Bitcoin – f-your blog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (35/365)

“So what’s the Deal with The Name and the Whole Bitcoin Bullshit about?!” asked Lee inquisitively.

“Well They picked the Name Ride because it Stays off People’s Radar. No One asks Questions. It’s the Hiding in Plain Sight Strategy. You see Everyone is more than Familiar with the concept of “A Ride” You Know?” answered Dizzy as He Riffled through His numerous Pockets to scrounge up the $4.37 for the 40s.

“Yeah I get it now. No One blinks when You say shit like “Thats My Ride” or “I got to call My Ride” because Ride is so utterly Generic No One Notices being Virtually Oblivious.” said Lee in a Slow Tone of Realization.

“So that’s explains the Name for You so what’s the Bitcoin Tie In about? Setting Up Ride so even in some INSANELY RARE OCCURRENCE an Asshole figures Out the Ride Name the Bitcoin is there as Back Up.” explained Dizzy plainly as He took several Prolonged Sips of His 40.

“What the fuck does that Mean? Back Up?! What kind of Back Up are You talking about specifically?!” said Lee in a Condescendingly Irritated Tone as He grew irritated by the Whole dragging out of the Conversation, and wished Dizzy would get to the fucking Point already.

“Alright fucking Relax You ass I’ll explain.,” said Dizzy with a rather Authoritative Tone, “It’s really quite Obvious Regular People Don’t deal in Bitcoin or Don’t know jack diddly shit about Bitcoin period or They deem Bitcoin Shady because of it’s Dark Web Association. So without Bitcoin You can’t use Ride.”

“Ok thats a Pretty fucking Smart Idea They came up with.” Said Lee with slight Admiration, “How fucking far is it until We get to Your Place it feels like We’ve been walking for fucking Ever and a Day.”

“Don’t be such a Drama Queen We’ll get there Soon Enough I assure You,” replied Dizzy nonchalantly.

The two continued Their on for a while in Silence as They made quick Work of Their 40s. Then all of Suddenly Dizzy grabbing Lee’s arm to get His Attention.

“Oh shit Look it’s fucking Dancing Dave!!” Dizzy blurted out in Drunken Excitement.

Lee Stopped and looked Diagonally across the Intersection at the Far Corner where Dizzy was Pointing Wildly. There on the Corner stood a Man dressed in a Navy Uniform, but not only that He also was wearing a Stereotypical Kitchen Apron along with a Old School Circa 1920’s-1930’s White Navy Cap. The Man appeared to be in His late 50’s to perhaps Early 60’s and was so Thin he looked a rather Sickly as He could weigh more than 90 pounds Soaking Wet. His skin was badly Weathered, and His Shoulders Hunched as He stood Slouching on the Corner as Still as a fucking Statue.

Dizzy again routed through His pockets until He located a handful of Spare Change which He searched through intently until He found a Couple of Quarters. Dizzy handed one of the Quarters to Lee without saying Why before He took His Quarter and lobbed it across the Intersection at Dancing Dave. The Quarter landed Unceremoniously at Dancing Dave’s Feet bouncing a couple of Times before finally coming to Rest.

Tune in for Next Weeks Enlightening Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (36/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (34/365)

“So Ride is Modeled exactly like fucking Uber or Lift, BUT it was Designed, Set Up, Run By, and is Specifically for Tech Guys, You know the So Called Nerds. The one thing Everyone knows about Nerds is that They are Painfully Socially Awkward and shit like that. They exited Their World to Walk in Ours and They fall Prey to the Alpha Mentality. The “Alpha Male” Theory was based on David Mech’s Research into the Social Structure of Wolf Packs.” Dizzy said as the Slowly Meandered down the Street.

“I’ve head of that,” replied Lee pleasantly surprised by the Conversational Topic, “That’s the Theory that the “Alpha Male” Wolf asters Himself over the Pack through Aggression, but Year Later it was Proved Mech’s Research was proved to be a Debunked Model of Lupine Social Groups.”

“Exactly My Friend Exactly. It turned out that with Further Study it turned out Wolves don’t really have Alpha Males or Alpha Females for that Matter. The Truth is it’s ONLY when Combined Different Wolves from Different Families (like in a Zoo for Example) will Fight Over Rank, and even then shit Calms Down once a New Family Structure is Established.” remarked Dizzy, ” My Point being Nerds being Socially awkward is the ENTIRE PREMISS for the fucking Big Bang TV Show, its become an ACCEPTED Sect of Society. I mean even the fucking Fashion World the Ones Who especially attacked Nerds over Their Fashion Choices has done a fucking 180, and is Now Embracing Nerds with that Nerd Chic Happy Horseshit.”

“Well some Cliches are Cliches because They’re Real, and this is a Perfect Example of That. The Cliche that applies to this Situation is If The System Fails You Then You Make Your OWN System I suppose.” Lee said earnestly as the Two of Them stopped Briefly to Buy a Couple of Hot-dogs and Beers from a Hot Dog Cart that was in Route.

“True so since Nerds truly Only feel Comfortable and at Ease around or with Other Nerds This Collective of Tech Nerds created a System that suited Them Perfectly. Uber started the the Public Taxi Trend if You will, but then it was Reported Uber shits on Their Drivers Like Pigeons on a Freshly Washed Car. Then Lift showed up and Stole Uber’s Business Model, and Got Known for being Very Cool to THEIR Drivers. Same Shit Different fucking Day.” Dizzy snarled through Bites of Hotdog and Sips of Beer.

“I hear You. I had some Asshole ask Me in all fucking earnest What the hell a My Space Page fucking was. I told the Fuck it was the Original Social Media Platform that FaceBook Stole for Theirs. Now FaceBook is Corrupt as Shit, Greedy as Hell, User Exploiting, Lying, Scheming, Billion Dollars Business, BUT it’s ass Addictive as Pain Killers. Fucking Facebook is the New Opium of the Masses They Know its fucked up as all get out, yet They can’t Stop Using It to save Their fucking Life.” responded Lee with the Greatest Disgust as Lee Personally Hated the Fuck outta FaceBook.

That’s All For Now, and Be Sure To Check Out Next Week’s Awe Inspiring Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (35/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:02 am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (33/365)

Suddenly Dizzy turned to Lee, and surprised the hell out of Him which was Rare as Lee wasn’t easily Surprised.

“You ever Notice how a lot of times Someone You know Dislikes or even Hates Some other Person until that Person Dies, and as soon as the Person is Dead They aren’t assholes anymore? It’s as if by Dying the Person in Question is immediately absolved of all Wrong Doings during Their Life, and the People who Previously Bitched, and Talked Shit about Them Now have Nothing but Respect and Reverence for the Deceased Who when Alive was the very Person They swore was the Bane of Their Existence.” said Dizzy matter of factly as He finished Beer Number 4, and Ordering Beer Number 5.

Dizzy waited for the Bartender to return with His Fresh Beer before inquiring “Hey You got shit to do Today or are You free to fuck around Town , and get into some type of Trouble?!”

Lee thought to Himself and realized that He didn’t have a damn thing to do so why not see where the Afternoon would take Him.

“I got some time to Hang Out’n see Whats What.” answered Lee earnestly as He shifted uneasily in His Seat. Watching People was Lee’s Forte, and Interacting with Them Tended to put Him on Edge at First due to His Serious Trust Issues.

“Alright Dope. I’ll call My Buddy over at the Shitty Theater and tell Him We’re leaving are Cars, and He’ll keep an Eye on Them so They don’t get Towed or Fucked With.” announced Dizzy quite Energetically before requesting to use the Bar’s Phone.

This struck Lee as very Peculiar since People Now a Days all Live in Constant Contact with the Aide of the ever Prevalent Smart Phones so using a Business’s Landline struck Lee as Note Worthy. While Lee pondered this newly discovered Oddity Dizzy was engaged in an Increasingly Loud and Aggressive Conversation with His Buddy at the Theater over the Car situation ending with Dizzy slamming down the Phone Receiver violently several times for emphasis.

“Fuck I can’t believe there are People Born who will never know the succinct Satisfaction of Hanging the fuck Up on Some Douche by Slamming Down the Phone Receiver. Anyway He said He’d watch the Cars, He was just being a real dick about it is all. He’s a Moody little Motherfucker. Goddamn Temperamental Artist Asshole.” snarled Dizzy Seething with Frustration and Simmering in Contempt.

“Alright,” Dizzy continued having gathered His composure from His perviously infuriating Phone call, “Do You have any Bitcoin? Unusual Question, but Ride only Takes Bitcoin that’s the only reason I’m asking.”

“No I don’t own any Crypo Currency because I really don’t see the Point. What I mean is I know what Bitcoin is right, and I know how You can buy It. Then it starts to get Shady because for one where the fuck can You spend it outside of The Dark Web? I can’t buy fucking food with it or Pay My fucking Bills with it so what the fuck is it good for exactly?! ALSO the one question NO ONE has been able to Answer is HOW THE HELL DO I CASH OUT?! Where and How can I convert My Bitcoin into Actual Physical Cash?!” responded Lee now finding Him to be the one getting all Amped.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK for the Next Breath Taking Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (34/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (Posted at 12:31am Sunday)

F to the U to the C to the K to the Part to the 2

Some say I had a chip on my shoulder in the womb.

Others believe I was born Angry from Day 1.

As soon as I entered the World I was Raging, Railing, and Rioting against it.

Confrontation Excites Me.

I’ve made arguing into an Art Form of Fuckery.

I make people think through changing Their Perspective of the Situation.

I win by always making an Intelligent Argument. Never argue like an Idiot. Never Argue from a point of Ignorance. Stupidity is Avoidable.

I was born a fighter, Live as a Fighter, and I will inevitably Die Fighting Waring to the last second of My Life.

I’m the kind of Person that people say “I hope in Death he finds the Peace he could never find in Life.” at their fucking Funeral.

And Thus The Fucks Continue undaunted…….

Fuck Steve Harvey. Fuck Bixby. Fuck Cortana. Fuck Supremacy.

Fuck Slavery. Fuck Human Trafficking. Fuck Airlines. Fuck Rental Cars.

Fuck a Duck. Fuck Jeff Sessions. Fuck a 2 Party System. Fuck a Suck.

Fuck Guy Liner. Fuck Skinny Jeans. Fuck Porn. Fuck Manscaping.

Fuck Emojis. Fuck James Woods. Fuck TGIF, Fuck The New Full House.

Fuck Murphy Brown Past and Present. Fuck Gastronomy. Fuck Bigfoot.

Fuck The Connors. Fuck Pesticides. Fuck Smoking Tide Pods. Fuck Veal.

Fuck Faux Gras. Fuck Juggalos. Fuck Dentists. Fuck Botox. Fuck Recycling.

Fuck Minimum Wage. Fuck The 40 Hour Work Week. Fuck Outsourcing.

Fuck Automated Messaging Systems. Fuck Pumpkin Beers. Fuck Lattes.

Fuck Jocks. Fuck Gyms. Fuck Orthodontists. Fuck Funerals. Fuck Pride.

Fuck Dating Sites. Fuck Playboy. Fuck Miata’s. Fuck Mid Life Crisis.

Fuck Declawing. Fuck Tail Docking. Fuck Geraldo Rivera. Fuck White Trash.

Fuck CGI. Fuck Comic Book Movies. Fuck Avatar. Fuck Micheal Bay.

Fuck JJ Abrams. Fuck Uwe Boll. Fuck Bjork. Fuck The WWE.

Fuck Satellite Radio. Fuck The UFC. Fuck The Confederate Flag.

Fuck Tyler Perry. Fuck Medea Movies. Fuck Conservatives. Fuck Infection.

Fuck Moby. Fuck Kanye West. Fuck Simon Cowell. Fuck Twitter.

Fuck Sexting. Fuck Trump Supporters. Fuck Bigots. Fuck Racists.

Fuck Ted Cruz. Fuck MAGA. Fuck Opulence. Fuck Strip Clubs.

Fuck Chris Angle. Fuck Ghost Adventures. Fuck Self Doubt. Fuck Me.

Fuck Excessiveness. Fuck Low Self Esteem. Fuck PETA. Fuck Sea World.

Fuck Circuses. Fuck Animal Abuse. Fuck Deforestation. Fuck Polar Bears.

Fuck Heart Throbs. Fuck Teen Idols. Fuck Rolling Stone. Fuck EDM.

Fuck DJ’s. Fuck Sckrillix. Fuck Limp Bizkit. Fuck Lincohn Park.

Fuck The KKK. Fuck Skinheads. Fuck Mel Gibson. Fuck White Power.

Fuck Black Friday. Fuck Apple Stores. Fuck Apple Geniuses.

Fuck The Super Bowl. Fuck The World Cup. Fuck The World Series.

Fuck Noisiness. Fuck Meditation. Fuck Yoga. Fuck Mabneste. Fuck NASCAR.

Fuck Hot Dogs. Fuck Head Cheese. Fuck Gas Station Sea Food.

Fuck Food Poisoning. Fuck Cinco De Mio. Fuck Flag Day.

Fuck Vick’s Vapor Rub. Fuck Old Wives Tales. Fuck Superstitions.

Fuck Road Rage. Fuck Expectation. Fuck Judgmental People.

Fuck Judgments. Fuck Price Gauging. Fuck Corporations. Fuck Hippies.

Fuck Democrats. Fuck Hilton. Fuck Logos. Fuck Branding.

Fuck Traffic Tickets. Fuck Incorporation. Fuck DUI’s. Fuck Pimps.

Fuck Poaching. Fuck Human Trafficking. Fuck Women Beaters. Fuck AMHA.

Fuck Guidance Councilors. Fuck Prejudice. Fuck Auto Correct.

Fuck The Cloud. Fuck Stereotyping. Fuck Candy Crush, Fuck Trivia Nights.

Fuck Genocide. Fuck Suicide. Fuck Arrogance. Fuck Pompous People.

Fuck Cockiness. Fuck Scremo. Fuck Smashing Pumpkins. Fuck Matt Soren.

Fuck Game Of Thrones. Fuck The Twilight Series. Fuck Authority.

Fuck Menstruation. Fuck Masturbation. Fuck Rim Jobs. Fuck Grievances.

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Fuck King Of The Road. Fuck Snitches. Fuck Rabies. Fuck Over Fishing.

Fuck BP. Fuck Oil Spills. Fuck “Hot Spots”. Fuck Night Clubs.

Fuck Standards. Fuck Tech Support. Fuck Regularity. Fuck Gossip.

Fuck High School. Fuck The TV Show Friends. Fuck Cartels. Fuck The NSA.

Fuck The 1%. Fuck Golf. Fuck Plagiarism. Fuck Wikipedia. Fuck PornHub.

Fuck Slut Shaming. Fuck Body Dysmorphia. Fuck The Kock Brothers.

Fuck Lines. Fuck Patience. Fuck Energy Bars. Fuck Spray On Hair.

Fuck Vanity. Fuck The Vain. Fuck Narcissism. Fuck Bernie Sanders.

Fuck White People With Dreads. Fuck Flesh Lights. Fuck the NSA.

Fuck The DEA. Fuck The Police. Fuck White People With Corn Rows.

Fuck Exclusion. Fuck Crowds. Fuck Unprofessional People.

Fuck Gym Teachers. Fuck Fruit Cake. Fuck Insincerity. Fuck Data Plans.

Fuck New & Improved. Fuck 4-6 Weeks For Delivery. Fuck Tracking Devices.

Fuck No C.O.D.’s. Fuck Minimum Spending Limit. Fuck Deductibles.

Fuck Out Of Pocket Expense. Fuck Out Patient Services. Fuck Mocktails.

Fuck Lawyer Ads. Fuck Oliver North. Fuck Pop Music. Fuck Swastikas.

Fuck Doc Martins. Fuck Cordless Phones. Fuck Flat Tires. Fuck Car Rims.

Fuck Fear Mongering. Fuck Shrinks. Fuck The Loch Ness Monster.

Fuck David Ward. Fuck Bluetooth Ear Pieces. Fuck Math. Fuck Isis.

Fuck David Duke. Fuck Rush Limbaugh. Fuck Perez Hilton. Fuck Art Thieves.

Fuck The Real House Wives. Fuck Malware. Fuck Megyn Kelly.

Fuck Innuendo. Fuck Rudy Guilliani. Fuck Laura Ingrahm.

Fuck Anabolic Steroids. Fuck Meth. Fuck Cocaine. Fuck Portland.

Fuck Sarah Silverman. Fuck Cover Charges. Fuck Rob Black. Fuck Junkies.

Fuck High School Reunions. Fuck Car Repairs. Fuck Raking Leaves.

Fuck Crackheads. Fuck Shoveling Snow. Fuck Deicing Your Wind Shield.

Fuck Angie’s List. Fuck Themed Cruises. Fuck Craig’s List. Fuck Google.

Fuck Tabloids. Fuck Paparazzi. Fuck The Phelps Family. Fuck Fear Tactics.

Fuck Hate Mongering. Fuck The Dark Web. Fuck Bitcoin.

Fuck Crypto Currency. Fuck Western Union. Fuck The Lottery. Fuck NJ.

Fuck Sweet 16. Fuck Dry Drunks. Fuck Time Shares. Fuck Celine Dion.

Fuck Over Hyping Shit. Fuck White Fear. Fuck Territories. Fuck Franchises.

FuckBigger Is Better. Fuck Name Brands. Fuck Flu Shots.

Fuck Scientologists. Fuck Elron Hubbard. Fuck Amorality.

Fuck Electric Bills. Fuck E Town. Fuck Sugar Ray. Fuck Instagram.

Fuck Vegan Food. Fuck Dietary Restrictions. Fuck Ruts. Fuck Subway.

Fuck Self Fulfilling Prophecies. Fuck Subscriptions. Fuck Megan Kelly.

Fuck Potholes. Fuck Government Cheese. Fuck Public Pools.

Fuck Gated Communities. Fuck Country Clubs. Fuck Obnoxiousness.

Fuck People Who Don’t Tip. Fuck Car Dealerships. Fuck Urinal Troffs.

Fuck Floyd Mayweather Jr. Fuck The Boy Scouts. Fuck Chain Letters.

Fuck Amway. Fuck Pyramid Schemes. Fuck Cheating. Fuck Aesthetics.

Fuck Morticians. Fuck Tank Tops. Fuck Disease. Fuck Champagne.

Fuck White Russians. Fuck Poker. Fuck Athletes Foot. Fuck Jock Itch.

Fuck Leeches. Fuck Ticks. Fuck Debt Collection Agencies. Fuck Wine Coolers.

Fuck Mosquitos. Fuck Hard Cider. Fuck Cockroaches.

Fuck Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Fuck Romantic Comedies. Fuck Tyler Perry.

Fuck Falsehoods. Fuck The High road. Fuck Ambercrombe Finch.

Fuck Strip Malls. Fuck Urban Sprawl. Fuck That’s Delicious. Fuck Nu Metal.

Fuck Glen Danzig. Fuck Allergies. Fuck Snail Mail. Fuck Tony Robbins.

Fuck People Who Don’t Pick Up Their Dog’s Shit. Fuck Pressure. Fuck Loss.

Fuck Migraines. Fuck Disrespect. Fuck Resentment. Fuck Weather Reports.

Fuck Fluff Pieces. Fuck The Food Pyramid. Fuck Editing For Time & Content.

Fuck The Movie Rating Board. Fuck Networking. Fuck Socialites.

Fuck LinkedIn. Fuck Speed Dating. Fuck 3.14. Fuck Smartphone Filters.

Fuck Posting Pictures Of Food. Fuck Aging. Fuck Beautiful People.

Fuck Youth. Fuck The Unwise. Fuck Fashion Designers. Fuck Fashion Week.

Fuck Paris. Fuck Aggression. Fuck Stress. Fuck Anxiety. Fuck Loneliness.

Fuck Valentines Day. Fuck Xanax. Fuck Trump’s EPA. Fuck Breast Cancer.

Fuck Liver Cancer. Fuck Adderall. Fuck Dr. Phil. Fuck Ephedra. Fuck Splenda.

Fuck The “Me, Me, Me!” Mentality. Fuck That We Are All Winners.

Fuck Energy Drinks. Fuck Monster. Fuck Redbull. Fuck The Supreme Court.

Fuck Oxycontin. Fuck Vicodin. Fuck Valium. Fuck Testosterone.

Fuck The Alpha Male Theory. Fuck Blame. Fuck Finger Pointing.

Fuck Perception. Fuck Totalitarianism. Fuck Communism.

AND MOST OF ALL FUCK YOUR BLOG.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Try Scamming Me & I’ll Royally Fuck Up Your Day PT. 2: Counterstrike

I left off explaining in the last post that some Absurd Asshole(s) had contacted via text about trouble processing my Health Insurance Payment that was a BLATANT SCAM. In stead of flipping out and going batshit crazy with rage/revenge I would try a different plan. Here is what I did.

I did some Bong Rips and began to think about a plan. Now not only did I want to piss the Scam Artist off as much as they had me I also wanted it to be fun to do. I ended up coming around full circle by selecting Text Messaging as my form of communication versus Cell Phone Call. If I had chose to call the number included in the Text I know what the fuck would have happened.

I would have simply lost my shit and started cursing out the guy on the other end of the phone. The swearing then would be followed by a slew of insults and then violent threats of bodily harm. I seem to have inherited my Father’s intense source of Anger. My motto in situations like this is if you try and fuck with me or fuck me over I will return the favor 100 fold, BUT I digress.

Then I concocted a phony Movie Company Called Von Dire Films. Now Von Dire I thought should be a scummy, underground, indie, sleazy, offensive, and troubling films with titles like “Corpse Farm: A Return to Flesh” or some weird shit like that. I then came to the conclusion that Von Dire Films was a Self Promotional Merchandise Super Sluts who TEX BOMB the Hell out of random people hoping to secure some new fans/customers.

Here are some examples of the Von Dire Film Solicitation Texts:

Text 1.

You have reached Von Dire Movie Production Company. Unfortunately We are having budgetary issues while shooting our new Movie in Borneo called “Skull Fucking Your Bloody Skull”. We will be out of the Country for Filming for the next 8 weeks. Please leave any and all contact information pertaining to the specified project at Our Dark Web Website VonDiresFuckedUpFilm.Org

So to Our Fans We say “Fuck Off We’re Filming” & “Adios Assholes” so Thank You for Your interest in Von Dire International Snuff Film Productions LLC.

Text 2.

Von Dire Banned Films That with Mindfuck you like a Lobotomy!!!

WWW.VDBF.ORG

SUPER SICK SALE ALL WEEK LONG!!!!!!!!

Text 3.

Von Dire Film “Cannibalistic Coitus” Nominated for the Underground Picture of the Year at Cannes!!! Now Only $29.99!!!

See Our Website on the Dark Web for further details!!!

STAY SICK CITIZENS!!!!!!

TEXT 4.

VON DIRE IS BACK! in the Celluloid Slaughter Business with his new demented movie “Meat Hook Justice” Coming to American Theaters Feb. 14th 2018! ADVANCE TICKETS Sales Available Through Our Dark Web Website. SO SIGN IN, SHOP, AND STAY SICK!

Text 5.

Von Dire’s Ferral Film Festival set for Bucharest Sept. 18th 2018!!!

Gorepon Group Packages Available on our DARKEST WEBSITE!

HURRY BEFORE THEY SELL OUT!!!!!

GOREPONS START AT 12,000 BitCoin (Purchaser must have a Valid

PayPal account at time of Purchase)

Text 6.

Gorepon the Groupon of Grizzly Gore has current Tour Packages of

Killing Christ’s Kingdom Studios

VERY LIMITED TIME ON ONLY!!! DON’T THINK BUY. BUY.BUY.

TEXT 7.

VON DIRE Sinful Spoken Wicked Word Tour COMING SOON!!

Check Out Our Deepest Dark WebSite for Upcoming Information!!!

Have Your check books ready!!!!

Text 8.

Von Dire Biography 4 Sale!!! “Bloody Genital Mutilation: My Life Growing Up in Antartica” ON SALE! LIMITED NUMBER PRINTED!

ORDER NOW,NOW,NOW!!! (Sale Price 165 Euros) !!!

All We need is Your Social Security Card Number for verification of Purchase!

Text 9.

Von Dire Films Presents Bloody Sod Bollock’s

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” Disturbing Documentary of Damnation

For Sale For LOW, LOW PRICE of 900 Yen!!!

All We Need is Your Debit Card Number and Pin Number!!!

Text 10.

Von Dire’s New Gothic Novel

“The Insurance Sucubus Slayer: Cannibalize The Conman”

Available now on BrutalBooks.Net for $49.99

All We Need is the Routing Number from a Personal Check!!!

Text 11.

Von Dire is Von Damit in “Demonic Dolphin Rape Cave 2”

Streaming on FuktFilms.Net for just the low price of $4.99 for

the 1st Minute and $2.99 each Additional Minute!!!!!

Text 12. “Lust and Lobotomies: The Jeffery Dalhmer Story” by Von Dire

Inspired by Real Life Insanity!!

Torn from the Headlines of Horror!!!!

On Sale Now For Just 17 Easy Payments of $59.99!!!!

Text 12.

Von Dire’s work will Haunt you!!!!

Check Out at Goddamn VOnDire.Org!!!

Text. 13

Von Dire Fan Club Enrolling NOW!!!

Von Dire’s Fan Club The Bloody Bastards has LIMITED OPENINGS!!!

Rare chance to become an actual Fan Club Member just Sign Up For

12 Months for $6,499.99!!!

9 Months for $4,995.99!!!

6 Months for $3,499.99!!!

3 Months for $1,499.99!!!

1 Month for just a mere $999.99

All You need to do is just send ALL Your Personal Banking Information to Us Via Our Deep Dark Dark Website!!

Text 13.

“Suck My Ass It Smells” the Von Dire GG Allin Punkumentary Slated for Release in FALL 2019!!! ADVANCE TICKETS FOR SALE!!!! BUY NOW!!!!!

Text 14.

It has come to Our attention that you haven’t purchased anything in QUITE A WHILE!

Please contact Us IMMEDIATELY with Your Credit Card Information Ready!!!

VON DIRE FILMS LLC “The Sickest Shit on Celluloid!!!”

Text 15.

WHY haven’t YOU visited Our Deep Website VonDire.Org Website??????

Please Stop and SHOP! SHOP! SHOP!

Deals! Sales! Discounts!! DOUBLE Fan Club Member Points!!!!!

Text 16.

It has come to the attention of Our Billing Department that You have an Outstanding OVER DUE Payment Pending for $749,999.99.

If You FAIL to contact us within 24 hours We will turn Your Current Past Due Amount over to The United States Federal Debt Collection Agency.

It be in Your Best Interest to CALL US TODAY and PAY Without Thinking or Questioning it. You can also Log Onto Our Darkest Website and SPEND the Equivalent on Merchandise.

Text 17.

You’ve been CAUGHT by MasterLock Security Monitoring Systems on Illegal Von Dire DarkWeb Movie sites.

These Sites contained depictions of Extreme Fetishes, Donkey Shows, Eating Feces, Platypus Rape, S&M&B&D&GT, Pygmy Gangbangs, Live Sex Acts preformed by Sea Monkeys, Defamation of the Dead, Necrophilia, HillBilly Incest, Cattle Decapitation, Sex with Star Fishes, Genital Mutilation, Uniques, Rectal Insertion of Foreign Objects, Triple Fisting, Nipple Clamp Carnage, Group Masturbation, Coffin Coitus, Blood Lust Orgies, Vaginal Vomiting, Testicular Torture, Midgets Running a Train on a WNBA Center, Amputee Stump Humping, Skull Fucking, Ejaculating Blood, Among Other Offenses.

If You Do Not PAY the Fine of $15,499.99 to Us in Target Gift Cards OR Cigarettes WE WILL REPORT YOU TO THE NSA IMMEDIATELY POST HASTE!

Text 18.

Cunt-Fart & The Rotten Peckers have just signed a contract to record the entire Soundtrack for Von Dire’s Short Student Art Film

“Sadistic Sex Slug Sodomy”

Release due February 1st at MIDNIGHT through Our Super Sick Website!!!

Members get unlimited listening!!!

So Send Us a Photocopy of Your Driver’s License and a Blank Persona Check or Debit Card!!!!

ONLY $975.99 While Supplies Last BUY NOW WITHOUT DELAY!!!!!!

Shitting and Fondling Included for an Additional Fee of $64.99!!!

Text 19.

Visit VONDIREMERCH.ORG(Y).NET NOW!!!!HURRY!!! GO!!!!

Discount Sale Starts This Friday at Midnight on Our Sick As Shit Website TODAY!!!

BE THERE YOU BASTARDS & BITCHES!!!!!

Text 20.

Authentic Bulgarian Bahhbahchoubpa Available TODAY!!!!

Grown EXCLUSIVELY at Von Dire Feral Farms in the Sunless Lithuanian Country Side!!

JUST A MEASLY $49.99 a Bushel!!!!! LOGON TO OUR Sinful Website for Purchasing Information TODAY!!!!!

Text 21.

Von Dire Office Yard Sale is going on this Weekend!!!!

This is YOUR rare and utterly exclusive chance as a Fucked Up Fan Club Member to PURCHASE SPECIAL MERCHANDISE ITEMS SUCH AS:

A Mason Jar of Von Dire’s Shaved Pubes, VD’s PERSONAL ANTIQUE Genital Torture Kit, VD’s diseased and stuffed Pet Electric Eel, VD’s office Urinal, The German Industrial Nipple Clamps from VD’s Outfit he wore to the Vomitous Awards in 1993, AND SOOOOO MUCH MORE!!!! LOG ON NOW LEMMINGS!!!

Text 22.

Von Dire’s Scummy Spoken Word Collection “Decade of Debauchery” consists of the 1979-1991 Spoken Word Tours of Guam. ONLY $99.99! LOG ON AND BUY NOW and BUY A COPY FOR A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER NOW!!

Text 23.

Von Dire’s Lost Movie has just been Found!!!!

“Cockring Carnival of Karnal Cock Carnage 1888”

One of Von Dire’s 1st Films found misplaced in the Lost Soul Studios’s Film Vault!!!! ONLY $179.99!

EXTREMELY LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! This is a one time 36 Hour Special Secret Sale!!! Buy Several Copies NOW!!!

Text 24.

Von Dire POP UP RESTAURANT The VD Clinic IS HERE Tonight!!!

Just a small fee of $299.99 Per Person and $499.99 Per Plate!!!!

Dinner Includes:

Specialty Corrosive Cocktails, 17 Course Dinner (with the Main Course Being Bison imported from the Croatia), Damnable Dessert, and Sinister Cigars served with 110 year old cognac from Turkey.

PLUS A SPECIAL SHOWING OF VD Video Productions Catalog BUT HURRY SALE ENDS IN 76 Minutes!!

Text 25.

BREAKING NEWS!!! THIS JUST IN!!!!

Von Dire Dick Pics Leaked on

HollywoodHardons.com!!!!!!

NOTE TO READER: The texts above were sent starting Monday 6:15 am and Wednesday 11:39am. That would have been the end of it, BUT on Wednesday at 2:47 pm The Absurd Assholes sent me yet ANOTHER TEXT. The text was the same deplete piece of shit cheap ass scam bullshit as the last previous 3. Thusly at 7:48 Wednesday I returned to my antagonistic ways.

Text 1.

“Throbbing Taints and the Shitty Assholes” a Film By the Legendary Deplorable Director VON DIRE is a Political Commentary Documentary on the current sate of political affairs throughout this Evil Earth. Von Dire has already announced He will be filming the sequel “TrumpFucker: A Legacy of Failure” solely focusing on Donald Trump.

ADVANCE COPIES AVAILABLE FOR 210 BITCOINS!! CHECK OUT OUR SICKLY WEBSITE!! SOONER THE BETTER, BUY NOW!!

TEXT 2.

“Crippled Faith” is a collection of Gothic Poems about Death and Desire by none other than VON DIRE’S Little Bastard Brother VAN DIRE!! The book was released by Putrid Publishing which is his Older Brother VON DIRE’s Publishing House known mostly for publishing “Necrophilia Noir” a instructional guide for beginner Necrophiliac.

AVAILABLE AT OUR WEBSITE!!!

All We Need is a photocopy of Your Personal Financial Statements such as Banking Statement, to Complete Your Purchase RIGHT FUCKING NOW BITCHES!!!

Text 3.

Von Dire’s band SlutFuck will be playing a limited number of secret acoustic Tour all during the month of March.

DON’T MISS SLUTFUCK’S “EATING THE ASS OUTTA A DEAD DINGO” TOUR

WHERE WILL THEY BE PLAYING YOU ASK???!!

Log On to Our Wretched WebSite where You and Your Friends can PURCHASE CLUES to help You to locate a Secret Show NEAR YOU!!

The Cost Per Clue is Only $29.99!!! ACT NOW, BUY NOW!!!!!!

Text 4.

Cocktails To The Tits: A Von Dire Meet & Greet scheduled before the debut of VD’s most recent Diseased Film “The Cyclops: Cycle of Shitty Sex, Unbearable Sin, and the Abominable Aftermath”

Saturday Midnight Showing down at The Barfly Lounge!!!

Meet & Greet Passes $349.99 and Film Tickets for ADDITIONAL $74.99!!

Call The BarFly Lounge For Details RIGHT FUCKING NOW BABY!!!

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“Zombie Hooker Handjobs” a Sick Flick by One of the most despised film makers in MOVIE HISTORY Von Dire’s Eldest Son Vin Dire!! COMING SPRING 2019!!!

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“The Scumfuck Tradition & Legendary Luridness”

Von Dire’s FAMOUS AWARD WINNING ROCKUMENTARY chronicles Iconic Underground Hardcore Porno Punk Bands Such as the Following:

The Fuck Me Pumps, SlutFucker ( a SlutFuck Tribute Band), Slore, The Shitty Shitty Gangbangers, Agent Alien Anal X, The Prolapsed Rectums, Anti-All, Puss Buster, Rectal Invasion, Muff Diver & The Bull Dykes, Fighters and Fuckers, The Les Sober Scumbag 6, The Gash, Up To The Nuts In Guts, The Young Cocksmen, Hairy Clam and The Beavers, Death To Dipshits, Fuck Your Face, Mr. Fister, Cunt-Fart, Mangled Manginas, Vag The Impaler, Manstruation, The Salty Yogurt Slingers, Molested Melvin, The Perv’s, Rectal Leakage, The Bastards, and MANY MORE!!!!

Just Send Us the Deed to Your House as Payment!!! Purchase NOW!!!

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Von Dire Presents “Disemboweling The Dead” a Perverse Film from Celluloid Sinn with LIMITED SHOWINGS AVAILABLE NOW STREAMING ON OUR SINFUL WEBSITE!!!! ONLY $197.60!!! ACT NOW!!!

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The Sultan of Slaughter, The Duke of The Damned, The King of Corpses, The Barron of Blood, The Price of Perversion, The President of the Perverse, The Prime Minister of Sinister VON DIRE RETURNS AFTER 2 YEAR ABSENCE!!!!!

“Mouth Full of Maggots” is Von Dire’s Return to the Wretched Movie!!!

Already Banned in 49 States and 42 Countries World Wide!!!

Available in 90 Days for $129.99 or an Advance Copy for just $119.99!!!

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The Von Dire Movie “Gargling With Broken Glass” is now available fully remastered in GORE VISON !! Available Now For $665.99!! Gore Vision Glasses NOT INCLUDED! Gore Vison Glasses SOLD SEPARATELY and can be PURCHASED for $349.99!!!

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The Satanic Semen Society to induct Infamous Film Maker VON DIRE into the Sleaze Hall Of Fame on Julember 32nd!!! Watch the Induction on PPV On Demand for $49.99 or Stream it LIVE on our Sinister Website for $74.99!!!!

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BREAKING NEWS!! YUGOSLAVIAN FILTH FILM DIRECTOR VON DIRE!!!

VON DIRE was Arrested and charged with Crimes Against the Indigenous People of PogoPogo while filming his latest movie

“The Bloody Savages of The Flesh Forrst”

Stay Up To Date on this SHOCKING News Story by Subscribing to Our NEW YOURUBE Channel for a Low Monthly Charge of $79.99!!

WTF R U WAITING 4?!!

That My Readers is where it has ended for now, and We will have to wait and see if this situation will continue in the near future/future.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober