Tag: blunt

Quick Quiz Could Change Your Reality

Hello Reader(s),

If You opt to take the following Quiz Please follow these Guidelines:

  • Take Your Time. This isn’t some Convoluted Cosmo Quiz.
  • Think Over Your Answers. Question Everything.
  • BE HONEST. This is not some piece of Fluff Post.
  • This Quiz Could Alter Your Perception of Reality, The World, Humanity, Your Friends, Your Family, Coworkers, Significant Others, Neighbors, The Universe, Yourself, or Life & Death Permanently.
  • Pictures Have Been Added For The Purpose of Stimulating The Your Pre Frontal Cortex While Taking The Quiz.

For those reasons the ANSWER KEY won’t be Posted for a couple to a few Days as again it pays dividends to TAKE YOUR TIME, BE SURE OF YOUR ANSWERS, and BE HONEST (Otherwise Your Only Going To Fool Yourself, and the Quiz will be NULL & VOID.

   

1. Would You Ever Buy Something Off The Dark Web?                                                 A. Sure Why Not?!                                                                                                                        B. No Seems Like A Bad Idea.                                                                                                C. OH HELL YEAH, I’m An Asshole Who Lives Dangerously and Has No Fear Of Death!                                                                                                                                       D. OH HELL NO, I Don’t Want End Up In Prison.

2. Even If Its Prepared Correctly By A Master Sushi Chef Japanese Blow Fish or Fugu still has a 1 in 66 chance of Death When Eaten. Would You Ever Try Fugu?                                                                                                                                              A.  Yes I’ve Heard Its Tasty.                                                                                                    B.  No Thanks I Don’t Have a Death Wish.                                                                      C. I Know What Fire IS So I Don’t Eat Raw Fish. I’m An Asshole.                         D.  What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Red Lobster?!

3.When You Go To The Adult Store Do You…                                                                 A. Buy Something.                                                                                                                     B. Look Around Briefly And Leave.                                                                                    C. Realize You Could Have Done Your Adult Shopping Online.                             D.  I Don’t Indulge In Any Porn or Adult Store Merchandise, and I’m a Lying. I’m an Asshole.

     

4. What Kind of Pet Person Are You?                                                                                A. Rodents (Rats, Mice, Gerbils, Hamsters, Guine Pigs) Because I Forgot About The Black Plague                                                                                                          B.  Dog, Their Mankind’s Best Friend For A Reason.                                                 C.  Cat, They Were Worshiped Egyptians and They Had Pyramids so Thats Cool..                                                                                                                                               D. Fish. I’m a Simple Person Keeping It Simple.                                                          E. Bird. I’m a Masochist.                                                                                                         F. Reptiles. Dinosaurs Baby, Living Fucking DINOSAURS!                                     G. Unconventional (Pot Bellied Pig, Miniature Goat, Tarantulas, Scorpions, Hedgehog etc. I Was Born Without A Identity so Now My Identity Is My Pet. Also I’m An Asshole.

5. What Kind Of Motor Vehicle Is Your Type “Dream Car” ?                                  A. Sports: Speed Kills So Lets Die Fast!                                                                            B. SUV: I’ve Always Wondered What It Be Like To Be a Godzilla Sized Asshole.                                                                                                                                          C. Luxury: I’m a Rich Fat Bastard, and I Want The World To KNOW IT!          D. Truck: Bigger The Truck Littler The Man (Height and Penis)                         E. Motorcycle: Because Car Crashes Can’t Kill You Fast Enough.                         F. Moped/Scooter: I Like Motorcycles, But I’m Too Scared To Own One.

6. What Is Your Preferred Type/Style of Music?                                                          A. Heavy Metal: What I’m Middle Aged and Nostalgic.                                            B.  EMO: I’m Dark, Brooding, Deep and Clinically Depressed.                              C. Classic Rock: I’m a Hippy Hangover From 1969.                          D.Death/Black Metal: We Are All Going To Hell & I Have The Soundtrack!     E. Folk: I’m Heavily Medicated.                                                                                           F. Jazz: I Like Things That Sounds Like Schizophrenia Put To Music.              G. Pop: I’m a Mindless Commercial Lemming.                                                           H. Classical: I Like To Think I’m An Intellectual, I Listen To NPR.                      I. Punk: I Refuse To Admit Punk IS DEAD.                                                                       J. EMD: I’m a Bot.                                                                                                                      K.  Country: I Don’t Mind The Hypocrisy and Commercialism because I Like Horses and Playing Cowboys and Indians.                                                                     L. Talk Radio/Podcasts: I Didn’t Understand The Question, and I’m an Asshole.  

      

7. When Its Comes To Social Media Do You………                                                         A. I Check Once and a While, I Like Keeping Tabs On Shit.                                     B. I Check It Frequently and Often Because I Need To Stay In The Loop.          C. I Check It  CONSTANTLY I CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS A GODDAMN THING  D. I LIVE in Social Media, I’ve Fully Exited Physical Reality                                  E. I DON’T Check Because I Enjoy My Real Actual Life. Shove Second Life Up Your Avatar’s Ass.

        

8. What Kind Of Movies Do You Prefer To Watch?                                                      A. Horror: I’m a Sick and Twisted Little Puppy                                                            B. Action: Lets Blow Some Shit Up Already!                                                                  C. Drama: Because Life Doesn’t Have Enough Drama For Me.                              D. Foreign: I’m Profound & Worldly.                                                                                E. Rom-Com: Sometimes I Need a Break From Eharmony.                                    F. Documentary: Fuck Fiction I Want to Know What Is Really Going On in The World. Fiction, Save That Shit For Mordor.                                                          G. Mockumentary: Fuck Facts I DON’T Want to Know Whats Really Going On.                                                                                                                                                   H. Comedy: The Laugh More, Live Longer Philosophy                                              I. Thriller: I Like Being Scared, BUT I Can’t Handle Hardcore Horror.               J. Rockumentary: I Don’t just Want To Listen To Bands I Want To Know All The Behind The Scenes Shit Too!    

        

9. When I Drink I………                                                                                                             A. Shots! Shots! Shots!                                                                                                            B. Break Out The Beer Bong and Lets Party.                                                                  C. Have a Glass Of Wine With Dinner.                                                                              D. Have A Few Beers To Unwind After a Long Day.                                                     E. Go To The Bar and Shut That Fucker Down.                                                              F. Binge The Frat Life and I’m an Asshole.                                                                    G. Responsibly                                                                                                                            H. Like Theres NO Tomorrow and I Have A Hallow Leg.                                            I. Drink Like My Name IS Andre The Giant.                                                                    J. Drink Night and Day Because I’m an Alcoholic.                                                      K. Drink Cocktails Because I like To Classy Up My Boozing.                                  L. I Don’t Drink because I’m probably a fucking Alien.  

10. Where Do You Aquire Your Pornography?                                                               A. YouPorn.Com                                                                                                                         B. PornHub.Com                                                                                                                        C. Alternate Free Pornography Site.                                                                                  D. I Pay For My Porn Sites Like An Asshole.                                                                   E. Offline. I’m a Dinosaur and Still By Porno Magazines because I Like Reading The Articles.  

11. When It Comes To Trends I………                                                                                  A. Follow Blindly Like a Sheep.                                                                                            B. Make Sure I Conform To The New Trend WHILE Claiming Not To Be a Trend Follower.                                                                                                                          C. Follow Half Heartedly.                                                                                                       D. I Live To Trend, I’m a Hipster Asshole.                                                                      E. I DEPEND ON TRENDS I wasn’t Born With A Personality So I Need Trends To Define Me.                                                                                                                              F. Trends Are For Twats. I’m Not a Twat.

        

12. When I Smoke Marijuana I………                                                                                   A. Puff, Puff, Pass                                                                                                                      B. Break Out The Bong and Bomb it Like Bagdad.                                                       C. Smoke Straight To The Head By Myself.                                                                    D. Call My Friends and Bust Out The Bag/ Bust Out A Bag.                                     E. Smoke The Whole Bag From Beginning To End in One Sitting Like a Super High Hedonist.                                                                                                                            F. Wake And Bake BABY!                                                                                                           G. Smoke Socially because Hey Its Free.                                                                         H. Smoke Until I’m SO STONED I have To Hold Onto A Blade Of Grass To Keep From Falling Off The Planet.                                                                                      I. Smoke Like I’m Giving Cheech and Chong a Run For Their Money.                J. Smoke Like My Names Doug Benson.                                                                          K. Smoke Like a Chimney                                                                                                       L. Smoke Like I’m Trying To Smoke Colorado Dry.                                                  M. Smoke To Unwind After Work.                                                                                     N. 24/7 Like Snoop Dog.                                                                                                         O. Smoke Until The Tellitubbies Talk To Me.                                                                P. Smoke and Run Up a $600 GrubHub Bill                                                                   Q. Smoke Old School and Roll Up A Joint                                                                        R. Smoke New School and Roll Up a Blunt.                                                                     S. I Don’t Smoke Weed I Vape it and lecture People Who Didn’t Fucking Ask How Much Better It Is For You Than Smoking Weed. I’m a Self-righteous Asshole.                                                                                                                                         T. I Smoke SO MUCH Weed I Forgot How Much I Actually Smoke.                     U. I Don’t Smoke Weed and I’m Lying.

13. Air Guitar  OR Air Drums?                                                                                               A. Air Guitar: I Mean They Based The Widely Popular Video Game Rock Band Game on The Principle Of Air Guitar!                                                                               B. Air Drums: You Wanna Really Rock, DRUM SOLO!                                                C. Air Harpsichord: I’m an Asshole                                                                                   D. I play a REAL LIFE Drums/Guitar/Other Actual Musical Instrument.   

14. When It Comes To The Government I Believe………                                             A. Love Those Bastards, Good Job and Wouldn’t Change a Thing.                      B. Its a Necessary Evil                                                                                                              C. Its Time For a REVOLUTION.                                                                                          D. The System is Broken as Fuck, Scrap Current Model and Start Over.           E. Fuck Big Brother Period.                                                                                                    F. ANARCHY Live Free & Die Free.

    

15. When I Gamble I………                                                                                                        A. Play It Safe, And Stick To The Slots Like a Senior Citizen.                                 B.  I Set a Budget Before Hand, and Then Let The Chips Fall Where They May.                                                                                                                                                 C. Play Fast and Loose Because You Only Live Once so Fuck Consequences.  D. Play Like Your Auditioning For The World Series of Poker.                              E. Until I pass Out Or Puke From All The Free Fucking Drinks.                             F. I Don’t Gamble Probably Because I’m an Asshole.

    

16. When It Comes To Racists I Believe                                                                           A. Whole Heartedly In The 1st Amendment.                                                                  B. They’re Good People, and I’m a Trump Loving MAGA ASSHOLE.                  C. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion.                                                                       D. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion Even if Its Being a Bigot.                     E. Racists Are Fucking Scumbags                                                                                       F. My Favorite Game Is “PUNCH A NAZI”

17. When It Comes To Religion I Believe………                                                               A. There Is a God and We Should fucking FEAR HIM!                                               B. The Bible is a Moral/Ethical Historical Handbook Full Of Valid Advice.      C. God MIGHT Be Real So Better Play It Safe, and Go To Church.                        D. Heaven Or Hell Religion Doesn’t Matter To Me.                                                    E. I’m a Spiritual Person, Organized Religion is Man Made.                                  F. All Hail Mermenozoid!                                                                                                       G. Cults Are Cool so Whats Up With Scientology?                                                       H. Man Created God In HIS OWN IMAGE.                                                                        I. Take EVERY WORD of My Religious Text of Choice LITERALLY Because I’m a Religious Fanatic Like an Vile Evangelical.                                                      J. Science Over Organized Religion.                                                                                      K. There is Something Bigger Than Humans, BUT its Something Like The Universe or Nature for Example.                                                                                        L. The Ancient Greeks/Romans/Egyptians Had It Right.                                       M. How Would I Know About Religion I’m a Reincarnated Flat Worm.            N. See You In The Halls of Valhalla ASSHOLES!

    

18. When It Comes To Exercise I………                                                                               A. Believe My Body Is A Temple and I’m Its Maintenance Man.                           B. I’m just a Few Pounds Overweight, And Not That Out Of Shape so Steady As She Goes.                                                                                                                                 C. I Exercise Now and Then Basically Half Ass It.                                                       D. I’m Fine Buying Fitness Equipment, and Letting It Rot Covered in Dust In My Basement/Attic/Garage as I Always Have.                                                              E. I Love Exercising I’m a Gym Rat.                                                                                   F. I’m a Fitness Fanatic, I’m Running In Place While I Read This.                      G. I Need to Exercise, But Don’t Because I always Put It Off Till Tomorrow Like An Asshole.

   

19. When I Come To The Police I Think………                                                                 A. I Believe They Are In Fact Here To Protect & Serve Us                                         B. They Police Have Some Serious Problems That Need Correction.                  C.  Blue Lives Matter, and I’m an Utter Asshole.                                                         D. The Police Are The Biggest Criminals in America.                                                E. We Should Dismantle The Police System, And Reinstitute State Militias Or Wild West Modeled Sherriff’s Like Wyatt Eurp.                                                           F. The Police Are Just High School Nerds, and Now Have a Badge so They’re The Bully Now.                                                                                                                           G. Good Cops Are A Myth.                                                                                                      H. The Police Are Useless, Vigilante Justice Is The Only Way To Go.

    

20. When It Comes To Snakes and Spiders Which Are You More Afraid Of         A. Snakes: Obviously Remember The Garden Of Eden.                                             B. Spiders: They Can Crawl Into Your Ear, Lay Eggs, and The Babies Eat Your fucking Brain.                                                                                                                              C. Both Whats Wrong With You?                                                                                        D. Neither: I’m The Asshole Exception To The Rule.

 Brought To You By Les Sober

Written By: The University of Psychological Arts, The Synaptic Society,

& The Swedish Institute of Neuropsychology Research and Development.

 

Revised By: The Cerebral Studies Foundation & The Grey Matter Grant

Edited By: The Psychological Sociology Administration of Japan

Published By: InnerSelf Incorporated, Synaptic Storm,

& The Third Eye Institute for Developmental Cerebral Research.

Pot Porno 5: Sexxy Sativa

 

By Les “Or More” Sober 

Pot Porno 4: Ganja GangBang

 

By Les “Then” Sober 

I Survived the Smutville Summer of Slaughter 1976

  It was a favorable fall evening in the midst of July as we slowly assembled our motley crew of usual small town misfits behind the Piggly Wiggly. I as always arrived first as patience is a virtue I was born without followed by Clitoria and her white trash future meth cooking boyfriend aptly named Tweaky. The three of us stood around loitering like a son of a bitch and chain smoking Cowboy Killers until finally Ziggy Zag (the one and only marijuana peddler in the entire county of Pornotovia) who operated on some bizarrely slow internal clock ,but you couldn’t get too pissed off at him as he was the only small town connection. The final stragglers Tool, Tits McGee, MC Satan and Ms. Muff wondered in 45 minutes later citing their lateness on a glitch in obtaining the evenings alcohol (as we were all underage high school seniors at the time.)

  There 2 elementary issues when your drinking underage first being how to obtain the alcohol and secondly a place to consume the said alcohol. We had already solved issue one by bribing Scumbag Billy the local small town  22 year old delinquent. Scumbag Billy graduated from the local high school (on the 6 year plan mind you) stayed in town taking a shit job as a mechanic down at Jiffy Lube of route 1171 ,and lived in a hellhole of a mobile home. Scumbag Billy “Inherited” the property when his parents vacated the premises 3 years back to avoid being arrested for bootlegging. We had this pre party at the Pig to devise a drinking place free from the prying eyes of neighbors and the ever bored ever present police. Some cliches are cliches because they’re real and just one such saying is “News travels quickly through a small town” which is absolutely and fundamentally correct. Just a few hours earlier Ziggy Zag had overheard a conversation at the local convenience store between 2 guys who worked in construction. What the 2 construction works were talking about was next weeks project that was due to start the following Monday ,but before they could build a damn thing the previous structure and to be demolished. Apparently this monopoly like cookie cutter mass produced single story business building (at the ass end of an industrial complex) had gone bankrupt, and as a result the office was cleared out and locked up a couple of days ago. It was a unanimous vote by all that tonight we’d party at the newly abandoned office building because 1. No Neighbors, 2. All the workers else where in the complex went home no later than 6 p.m. and 3. It was such a new spot that the cops hadn’t heard of it yet and added it to their nightly rounds about town.

With decision in hand we piled like circus clowns into MC Satan’s 1968 Ford station wagon which was an anomaly unto itself. MC Satan’s Station Wagon was beyond a beater and more towards rattling death trap as the speedometer was completely broken, the floor boards on the passengers side had rusted all the way through so one could see the road while driving, the gas gauge was shaky at best, the dashboard lights would flicker on then off ,and the radiator gauge was stuck in the over heating position permanently. Thankfully the drinking location was located approximately 8-10 minutes from the Pig.

When we arrived we were all delighted to find the bankrupt business building as perfect and promising as we had hoped in our heads. The parking lot behind the building was small enough to avoid having a shit ton of other people there calling attention to themselves. The lot was also dimly lit allowing us to see what was happening but also allowing us not to be seen if the cops showed up and we had to hide right quick. Lastly there were thick woods around the entire perimeter which was damn near perfect if hiding wasn’t enough and we had to make a run for it. It didn’t take long to set up camp and within mere minutes there was smoking,toking,drinking and fucking abounding under the star ridden sky. The hedonistic partying went on barreling into the late hours of the night until Tweaky heard something and the night evolved into a nightmare.

We all had reconvened for a toking circle that consisted of us standing in a circle each with a joint, blunt,bowl or bong and simultaneously lighting up. Then we just passed to the left until all of said marijuana had been smoked and then proceeded to plan where we would be acquiring late our night dining needs. Now a vote had to be taken as oddly for a small town there where several diners and a token Denny’s by the Mall competing for our munchie money. All of sudden as Ms.Muff and Tool were vehemently going at it over The Waterford diner versus The Greasy Spoon as to who had better what when Tweaky stood up quickly ,and started looking around like a cracked out Mearcat scanning around in a complete 360 degrees. The first thing we tried to figure out was if Tweaky was bugging out because he was too intoxicated, but so were we so we were unable to decide. There then was a moment of collective intense anxiety as we wondered then if in fact the cops had found us out which turned out not to be the case. Since we didn’t know if Tweaky’s behavior was do to drugs and drink as well as feeling relieved we didn’t have to haul ass through the woods to escape from the cops, then what the hell was going on?  Upon asking Tweaky as to what the origin of his behavior was we were answered with a question that being had we heard something out of the ordinary a moment ago. None of us recollected hearing shit but each other when Tweaky snapped to attention and again demanded to know if we had heard the mysterious noise that time to which the answer was again no. Tweaky now having gotten himself completely twisted over the alleged unknown noise that we decided to all quite down right quick and give it a listen. Well to the surprise of us all there in fact was a very strange noise coming from the woods off to our left. Immediately we went from disbelieving Tweaky to feverishly trying to define the origin of this curious unidentified noise. With out blinking MC Satan stated the noise was that of flesh eating deer. Instantly Tits McGee criticized the hypothesis as not being possible because deer are herbivores so meat was not on their specific dietary menu. MC Satan respond by saying there was a scientifically viable biological reason behind the newly discovered flesh eating deer phenomenon. As we were already aware there was a more than healthy local deer population, but what we didn’t know MC Satan informed us was that a mutated strain of the rabies virus had reached America from a North Western South East region of Africa. Now this mutant strand had also mutant side effects upon the late stage behavior of its victims. While the known original strain of rabies instills a irrational terror like fear of water in its victims, the mutant strain seemed to instill a homicidally high prey drive in normal herbivores turning pretty prey animals into putrid predators. Before anyone had a split second to call bullshit the woods erupted into a flurry of activity, the bushes started rustling, tree limbs shaking and sticks breaking accompanied by a deafening crescendo of the unknown noise. It was instantly obvious that whatever was happening in the woods was massive and more then likely something non of us wanted to fuck with. We franticly started gathering up our shit as fast as we possibly could desperate to get the fuck out of there, but we never stood a chance in hell of that. The deer exploded from the woods in force, there were so many of the damnable beasts that at first they looked like one single entity a giant blurry brown mass stampeding toward us like a living tsunami of slaughter. Our fight or flight instinct kicked in and the adrenaline flowed like the nile as we ran for our piddly little lives. Ms. Muff being a 2 beer queer light weight didn’t make it a fucking foot before the deer where raining down upon her like a pack of land based piranha. The piercing sound of Muff’s screaming bloody gore as the sick wet sounds of ripping flesh, mutilating muscles, tearing tendons filled our fleeing ears. Tool turned out to be the true pussy of the pack as he froze in utter fear watching Ms. Muff being turned into an human order of shredded beef until there was nothing left of her but bare bloody bones. A massive buck charges full force from the woods straight at Tool dead on. The deer plowed into Tool with a meaty smack its huge antlers impailing Tool tossing him high into the air with his intestines trailing behind him like the tail of a fucked up kite. Poor Tits McGee was only capable of sprinting short distances before her massive pendulous breasts swung so out of whack she became top heavy and off kilter causing her to fall flat on her funny face. Once Tits went down she just disappeared, absorbed into the murderous mass of the deers of death leaving nothing of Tits but a blood stain on the assault. Clitoria stumbled over her beloved bong and when she did a deadly doe rammed its entire head up Clitoria’s ass and ate her alive from the inside out making it look like she violently imploded. Now if you’ve ever heard someone say its damn near impossible to catch a crackhead well that ain’t shit compared to Tweaky fueled by cheap moonshine and decent quality biker crank. Tweaky needless to say was way the hell ahead of the group that was until  the combination of the intoxicants and sky high adrenaline level overloaded Tweaky’s system causing him to loudly and quite violently shit himself to death instantly on the spot. With Tweaky laying face down in a bloody pool of his own feces with a prolapsed asshole Ziggy Zag and I decided to run like hell for MC Satan’s crappy car, but Satan living up to his name had apparently already reached the car and drove off like a bat out of hell. Upon finding ourselves fucked over by Satan Ziggy and I decided running toward the water sewage plant at the end of the road was our best plan b. We gave it our all and managed to make it to the water sewage plant with the deer literally nipping at our asses, but Ziggy was so terrified at that point he didn’t stop running before accidentally falling head over heals into the sewage plants water re purification open air holding tank (a massive circular tank used in the reclaimed water process of turning sludge and shit into Agricultural grade reusable water)

Once I managed to climb over the sewage plants 15 foot chain link perimeter fence and clear the barbwire I promptly turned around to see where the fuck this horrible horde of mutant rabies infected deer was currently at and couldn’t believe my eyes. The deer of damnation had turned on each other and were devouring one another in a feeding frenzy of blood lust. Apparently I was spared a horrendously horrible demise due to the fact the herd of infected deer were in the final stages directly prior to death causing the cannibalistic carnage I witnessed that ultimately saved my life.