Tag: adult bookstore

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

    

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

     

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

I apologize that this post is quite a bit late. It’s currently 12:11am. By current Standards that technically Tomorrow so I neglected to get this so called Daily Post in by the Midnight Deadline. I personally think Midnight is far to early to Count as the Next Day. I believe that time is 3:00am. Some Say Six but that Midnight’s exact extreme Opposite. I will try to adhere to th Rules I set for Myself regarding this Mishap.

   

Shane reached Check Out, and unceremoniously tossed the Dildo onto the Counter. It appeared to Lee that Shane still had something to say on the matter at hand so He decided to engage Shane a bit further to satiate His growing Curiosity.

You see Lee had taken Note when Shane had Dropped the Name Lester Sane as Lee Himself was in fact a Huge Fan of (In)Sane Movies which was Lester Sane’s Production Company. Lee couldn’t pass up a chance to pick Shane’s Brain to find out all He could about one of His Cinematic Heroes.

“Hey Bud I couldn’t help but hear that You work for Lester Sane.” Lee said with a slightly questioning inflection in His voice.

“You heard Right. Whats it like working for or with Lester Sane well His Number One Influence and Icon is Lloyd Kauffman of Troma if You catch My Drift.” Shane replied Earnestly with just a Bit of Incredulous.

 

“Can’t Lie I’m a Big Fan of Troma and (In)Sane,” replied Lee Hoping that His comment didn’t piss Shane off into Shutting Down and thus Ending Their Exchange.

“Lester is actually a quite intelligent, and at heart is truly a Nice and Caring Guy, The Problem is You have to see that through a Thousand Layers of Bullshit, and most People give up or are Run Off before They even have a chance of Knowing the Real Lester Sane. It’s rather fucking Sad You Think about it.” Shane said while Idly Inspecting the Dildo that Started the Whole Debacle not because He gave an actual shit, BUT it provided Him a Focal Point.

“My Brother is the same Type of Personality.” Lee said encouragingly as He Rung Up the Dildo.

   

“Hold on,”Shane blurted Out before reaching over and snatching an adjustable Cock Ring of the Impulse Buy Display at the Register. “There now the King has Everything for His Erectile Empire.”

“I see what You’re saying. It seems some of the most Brilliant Artists blur the Thin Line between Genius and fucking Madness until You can’t seem to distinguish One from the Other” Lee said matter of factly as He tossed Shane’s purchases into a Plain Brow Paper Bag.

Funny Lee thought that the Whole Purpose of the Innocuous Brown Paper Bag to be absurdly Funny.  It was intended to Hide the Fact that You Purchased something Pornographic by disguising it in a Everyday Mundane fashion.  The Irony was that the Jig was Up long ago since People realized Brown Paper Bag approach was just a Rouse. Thus You can’t be a fucking Magician if Everyone knows Your fucking Tricks.

     

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (9/365)

Posting Time: 12:36am

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

“Fine.Fine. I’m done there’s no dealing with You right now. I’m calling Lester and I’ll figure this out from the directly from the Director Himself.” said Shane indignantly before whipping out His Cell Phone with the speed of a Wild West Gunslinger.

Shane then left to Converse in Private in the Parking Lot. Glen now on His own loitered about wondering the Isle aimlessly talking shit under His Breath. It was blatantly obvious that Glen was Acting the Asshole Lee thought to Himself . Again it wasn’t hard to tell Glen was in the Shittiest of Moods it was Written all Over His Face in the form an seriously Sinister “Eat Shit” Scowl.

   

“Who the Hell buys all this Over Priced Perversion?!” inquired Glen in an Overly Demanding Tone to No One in particular as it seemed to be more of an actual Statement rather than an Honest Question.

“Everyone.” Lee quipped snidely as He was growing tired of Glen’s less than Stellar Asshole Attitude. Glen is Lee’s opinion was overthinking the living shit out of the Situation. Shane had the right fucking idea that when in Doubt (especially if Your job could possibly be on the Line) Suck It Up, say fuck it, and Go to the Source Itself.

   

“I don’t need Your two goddamn Cents worth You Cock Jockey.” Snarled Glen through His clenched Teeth looking Madder than ever.

Lee considered that comment was rather Homophobic Sounding, BUT He did get the reference to Him being a Porn Shop Employee. Lee also got a Laugh out of the Fact the Insult had a direct Correlation with Glen and Shane’s Purchase of a Dildo. At this point Lee opted begrudgingly to bite His tongue because there was no point arguing with an Asshole. Glen was Shane’s fucking problem let Him deal with the all of Glen’s pessimistic bullshittery.

   

Luckily for Lee it was then that Shane returned from His Parking Lot Conversation with Lester with His head hanging Low. Shane also seemed to now be in a real Rush it appeared to Lee since Shane was walking hurriedly in a very determined stride. He looked like a dejected Child to Lee like a mischievous Kid who just got Scolded for some Small Indiscretion.

” So I talked with Lester, well I talked while He was Yelling at Me like a motherfucker and a half.” lamented Shane before informing Glen that in spite of the in suing  Creative Chaos that was the making of a Lester Sane Movie He had managed to get an Answer.

“Thank fuck.” sighed Glen wearily,”What pray tell then is the Solution for Our Severed Schlong dilemma ?” Now that The Duo had a definitive answer this somehow stopped Glen’s Asshole Tirade in its tracks. Glen’s Hostile Attitude was suddenly replaced with an Exasperated Sarcasm as if He had run out of Shit Spewing Steam, and was finally Accepting the Situation.

   

Tune In Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (2/365)

Lee spent the early Day downtime pondering why Anyone still Patronized Porn Shops. Lee like the name Porn Shop as it seemed more Honest than the watered down Adult Store/ Adult Book Store. Why would Anyone bother going to a Porn Shop with the Infinite Universe of Free Internet Porn that could be viewed in (the Protection and Privacy of) One’s Own Home.

It was very similar to when VHS Tapes became available to the General Public it was inadvertently the Final Nail in the Porno Movie Theaters. The principle reasoning is fucking Identical in Why go out and risk embarrassment/Arrest when You could now watch all the Porn you wanted at Home for the First Time thus negating the need or use of Porno Movie Theaters.

Lee surmised that the Principle Reason People still Frequented Porn Shops was simply Instant Gratification. If One wanted say a Certain Sex Toy (outside of the Free Porn Movie Clips/Movies/Scenes) One has to wait for it to be Delivered. Even with 2 day, Priority, and Overnight shipping People want what the want as fast as fucking possible optimally without waiting.

Lee also had come to the conclusion that the Evolution of the Porn Shop over just short of 5 Decades had a great deal with People still Utilizing Porn Shops, and Porn Shops Widening Their Customer Base. The Old Days of the Dingy, Dank, Poorly Lit Porn Shops with Their Sticky Floors and Shady Clientele had gone the way of the Dodo. Porn Shops used to be on the outer fringe of Society operating in a sketchy “Legal Grey Area” since Technically in the 1970’s Porn was basically Illegal. Customers of Porn Shops or Adult Porno Movie Theaters ran the risk of Being Arrested in a Police Raid.

     

Then over the Years Porn slowly became more accepted by Society as a whole. So it was this Social Shift that allowed Porn Shops to essentially come out into the Open and Operate like any other legitimate Business. And with being allowed to Operate without Legal issues/trouble Porn Shops literally cleaned up Their act.

Porn Shop became bright and well lit with Loud and Colorful Advertising Posters on the White Sterile Walls. Suddenly Porn Shops went from Sleazy STD Ridden Barely Legal Shitholes to Viable Commercial Retail Shops that resembled Walmart more than a Scummy Den of Vice.

   

Stay Tuned for Tomorrows Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watch (3/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (1/365)

Lee arrived at work half an hour late. He then proceeded to unlocked the door, walked in, and switched the lights on. Slowly the rows of Florescent Lights that lined the ceiling flickered to life initiating Their Trademark and incessant Hum.  Lee made sauntered lazily to the back office that was in fact a converted Janitorial Closet, and the stench of Bleach and Industrial German Disinfectants still hung in the air.

As Lee counted out his cash drawer he glanced at the Calendar that hung on the wall that was one of the free Chinese Food Restaurant freebies. The Owner was such a  fucking cheap  bastard he made Scrooge look like a fucking shopaholic.

17 more days Lee noted 17 more days until the day he had decided previously to getting the job to quit. You see Lee was a self-proclaimed Professional People Watcher, and in planning Lee had set a standard 90 day time limit for every job he would have along his expiration of Humanity in all its shapes and forms.

Lee excited the shitty excuse for an Office and navigated the row of X Rated DVDs with covers that depicted every sex act imaginable (well the legal ones anyways). He past the racks of Various Sex Toys from Dildos to Cock Rings lined the shop walls. Lastly Lee walked his way through the small assembly of Mannequins dressed in all types of Fetish Wear to the Cashier’s counter.

      

Lee looked at his watch to check the time which was 9:30 am on a Wednesday. Lee took his post on the rickety Bar Stool behind the Counter, Cracked open a Adrenaline Energy Drink, and sat back since business wan’t going to pick up for another several hours at least.

Stay Tuned for Tomorrow’s Next Installment of  LEE JONIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (2/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober