricted Use FB finally caved into PUBLIC PRESSURE to seriously beef up Their so called Security.

Also getting caught red fucking handed LYING, DECEIVING, and EXPLOITING FB User’s and selling Their Personal Information played a HUMUNGOUS part in FB’s PHONY APOLOGIES & BULLSHIT PROMISES to do better (and NOT COMPLETELY FUCK OVER Their Users FOR PERSONAL GAIN OR PROFIT.)

Thus FB is Scrambling Frantically Back Peddling like the Scumfucks They are to “Fix” the problems mentioned above. And in doing so have built a chaotic BiPolar Frankenstein Security “System” of some sort. Point is due to time requirements FB is SO HALF ASSING IT.

Regardless of all the issues, problems, and bullshit We at FYB have experienced with The FB Fucks We have NOT GIVEN UP. NOT BY A LOOOOONG SHOT.

We have phoned in a Designated Hitter if You will in Our Dear Friend, and Long Time FYB Family member Mr. JJ Jackson.

We Will Be Back, Just Try and Stop Us Fuckerburg. All You can do is Delay the INEVITABLE:E VICTORY OF FYB ON/OVER FACE BOOK.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

 

Quiz’s Quintessential Answer Key

Do to the insanely rigorous, highly detailed, and labor intensive nature of said Quiz only the TOP 20 Answers are Listed.

For the Rest of the Answer Key Results just shoot Us a Email at fyourblog404@gmail.com that simply says “DECODER RING”.

The Grading System is Strait Forward: Each Alphabetical Letter has been assigned a Numerical Value. Once You answered ALL 25 Questions You simply add up Your answers. Then check the Total against The Answer Key Located Below.

A. = 1,  B.=2,  C=3,  D=4,  E=5 and So On and So Forth.

      

The Top 25 Answers:

  • If You answers are ALL ODD: Your a fucking Wild Card. You deal in the Unconventional, and Unorthodox which leads some People to call You an Innovative Genius or Batshit Crazy. Your intensity drives Your Creativity, but if left unchecked it spiral out of Control words Self Destruction. Your walking an EXTREMEly thin line between Your own Personal Utopia or Your own Personal Hell on Earth. Remember Swords only have Two Sides.

      

  • If Your Answers were ALL EVEN: Your a walking talking Text Book Personality. Your Bland and Mundane the equivalent of a Blank piece of Copier Paper .You never allowed Yourself to Be Yourself, and thus suffocated  your Personality under Your own self implemented Restrictions. Break The Cookie Cutter that Molded You and Find Yourself before its TOO LATE. DOn’t let Your fucking disappointment drive You into the Grave of Regret.

      

  • If You Scored 1-24: Your indecisive I bet You take fucking forever to make a discussion. STOP ANALYZING EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE! Rock The Fucking Boat and Live DON’T JUST EXIST.

      

  • If Your Scored a 25: Break out the Tin Foil and Start making Hats, and Hanging Coat Hangers from Your Ceiling because Your about to be ABDUCTED BY MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS.

      

  • If You Scored 26-29: You will Travel to The Land of the Rising Sun more commonly known as Japan. You will go to Climb to the Summit of Mount Fuji. Unfortunately for You You hike through the Northwestern Flank of Mt. Fuji through Aokigahara Forrest or as its more commonly known The Suicide Forrest. Aokigahara is Notoriously known as the  WORLD’S SECOND MOST POPULAR SUICIDE LOCATION. You like so many others will simply Vanish never to be seen again. NO SWIMMING IN THE SEA OF TREES KIDS.

  • If You Scored a 30: Your a Trendy Hipster. Commercialism Defines You, YOU ARE YOUR POSSESSIONS. Your a fucking Sheep moseying to the Slaughter as it were. You should seriously think about doing the ENTIRE WORLD a fucking Favor and Hurry up and Die. Sorry You just SUCK that BAD.

      

  • If  You Scored a 31-39: Your Genetically Prone to Bear Attack so watch Your ass in the Woods. Smokey is NO Friend of Yours I assure You of that. He too is a Bear and will maul You possibly to Death just like Yogi or Boo Boo.

      

  • If You Scored a 35: You Have Genital Herpies, but hey thats better than fucking AIDS. Best You Stock up on Valtex now before its TOO LATE.

      

  • If You Scored a 36-39: You Will Be Killed By Spontaneous Combustion. Wish We had some advice unfortunately there is NO RESEARCH or Reliable Available Data on the Phenomenon.

   

  • If You Scored a 40: You will be part of the Colonization of Mars so Set Phasers to Stun, and Have a Safe Trip. Happy Travels and God Speed You Black Emperor.

      

  • If You Scored 41-44: We hate to be the ones to break this to You. Your Guardian Angel is a Demon in Disguise. We Recommend You See The Catholic’s about a Exorcism or Seek out a Reki Master to rid You of this certain Divinity Based issue. Tell Linda Blair Hi For Us.

      

  • If You Scored 45: Congratulations Your Related to Caligula one of the Sickest and Twisted Roman Emperors in all of Human History. Sorry not everyone can be related to Tom fucking Cruise or some other Famous Asshole.

      

  • If You Scored 46-49: You are Destined to be killed prematurely by a Tragic and Freak Colonic Accident. Talk about the Shit Hitting the Fan.

      

  • If You Scored a 50: WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER & GIVE YOURSELF A CIGAR. Make it a Fidel Castro Turn in His Grave.

  • If You Scored a 51-54: You will make Your Fortune by Buying Pork Belly Stocks and Selling Gold (Stocks). Just ask Mortimer I’ll bet You a Dollar He’s Trade Places with You in a fucking Heart Beat baby.

      

  • If You Scored a 55: Live Like An Angel, Die Like a Demon because You will certainly be Killed By Death. We’re NOT just spitting Venom are We Lemmy.

      

  • If You Scored a 56-59: You will be the First Person in History to Invent an ACTUAL WIDGET. You can use Economics to bring it to Reality.

      

  • If You Scored a 60: Your Not Real. You Believed Yourself into Existence. You Imagined Your Fiction into Fact. Keep the Faith or Literally Fade Away.

      

  • If You Scored 61-64: Your Your Own Doppelgänger a Non Biological related look a like Double (often considered Evil or Supernatural by Nature) of a Living Person. Technically You shouldn’t even still Exist. The belief goes if One meets Their Doppelgänger They BOTH WILL CEASE TO EXIST. You see  They cancel Each other Out of Existence like adding a Positive and a Negative Number. Well at Least Germany is Nice this Time of Year.

  • If You Scored a 65: Break Out the Spandex because You will be joining an 80’s Hair Metal Cover Band destined to become Local Legends. Just be sure to Remember along the way That Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

   

  • If You Scored 66-69: Get ready You’ll be Heading to Ozzy Osbourne’s Final Final Tour when it comes to your particular Town/City. You will have seats in the First Row Front and Center, BUT OZZY will be Tripping His Balls Off on a cocktail of Hallucinogens. Under the Influence Ozzy will Hallucinate that Your a Giant Fruit Bat, and will Bite Your fucking Head Off. At Least You won’t need to get Rabies Shots.

  • If You Scored a 70: You will have an illustrious Career as a Glu Sniffing Rhine Stony Professional Line Dancing Disco Cowboy. So Break Out the BeDazzler and Go fucking Nuts!

      

  • If You Scored a 71-74: You will become The World’s First BITCOIN MULTI BILLIONAIRE, The King of Crypto Currency. Unfortunately its NOT a RECOGNIZED CURRENCY by the Rest of the World so Spending it will be impossible. At least You can treat Yourself to one hell of a Dark Web Shopping Spree.

      

  • If You Scored a 75: You will be the One to Find Jimmy Hoffa who then union discovery will make You Disappear. At least its better than finding The Infamous  Bum Farto (and YES Bum Farto is/was a Actual Real Life Person, He’s good for a Google.)

      

  • If You Scored a 76-79: You will Win a Noble Prize for Your Research and Development of Robotics. Then You will venture into Fringe Robotic Sciences and start Experimenting on Yourself. Eventually You will become a Certified Cyborg, BUT You’ll have become Addicted to Robotic Body Modification. You will keep going until You in the end are 100% Robot. Look on the bright side Perhaps SkyNet is Hiring.

      

  • If You Scored an 80: You will Abandon Your current life, Home, Friends, Family, and Possessions for a Life as a Carnie bouncing From County Fair to County Fair, and Traveling Circus to Traveling Circus. You’ll become a Functional Alcoholic with a growing Meth and Pain Killer Addiction. You will Die leaving a 90 Pound, Toothless, Jaundice Ridden, Sickly Yellow Colored Corpse. You should have Listened to Nancy fucking Regan and just said NO.

  • If You Scored a 81-84: You will get Married and have a large Family. You will still live close to Your Parents and Siblings. You will have a successful enough career in Your Profession of Choice, and as so You will want to Care for Them incase You Die suddenly. So You get a Hefty Life Insurance Policy. 6 Months Later on One of Your Family Members (possibly working with One or More additional Family Accomplices)  will Murder You for the Life Insurance Money. Remember kiddies One of the FASTEST way to get Yourself Killed is Buying Life Insurance.

      

  • If You Scored a 85: You will become hopelessly Addicted to Hardcore Fetish Pornography and as a Result You will for Go Sleep and Food until You’ve Literally Masturbate Yourself to Death. Remember Kiddies TOO MUCH of a GOOD thing can fucking kill Your ass.

