Lazarus The Slayer of The Septic Roots

The other Day as I’m enjoying my coffee along with some Bong hits when I was informed by one of the Kiddies (a semi “affectionate” nickname I have bestowed upon our 3 Interns. Our Part Time Staff of 2, and Our 2 Full Time Employees  are referred to as the Children) informed me We apparently had a rather sudden plumbing issue. When I asked what seemed to be the particular plumbing problem was per say I was informed the Toilets were filling BUT NOT Flushing. In addition the damned Dishwasher, and the washed up clothes Washer both decided to start spouting spurts of water from the valves on the their respective walls.

This was symptomatic of 1 of 2 most possible scenarios. The First is the Main Drain was Clogged, and the Second would be an issue with The Building’s Septic System. I called our Contractor Jamison who referred me to his Plumbing Guy Lazarus Riggs who I called immediately. I had to leave a message which seriously aggravated the shit out of me as I hate waiting for anything especially if its an emergency/Immediate attention. Lazarus did call back though in a prompt and timely manner. I told Lazarus what was going on and he graciously said He’d swing by shortly and check the septic situation out (though it was raining like a motherufcker, and had been for the past 2 days, and Lazarus mentioned during our phone call that he “Didn’t particularly like getting Wet.”)

When Lazarus arrived I realized there was the minor issue of I had no damn idea where the fuck the Septic Tank actually was (We bought the Building from The Bank so not like they gave us blue prints and shit) So Lazarus armed with a 5 foot long solid steel Pry Bar deal (it looks like a giant Railroad Spike), and with it he proceeded to wonder around in suspect areas spearing the ground as He went like some Norse Viking Warrior trying to Impale Satan Himself. After searching for more than several minutes Lazarus’s mighty Steel Staff hit a Solid spot that wasn’t a Rock. Lazarus then started to feel out the perimeter of what he believed whole heartedly was the Septic Tank.

While Lazarus was working on that I mentioned that putting the Septic Tank on the side of the Building that had the most fucking Trees was a monumentally Moronic move to which Lazarus agreed. When Lazarus finally uncovered enough of the outline to the Septic Tank outlined We ran into yet another issue. Instead of building the Septic Tank vertically or Horizontally they built it on a fucking 45 degree angle diagonally. What made this plumbing abomination even more insanely idiotic was by choosing to to build the Septic Tank that was that two thirds of the actual Septic Tank was buried under a set of exterior stairs leading off the huge as hell Front Porch.

As my face quickly spiraled from slightly flushed with insurmountable irritation to borderline maroon with out of control Anger Lazarus told me we might not yet be totally screwed. As it were there were two types of Septic Tank lids one thats a simple cap that can be popped open to inspect the Septic Tank, and the other type was a Slab cover which sounds exactly like what it is. If there was a Cap Top we’d be fine and if not then it was back to the drawing board as those who like cliches would say. Unfortunately as you might imagine (as our regular readers are aware of things here always seem to go bizarrely) it wasn’t a Cap Top but the Shitty Slab Top variety.

I then asked Lazarus to hold on a minute which he was glad to do as I gave my Wife (who was at work) a call to report that We found the Septic Tank, its ridiculous location and asinine positioning as well as the dueling cap issue at hand. I did this as a curtesy because the last goddamn thing I need is my Wife coming home and seeing a pile of wood and shit because then she’d wonder what the fuck her impulsive Husband was or had been up to in her absence. She of course agreed we had to do whatever it was we had to do because leaking appliances and un-flushable toilets were un-fucking acceptable. I returned to tell Lazarus I would be right back as I was retreaving some additional tools from the garage out back to assist us in dismantling the exterior staircase. In the end all it took was Lazarus on one side with his bad ass Steel Bar and I on the other opposing side armed with a  10 pound Sledge Hammer to quickly abolish the stairs completely.

Lazarus uncovered the rest of the Slab Top and started to pry it off like some Asshole Indiana Jones loving Archeologist on a History Channel Special on the opening of some far forgotten King/Queen/Emperor’s long lost Tomb. At this point I was freaking the fuck out because I was utterly convinced the Septic Tank was completely and totally compromised, and would have to be replaced due to extensive Root Damage (to the tune of $7,000). Luckily it wasn’t quite as bad as I expected. The pipe that emptied from the Building into the Septic Tank itself was chocked up like a son of a bitch with goddamn Roots. There was also a MASSIVE ball of Roots like a cancerous Septic Tank Tumor further complicating things as it were.

Lazarus started the laborious and strenuous job of removing the Root Tumor if you will using a Hatchet, a pair of Tree Limb Cutters, a Hand Saw and a sharply nosed Shovel. I started to stack the pieces of the obliterated stairs trying desperately not to get scratched or punchered on one of the seemly hundreds of rusty old ass nails that stuck out of the wood like a metal Porcupine’s quills. Lazarus succeeded in removing all of the Big Ass Root Tumor entirely, though he did have a few doubts along the way, and he managed to unclog the Pipe.

I thanked Lazarus for all of his help and expertise, and he charged me $100 for 2 hours of labor in the rain (Can’t beat Southern Country Prices). I called my Wife to give her the all clear, and headed off to my Art Studio to continue work ing on a current Sculpture Project. We have absolutely no plans whatsoever to replace/build the Exterior Stairs obviously as not to block the top of the Septic Tank (it doesn’t functionally matter as the stairs were a secondary set more for aesthetics than use). We have also administered a Yearly Root Killer, and a Septic Tank Shit Sludge maintenance as temporary measures, but ultimately the Trees have to go and the sooner the fucking better to avoid a Serious Septic Situation.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober 

Text Poetry No One Should Read Pt. 2 SpaceDog’s Reply

Quick Reminder to the Reader THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST OFFENSIVE POSTS YET, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

 

For those who skip intro’s I met up with SpaceDog during a recent Road Trip. On the way I decided to insult a person We both mutually Hate and Mock Mercilessly. I sent him an impromptu Poem about said Asshole, and SpaceDog wrote his own Poem in Response. It may be pertinent to note I did date this Fuckass for several months. This Poem is about surviving the ghastly grips of a grimy gutter dwelling Girl.

This is SpaceDog’s Poetic Reply:

Title: Saved From The Snatch of Satan

There was a hole that many knew,

As time went on its reputation grew,

Most men that entered turned gay anew.

And the one’s that didn’t they wound up dead,

Tragic overdoses, shot in the head.

But one man lives to tell the tale, No cocks in his mouth,

Heart beating strong as a Whale.

Despite the dead placentas on his dick,

He turned around his life like a magic trick.

Most know him well yet don’t speak his name,

Only time will tell who is to blame.

Just know well when your pregnancy tests comes up B,

Abort it fast…coat hanger 1,2,3.

Right now this tale is almost over,

The Living Legend Les Sober.

By The One and Only,

SpaceDog 

Text Poetry That No One Should Read

WARNING DEAR READER:

Even though We here at f-yourblog.com have an open letter statement posted that has a section pertaining to content. The Following Post is the reason We have said section. THIS IS THE MOST OFFENSIVE and OBSCENE Post to date. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In the past I have posted a couple of SpaceDog’s and my Late Night Text Conversations. I was recently on a road trip that had me headed into SpaceDog’s neck f the Woods. So I texted Him a short 4 line limerick that then gave birth to an entire poem written on spontaneously on the spot while stuck in a real bumper fucker of a traffic jam. A few minutes later SpaceDog hit me back with a Nasty bit of Poetry of His own also pertaining to the same person. See one of the things SpaceDog and I have in common are a bunch of people we both Hate and Despise to NO END WHATSOEVER. To handle this deep disgust We mock these people viciously in an arena where NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS EVER.

Here is My Poem I sent SpaceDog:

THE BAD ASS BALLAD OF BRITTANY:

People laugh and people scoff,

But Brittany cut her pussy off,

She’d have Wild Fetish fits,

While Strange Men shit on her Tits,

She used so much lube She bought Stock,

While sucking on an Old Man’s Cock,

She’d fuck you till you bounced off the Walls,

She’d Swallow, Eat Ass, and Gargle Balls,

When She heard of Bukaki,

She said “thats for ME!”,

She always had problems with her legging,

When some Dude’s Ass She was Furiously Pegging,

No Secret Brittany Licked some Slit,

Nibbled on Crackhead Clit,

She Shot Heroin that was Top Notch,

She injected into her stank Crotch,

Filled with Pervert’s Jizz,

She Loves The Biz,

Now She has Lost All Hope,

She’s Sucking Dick for Dope,

Made Her money on her Back,

Spent it all Smoking Crack,

Her Vag is riddled with STDs of Every Kind,

She’s Drinking Mad Dog 20/20 to unwind,

She’s Pregnant again and She Knows the Institution,

She’ll go back to The Free Clinic for her 100th Abortion,

She’s a 3 Hole Super Slut,

Mouth, Vag, and The Butt,

She sits on the corner smoking a PCP Laced Blunt,

While Passerby’s on the Street gag at the smell of Her Cunt,

It looked like a sloppy Hot Roast Beef between Her legs,

As Her Live In Gimp Grovels, Moans, and Begs,

She can Cream Pie like no other,

She once even fucked Her own Mother,

Started a Porno Web Cam,

Where She’d eat Her Sister’s Clam,

She’ll fuck every last one of the 42 of us,

As Long You don’t mind Her Pussy Puss,

Her Scab covered Genitalia,

Just the Smell Could Kill Ya,

She’d let you Tittie fuck Her for just a Dollar,

You could finish on her face and its No Bother,

She would go insane if you wanted to run a train,

Just as Her Baby was Aborted so was Her Feeble Brain,

Gang Bangs made Her Wet,

Bath Salt Abuse made Her Forget,

Molested by Her Step Brother,

Preformed Oral sex on her Mother,

A Homeless Alcoholic Hooker,

As a D-List Stripper No One would Book Her,

She loved taking Golden Showers,

She’d sell Her body at all hours,

She can really go to town taking on a Taint,

She does shit that makes Hardcore Porn Stars Faint,

She has to be to remain the Rim Job Queen,

She was a regular at The No Tell Motel,

In Her Own Ejaculation Soaked Hell,

She was a truly Bitter a real  Bitch,

Who’s pounded out pussy tended to Itch,

Her Vaginal fuck Flaps hung down by Her dirt covered Knees,

A Vile of Crack would pop out of Her Ass when She would sneeze,

Track Marks under Her Muff,

Taking 56 cocks a day can be rough,

She would Masturbate in a Fury,

Behind the Dumpster in the Ally,

She’s fuck you for Food,

She’ll fuck a Girl, a Sheep, and a Dude,

She was a Donkey Show Star,

At the Sleaziest Bar,

So absolutely fucked up and utterly Dumb,

No wonder The Stupid Slut is coated in Cum,

She  used to shoot Golf Balls out of Her Snatch,

And Golf Tee’s out Her Ass just to Match,

She’s Dirty, disease ridden Prostitute,

There is NO Dispute,,

She used to run through Police Barricades,

While Screaming “I have FULL BLOWN AIDS!”,

She constantly Battled the Clap,

Under a Bridge SHe’d take a Nap,

She was a Tramp among Tramps,

She’d take Cash, Drugs, or Food Stamps,

She just a low rent junkie,

a Drug Mule Flunky,

A rotten, scummy Hell of a Gutter Whore,

I hit the Road, I could stand Her NO MORE.

 

What? You were Warned So if your Offended in any way…..

For those Reader’s who are around I will be posting SpaceDog’s Reply Poem Tomorrow without Fail Friends.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober 

Flags, Days, and Ideas

So I do not have any idea how I came across this little tidbit I thought I would share. I find most things on the internet in a very random fashion. I think I was looking up British things, or British slang, or British boys, or text messaging abbreviations or what not.

Well actually it probably was something more like looked at a porn. The guys name was chris. Looked up christmas next. Singing christmas carols to myself. What holiday is today? That timeline is a bit too structure though. Probably was more like hearing lyrics in a song which brought up a random emotion I had to look into.

Law Day????

So yes Happy Law Day! Oh and loyalty day as well. Both holidays which were put into place by President Eisenhower. While the rest of the world has festivities to celebrate International Labour Day, we have Law Day.

Apparantly our president thought that these holidays were communist in nature. The exact reasoning behind this I have no idea, however this is from the party that brought us Freedom Fries, global hatred, and the great depression. So why not try to make us different from the rest of the world??

I mean if we want to get really conservative about things maybe then we shouldn’t really be allies with England. I mean you know we did war against them in the 18th century.

Or maybe we should reverse Jim Crow or teach more intolerance to our children under the guise of religion.

Loyalty Day????

As for Loyality Day, I have nothing against this one. If it means pledge of allegiances to the flag 100 times while standing on one’s head by all means do it.

However I think this holiday is rather dumb and repetitive. Shouldn’t we be loyal everyday of the year? I mean it falls along the same lines as Mother’s Day for me. I cherish and love my mother dearly but do I really need a special day set aside for me by Hallmark to buy her a card and some flowers???? I think it just gives stupid people a reason to be an ass 364 days of the year and then suddenly swoop down in their blazes of glory like some great big hero.

Yeah, hero of the douchebags.

Recommendations

So as my recommendations for this day, there are several. First, if you think the rest of the world is wrong and that today is a communist holiday by all means bust out your law books, dress like that annoying guy in the informecials with the flag shirt on, buy some whiskey, get a mullet, and start a random witch hunt.

However if you think the rest of the world is not wrong, formulate your own minor protest along with me. Break a law. Yes! Break a law!

Please do not break a major law. I don’t need to hear on the 6 o’clock news how some moron with an IQ of 80 raped a pig to teach them a lesson about the swine flu or how some dillweed was told to break the law and decided to piss in the middle of a supermarket (but in the Depends section, I mean that the responsible thing to do).

Minor, minor, minor. Roll through a stop sign going 5. Eat one too many grapes at the grocery store (however many that is). Play your music too loud in the car. Or any other law you deem to be completely stupid that will not get you jail time or a fine.

If you lack the capacity to do this it is okay. But if you do something silly and agree with me that the rest of the world is not celebrating a communist holiday, by all means post your mini infraction here.

I plan to play my music too loud and smoke cigarettes in the car in a town where it is considered illegal to smoke in the car!!! Oh no.

By SpaceDog  

A Year in The Podunk Press

We decided to relocate to the Southern Country just in time for their busiest year in News for Decades. See nothing note worthy happens around here News wise though Gossip runs rampant like a fucking Plague. The usual News are Hunting/Fishing/Camping/Agricultural Articles or Reports, Local Church’s Schedules, Local Government (aka Town Hall Shit), Weddings/Births/Deaths, and Local Events such as Fish Fries and all that sort of shit.

This Year though has been the 100 year acceptation (I think its safe to assume nothing News Worthy has happened here in at least century or so.) It just goes to show you even in the middle the No Where Woods the clique clique Shit Happens proves to be true. Here’s The Run Down for the Last Year here in Podunktoria (Population Few Hundred):

Three Idiot Burglars and Arson. Three Local Guys planned and executed the robbery of several local stores at 4 am Wednesday night. The Stores where located next door to each other Row Home Style. After loading up their car Two of the men fled on foot into the dark of night. The Third Guy was the designated Get Away. Now here is where things go complete wrong for our remaining Felon. Apparently the Burglars had cased the stores, and planed the robbery for a hour the damn well knew NO BODY would be on the road or around.

The one thing these three idiots didn’t do was monitor the Police activity. Granted theres not a whole hell of a lot of Police Activity (Our town has 2 and We have Guns because of it, and the Neighboring Town has 3 Full Time Cops and 2 Part Time Police Officers), but there is some. So since someone forgot to do their criminal homework there was actually a Local Cop on Patrol that was driving by right after the Robbery accrued.

Now this shit makes NO SENSE. The Get Away Driver does something completely unnecessary and utterly moronic. He gets in the Get Away Car after setting a fire to eradicate any evidence, reeves up the engine, put the Peddle to the Metal, and sped down the Ally way to Main Street. Then this Ignoramus pulls out onto Main Street full fucking speed Hell or High Water. Thats when the Get Away Driver almost T-Bones the Cop on Patrol. Well The Robber punches it and the chase is on. The chase ended the the Get Away Drivers Car got away from him on these pitch black and winding country roads, and crashed into a drainage ditch. This Robbery/Arson is in this small town these were 3 a a very few Stores/Shops that were open and doing daily business. On top of that there was a shit ton of cool antique shit stored on the 2nd floor of the three buildings such as a Model T with all its original parts, and a 1920’s large oak Bar to name a few.

The Get Away Driver was taken to a near by Hospital where he was interrogated by the Police before giving up his accomplices names. He’s partners in crime where both arrested immediately at their respective residences. The Clique that proved true for these 3 would be Robbers that “There is NO Honor among Thieves”

2. The Chicken Farm Fire. A Massive local Commercial Chicken Farm had several buildings and Pens that weren’t currently being used because the County Officers had shut them down for Outdated/Unsafe Electrical Wiring. Finally after stalling for years The Chicken Farm was in the very begging stages of replacing said shitty electrical wiring when Fate’s Clock ran out. Apparently some of the faulty wiring sparked and ignited a fire. Now the Pens/Building in question where old and weathered, the wood that comprised said structures was drier than Death Valley and went up like a Bon Fire run amok. Before any could do a damn thing the Fire speed like hot butter on toast. The Fire took hours to get under control and the fire has been ruled “Accidental”. The Chicken Farm is in the process of rebuilding their lost facilities.

3. This just happened last month that being The Metal Recycling Plant Fire. The Local Metal Recycling and Car Crashing Plant became part of a Hazardous Container Disposal Program. This dictated anyone with empty containers with toxic chemical residue could drive to the Plant and drop off the empty containers. Now apparently there is no sorting or separating of these Chemical Containers their just all lumped together in a rather large collecting Bin. In school science was my strong suit and neither was Chemistry, BUT even I know mixing Chemicals can be dangerous/hazardous. Well some of the various residues leaked out of the containers and combusted into a fabulous inferno in no time flat. When the local Fire Departments arrived there was little they could do accept keep the fire from spreading outside the perimeter of the Plant. It took 4 days until the Fire burned itself out. The Metal Recycling Plant is in the process of rebuilding. There is still lingering concern about the possible health risks posed to residents from the Smoke from the Chemical Induced Fire.

4. THE BODY IN THE LAKE. I know even I’m fucking relieved this one has nothing to do with fucking Fire. This happened literally down the street and around the corner from our current Offices. Last Wednesday around 5 pm a concerned Citizen phoned the Local Police because he was concerned there was a Body floating in the lake. The Police showed up along with EMT’s and the Fire Department and shut the road down near a favorite fishing spot along the Lake’s banks. After searching for quite a while they located the body. Up till now the only details the Police have released are the Body was a Unknown Clothed Male. I found that funny as usually these sort of details are Sex, Race, and Approximate Age. Since then all the Police have said is that they were waiting for an autopsy to establish cause of death and the identity of the deceased. The Locals speculated it was either a boating fatality, accidental drowning as in perhaps the man had a seizure/heart attack or the like and fell overboard.

That was until today. Today the Police released the following information The Identity of the Deceased, and the cause of death had been reported by the Coroner as Murder. The Police are looking for a suspect.

Well Thats a Years worth of News from a tiny town in The No Names Woods.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Life Imitates Art as Art Imitates Life part 2: Mr. Brainwash, Banksy, and Authentic Art

For those of you just tuning in this is part two of a piece I’m writing expressing my feelings on the subject of Actual Artist with Original ideas/concepts versus Greedy Talentless Lame Copy Cat Hacks. It goes without saying that wherever their is a Successful Artist with Original Ideas and Creative Concepts there will be a small army of wannabe’s and knock off’s trying to make money from SOMEONE ELSES Intellectual Property.

I have nothing but respect for Original Artists, and Their work even if I personally don’t like it. I believe in giving credit whenever and wherever its due.

Now for the talentless twats that swarm around Original Artists leeching off Their Creativity by either riding on their coat tails, jumping on the TREND(Y) Bandwagon or most of all their trying to Capitalize in any way they can out/off of it. They’re either trying to emulate and imitate the original idea and Art. Either that or Their trying Steal it some how for personal profit in a Pompously Presumptuous Gallery (to a bunch of Wealthy Elite Art Collecting ASSHOLES) or hawk it Online like some sort of Digital Asshole.

My point/argument continues here after stating in the prior post that Tesla was a Lone Genius, and Edison was a Con artist who got famous of his employee’s ideas/inventions. That was the History Portion, And now for the repeating part.

(Just a reminder I am recounting/retelling a EXTREMELY CONDENSED VERSION to save time by sticking as close as I can to my point. I fully encourage Reader’s to watch the Documentary Film “Exist Through The Gift Shop” which provides an in-depth and detailed look at all of the information on the subject of the personal history between Mr. Brainwash and Banksy. I would also at this time like to also recommend the Documentary “Banksy Does New York” for a most informative look into His Work and Personal Philosophies) Bottomline I’m not a Biographer.

Its truly have to give an immense deal of credit to Banksy who got his start on the Street of London, who’s work now has appeared on the streets of various countries around the globe, who’s work has been hang shied by Wealthy Gallery Owners and the like, and the Unscrupulous acquisitions of pieces of Banksy’s Artwork stolen strait off of the streets themselves, has had his work Valued from Hundreds of Thousands to a Million Plus, and yet no one knows anything personal details about Him. Banksy has become notorious for vehemently protecting his true Identity and to His credit its worked amazingly, in fact its worked perfectly. This is all anyone knows of Banksy in the Public Forum that He is Male, White, From England, and is the biggest name in Street Art/ Graffiti the world has know at this point.

Yet the popular misconception is because Banksy’s art sells for such massive amounts of money that he is insanely rich and has tons of cash coming in on a daily basis. A few reason for this are He has to compensate  His Team comprised only of the most trusted inner circle, Pay out a exorbitant amount of money in the quest to stay Anonymous, Travel, Supplies, He donates a good bit of money from selling some of his work to Charities (such as House The Homeless in NYC for example), and the simple fact that His work that is stolen off the Streets, and sold in High End Art Galleries which Banksy has absolutely nothing to do with thus he doesn’t make a dime. Banksy has stated his Art is for Everyone to enjoy and harshly condemned those who seek to confiscate his work and sell it in a high end gallery for personal profit. In fact Banksy shuns the Classic Art world for being more about being pretentious than about the actual Art.

Now while like Tesla(who had several assistants through out his career) Banksy has come to rely on the help of a few other people to help achieve his Artistic Goals/Ideas/Artistic Concepts are Banksy’s and Banksy’s alone. Point being Banksy’s crew work WITH HIM, NOT FOR HIM.

Bansky is known for the Social/Politically driven Art Work that provokes deeper thought when it comes to social ills or political plight. His work can be ironic, mocking, Anti-Authoritarian, but its all meant to promote understanding and peace among all of Humanity. His unofficial mascot seems to be the Rat which reappears frequently in Banksy’s Art. Later on in his career Banksy started to produce Art Installations (such as a blissful paradise housed in a dirty beat up Box Truck that drives around stopping periodically, and Video Pieces. Banksy has embraced Social Media/ Internet where he has a very forward, direct, and honest website (Bnaksy also has a Instagram and Twitter accounts.  Banksy is not just Original he’s insanely intelligent, beyond talented, Humble, Secretive, and Though Provoking Artist.

Meanwhile as far as Mr. Brainwash is concerned…….

I guess for sake of argument I’ll start at the beginning. Before He became Mr. Brainwash He was a regular guy named Thierry (Pronounced Terry) Guetta who had a serious camera OBC. Simply Thierry’s Mother died when he was 7, and this dramatic tragedy created Thierry’s life long obsession of Video Taping every single waking moment.

Thierry’s cousin was an up and coming Graffiti Artist in the Blossoming new world of Street Art who goes by Space Invader. Thierry started to follow and film Space Invader everywhere documenting his work along the way. Thierry ended up utterly in love with the up and coming graffiti Artists, and started following, assisting, and Filming them constantly.

In a once in a life time chance ( I mean its like winning the Lottery and then being struck by lighting.) Thierry’s cousin was hosting non other than the infamous Banksy who had already made a name for Himself. Thierry was allowed into Banksy’s inner circle even visiting the Illusive Artists Studio (Banksy’s Team found it odd and were very weary of Theirry). Thierry started going out at night with Banksy acting as a look out or extra pair of hands as Banksy put up new work.

A little later on the various Graffiti Artist drew Thierry’s non stop filming of them and their activities into question. The question was why the fuck was Thierry filming Them in the first place? Thierry had had NO PLAN for the endless hours of footage he had shot, and currently was shooting. So being rather put on the spot Thierry announced He was filming because he was making a Documentary on The Various Artists, and the birth of the Street Art fascination that was inadvertently legitimizing Graffiti as in fact Art.

Now thats all good and fine its what ended up happening next that pisses me off.

Banksy finally called Thierry out, and told him now was the time to release His Documentay because it was the essential backstory to the newly dubbed Street Art World. Thierry went to work sifting through countless bins of material as he worked feverishly to complete his so called Documentary. The Documentary was anything but. It was 90 minutes of seizure inducing, eye bleeding bullshit. It was just random images thrown together in a Manic Manner so it appeared like a 90 minute music video that escaped from MTV in the 1980’s and went absolutely insane.

Seeing the Documentary was a complete and utter failure Banksy formulated a plan to salvage the project. As Theirry idolized Banksy to the umpteenth degree Banksy got Thierry to let him borrow all of his footage. Banksy then recommended that Thierry head home, create some Art, and perhaps have a little show. Thierry took this to heart as an official mission assigned Him personally by His Idol Banksy.

Now while wasting time, content, and miles of Video Tape is a real shitty thing, and fucking up a project happens so while I’m pissed at this point in the story, the following part is what truly Enrages Me to NO END.

Thierry went home and the first fucking thing he does is rent a MASSIVE 5 story fucking warehouse for his upcoming show. Then Thierry (who accept for a few sporadic pieces (a picture of Him holding a camera) had never been an actual Graffiti Artist. Thierry then hires a legion of Millennial Graphic Artists to crank out REALLY CLICHE CRAP thats BLATANTLY a LAME attempt to IMITATE Banksy. Thierry has NO ACTUAL ARTISTIC CREATIVITY, TALENT OR SKILL.

Then Thierry gave him self the Moniker of Mr. Brainwash, and started to promote Himself and His upcoming show as if He was a legitimate long time, well know, and respected Graffiti Artist who was friends with all the Other now Big Name Graffiti Artists, and that He had the distinct honor in personally knowing Banksy. He used Banksy and Other Big Artists  to shamelessly Self Promote Himself FALSELY.

At this point Graffiti had been rebranded as Street Art as it had become popular in the Allegedly Fine Art World. And because of its new found trendiness provided the key to Thierry’s unwarranted success. Every Hipster, Trend Chaser, Pretentious Assholes, Fine Art Dealer, and Exclusive Art Gallery Owner wanted a piece of the Street Art Pie because by now Banksy Works had sold for up to and over a million dollars (which only serves to encourage unscrupulous Thieves) BOTTOM LINE Every Sucker and Presumptuous Asshole bought Thierry’s bullshit credentials and so called Street Credit hook, line, and fucking sinker.

In the end Thierry filled the gigantic rented warehouse with tons of Pathetic Graffiti Knock Off Bullshit Pieces conceived and done by one of his HIRED underlings, and presented them all as His own. Thierry fit right into the fake ass kissing world of Fine Art, Thierry could bullshit his ass off as Elitist Idiots ate it up ravenously like rabid Lemmings.

 

THE POINT OF THIS 2 PART POST is as follows.

There Unintelligent and Untalented ASSHOLES like Thomas Edison and Thierry aka Mr. Brainwash in the World that like so many other Con Artists STEAL other’s Intellectual Property, and then have the balls to claim it as Their own. THAT IS HORSE SHIT. Those people are fucking bottom dwelling leeches that act like Brainless Parasites feeding off Other’s Originality for their own fame/fortune.

Fuck Trends, Fuck Hipsters, Fuck Art Thieves, Fuck High End Art Galleries, Fuck Fine Art Dealers, Fuck Fakes, Fuck Wannabes, Fuck Mr. Brainwash, Fuck Edison, Fuck Scam Artists, Fuck Con Men, Fuck Unoriginality, Fuck Cliches, and Fuck the Fine Art Assholes.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Life Imitates Art as Art Imitates Life Part 1: Tesla, Edison, and Electricity

I decided to write this post because it gave me a chance to address to issues I have issue with per say. While I truly love and respect original talent/material equally despise Trendy Band Wagon Jumpers,  those who have no talent of their own so they rip off those they want to emulate from the News/Social Media. Not only do they steal ideas/concepts they have the fucking balls to strut around patting themselves on the fucking back constantly. These talentless hacks parade around congratulating themselves for producing (and cashing in on because its money/fame these self proclaimed artists are really interested in, the art comes second with these ignorant idiots) shitty wannabe knock offs.

Now on this topic I have 2 separate ( but similar as you will see) issues I want to address so this will be a 2 Part Post.

The First one being Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla on the subject of Electricity (its not what you think nor would expect, but I digress).

The Second one being Mr. Brainwash/Thierry Guetta and Banksy/ Identity Unknown on the subject of Street Art Then and Now.

Starting with good old Tommy Edison and Nikola Tesla I must get a few things strait. This is NOT  Biographical or a History Lesson. I’m not going to play the good old pissing contest contending the accomplishments or criticisms of each man. I will most definitely not be using this post to indulge the Nerdpocalyptic argument that rages on through the ages in addition to today on who had the better electrical discovery Edison’s DC Current or Tesla’s AC Current. I am not an inventor, scientist nor expert so unlike most fucking people I’m not going to pretend that I know when in reality I don’t.

What I think is utter Horseshit is this. While Edison tooled around with DC Currents and Tesla with AC Currents they’re philosophies on how the benefits of harnessing electricity would affect the American Public. Tesla’s belief was quite simple by harnessing electricity he would create a network that would provide electricity to every home, business, and anywhere it would benefit his fellow man (Example Street Lights, Traffic Lights, Signs, recharging devices etc.) FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE.

The last point is this Tesla was a one man show. True while Tesla had a few assistants through out the years they were nothing more than helping hands in helping Tesla with experiments ALL of the ideas/concepts/beliefs where sold those of Tesla himself. The best comparison I can provide is to the much more recent musician Trent Reznor. Reznor writes all of his “Bands”(Nine Inch Nails or NIN for short) music and lyrics as well as playing all the instruments Himself. When Reznor heads out on tour he hires a back up band because obviously He can’t play live shows all by himself.

Meanwhile as for Thomas Edison….

Edison allegedly invented the light bulb (a fact refuted by the Historians of today who say Edison’s claim is nothing but bravado and bullshit). Now some of our Readers may be confused (or wondering what the point is) as Edison is documented in the Historical Records of Humanity as just that the inventor of the light bulb so? The answer is also my point. Edison HIRED nothing short of an Army of Young Inventors in what were referred to as “Invention Factories” which he had several of in America and in Europe. These Invention Factories where supposed to nurture the Young Inventors and allow them a place to work and thrive a true platform for knowledge.In reality if any of Edison’s EMPLOYEES (because lets face it thats what the were) had a brilliant Idea or Invention Edison would take the idea, and then CLAIM CREDIT FOR IT much like the Light Bulb. The whole fucking set up was a scam set up by Edison to con Young Inventors to benefit his own career. Thats a serious Dick Move.

Now back to the Light Bulb. After claiming to have created the Light Bulb quickly established Edison General Electric which was the first move to Monetize Electricity as a Consumer Commodity. Time passes and a few starter Electric companies throw their hats into the ring for the new and viable Electricity Market. In just 2 short years in 1892 Edison consolidated all of his assorted businesses, and then Merged his consolidated companies with his number one Competitor to form GENERAL ELECTRIC.

The Bottom Line is this 1. Edison was a Hack who stole inventions/Ideas from weak, vulnerable, and Nieve Young Inventors. 2. Overtime you open your Electric Bill and exclaim “Are you serious?!” or ‘What the FUCK?!!!” you can thank Thomas Edison for creating the ELECTRIC BILL when Tesla would have provided the same service(s) TOTALLY FREE.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Look How Brooding (I Was)

I decided on the old spring cleaning today. More like my portable DVD player is gathering dust and I need to find its extension cord. So even though the ideas of what I want to write are running through my head at a blistering pace, like sperm pelting the floor at a bathhouse, I’ve taken the lazy way out and decided to throw up a few brooding poems from about five years ago. I think I wrote them in rehab, hence the plastic bed references casually strewn in there.

Disowned

Why do I work to escape this very moment
When all I should do is tuck it away
How come my darkest world shines so bright
When it only brings me the fear of my plight

The hate in my soul drips forth with blood
While the bluebirds may chirp
I sit here in your mud
It’s like one thousand flavors rattle my cage
Dairy Queen and Lucifer, One and the same

My chest collapses slowly
While I wriggle in pain
Two candy canes half eaten
Melting in the rain

..I feel for my pulse but it’s not to be found
I’ve been riding in your carriage too long
But my soul is nowhere around

You still plague my soul
Even from far, far away
The wax from your candle
It melts my nightmares
Covers up all this dismay

And I used to run, I used to fly
There once was a time I never cried
Your heart it stayed open
Your veins never closed
The moths gracing your light bulbs
They practically glowed

And one day I’ll wake up
Maybe I’ll even truely care
But for this moment in time
This moment I own
Alone in my thoughts
Even though my brain isn’t home

I plot and I ponder.
I sit and I stare.
The tadpole didn’t come home for supper
But I still feel him there

And I know this isn’t reality
Yet it’s certainly not a dream
Just a slice of delusion
In a cherry pie choking on whipped cream.

(And then there is this one below.  I never titled it. I hate titles. They should die.)

-UNTITLED-

All my Johnnys have gone away
While I sat staring out the window
Trying to breathe in the world
When all I saw was the lamp post
And your reflection in a puddle

Then I sailed across the ocean
Looking for you
Looking for him
I wondered where your trail of bread crumbs led
But they only formed some lost circle
Empty of my heart
Crashing up my car

I ate a sundae with marshmellows
It tasted like you
Or wait maybe like him
And I put on some Jimmies
But they were too sweet
You tasted so bitter
Yet it was my dream
I swallowed my dreams

The boat then crashed ashore
My holy father whipped me
I just wanted your chains
To cramp my style
You squeezed my soul so fine

But I’ve lost your scent
The moon doesn’t rise
And your face isn’t on my quarter anymore
Just another dead president

And one day I do know
That something will rise out of the sky
I’d just take the sun
But you are my God
I don’t know if I should try

Yet maybe it’s my destiny
Just smelling you out
I’m not sure though
Because it may not be you
Might have been him
Singing through the birds
Nestling in my head

The queen of hearts left my deck long ago
Suffering without anything to hold onto
My kingdom has lost its peaceful rest

BY SpaceDog 

Blood For You: The GG Allin Post Follow Up

As some of our Readers are aware I did a post piece on the infamous Underground Punk Rock Outlaw Scumfuck Musician GG Allin. What separated this post from the handful of other GG commentary is I did it in collage form using Photos. Now this isn’t an easy task as GG pictures can be hard to find (just like his Albums), and though I did a pretty fucking relentless spending months compiling the pictures for the post I apparently (and not surprisingly) missed a few.

Now thanks to a few of our more avid readers some additional GG Allin Photos have been e-mailed in so here they are.

 

 

Thanks to All Contributing Readers (and keep them coming as a GG Allin Fan I truly appreciate it a great deal)

Les Sober 

Another Absurd Alliteration

Bloody Barbarians battle Brutal bloodthirsty Bastards backlogging butchered bodies beyond belief. Bombarding blitzkrieg bankrupts bewitching beauty begets blasphemous bitter begging bitches believing balderdash. Boasting Buzzards bleed being bound badly before breakfast bread breeds boastful beasts boldly bothering brave brothers.

Beginning bone breaking bondage belonging broken beneath brute braun begrudgingly banished back before beating bold brethren. Bridging bribes briefly between Bandit Bosses bruises breaking bounds before baffling brains beneath books. Biodegradable biodiversity’s bashed bid beckons budding biological behavior bestowing backward balance backing biotechnologies biometric bioluminescent  bacterium.

Backhanded blaming bottomless bittersweet boisterous betrayal biomorphic bloodsuckers benevolent beforehand brilliance. Blistering brainchild’s burdensome biodynamic bilateral benchmark basic bourgeois barrister’s bioethics broadside befitting bimonthly boundary. Bankable behemoth bearing bizarrely blessed bronze butters beloved brokers brief buyout began benignly branding breeds benchmark boredom burning brightly.

Blissful burial beseeches breeches beholden baroness’s boldfaced bullshit brainstorming by bereaved bankrupt banker’s bitching banter babbling boundlessly. Bedraggled bedridden bohemian baron brokenhearted broadsided by blackmail breakdown builds brilliant birthright bestowed borderline bullbaiting bile. Battlefront belligerent benediction brotherhood’s brutalization bravado beckons befuddled boys bloodletting brainwashing biosynthesis backscattered bewilderment.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober