Not All Swings Are For Children…

One of My Dearest Friends Mr. Matt (who died far too young) who wasn’t just a incredible Story Teller he also had some of the best Stories I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.

I found Myself the other evening indulging in a few too many Beers and reminiscing about My time with Mr. Matt when I realized I could help immortalize Mr. Matt’s insane Stories by Posting them.

I then realized that since its been much longer than I can comprehend since the World Lost Mr. Matt and that I’m only getting Older if I was going to help preserve Mr. Matt’s Wonderful Tales I better start soon as possible.

Thats the only malfunction of Memory is that while it helps us remember our friends and Family etc. its designed to Fade, and I can’t in good conscience let these Terrific Tales fall by the wayside to be forgotten.

Mr. Matt and I shared a common confusion when it came to kids and communication. Thats to say We both liked kids its just when it comes to talking to kids it was an exercise in awkwardness.

I think its because kids have several behavioral/emotional/intellectual stages pertaining to their age, and its hard for me to tell what phase the child is in thus how to exactly relate to it. Let me explain a bit here.

The Stages as I understand them are basically this. First the kid is a “Newborn” then it transitions into an Infant. From there Kids evolve into Toddlers, and then the kid hits some shit called “The Terrible 2s” (which means your kid is going to be a real asshole so heads up)

Then the kid hits double digits turning 10, and I have no fucking clue what so fucking ever what the fuck the “Tween Years” are or about.

Then Puberty hits the Kid like a freight fucking Train and all hell started breaking loose like a real Shit Storm. I fully believe NO ONE can actually communicate with a Teenager THEIR RAGING ASSHOLES.

So without Further A do Here is Mr. Matt’s “Not All Swings Are For Children”

It was a fine fucking day in the sweltering Great Southern Swamp and Mr. Matt and His Partner were lounging about lazily sipping cocktails as they milled idly about the house.

Now there was at the time a little girl around the age of 5 or so who lived a few houses down the street from Mr.Matt who had become utterly infatuated by Mr. Matt and His Partner. She had started a habit of leaving little tokens and presents (like little crafts, a drawing so on and so forth) on their Welcome matt outside the front door.

Well apparently the Father of said Little Girl has decided to walk over to Mr. Matt’s house with his young daughter in tow. He wanted to see if the Neighbors were ok with his kid leaving presents outside their door daily (like a fucking Cat leaving you a dead mouse to help really make your morning.)

Mr. Matt and His Partner answered the door and invited the two inside for a quick social bullshit chat. The adults were standing around in a loose triangle formation discussing the topic of the Child’s obsessive present giving.

Things were going fine as the mundane chitchat rambled on until Mr. Matt looked down and noticed the Daughter was missing having wondered off to explore the rest of his house. Mr. Matt panicked though he hid it well.

You see Mr. Matt and His Partner had a “Adults Only” room in their house shall we say, and Mr. Matt realized instantly that the normally secured door to the “Adults Only” room had been carelessly left open.

Mr. Matt raced around the house as fast as he could without raising suspicion that is, and as one would imagine he found the Child inevitably in the “Adults Only” Room looking around all wide eyed and innocent.

Mr. Matt quickly collected the Little Girl and returned with her to the Living Room were Mr. Matt continued to chat all the while wondering what the fuck the kid might say or do since her brief adventure behind the curtain as it were.

Right as the conversation is winding down and the Father and his Young Daughter get ready to leave the kid announced excitedly

“Hey Daddy, They have a SWING in Their HOUSE!!!”

The moment of silence that followed was beyond awkward as I’m sure everyone there was scrambling around in their skulls trying to think of what possibly could they say or do about this surprise situation.

At last the Father looked down at his Young Daughter and replied

“Well Lets get you home and Bleached Off.”

And that was the last time Mr. Matt or His Partner ever saw either the Father nor His Daughter ever again.

The Presents Continued until the Family finally moved out of the area 2 years later.

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

These little earthworms…

Tap tap tap tap.

Something profound was about to happen.

A post. A chant. The burning of a circle of candles. Spelling my name in a random parking lot with powdered incense.

Instead i sit here like a ghost falling asleep to Ross Lynch on my TV.

The music is always playing. The music is always playing. Not for pleasure. It’s pain.

Radiator blasts. Apartment discomfort. The cute men turn into trolls with dissected penises.

. (Was going to put a pic of one but i lost the pic, my stiffy due to the pic and now half of my dinner due to a prolapsed asshole while trying to find aforementioned dual penii)

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. I crave the silence. Nothing nothing. Sprinklers going off in flood warnings. Puddle divers everywhere.

Tears. In the river. In my supper. No cranberry sauce for you. Heretic. Golden shower. Vomit is coating the floor. It matches my new drapes. Should i leave it? Should it stay for the night?

To keep the puddles company? Lay with the trances. Deliver the quiet. Not real at all. He heard. He heard.

Ganja memory.

Yay cinema! part uno

Every since I can remember I have always been a sucker for a great movie. I will literally drop everything when one of my favorites comes onto my television. I will do what I call the G rated Hollywood cyber stalk when I come across any new actor or actress I’ve discovered who can act and is pleasing to the eye. I will literally pan down the list of movies someone has been in and try to watch as many as possible in that one day. Clearly, this has made my amount of blog posting suspect at best or if we are being total honest non-existent.

There is no real great recollection of my first movie. When it comes to theaters, that movie was E.T.  I cried at the end though I really cannot remember. Literally the next thing I remember about movies is making characters that I thought should be in movies. Not in specific movies. In my movies.

I would see these people in my head while in somewhat of a meditative condition. They would tell me all kinds of intricate details about their lives, their dreams, hopes, desires. Of course, since I was 12 and had little knowledge of the world, these were not exactly groundbreaking. I hid them from everyone. I had suspicions that my parents were reading any little thing I ever wrote and I really did not want them seeing.

So all my childhood characters and playmates ran away. In the beginning they simply made their way to the trash can. Later in my teenage years, the pyromania took full effect and they were always burned. Sometimes by a chant, sometimes by the dead silence of the night, it was a way to let them go again. I didn’t need them taking space in my head just in case they were some kind of malevolent spirit.

For a very long time all of these people, characters, and even a few animals went away. Perhaps it was my dabbles in drugs (or lack thereof as I had rampant visions during my teenage nuclear winter years), my self-deprecation gone awry, or modern technology sucking the life out of me. Most likely it was just everything pilling up into some great big shitstorm all at once.

Then something started to change in the past week. It all started with a seizure. I always portend seizures as a sign of change or trouble and I was not sure exactly what this one would bring. The majority occur when I am passed out or crunk as fuck so it honestly was quite the surprise. Luckily I was seated and it was relatively mild, no loss of consciousness, no loss of surroundings.

Afterwards things began to take remarkable change in my life. I noticed myself laughing again and honesty could not remember the last time I seriously laughed at the complete mundaneness of the world.

Something opened up inside of me. It was almost sexual in nature but without any arousal. It felt like being proud of having snagged someone for the night who is out of your league. It felt like passionately kissing a former lover at the train station never to see them again. Waving goodbye at them with the passion of 19th century mob at a departing ship. A few fake I loves exchanged was the cherry on top of your amicably departing orgasms.

Yet this wasn’t sexual. This was more. This was everything. Yeah sure the internal sadness is still here but it’s kind of like this eternally pestering buzzing noise in my apartment. It can always be drowned out. I was doing a decent job swimming until last night.

That is when it all changed yet again.

To be continued…..

By SpaceDog

The Insane Electric Scam

If your like me, my experience, or the People I have spoken with when it comes to Bills the biggest bitch of the bunch is the Electric Bill. Its no exception here in the Southern Country.

Well there is one chief difference, The Area in which I reside is at the Heart of one of the Longest on Going, BUT SOME HOW LEGAL Scams by the Conmen at POS&MF Electric.

Now if you haven’t noticed I have a sick fascination (bordering on Obsession ) with Scams. I love picking them apart revealing how utterly fucking idiotic they actually are, and then talking shit about the Stupid Scam Artists. I believe I posted a previous Post pertaining to Scams that explains what I’m talking about further so back to the story.

It all started many, many motherfucking moons ago in 2003 when POS&MF announced they were going to build the greatest Electric Plant the World has ever fucking witnessed.

It was billed to the TiTs I tell you. It was going to take 900-1000 archers of land just to built the Behemoth. It was going to provide THOUSANDS of Jobs for a Economically Depressed Area which had the Locals psyched as hell.

The New Plant was going to have the NEWEST Technology available. Thus providing the Highest quality service available to their beloved customers.

It would be run by the most intelligent and qualified experts money could buy. Their genius alone would fuel the endless success that the New Humungous Plant POS&MF proclaimed.

And the best part of POS&MF’s new Mega Plant  announcement was that it would end up reducing Customer’s bills as the New Plant would be much more efficient than their current cluster of sub stations.

Now Here’s The Scam:

Now to raise the excessive amount of capital needed not to mention the Bill Gate’s sized Bankroll needed to Build the New Plant POS&MF had formulated a gloriously simple scam.

POS&MF informed their Customers that to raise the funds needed for the New Plant they would be adding a NEW ADDITIONAL CHARGE TO THEIR CUSTOMER’S BILL. The reason for the SHARP (and excessive) increase would go directly for building the New Super Plant that would enrich Customer’s lives and improve quality of life for all according to POS&MF’s endless line of Propaganda and Self Serving Announcements.

Over the next 10 years POS&MF while continuing to collect more money to build the aforementioned Super Station every month from their Customer’s managed to blow $9 BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Yes thats a 9 with a BILLION behind it. POS&MF blew a $9 Billion Budget. Who the hell can fuck up to the tune of $9 BILLION??!!! How does one fuck up to the tune of $9 BILLION, I mean thats a rather fantastical fuck up.

HERES WHERE IT GETS REALLY ABSURDLY INSANE…

After 6 years or so POS&MF had epically failed attempting to build its New Electric Plant was now facing being stuck with $9 BILLION tab.

So POS&MF informed their Customer’s that the New Plant Project was officially being cancelled.

Now first off  Customer’s WOULDN’T BE REIMBURSED A SINGLE GODDAMN DIME of the Extra Fee they were billed for every month for the last 6 years.

AND HERE WHERE IT GETS REALLY ABSURD AND UTTERLY INSANE…

The Story is still Continuing to This Day.

You see Customer’s are STILL BEING CHARGED MONTHLY UNDER THE GUEISS THAT ITS FOR A/THE NEW PLANT THAT WILL NEVER ACTUALLY BE BUILT.

Somehow POS&MF managed to collect $9 BILLION in additional Fees over 6 years from its Customers and blow it out their collective ass. Then after announcing the Cancellation of the New Plant Project has managed to (under some mysterious pretense) CONTINUE to Bill Their Customer’s the Additional Service Fees for another 4 years for THE FAILED PLANT.

What that means is after a decade POS&MF failed to build a New Plant as they promised, Cost Customer’s an additional total of $9 BILLION over 6 years, Cancelled the Project, and are now continuing to charge the Extra Service Fees to reimburse themselves for the 9 BILLION DOLLARS THEY SQUANDERED.

If that isn’t one of the all time Shittiest and ingenious Scams I don’t know what the fuck is.

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

First Loves

I have not been writing in a while. I realized some of the things I say I am going to write about and don’t write about, well basically the reason I do not write about them is because well they are not really all that important. I say I’m going to blog about the status of my weight loss and this bullshit and that bullshit but I don’t really care. If I really gave two shits about that I’d be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the day.

Wow I can’t believe his name is in my spell check. I highly doubt my last name will ever make it into the spellchecks of the universe one day. I really hope not actually I’d rather change my name to muffinsnatch. That would be kinda neat to have pop up as a possible spelling in spellcheck.

It’s funny though how in life we get so caught up with the stupid shit and lose sight of the big picture. I really hate when people use the phrase “The Big Picture” because truthfully the big picture for them is nowhere even close to what it is for you. It is so profoundly different for everyone involved. A lot of people don’t have the depth to see this. It is rather unfortunate.

Thankfully I do. Thankfully I see that while my dreams may meet up with the dreams of others at a crossroads or two, my dreams are not theirs, they are not mine.

I have been blessed with the ability to succeed in many different undertakings. Unfortunately many of the different things I have undertaken do not have a glass ceiling. Even if they did have a glass ceiling, I have long since shattered it. It is time to move on.

That being said. While I love writing and love the blogging and such, it is not my first love. No person is my first love. That distinction goes to music.

No matter how many times I may be disappointed or alarmed or happy or jubilant or whatever, I will always come back. I will always be on the search for more. Unfortunately I do not see a concussion at any point in my future so my talent will be none or hope to god everyone is in a blackout and doesn’t remember anything i attempted.

To me it is just better then a first kiss, better then the first shot of liquor, the first spike in my arm, the feeling of love I get when I’m talking to that special someone. There is nothing that can replace the excitement, the pure glee in all my veins on the night of a show. Heck even when someone local has a gig I still get the same kind of rush and excitement and bliss.

I may write more in the future, god knows I have so so much I have not written about. But for now I am embracing my first love and making as many Tracks as humanly possible or until I run out of money to buy blank CD’s and the cases to put them in.

Maybe along the way I’ll mix some sounds together but regarding that one I have one thing to say. Don’t hold your breath.

 By SpaceDog

Mixology Makeover : The Beertail’s Backstory

Mixology is a truly annoying Hipster Fueled Trend that seems to have no end, at least not in sight. One of the things that irritates me about Mixology is its pretentious bullshit attitude, and its revamping Old School or Cheap Shit Drinks with a High Class Upgrade (usually fresh exotic ingredients, a bottle of Bitters, some Muddling, Majestic Mixers, and Perhaps Smoke or a Little Fire bullshit Fanfare)

These cheap tricks come with a egotistically driven upscale cost of $18-22 for just a single drink. I don’t know about you but when I walk into a Bar I want a stiff drink not a  drawn out pretentious as hell Circus De Olay drink making (oh fucking sorry they call it “Assembling” or “Constructing” as in Assembling/Constructing a Drink as opposed to Making a Drink) performance art piece of shit put on by some 1920’s dressed throwback Lumberjack looking  Hipster Over Styled Pompous  Mixologist.

The latest Abomination in Alcohol  perpetrated by Mixology is the New Trend of Cocktails referred to as Beertails. Now giving credit where credit is due Mixology has a much more Tried and True formula for constructing Their version of a Beertail.

What I mean is that they’re more of what you would expect a Beertail is when try and picture it in your mind for the first time.

Mixology Beertails are legitimate Cocktails that is their principle ingredient is LIQUOR, then there are the Mixers such as Bitters or some Aromatic bullshit, AND THEN IT’S TOPPED OFF with a Bit of Beer.

When it comes to the ORIGINAL Beertail(s) Well thats a Horse of a completely different color I assure you. Lets take a look further shall we yes lets.

Now the origin of the Original Beertail is sort of a Who came first the Chicken or the Egg situation. See there were until very recently only 2 places one would or could find a Beertail.

One was in a 22-24 ounce can Made By Budweiser (who to their credit did a damn good bit of Advertising considering their concoction was a Laughing Stock since day fucking one) at where ever it is you purchase Alcohol from. l (Geography actually applies here so go High School fucking Science)

Budweiser versions of BeerTails such as:

Grape-A-Rita,

Apple-Ahhh-Rita

Peach-A-Rita

Mango-Rita/ Mang-A-Rita

Coco-Nut-Rita

Cherry-Ahhh-Rita

Berry-A-Rita (Limited Edition)

Raz-Ber-Rita

Lime-A-Rita

Straw-Ber-Rita

Lemon-Ade-Rita

Water-Melon-Rita

Cran-Brrr-Rita (With or Without Lime)

Pine-Apple-Rita

Consisted of 2 simple ingredients. 1st being Beer the 2nd being the Cheap Mass Produced Artificial as Fuck Flavored Icy Slush.

Budweiser took a good bit of shit over this line of product BUT their still making and selling it so bottomline SOMEONE and quite a few SOMEONES are buying them thus keeping them on the market.

Budweiser’s Beer-A-Rita’s were written off by most members of the general public as yes a fucking joke, not to mention disgusting tasting. They were considered Collage Material a staple of Frats/Societies across the Nation.

Others busted Budweiser’s balls by referring to Beer-A-Ritas as the number one cocktail choice of White Trash, The Only Alcohol you can buy with Food Stamps, For White Trash Wedding, Voted the number one drink in Trailer Parks across America, and other shit like that.

The Second place you could partake of an Original Beertails was in off the Beaten Path, Out in the Woods/Sticks/Boonies, the Path less Followed type of Tiny Towns. These small out of the way towns have some odd rules pertaining to Alcohol.

Mainly it the Rule that a Bar can Sell Wine and Beer ONLY, NO LIQUOR NOT EVEN A SINGLE AIRPLANE BOTTLE, NOT A SINGLE SHOT IN THE ENTIRE ESTABLISHMENT.

The second odd and annoying Rule is there are also NO LIQUER STORES or PLACES YOU CAN PURCHASE BEER  or WINE. Remember the Geography comment well here is where it applies most here.

In some places you have to buy Beer and Liquor SEPARATELY meaning you have to drive to 2 different stores. Some places still bar the Sale of Alcohol on Sundays, and some places you can Buy Wine/Beer at Grocery Stores, Gas Stations, Convince Stores pretty much everywhere, and so on.

So to adapt to these ridiculous limitations these Tiny Town’s Bars came up with the idea of mixing a 12 ounce beer (Ironically Budweiser was a top pick), and some of the aforementioned Cheap, Nasty, Artificial as Fuck Flavored Icy Slush. They chose Margarita mix and called it the Beer-Rita. They also chose Bloody Mary Mix creating the Beery Mary.

The Bottomline being here Beertails/Beer-Ritas were Beer and Cheap Frozen Drink Mix, and One of the WORST IDEAS IN ALCHOL THATS EVER BEEN THOUGHT UP.

Granted now there is a grey area. During the transition from a fucking Joke Drink into today’s Mixology’s version there was a sub sect of Beertails that made the MOST SENSE to me in the “By Definition” perspective.

Here are just a few:

The Beerita (no Hyphen here) is 7 ounces of Beer, Margarita Mix, and Lime Wedge for Garnish.

The Dirty Flower- Wheat Beer mixed with Fruit Punch

Chelada- Beer, Hint of Lime, and Clamato (You may have also seen Budweisers version of this additional failure still lurking around though rare.)

Chelada Version 2- Light Beer mixed with Lime Juice

Bul- Light Beer mixed with Ginger Ale

Black Velvet- 1/2 Guinness Beer 1/2 Champagne

Snake Bite- 1/2 a Lagar Beer and 1/2 Hard Cider

Radler- 1/2 Lagar Beer and 1/2 Grape Fruit SOD

As you can see the first transitional versions of Beertails were elevated a bit but still a bit of a Novelty Joke. In The End god knows where the hell the bitter tail of the Beertail will eventually come to its demise, but if I’m still drinking then I’ll be there.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

“Well Twitter Me This Batman…”

Its no secret my favorite one and only Social Media Platform I use is Twitter. I’ve been told I’m prolific and am lucky enough to have a cult following. That doesn’t mean I don’t have issues with Twitter mind you because I do.

Twitter like so many before it has to balance precariously on the thin line of Free Speech. Society can’t make a simple Yes or No answer. Free Speech is a Black and White issue, there is not Gray area of ambiguity here.

If We truly have Free Speech then its for EVERYONE, or let me put it this way if you can say whatever you want SO CAN EVERY ASSHOLE IN AMERICA.

So to deal with this delicate matter Twitter like every other fucking Social Media Platform established a set of Rules and Guidelines designed to allow Free Speech. Thats ONLY IF it does’t violate their User Guidelines which in effect is CENSORSHIP, thus negating True Free Speech.

But I digress as the issue of Free Speech warrants an Entire Post for itself.

Yet Twitter seems to violate its own Rules of Conduct by openly allowing batshit scumfucker’s like Alex “Asshole” Jones or The Obese Orange Fuckass Traitor 45 to continually use their service apparently free from all penalties for violating the established Guidelines for Rules of Conduct.

Now I respect Twitter and Other Social Media Platforms (Except Face Book which is complete Bullshit, and Zuckerberg is a Slimy Little Money Grubbing Millennial Shitfuck.) To try and prevent Nazi’s, Rapists, Religious Fanatics, Political Scumbags, Homophobes, Anti-Semites, Corrupt, Crooked, Criminal, or illegal elements from getting exposure of any kind. That just is common sense to Me.

Now here is my issue with Twiter. Twitter has a rather basic and Parental plan in place to help address any issues of possible violation of Their Rules with a preverbal “Time Out” Yes that is correct.

Your screen will go blank and then a Template Letter Statement from Twitter appears. I can’t quote the fucking thing but I get the fucking gist.

It basically says that Twitter embraces Free Speech AND wants a user friendly platform. Then it accuses you of possibley might have gotten close to breaking the rules so this serves as an Slap On The Wrist if you will.

It informs you that since there could possibly been an issue your account is Limited Access for 12 hours. That means ONLY your followers will be able to see you account/tweets for 12 hours at which point your account is returned to normal.

What pisses Me off to no fucking end is the fact that though the messages says your account has been flagged for possible misconduct IT NEVER GIVES YOU THE/AN EXACT ANSWER.  Its just this vague play nice or be punished reminder babble.

To date I have racked up a total of 19 “12 Hour Time Outs”.

I also had My Account put on a Stricter “24 Hour Time Out” Twice thus far.

I recently was given the harshest “Time Out” Yet with the “48 Hour Time Outs”

Now I don’t really understand at all why the fuck My Account is constantly being plagued with this Twitter bullshit. For the Records I do not engage in participate in, or support in any way of the following: Trolling, Threats of Violence to Anyone/their friends/their family/ personal property,  pictures of anything of a Pornographic nature, Gun/Weapon Worship (ex. The NRAssholes), Anti-LBGTQ bullshit, Anti-Semetic Bullshit, Nazi Sympathizer Racist shit, Promotion or Glorification of Drug/Alcohol Use, Big Tobacco Bullshit, or anything of an Illegal, Criminal or Corrupt Nature.

The funniest fucking thing is how at this time in my life I’m not just aware of the Rules, BUT I do everything in my power to BEND but NOT BREAK the rules in Life. I seriously TONE DOWN my opinions and Posts by 10 fucking fold, trust me the shit you see I Tweet is just the TINIEST TIP of the fucking IceBurg. And not only that but when I do get put on one of these asinine “Time Out” deals I continue to Tweet, but again I tried much more lightly which I feel is respectful as fuck.