  • If You Scored a 86-89: You will meet Your Idol, Murder Them, and Take Their Place. DYI Bodysnatchers.

      

  • If You Scored a 90: You will be the First and Only Person to Navigate down to the VERY BOTTOM of The Maritime Trench more than 36,201 feet Below Sea Level. You will see Wonders that No other Human has ever laid eyes on. You’ll see Aquatic Sea Creatures No One even knew Existed. You will see the Secrets Beneath The Sea no one has been able to See, but not due to a lack of trying mind You. Sad to say You will never be able to tell a single Soul what You saw as You will Be Devoured by a Undiscovered Species of Giant Predatory and Deadly Jellyfish.

      

  • If You Scored a 91: Your Fate is Sealed. You one Day take a Tour of the Distillery where Your Favorite Alcoholic Beverage is Made. During the Tour some impatient Asshole will shove His/Her way forward from the Back of the Group to the Front. Inevitably this Unknown Asshole will invariantly push You into a MASSIVE Fermentation Tank where You will Drink Yourself to a Euphoric Death while waiting to be fished out. So much for Drinking Responsibly.

      

  • If You Scored a 92: Well We’re not sure what the fuck to say really. 92 is obviously a PERFECT Score, Yet NOBODY IS IN FACT PERFECT. As far as We can tell You must be an Inter Dimensional Entity or Being from a Parallel Universe. Thats It. Thats all We got.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Behavioral Relapse Wreaks Havoc At Medical Office

Just the other day I had the displeasure of seeing My Secondary Doctor for a routine check in (not up as They already know what the fuck is going on with Me) to make sure Their Machines are running smoothly.

Now YES I do hate the hell out of Doctors thats a WELL Documented Fact, BUT being aware that Doctor’s/Doctor Offices’s are a trigger that will set me off like a fucking bomb means I have to do something about it.

Just being aware of the problem isn’t enough.

I fucking hate People who act like assholes, and then use some Medical/Psychological issue They have simple as an excuse. Having a Medical or Mental condition ISN’T A FREE PASS TO BE A JACKASS.

If You know what the fuck is wrong with You then its on YOU to FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM or at least TRY to the BEST of Your Ability. Sitting around saying ” Oh its because  I have…..” IS A UTTER BULLSHIT.

Anyway back to the Story. We…Oh hold on ok. I say We because I bring My Wife with Me whenever I can as a sort of Good Behavior Insurance Policy though like this time it DOESN’T always work.

So We got to the Office and it chock full of Living Corpses as per usual, YET We didn’t have to wait an exorbitantly long time before getting summoned into the back.

Once there The Tech came in and did Her 5-6 minute system check, everything came back fine and that was that. Of course I couldn’t get the fuck out of a Doctor’s office without someone taking My fucking Vitals. It’s no big deal because its quick and Painless.

THEN the Nurse taking My vitals said that My Doctor’s Nurse Practitioner would be in Shortly. As I sat there a FEW things started to occur to Me. The first was oddly about My Primary (and only other) Doctor, and how He had been a moody fucker the last time I saw Him.

Apparently He was still bent out of shape about what I had said pertaining to Doctors, The Shitty Healthcare System, and How it Financially Rapes Patients while Doctor’s seem utterly fucking oblivious.

Then it dawned on Me why was I still waiting? The Appointment thus far had gone quickly and everything checked out fine so what the fuck?!

See My Primary Doctor has jurisdiction over every aspect of My Health like a Team Coach. The Secondary Doctor was called in as a Pitch Hitter meaning He was there to preform one Job, and when it was done that was essentially it outside of a Post Op and 3 month check ups.

I was curious then at first at what the hell the Nurse Practitioner could do for Me/Do Period. They had My Vitals. The Machinery was Checked and Signed Off On, and since thats all They ACTUALLY CAN DO FOR ME what then was I waiting for.

Patience is a Virtue I was Born WITHOUT.

Around 10 minutes went by and I getting less curious and FAR more irritated. At 15 Minutes I’ve losing self control at an increasing rate. At the 15 minute marker the Nurse Practitioner came bouncing into the Exam Room.

She was one of those fucking Happy, Peppy, Rainbows and Bunnies Cheerleaders of Life Types which is the LAST thing I want to deal with when I already about to go Ape Shit.

Of course the first words out of this Woman mouth is asking How am I doing? I said sarcastically that I’m at a goddamn Doctor’s Office so anyway you look at it its shitty.  She then tied to asses the situation as to what I the Patient was getting so wound up by/about.

I tried to reel Myself back in, but I could feel My Rational Thought giving way to Intense Emotion, but I started getting all tripped up (and a tad bit tongue tied) which only served to make shit worse.

Then I simple thought to Myself why am I struggling to stay Sane? Fuck It. Let Go. BE BRUTALLY HONEST no matter what DO NOT HOLD BACK.

And then the Shit Storm hit the Fucked Up Fan.

I hate when People say after these situations “Oh Thats Not Who I AM Anymore, Thats Not Me, I USED to be like that etc” BULLSHIT. Even if You’ve done Your due Diligence and corrected the particular issue You may be having YOUR STILL YOU.

YOUR STILL THE SAME PERSON, YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Anyway I don’t exactly know what happened over the course of the next few minutes as I was busy relishing the chaos I was creating by deliberately CHOOSING to be a Absolute Asshole.

I remember something about yelling at My Wife “See this is what the fuck I’m talking about, this bullshit right fucking here, WHAT THE FUCK is this Shit?!”. Then there was a Barrage of F-Bombs. I was dropping them like I was Invading the fucking Exam Room.

Then things quieted down as I stopped to catch My breath, My Wife Held Her Own, and The Nurse Practitioner was trying to figure what the fuck She had unknowingly just walked into.

The Nurse Practitioner was the first one to break the extremely brief silence by say that if I calmed down and did as asked I wouldn’t have too see the twats for a year or if I didn’t I’d have to see them every 6 Months.”

THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY RIGHT THEN.

I like everyone else I know DO NOT appreciate being TALKED DOWN TO in a CONDESCENDING MANNER AS IF I’M A FUCKING CHILD or A FUCKING IMBECILE. Doctor’s have developed this as way of dealing with Angry,Nervous, Anxious, Problematic, Combative, Fearful, Depressed by Talking Down to Them like Children.

Let me just take a second to say its even worse for Senior Citizens because EVERYONE talks to the Elderly like the Child Minded Morons. It as if People have come to believe at some age you automatically become a Senile Invalid. There is actually a fucking term for this its called “Elder Speak”, and is an acknowledged and rampant problem within the Healthcare System.

In all do fucking favor The Medical Community is actively eradicating the issue of insulting Elder Speak as its fucking Insulting, Rude, Ignorant, Humiliating, Degrading, Demoralizing, and Dehumanizing.

DON’T TALK TO YOUR ELDERS AS IF THEY ARE CHILD LIKE IDIOTS. REMEMBER THE REALITY OF THE IGNORANCE OF YOUTH. You aren’t Invincible and YOU WILL DIE. Grow the fuck Up.

Anyways again back to the Story. I as you may have imagined I immediately told Her “DON’T  fucking talk down to Me like I’m fucking some sort of fucking Idiot who fucking can’t fucking understand a fucking thing, I’M NOT A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD NOR A FUCKING IDIOT so stop talking to Me like I Am for fuck’s sake.

The Nurse Practitioner retreated then pausing at the door to tell Me to wait a little longer until some other assfuck comes in for some unnecessary shit. I looked at Her and asked if She was Stupid, Insane or Insanely Stupid?! At this point the question isn’t asked in Anger, but more Confusion.

I couldn’t for the fucking life of Me figure out WHY would She even think of asking Me to wait again wasting MORE of My fucking Time when I was already Pissed Off and not afraid to Show It Either.

Smartly before I could spit some more Venom Her way She just closed the fucking door. A moment later the Nurse Practitioner reopened the Door and told Me not to worry about whatever it was She had babbled at Me about.

I stood up instantly while slamming the chair I had been sitting  against the wall loudly. I then strode out of the Exam Room in about 2 strides out into the Hall. Due to being Angry Asshole I couldn’t figure out if Left or Right was the way out so I figured fuck it I have a 50/50 chance of being right.

I then realized I went the wrong way but had gotten turned around in the Labyrinth of a Office, and I had no real idea how to reach the exit. A Nurse came around the corner and almost banged into Me eliciting a “FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!”

Luckily for All I heard the Nurse Practitioner loudly informing Me where the door out into the waiting room actually was. I stormed out into the exam room giving My Patented “Say Something I’d Love To Violently Murder The God Living Shit Out Of You” Glare.

I of course have never seen this look and have tried to replicate it staring in mirror glaring at Myself like some sort of asshole. In the end though everyone says its never comes close to the Real Thing.

I truly hope someone at some point has the wherewithal to snap a picture with Their fucking Cell Phone because for Me its like hunting for Bigfoot while simultaneously BEING BIGFOOT.

Now by the time I hit the Exit door to Freedom I heard an Staff Member (Don’t know who/which as My back was to Them) ask bewilderedly where it was I was going. The Response They received as I answered over My shoulder not looking back was “As Far The Fuck Away From You Fucks As Possible.”

Fortunately for Me over the Last Year of Medical Madness managed to NOT act like an asshole for basically 11  Months out of 12 (The issue presented itself in Early January with almost Dying, and was Fully Under Control by Mid December after Second Surgical Procedure.)

BOTTOMLINE: If you have a Health issue be it Mental OR Physical AT LEAST TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR SHIT ALL THE TIME AND ACT THE ASSHOLE.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

The Gaming Conundrum

Why doesn’t spacedog post as much as he should? The title of this blog basically explains it all.

While I cannot tell you why I am even play certain games that suck it always ends the same. With massive upheavals or drama.

I have a few moments I’m a bit more proud of then others.

My ultimate favorite is i got into one of the top 2 or 3 guilds in a castle invander style mobile game. Things went well at first until I simply asked about the discord. It was during some event and whoever was running the guild was too stupid/lazy to make one. SO I got the boot cuz i disrupt some event. No warning nada.

Then my revenge. It all started with some simple trooling nothing to brag about honestly. People do really hate when you shit on their kids though. Dude sent me a death threat. He got banned.

Then another person was really annoying me. Hardcore. They had a facebook linked account. I will not divulge my methods of madness but this occured in the end. I found a programming flaw in under an hour and got into their game account. Sold everything they owned. Flamed the chat room some after changing their name 10 times with their premium currency.

Honestly i haven’t had that much fun in a chat room since the AOL heyday. People gave out passwords like the oceans gave out salt. Nothing nefarious was done on my part. I had friends get credit card numbers through instant messages.

The best chat room was caller GNN. It probably only lasted for less than a year but it was basically 99 people chat rooms but you had the option to change your handle every 5 minutes.

Oh did we. We’d be ourselves, the elderly and 12 year olds mostly (we were 15 not a huge stretch). The best is when we got some dude to show up at a 7-11 to meet a nonexistent girl. This may have been the longest period of sustained laughter in my life when he showed.

Otherwise the game and chat shenanigans are relatively boring. Calling someone names, getting too drunk, hitting on someone in an unamusing (to them) way.

Right now I think I am having a fight about math. Seriously. Just when i didnt think it could get any nerdier. It really doesn’t matter though the game sucks. I will win either way. If i get kicked i quit and if i legit win my arguement i may actually lose. Conundrum.

It’s like coffee though. You have a bad cup or 2 to get your fix. ALL addiction is the same. I probably did something else ridiculous that i can’t really recall. I can’t think straight.

Time for my sludgy morning joe.

   By SpaceDog

The Snapple Situation Depletes Sanity

I decided to write this rather impromptu Post BECAUSE it’s No Joke an Extremely Effective Example of the Bizarre shit that tends to happen to Me, and has My entire fucking Life.

I may have touched on the fact last year was a Surreal Trip Down The Medical Rabbit Hole as once more Life TRIED to Murder Me. And again I found Myself in the Best Case Scenario for being in a Seriously Shitty Situation.

Anyway all that shit is disappearing fast in the Rearview Mirror, and I’m doing just fine so fuck it Alls Well that Ends Well.

I used to Only drink Water be it Bottled or Tap I don’t care the Bottled Water Craze is a fucking Scam. Then when as They’ve been known to do (and have many times before over the Decades The Medical Community changed They Recommendation/Supposed Health Facts.

The Medical Community had rallied the American Public into a fucking frenzy over HYDRATION. It became the Prime Topic of conversations, dominated advertising, and had countless Medical Professionals agree Hydration was a Serious issue facing Americans.

HYDRATE became a Social Mantra REMEMBER TO HYDRATE, ALWAYS BE SURE TO HYDRATE, DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE, STAY HYDRATED, HYDRATION IS IMPERATIVE, and EVERYONE IS DEHYDRATED IS A FUCKING EPIDEMIC NO ONE IS HYDRATED PROPERLY.

Well just a short time ago The Medical Community realized that People were now in fact OVER HYDRATING which just like Dehydration can be detrimental to a Person’s Health, and could even result in Death.

Once again Mankind learns that its not always wise to try and Out Think Biology. The point being its one of the many times Doctors/Scientists reaffirmed the HUMAN BODY CAN HANDLE ITSELF.

BOTTOMLINE: If Your Body needs Hydration it Triggers Thirst Sensation,  and We then Drink WHAT WE NEED exactly the way it was Engineered.

Now one of the Things I can drink that doesn’t piss My Doctor off like Beer is Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

In the Beginning it was the time of year many Friends/Family of Mine are Zipping up and down the Coast, and all I did was ask Them to pick up any Snapple Lemon Iced Tea while up North or in Route.

This worked BRILLIANTLY as believe it or not is easy to find Snapple Lemon Iced Tea out here where I live. Don’t get Me wrong They do Carry and have tons of OTHER Snapple Flavors IN STOCK, yet I think the Ones They do have taste like Liquid Ass.

Thats why the Whole Snapple Train as I called it was so great because it was essentially Importing what I needed in a geographic area almost utterly devoid of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

Well in the end after 4 months I had managed to gather the SPARSE amount of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea in My region combined with all the Imported shit had created the desired Giant Stock Pile.

THEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO PROGRESSIVELY DETERIORATE QUICKLY………

As I sustained Myself as it were on said Stock Pile it became increasingly difficult to Replenish. Each Time I drove an fucking Hour or so to a more populated Area there was LESS AND LESS Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. This is what started the Snapple Situation to Start Spiraling Out of Control.

It got to the point that it wasn’t uncommon for whichever of The Particular Stores I went to to be COMPLETELY OUT OF STOCK.

This started scenario spiraled out of control.

It finally got so fucking bizarre with the Stores as far as Stock I started contacting the Manager’s of such places as Grocery Stores, and asked if I could place a Special Delivery. Surprising to Me (I’m a Natural Born Pessimist) SEVERAL Managers said Sure and took My Order.

Again it started off Promising as Hell, but fell fucking FLAT. A week or two would pass without word so I would end up calling the Store to find out what the fuck was going on.

EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME I got apologies along with a bunch of Boonie bullshit. I was be told the Person who places to orders was informed, The Trucks got fucked up in Transit, or Their Supplier was OUT OF STOCK.

So The Store were now useless along with trying to place specific Orders THROUGH the RETAILER.

I then did the last thing possible and I went Online. I found a place and Ordered a 12 pack of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea, BUT the Cost of Shipping was totally outrageous.

I continued My Online hunt until I found a place thats prices were reasonable and offered FREE SHIPPING! And again things looked like they had at last be remedied, BUT NO.

Two Weeks past so TODAY I called the Company directly to inquire as to why the fuck I hadn’t received My Order Yet. The Dimwit on the other end of the fucking phone put Me on hold for fucking ever to check on My Order.

When the Dimwit returns They inform Me…are you ready….THAT Snapple LEMON ICED TEA IS OUT OF STOCK, and They would be refunding My money.

And while I was glad to get My cash back I told the Dimwit how I thought it was fucking stupid that NO ONE CONTACTED ME about the issue at hand, and wasted My fucking time.

I have since contacted Snapple Via E-mail and strait up asked:

“Are You Discontinuing Lemon Iced T because I can’t fucking find it to save My fucking Life, AND THAT INCLUDES ONLINE?!”

Snapple was kind enough to respond with a generic template computer generated form letter saying How They’re sorry I’m having trouble, They Value Me as a Customer, and NO They are NOT Discontinuing Snapple’s Lemon Iced Tea and have NO plans to do so Now or in the Future.

So as of NOW I’m left Ass Out in the Cold with My Dick in My hand as it were feeling like I’ve lost My fucking Mind.

 Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Bongs True Works of Art

Bongs Have Come Along Way in the Last Couple of Decades as Marijuana becomes more and more Legal through out the 50 States.

They have gone from a Generic Piece of Paraphernalia to Actual and Awesome Works of Art.

Here is a Small Sampling of some Exceptional Pieces.

    

    

     

    

    

     

        

  

      

       

 

 

    

      

    

      

      

        

        

        

        

    

   By Les “Then” Sober

Biblical Bewilderment: A Couple Questions for Christians.

I believe the Bible is a very good read, and recommend giving it a read.

I also DO NOT Believe that the Bible is in anyway a Religious Text.

I’m from the School of Thought that the Bible serves a Moral/Ethical Guide, a “How to Live a Good Life Manual” if you will. The Bible in My mind is an equivalent of  Esop’s Fables for Adults. Thats to say each story while entertaining has a distinct and definite Moral/Ethical Lesson contained within.

I consider Myself a Spiritual Person rather than Religious. Not that there is anything wrong per say with Religion itself its when Man gets involved, and creates ORGANIZED RELIGION.

Organized Religion is a Bastardized form of Religion in which Man takes precedent over His God. So when it comes to Religious Texts/Training/Teachings/Education/Interpretation Man Himself dictates Organized Religion in His understanding NOT THE WORD of a God.

That aside I remain open minded to the Possibility of Christianity, BUT I have some pertinent questions for Currently Practicing Christians of ANY DENOMINATION.

   

Let US Begin.

Why is there a 800 year old gap between the Writing of the actual Bible and when it was first complete?

Some blame the Dominate and Ruling Roman Empire for being so Anti-Christian that they banned any Christian Religions Texts or Teachings.

This drove Christianity underground for a time, and the Partitioners had to hide in the shadows using an oral tradition to keep the Bible/Bible Stories/Teachings alive in this period of oppression.

   

I’m not debating this Roman Empire Oppression, BUT Why didn’t some Partitioners just move out of the Roman Empire, and Practice Christianity in Peace and free from prosecution.

And also have you ever played The Telephone Game then you know how distorted and twisted a single sentence can become in a matter of just a couple of minutes. Now imagine an Telephone Game that spanned 800 fucking years. See what I’m saying?!

Question Two How can Jesus who was a JEW (The Jewish Faith has suffered the most oppression and persecution for practicing Their Religion, and Christianity played a HUGE PART) somehow end up becoming the Savior of a completely different Religion?

   

I mean for example Buddhism didn’t commandeer say Muhammed from the Muslim Religion to use Him as Their Prophet, Leader or Messiah.

Question 3 How come the first half or The Old Testament of the Bible t(he Primary Christian Religion ) was written by Jews?

I wouldn’t attempt to take the first half of a Religious Text, and then rewrite the second half modeled on My particular and different Religion.

Question Four was addressed in  The Kevin Smith’s movie Dogma. The question is once Jesus talked to the Angle Micheal, and was informed of Who He really is/ His purpose where did He disappear to for 30 years?

Jesus was approximately 8 years old when He learns His ultimate Fate, and then He vanishes for three fucking Decades only to return on the Bible as a full grown 38 year old man with NO EXPLANATION?

Question Five pertains to the Crucifixion or more over its Biblical Depiction. It is a fucking Scientific and Anatomically IMPOSSIBLE to Crucify a Person threw the Palms of the hand as show in countless Christian depictions of Jesus. Quite simply the weight of the Human body combined with Gravity would cause the Hands to tear in half.

      

Also Nailed person threw Their feet while they are placed one on top on the other is also completely impractical in the act of Crucifixion. More than likely the feet were secured by placing the victims feet on side of the Cross, and then nailed in place next to/around the ankle.

Question Six is of all the improbable Stories in the Bible We are supposed to believe Jesus DIED for 3 days only to Rise from the Dead as if to say “See They TOLD YOU I’m the Messiah!” before then ascending to Heaven?

Question Seven is how can Jesus be The Son of God while simultaneously being God as well. How do does a Father physically become His own Son? This is either a bad case of Schizophrenia or one of the most famous cases of Inbreeding ever recorded.

      

Question Eight is about the Christian Depiction of Jesus as a Pale White Man with or without a full beard, Blue Eyes, and long blonde hair? Its been Historically PROVEN if Jesus did in fact exist He would have been Mediterranean meaning He’d been a Person of Color with Brown Eyes and Black Hair.

And since We are on the subject of Christian’s version of Christ why when depicted on the Cross Jesus again personifies the epitome of what most people would consider quite attractive?

I mean He’s  got a 6 pack of Abs, Not an ounce of body fat, and is Ripped long and lean like a fucking Professional Swimmer?

   

Question Nine is about Religious Relations. Since as aforementioned Jesus was Jewish, AND the First Half of The Bible was written by The Jews how the fuck do Christians Historically to Condemn/Dislike/Disparage/Prosecute/Criticize/Dismiss The Jewish Religion/The Jews?

Without Judaism Christians wouldn’t have Jesus as Their Messiah, and Only Half of a Bible? If anything it looks like to me that the Christians should be thanking the Jews for all the fucking Help by providing some founding of fundamentals of The Christian Faith.

   

Last Question is Number Ten. How is it The Jews according to Christians were the sole reason for They Crucification and Subsequent Murder of Their Messiah (aka Jesus)? Last time I checked it was THE ROMANS who condemned Jesus to Death by Crucifixion.

Now true The Romans had some assistance locating Jesus thanks to JESUS’S DESCIPLE JUDAS?

   

There is a Theory Juda’s last name which in the Bible is Iscariot is more than likely a corruption of the Latin Sicarius (defined as  “Murderer” or “Assassin” which seems very fucking convenient considering the Story. Now Sicarius were a Jewish Group who were the most Radical and Fanatical Sect of Judaism.

This to Me seems WAY TO FUCKING CONVENIENT, and its as of now Judas’s last name debate is UTTERLY UNFOUND and is NOT an indisputable fact by Theologians. So Judas’s possible Last Name or a Variant is just a Hypothesis or in Lay Man its just a GUESS OR SOMEONE’S PERSONAL BELIEF.  

Thanks for Reading    By Les Sober

A frozen moment in mind

I’m frozen here at the crossroads
Where not a moment of time doth pass
Sitting here with a vacancy sign
Yet it’s been so long
The motel doesn’t remember when it felt its final blast

Bouncing off clouds as expansive as the mind can dream
Listening to the dawn creep forth
Between the cries of the banshees
And your several last hypocrisies

Molded to the roadway
Your spirits charge around
I can feel the victory
Yet am not sure the victory will be found

Bewildered as to why this capsule
Ever travelled so darn far
Hampered by the lack of brilliance
Why has the darkened sky taken me to the brightest fading star?

Lucid and rebellious
Cunning and mystique
Nothing is remembered
As I hibernate back to my sheath

Terror has forgotten
Malaise has taken its own path
Leaping bugs recalling
When the ground wore down their backs

This dawn has come upon us
We lost it along the way
And as he forever marches
Comes the beauty of my day

  By SpaceDog

Intelectual Idiots

Alright I need to vent a little here because of Twitter’s Hypocrisy and Double fucking Standards.

Have You ever been at a Party where there inevitably is some Friend of a Friend (or some Asshole’s Acquaintance) who thinks They’re the Smartest Person at the Party, and feel the need to somehow prove it to Everyone else there?!

Now if a Person is just plain Dumb thats fine because its fixable. All the Person has to do is Educate Themselves More. If a Person is in fact Stupid then They are just Screwed because You can’t do dick with Stupid.

    

The Intellectual Idiot is the Asshole at home who googles Medical Conditions and Treatments on Web MD or some shit like it, and then thinks They’re now some how smarter than an actual fucking Doctor.

I fucking hate those type of People.

Now Couple People I follow on Twitter unfortunately follow a few Prime Examples of the “I’m a Intellectual and That Makes Me Smarter than Everyone I know or Meet” Mentality. This is fine if They want to follow these 2 Jackbags that’s Their right, BUT They also Retweet some of The Wannabe Intellectual’s Tweets.

I won’t use EITHER ASSHOLE’S Twitter Handle because I don’t want to give them any added attention, and I don’t need any bullshit from Them if Our Paths Cross, and They continue to dislike what I write about Them in Particular.

I can still in spite of the above simply address Them as Mr. or Mrs. Asshole since luckily for Me because I have a Intellectual Asshole of Each Sex (and Yes Women can be Assholes its 2019 catch up Asshole)

Anyway back to the point.

Mr. Asshole was in his own right was a pioneer, Leader, Successful Business Owner,and Political Activist. Thats why is a damn shame He’s become nothing but a bitter, and shitty second rate version of His former self apparently. In all honesty I think He just burned Himself the fuck out, ran Too Hard for Too Long until it all fell apart so to speak.

Nowadays Mr. Asshole spends a great deal of time Tweeting about His Country’s Government, its Laws, and Policies. He bitches constantly and whines about things not being fair/not good enough, BUT IF THE GOVERNMENT HAD CONSULTED HIM everything would be hunky fucking dory.

    

See This Intellectual Idiot ( AKA Mr. Asshole) looks down on the His Government, and assumes He knows better than any of Them how to run the entire fucking country. He has never Run for Office, Held a Public  Office, or has any Educational back round what so fucking ever in Politics.

Mr. Asshole in REALITY knows as much as any average person who’s versed Themselves on the Current Events, and the Daily Situations(s) going on in the News/Media/Social Media .

Mr. Asshole picks a relevant topic BUT, the Feeble Fodder in Mr. Asshole’s Tweets are in NO WAY FACT. Its all  JUST HIS OPINION.

  

This is a Classic Trick Wannabe Intellectuals use to confuse People into thinking They’re actually smarter than They really are.

As for Mrs. Asshole She is FAR, FAR WORSE than Mr. Asshole.

Mr. Asshole thinks He’s vastly more Educated than He actually is while Mrs. Asshole fancies Herself more of a Philosophical and Sociological Intellectual.

Mrs. Asshole wants the World to know  She’s a (self proclaimed)  Deep Thinker of Profound Thoughts a Intellectual that makes Regular People think if you will.

She waxes endlessly about Social Issues like Race and Sex for example, and adds Her irrelevant Opinion. She recently Tweeted some bullshit like

“Humanity should abolish Heterosexuality.”

You want to know how She came up with that Gem of Wisdom? The Asshole was smoking fucking Weed, got High as Hell, and Thought to Herself  Whoooooa…. What if like EVERYONE ON EARTH WAS GAY?!? Then She Elevated the Wording, and BAM now She considers Herself a Modern Day fucking Philosopher like the fucking Plato of Millennials.

Mrs. Asshole has to get Her shit together and get over Herself. You see 75-80 % of the inane babble She posts is just regurgitated cliches sometimes with a Twist or Spin thrown in.

The point is if you try and DEBAT the subject of one of Her nitwit Tweets She can’t back up Her Point/View/Opinion/Argument.

This is due to the fact SHE DOESN’T ACTUALLY KNOW A DAMN THING, She just says shit She THINKS makes Her sound oh so very smart, but has NO REAL understanding or knowledge of the subject matter at hand.

My point is Remember Kiddies Socrates was Declared the Smartest Man on Earth by The Oracle of Delphi BECAUSE HE ADMITTED HE KNEW NOTHING.

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober