Tag: Alternative Comedy

The F List Continues Baffling Its Creator

As I am sure even if they haven’t read it Readers are aware of two recent Posts Titled F to the U to the C to the K Parts 1 and 2. For those who may not be aware the original Post was a beyond basic “List” if you will of Fucks as in molded in the Fuck “That” format.

The 1st “List” as it were was only meant to be one singular post. Later after it was posted I slowly realized that I had forgotten a few things, and before I knew it I had another whole “Lists” worth of material.

At this point even My Dear Friend SpaceDog whom I have know more years than I can recall right now thought that had to be it.

And so did I.

We were Both Wrong.

The Cycle just reset itself and began once again spawning a 3rd and possibly final Fucks “List” (which is fucking Mind Boggling even for Me)

To say that these posts are not for f-yourblog curious Noobs. This only appeals to the small section of society that truly understand the “Lists”

No One  including Myself wouldn’t blame Anyone for skipping over this or the two prior “Lists” Not by a Long Shot. The One and Only SpaceDog Himself said reading the “Lists” made him feel and I quote “Dirty”

So for those Hardcore enough to withstand the Gruesome Grind I give you List Number 3 in the ongoing F to the U to the C to the K to the series.

The Fucks List Continues:

Fuck Tiny Houses. Fuck Waffle House. Fuck Tail Gating. Fuck the Illogical.

Fuck Colombo. Fuck Nursing Homes. Fuck Coal. Fuck Armed Conflicts.

Fuck Leaky Roofs. Fuck Head Colds. Fuck The Flu. Fuck Foot Notes.

Fuck Traffic Lights. Fuck Neighbors. Fuck Kenny G. Fuck Muzak.

Fuck Flutes. Fuck Ice Machines. Fuck Regulations. Fuck Teletubbies.

Fuck NPR. Fuck AM Radio. Fuck FM Radio. Fuck Satellite Radio.

Fuck Internet Radio. Fuck Chat Rooms. Fuck Shitty Tattoos.

Fuck Manic Panic. Fuck Body Piercing. Fuck Phil. Fuck Jail. Fuck Uniforms.

Fuck Fango. Fuck Fanta. Fuck Soy Milk. Fuck Coconut Water.

Fuck I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter. Fuck Substitutes. Fuck Tori Amos.

Fuck Mr. Brainwash. Fuck Cheap Toilet Paper. Fuck Hand Dryers.

Fuck Port-O-Pottys. Fuck Credit. Fuck Loans. Fuck PayDay Loans.

Fuck The Movie Ratings Board. Fuck Harmonicas. Fuck Loans.

Fuck Finances. Fuck Mortgages. Fuck Predatory Bank Loans. Fuck Loofas.

Fuck Body Spray. Fuck Spas. Fuck Unsolicited Advice. Fuck The Odds.

Fuck Playing It Safe. Fuck Droll Waiters/Waitresses. Fuck Last Call.

Fuck Spray Tans. Fuck Extensions. Fuck Push Up Bras.

Fuck Victoria’s Secret. Fuck Staring. Fuck Foreclosures.

Fuck Insider Trading. Fuck Slow Fast Food Service. Fuck Identity Theft.

Fuck Religious Conflicts. Fuck Home Schooling. Fuck Reunion Tours.

Fuck Being On The Spectrum. Fuck Quiet Riot. Fuck The Beetles. Fuck Yoko Ono.

Fuck Bob Dylan. Fuck The 70’s. Fuck The 90’s. Fuck Dull Knives.

Fuck Dog Racing. Fuck Horse Fighting. Fuck Coming Back Into Fashion.

Fuck Hair Salons. Fuck Sore Losers. Fuck Asshole Winners.

Fuck Dog Fighting. Fuck Gloating. Fuck Howie Mandel.

Fuck Condo Associations. Fuck Middle Men. Fuck People’s Core.

Fuck Hot Yoga. Fuck Carbs. Fuck So Called Upscale Shit. Fuck Cell Towers.

Fuck Dust Bunnies. Fuck Shedding. Fuck Speed Limits. Fuck Spite.

Fuck Malice. Fuck Re Runs. Fuck Whitening Strips. Fuck Date Rape.

Fuck Someone Loves Someone Reality Shows. Fuck The Bachelor.

Fuck The Pick Up Artist Mystery. Fuck Jeff Foxworthy.

Fuck Larry The Cable Guy. Fuck Kevin Hart. Fuck Cialis. Fuck Zoos.

Fuck The Weinstein Brothers. Fuck Beard Art. Fuck Dog Shows.

Fuck Chris Jericho. Fuck Zack Saber JR. Fuck Deep Fried Butter.

Fuck Vince Vaughn. Fuck Decaf. Fuck Papa Johns. Fuck Bell Bottoms.

Fuck Kiss. Fuck Lowe’s. Fuck Property tax. Fuck Non Caffeinated Soda.

Fuck Tim Allin. Fuck Ray Romano. Fuck Jazz. Fuck Noise Bands.

Fuck Synthesizers. Fuck Drum Machines. Fuck Unauthorized Bios.

Fuck Korn. Fuck Morrissey. Fuck Slutever. Fuck Humiliation. Fuck BP.

Fuck Second Rate Sushi. Fuck Tex Mex. Fuck Fusion Restaurants.

Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Maritime Law. Fuck Rush Hour (Traffic).

Fuck Rush Hour Movies. Fuck Steven Seagal. Fuck Dolf Lungrin.

Fuck Jean-Claude Van Damme. Fuck Phish. Fuck The Grateful Dead.

Fuck Petrulli. Fuck Toe Rings. Fuck McRibs. Fuck Ambrosia Salads.

Fuck Jello Molds. Fuck Fruit In Jello. Fuck Fig Newtons. Fuck Flair.

Fuck Glitter. Fuck ARL. Fuck Contradictions. Fuck Cane Toads.

Fuck Fanny Packs. Fuck Snap Bracelets. Fuck Jelly Bracelets. Fuck Mullets.

Fuck Vanilla Ice. Fuck Las Vegas Residencies. Fuck Snake Oil Salesmen.

Fuck Chain Wallets. Fuck Hacks (as in People). Fuck Pokemon Go.

Fuck Cheap Liquor. Fuck Labels. Fuck Swamp Ass. Fuck Anal Leakage.

Fuck Gas Station Bathrooms. Fuck Skiing. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Sorry Not Sorry. Fuck Granola. Fuck LOL. Fuck Fisting. Fuck Thrillers.

Fuck Food Porn. Fuck The Unknown. Fuck Love Seat. Fuck Snuggies.

Fuck Voter Tampering. Fuck Dental Vaneers. Fuck Golden Showers.

Fuck Foot Oder. Fuck Bad Breath. Fuck Hashtags. Fuck Lice. Fuck Herpes.

Fuck Bed Bugs. Fuck Bug Bombs. Fuck Trophy Fishing. Fuck Commands.

Fuck Slot Machines. Fuck Full Voice Mail Mailboxes. Fuck Mimosas.

Fuck Homelessness. Fuck Carbon Dioxide. Fuck Braces. Fuck Smoothies.

Fuck Human Resources. Fuck Spanish Fly. Fuck Roofies. Fuck Spyware.

Fuck The Cold. Fuck Vape Shops. Fuck Toe Sucking. Fuck Rhubarb Pie.

Fuck Smoothies. Fuck Fire Ants. Fuck Preconception. Fuck Cosmetics.

Fuck Assumptions. Fuck Evaluations. Fuck Opossums. Fuck Termites.

Fuck Elective Surgery. Fuck Pool Noodles. Fuck North Korea. Fuck 777.

Fuck Web Cams. Fuck Skype. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Slavery. Fuck Karaoke.

Fuck Vacation Resorts. Fuck Itineraries. Fuck On Schedule. Fuck Profiling.

