Tag: alternative humor

We Bought a Clown Off The Dark Web (A Luxury Dark Double Feature)

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring a WE BOUGHT A CLOWN OFF THE DARK WEB! and WE BOUGHT ANOTHER CLOWN OFF THE DARK WEB by the Content Creating Duo Channel Luxury Dark Inc. that are Oddly Entertaining in Our Opinion. Now Luxury Dark’s Formula is Pretty fucking Simplistic Two Teen Friends Chester and Parker who live Together Buy all kinds of Weird fucking shit Off the Dark Web. In this Installment Chester and Parker are Back in the Basement Surfing the Dark Web for Shits and Giggles. As these Video Go the Chester has Stumbled across Some Strange Dark Web Site in this case Buy-A-Clown Site, and as Always Parker is Vocally Against It. Though We all know by Now that No Matter how much Parker Protests Chester will get His Way.

Now as for the “Psycho Killer Clown” Genre of Horror You have everything from the Cheesy Killer Clowns From Outer Space to the Psychological Horror of Stephen King’s Killer Clown Classic IT to the Over the Top Bloody Gore of Art The Clown in the TERRIFIER Movies. As Far as Today’s 2 Videos are concerned the “Killer” Dark Web Clowns actually aren’t Too Shabby all things Considered. What I mean is these are a Couple of Short and Absurd YouTube Videos by a Couple of Teenage YouTubers (as Opposed to a Full Blown Feature Film Production). The Clowns definitely Keep it on the Creepier Side of Things, YET They manage, Barely at Times mind You, to Avoid Doing a Shitty Pennywise Impersonation. What is a Definite Plus is the Dark Web Clowns Dialogue is Kept to a Strict Minimum which Helps. The Last thing anyone wants to fucking watch is an Actors Slipping into a Cliche Evil Clown Impersonation which let’s Face It is Lame as fuck.

It is What it Is,

 Presented By Les Sober

Creeptopia’s Most Wanted: “BUG-Eyed Bill”

Welcome To Today’s FYB Post Featuring CREEPTOPIA’S MOST WANTED: “BUG-EYED BILL” By Artist, Musician,  2D/3D Animator, and Creator of the Creeptoons Series Matt Duncan. “BUG-EYED BILL” is a Spoof (for Those Old Enough to Remember) on the Widely Popular True Crime Television Show “AMERICA’S MOST WANTED” Hosted By John Waters, and Dedicated to bringing Criminals At Large to Justice.

Creeptoons take place in the Fictional Land of Creeptopia and are Disgusting Yet Lovable Monsters, Mutants, or Freaks that Live in the Clogged Arteries of The Mind come to Life. The Grim Creeptoon Characters are a Demented Blend of  Both The Adorable and  The Macabre.

PLOT: Traumatized as a Young Boy by the Slaughter of His Pet Pig  named Belinda “Bug-Eyed Bill” later in Life becomes Infatuated with the Daughter of a New Neighbor who Shares the same Name as His Beloved Dead Pet Pig………

Thanks For Watching,

  Presented by Les Sober  

If You Fuck Up AT Least Be A Man About It.

I mentioned in a Recent Post that We had a New Septic Tank Installed, and Why the Installation went just Fine Everything Else wasn’t. I’m going to be a bit unorthodox here and Tell You the Moral to the Story Up Front. The Moral of this Story is: NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF.

You see I have a Contractor Who is Absolutely fucking Awesome and I Trust (which for Me is Saying a Shit Load) so I asked Him for a Referral. He gladly gave Me the Contact Info for the “Only I Guy I Trust for these Things…” as He put it and All was Well. Now right Before I called My contractor’s Guy a Family Friends it turned out had just had a New Septic Tank Installed too. This Family Friend went on and on and fucking on about how goddamn great the Experience was like it was the Second coming of Christ Himself. So after consulting some key Family Members Opted to Use Her Guy since He was apparently fucking Fantastic.

I got in Touch with the Family Friend’s Guy and everything at that point was in fact fine. The Guy Who’s name is, and I swear I’m not bullshitting is Tripp (Yes with to P’s because that makes it Classier or whatever). He showed up on Time and  Left before the Job was Done saying Everything was alright and He was off to another fucking Service Call. Again He reassured Me the 2 man work crew He left Behind had everything on lock, BUT it was in the Last 30 Minutes of the Job that shit went South.

           

I was on the Internet No surprise there when all of a sudden in the preverbal Blink of an Eye My Service Went completely Dead nothing Internet related wasn’t working.I immediately knew what the fuck happened the Work Men had Hit Our Internet Hook up, and I ran the fuck outside to inquire. The first Work Idiot ignored Me when I tried to get His Attention until I got Loud and He couldn’t pretend not to hear me. I demanded to know if one of them had accidentally banged into My Shit because all of a sudden coincidentally Dead in the fucking Water as it were.

The Work Idiot I addressed Never actually said a single fucking word obviously not wanting to answer the Question like a guilty fucking child. What I mean by that is He acted like a Child who damaged something, put it back, and hoped no one would notice only to inevitably end up being Caught. So while Work Nitwit number one was Playing Dumb for all it was fucking worth they other Work Stooge asked Me if I had tried resetting the Wifi. I suppose the  Question was meant to distract Me but what the fuckwit hadn’t considered was I anticipated such stupidity and already had preformed all the Standard Tricks and Trouble Shooting to No Avail.

I informed the Backhoe Driving Fuck Stick I had and it Obviously was due to the Fact that they accidentally damaged My outside Internet hook up and Shit. I then proceeded to jump onto My phone to keep from going Completely Insane on the Two dumbfucks milling around in My front Yard. I am well aware I have fucking anger management issue and I try not to be a utter fucking Asshole,, BUT I have no fucking problem being a Really Nasty Fuck if need Be. As I do my damndest to not go Batshit Crazy on these Two fucking Fools They shuffle around for a few Minutes, and then up and Left without saying jack diddly shit. Of course that Pissed Me off more, BUT I figured why pick a fight with 2 piece of shit Pions its the Boss I wanted to talk to.

           

I then spent 2 fucking Hours on the goddamn phone with My Internet Provider check EVERY FUCKING SINGLE THING until the First Customer Service Tech had to transfer Me to an Advanced Technician. I did another round of Diagnostic tests and Shit, but the Advanced Guy couldn’t fix anything though He really was trying like a motherfucker to Help God Bless Him. I told Him a Work Crew fucked up the Exterior Transmitter, and I wanted to do all this torturously mind bending bullshit to Prove it in case it was disputed by Tripp. The Next Day a Technician came out and INSTANTLY verified I was Correct that the Transmitter Deal had been smacked way out of whack. The Tech did what He had to and fixed the Problem in timely and Professional Manner. Luckily We have a Maintenance Plan so We avoided the $125 Service Call Charge so at least that was fucking cool.

By the time I calmed down it was the Next Day and first thing I did that Morning was call Tripp who Didn’t pick Up. I waited several hors and tried calling again and again Tripp didn’t answer. Finally I gave up trying to get Tripp’s useless ass on the fucking phone, and left a voicemail. The voicemail was civil as Hell I didn’t yell, Scream, curse, Insult or Threaten Tripp in anyway which is My Modus Operandi. I was told to give Tripp the benefit of the doubt because He could very well just be Busy and that I should give it one more Day. Against My best Judgment I agreed to Hang Back for a little while Longer.

           

Needless to say come the following Day the same shit happens I call and Tripp (who I now assume is ducking My phone calls) doesn’t answer His fucking Phone like a Real fucking Unprofessional and Immature fucking Asshole. By 4:30 as Popeye would Say “I’ve had all I can Stands and I can Stands NO MORE!” and this Time around I left a Second Message. This time I let Tripp know exactly how the fuck I felt. I first informed Tripp that through all of His Childish, Immature, and Unprofessional handling of the Entire fucking Situation that I wasn’t even making it about Money. I never once mentioned the fact that it would Cost Me fucking Money to fix His work Clowns fuck up. It had always been about how the Situation was handled that chapped my ass like nothing else. Thats not to fucking much to fucking ask is it?!  I Hire and pay some Asshole to do a fucking Job They should be Professional since it’s Their fucking Job.

I went on to say I didn’t see how it was fucking possible to Own your own fucking Company and act like such an Immature Asshole when accidents Happen. I said I’m well fucking aware that Shit Happens as do Accidents and if He had just admitted to the mistake, Owned up to It, and Apologized that would have been the fucking end of it. I summed up with reminding Him what a fucking Spineless Coward He had acted like, and that I obviously won’t be recommending Him to fucking anyone Myself. On top of that I also informed Tripp that I would be writing a Negative Review Anywhere and Everywhere I could on Line and on Social Media.

And with That that was That.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

FYB’s Saturday Sing-A-Long Cinema Presents: CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL

FYB is Elated to Present the 1993 Musical Black Comedy Cult Classic CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL  By None Other Than South Park Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Long Before Success on Comedy Central with South Park there was only Cannibal! The Musical!!!

           

Cannibal! The Musical is the True (Historical) Story of Alfred Packer the Only Person CONVICTED OF CANNIBALISM in America.

Set in 1873, Cannibal! The Musical Focuses on Alfred Packer who has been Accused of CANNIBALIZING Members of His Own Traveling Party headed to the Colorado Territory.  Packer tells His side of the DESPERATE, GRUESOME, and BLOODY Tale of Survival To News Reporter Polly Prye as He awaits His EXECUTION being Convicted MURDER AND CANNIBALISM!!!

Packer’s Story is as Follows while searching for Gold and Love in the Colorado Territory, He and His Companions Lost Their Way and were Forced to Resort to UNTHINKABLE HORRORS to Stay Alive Stranded in the Desolate Dead of Winter. Was Packer telling the Truth or Was he The COLD BLOODED CANNIBAL KILLER that Many Believed Him to Be???

Cannibal! The Musical Equates to the Classic American Musical OKLAHOMA on Bath Salts Colliding Head On with The Gory Cult Splatter Classic BLOODSUCKING FREAKS! The Carnage and Insanity Abound in Cannibal! The Musical as Japanese People pretend to be Native American Indians, A Cyclops’s Eye Spurts Puss, and Alfred Packard has a FULL BLOWN KUNG-FU FIGHT with a Fur Trapper by the Name of Frenchy. Enjoy.

We hope You enjoyed this Musical Tale of Murder and Mayhem as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 50/365)

“Well I do’t know about You, but I haven’t Eaten shit all goddamn day so I’d kill someone for a fucking Burger about now.” said Lee hoping the mention of Food would keep Dizzy’s Eyes on the Prize as it were.

Dizzy Who looked poised to Pounce on the Poor Misguided Ride Driver, and Gauge out the Driver’s Eye’s with His fucking thumbs. Then Dizzy sudden snapped back to Reality and darted into the Hotel Lobby like a Jack Rabbit with Its ass on Fire. Not a moment later Lee and the Driver who were left standing outside on the Sidewalk like a Bunch of assholes heard a commotion.  It was loud enough for both of Them to hear, but it was still too distorted to make out what was being said. Whatever the Altercation was going on inside it was getting desernably Louder to the point Lee was beginning to wonder if He should see what was going on out of growing Concern.

           

Luckily before Lee had to take any sort of Action Dizzy reemerged carrying a Generic Toy Store Skateboard under His Arm and looking a bit Sweaty. Dizzy walked past Lee without saying a single word as He made His way to the back of the Smart Car. Once Dizzy reached the rear of the Car He stood there Transfixed in a Steely Stare glaring At the Rear Bumper. Dizzy appeared to be stuck in-between Deep Though and Overwhelming Anger as His face twisted and contorted while He was thinking silently to Himself.

“What are You doing Sir.” asked the Driver with a snide smile stretched across His face like Someone Who had One too Many fucking Facelifts.

“The fucking Bumper. I’m looking at the bumper OBVIOUSLY. The problem is this Outlandish excuse for a Car has a MINUSCULE fucking Bumper which I guess should be No fucking Surprise considering its Size is the Issue.” snarled Dizzy spitefully not even bothering to glance in the Driver’s Direct.

            

“What is the Skateboard for Exactly?” ask the Driver like a Cat playing with a Mouse before it Kills it.

“I was planning on fucking Riding the fucking thing while I hung on to the Bumper which apparently doesn’t fucking Exist.” replied Dizzy still half lost in Thought.

“I have to Inform You Both that Ride has a Strict No Bullshit Policy, and riding behind the Car on a Skateboard falls smack dab in the Middle of said Policy. That means I simply can not allow You or any Customer to engage in Illegal and Potentially Harmful or Fatal Activities that put Them, The Company, and Others in Harms Way.” chirped The Driver Triumphantly Grinning Ear to Ear as if He had somehow achieved a Checkmate situation.

           

“Well The Car is Far Beyond Insufficient it’s Thoroughly FUCKED! The Bumper is Fucked, This Situation is DEFINITELY fucked, and Most of All YOUR a Totally Fucked Human Being!!! So I’m declaring a Citizens Enactment of The Transportation Department Marshal Law Act motherfucker! This Empowers Me to set up Unconventional Answers to Unorthodox Issues, and with that said I’ll just hang the hell onto this Piece of Electric Uselessness’s rear Windshield Wiper. That’ll have to Work.” announced Dizzy defiantly with a Renewed Sense of Vigor.

“Absolutely Not didn’t You hear what I just Said regarding Company Policy?!!” demanded the Driver as He twitched with annoyance like a freshly crushed Insect.

“Yes I’m Not DEAF YOU ASSFACED DONKEY!! I have No Choice in the Matter and Neither DO YOU Dipshit. It is what it is so fuck it. Now let’s get fucking Going already We’ve wasted 45 fucking minutes of My Life already You belligerent Asshole.” answered Dizzy standing Toe to Toe Eye and Eye to Eye with the Driver though the Driver was significantly Smaller when it came to Physical Stature so Dizzy had a sort of Loomed over Him.

            

“Fine! Fine! You win I can’t stand here idly arguing with You any longer so let’s Go.” quipped the Driver exacerbated to the Umpteenth degree, and well aware that He would Most Definitely Lose in an any sort of Fight Scenario.

The Driver and Lee loaded Up into the Extremely cramped Confines of the Smart Car while Dizzy stood Stubbornly on the Cheap Children’s Skateboard  grabbing onto the Rear Windshield Wiper like He was attempting to Strangle it to Death. Lee paused for a split second to thats fucking God that HE wasn’t Claustrophobic because He was pretty sure if He did He’d be back behind the Car with Dizzy for Crying Out Loud. The Car started with a Low and rather Pleasant Low Hum and They were Off.

            

Stay Tuned for the Next Invigorating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (51/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (46/365)

“Options, Options, Options are Good to Have, So Let’s see here What are Our Options?” mused Dizzy Aloud as He began to Pace the length of the Room slowly clearing a Small Path through the Empty Cigarette Packs, Beer Cans, Long Smoked Dimebags, and the Other various Refuse that Littered the Floor.

“We could Call My Buddy Hall Ucinogen and pick up a Couple Tabs of Acid, and We could go to the New Aquarium. Then We could drop the Acid and Trip Balls for 8 hours fucking with the Fish.” Lee suggested causally in a very off the Cuff manner.

“That be fine if We were in fucking High School, come on Man that shit is so Played the fuck out. What’s Your next suggestion We smoke some Weed and go to the fucking Planetarium to catch a Later Light Show?!” responded Dizzy with a Great Deal of Disgust.

        

Lee sat back on the Couch to collect Himself since Dizzy’s attitude was currently Shit. Lee focused on a Massive Spider Web that encompassed an entire Corner of the Room. Lee thought what an amazing feet for such a small insect then it occurred to Him that He hadn’t actually seen the Spider, and considering the size of the Web it could be a Formidable Sized Spider. Lee started to psych Himself out as His eyes darted frantically around the Room searching for a Glimpse of the Illusive Arachnid.

“Hey We could Drive around and Pick Up Road Kill and Drop it on the Front Door of People We fucking Don’t Like Very Well.” said Dizzy with an enthusiastic tone in His Voice that communicated His excitement at this Option.

“First off We Don’t have a fucking Car so We’d have to call those Tech Nerd Ride People for a Lift. Now I have never used Their service before, BUT I can pretty much fucking Guarantee Our Driver wouldn’t dig the Idea of Us loading up His Trunk with Rotting Roadkill Carcasses. So I Don’t think that idea would fucking Pan Out.” said Lee crankily still a bit taken back by Dizzy’s response to His initial Idea.

“Ok How about We score a Case of Beer, Go down to the City Dump, Get Drunk, and Shoot Rats?” countered Dizzy taking a moment to sift through the Trash on the Floor with His foot.

“You have a Gun?” Lee asked though He didn’t find the Fact Dizzy Owning a Gun that Surprising to tell the Truth.

“Relax Scarface its just My Grandfather’s Old .22 Rifle that He used to Hunt O’possum and Armadillo for Food. He was one of those Gnarled Old Appalachian Mountain Men You Know,” answered Dizzy Happy to Reminisce about His Bad Ass Outlaw Grandpa,” He started smoking at age 8 and started Drinking Moonshine by 11. Spent His whole fucking Life breaking His fucking Back scratching Out a Meager Living do Odd Jobs and supplementing His minimum Income by Bootlegging and Trapping. He was one Hard motherfucker I’ll tell You That He could Make a Man piss Himself just by Glaring at Them.”

        

“While it’s Not the Worst idea of the Day I Don’t want to End up sitting on a shitty Syringe and wreaking of fucking Filth for Four or Five Days.” said Lee trying to be encouraging since being Proactive yielded far better Results than just Being Reactive.

“Alright The How about We go down to the Strip Mall, Strip buck Naked, and Run around like fucking Psycho’s like We’re on Bath Salt Bender?” suggested Dizzy after a brief and awkward pause.

“I give it a fucking A for Creativity thats for fucking Sure. The only Drawback is if We do that there’s virtually No Chance of Escape because it wouldn’t take long before Someone or Some Store Owner called the goddamn Cops. And while I love Extreme Pranks and Seriously fucking with People I don’t want to spend the Night in the Drunk Tank. That and it really Piss off My Probation Officer too.” replied Lee as He looked for a Lighter that actually worked to light His Cigarette with.

       

Stay Tuned for Next Weeks Enthralling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (47/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober (12:24 am)

Lee Jonitis:Professional People Watcher (41/365)

Without saying another word  Dizzy went  bounding up the Stairs towards the Unresponsive Junkie. Once He reached the Junkie he shoved Him to one side and as the Junkie slumped to the right Dizzy literally stepped over the Junkies shoulder. Dizzy took a second to light a cigarette before placing His boot between the Junkie’s shoulder Blades, and shoved Him unceremoniously down the flight of Stairs.

The Junkie came tumbling down Ass over Elbows in a Flurry of Flailing Limbs finally hitting the Landing were Lee was standing. The Junkie lay there in a crumpled pile like a Wad of Chewed Up Bubble Gum. Lee frozen momentarily in Shock as He stared down at the Junkie wondering what the fuck He should do about it.  Lee definitely wasn’t about to call the fucking Cops that’s for sure They’d just give Dizzy and Him a Hard Time Hassling Them Unnecessarily because They weren’t Happy about cleaning Up and After a Scummy Junkie. Lee did wonder if He should at least call 911 and have some Medical Professionals handle it. Lee also wasn’t sure if He Should He say anything and just continue to follow Dizzy to His Apartment?!

       

“If You’re afraid He’s Dead check His pulse or see if He’s still breathing. I assure You He’s fucking Fine.” Dizzy said with total confidence. Lee glanced up at Dizzy who was leisurely taking Prolonged drags of His Cigarette with an air of Boredom.

Lee landed over and gingerly took hold of one of the Junkies wrists and was relieved to feel a Pulse and Not a Fresh Corpse. The Junkie suddenly let out a Low and Hollow Moan that startled the hell out of Lee and made Him Jump back away from the Junkie’s contorted body that lay only a few feet from Him. Lee could hear Dizzy Laughing deeply as if He had just heard the funniest fucking Joke ever Told. Lee shot Dizzy a “Fuck You” Scowl as He failed to find the Humor in the Situation.

       

“I fucking TOLD YOU, I told You He was Fit as a Fiddle. A Dope Addicted Fiddle that just fell Head long down a Flight of Stairs it’s a bit fucked up but Fine in General.” Dizzy Said with a Calm Confidence.

Lee slid past the Battered Body of the Junkie and resumed His Journey to Dizzy’s Apartment. Lee was annoyed that Dizzy hadn’t given Him any sort of Heads Up about the Living Conditions located in the Confines of This Skid Row Style Hotel. Lee didn’t harbor any Empathy for the Junkie He just wish He had been made aware so He wouldn’t have to worry about being fucked with by the Cops or Possible Arrested Himself. Thats the exact kind of bullshit He didn’t need in His life Lee kept telling Himself over and over again in His Head until He realized Dizzy was Still Talking as They went.

        

“You want to know HOW I knew that Junkie fuck was just Fine and Dandy? I’ll tell You it’s quite simple You see it like a Car Crash. If your about to inevitable be in an Auto Accident They say the Best thing to do is Go Limp. Which goes against EVERY Natural Instinct for Self Preservation instilled in Humans since Day One. If You try and Brace Yourself say by putting Your Hands on the Dashboard all Your guaranteeing is if You live that You’ll have Two fucking Broken Arms.”said Dizzy in a Tone of Voice that reminded Lee of an Educational TV Show Narrator.

“Thats some seriously fucked up Real Life Shit right there.” respond Lee flatly as He still hand’t fully come to grips with the whole Junkie incident, and was currently wondering what Other Oddities way lay in wait. Lee generally didn’t give a flying fuck about Anything as long as He knew what it was or what was going On that was all. It seemed like a normal request to Him at any rate.

        

“It’s like when Your watching one of those Extreme Skiers who attempt to Ski down some insane Monstrous Mountains at a fucking 65 degree angel and shit, and then They wipe the fuck out falling Hundreds to Thousands of Feet as You watch Them Flopping around like a Rag Doll. It’s the exact same Principle since initially the Skier is knocked out and thus goes completely Limp. It’s the only way Any of those crazy motherfuckers can do that shit without Dying when They Fall.” said Dizzy ignoring Lee’s suddenly sullen mood.

Be Sure To Tune in for Next Weeks Lactose Intolerant Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (42/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (12:33 am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (39/365)

In All due Favor Lee had literally been the Last Person He Knew to Buy a Cell Phone because in the Beginning All He had to do was Borrow a Friends or Families Members or Even just Some Stranger on the Street. Eventually Lee Realized Cell Phones had integrated Themselves so Deep into American Society They had become an Actual fucking Necessity of Modern Life.

Unfortunately for Lee once He took His First Sip of the Cell Phone Kool Aid He couldn’t Stop Drinking it to save His fucking Life. Lee couldn’t help feeling like a Struggling Drug Addict Who wants Nothing more than to Finally Get Clean, BUT Who couldn’t Stop Using No matter How hard They try. Lee felt the same way about His Cell Phone He hated it, it fucked up His Daily Life with CONSTANT Interruptions and Annoyances, Yet on the Other Hand He believed He couldn’t Survive without it.

       

“GODDAMN IT!”exclaimed Dizzy with intense Annoyance that was Bordering on Anger, “I threw all My fucking Change at goddamn Dancing Dave.”

Dizzy the became Rifling through His pockets with the Speed and Coordination of a  Drunken Pick Pocket. Dizzy kept Stabbing His hands haphazardly into His pockets like a Japanese Fisherman Harpooning a Whale while simultaneously going Insane. Lee watched for a while as Dizzy teetered on the Verge of Losing all Self Control before handing Him a Quarter.

“Jesus all this bullshit for a Quarter.” complained Dizzy with a great deal of contempt for the Situation. Dizzy jammed the Quarter into the Pay Phone Coin Slot like He was fucking Force Feeding it Spare Change Solely out of Spite.

       

As Lee’s eyes adjusted to the overbearing Gloom in the Minimal Lighting of the Slum of a Hotel He noticed the Entire Wall that the Pay Phone was Mounted on was tagged up with so much Graffiti You could see the Overlapping Layers. It appeared to Lee that the Medium of Choice for the Small Army of More Vandal then Graffiti Artists was Sharpe Markers. This seemed more of a Pastime for People Standing in the Lobby fucking around While Using the Pay Phone that was so Old the Numbers had almost been completely worn off with Countless Years of Use.

The Collection of Graffiti that Lined the Lobby Walls was Truly Exquisite not Just in Sheer Volume, but in Content as Well. There were the Standard Dirty Limericks, Crude Illustrations of Genitalia, Personal Insults, Obscene Comments, Angry Exclamations, Anti Authority Statements, Proclamations of Love and Hate, Street Artists Tags, Daily Observations, Bragging, Boasting, Shit Talking, Adult Humor, Replies written in Response to one  Person by Another, Self Promotion, Violent Imagery, and Social Statements this Wall had it All and Then Some for Sure.

        

Be Sure to Tune in for Next Weeks Hair Raising Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (40/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober   (12:45 am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn.  As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

       

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

   

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

       

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

“Alright Lester told Me He’d text Me the exact specifics, but He wants us to Buy the Best medium range Dildo for now. Then on Our way back Lester wants Us to stop off at a Hardware Store and pick up some sort of Weather Proofing Spray. You know the kind Business Types use to Water Proof Their expensive Italian Leather Shoes and Shit.” reported Shane very matter of factly.

“Furthermore Lester said as for post Severing Scene Lester’s going to use a small Metal Bar to reconnect the 2 broken pieces. Next He’ll Super Glue the Broken pieces back together around the interior Metal Bar Support The all thats left is to Slap a Cock Ring over the repair, and then will be reusable in Lester’s next Outlandish Film.” Shane continued as Glen stared at Him Blank Faced and Motionless. Once Shane was finished relaying Lester’s instructions turned and walked out without saying another word.

    

Shane stood looking reminiscent of a Meerkat searching the Grass Lands for possible Predators as He watched in dismay as a Frustrated and Furious Glen marched to the Door, and threw it Open forcefully just in case Someone wasn’t aware that He was being an Angry Asshole. Shane then leaned over and grabbed one of the Dildos off the Rack, Glanced at it, and then Shrugged to Himself.

Lee’s observations so far were Shane was Voice of Reason or The Sensible Ying to Glen’s Emotionally Driven Combative Yang. It was Shane’s unofficial  job to stay Grounded and Rational when Glen flew off the hook in a Wild Whirlwind of  Extreme Emotions. This dynamic Lee found was more than common amongst the Members of Society.

     

Lee had decided that Opposites Do AND More Over MUST attract. One Person is The Calm to the significant Other’s Chaos which works as They 2 Personality Types nullify one another. When You put 2 identical Personalities together in one relationship it NEVER works, and is usually just one long clusterfuck from Beginning to End. People are just like fucking Magnets in Opposite Poles Connect to one another while if You try to connect 2 Magnets using Their SAME Poles They repell each other (The desired Connection is for all intensive purposes is Impossible.)

   

Shane approached the Check Out counter still trying to figure out if the particulate Dildo He was about to purchase for His Boss to use as in the (Castration & Masturbation with a Cheese Grater None The Less) Scenes His Gory  Splatter Movie was indeed the “Right” One for the Job.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober