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Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn.  As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

       

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

   

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

       

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

The rest of the Day was painfully slow at The Porn Shop with just a sparse handful of Walk Ins off the Street, but no real customers to speak of. The Owner Lee had been told upon His hiring that if Sales were Slow, and it was costing more money to stay open than was Cash coming through the Door to just Lock Up early and knock off early.

It was common sense and Lee rather not be stuck at the Job if there wasn’t anything going on since Battling Boredom was Lee’s primary goal in Life. It’s why He had decided to dedicate the rest of His days on Earth Observing Humanity for one reason and one reason only that being People if nothing else were quite Entertaining.

    

Lee had also adopted a Socrates approach to the rest of His Life which was He accepted (and also admit if and when need be) that He in fact didn’t know jack shit about a single goddamn thing. This way His Ego wouldn’t interfere with what Other People could Teach Him.

People Lee had found were willing (or felt compelled to) talk about subjects that They knew little to nothing about at Length. Lee found this occurrence fascinating and figured that People did it for One of Two reasons.

        

First off it was an obvious Social Pressure. No one wants to be Left out of the Loop, and No One wants to be the designated Office Idiot. The Other reason for the was phenomenon was Ego Driven. People simply felt that on some level They had to prove Their Knowledge or Intelligence to Others when the chance presented itself. Bottom Line in Lee’s onion was People just like to Hear Themselves talk while being paid attention too.

Lee got Himself ready to leave gathering up His belongings, Counting out His cash Drawer, Shutting Down the Shop  Computer, Sexting up whatever was needed for the following Day, and systematically shutting the lights off as He went. Everything was going smoothly, and uneventful. That was until Lee went to finish His final Closing Time Task of Locking The Front Door thats when things got REALLY Interesting.

      

Lee walked over to the Front Door with Keys in Hand ready to lock up and Leave when He noticed the Little Old Lady standing directly on the other side of the Glass Door. Even thought the Glass door like the few Shop windows were Tinted Heavily, but Lee could still see the facial features of the Little Old Ladies due to the fact She was standing so close to the Door Her nose was almost smushed up against it.

As He peered through he Door at the Old Woman the first thought that crossed Lee’s mind was that This was Definitely going to be something different. Again for the Second time that Day Lee felt the Surge of Curiosity well up inside of Him.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 13/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (9/365)

“When it comes to Lester He was a Genius, but I think as the Years went on Movie, By Movie He just slowly slipped into Insanity.” Shane said like someone recollecting a memory that until then had been long forgotten.

“Can I ask You one Question.” Less asked Cautiously, “It’s Not the Usual Fanboy Bullshit either I mean save that crap for ComicCon right?!”

“Fine if it’s just one Question Go For It I’m not exactly in a Hurry to head back to the Set with Mr. Motherfucker out there.” Shane said with a guarded tone in His voice as Shot a Quick Glance at the Door as if He gave a shit about keeping tabs on Glen (Who had yet to return from His Self Imposed Exile to the Parking Lot.)

   

The reason Lee asked Shane a Personal Question about working with Indie Film Icon Lester Sane was He didn’t want to Waste time or an Opportunity to  Learn about Shane and Lester’s Work Relationship.

Sure Lee had countless Questions being a HUGE Lester Sane Admirer, But He was reminded of a Saying He had heard Growing Up that “A Warrior Can’t Win Every War, So He Must Choose His Battles Wisely.” Lee realized that pestering Shane about What Lester was like in Real Life would be useless. The last thing Shane wanted to talk about was His Batshit Boss.

Lee figured if He wanted to know more in-depth about Lester’s Life or Career He could look it up Online. If He bother Shane with the Typical Type of inane Questions (He got asked every time a Fan of Lester’s Fils finds out that Shane actually Worked with) Shane would become further irritated, and would simple Walk Out, and Lee would have Learned Nothing.

“Thats the kind of Question that You think would be one of the Easiest to Answer.” Shane answered in a Hazy Daydream like way,”I’ve been working for Lester since I graduated from Film School 11 years ago. I really think I was His first Employee actually.”

Lee remained silent allowing Shane the time He needed to since He was going to be gracious enough to indulge Lee in answering His Question. Hurrying Him now would only be Counter Productive since Shane’s angst was subsiding by the Minute. Shane for His part was standing in place switching His weight from foot to foot as He was thinking the Question over in His Head.

“If I had to pick one I now it sounds Cheesy, but it be THE DISEMBOWLER which was My first feature Film and Lester’s 3rd Movie that He had ever made.” Said Shane with a longing fondness of Someone reminiscing about Their Childhood growing up.

   

“Jesus You have been with Lester since basically the very fucking beginning.” Lee said with great admiration unable to restrain Himself before elaborating further,”I mean Lester’s first Film was VOMITORIUM was a Student Film which was followed by Lester’s Short Film I’LL EAT YOUR ENTRAILS so really it was both Lester’s as well as Your first actual Feature Film.”

“Whoa You are a Hardcore Fan if You know about Lester’s earlier Years before He became the Controversial Icon. Most so called Fans just know about the Newest shit of Lester’s like SKULLFUCKER or EJACULATING FECES and all that really over the top Shit.” Shane replied sounding quite sincere, “But there’s nothing like the frantic chaos of Lester’s earlier Film Projects. It was one of those things You’d have to be lucky enough to be in the Right Spot at the Right Time to receive the honor of Participating in it.”

        

Stay Tuned for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober