Tag: blood of Christ

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

              

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

              

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”???  We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

               

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

                

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

               

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

              

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

           

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

              

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

               

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

           

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By    Les Sober & Spacedog 

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (27/365)

The Performer Guy  held the Christ like Pose for a few seconds before breaking into a full blown Gregorian Chant. Lee found it admirable that the Performer knew Latin since who the fuck spoke Latin as it had already been  declared a Dead Language?! Once the Performer was finished singing He placed the Hammer down laying along the 2 by 4 with a Bizarre Ritualistic sense of Reverence.

Next the Guy retrieved an Old Beaten Up Bible, and a Rickety Music Stand from behind the wings. He opened the Bible to a Pre Marked Page, and started to Read the part of the Bible about The Last Supper  in a Booming (almost Sing Song like) Baritone. Just as Lee was entertaining the idea of a second Bathroom break things started to pick up.

        

The Preformer started to speak Faster, and Faster like an Auctioneer on Crack Bender as His words began to Blur together Indecipherably. As He was reading at this point the Performer reached down and extended the bottom part of His Foreskin. He then held the section of His Foreskin in place using the insanely sharp looking Tip of the Massive Looking Nail.

Suddenly the Performer screamed out “THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!” like His fucking Life depended on it. This Snapped the Meager Audience back to Reality. As soon as He finished the word Christ the Performer picked up the 5 pound Hand Held Sledgehammer in His right Hand, Raised it High over His head, and then He brought it down (with all the might He could Muster) onto the Head of the Nail in one swift Blow. The Hammer struck the Nail with the loud Metallic Twang of Metal meeting Metal head on. The Nail Plunged almost all the way through the fucking 2 by 4 .

        

It was then that 3 of the 11 Audience Members present got up and left looking repulsed and pissed at the same time. Lee figured this Performance was like the others designed as an over the top Circus of Shock and Awe. And Lee would be damned if He was going to be the so called first on to flinch. This was an Abrasive Performance Art Showdown, and Lee was about to fucking loose.

The Performer returned to Reading about the Last Super from the Old Beaten Up Bible. This time His speech sped up much faster than the last time around, and Lee figured thats the way it is when you just impaled your Penis in front of a fucking Live Audience. As the Performer was building up Steam a Stage Hand in a Slayer T-shirt not so subtly snuck out and handed the Performer a Regular Standard Household Hammer.

        

This time the Performer Screamed Out “THE BLOOD OF CHRIST!” before taking the Claw of the New Hammer, and Violently Pried  the Nail out of the Board and His Foreskin. As soon as the Nail exited His Flesh a fucking torrent of blood came gushing forth like somehow His dick had been transformed into a fucking Fire Hose it was truly unreal.

The Performer jumped back from the 2 by 4, and took His fucked up Foreskin and tried to pull it over the head of His cock. This looked to Lee like  a strange attempt to stop the Profuse Amount Bleeding by turning His cock into an impromptu Water Ballon of sorts. Maybe the first thing the Performer (being uncircumcised) though of when looked down at His Bloody Bellend the first thing that popped into His head was Sausage. And thusly He was trying to use His Foreskin to create a kind of Casing if You will. Aside from the Odd Reasoning behind the Weiner wrapping idea it also was failing to work as copious amounts of Blood was being Splattered all over the fucking Stage at this point.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Stellar Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (28/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Intoxication or Insanity a Text Conversation with SpaceDog & Les Sober

 

LS: Ever feel the urge to ask a woman if her husband “wants to fuck her in the ass as the norm or REALLY into Pegging because he’s obviously gay and isn’t fooling anyone but you.

SD: What like a random ass woman? Like the cashier at ShopWrong I should just go up to and ask that? IDK I convinced some straight guy to finger himself once while rolling, but didn’t think he was all that gay. Sadly for me he did it in the bathroom and was not into exhibitionism.Idk don’t some straight guys prefer the ass? Isn’t that the preferred hole for all those evangelicals you got down there? Gotta save myself for jesus.

LS: Random or not. Lmfao Thats what Molly gets you fingering your own ass. The anti drug whores should put that in their Ads. Then what was the point? All bathroom, no exhibition?!Straight guy ass play is based on basic on a biological fact meets homophobia. The fact remains stimulating the prostate will make you cum hard.

SD: Idk I’m no Zac Efron I can’t get the whole world to get naked for me.

LS: Zac Efron can do that?

SD: Idk I’m just randomly throwing out a random guy on my top 10 list. I’m in a caffeine induced rage right now. The point of which to get so restless with everything I’m currently doing to be blown to smithereens.

LS: TOP 10 Casey Kasem. Oh shit that’s the top 40 Lmao. RIP HUGH HEFNER, RIP TOM PETTY, RIP CHUCK WOOLERY.

SD: Whose the last one the game show host?

LS: Yep game show guy way old school shit 70’s.

SD: I forget who was doing the top 40 now it was someone I thought you would find amusing. It wasn’t Ryan Seacrest it was a former celeb more along the lines of Screech. Bob Barker is the last of the game show glory days era and I guess you can count Betty White too, I remember seeing her a lot of reruns of shit.

LS: I heard Ryan Seacrest is producing high end fetish porno. Screech does gay porn he’s  the power bottom geek chic. God Bless Betty Fucking White!!

SD: He seems the type that would have a super hairy asshole riddled with dingleberries.  Also on a completely unrelated note if you don’t hear from me in a timely manner I’m likely dead. I just had a pork roll sandwich stuffed with bacon and mayo.

LS: 1970’s hairy buttcrack bush. Lmfao that sounds absolutely delicious. I think female ejaculation is a bullshit reason to piss on someone. Squirt in the dirt really.

SD: Is that what Wifey tells ya?

LS: Own observations, people watching is a hobby of mine. Sociology always interested me and shitty shit shit.

SD: Is it me or is there seriously like another 100 emojis more overtime my phone updates?!

LS: Its not you its true. Emojis are trending harder than a priests cock during Sunday  School, no emoji for that yet.

SD: I love people watching. But only wild people in their natural habitat like bars. In the wild I more enjoy watching wild animals.

LS: WTF is up with ball bag bleaching??! Bars are prime people watching spots for sure.

SD: I never heard of that. I’m surprised they don’t have carbon dioxide shots in your dick if you want it more pink and aryan. Kinda like how they inject beef with that whizz.

LS: 3rd Reich Erection. Ground Beef Injections?!

SD: I would get my anal bleaching, but no one has ever ate my ass and said you have a pitch black asshole or nothing.

LS: I heard saline solution administered to the scrotum for fetish purposes.

SD: That sounds like dick torture.

LS: Actual asshole racist! LMFAO! I heard of using snake poison extraction suction cups to enlarge nipples.

SD: Some guys have multi colored dicks. I heard of mayo for that, nipple enlargement.

LS: Great name! Knock Knock. Who’s there? DETECTIVE DICK TORTURE SUCKER.

 

SD: It was on love phones though and it was like dr. Ruth it was some bitch calling in.

LS: I seen multi colored dicks in porn over the years and what the fuck is up with that shit?!

SD: My sister and I used to listen to that to learn about sex cuz its not like we were taught much in school.

LS: Alopecia of the Penis???

SD: Idk this Italian kid was friends with it was like half brown and half albino LOL.

LS: School was “Don’t touch each others crotches or you’ll get pregnant and contract every STD known to man.” How does that combo work exactly? Brown Vs. Albino in the War of the Weiner?!

Sd: Idk I didn’t sample the products just seen at nude beach. I was very proud of my body and blood of CHrist with a penis and xmas tree earlier.

LS: LMFAO! Brilliant!

SD: I think I’m gonna make a Twitter that uses only emojis if I get so bored after my game time runs out.

LS: I’m going to save this shit and consider posting it tomorrow. Not a shabby idea with time run out.

SD: No problem with me. As long as I don’t have to eat them mango hoagies I’m fresh.

LS: WAWA of the Damned, Hell’s Hoagies, Satan’s Sandwich, Demonic Deli Delights, Night of the Living Dead WAWA, Texas Chainsaw WAWA!!!!

SD: I’m gonna make a hoagie with prune spread for my enemies. Accept I’m gonna forget to buy the prunes and just spread my baker chocolate shit on them.

LS: Shit Sandwich! Enemies EAT SHIT! Rectal Revenge! Anal Apocalypse! Sphincter Slaughterama! Reconstructed Asshole 8?! It is what it is.

SD: The All Anal shopping network specializing in dildoes, laxatives, and small rodents.

LS: So if your a cannibal being told to eat a dick isn’t a bad thing? ASN Channel 976.

END TEXT TRANSMISSION.

This post is indicative of f-yourblog switching its format. We are going to be ourselves without pulling punches, biting tongues, beating around the bush or sugar coating shit.

We are by nature Obscene, Insane, offensive, insulting, Brutally Honest, In your face and up your ass, but most of all We don’t care about rules, limitations, regulations or codes of conduct, We embrace Anarchy not Assholes.

Thanks for The Read and Hope You Have the Balls To Come back.

Les Sober