Tag: bad attitude

Man Or Beast Both Have Nipples: A Tale Of The Stupidity Of Humanity

There Countless times a Day I wonder How the fuck some People can/are so fucking Stupid that They’re the reason the Saying “Too Stupid to Live” exists in the First fucking Place. This particular Saying Pertains to People so Horribly fucking Stupid it’s Amazing They haven’t inadvertently Done Themselves in by Simple Being so fucking Stupid. This is a Story about One of these Monumentally Moronic People and Sad to Say it’s Not only True, But the Client Depicted in the Story is an  Actual fucking Person.

Allow Me to Set the fucking Stage. I had been working as a Vet Tech (a Vet Tech is to a Veterinarian as a Nurse is to a Human Doctor) for 16 Years before I started working for a Notoriously Unconventional Vet. I should have known what the fuck I was getting into Since My Wife had worked for this Vet Previously. After Several Years along with some a SERIOUSLY Insane Situation (which is a Whole Different Story for another Day) My Wife Ended up Quitting, and taking a Job at a Local Animal Shelter’s Veterinary Clinic. Now being an Unconventional Person Myself I got along quite well with this Veterinarian Who We will call Dr. Rich for all intents and purposes. Basically I don’t want the Guy to find out about this Post and taking Legal Action Against Me. Trust Me Stranger shit has Happened in Life, and He is a Strange Guy.

    

Lastly the Shittiest Part of being a Vet Tech isn’t Dealing with Patients which is rather Complicated from the Get Go. What I mean is Animal Patients obviously Can’t Talk (Parrots Excluded of Course for Vets who Treat Exotic Animals as Most Don’t) so They can’t Explain What Hurst or Where it Hurts or Any Symptoms Period. In All Honesty the Worst fucking Part of Working in a Veterinary Clinic/Hospital like I said isn’t the 4 Legged Patients it’s Their 2 Legged Owners. In General Not only are Owners various Levels of Problematic They can also be Outright Assholes. Here is a Quick Example for You. A Man came in and Signed Off on His Dog’s Neutering as well as all the Bells and Whistles.

It’s Important to Point Out that Dr. Rich being Unconventional didn’t Require such things as Pre Surgical X-rays for Dentals for Example though He stated His Opinion that it could never Hurt to do Pre Surgical Shit such as Pre Surgical Bloodwork. After that He left it up to the Owner’s Digression Especially since Money is a Major Factor as is Anything fucking Medical. Now when the Time came for this Dumb Son of a Bitch to Pick Up His Dog and Pay His Bill He proceeded to have a Full Blown Shit Fit about it. The thing is the Client had NO REASON to Complain because the Dumbfuck never ASKED how Much it would Cost before He went ahead and Authorized  Everything. On Top of the Shithead arguing Over His goddamn Bill Dr. Rick worked in a VERY Wealthy Area which made things Even More Aggravating as fuck.

You see 90% of the Clients were Empty Headed, Day Drinking, Plastic Surgery Enhanced, Botox Junkie Trophy Wives Devoid of Intelligence and Personality alike.  I’m not fucking Joking when I say there was a Neighborhood where if You bought a House for $750,000 Your Neighbors would think/say shit like “Poor You, You can only afford to buy a House for $750,000.” behind Your back. That and I’ll NEVER forget this Bratty Wealth Flaunting for Clout Stupid Bitch Who came in to Pick Up Flea and Tick shit for Her Dog. After Paying She lingered around like a fucking Stank Ass Fart so She could Talk about How Rich She Was (which is a fucking Joke since Eery last goddamn Dollar She Spent wasn’t Earned by Her but Her Husband again These are Trophy Wives or Eye Candy for Cash). Anyway She’s Bitching that Her Husband wanted the Credit Card Company American Express to give Her one of Their Elitest of the Elite Black AmEx. If You Don’t know about the Mysterious AmEx Black Card You’re Not the Only one by Far. Simply put You can’t Apply for One AmEx has to give You One since to get One You have to Spend a MINIMUM of $250,000 a Year using it.

Lastly on the Subject of Exceptional Assholes was a Woman who was buying Dog Food who was standing behind another woman who was paying Her Bill. The Entire Time the Woman in front is Paying the Lady standing behind Her started gawking at the Woman’s Obscene Wedding Ring sporting a Grotesque Diamond. Long Story short the Two Women started a Heated Clout Debate over Who’s Ring was Better and what Their Rings were Worth. This was an utterly Pointless Situation started by One Rich Asshole just to Talk shit to Another Rich Asshole. Finally it’s worth Noting that the Sickeningly Extravagant Diamonds in those (and Other) Rings are Worth so Much that Rich Assholes have Them removed and Store Them in a Bank Safety Deposit Box. The Actual Real Diamonds are Replaced with Usually High End Crystal.

I think its Safe to Say that We all Know Wealthy People are Monumental Motherfuckers.They think because They have Money Everyone Else should give Them whatever the fuck They Want Whenever They want it. Money may be the Root of All Evil, but it Also the Great Stupefier of Humanity since as Soon as Someone gets Rich Their IQ’s Lower and They increasingly Act like Total Entitled Asshole that We have All come to Hate. These are the Kind of Assholes that Recoil at the word “No” because They’re so used to People kissing Their Asses enabling Them to act like They have No Idea that No is an Actual Word. Lastly I’ll add that when it comes to Difficult Clients the Veterinary Clinics/Hospitals have a Code  for them which is PIA. PIA is Reserved for Habitual Crappy Clients, and Stands for “Pain In The Ass” so if You happen to see this written on the inside of Your Pet’s File best to Reevaluate Your fucking Life.

     

On this Particular Day one of Our PIA Clients called Frantic about Her Dog. She wasn’t an Outright Asshole She was just so God Awful Stupid that it made Dealing with Her feel like Pulling fucking Teeth. I will simply Refer to Her as Moronic Mary for the Rest of this Post. I asked Her what the Problem with Her Dog was and She said the Following. “I was watching Talkshows while I was Petting My Dog. I rubbed His Belly and I felt a Bunch of Little Lumps, and I Don’t Know if Their Insect Bites or Tumors Do You think My Dog has Cancer?” At this Point I had to Remind Her that I wasn’t the Actual Vet and even if I was I can’t Diagnosis Her Dog over the fucking Phone. This only served to get Her more fucking manic then She already was. I informed Her that luckily We had a Cancelation for an Afternoon Appointment and I would gladly Pencil Her In. She then damn well Demanded to have Her Dog seen IMMEDIATELY! She Fully Expected Us to Drop whatever We were Doing, and Clear the Vet’s Schedule for the Day to Dedicate 100% of Everyone’s Attention on Her Dog and Her Dog Alone. Moronic Mary Tried Again and Again Futilely to Force Me Somehow giving Her what She wanted. It was just Another Rich Asshole Preaching from the The Billionaire’s Big Book of Bullshit.

Well Finally the Time came for Moronic Mary’s Afternoon Appointment which She was around 20-25 minutes late for. Now I’m going to take a Moment to Vent here so Hold On. You see I don’t fucking Understand how a Pet Owner can be SO Concerned about Their Pet that They Demand to be Seen IMMEDIATELY (in a Non Emergency Situations), and After the Nonsensical Drama They then Show the fuck Up Late. You just want to get in Their fucking Face and and Scream “SERIOUSLY YOU ASSHOLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PET EARLIER THAT YOU PITCHED A FULL ON FIT, AND NOW YOU STROLE IN HERE LATE LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL? FUCK YOU BUDDY.” Talk about being a Self Centered Self Serving Piece of Shit with Absolutely No regard for Anyone Else but Now I will Digress.

I escorted Moronic Mary and Her Dog into an Exam Room and let the Dr. Rick everything was Set. Dr. Rick entered the Exam room Dressed in in a Ugly Cliche Hawaiian Themed Scrub Top (without a Shirt underneath mind You as is the Practice) Worn Jeans, and clunky old brown Work Boots, and Trade Mark Sunglasses. He came in with a Smirk which was an Indicator He wasn’t looking forward to Dealing with this Particular Client, and 10 to 1 He was going to Talk a Little Shit/Malevolently Fuck with Them  to make it worth His While. Also in All Honestly  it was always Extremely Entertaining when He opted to fuck with Difficult or Dumbass Clients making the Whole Ordeal somewhat Tolerable.

I lifted the Dog which by the Way was a King Charles Spaniel which was one of the More Popular Breeds in the Area. I guess Someone/Something has to Keep the Drunken Trophy Wives Company since the Husbands were Workaholics and 99% of Them sure as Hell didn’t have Kids Either. So I do the Whole Restraining or Preemptive Restraining to be More Exact. The Preemptive Restraining is like a Hug where You Place one Arm Under the Dogs Belly in front of the Back Legs like a Seatbelt. Your Other Arm you put Around the Dogs Neck like a Canine Version of a Headlock, and the Reason for this is if the Dog Acts Out be it due to Pain/Discomfort or Aggression You again Act like a Seat Belt and Tighten Your Grip Accordingly (Just in case Anyone was fucking Wondering). Moronic Mary was all Flustered and was acting as if She was on the fucking Brink of a fucking Panic Attack, or in My Personal Opinion She was Acting like a Tweeked Out Meth Addict. Dr. Rich started His Physical Exam where He ran His hands Over the Dog from Head to Tail feeling For Injuries/Pain/Abnormalities/Joint and Spine Issues etc.

After letting Moronic Mary simmer in Her own Insanity for a minute or two Dr. Rich at last asked Her what the Reason was that She had brought Her Dog in. Well being fucking True to Form Moronic Mary starts to Retell the Story She Told Me Only this Version was Longer, More Detailed, More Dramatic than the Previous Telling. The Entire time Moronic Mary is ranting away like a Possessed Woman Dr. Rich just Stood There Examining the Dog with a Shit Eating Grim plastered across His Face. Once Moronic Mary literally ran out of Breath Dr. Rich informed Her that during His Cursory Exam had Not Felt any Abnormal Lumps. He then Asked Moronic Mary to Please Show Him exactly what the fuck She was Talking About.

We then Proceeded t get the Dog to Lay Down on its Side so Dr. Rich could Checkout these Mysteriously Non Present Lumps when Moronic Mary located Them to Show Him. This is when the STUPID SHIT HIT THE FUCKING FAN. Moronic Mary proceeded to Show Dr. Rich the Unknown Lumps which in Reality were the Dog’s Nipples, BUT That’s Not All! Dr. Rich with a look of Disbelief informs Moronic Mary that the Lumps She was concerned with are in fact just regular old Nipples. What Moronic Mary Said Next I will remember to the fucking Day I Die “But…He’s a Boy Dog???” at which Point Dr. Rich looking a little Unsure of How to Handle Someone so Painfully Ignorant. Lucky for Him Dr. Rich was Quick on His Feet and Calmly and as Politely as Possible all things Considered that Yes Her Boy Dog has Nipples just like Her Husband is a Boy and He Too has Nipples.

So in Summation an Adult Woman felt Lumps on Her Dog’s Belly, Freaked Out, Called The Vet in a Panic, Acts Demanding and Belligerent. She then precedes to Show the fuck Up around 20-25 Minutes Late Only to Diagnosis Her Boy Dog with Nipples. This Dumbfounded the Moronic Client Who for some fucking reason Though Men of the 2 or 4 Legged Didn’t have Nipples since They Don’t Nurse Babies. Then a Highly Educated Veterinarian had o Explain the whole fucking “Men have Nipples Too” impromptu Anatomy Lesson pertaining to Humans and Animals. Now after Reading this when I say the VAST MAJORITY of People Today are fucking Fucktarded Idiots I dare Someone to Argue with Me (Only Partially Joking).

It is What it Is,

  By les Sober

Monday Terror

So it’s fucking MONDAY again! Monday the day we have to end our 48 hours of freedom and return to the grind of daily fucking life. Worse we have to fucking get through 5 fucking days of WORK, BILLS, AND BULLSHIT just to get another fucking pathetic 48 hours to ourselves. That’s why everyone on the fucking planet hates the hell out of Mondays! Mondays represent the beginning of another cycle of suck that reminds us of all the shit in our lives that sucks ass.

Les didn’t have a plan for todays post so I decided to step in since this Monday was an EXCEPTIONALLY SHITTY one. In a tribute to all fucking things Monday I selected the following post for today. It’s fucking loud, abrasive, in your fucking face, absurd as fuck, insanity inducing borderline sensory overload so like I said it’s just like fucking Mondays.

See you whenever I see you,

  Justin Sane  

The Instagram Asshole Incident

Welcome to another Wednesday FYB Post. I apologize for Our Sporadic Posting but lets fucking face it the Holidays are fucking hell with the Psychotic Shopping and Everyone Traveling fucking Everywhere. I assure You that come January We will be Back on Track with some Improvements. As Justin mentioned I recently helped a Friend Launch a Project and  it Demanded a Great Deal of My Time. Luckily the Project took off Faster than Expected so Now that it’s Up and Running its a Maintenance issue at this Point. This brings Me to Todays Post The Instagram Asshole Incident.

For Context Purposes Heres a Brief Back Story Summation of the Situation. I joined My Friend’s Project as the Creative Director, but then the Treasurer at the Time (who I had a Personal falling out just Six Weeks before I joined the Project) went Completely Retarded on Himself. At first He was all Manic and Happy then things got Dark and They got Dark Fast. A few Days after I signed on the Treasurer started getting Bizarrely Defensive, Increasingly Competitive although Our Jobs were Completely fucking different and I had no fucking interest in His fucking Job. Finally shit Hit the Fan and He had a Total fucking Bitch Fit Style Melt Down, and My Friend wasn’t going to Stand for this bullshit Attitude so He Fired the Treasurer’s Trifling Ass.

What I wasn’t fucking aware of at the Time was that the Newly Departed Treasurer had also been given the Job of the Current Handling the Social Media for the Project. As it turned out in Eleven Months of being on the Project the Treasurer hadn’t done a fucking thing. I’d say it was a fucking Joke, but it was far Beyond being just a fucking Joke it was utterly fucking pathetic. So as a Result I was asked to take over the Instagram Account and I use the word Account loosely since there was No fucking Content to speak of and it had Obviously been set up and then Ignored by the Former Treasurer. Since the Ex-Treasurer had set up the Account My Friend couldn’t get Me the Password and all that Shit so We said fuck it, Deleted the Old Account, and Started from fucking Scratch. Things were going Great with the New Account and We were Racking up Followers and Following Hand over fucking Fist then One Day I just happened to Come Across Something that Thoroughly Pissed Me off. I saw a Post by One of the Accounts We were Following that was Our Mission Statement word for fucking word Verbatim which I fucking Wrote.

Apparently this dumbfuck saw the Instagram Account and Hit up the Project’s Website and then Cut and Pasted Our shit on His Instagram. What this Douche Nozzle didn’t Realize is the Project’s Website Content is in Fact Copyrighted so what this Jackbag did was Actually Illegal. Now here was My fucking Conundrum Obviously on the Personal Front I wanted to Tear this Fuckwit’s Head Off and Shit Down His Neck. The Problem is this wasn’t a Personal Matter this was a Business Matter so I couldn’t just Rant and Rage while Unleashing a Sick Flurry of fucking F-Bombs and Insane Insults. I had to do the Exact Opposite I had to Handle this Professionally which means using a Cool, Calm, Collected, Focused, and Professional Manner. This is not nor has Ever been in My Skill Set so this was Trial By Fire. I was so fucking filled with Indignant Rage I didn’t know what the fuck to do so I called My Friend, Informed Him of the Situation, and Asked Him what How I should Proceed.

He instructed Me to Dm this Motherfucker and simply say the Content He posted was Copyrighted and to take the Post Down ASAP and I did just that. Fast fucking Forward 24 Hours and this Dickhead hadn’t taken the Post down or Even Commented on the Situation at Hand. So I called My Friend again, let Him Know the Post was Still Up, and again asked What the fuck to do since all I wanted to do is End this Fucker and Shit all over His fucking Life. My Friends Told ME to DM the Rimjob again and This Time Add if the Post is Not Taken Down in a Timely Manner We would Persue Legal Action and that should be Sufficient. I did as I was instructed and that was that for the Time Being, but things were about to get Even more fucking Aggravating as Yet Another Dipshit was about to Interject Themselves into the Situation as it were.

The Following Morning I went and Checked Instagram to see if the Post had finally been fucking taken down so this shit would be done and We could get back to fucking Work. Not only was the goddamn Post still fucking up some Bitchface had Hit Up Our DM and Left Her Two Unsolicited Cents on the Subject at Hand. I have No fucking Clue Who Exactly what the Relationship was between this Stupid Shitsack and the Dildo Who Stole Our Content. She could be a Relative, Family Member, Friend, Sibling, or Just a Random Asshat Trolling the Internet jumping into Other People’s Shit to well Start Shit. Now it was fucking aggravating back in the Pre Internet Days when Idiots and Assholes could call Your Job or Worse just Walk the fuck in, but goddamn nowadays its 100 times fucking worse with IM, DM, Email, Text, Internet, and Social Media. Living Today You feel like You’re surrounded by fucking Dickbags that You can’t Ever actually Escape From like You’re Surrounded on all Sides by Sea Shitheads.

This Raging Bitch could have Behaved like a fucking Adult and in a Professional Manner mind You, Yet She chose to Approach the Situation like a Pissy Little Tween Troll. She started by Stating People in the Instagram Community should Be Nicer to Each other and all that Typical Cliche Happy Horseshit. Then She proceeds to in the Very Next fucking Sentence to insult Our Project, Talking Shit on a Personal Level, Bitching like a Banshee in Heat, Name Calling, and being a Stuck Up Holier Than Thou Fucktard. Once Again I wanted to Unleash a Shitstrom of My Own Making Upon this Trifling Whore, but Again I had to Restrain Myself to a Spectacular Degree. It was then that Luck Would have it I just so Happened to see a Quote from Winston Churchill that Saved My Sanity. The Quote is “Tact is the Ability to Tell Someone to Go To Hell in such a Way that They look Forward to the Trip.” a Sort of  Grimmer Version of Killing Them with Kindness.

I then Sat Down and Typed Out My Response to this Irrational Asshole of a Person. I took the Tone of a Stern Parent Reprimanding a Petulant Child. I made Sure to Sound Condescending as a Motherfucker as I talked Down to Her as if She were a Moronic Fool absent of any and all Intelligence. I told Her She needed to Calm Down since She was so Obviously Emotionally Upset and Needed a Quick Time Out. I then Stated that it didn’t matter what the fuck She Thought or Felt since this was a Matter of Copyrighted Intellectual Property Used without Our Expressed Consent and Absolutely Nothing Else. I then Apologized Not for Our Dm’s BUT for the Fact She seemed to be just so fucking Distraught by Them, and then I Provided Her with My Friend’s Attorney’s Contact Information while Welcoming Her to Contact Him Herself on the Matter if She so Desired knowing Damn Well She fucking wouldn’t since She was just a Loud Mouthed Cum Dumpster. I signed off with “Have a Truly Blessed Day” as a Subtle but at the same time Obvious Fuck You.

So My Advice is if You’re on the Job and Confronted by Some Vaginal Fuck Flaps trying to make Problems Remember What Winston Churchill Said and Use the Advice Wisely.

Thanks For Reading,

   By Les Sober  

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (60/365)

The Bus Load of Passengers Panicked, Anxious, Traumatized, and some what Bloody were running amok in the Parking Lot as The Police and EMTS tried to make sense of the Increasingly Chaotic Situation. The Cops were running around trying to find out what the fuck happened and if They had due cause to Arrest Anyone. For Their part the EMTs were also running around in a Blind Frenzy Assessing Injuries and Dealing with the General Pandemonium created by the Freaked Out Cast of Characters from the Bus.

It was the Preverbal Three Ring Shit Show as Drama Reigned Supreme as all sense of Order had been Abandoned as the Strip Mall. Lee and Dizzy agreed that They didn’t feel the need to be around Cops since They both shared an Equal amount of Distain and Contempt for The Boys in Blue. Also Dizzy had stated that They had far better things to do with Their Time than Spending the Remainder of the Afternoon Sobering Up in the Police Station’s Drunk Tank. So in Onslaught of Insanity that Ensued from the Bus Fiasco Lee and Dizzy made an Easy Exit (as Fast as They Possibly Could without calling Attention to Themselves). They turned the first Corner They came to and then the Next before taking a short cut through the Park to avoid being seen on the Street. Once They exited the Park on the Opposite side They figured at that Point They had successfully  made Their Getaway Unnoticed.

              

“Well Thank God We managed to avoided getting trapped in all that Craziness with the Cops there and all,” said Lee being Honestly Relieved at Not Being Detained, “What the fuck are We going to do Now?!”

“I’ll tell you this We need to Hit up a Liquor Store ASAP since all that Bullshit with the Bus seriously Killed My Buzz.Nothing Sobers You Up like when the Police Show the fuck Up” replied Dizzy rather Irritated.

“If We keep walking We’ll come across a Corner Liquor Store in No Time especially when We are headed into a Poorer Neighborhood. Not a Slum or Ghetto Mind You, but a Economically Depressed Neighborhood.” said Lee as He figured remaining Practical was the Best Strategy as Dizzy was Obviously Agitated.

“Yeah You got that Right,” signed Dizzy growing Weary of the Day’s Ordeals, “I don’t know about YouI need a Sincerely Strong Drink and a Big one at That. I can’t stand People and All the Stupid shit They do and the Cops fuck Cops.”

                

It occurred to Lee just then at that Moment that He was growing Tired of Dizzy’s company more by the Minute. First Off Dizzy was extremely emotionally volatile Who Feelings could change Drastically on a Dime. One Minute He was Witty, Sarcastic, and Easy Going without a single care in the World. Then Suddenly and without warning in the Middle of a Laugh He could become Pissed and Aggressive or Down right Deeply Depressed. There didn’t seem to be any Rhyme or Reason behind the Sudden Trading off of Emotions. It wasn’t all Bad mind You as Dizzy’s Unpredictability and Unorthodoxly Outlandish Behavior is what made Him Appealing as You never knew what to expect Next. Dizzy definitely kept Other People on Their Toes, and it was the Emotional Intensity provided the Sitting on the edge of Your Seat Feeling You got every time You were with Him. Although at the Same Time the Unpredictability Factor was too Draining even if He was in a Good Mood the Whole Time You hung out You still felt Exhausted just being around someone who’s Intensity can be Overwhelming to the Senses.

Lee thought to Himself as They Duo lazy strolled down the Sparsely Littered Street. Lee mulled over His relationship with Dizzy, and after a good bit of Deliberation He came a Conclusion. Lee Concluded that He had to Distance Himself from Dizzy for a Long While if They were to remain Friends. The Trick was Dizzy in Small Doses that way You could circumvent the Unpleasant Side Effects of Dizzy’s Intensity. Lee wasn’t upset with Dizzy it just seemed that aside from His Overpowering Personality Dizzy seemed to be a Magnet for Madness. Eccentrics of all Sorts The Mentally Unbalanced, The Damaged, The Defective Misfits and Outcast Naturally gravitated to Dizzy a Perfect Example being the Bus Scenario. Lee wanted a Break and Needed to Rid Himself of Dizzy even if again only temporarily.

               

Lee decided to to Temporarily Tune Out the World and Observe the Various types of Graffiti Plastered across Store Fronts, Lining the Walls of the Allies, and in less Traditional and more Random Places (such a Mailboxes or Public Garbage Cans for Example). The Contrast between the Eclectic Mix of Street Art as Lee liked to Refer to it as since Graffiti had a Negative Stigma attached to it. There were Basic Artist Tags scrawled Hastily in Passing to Full Sized Murals that Encompassed an Entire Side of a Building. Lee chalked up the Variations to the Artists Time (How Much Time Did They Have to Paint Their Piece), and of Course the Raw Talent of the Particular Artist. Graffiti Artists tended to be Self Taught since the Academics Don’t Teach Graffiti in Art School. Lee’s Train of Thought was quickly Derailed by Dizzy’s Shitty Demeanor.

“Can I borrow a couple buck for a Bottle?” Asked Dizzy Demandingly

“Wha Yeah Sure thing.” Lee answered a little caught off guard since he had been Day dreaming at the time.

Dizzy snatched the wadded up Bills from Lee’s hand like a Wild animal snatching Food from a Person’s Hand. This irritated the living shit out of Lee as He felt Dizzy was being a major dick since Lee was the one doing Him the Favor. Dizzy Barged into the Liquor Store like a Bull in a fucking China Shop Flinging the Door Open to the Point to Strained on it Hinges emitting a Sickly Squeaking Sound. Dizzy sorted up and down the Small Row of Isles whipping His he’d Back in Forth which reminded Lee of a Shark in a Feeding Frenzy. At Last Dizzy grabbed a Bottle of Winkler’s Whisky off the Shelf aggressively as if He was taking back some Stolen Property of His.

              

Dizzy proceeded to then March determinately up to the Store Counter and plained the Bottle down with a thud indicating His currently Abominable Attitude. The Lanky Store Clerk grimaced at Dizzy with a look of Disgust, and made a snide comment about how Dizzy didn’t need to be banging Bottles on His Counter. Dizzy totally disregarded the Clerk and Threw down the Handful of Crinkled Cash Unceremoniously onto the Counter as if making a point to the Clerk that He could be as Disagreeable as He fucking damn well Pleased. The Clerk picked up the Money and Started to unfold it as He counted it out, and after seeing the Money was Sufficient grumbled something about Dizzy Not Hurrying Back anytime soon. Dizzy Exited the Liquor Store in the Same Fashion as HE had Entered in another subtle fuck you to the Clerk.

Stay Tuned for the Next Life Confirming Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (61/365)

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober

Behavioral Relapse Wreaks Havoc At Medical Office

Just the other day I had the displeasure of seeing My Secondary Doctor for a routine check in (not up as They already know what the fuck is going on with Me) to make sure Their Machines are running smoothly.

Now YES I do hate the hell out of Doctors thats a WELL Documented Fact, BUT being aware that Doctor’s/Doctor Offices’s are a trigger that will set me off like a fucking bomb means I have to do something about it.

Just being aware of the problem isn’t enough.

I fucking hate People who act like assholes, and then use some Medical/Psychological issue They have simple as an excuse. Having a Medical or Mental condition ISN’T A FREE PASS TO BE A JACKASS.

If You know what the fuck is wrong with You then its on YOU to FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM or at least TRY to the BEST of Your Ability. Sitting around saying ” Oh its because  I have…..” IS A UTTER BULLSHIT.

Anyway back to the Story. We…Oh hold on ok. I say We because I bring My Wife with Me whenever I can as a sort of Good Behavior Insurance Policy though like this time it DOESN’T always work.

So We got to the Office and it chock full of Living Corpses as per usual, YET We didn’t have to wait an exorbitantly long time before getting summoned into the back.

Once there The Tech came in and did Her 5-6 minute system check, everything came back fine and that was that. Of course I couldn’t get the fuck out of a Doctor’s office without someone taking My fucking Vitals. It’s no big deal because its quick and Painless.

THEN the Nurse taking My vitals said that My Doctor’s Nurse Practitioner would be in Shortly. As I sat there a FEW things started to occur to Me. The first was oddly about My Primary (and only other) Doctor, and how He had been a moody fucker the last time I saw Him.

Apparently He was still bent out of shape about what I had said pertaining to Doctors, The Shitty Healthcare System, and How it Financially Rapes Patients while Doctor’s seem utterly fucking oblivious.

Then it dawned on Me why was I still waiting? The Appointment thus far had gone quickly and everything checked out fine so what the fuck?!

See My Primary Doctor has jurisdiction over every aspect of My Health like a Team Coach. The Secondary Doctor was called in as a Pitch Hitter meaning He was there to preform one Job, and when it was done that was essentially it outside of a Post Op and 3 month check ups.

I was curious then at first at what the hell the Nurse Practitioner could do for Me/Do Period. They had My Vitals. The Machinery was Checked and Signed Off On, and since thats all They ACTUALLY CAN DO FOR ME what then was I waiting for.

Patience is a Virtue I was Born WITHOUT.

Around 10 minutes went by and I getting less curious and FAR more irritated. At 15 Minutes I’ve losing self control at an increasing rate. At the 15 minute marker the Nurse Practitioner came bouncing into the Exam Room.

She was one of those fucking Happy, Peppy, Rainbows and Bunnies Cheerleaders of Life Types which is the LAST thing I want to deal with when I already about to go Ape Shit.

Of course the first words out of this Woman mouth is asking How am I doing? I said sarcastically that I’m at a goddamn Doctor’s Office so anyway you look at it its shitty.  She then tied to asses the situation as to what I the Patient was getting so wound up by/about.

I tried to reel Myself back in, but I could feel My Rational Thought giving way to Intense Emotion, but I started getting all tripped up (and a tad bit tongue tied) which only served to make shit worse.

Then I simple thought to Myself why am I struggling to stay Sane? Fuck It. Let Go. BE BRUTALLY HONEST no matter what DO NOT HOLD BACK.

And then the Shit Storm hit the Fucked Up Fan.

I hate when People say after these situations “Oh Thats Not Who I AM Anymore, Thats Not Me, I USED to be like that etc” BULLSHIT. Even if You’ve done Your due Diligence and corrected the particular issue You may be having YOUR STILL YOU.

YOUR STILL THE SAME PERSON, YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Anyway I don’t exactly know what happened over the course of the next few minutes as I was busy relishing the chaos I was creating by deliberately CHOOSING to be a Absolute Asshole.

I remember something about yelling at My Wife “See this is what the fuck I’m talking about, this bullshit right fucking here, WHAT THE FUCK is this Shit?!”. Then there was a Barrage of F-Bombs. I was dropping them like I was Invading the fucking Exam Room.

Then things quieted down as I stopped to catch My breath, My Wife Held Her Own, and The Nurse Practitioner was trying to figure what the fuck She had unknowingly just walked into.

The Nurse Practitioner was the first one to break the extremely brief silence by say that if I calmed down and did as asked I wouldn’t have too see the twats for a year or if I didn’t I’d have to see them every 6 Months.”

THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY RIGHT THEN.

I like everyone else I know DO NOT appreciate being TALKED DOWN TO in a CONDESCENDING MANNER AS IF I’M A FUCKING CHILD or A FUCKING IMBECILE. Doctor’s have developed this as way of dealing with Angry,Nervous, Anxious, Problematic, Combative, Fearful, Depressed by Talking Down to Them like Children.

Let me just take a second to say its even worse for Senior Citizens because EVERYONE talks to the Elderly like the Child Minded Morons. It as if People have come to believe at some age you automatically become a Senile Invalid. There is actually a fucking term for this its called “Elder Speak”, and is an acknowledged and rampant problem within the Healthcare System.

In all do fucking favor The Medical Community is actively eradicating the issue of insulting Elder Speak as its fucking Insulting, Rude, Ignorant, Humiliating, Degrading, Demoralizing, and Dehumanizing.

DON’T TALK TO YOUR ELDERS AS IF THEY ARE CHILD LIKE IDIOTS. REMEMBER THE REALITY OF THE IGNORANCE OF YOUTH. You aren’t Invincible and YOU WILL DIE. Grow the fuck Up.

Anyways again back to the Story. I as you may have imagined I immediately told Her “DON’T  fucking talk down to Me like I’m fucking some sort of fucking Idiot who fucking can’t fucking understand a fucking thing, I’M NOT A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD NOR A FUCKING IDIOT so stop talking to Me like I Am for fuck’s sake.

The Nurse Practitioner retreated then pausing at the door to tell Me to wait a little longer until some other assfuck comes in for some unnecessary shit. I looked at Her and asked if She was Stupid, Insane or Insanely Stupid?! At this point the question isn’t asked in Anger, but more Confusion.

I couldn’t for the fucking life of Me figure out WHY would She even think of asking Me to wait again wasting MORE of My fucking Time when I was already Pissed Off and not afraid to Show It Either.

Smartly before I could spit some more Venom Her way She just closed the fucking door. A moment later the Nurse Practitioner reopened the Door and told Me not to worry about whatever it was She had babbled at Me about.

I stood up instantly while slamming the chair I had been sitting  against the wall loudly. I then strode out of the Exam Room in about 2 strides out into the Hall. Due to being Angry Asshole I couldn’t figure out if Left or Right was the way out so I figured fuck it I have a 50/50 chance of being right.

I then realized I went the wrong way but had gotten turned around in the Labyrinth of a Office, and I had no real idea how to reach the exit. A Nurse came around the corner and almost banged into Me eliciting a “FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!”

Luckily for All I heard the Nurse Practitioner loudly informing Me where the door out into the waiting room actually was. I stormed out into the exam room giving My Patented “Say Something I’d Love To Violently Murder The God Living Shit Out Of You” Glare.

I of course have never seen this look and have tried to replicate it staring in mirror glaring at Myself like some sort of asshole. In the end though everyone says its never comes close to the Real Thing.

I truly hope someone at some point has the wherewithal to snap a picture with Their fucking Cell Phone because for Me its like hunting for Bigfoot while simultaneously BEING BIGFOOT.

Now by the time I hit the Exit door to Freedom I heard an Staff Member (Don’t know who/which as My back was to Them) ask bewilderedly where it was I was going. The Response They received as I answered over My shoulder not looking back was “As Far The Fuck Away From You Fucks As Possible.”

Fortunately for Me over the Last Year of Medical Madness managed to NOT act like an asshole for basically 11  Months out of 12 (The issue presented itself in Early January with almost Dying, and was Fully Under Control by Mid December after Second Surgical Procedure.)

BOTTOMLINE: If you have a Health issue be it Mental OR Physical AT LEAST TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR SHIT ALL THE TIME AND ACT THE ASSHOLE.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Hackers Can Go Hump Hitler in Hell.

Once again f-yourblog.com suffered another unfortunate set back. I was working on the GG Allin Pictorial when I went to open photos and the son of a bitch wouldn’t open. This had happened once before and it was easily fixed if by that you mean spending well over an hour on the fucking phone with Apple Customer Service Representatives.

So once again I had to grin and bare it and called Apple Customer Service.

The first Apple Representative  I spoke with unfortunately had one of the thickest Indian accents I have ever heard. I honestly could only make out about every third word, and had to constantly ask him to repeat himself. Finally we got to the point where all attempted communication had ground to a slow but definitive stop. By that I mean I couldn’t proceed to do a damn thing  because We had hit the point in the conversation where I had no idea whatsoever what the Guy was asking/saying/instructing me to do. After a couple of minutes of just simply telling the Representative repeatedly that “Its isn’t doing a damn thing!” we got disconnected. I think it is safe to assume the Representative had realized as I had that we could not go any further, and was getting tired of my growingly stand offish attitude. I can’t say I blame him for if he had stayed on the line with me it would have ended in a very ugly and obscene manner I assure you.

Now being thoroughly pissed off at the result of my first 40 minute failed phone call to Apple Customer Service I called them again immediately.

Now allow me a minute to explain that in these situations if the Customer Representative is Polite, Attentive, Apologetic (if need be), informative, up beat and helpful I guarantee it will be the most entertaining phone call that that they will receive all fucking Month. Yet if the Customer Service Representative sounds annoyed, bored, agitated, depressed doesn’t listen to what the hell I’m saying I guarantee it’ll be the most hellacious fucking phone call that they have EVER experienced. The reason for this is the Customer Service Industry is damn near dead as a door nail thats for fucking sure. I’m sick of having to call some 800 number to resolve a problem/issue and having to deal with some phone drones shitty attitude for god knows how long, BUT I digress.

Luckily for All the second Apple Customer Representative I spoke with was a very polite gentlemen named Isaac Internet.

Isaac Internet went on to inform me that the current issue wasn’t the same dippy dips hit as before and in fact its rather serious to say the least. Isaac went on to tell (and show me with the whole fucking screen sharing shit) that 11 fucking separate individual Assholes had been working on Hacking Our IP address, and had made it as far as shutting off our FireWall protection. Isaac explained the whole IP Address Hacking Threat in full from How It Works to How to Prevent it.

At one point Isaac “Momed” me. Isaac had identified the problem as being Hackers and all I gave a shit about was fixing the problem and preventing any future issues ASAP. I know what a Hacker is and what they do and what their looking for so I appreciated the tutorial BUT I didn’t want to hear a damn word of it right then, JUST FIX THE FUCKER. I laughed sarcastically at one point during Isaac’s Hacker/Hacking Lecture, and Isaac just like a Mom abruptly cut me off and sternly reminded me that this was a very serious situation and I shouldn’t think otherwise. Fuck it He was right. After Isaac’s impromptu Anti-Hacker/Hacking Speech we figured out a game plan and resolved the problem/issue so I can’t rightfully complain.

Now to be clear I am a rather paranoid person and I definitely don’t trust a fucking computer/Laptop/Smartphone/Tablet etc. in the least. At the end of the day as a habit I delete all the day’s texts, e-mails and recent phone calls I honestly don’t know when I started doing this but I won’t be stopping anytime soon. Its my utter distrust in the safety of todays electronic devices that more than likely saved our ass. See I don’t use my Smartphone as the wallet of today, that is there is no personal information on it to be hacked and stolen. If a Hacker did access my phone they’d be unamused and angry they wasted their time on a dead end. I also don’t carry around my Lap Top or Tablet like an electric brief case so again their’s no important personal information, no passwords, no record of Bank Transactions, no crucial business related items, no online bill pay, no Paypal account, no Facebook nothing an Identity Thief would give a flying fuck about.

You can use this Blog as a prime example of how I highly I prize and to what extent I will go to to hide y actual identity. Thats why there no actual pictures of me, my friends or family here, My name isn’t splattered all over the site because I personally don’t want to “Be Famous” or even well known OUTSIDE OF MY WORK. Thats why My Tech Paranoia carries over to this blog. That why I even wrote a post explaining my views on my personal Privacy/Anonymity. In that post I stated I am using a Pen Name as is everyone affiliated with or working for f-yourblog.com and thusly I would be changing the names of all people and places in every post, but not only that. I wasn’t going to half ass it I’m not calling Dave Donald or any simpleton shit I change the names to completely absurd ones that are totally unbelievable (as that is what they are intended to be.)

IN SUMMATION: ALL ASSHOLES WHO BECOME IDENTITY THIEVES THROUGH HACKING CAN GO SUCK SATAN’S BALLSACK, EAT THE DEVIL’S DICK, AND HUMP HITLER IN HELL.

TO ALL HACKERS: GO HACK YOURSELF UP YOUR OWN ASS AND FUCKING ROT INCASED IN YOUR OWN FUCKING FECES.

 

By Les “Than” Sober