Tag: back in the day

The Night Emit Did Too Much Cocaine

I met Emit a Year or so after I graduated from High School who was a Friend of a Friend of Mine. As Time rolled on I became quite good Friends with Emit which was easy to do considering He was Intelligent, Open Minded, Amusing, Mellow, Insanely Friendly, and Sort of Funny in His Own Way. We had several Interests in Common such as Obscure Music and Movies as well as a Shared Contempt for Social Norms, Laws, Rules, Regulations, and Stupid fucking People in General.

One Summer I had Quit My Job working on a Landscaping Crew because the Boss was the most Anal Retentive People I have ever had the Displeasure of Working For. He was one of those Assholes You come across from time to time that’s a Legend in Their Own Mind and No One Else’s. So once I reached My Tolerance Limit I simply Told Him to Go Fuck Himself to Death and Quit on the Spot. Though this Discussion made Me feel Triumphant it also Left Me without a Paycheck and Virtually fucking Broke. About a Day after I quite in the Spectacular Display of “Take this Job and Shove it Up Your Ass You Asshole”  I happened to Run into Emit. He was on the Way to a Local Indie Record Shop in the Town I was currently Residing in, and We had become accustomed to Running into One another frequently.

We walked over to a Real Greasy Spoon of a Diner to get Coffee and Chain Smoke Cigarettes (We have Both since Quite Smoking Tobacco) while We bullshitted about what was New and other Various Shit. I told Him about How I had had it with My cocksucker Boss and How I Quit, but Now needed a New Source of Income Legal or Otherwise. Emit offered to Hook Me up with a Job in a the Neighboring Town Pumping Gas at the Gas Station/ Mechanic Shop where He had been working for just under a Year. I immediately took Him up on the Offer and Went down the Following Morning to Fill out an Application and a On the Spot Interview. Needless to say I got the Job right then and there which was a Huge Relief as My Bank Account was Beyond Depleted at that Point and Rent was coming Due Soon.

           

I won’t lie that was one of the Best Jobs I ever Had My Coworkers were Cool and I had a shit ton of Fun while Working as well as When I wasn’t. One Day Emit and I were scheduled to work the 7am-3pm Morning Shift, but when I arrived at Work to relieve the Night Shift Guy He told Me Emit hadn’t arrived Yet and He hadn’t heard anything from Him either. I wasn’t worry or pissed about it as Being on Time was a Flexible Subject when Working There. It honestly wan’t all that Long Before Emit showed Up looking like Death Warmed Over. Emit stood 5′ 9″ and was Thin as a fucking Rail which made Him look rather Lanky, and a Thick Head of Hair that seriously resembled a Mop. He was Pale and Moving slowly as He greeted Me on His way to Clock in I noticed His eyes were Bloodshot as Shit, and He had Big Old Black Bags under His eyes. The Bags were so promenade it looked as if Emit had been in a Bar fight and gotten His Nose Broken for His Trouble.

I sat as Patiently as I could as Curiosity consumed Me as I ran through countless possible Scenario’s for Why Emit looked like a Sickly Corpse. As My Mind Raced I started to Clock Watch holding out My inevitable Questions in as Long as I could. That way I would at least be able to give Emit the Curtesy of finishing His Coffee which He held Clutched in His right Hand like it Contained the Meaning of fucking Life. Finally Emit took the Last Sip of His Coffee and I immediately and with a Great Deal of Excitement and Anticipation what the fuck Happened to Him. To say I that I sure a Hell wasn’t Entertained Off My Ass by Emit’s Story would be a seriously Grave Understatement. Emit obligedes Me Intense Interest and starts to Tell Me starting the Story off with by informing Me He did Cocaine for the First Time Last Night.

            

Now Don’t ask Me why Perhaps its because We moved in the Same Social Circles I just assumed that Emit had done Cocaine or at Least He had Tried it Once. I can’t Lie I have personally done a shitload of Cocaine in My Life, but to be Brutally Honest I don’t see the Point, and what I mean by that is it’s Far More Trouble than its Actually Worth (Plus there Plenty of Different Drugs One Can Do so Why Settle for Cocaine). Anyway enough about Me let Us get Back to the Story Shall We.

Emit’s Parents apparently had gone out of Town at the Last Minute for Some fucked Up Reason what exactly I don’t remember. Emit now having the Run of the House decided to Phone Up some Friends to come over and Hangout as Emit wasn’t a Party Person. Emit preferred to Entertain Small Groups because He felt it was more Personal and Intimate as Parties generally are Loud, Crowded, and You can’t hear Yourself Think half the Time. One of His Guest arrived with a 8 Ball (3.5 Grams) of What turned out to be Pretty fucking Pure Cocaine. The Night had started off Simply enough as the Quests arrived and People Poured themselves a Stiff Cocktail and Settled in for an Evening with Friends. The Night Progressed as Did the Drinking until People were Sufficiently Drunk enough to Add Drugs to the Mix. Everyone had sat in a Circle as a Small Black Plate with the 8 Ball on it was Passed Around Periodically throughout the Rest of the Night.

            

The Gathering of Friends started to Break up around 1:30am as Guest began to Depart slowly Trickling Out as They had In one or two at a Time. By 2:10 according to Emit it was just Him, His Buddy Tommy and His Girlfriend Alison. The Trio continued to Listen to Music and Chat for a while Longer after the Others had Left until in the end Tommy and Alison had to go as well. Emit now found Himself alone at Home in an Empty House, Rather Drunk, and Tweaking on a Good Bit of Potent Cocaine. One of the Shittiest things about Cocaine is it’s a Blast when everything is Lively and there’s Music Playing as You’re conversing with Friends and all that Social Shit, but Once Your Alone and the Evening is Over IT FUCKING SUCKS. Your fucking Amped Out of Your Mind yet all of the Stimulation that makes it Fun and Entertaining is Gone and all You have is You. Thats when the Negative Side Effects of Cocaine Use become Glaringly Apparent.

You start to become acutely aware of the Physical effects of Cocaine outside of the High that are Far From Pleasant. You feel your heart Pounding like a Sledgehammer against Your chest which instantly makes you start worrying You might be on the Verge of an Overdose. You start to obsesses and Calm Yourself Down, but the More You do the More the Anxiety Eats at You. You can’t sit still but theres nothing to do and no where to go accept inside of Your own head which is Not where one wants to be on Cocaine that’s for fucking sure. You start hearing Noises that make You paranoid on Every Level it’s not always about the Police (though Obviously if You do Drugs and Become Paranoid the Police are a Prime Concern for Most). You start doubting Yourself and Your Previous Decisions which again leads You back to the “Am I going to have a fucking Heart Attack from doing all this Cocaine?” Question.

            

Unfortunately being the First Time Emit did Cocaine and the Fact it was some Good Shit was Utterly Unaware of all of the Aforementioned Unpleasantries. Emit feel directly into the Heart Attack Paranoia and Angst, and began to Panic like a Trapped Rabbit. Everything He tried to Relax Not only Failed Miserably it just made Him more Hyper Focused on the Issue. Once Emit had exhausted every possibility He could think of He remembered that His Next Door Neighbor was in Fact a Medical Doctor. Even though it had gone from the Late Hours of the Night to the Early Hours of the Morning Time Wise, and the fact Emit had Never even said Hello to His Doctor Neighbor didn’t Phase Emits Choice. Emit chose to through Caution to the Wind and Go over to His Neighbor’s, Knock on the Door, and Throw Himself at Their Mercy. This was a truly Ballsy choice as the Chances where the Neighbor wouldn’t answer the Door and would Call the Cops instead.

Luckily for Emit His Guardian Angel must have been working Overtime Because His Neighbor didn’t phone the Police, and actually answered the Door. Once His Neighbor opened the Door Emit confesses that He is High as Hell on Cocaine Currently, Alone, and Terrified He is About to Have a Fatal Heart Attack. His Neighbor was a True Doctor and again instead of calling the Cops stuck Tried and True to The Hippocratic Oath and Helped Emit out of His Predicament. Essentially Emit’s Neighbor sat with Him and Chatted until the Cocaine had Worn Off Enough so Emit wasn’t scared of Cardiac Arrest, and His Neighbor said it was Time for Emit  to Go Sleep it off Ironically as it were. Emit went Home and eventually succumbed to Exhaustion and Slept for 10 Hours Straight like the Dead. After that Night Emit Never touched Cocaine ever again stating He had Learned all He Needed to Know the First Time, and what He learned most of All is Cocaine is a BITCH to Deal with.

           

From that Day On Emit Earned the Nickname Dr. Cocaine which We used Tirelessly to Bust His Balls for Years After.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Spinal Tap T.V.

  Long ago when my wife and I started dating in early 1776 I was living with a friend of mine named Nightmare. An unusual trend started for a few months where my wife and I would be awoken by my friends/roommates tv blasting at an ungodly volume almost every morning. Finally curiosity trumped annoyance and I out right asked Nightmare what in the name of all things sane was the whole waking up to his tv blaring like a goddamn Imax movie about exactly.

  Nightmare’s response was quick, simple and conciese as he asked me to view a typical evening from his point of view. I agreed as once again my annoyance level was rising like the 1980’s stock market. After meeting up after work back at home base all 3 of us would hangout bullshitting and drinking more than a few beers. As the evening wound down my wife and I would retire to our bedroom as Nightmare retired to his which was right next to ours.

Once everyone was settled in their perspective bedrooms Nightmare would kick on the T.V. for a bit. Then my wife and I would inevitably end up having sex which in turn caused Nightmare to raise the volume on his t.v., but instead of that being the end of it apparently my wife and I would precede to get louder then louder again causing a volume battle with Nightmare’s t.v. until the television’s volume maxed out. Nightmare then at some point had to upgrade his sound system for his television because the max volume wasn’t loud enough. I can only imagine the conversation Nightmare had with the sales guy.

The Hippy and The Hillbillies

My father was born,grew up in, lived and worked in two major Northern cities before he met my mother at his job. My mother was working in the second city ,BUT she was from a very small southern town where she was born and raised before seeking employment in the Northern city.

As you may imagine though they lived in the Northern city they made frequent yearly trips to visit my mothers side of the family down south. Now my father noticed in the first few years of their marriage that when he wanted to go into town my grandfather automatically would send one of my mom’s relatives to accompany him. In all due favor it was the mid seventies the deep south. At this time my father had a full on beard, prominent jew fro, wore aviator sun classes and sported a military type  jacket . Well finally my father got rather fed up with the whole baby sitter situation and asked my Grandfather strait out why he couldn’t go into town alone.

My Grandfather in brutal honesty told him the reason he wouldn’t allow my father to go by himself into town. My Grandfather said it was because until the towns people knew who he was, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY that he was married to my mom and my Grandfather’s son-in-law it simply wasn’t safe.