What I do is I do RAIL AND RAGE against primarily the Scumsucking Scumfuck Politicians, Trump the Traitor, Motherfucking MAGA Morons, Rancid Racists, Rapists, Homophobes, Police Brutality and Corruption, Bullshit Big Business (Fuck Walmart, Eat Shit Amazon), The Pharmaceutical Industry, Health Care, and any injustice I perceive. I fully support Underdogs as well as Those wronged by a Shitciety.

My feeling is if your a fucking ELECTED PUBLIC SERVANT aka a Politician and you fuck up or turn out to be a piece of fucking shit than your open to ANY AND ALL RIDICULE from the People who ELECTED YOU and for whom you supposedly work (REMEMBER FOR THE PEOPLE BY THE PEOPLE YOU WASHINGTON DC DICKHEADS?!!)

So yes I admit I insult the hell out of those I deem to be utterly shitty fucking people, and I talk mad shit about them (I do not Troll them, I say what I have to say on my Feed not Theirs.

I also get a kick out of BLOCKING MAGAs because their so fucking stupid that they respond to a Tweet of mine like I give a flying fuck what those fucktards have to say FUCK THE LEMMINGS!)

BUT these aren’t the General Public these are Elected Officials and other People in Power who by the nature of their job deserve to reap what they sow. And if you Sow Shit Seeds you Deserve to Reap Shit Plants.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Batten Down The Hatches

I’ve been having ominous dreams lately. They are shattered, they are broken. I’m not so sure the reasons why.

I have not been sleeping very well but that is just because I am too happy and distracted by the little things in life that sleep no longer is pleasant.

It is a burden.

The days seemingly grow shorter by the second, not the light in them or the increasing darkness, just the time from Point A to Point B is pulsing rapidly.

Feeling like a heart attack ready to explode, a vein ready to burst, a monopoly ready to hide its assets.

There is a storm approaching fast from the western skies. I am ready for it this time.

I’m not sure how much sun will be left after the fall but I will be tucked away. Safe. Nestled in your arms.

But who are you? Why should I care?

Destiny is calling me but sometimes it just feels like my old friend’s daughter Destiny (who I never met) beckoning me into the forces of much trouble.

And all should live this.

 By SpaceDog

Drama Queens Need to Get Themselves Killed

Yup you guessed it this Post pertains to Drama Queens who fall in the category of “People We Love To Hate”.

If you don’t believe me just watch 5 fucking minutes of ANY “Reality” TV Show, and since We are on the subject if you watch “Reality” TV or one of the Contest Shows do Me a favor. STOP READING THIS, GO THE HELL AWAY, AND DON’T COME BACK. I have no time for such Bullshit.

Recently I was informed about a particular Drama Queen who’s shitty shenanigans were reeking a good bit of havoc as it were. Now this isn’t just an EXCEPTIONAL Drama Queen, this Drama Queen could be one for the Books. Here’s what happened in a Nutshell.

My Brother T joined a Pinball Team that is part of a Pinball or as he refers to it as “A Drinking Team that happens to play Pinball.”, but since he joined he’s had a lot of fun, met cool characters, made some friends, and generally has a great fucking time.

The Team meets and was competing on a recent Tuesday evening and my Brother’s Wife L came over to the Bar (They always meet and Play in a Bar with varying venues) where My Brother was already warming up for the nights competition.

Outside in a small group of smokers was a tattooed sudo hipster woman who introduced her self to L as Shittney (remember kids I don’t use real names of People or Places)

Now Shinttney is one of those extremely extroverted personality types that get right up in your personal space, and will tell you anything including seriously personal shit. Shit such as Their Great Grandfather was arrested for molesting a circus Elephant or Their sibling is in jail for blowing up a bus full of fucking Nuns.

So it did’t take Shittney long to inform L that the Owner of the Bar where their playing (and captain of that night’s opposing team)   used to date, but not only that she also said she wanted to and I quote “Crush Him”. The first red fucking flag here was the fact that while Shittney and the Bar owner J did date for a while they broke up FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO, FATAL ATTRACTION MUCH THERE OR WHAT?!!

Granted Break Ups by definition suck and suck bad, but if your not over someone 4 years after splitting up, GET PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIATRIC HELP YOU HAVE SERIOUS PERSONAL ISSUES is all I’m saying.

Red Flag number 2 considering the time-lapse between J and Shittney’s dating period she is far more than likely to be one of those bullshit Voyeuristic Cyber Stalkers.

Their the one’s that slink around in the shadows cast by the Internet’s bastard spawn Social media lurking in silence. Periodically they surf around observing people from either their past like ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, High School Classmates or Co-workers from the past and the present for example just to “See whats new with them.”

Anyway back to the Story Shittney gets her wish as her Team Beats J’s Team for that Night’s Win. AND HERE IS WHERE IT GETS DRAMA QUEEN CRAZY.

The next day following the Competition (and in spite of the fact THEY WON) hopped on Social Media using some Face Book Bullshit as her platform, and then railed against my Brother’s Team

She didn’t just go after her ex boyfriend and Team Captain she singled out even single member of the Team in this bullshit tirade. The main accusation (which of course Shittney is portraying as a hard cold Fact) is that the entire Team are cheaters.

Yup their scumbag cheaters who try and cheat every chance they get, they don’t obey the rules, and rig game play (I’m still unsure of what that criteria is or means but I’m doing my best here so if you don’t like it well shit on you.) and as par of the shitty social media madhouse several Pinball Trolls jumped on the band wagon in agreement.

Now I ask you Ladies and Gentlemen,

WHO THE FUCK COMPLAINS,BITCHES, AND INSULTS THE OTHER TEAM WHEN THEY’RE THE FUCKING WINNERS?!!!

“YOU CHEATED!” Accusations stem predominately from Poor fucking Losers as an excuse for why they suck as bad as they do. Trust me they suck big and they suck hard (that didn’t come out quite like I meant it, but I’m leaving it as is.)

In the End J stepped down as Team Captain, My Brother’s Team lost 2 great guys as well as terrific players, J finally made a statement addressing the accusations a bit late in the game, and finally J and Shittney sat down and recorded a Podcast that addressed any and all current ongoing issues between the two teams.

To lighten the mood a bit I’m going to list the main types of the assorted Drama Queens we find ourselves surrounded by and having to deal with. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE SO DON’T BULLSHIT. Either a friend, Family Member, Co-Worker/Boss, Friend of a Friends, Wife/Husband, Someone’s kid(s), someone you dated, or some sort of run in with a Drama Queen

  1. The Terminator’s: They earn their name from the Arnold Schwarzenegger because like Arnold said so eloquently “I’ll Be Back” These are the Drama Queens that Stalkers are made of. They can’t let go, in fact their lives become dominated with the daydream that perhaps one day you two will be reunited in Love. These People are fucking DELUSIONAL.
  2.  The Shakespeare: These are women driven solely by Revenge. They are the “Wrath of Women Scorned” demographic. Everything shitty in the past relationship and since is YOUR FAULT and thus YOU SHALL PAY. These are the Dangerous fuckers due to the penchant for violence.

3. The Victim: These people have taken Victimization and transformed it into a fucking art form. Their lives would be wonderful if everyone they know or encounter wasn’t out to spite them, cheat them, abuse them, lie to them, fuck them over etc.  These are the ones that claim they can’t obtain Heaven being dragged down by so many other People’s Hells.

4. The Isolationist: These are the simplest forms or types of Drama Queens. The shun the usual shit show spectacle opting to Lock Themselves in a room classically a Bed or Bathroom is the preference of such people. They are the slow grind as dealing with them is like a fucking Police Hostage Negotiation where the Victim and the Perp are the same fucking person

5. The Banshee: The Loudest and likely most theatrical of all Drama Queens.  These people will EXPLODE in a TSUNAMI of Hysterical Crying, Wailing, Whining, and other types of non verbal guttural vocalizations. These People keep fucking Kleenex in business.

6. The Shunners: These people take a classic play out of the Amish Playbook. They believe silence makes Guilty People Uneasy so by utterly ignoring you they hope you’ll see where you fucked up and come running to apologize. I for one don’t give a damn if someone wants to act like I’m fucking dead so these people are of no concern to me.

7. The Dark One: These are the Gothic type of Drama Queen. These people will lay around in bed listening to the fucking Cure or some Emo bullshit while refusing to eat. They are the Doom and Gloom People whose worlds are dark and forbidding, a place where love goes to die and shitty poetry written.

8. The Martyr: These people honestly believe that they are the center of the fucking Universe, and without them everyone they knows life would fall the fuck apart, and everyone would meet a horrible fate. These are the classic “Get off the Cross someone needs the Wood” people.

Well Thats all I Have For Now.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober  

From The Frying Pan into The Fire: Life Working in f-yourblog’s R&D Department

To Our Loyal Readers I feel I owe you an explanation. I wrote a Post way back when that stated f-yourblog’s mission and creative process, but like all things evolution will prevail.

One of the various reasons f-yourblog has been a bit of a neglected child is there are intact several different projects We have in the works. With so many pokers in the fucking fire time management has always been the key, and I have a flawed concept of time.

I act mainly as Creative Content and consement Idea Man. I rarely have a single fucking clue how to pull off any of my grandiose ideas. I’m basically broke, Tech Inept, and have little patience for technology which I have come to utilize as well as despise. Evolution like I said is unstoppable.

I chosen method of learning seems to be the trade and true “Trial By Fire” school of thought. I also can get easily distracted by working on numerous projects so in the immediate future I will be delegating much more responsibility.This is so I can devote my total time and attention to one project at a time which is what they deserve.

I decided it be simple enough to give our Readers a brief peak behind the preverbal curtain as it were. Here are a few of Our ongoing projects.

  1. We are furthest to completion with Our “2 Guys Talking Shit” Podcast showcasing the insane thoughts of SpaceDog, Les Sober, and Friends as the discuss all the mayhem and madness in their minds in Real Time.

2. Our current Book in the works Global Graffiti : A Retrospective in Street Art as I mentioned in Our last Post is a Pictorial Collection of Graffiti from/found around the World. Graffiti has become an essential and integral part of evolving Global Societies serving as both Art and as a Current Social Compass. Graffiti is the Underdog of the Art World (and who thought the pretentious Art assholes could shit on anything more than they shit on Photography?!!), AND I FOR ONE LOVE UNDERDOGS.

3. We are close to establishing a Cross/Dual Promotion with Our dear Friends over at N@P who are incredible Artists in their own right. Some of N@P’s digitally altered Photographic Graphics have already been feature in 2 of f-yourblog’s previous posts recently.

4. We are entertaining doing a Vlog type scenario to accompany Our soon to be released Podcast where Fans would go from Readers, to Listeners, and then end up as Viewers (Evolution Again). Essentially it would be a video of Us all while we abound into obscene absurdity thats guaranteed to Entertain as much as it Offends.

I’m not so sure about this idea because I’m paranoid when it comes to technology (internet/social media) when it comes to my privacy. Also I think the idea of just using a disguise be it a Mask or Make-up etc. is a bit cliche, BUT really if one goes the hidden anonymity route via a disguise its not as easy as one would think.

A good disguise is a true art form because any asshole got put on a mask or lather themselves up in fucking face paint.

5.  Perverse Pictures is the Indie Movie company thats in its infancy. I have always been a prolifically rabid movie fan since I was fucking born. I also am a Great Admirer of Lloyd Kauffman and Troma Pictures who have been dealing in Independent Film for literally as long as I have been Alive.

Also as of recently (sometime last year) became an admirer of the New Cult Classic “The Room” and its infamously mysterious, intriguing, and passionate Writer/Director/Star Tommy Wiseau.

I dream is to one day to collaborate with both Mr. Kauffman and The Troma Team, and Mr.Tommy Wiseau one day. It be fucking unbelievably grand.

(Above On Left Tommy Wiseau / On Right Lloyd Kauffman w/ The Toxic Avenger)

The 2 Films We have in the Works are:

“The Cannibalistic Cocaine Cartel” by Justin Sane – See What Happens when Criminals and Cannibals Go Hand in Mouth.

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” a Documentary by Your’s Truly focusing on the Video Game of Urban Legends.

6. Revenge Records is a label I’m establishing as a Home for the Wayward Unconventional or Unorthodox Indie Acts. Lets face it the Big Lables are all but fucking Dead to begin with. Youtube reigns as the New Agent that represents ANYONE from ANYWHERE around the World.

The only issue with Youtube is its 2018 and it/the market is FLOODED with Millions of Posts in a single fucking day. They grossly outnumber talented Acts/People and they drown in a Sea of Mediocrity obscured by the mundane. It was easy in the beginning when there were only a few thousand videos a person could view., but Justin Bieber blew up Youtube, and every idiot came running.

This makes Independent Record labels more vital than ever as the Mediators for the transition from The Old School Ways to The New School Methods.

7. The Lost Souls Studios goes hand in hand with Revenge Records because whats the point of being a Record Label and paying some outside asshole for the use of their recording facilities. If you make Records then you need a place to Record so it just seems blatantly obvious that you should posses your own Studio. Its a “If you want it done right do it Yourself” meets “Why pay for something you can do Yourself”.

Lost Souls isn’t just for Musicians. You want to do Spoken Word, Record Reading a Book, Recording a final Will and Testament, Hell I don’t care if you want to record yourself taking a 7 hour shit if you think theres Artistic Value to it.

Lost Souls will also serve to benefit Perverse Pictures as most if not all Indie movies have to come up with or write their own soundtrack because Royalties are absolutely fucking outrageous. And again it helps if you own your own Studio.

8. Finally We have Ponder This Productions. This again will Aid in Lost Souls Records as well as Perverse Pictures. I chose the name because I believe in shit, art included, that makes you HAVE TO THINK. You want 2 hours of mindless so called entertainment go see a Micheal Bay CGI shitshow. The sign of a good Movie or Song to me is the same. If I see it or hear it AND then find myself thinking about it the next day I’m hooked.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober