Back when I was growing up in a shitty little town (in an even shittier little state) there was a Hess Gas Station that I visited quite frequently. Out of all of the usual Gas Stations Hess always had the cheapest Gas in town hands down. Are there even Hess Stations anymore? No Really I can’t remember for the life of Me when the last time I saw a Hess Station. I know the Christmas Hess Truck is still some sort of tradition deal, BUT you don’t need Gas Stations to manufacture a Toy Truck once a year.
Now I lived in one of those states that thinks its Residents are too stupid to know how to pump their own gas. There was this Hess Gas Station Attendant that worked at there that went by the name Lazlo. Lazlo was a young white guy with long black hair (a couple years older than Me) with the classic slacker mentality.Lazlo was an extremely nice guy who always seemed to be smiling in a “Cat That Ate The Canary” type manner like a mischievous child. I have no idea where Lazlo came from so to speak as I have said I grew up in a small ass town so everybody pretty much knew everybody else if they liked it or not. All anyone basically knew was his name and that he worked at Hess. Nobody seemed to know any other details about Lazlo no last name, no actual age, school he went to, if he had siblings, where he lived etc.
One fine Summers day The Arminian and I picked Spacedog up, and We hit up Hess since I needed gas and Hess was located just a round the corner from Spacedog’s. When We pulled in and up to the pump We saw Lazlo coming out of the office towards us at a vigorous clip with His trademark sly smile. We got out of the car as We usually did when Lazlo was working because he was a cool guy to just hang out and shoot the shit with. I walked around to the back of the car where Lazlo was standing next to the car beside the gas pump as it whirred and thumped gallon after gallon into My so old its almost legit “Classic” first car.
It was then that for the first (and only) time Lazlo asked Me if I could score him some Weed, and I told Him sure it be no problem. I then asked Him what amount was he looking for in particular, and Lazlo reached up grabbed His Hess employee jacket which was apparently being used to conceal something. He turned around and placed his jacket on the trunk of my car and opened it as he answered My previous question by answering this much. I looked down and saw the biggest fucking bag of buds that I had ever seen put to that point in My life, if I had to guess it was a very generous QP (quarter pound) or perhaps a QP and a half (6 Ounces total). Now like I said this was more Marijuana then I was accustom too as the most I had ever dealt with was an Ounce before.
I looked back up at Lazlo who was grinning from ear to ear utterly delighted that his surprise had worked so well. I just stood there in a state of awe until Lazlo told Us to come by later in the evening and He’d smoke us out so obviously We said hells yes. It was around 8 pm or so once We returned to the Hess Station to take Lazlo up on his offer. Lazlo again came out to meet us, instructed us where to park, and then We followed Him into the Hess Station. There was a small area with racks of oil, air freshners, AntiFreeze, wind shield wiper fluid, and other auto odds and ends with a cash register that had Maps of the State on the counter next to it. We walked back into the Office which was a 10″ by 8″ room that housed a beat 1970’s office desk, crappy old office chair, phone, and a couple of run down filing cabinets that looked as if they had been thrown down a flight of stairs. There wasn’t a Computer because they hadn’t become the omnipresent force that they have become over the last 20 some years.
Lazlo plopped himself in the chair behind the desk and brought out the big bag of buds, and started packing a fat ass Dime Bag into a corn cob pipe (Yes a strait out of fucking Tom Sawyer and shit), and as rather confused by this as We were nobody called attention to or questioned it We just went with it. The 4 of us smoked continuously for over an hour, We hot boxed the absolute holy hell out of that office. The Smoke hung thick in the air as We had to duck our heads and squint to see one another. At last We said fair well to Lazlo and thank you for the generous smoking session as We piled into My car. Lazlo said to come back and see Him again and We drove off into the night words home.
We never saw Lazlo again after that night. When We did return to the Hess station a few days later We asked the Attendant working When Lazlo would be working, and he said Lazlo had been taken off the schedule but didn’t know anything beyond that. Obviously in all likelihood Lazlo got fucking fired for smoking pot at work in the Boss’s office. I like to think though that Lazlo returned to the Parallel Dimension from whence he came. That or that He sat in the office for the rest of that fateful night and smoked Himself out of existence all together.
Thanks for READING,
Les Sober 