Tag: Alternative Comedy

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (20/364)

Lee nonchalantly picked up the phone and called Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station. He had brief (yet very to the point) conversation with a Man who identified Himself as Bob told Lee if He was actually interested in Applying He should swing by and Apply in Person. Lee got His shit together and hopped in His car and sped off towards Frank’s Fossil Fuel with High Hopes.

Lee pulled up to Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station to find your basic 8 Pump Gas Station with a small office and two bay Garage set up. Lee parked next to the Dumpster, exited His Car, Walked Determinately into the Office, and asked to speak to Bob. While He waited for Bob He looked around the Office curiously inspecting the lay out and contents.

It seemed to be your typical far  small set of High School Locker Room Lockers in the far left corner opposite the door. There was a small and surprisingly clean Restroom located in the back right corner off of the Office. There were a couple shitty chairs in a half assed U shape forming a cramped and grimy waiting area for those waiting for their car repairs.

On the Right was the Door that leading the actual Garage and a tiny L shaped “Cashier” complete with an Out Dated PC, a Pay Phone (Yes the Dinosaur of Telecommunication), a Cheap ass Office Rack stuffed with fist fulls of Disorganized looking Paperwork, and a Rack of miscellaneous Engine Products with Different basic motor oils, Power Steering System Fluid, and Anti-freeze.

       

Just as Lee was wondering how fucking back dated the feeble collection of Magazines actually were the Garage Door swung open and a Short and Stocky Man entered dressed as a Mechanic who’s name tag read Bob.

“So you’re here for the Job are Ya?” asked Bob questioningly as He did a quick head to toe visual scan up and down of Lee.

“Yes Sir I’m Lee.” Lee replied extending His hand.

“You reliable, Can I count on You to show Up, work hard and not get into any bullshit?” asked Bob guardedly.

“No Sir I don’t even know what You mean by That?” responded Lee curiositly as Bob did in all due fact seem like a Strait Forward No Non Nonsense No Bullshit sort of Guy.

     

Stayed Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Enlightening Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (21/365)

Thanks for reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (19/365)

Lee waited till He heard the solid plunk of the Dart lodging in the Dry Wall before opening His Eyes. Lee slowly crept towards the Post It that Destiny had guided the Dart to in an almost Ritualistic manner.  When Lee was face to face with the Wall He plucked the Post It off and read His Fate. The Post It had the words Gas Station Attendant. Huh Lee though to Himself this was indeed an intriguing new Venture.

Lee found the idea of working as a Gas Station Attendant on several different Levels. There was that on the Historical Level Gas Stations and America’s Golden Age of Car Manufacturing when The Road was King went hand in hand. Gas Station Attendants played a much bigger role back in the Old Days where They wouldn’t just refuel Your Vehicle.

They would also wash the front and rear windshields, and if You wanted check Your Oil and other small routine Maintenance  like Putting Air in Your Tire. This fostered a relationship based on reliance where both the Customer and The Attendant shared a mutual respect for one Another.

                  

Now a Days the Attendant and Customer interact as little as Possible while trying to virtually ignore one another. Lee couldn’t help but think that the 1980’s had facilitated the Beginning of the End for the Gas Station Attendant Job. The pivotal point Lee was trying to pinpoint in His mind was when Gas Stations went from Full Service to just Some Guy Pumping Gas.

On a Secondary Historical Level Pumping Gas is/was an Iconic Piece of Americana when it came to Teenagers. Countless Hordes of High Schoolers throughout the Decades have Manned the Pumps be it either as a Summer Job or as a First (Part Time) Job. It was almost a fucking right of Passage type scenario Some would Say (especially if They grew up in the 1960’s to Mid 1990’s)

Lee also held the belief that this very well could actually be His Last Chance to Work a Job Pumping Gas before the Job Itself unfortunately, but inevitable transitioned from Decline to Extinction. The way Lee saw it with More and More Companies Utilizing Technology as well as Mass Incorporation of Robots some Jobs like certain Species would one day soon be completely Non Existent.

          

Some examples where The Post Office which was Doomed to Death the Day E-Mail hit the Mainstream. Robots replaced Auto Mechanics on the Assembly Lines at the Big American Auto Plants causing Mass and Widespread Layoffs as the actual number of Human Employees dwindled to just a handful. Traffic Camera’s are currently killing off the Mass Majority of Toll Booth Attendants who’s last salvation Lies in Large Cities with Multiple Forms of Public Transportation like Subways for Example.

The so-called Big Box Store Giants like Walmart and Home Depot have already been cutting Cashier Jobs using Self Check Outs. In fact the Number of Self Checkouts is on a steady and consistent rise. It’s gotten to the point that some Major Companies like Apple are looking to Fully Automate Their Stores thus requiring NO HIRING OF HUMANS.

        

Lee chuckled to Himself since the Idea of the Condescending assholes over at the Apple Genius Bar being out of a Job due to the Technology of the Company they serve so fucking Proudly puts Them out of Their Asses jobless. to be utterly Hilarious.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (20/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (17/365)

Goddamnit! Lee thought not because He was moments away from being seriously fucking Fired by a Furious Fran or anything like that. Lee was annoyed because Fran was going interfere with Him getting to see the Conclusion of the Parking Lot Lunacy.

“LEE WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?!!” Screamed Fran like a goddamn Airhorn. It wasn’t so much because He was infuriated, but mainly to be heard over the Sea of Sound in the Parking Lot.

      

“What the Hell Fran this shit is some act of God shit I didn’t fucking plan for this shit to happen for fuck’s sake.” said Lee indignantly even though He knew His firing would play out this way. Lee knew He would be unfairly held accountable for the insane shit that was far beyond His control in the first fucking place, but He’d be damned if He didn’t Go Out Swinging.

“How did you let this happen, and why did you let it get totally out of fucking control?” Demanded Fran who’s Blood Pressure was so high His face was flushed making Him look like He had a fucking 3rd degree Sunburn.

          

“They just showed up and jumped the shit out of Me. I was concerned that perhaps the Little Old Lady at the Door was perhaps a tad senile and might be lost. I unlocked the Door to see if She need assistance, and Her Anti-Porn Posse shoved Their way in. Next fucking thing I know Their fucking rioting and wrecking the Joint.”Lee replied matter of factly as He stood His ground.

“Well goes without saying that as of this moment You’re fucking Fired. Give Me Your Key.”said Fran through clenched Teeth now on the verge of having a Full Blown Stroke.

        

Lee figured fuck it there wasn’t any point in arguing since He didn’t actually give a shit about the Job, and has thoroughly enjoyed the Events of the Day. Lee took the Shop Key off His Keyring and tossed it lamely in Frans direction before getting in His Car. As Lee drove off (down Route 22 to the Prospects of a Better Job to come) He shot a quick glance in His review mirror to get a final look at the Spectacular Sex Shop Showdown, and Smiled with Satisfaction.

Stay Tuned Kids for Tomorrows Enticing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (18/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn.  As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

       

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

   

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

       

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (15/365)

Lee instinctively flipped over onto His Belly (still using the Inflatable Sex Doll as a Shield) figured His best course of action was too literally keep His head down, and army crawl His way to the Door. Luckily for Lee at His lower Level managed to blend into the insuring chaos as He suffered a serious series of pokes and jabs from the Merchandise that coated the floor like a freshly fallen snow.

After a very slow going Lee made it to the Door at last, and stood up before barging His way out to the perceived safety of the Parking Lot. Unfortunately for Lee the Porn Shop was under full blow fucking siege by the incensed Seniors. They were everywhere as far as Lee could see it was just one continuous Sea of Senior Citizens.

      

There was a large and boisterous Picket Line, as well as several People Preaching through Bullhorns from Milk Crate Pulpits. Lee could help but think that the Self Proclaimed Preacher present were all talking over one another so none of Their messages could actually be heard by anyone there.

Also the Senior’s inside had decided it was best to Purge the Porn Shop by not just plundering the Stores Merchandise, But where now actively throwing it into the Parking Lot as the Little Old Ladies outside cheered Them on with chants of “Salvation Over Sin!”, and “Pornography  is Blasphemy!”

        

This Lee thought was the biggest Irony of them all as Vandalizing and trashing the Porn Shop made perfect sense to Lee considering the situation. The thing Lee found so amusing was the Shop while being set back from the Highly Trafficked Route 22 the Parking Lot was completely visible to all the Motorists as well as Bicyclists, Joggers, Dog Walkers, and walking Locals.

So if the Senior Citizens Brigade of God Fearing Soldiers (here to restore Society’s Moral Compass from the Vile Scourges of Sexploitation) were here  to  Truthfully Protect Humanity then why the fuck would They subject the World to the Twisted Perversions They were so Heartily Fighting Against?

      

The point was The Sinful Sex Toys were now littering the ground for not just the Public to see, but since it was 3:00pm School was out. And with the combination of The Local Middle School being in the immediate area, and that the end of Route 22 (where the Shop was Located) turned from Commercial to Residential so there were also School Bus Stops near by. It was by far the Worst Strategy at the Wrong time and Place as an Anti-Porno Pro Christian Righteous Rally could have possibly occurred.

Lee got to His feet as fast as He could while bobbing and weaving through the enraged Mob to find some place anyplace where He could have a second to regroup. By the time Lee found shelter from the Porn Shop Shit Storm behind a tree (that was on the property line of the Porn Shop and the next Door Gas Station) He could hear the Police Sirens Screaming like Banshees in the back round.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Insane Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (16/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

    

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

     

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

    

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

    

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Shane then scrawled His signature on the Credit Card Receipt, Said thanks for the Cool Question, Turned just in time to see Glen stick His head in the Door and Peer around disapprovingly, and double timed to towards the Door.

Lee had almost all the information He wanted, but He had to try and get Shane to Answer one lats Question before departing. “Why did Lester Lie to the Town Council telling Them that You Guys were making a Low Budget Horror Movie?”

   

“I thought a smart Fan like Yourself would have already figured that out.” Shane answer honestly surprised by the Question. Shane looked down at His feet for a minute before providing Lee with His answer. “It was because if You think the fucking Shop Onner’s were fucking pissed about it Imagine if Lester HAD told them the Truth about shooting a Indie Horror Flick? They would have Denied the Permits like a motherfucker, and We still would have Filmed the Scene, but We also would have been subject to the Legal Repercussions. The way Lester did it We had the Proper Permits to Film even though Lester Lied about What kind of Movie We were making it wasn’t technically illegal. It was just a dick Move Ya know.”

With that Shane exited and started His return to Work. Lee sat for a few minutes mulling over the conversation he had just had, and found it quite satisfying. Lee spent the next few hours surfing the Internet Googling the fuck out of whatever entered His Mind at that moment.

   

Lee spent the majority of His time wandering around the Internet reading up on the History of Cannibalism in Fiji. The most interesting documentation Lee came across was the Testimonials of various Christian Missionaries who had traveled to Fiji in the Hope of Converting the Natives. Now yes some where in fact Killed and Eaten over the Year of Active Cannibalism in Fiji.

Now Life in Historical Fiji was Brutal even for Those Missionaries that were luck enough to not be Murder and subsequently Consumed by the Native Tribes of Fiji was no fucking Picnic that was for sure. The Natives had a habit of Harassing the Hell out of the Missionaries. They frequently tossed Severed Heads or Limbs or Freshly Stripped Human Bones over the Walls on the Monitories littering the lawn with Their Human Leftovers.

     

Even more Outrageous were the Written Accounts of The Missionaries about the Rival Native Tribes returning from Battle with Prisoners in tow. The Natives were exuberant not just drunk on the Victory in Battle, But that They also got to EAT THE PRISONERS.

Lee thought this was a wonderful example of Perspective. To the Outside World (for the most part there were other Countries that indulged in the Ritual of Cannibalism) Cannibalism was one of the Greatest Taboos, Yet for the Cultures that Practiced Cannibalism (or Necro Cannibalsim or the Eating of the Dead) it was Perfectly Acceptable, and really not that a big of a deal that They ate People, its just what the did. It’s what They were taught growing up. Teaching the Next Generation the Practice of Cannibalism was just like Scumbag Racist indoctrinating They’re Young with Their Hate.

   

Stay Tuned for Kids Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

“So what exactly was it about working on THE DISEMBOWELER that made it such a Unique experience?” asked Lee casually again making sure to trend lightly to avoid stepping on Shane’s toe’s as it were and Derailing the Conversation.

“In a word Excitement. Everyday of Filming the Atmosphere was Holy SHit I can’t wait to see what happens next Type Vibe, and that was all due to Lester’s exceptionally Unconventional way of making a Movie.” Shane said trailing off a bit towards the End as if He was Traveling Back in Time through His Memories. Shane paused to pay Lee before picking up where He left Off.

   

“While it the first Film I worked on I showed up on Set for the first day Filming in absolute Awe of it all. There I was a 21 year old Punk Kid who just Graduated Film School 2 months before landing the DISEMBOWELER gig. I couldn’t believe My luck this was a REAL Movie, a Feature Length, Professionally Shot Movie with a Cast and Crew You know all the shit the Tell You about when Your in Film School. And now it was materializing around Me and I could barely believe it like I said I was truly Awe Struck.” Shane said with what seemed to be growing enthusiasm,”What made it Exciting was learning Trick of the Trade You know the shit They Don’t tTeach in Film Schools. It was My very first experience with the Gorilla Style of Movie Making.

   

Lee’s curiosity was buzzing like a Industrial Bug Zapper. Lee loved hearing People’s Stories especially Life Stories as They always seemed much more interesting than anything else in Lee’s opinion. Lee dared not interrupt Shane’s flow with some useless comment like “Really” or “Wow thats Crazy” so Lee stood transfixed looking at Shane intently.

Shane placed both His hands on the glass counter top, stretched, and let out a prolonged sigh before Finishing His story. Lee was concerned for a second that Shane had grown tired of talking, and well He did need to get Back to the Set before much longer.

      

“My most vivid and favorite Memory from working on THE DISEMBOWELER was on the very last day of Shooting, and We had acquired the Permits needed to Film on the Main street of this Little Bumkin Town. Now Lester had told the Town Council that He was requesting the Permit so He could Film a Documentary on Local Artists or some bullshit like that. Well of course on the Last Day of Filming the Last science We needed to Shoot was the Legendary Rampage Scene. I’m sure a Fan like You is well aware that the Scene was where The Disembowler is running down the Street in a Homicidal Blood Fueled Psychosis. The Scene required 7 Victims to be dispatched by being Disemboweled during the Rampaging Massacre. Needless to say the Local Shop Owners took GREAT Acceptation to having a small group of Out of Town Movie Weirdo’s running amok Filming multiple Gory Blood Drenched Fake Deaths while using Actual Real Pig Intestines (as well as several Organs such a Liver and Kidneys which were purchased from Town Butcher.” said Shane before taking a moment to check His watch to see what time it was before wrapping the Story Up.

    

“So We are about half way through Filming the Scene When The PA alerts us to the sound of approaching Police Sirens. No One knew what the fuck to do other than to just say fuck it and keep Shooting no matter what. As the Cops get closer and closer the Crew started to loose Their focus being distracted by the Police Sirens, and possible repercussions for Lying to get The Permit for Filming. Lester grabs this Old Beat the hell up Bullhorn circa the 1970’s and just goes Apeshit Crazy. He starts screaming at The Camera man that He better not stop shooting before We were done filming the Scene, Hollering at the Actor’s to stay in fucking Character, and yelling at PA to get the everything ready because We’d be leaving in a hell of a hurry. We managed to finish Filming the Scene, and We all split up running every which way towards whatever Vehicle We were closest to while trying not to Drop equipment or break a fucking Ankle in the process. It was complete chaos, BUT luckily We sped back to the shitty Motel where We were all staying during the Filming, grabbed Our shit as fact as possible, and franticly got the fuck out of Dodge before The Towns Folk brought the Hammer Down.”

   

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Swan Song

I’ve been sitting here for several hours now contemplating. What is it that you wish for the last blog of this decade to be???? And I thought to myself wow another decade gone by… I know I’ve been around for 5 as of midnight tomorrow, which makes me feel super old but I can’t help that I was born at the end of one decade and will into the infancy of the next.

But still…. really this really only feels like the 3rd decade, because well I sure don’t remember where I was for New Years in 1989, well my house I’m sure since at the age of 11 I was over protected by my parents like the pope in his golf cart bubble looking thing. Popemobile!!!! I’ve always wanted one of those.

    

Even in 2009, I really have absolutely no clue where I was for new years. I was old enough that I should remember as it was not all that long ago but I have no clue. I’m just sure that I screamed much louder, well at least until there came another year where I just happened to be that much drunken. Not that much more rowdy, I do rowdy with the best of them whether in an altered state of mind or not. That is not a particularly hard one for me to conjure.

And this year 2019 unless hell freezes over, I will be in the Big Apple, wet and soaked with way, way too many other people. I guess this is a good way of getting over my fear of crowds, I mean my central theme going on this year was do things you are afraid of and conquer them.

   

I mean so far there has been travelling dark Texas Chainsaw Massacre roads at night, driving 100 on the highway, going away with myself for a week (and being comfortable with it), and exercising my right to say fuck off to whoever needs to be told that. I am not afraid to let someone know that they are not right and this new and improved bluntness deluxe get me into more trouble then bluntness original but all things need to be upgraded. Even those that cause drama.

So anyway here is my swan song blog for the year and possibly for my sanity. I have a final 3 list as to where the hell I am going from here and am hoping to expand my readership beyond the 3.5 of you out there. But I love you guys, even the 0.5 dude. Big things do come in small packages!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

   

London was born in the kingdom of Ranchero, not so far away from the Wasteland of Frito, and the loins of his mother Queen May Belle Jo. He lived a truly charmer life from his first crib plated with gold to the baseball bat he used which had diamonds encrusted in the handles. The nouveau riche were told this would help also enhance their climbing fortunes but London liked things that sparkle. His mother obliged.

  By SpaceDog