Fuck Drug Free Work Places. Fuck Netty Pots. Fuck Canned Raccoon Meat.

Fuck Pickled Eggs. Fuck Jerky. Fuck Grits. Fuck Dullards. Fuck Snap Chat.

Fuck The Close Minded. Fuck Vine. Fuck Crabs (Pubic Lice).

Fuck Speed Walking. Fuck Pegging. Fuck Cream Pies. Fuck 7-11.

Fuck Titty Fucking. Fuck Lutefisk. Fuck Canned Meats. Fuck Waste.

Fuck Tea Bagging. Fuck Gristle. Fuck Waste. Fuck Female Circumcision.

Fuck Vice Principlas. Fuck Rats. Fuck Boiled Chicken, Fuck Bottled Water.

Fuck Cheque. Fuck Pasties. Fuck Granny Panties. Fuck The Over Rated.

Fuck False Promises. Fuck Bait and Switches. Fuck Newark. Fuck Trenton.

Fuck South Orange Blossom Trail. Fuck Disney. Fuck Phone Solicitations.

Fuck The Police Athletic League.Fuck The Black Eyed Pea (Restaurant).

Fuck The War On Drugs. Fuck Addiction. Fuck Vices. Fuck CBD. Fuck SWAG.

Fuck Name Tags. Fuck Hospital Gowns. Fuck Social Functions.

Fuck Polities. Fuck Malt Liquor. Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Love Bugs.

Fuck Medical Debt. Fuck Gnats. Fuck Pat Robinson. Fuck Christian TV.

Fuck Gentrification. Fuck Animal Testing. Fuck Mowing The Lawn.

Fuck Jessica Vaughan. Fuck Thomas Homan. Fuck Kirstjen Neilsen.

Fuck Pubic Hair. Fuck Clubs. Fuck Toupees. Fuck Gangs. Fuck The Alt-Right.

Fuck The Proud Boys. Fuck The “I’m Above That” Mentality. Fuck OMG.

Fuck Medical Capitalism. Fuck Pay Per View. Fuck The UFC.

Fuck Sea Monkeys. Fuck Angora. Fuck Corduroy. Fuck Ski Masks.

Fuck Inflatable Lawn Ornaments. Fuck Fake Xmas Trees. Fuck Candy Corn.

Fuck Chemical Warfare. Fuck Water Boarding. Fuck Glory Holes.

Fuck Cheerios. Fuck Table Side Guacamole. Fuck Lectures.

Fuck Thighty Whiteys. Fuck Frozen Rats. Fuck Kazoos. Fuck Mimes.

Fuck Circus Clowns. Fuck Broadway. Fuck Nay Sayers. Fuck Lasik.

Fuck Custom Contact Lenses. Fuck Artificial Vampire Teeth. Fuck Halo.

Fuck Body Modification. Fuck Call Of Duty. Fuck Gamer Chairs.

Fuck Gamers. Fuck Angry Birds. Fuck Words With Friends. Fuck Risotto.

Fuck Candy Crush. Fuck Zucchini. Fuck Invasive Species. Fuck DayQuil.

Fuck Sleep Paralysis. Fuck Red Tape. Fuck Paperwork. Fuck Trivia Crack.

Fuck Sleep Apnea. Fuck Escalades. Fuck Munich International Airport.

Fuck Preferred Customers. Fuck Yard Sales. Fuck Garnish. Fuck Liver Spots.

Fuck Varicose Veins. Fuck IVs. Fuck EKGs. Fuck Nose Hair. Fuck Dipping.

Fuck Cigar Lounges. Fuck Daring Not To Dream. Fuck IQ Tests. Fuck PTSD.

Fuck Bastardizing Dive Bars. Fuck Artificial Intelligence. Fuck  Hair Metal.

Fuck Political Science. Fuck Glam Metal. Fuck Poking (FB). Fuck Toe Rings.

Fuck Revenge Porn. Fuck Trickle Down Economics. Fuck The Boarder Wall.

Fuck Musicals. Fuck Natty Ice. Fuck Day Drinking. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Grown Men Who Call Their Fathers “Daddy”. Fuck Mood Rings.

Fuck Promise Rings. Fuck Las Vegas. Fuck Atlantic Shitty. Fuck Dan Hanson.

Fuck Brittany. Fuck Gargling. Fuck Orgies. Fuck Swingers. Fuck Bukacki.

Fuck Nude Beaches. Fuck Patrolman Miller. Fuck Police Corruption.

Fuck White Collar Crime. Fuck Winding Brook. Fuck Designer Drugs.

Fuck Smoking Pot Using An Apple. Fuck Convince Store Coffee.

Fuck Panera Bread. Fuck Above Ground Pools. Fuck Cauliflower.

Fuck Florists. Fuck Customer Service Reps. Fuck Private Schools.

Fuck Ciracha. Fuck Putting Salt In Beer. Fuck Scrapbooking. Fuck Drones.

Fuck Puppy Mills. Fuck Backyard Wrestling. Fuck Matt Whitaker.

Fuck Blue Jays. Fuck Backyard Breeders. Fuck Kellyanne Conway.

Fuck Vatican LAw. Fuck Kids In Cages. Fuck Russian Oligarchs. Fuck Fur.

Fuck Hello Kitty. Fuck Sports Bars. Fuck Shitty Pizza. Fuck Garbage Island.

Fuck Cable Sports Packages. Fuck Phone Promotions. Fuck The Red Tide.

Fuck Revelations (Bible). Fuck Palm Readers. Fuck Ouji Boards. Fuck Q Tips.

Fuck The Evil Eye. Fuck Pier One. Fuck Pottery Barn. Fuck Sharper Image.

Fuck Segway. Fuck Baby Bumps. Fuck Metal Wind Chimes. Fuck Fruit Wine.

Fuck Dean Heller. Fuck Scott Walker. Fuck Oliver North. Fuck Kris Kobach.

Fuck Bruce Rauner. Fuck Pete Sessions. Fuck Dave Brat. Fuck Kim Davis.

Fuck Claudia Tenney. Fuck Rohrabacher. Fuck Percentages. Fuck Huffing.

Fuck Metal Straws. Fuck Cheesy Welcome Mats. Fuck Police Check Points.

Fuck Valets. Fuck Permits. Fuck 3rd Party Billing Agencies. Fuck Sneaks.

Fuck Military Coups. Fuck Double Speak. Fuck Backstabbers.

Fuck People Who Talk Both Sides Of Their Mouths. Fuck Dementia.

Fuck Alternative Motives. Fuck Privilege. Fuck Servitude. Fuck Mentors.

Fuck Back Handed Compliments. Fuck Cheap Shots. Fuck Sucker Punches.

Fuck Walking Poles. Fuck Land Mines. Fuck Hummers (Vehicles).

Fuck Butt Chugging. Fuck Vodka Tampons. Fuck Smoking Tide Pods.

Fuck Sniffing Glue. Fuck Mass Production. Fuck Comfort Zones.

Fuck Haters. Fuck Alienation. Fuck Life Coach’s. Fuck Advisors.

Fuck Piss Jugs. Fuck Men’s Thongs. Fuck Product (Hair). Fuck Tinsel.

Fuck Cosmetics. Fuck Dereliction. Fuck Disadvantage. Fuck Ye Olde.

Fuck Foreskins. Fuck Conditioning. Fuck Gold Diggers. Fuck Trophy Wives.

Fuck Status Symbols. Fuck Recorders (The Instrument) Fuck a Quick Fix.

Fuck Being “Too Good For” Anything.

AND

Fuck f-yourblog.com.

Well if you have made it through the entire list without skipping an entry congratulations thats really some Hardcore Shit right there.

This is The End of the F List……OR IS IT?!

Thanks for Reading  By Les Sober

Yay cinema! part uno

Every since I can remember I have always been a sucker for a great movie. I will literally drop everything when one of my favorites comes onto my television. I will do what I call the G rated Hollywood cyber stalk when I come across any new actor or actress I’ve discovered who can act and is pleasing to the eye. I will literally pan down the list of movies someone has been in and try to watch as many as possible in that one day. Clearly, this has made my amount of blog posting suspect at best or if we are being total honest non-existent.

There is no real great recollection of my first movie. When it comes to theaters, that movie was E.T.  I cried at the end though I really cannot remember. Literally the next thing I remember about movies is making characters that I thought should be in movies. Not in specific movies. In my movies.

I would see these people in my head while in somewhat of a meditative condition. They would tell me all kinds of intricate details about their lives, their dreams, hopes, desires. Of course, since I was 12 and had little knowledge of the world, these were not exactly groundbreaking. I hid them from everyone. I had suspicions that my parents were reading any little thing I ever wrote and I really did not want them seeing.

So all my childhood characters and playmates ran away. In the beginning they simply made their way to the trash can. Later in my teenage years, the pyromania took full effect and they were always burned. Sometimes by a chant, sometimes by the dead silence of the night, it was a way to let them go again. I didn’t need them taking space in my head just in case they were some kind of malevolent spirit.

For a very long time all of these people, characters, and even a few animals went away. Perhaps it was my dabbles in drugs (or lack thereof as I had rampant visions during my teenage nuclear winter years), my self-deprecation gone awry, or modern technology sucking the life out of me. Most likely it was just everything pilling up into some great big shitstorm all at once.

Then something started to change in the past week. It all started with a seizure. I always portend seizures as a sign of change or trouble and I was not sure exactly what this one would bring. The majority occur when I am passed out or crunk as fuck so it honestly was quite the surprise. Luckily I was seated and it was relatively mild, no loss of consciousness, no loss of surroundings.

Afterwards things began to take remarkable change in my life. I noticed myself laughing again and honesty could not remember the last time I seriously laughed at the complete mundaneness of the world.

Something opened up inside of me. It was almost sexual in nature but without any arousal. It felt like being proud of having snagged someone for the night who is out of your league. It felt like passionately kissing a former lover at the train station never to see them again. Waving goodbye at them with the passion of 19th century mob at a departing ship. A few fake I loves exchanged was the cherry on top of your amicably departing orgasms.

Yet this wasn’t sexual. This was more. This was everything. Yeah sure the internal sadness is still here but it’s kind of like this eternally pestering buzzing noise in my apartment. It can always be drowned out. I was doing a decent job swimming until last night.

That is when it all changed yet again.

To be continued…..

By SpaceDog

First Loves

I have not been writing in a while. I realized some of the things I say I am going to write about and don’t write about, well basically the reason I do not write about them is because well they are not really all that important. I say I’m going to blog about the status of my weight loss and this bullshit and that bullshit but I don’t really care. If I really gave two shits about that I’d be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the day.

Wow I can’t believe his name is in my spell check. I highly doubt my last name will ever make it into the spellchecks of the universe one day. I really hope not actually I’d rather change my name to muffinsnatch. That would be kinda neat to have pop up as a possible spelling in spellcheck.

It’s funny though how in life we get so caught up with the stupid shit and lose sight of the big picture. I really hate when people use the phrase “The Big Picture” because truthfully the big picture for them is nowhere even close to what it is for you. It is so profoundly different for everyone involved. A lot of people don’t have the depth to see this. It is rather unfortunate.

Thankfully I do. Thankfully I see that while my dreams may meet up with the dreams of others at a crossroads or two, my dreams are not theirs, they are not mine.

I have been blessed with the ability to succeed in many different undertakings. Unfortunately many of the different things I have undertaken do not have a glass ceiling. Even if they did have a glass ceiling, I have long since shattered it. It is time to move on.

That being said. While I love writing and love the blogging and such, it is not my first love. No person is my first love. That distinction goes to music.

No matter how many times I may be disappointed or alarmed or happy or jubilant or whatever, I will always come back. I will always be on the search for more. Unfortunately I do not see a concussion at any point in my future so my talent will be none or hope to god everyone is in a blackout and doesn’t remember anything i attempted.

To me it is just better then a first kiss, better then the first shot of liquor, the first spike in my arm, the feeling of love I get when I’m talking to that special someone. There is nothing that can replace the excitement, the pure glee in all my veins on the night of a show. Heck even when someone local has a gig I still get the same kind of rush and excitement and bliss.

I may write more in the future, god knows I have so so much I have not written about. But for now I am embracing my first love and making as many Tracks as humanly possible or until I run out of money to buy blank CD’s and the cases to put them in.

Maybe along the way I’ll mix some sounds together but regarding that one I have one thing to say. Don’t hold your breath.

 By SpaceDog

Drama Queens Need to Get Themselves Killed

Yup you guessed it this Post pertains to Drama Queens who fall in the category of “People We Love To Hate”.

If you don’t believe me just watch 5 fucking minutes of ANY “Reality” TV Show, and since We are on the subject if you watch “Reality” TV or one of the Contest Shows do Me a favor. STOP READING THIS, GO THE HELL AWAY, AND DON’T COME BACK. I have no time for such Bullshit.

Recently I was informed about a particular Drama Queen who’s shitty shenanigans were reeking a good bit of havoc as it were. Now this isn’t just an EXCEPTIONAL Drama Queen, this Drama Queen could be one for the Books. Here’s what happened in a Nutshell.

My Brother T joined a Pinball Team that is part of a Pinball or as he refers to it as “A Drinking Team that happens to play Pinball.”, but since he joined he’s had a lot of fun, met cool characters, made some friends, and generally has a great fucking time.

The Team meets and was competing on a recent Tuesday evening and my Brother’s Wife L came over to the Bar (They always meet and Play in a Bar with varying venues) where My Brother was already warming up for the nights competition.

Outside in a small group of smokers was a tattooed sudo hipster woman who introduced her self to L as Shittney (remember kids I don’t use real names of People or Places)

Now Shinttney is one of those extremely extroverted personality types that get right up in your personal space, and will tell you anything including seriously personal shit. Shit such as Their Great Grandfather was arrested for molesting a circus Elephant or Their sibling is in jail for blowing up a bus full of fucking Nuns.

So it did’t take Shittney long to inform L that the Owner of the Bar where their playing (and captain of that night’s opposing team)   used to date, but not only that she also said she wanted to and I quote “Crush Him”. The first red fucking flag here was the fact that while Shittney and the Bar owner J did date for a while they broke up FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO, FATAL ATTRACTION MUCH THERE OR WHAT?!!

Granted Break Ups by definition suck and suck bad, but if your not over someone 4 years after splitting up, GET PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIATRIC HELP YOU HAVE SERIOUS PERSONAL ISSUES is all I’m saying.

Red Flag number 2 considering the time-lapse between J and Shittney’s dating period she is far more than likely to be one of those bullshit Voyeuristic Cyber Stalkers.

Their the one’s that slink around in the shadows cast by the Internet’s bastard spawn Social media lurking in silence. Periodically they surf around observing people from either their past like ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, High School Classmates or Co-workers from the past and the present for example just to “See whats new with them.”

Anyway back to the Story Shittney gets her wish as her Team Beats J’s Team for that Night’s Win. AND HERE IS WHERE IT GETS DRAMA QUEEN CRAZY.

The next day following the Competition (and in spite of the fact THEY WON) hopped on Social Media using some Face Book Bullshit as her platform, and then railed against my Brother’s Team

She didn’t just go after her ex boyfriend and Team Captain she singled out even single member of the Team in this bullshit tirade. The main accusation (which of course Shittney is portraying as a hard cold Fact) is that the entire Team are cheaters.

Yup their scumbag cheaters who try and cheat every chance they get, they don’t obey the rules, and rig game play (I’m still unsure of what that criteria is or means but I’m doing my best here so if you don’t like it well shit on you.) and as par of the shitty social media madhouse several Pinball Trolls jumped on the band wagon in agreement.

Now I ask you Ladies and Gentlemen,

WHO THE FUCK COMPLAINS,BITCHES, AND INSULTS THE OTHER TEAM WHEN THEY’RE THE FUCKING WINNERS?!!!

“YOU CHEATED!” Accusations stem predominately from Poor fucking Losers as an excuse for why they suck as bad as they do. Trust me they suck big and they suck hard (that didn’t come out quite like I meant it, but I’m leaving it as is.)

In the End J stepped down as Team Captain, My Brother’s Team lost 2 great guys as well as terrific players, J finally made a statement addressing the accusations a bit late in the game, and finally J and Shittney sat down and recorded a Podcast that addressed any and all current ongoing issues between the two teams.

To lighten the mood a bit I’m going to list the main types of the assorted Drama Queens we find ourselves surrounded by and having to deal with. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE SO DON’T BULLSHIT. Either a friend, Family Member, Co-Worker/Boss, Friend of a Friends, Wife/Husband, Someone’s kid(s), someone you dated, or some sort of run in with a Drama Queen

  1. The Terminator’s: They earn their name from the Arnold Schwarzenegger because like Arnold said so eloquently “I’ll Be Back” These are the Drama Queens that Stalkers are made of. They can’t let go, in fact their lives become dominated with the daydream that perhaps one day you two will be reunited in Love. These People are fucking DELUSIONAL.
  2.  The Shakespeare: These are women driven solely by Revenge. They are the “Wrath of Women Scorned” demographic. Everything shitty in the past relationship and since is YOUR FAULT and thus YOU SHALL PAY. These are the Dangerous fuckers due to the penchant for violence.

3. The Victim: These people have taken Victimization and transformed it into a fucking art form. Their lives would be wonderful if everyone they know or encounter wasn’t out to spite them, cheat them, abuse them, lie to them, fuck them over etc.  These are the ones that claim they can’t obtain Heaven being dragged down by so many other People’s Hells.

4. The Isolationist: These are the simplest forms or types of Drama Queens. The shun the usual shit show spectacle opting to Lock Themselves in a room classically a Bed or Bathroom is the preference of such people. They are the slow grind as dealing with them is like a fucking Police Hostage Negotiation where the Victim and the Perp are the same fucking person

5. The Banshee: The Loudest and likely most theatrical of all Drama Queens.  These people will EXPLODE in a TSUNAMI of Hysterical Crying, Wailing, Whining, and other types of non verbal guttural vocalizations. These People keep fucking Kleenex in business.

6. The Shunners: These people take a classic play out of the Amish Playbook. They believe silence makes Guilty People Uneasy so by utterly ignoring you they hope you’ll see where you fucked up and come running to apologize. I for one don’t give a damn if someone wants to act like I’m fucking dead so these people are of no concern to me.

7. The Dark One: These are the Gothic type of Drama Queen. These people will lay around in bed listening to the fucking Cure or some Emo bullshit while refusing to eat. They are the Doom and Gloom People whose worlds are dark and forbidding, a place where love goes to die and shitty poetry written.

8. The Martyr: These people honestly believe that they are the center of the fucking Universe, and without them everyone they knows life would fall the fuck apart, and everyone would meet a horrible fate. These are the classic “Get off the Cross someone needs the Wood” people.

Well Thats all I Have For Now.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober  

Texting In The Eye of The Shiticane

Once again I find myself having to Apologize. Repeatedly in Our continuing attempt to raise f-yourblog.com up to its full potential have suffered another self induced delay. Well what can We say other than We fucked up, BUT We are working diligently to defuckulate the situation.

As it were We had f-yourblog.com had the offer of a lifetime so passing on it wasn’t even considered and option. Thus We have been away somewhere across The Pond for the last 10 days being Spoiled like motherfuckers. I’ll leave it at that for now as it will be covered in a Piece to be posted in the immediate future.

As soon as I was Stateside I texted SpaceDog and preceded to have yet another of Our Legendary Texting Sessions, and This One Made The Cut.

So without further ado I give you TEXTING IN THE EYE OF THE SHITICANE:

SpaceDog: Oh Shit were u in Italy? I think that’s where u told me u were going at one point. Oh you missed it a 120 minute trump shitshow press conference. Highlights include him saying Democrats are gonna dig up dirt on george washington and that the world at the UN was laughing with him not at him (complete with nonsensical 10 minute explanation)

Les: Yeah We were in Tuscany. 120 minute trump conference…did Hell freeze over while I was gone?! Did hear trump got his fat orange ass laughed outnof the UN LMFAO!!! So officially the entire fucking world is mocking the shit out of trump while laughing right in his fucking face!!!

SpaceDog: Fuck u diane lane. I mean nice. Nah he was talking a lot of crazy all week cuz the UN came to NY.

Les: We should lock the White House down like a CDC Drill, pump it full of MDMA through the AC Vents and let the GOPieces of Shit rape the shit out of each other to death. Problem Solved.  MDMA or Flakka Smoke. MDMA is too good for those fuckers! BATH SALTS IT IS!! That way the scumfuckers can eat each others faces while violently raping each other’s orifices beyond Surgical Reconstruction. LMMFAO

SpaceDog: Yeah bath salts. Maybe flake for trump so he’s also disfigured as he’s getting eaten. OK I’ve taken matters into my own hands.

Les: Seriously who the fuck goes to Medical School and decides to be a fucking Proctologist or Urologist?! I mean its the actual shittiest/ pissiest job of fucking medical Professionals?!!

SpaceDog: I’ve been deleting games and quitting games from my phone and computer so far taking me 2 hours. Trying to give all my shit away so i have no desire to fucking play.

Les: Someone’s parents happy about that? Like do they go to cocktail parties and brag their asses off about their wonderful son The Rectologist Ass Doctor OR do they just leave the Ass Doctor part out and just refer to their kid as Doctor?! DAMN.

SpaceDog: IDK maybe someone that likes seeing a lot of dick, but idk its not like u are seeing good dick. I mean i guess u are comparing best case scenario for dick and all i guess.

Les: That’s dedication to the cause. 2 hours of deleting shit?! You sure you don’t work for the government? LOL!

SpaceDog: Like maybe one day u see someone 60 and say we;; I’m glad my balls may only sag a little bit and do not touch my knees. Yeah hillary had me delete some emails. It was mainly 90 minutes in one game mindlessly donating tokens.

Les: DICK WARS on FOX this Fall!

SpaceDog: Then finding  all the games in hidden places on my computer like a 14 year old with porn magazines or a guy trying to hide booze from the wife.

Les: So what finally made you want to get out of gaming? At 60 I’m tucking my testicles into my knee socks.

SpaceDog: Because I’ve been doing it 10-12 hours a day for 6 years.

Les: 90 minutes thats kinda hardcore.

SpaceDog: I keep going to all kinds of anonymous meetings and they tell me its not a problem even though I’ve told 3 different sponsors (recent) and 11 in total over the course of my life.

Les: LMFAO! BOOZE! PORN MAGS!

SpaceDog: Makes me think if dammer ever went to AA or NA they would say “Well as long as you are not drinking and reading the big book I really don’t see any issue with you eating a few boys every once in awhile.

Les: I apologize I haven’t smoked in 9-10 days and my Wife got CHinses Food so I’m all fucking over the fucking fuck

SpaceDog: No ganja in Tuscany? Haha i had Chinese today i think the greasy ass egg roll threw me into a rage.

Les: I looked into where you can get it and like America either you know a fucking guy or find a guy that knows a fucking guy. They said students and places with a younger demographic areas were where to look. That though is just painfully fucking obvious. Italy does sell legal “Marijuana Light” called so because of its fucking low ass THC level.

SpaceDog: The O’douls of Reefer

Les: Bullseye!

SpaceDog: I guess Amsterdam or Portugal would be better, actually even Canada is better.

Les: Its low as fuck all compared to the killer shit America is growing now a days and shit. People called it “fake weed” and complained about it giving them headaches and shit.

SpaceDog: I mean the cheapest legal place is Uruguay but I’d be scarred I’d get abducted there. Yeah if its from a machine its bound to be crap.

Les: Yeah I do love weed but not even I am going fucking anywhere near Africa, fucking everything in Africa fucking kills you. There was a store that was faker than fuck called CANNABIS that I looked into after hearing a ton of people shit talking it. Everything says Marijuana on it BUT ITS CBD ONLY, no THC whatsofuckingever. Its a classic fucking bait and switch false advertising scam.

SpaceDog: Uruguay is in South Africa but Africa yeah 1000 x’s over i don’t wanna go there. Maybe Casablanca if i can go back in time to when the movie was made or ancient Egypt but fuck current Africa. Oh whoopee do LOL! Thought i did almost buy gummies with CBD and melatonin but the dude wanted $30.

Les: Its all derived from the same fucking plant, but these cunters where misleading people by making them think they’d get a buzz, but it was just CBD your not getting Amsterdam Merch Here.

SpaceDog: Oh yeah so i may be quitting beer specifically because that entitled douchbag supreme said he really liked beer 15-20 x’s during his hearing. Maybe i will start the red wine. That’s the only booze i projectile vomit. That’s always fun.

Les: Kavanaugh is a complete CUNT, that fuck is getting raped by Hitler in Hell the fucking piece of living breathing fucking shit. CASTRATE KAVANAUGH! Cut his rotten cock off. AND NOW the rancid pecker fucker ruined BEER?!! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. Is there any fucking thing Trump and his GOPieces of Shit don’t fucking shit all over for fucking fucks sake. Waterboard that Supreme Court Cunt with Natty ICE till he’s fucking deader than dead the asshole deserves it. Well if you gotta vomit projectile is the best way to go I believe.

SpaceDog: All things projectile is better except when you jazz past your face and have no idea where the wad landed.

Les: Who the fuck green lit Murphy fucking Brown 2018?! How the fuck is Candice Bergeron not dead as fuck?!

SpaceDog: Out of all the reboots (including Fuller House) it is by far the worst.

Les: Thats why I where a face mask when I jerk off.

SpaceDog: I fell asleep 3 different nights trying to watch.

Les: Yeah but unlike typically rebooted shit their continuing it like it never went off the air or some fuckshit, I mean Candice looks like a blonde Liza Minelli. Botox Bombed out Blound. I guess 45 to 50 fucking facelifts at least, and she still is older than fuck, and not that mush better looking in spite of the gross amount of Plastic Surgery. No one remembers that fucking show so in the end who fucking cares?! LMMFBO!

SpaceDog: They should remake this horrible show. Watch “Dangerous Women TV Show Intro” on Youtube. I vaguely remember my parents watching it and it not being very funny. Not the women murphy brown not so funny.

Les: Yeah it was all political as shit. “The Series Return” that’s how fuck me Fox is billing this Bullshattery.

SpaceDog: Only one I’m honestly glad returned from the dead is Will and Grace since no one seems to be in much of a hurry to do it. Christ sometimes i think I’m gonna have to do it myself. Though that Australian show with the gay guy was good. The Stuff nightmares are made of. It’s like they sewed together the faces of all the dead Golden Girls to remake hers.

Les: I think bringing back Will and Grace would definitely be interesting shit. TV has become boring as shit. I’d especially like to see it comeback under your direction. That be entertaining.

SpaceDog: Its been back gonna be year 2 this year.

Les: What Australian Show was that?! I must have missed that one? Getting older is a shit reason for being absent minded. What Really?! Dear fucking Christ on a cocking where the fuck have I been? Oh wait living under a fucking rock apparently.

SpaceDog: Please Like Me…..i think it’s on HULU. The main guy is gay but thats mostly it besides the guys he dates. It was on the networks on some weird channel i never heard of that got axed.

Les: Cool I just scored my Brother’s HULU password so GAME FUCKING ON!

SpaceDog: Do u use IMDB? If i sign up for an account, do you know if i can get alerted to when actors/actresses have new projects coming out? Like how Spotify tells me about albums and concerts.

Les: Sounds like one of those shows ahead of its time and shit so at the time the general moronic public couldn’t understand it and it met an untimely demise.

SpaceDog: Yeah its pretty fucking dark sarcasm humor not all daisies and bullcrap.

Les: I’m not even sure I can recollect what the hell IMDB is, I’m the Technology Anti-Christ or some shit.

SpaceDog: Internet movie database

Les: Dark Sarcasm I’m in.

SpaceDog: I see one hot guy in one movie and i cyberstalk everything they’ve been in.

Les: I really wish I knew of this database much fucking sooner.

SpaceDog: And drunk tweet them and shame delete in the morning.

Les: LMFBO! Shame Delete!!

SpaceDog: I just assumed everyone knew. I’ve been on the internet since AOL.

Les: Think we have all but been there. I’m a Techtard. I’m always having to fucking catch the hell up LMTB!

SpaceDog: The biggest “celeb” that responded was the sprint/Verizon guy. Can u hear me now? Trump would say thats bigly sad.

Les: That be trump for you that fat orange fucktard, that baby dick having bitch boy, could he want to fuck his daughter any more?!! The fat filthy son of a bitch scumfucking scumfucked scumfucker scumfuck! ORANGE WANK MAGGOT! I can’t WAIT to shit on Trump’s fucking grave. I’m talking downing Exlax like Beer before hand and a German Industrial Institutional Grade Enema on Site.

+I sent SpaceDog one of those Personalized Emojis that fucking look like you. It’s one of the really fucking random shit that just appears from time to time. Its Me holding the 50 pound Shit Emoji thats as big as my Avatars fucking head. And not only does the Shit Emoji have the classic Smile and Wide Eyes but this one has a bright pink ribbon on top. My avatars head is slightly tilted with a slight smile that makes me look like a fucking sociopath.+

Les: WTF is this emoji for?! I had to wait a fuck long time for an opening anyfuckingwhere to use this absurd fucking thing.

SpaceDog: Idk 1) when i tell you that may fiber is working? 2) I just gave someone Benefiber recently maybe then? 3) can’t wait to shit on your face 40 text it to the Wife immediately before you give her a Dutch Oven.

Les: It looks like I came to your house, rang your fucking doorbell, and then presented you with a 50 pound pile of shit emoji like some fucking welcome to the neighborhood type shit cake or perhaps its a congratulatory “Its a Girl” new born baby gift?! Or just plain old pile of shit thats as big as my fucking head with a bow on the bitch to make it what a fucking present?! IT FUCKING DOESN’T ADD UP BABYCAKES! #3 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Second Place #4.

SPaceDog: Third place i shit so hard your toilet is clogged u need a plumber. They need a guy with his asscrack showing emoji.

Around this Time Gorged on Opulent amounts of Chinese Take Out, and High as a fucking Kite I fell the fuck asleep so sue me. And thus concludes this installment of Les and SpaceDog’s Textology.

 

By Les Sober & SpaceDog 

The Latest News From Nowhere Special

This post is a Hats Off Tribute to Our favorite Small Independent BiWeekly Publication “The Dullard’s Digest” out of  La Plant South Dakota with a Sparse Population of just 105.

The “The Dullard’s Digest” covers all things La Plant such as local happenings, community news, local government, Schools/Churches/Obituaries/Weddings, and all various local Odds and Ends such as The Yearly County Fair and the like.

Specifically for this post We decided to Showcase the Unusually Unique Advertisements found within the “The Dullard’s Digest” which are truly in a League of Their Own.

(If you make a reference to the movie Kill Yourself for High Crimes and Misdemeanors of And OR Being FUCKING LAME.)

So Let Us Begin With………

 

Pickler Pete’s Pickled Emporium

“Your Source For All Your Pickled Needs!”

Breakfast Bonanza Special:

1  Gallon of Edger’s Edibles Pickled Eggs,

1 Gallon Of Bryan Brine’s Pickled Sausages

And 1 Gallon of Vinegar Vally’s Pickled Pork Hocks

for The LOW, LOW PRICE OF $59.99

Introducing Pickled Pete’s BRAND NEW Luscious ALL VEGAN Line of Pickled  FRUITS AND VEGETABLES:

” A FINE BRINE VEGAN” AVAILABLE NOW!! Guaranteed to be Green as fuck.

BOGO SALE! Quart Jar of Pickled Top Self Tofu for Just $9.99 HOW DEVINE!

Pickled Products make Kids Happy, Hearty, and Healthy! Puts MAD HAIR on Your Chest AND Genitals! Excellent Prevention for ANY and ALL of Ass Caners (Domestic OR Imported!) Stops Dolphin Rape, and aids The Coalition   of Children Around The World Without Cocaine.

Try Our Pickler Pete’s Lovely Line of Pickled Goods for SENIORS! 4.25 Pound Jar of Pickled Prunes just $19.99 This Weekend ONLY!!

Clearance! Get 10 for $10 Get 10 lb. of Pickled Beets for $10!

 

The BarFly Bar and Lounge

Here’s Our Weekly Drink Special Run Down For This Week!

Mad Dog Mondays- Glass of Mad Dog 20/20 Fortified Wine for $1.50

MD 20/20 Flavors:  Dragon Fruit, Purple Rain, Tangerine Dream, Banana Red, Peaches & Cream, Blue Raspberry, Buck Bunny, Cranberry, Electric Melon, Key Lime Pie, Kiwi Lemon, Lemon Ice, Orange Jubilee, Red Grape, Spiked Melon, Sour Apple, and Strawberry Kiwi.

Tequila Me Tuesday: $3 2 for 1 Shots of Pepe Lopez, Montezuma, & El Toro

Wet Your Whistle’s BEER BELLY BAR (All Beer Bar) with Specials On

Pitcher of Bud Light and Clamato $2.50

Bucket of Natty Ice or Natty Light for $6.00 (# of Cans 12)

24 oz Beers for a Buck: This week featuring Schlitz, Rolling Rock, & Olympia

40 0z Thursday Specials: Get a 40. oz of  Colt .45, Old English 800, King Cobra, or  St.Ides  for $1.99!

FUBAR Fridays: MOON”Motherfucking”SHINE will put a smile on your face!

$12 Standard Mason Jars of:  Proof Positive (609 Proof)

White Lightning White Whisky (619 Proof)

Ilikea Opossum Paul’s Moonshine Vodka (732 Proof)

RumRunner’s Moonshine Rum (882 Proof)

AND

Jimmy Crackcorn’s Corn Rye Moonshine. (976 Proof)

ALL DAY EVERCLEAR SPECIAL Evercleaf Cocktail $3.75

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND……

SUPER SHOT Saturdays featuring Shot Specials!!!

.50 Cent Shots of Mr. Boston Blackberry Brandy, Canadian Club, Monarch Gin, and Old Grand-Dad

3 Finger for $3 Special on Oro Tequila, Gordon’s Gin or Southern Host

“God Save Me! “Sunday Hangover Breakfast is BACK AGAIN!

For all those idiots who drank their asses off the night before The Barfly offers a particular Breakfast known for its alleged Cure to the Hell of the Next Day’s Hangover, HAVE NO FEAR BARFLY SUNDAY BREAKFAST IS HERE!

This Week on the Menu- The Old Timer Special!

Consisted of:  12 oz Shank Steak, Spam Hash w/ Bacon, and 2 Slices of Pork Roll.

Served with a Side of Scrapple, a Pickler Pete’s 1,000 Year Old Pickled Egg

AND a 32 oz. PBR (Can) FOR ONLY $2.99!!!!

The Weisenheimer Theater and Movie Exchange:

Saturday Night Slaughterfest Featuring some of Your FAVORITE B-Horror Slasher Films!

This Weeks Triple Feature is:

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” From the Demented Director of Denmark Emil Mikkel

“Disembowel Me as I Giggle” from Redound Japanese Horror Fanatic Akasuki Hiromasa

AND

“Copulating With Corpses” The U.S. Version of “Necrophilia Nights” from The Infamously Dark and Disturbed mind of Lithuania’s Master of Sheer Terror Von Dire

SHOW STARTS PROMPTLY AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT. COME IF YOUR DARE, BUT YOU MAY NOT LIVE TO TELL THE TALE!

FOREIGN FILM FRIDAYS featuring the finest Foreign Films from Liechtenstein, Guam, Antartica, Mongolia, South Africa, Fiji, and Turkey JUST FOR STARTERS!!

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW AT MIDNIGHT EVER SUNDAY ALL YEAR!

AND REMEMBER Tuesday Night Troma is BACK AND BAD ASS!

 

All Troma Movies All Day Dawn to Dusk: Inquire about our Enema Express Pass Today and don’t miss a single moment of Troma’s Famous GORE! NUDITY! SEX JOKES! PUKE,PISS,and SHIT! All in the Name of Independent Cinema for OVER 42 YEARS and COUNTING! (Show Times: 1st Film Starts when the Theater Opens and Over after the Last one Plays before Closing!)

 Coming Next TUESDAY!!!

 COMING NEXT MONTH!

AND BE SURE NOT TO FORGET THE Weisenheimer’s WISEAU WEDNESDAY!

Every Wednesday This Year there will 6 showings (9am, 12 noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm and 12am) of the Notoriously Shitty Movie “The Room” by The Mysterious Tommy Wiseau.

“The Room” has been called by many The Worst Movie EVER MADE!

“The Room” had Movie Theaters posting “NO REFUNDS FOR THIS MOVIE” posters!

“The Room” One Critic’s Review Read “Watching This Movie is like Stabbing Yourself in the Brain REPEATEDLY!”

COME ONE, COME ALL Join us in the Rising Cult Following of Wiseau and “The Room”

Those were the ones we selected. Perhaps one day We will do this again, but Dunno.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Textpocalypse

More middle of the night synaptic storms rolling through the maze like minds of SpaceDog and Myself. Here is the abominable textversation that took place while the rest of the World Slept.

Enjoy.

(If you Read Further You May Have to EAT your own ASS to Survive.)

SpcaeDog: I wanted to ask you about sports bets but im clearly not being too persistent since you dont like sports

Les: Hey let me hit you up in a few. At post office trying to get my passassport updated and shit. Taking waaaaay too long in my opinion. I find Sports betting very interesting.

SpaceDog: Look at u ihop hooker I will be ur bookie lmfao

+SpaceDog texts me a picture on images.google of a Tennis Player who ass he is a fan of, and was wondering if I or my Wife had 2 cents to add. I said if I had an ass like that I’d be better at soccer. My Wife is not an “Ass Person” we were informed.+

+I sent back a Screen Shot I took of Twitter’s fucking Template Warning that my account had been locked, and because I “exhibited unusual behavior that violates Twitter Rules……”+

+I then sent a picture of Alex “Asshole” Jones because while all other social media platforms (i.e. FaceBook, Apple etc) banned Alex and his bullshit Infowhores Show (for promoting hate, encouraging violence, promoting fake news, spreading conspiracies like Sandy Hook was a Hoax and the Kids weren’t victim’s they were paid child actors) Twitter refused at that point to Ban Jones.

Ironically since then Twitter has banned Jones from Twitter and Periscope which it owns, ONLY AFTER ALEX HARASSED THE HOLY LOVING SHIT out of  Twitter’s CEO Jack Dorsey outside of the Senate Hearing  proceedings screaming shit like the mental patient he is about whatever bullshit was on his deranged mind.+

Fuck Alex “The Asshole Jerk Off” Jones, BACK TO THE MAFUCKIN TWEETS!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you! My My My! by Troyne Sivian. (SD then texted a Spotify Link to the song) Mac Miller died omg

Les: So did Burt Reynolds any relation to Ryan?! Who’s Mac Miller? Charging Landline, cell is cutting in and out like a bitch.

SpaceDog: Mac Miller omg lol there was gonna be a link but yolo lol

Les: I have all of his albums downloaded on my Spotify Account. 26.

SpaceDog: Yo i need to ask u who just drove me around here lol

Les: Yo Shorty yo knows who dat

SpaceDog: U knows my piece

Les: I been break dancing old school 80’s as a tribute to Mac Miller

SpaceDog: U know it might not be that bad. you were the best i ever had

Les: The Wallflowers yeah?

SpaceDog: Lmfao good man

Les: JACOB “SPERM OF BOB” DILLIAN (Dylan?) Whatever.

SPaceDog: Sperm of the last rock n roll mouth that had a good cock come out. Call job away.

+SpaceDog then texts me a picture of Frosty The Snowman sitting on a couch watching porn, and jerking off. It said “Dreaming of a White Christmas”+

+I then texted SpaceDog This: +

SpaceDog: Sry I hit wrong hate.

+I responded by sending SpaceDog a GIF of an Old Pissed Off Cartoon Man, Naked, Partially Flying-Partially Humping his way through Space with a Pop Tart covering his Junk and a Rainbow Shooting Continuously Shooting out of his ass.+

(NOTE TO READER: Earlier on in the evening during a phone call with SpaceDog I had mentioned some weird shit about when I turn 80 I’m going to automatically Gay.)

Les: Me at 80 and Gay as FUCK.

SpaceDog: Lol holy shit shit

Les: I had to buy this shit called Itchibon Ball Baum cuz I was shitting in the Woods, and my Ball Bag rubbed up against some poison Oak. Greeeeaaaaseeeeyyyy.

SpaceDog: Xid rt y. Urdy. Dirty Birdy lol.  Id love to write an f-yourblog about racial bullshit but idc because he white and been dead to me for 10 yeses.

Les: So fucking what about it? I’m confused as fuck currently. When I was shitting in the Woods a Group of Ticks crawled up my Ass Crack and started feeding by locking onto my Asshole. I had to floss my ass with a Pet Anti-Flea and Tick Collar.

SpaceDog: Ihj my my my

Less: Like a fucking Pesticide G String or some fucked up shit like that!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you…My My My! by Troye Sivan (SpaceDog texts me the Spotify link again)

Les: Got Chemical Burns on my goddamn butthole.

SpaceDog: Whyis tour. Utthile top 10 (SpaceDOg then texts a screen shot from Spotify’s screen for Sivan’s My My My)

Les: Sexy Shit. Gave me a boner, I’m gay now.

SpaceDog: oh babe sned me a forever stiff latex cocks its what us lesbos have. Lol huh?

Les: So Good, FO SHO FO SHO

SpaceDog: Oh have the gay i will have the cock

Les: FUCKING SPORTS! GO GAMECOCKS or just GO COCKS!

SpaceDog: The only games you Sout Cacalacy  know are the ones your cock play with ur anus. Go Auburn. ok danny boy haha

Les: Why are Chaos Magicians Such Assholes? Goddamn Google has an entry that fucking literally says that shit. WTF now Internet WTF NOW?!

+I then texted SpaceDog a Picture of a close up of some Woman lifting her skirt with a smiling Justin Beiber face covering her Vagina that reads “Justin Beaver+

SpaceDog: The only woman that hate u sing so lets swim into the show of ivy and let our rel3vquce ring.

Les: Justin Bieber bangs Bovines dirty Cow Fucker

SpaceDog: Thats it my boy thats it my friend we sing this song to ivy she falls to her end.

Les: S-A-V-A-G-E …Ivy what?!

SpaceDog: I tried to call with these words to see if your ivied face had been preserved but you werent my lover not my friend she’d killed you lil your dead heart bled.

Les: Rad

SpaceDog:Oh the south she bleeds icy gets at her kneeeeeees

Les: LmMfao!

SpaceDog: Song just crazy. Raised by far and praise by 5A breeze by 5555555 a brace by for a for Raid 5 hey Girl. Sorry our butter and our jam is getting confused i just my putang tout u in the rouse.

Hey u want a q better choice. Bye. I hope u like your life lol wherever he stands our truth is ib my text. Mohammed my friend my bot and jbow jt eas a girl…vack in Bethlehem bye love.

Les: I’m so using this shit as a blog post coming up soon for fucking sure. Abortions all Around. Muhammad is a Bot LMFBO! CLASSIC!

SpaceDog: Its a sham

Les: Sham Wow?

SpaceDog: Shaw wow cocaine teenage dream. Brooklynn bo ram Botox baby boom boomer. No seems….

#This is the point in the textversation where I think its safe to assume our Dear Friend and My Partner in Crime more than likely passed out.

My brain was still on fire so I just continued on.

Les:Sham Wow Hookers AND Cocaine Baby! The Ball Baum came in contact with the Chemical Burns on my butthole ant it spontaneously Combusted, and now I have 3rd degree burns on my asshole.

Ancient Chinese Proverb: Man who sleeps with itchy ass wakes up with stinky finger.

A round of Finger Fucking for All. Can you fuck a Prolapsed asshole because that shit should be a fucking porn fetish/YouPorn Category. WTF is up with this Docking shit anyways?!

I was wiping my ass and my finger broke through the toilet paper and the tip of my finger grazed my asshole, does that make me gay?!

If your gay and horny and there only women around why not just fuck one in the ass?!

Is Necro Cannibalism better or worse than Necrophilia?! For NEcrophiliacs are Zombies a Deal Breaker?! Just when it comes to NEcrophiliacs the Deader the Better right. Zombie Babies don’t want to suckle your teat they want to EAT IT.

Giving Birth is like the fucking movie “Aliens” a small, bloody, slime covered living creature tears out of your genitals screaming like a son of a bitch. But worse because of the whole genitals over stomach shit.

If I’m Self Employed can I sue myself for Sexual Harassment?! What if you got a restraining order against yourself, I mean how would that shit work exactly I ask you?!

AT this point I was running on intoxicated fumes and quite texting in favor of Smoking Weed and then Sleep.

Brought to You By,

Les Sober & SpaceDog 

Some Dicks Should Go By Richard

The name game can be totally insane as real life triumphs over fiction. So what I have done is compiled 72 different ACTUAL REAL LIFE PEOPLE WHO GO BY DICK who due to their last name should REALLY reconsider going by their full name. And if you feel compelled to use a nickname all I’m saying is sometimes its far better being a Rich than being a Dick.

And without further ado here the names.

Dick Gore – Dick Mann – Dick Pickler – Dick Stroker – Dick Butts

Dick Pound – Dick Trickle – Major Dick Head – Dick Kock- Dick Shiner

Dick Monster – Dick L. Ong – Dick Swett – Dick Paradise – Dick Felt

Dick Assman – Dick Hurtz – Dick Smalley – Dick Payne – Dick Champion

Dick Mountjoy – Dick Funk – Dr. Dick Chopp – Dick Pole – Dick Armey

Dick Passwater – Dick Coffee – Dick Burger – Dick Blood – Dick Colon

Dick Gamble – Dick Hart – Dick Tips – Dick Long – Dick Weiner- Dick Tips

Dick Raper – Dick Tiny – Dick Blight – Dick Cockburn – Dick Thrasher

Dick Likeness – Dick Hunter – Dick Bonar- Dick Graber – Dick Buttram

Dick Willie – Dick Dover – Dick Kuntz – Dick Sharts – Dick Worthy

Dick Shocker – Dick Dickey – Dick Rich – Dick Butkus – Dick Baals

Dick Babcock – Dick Guzlar – Dick Lipschidts –  Dick Boehner – Dick Harden

Dick Dickie – Dick Johnson – Dick Cox – Dick Dumas – Dick Cummings

Dick Love – Dick Held – Dick Fister – Dick Krapps – Dick Swallows

Dick Moorehead, AND THE BEST OF THE WORST…Dick Dong Wang!

So When It Comes To Last Names Sometimes It PaysNot To Be A Dick.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Who Said Fucking W/ People Isn’t a Hobby?!

I  (Les Sober) was texting with SpaceDog today and scrounged up an old Textversation  he had one night when he was a bit drunk, board, and rather creative. So SpaceDog decided to fuck with a complete Stranger via Text to entertain himself.

SpaceDog has sent me a copy of said Textversation and……

Now Ladies and Gentlemen For your Entertainment I Give You That Very Textversation!!!

Stranger: who is this? why are you calling me at 2:30 in the morning?

SPACEDOG: I was calling in for a refill. I didn’t know you offered text messaging. I need a refill on the compact Cath. Can I get them in the 90 pack please?  They run out a lot quicker than I thought.

Stranger: no i am not Gina. i suggest you stop texting me i ask you nicely now  i am not your Viagra store, your cath company or senior center

SPACEDOG: My last Catheter broke and it was an bit of an emergency This is the number Gina gave me down at the senior center. She also told me you can help with my Viagra too. Damn stiffy aint working too good.How soon can you have this stuff sent out to me? I have a po box at zip code 18103, Po box #4827

Stranger: can’t you read i said i am not who you are looking for. what does that even mean? I have no idea who you are or what you want? how do you know me?

SPACEDOG: Be a nice boy they are the things that go on my cobra so i can tinkle in my bed and when i go to the Sands I can go right at the black jack table. How much is the refill on my Viagra? Only need 5 of those my lady friend is coming up from texas.

Stranger: well the clearly you can’t read your own writing sounds like you need to dial 1 800 Gambling problem

SPACEDOG: I got a problem with my old pecker 🙁 i only gamble with the money my daughter Bridget gives me. I’m not so sure what my writing has to do with this. Is that you Gina?

Stranger: are you drunk?

SPACEDOG: Only drunk on the lust i have for life. Is there a shipping fee?  The last caths cost me 9.95 for shipping but they gave me a discount for my hip. It’s not real. Shhhhh don’t you be telling my lady friend.

Stranger: is this Jimmy! how you get my number

SPACEDOG: I told you Gina down at the center gave me your number. Gina Gershon. Said you can help with what ails me but i had no idea you are ailing . How was I to know? Im just a lonely old man who needs his Caths. Only thing that’s wrong with me is my teeth fall out sometimes when i get all giddy.

Stranger: well as i told you you have the wrong # i don’t know any of those people.

SPACEDOG: (555)321-7654 Sometimes she goes by the name molly. Well one time she told me her drifter name was peggy. What a wild one that Gina. How much is the shipping costs and how do i pay you? My granddaughter has me on paypal and i got my check book here. Do I need insurance? My name is Tyler Durden policy #627HG269ZBT889NJLA990555FL0101001

Stranger: I am sorry you have the wrong #! this is a personal # and i am starting to get frustrated with this conversation. its rude you text me at 2:30 in the morning.

SPACEDOG: But my last Catheter broke and it was an bit of an emergency This is the number Gina gave me down at the senior center. Listen here sonny you shouldn’t have your ringer on if it’s that late and you aren’t doing refills.

Stranger: is this Jimmy from NY?

SPACEDOG: This is Tyler from foglsville

Stranger: i don’t know a Tyler?

SPACEDOG: Who is this Jimmy you speak of? Is that your barracuda? I haven’t been to NY in so long. My lady friend and i used to see all them shows, had ourselves a fine gay old time.

Stranger: alright i am having rough day right now either tell me how you got this number or know me or fuck off. i just lost someone very close to me and i have been trying to be nice but i am not in the mood for your games

SPACEDOG: Well Gina told me this is the spot. We are getting off track, i need 90 Caths, 5 boner pills and gina told me you got the tina too. Said its gonna pep up step whatever that means. I’m 87 not much pep to step.

Stranger: What are you talking about. i just had a death in my family. What is wrong with you?

SPACEDOG: Since you don’t seem to be doing much about helping me get my new Caths perhaps I can get a discount on the ones the old dead guys doesn’t need anymore. Do you offer a discount for recycling deceased patients medical devices and if so how much of a discount? 50% off sounds like a good deal to me.

Its finally at this point the Stranger realizes that they don’t have to respond just because their being texted in the first place. And only by responding would the Stranger reengage SpaceDog’s Senile Old Man’s Ranting.

See to me thats the funniest fucking thing about this situation that the Stranger doesn’t want to deal with the bullshit, BUT keeps perpetuating the very conversation they don’t want to be in in the first place. Its like trying to put a Fire out by pissing Gasoline on it.

As for our Dear Old Friend SpaceDog is concerned he has hinted that there just might be a sequel coming in the some what near future.

We will have to wait and see.

By to you by SPaceDog 

Don’t Tell Me My Dick is Crooked When It’s Perfectly Straight

I did my least favorite thing in the world yesterday. I went to a new doctor. In the past when I have gone to new doctors, I have always looked at them as these great big ancient buildings like the Colisseum or the Great Sphinx, marvelous and magnificent but crumbling and old.

Well getting older sucks because all my youthful indiscretions about doctors being these relics of the past are becoming fantasy. I had a doctor who actually listened to me and asked questions. One that actually typed fast and knew how to work a computer. She even used a smartphone. I know I should expect this out of people in the world we are in today especially from someone younger than me but I sort of live in my own universe.

I never see anyone out in public paying with their phone. When I use my phone to pay with pretty much anything people look at me in awe or say they do not accept that as payment. Honey, the cash register don’t lie. Look I payed with my phone. I am some kind of Houdini. Not really. I just have loved tech from the day I first even knew such a thing existed.

 

Anyway back to this doctor. The reason I do not see a whole hell of a lot of doctors is because for every one doctor I see am always told to go see about 10 other specialists. Well it is more like about 4 I mean it is only about that many body parts or areas of mine that do not work and mainly that is because I am a fat lazy fuck.

It was just highly amusing being told all this, because being told all this was basically the reason I stopped seeing my last set of doctors. You seemingly have no idea what is wrong with me and then tell me to see about 5 other doctors. Listen… I know I am fucked in the head, have no semblance of time, space and reality… or sentence structures…

or paragraphs.

I know my teeth suck, my eye twitches somewhat, I walk like a Hunchback, I say inappropriate things, have a slightly abnormal heart, and smoke like the Marlboro man. I came for you about my stomach. I mean if you wanted to destroy my prostate I would understand but don’t tell me to stop pissing in the sink when I came to you about the leak in my roof…

Anyway people in general need to stop pretending they can offer you the world or give two shits about every aspect of your being when all they care about is a diagnostic code, a pharmacy refill, and their direct deposit.

Who knows if I go back….the anxiety kills. The pain is still real. I thought about getting high on god knows what for the first time in about 10 years because well you know doctors want to know every drug you ever tried as a teenager. Well goddamn it how about all of them. I was a curious little fucker.

The only reason I am not curious about random drugs now is they haven’t made any good new ones in the past 20 years. Maybe longer. That’s for another hour. Another post. Also well they do have these things called teenagers now too. They are good for new music, friending on social media and looking at the 18/19 famous pretty ones. Never make contact with one in person however as they may and will ask for cigarettes, alcohol purchases, or if they are trying to fuck one of your friends they tend to come down with a massive case of can’t shut the fuckupitis.

Done. For now. No idea…. brain malfunction….

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