Tag: Bodily fluids

Grindcore, Goregrind, & Pornogrind It’s All Good

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post Pertaining to Generes Gridcore, Goregrind, & Pornogrind Music. One of the Most Entertaining Factor’s of these Niche  Genres is that the Music/Album Art/Lyrics are an Unofficial Ongoing Competition. The Competition amongst the Type of Bands is to be MORE Obscene, Violent, Gory, Shocking, Repulsive, and Offensive than Their Contemporaries. For Those Who May Not be aware Here is a Very Brief Description of Each of the Aforementioned Musical Genres.

GRINDCORE: Grindcore is a More Noise Filled Style of Hardcore Punk while using Hardcore’s Trademark Characteristics like Heavily Distorted, Down Tuned Guitars, Grinding Overdriven Bass, High Speed Tempo, Blast Beats, and Unique Vocal Style that Consists of Growls, Grunts, Screaming, High Pitched Shrieks, and Guttural.

GOREGRIND: Goregrind (a Sub Genre of Grindcore) is Defined by Detuned Guitars, Blasting Drums (Sometimes with a High Tuned, Clanging ‘Biscuit Tin’ Snare Drum Sound), Sickening Lyrics, and Utilize EXTREMELY LOW or Pitch Shifted Vocals Often sounding like Pig Grunts and Squeals.

PORNOGRIND: Pornogrind is Related to the Goregrind Subgenre  that’s General Themes are Centered Around Sexual Themes. Common Pornorgrind Reoccurring Themes are Porno, Fetishes, Fucking, Girls, Murder, and Gore. Pornogrind also uses Revolting Sound Effects to add an Additional Gross Out Factor/ Offensive Factor including, BUT Not limited to Fart Sound Effects, Explosive Diarrhea, Projectile Vomiting, Porno or Horror Movie Clips, and Violence.

    

So with all that shit when I get Bored or have some Time to Kill I do dumb shit like Coming Up with Either Or Grindcore/Goregrind/Pornogrind Band Names or Album Titles. Now Here is the List I have Created and Compiled over Time.

1. Queen Face   2. Smeghead   3. Rotting Cunt  

4. Cavernous Cunt   5. Rectal Discharge   6. Assface  

7. Vaginal Invasion  8. Cock Rot  9. Eat Shit   

10. Rotten Pecker 11. Full Blow Aides To The Face

12. Point Blank Buttfuck  13. The Kings Of Bukkake   14.Shit Out Of Luck

15. Bloody Feces  16. Brutal Bukkake  17. Parasitic Pussy  18. Vaggash

19. Vaginal Jesus  20. Decomposing Clit  21.Decaying Genital

22. 10″ Taint  23. Rectal Birth  24. Vaginal Enema. 25. Sex Piss

26. Rotting Vag  27. Decomposing Cunts  28. Pussy Pie  29. Fuck Stick

30. STD (Sex Torture Death)  31. Mangled Genitals  32. Crotch Rot

33. Vaginal Vomit  34. Rectal Vaginitis  35. Rectal Prolapse  36. Ass Meat

37. Oozing Cunt  38. Cannibalistic Syphilis  39. Vaginal Discourse

40. Ejaculation Feces  41. Cuntfuck  42. Cuntfucker  43. Cunt Fucked

44. Up To The Nuts In Guts  45. Gash Slasher  46. Kick In The Cunt

47. Nipple Clamp Execution  48. Asseaters  49. Eater Of Ass

50. Castrate Christ  51. Piss Christ  52. Anal Abortion

53. Anal Alien Invaders  54. Rectal Invasion  55. AssFuck. 56. Assfucked

57. AssFucker  58. Anal Impalement 59. Cockrockers

60. Vaginal Defication  61. Anal Fisher  62. Rectum Stretcher

63. Necrosexual  64. Severed Genitals  65. Sodomized By Satan

66. Shitty Shitty Gangbang  67. Fletch  68. Cum Here

69. The Young Cocksmen  70. The Salty Yogurt Slingers  71. 3 Whole Whore

72. Menstruation Massacre 73. Autopsy Sodomy  74. Fuck The Dead

75. Defiling Corpse  76. Whoremonger  77. Analocolypse

78. Buttmeat Penis  79. Diarrhea Sluts  80. Fucked With Feces

81. Fuckacide  82. Hate Fuck. 83. Ragerrection  84. Rage Shit

85. Drunk As Fuck  86. Anal Gape  87. Skullfucker  88.Skullfucked

89. Whorebitch  90. Flesh Peddler  91. Smut  92. Bull Dyke

93. Smut Peddler  94. Venomous Vaginas  95. Cunt Full Of Teeth

96. Rectum Ripper  97. Analize  98. Analecotmy  99. Muff Diver

                   

100. Muff Divers  101. Lusting Lipstick Lesbians  102. Hair Pie

103. The Rimjobs  104. Jerk Off Jerry And The Wankers  105. Fuck You Phil

106. Jack Off Jack  107. The Jerk Offs  108. The Motherfuckers

109. Fuck The Fetus  110. Gangrenous Genitals  111. Ass Splatter

112. Cum Guzzler  113. Cum Gargler  114. Cumsplat  115. Cum Stain

                   

116. Shit Stain  117. SuckaFuck  118. Fuckass  119. Monster Cunt

120. Mung  121. Clitlicker  122. Bloody Stool  123. Anal Seepage 

124. Septic Semen  125. Toxic Shock Syndrome  126. Sloppy Snatch

127. Beef Curtains  128. Beefy Cunt  129. Cuntasaurous Sex. 130. Cock Snot

131. Death Shart  132.Blood Shart. 133. Jack MeOff

                     

134. Dirty Fucking Junkie  135. Let’s Hump  136. Milkshake Shits

137. Gas Station Sushi Shits  138. Shit Soup  139. Bowling For Feces

140. Shitting Soup  141. Starting On My Balls  142. The Squirters

143. Shitting On Seinfeld  144. Tumbleweed Toilet Paper  145. Poopatorium

146. Shitting My Ass Off  147. Hey You Shitter  148. Public Toilet Terrorist

149. The Carp Trap  150. The Creepy Crapper  151. The Shittening 

152. Shitocolypse  153. Shiatacane Season 154. The Shit Abyss

155. Shit Sandwich  156. Tall Glass Of Shut The Fuck Up  157. What A Turd

158. Bullshitter  159. Bullshiting a Bullshitter  160. Home Of Halitosis 

161. Outhouse Whore  162. Praying To The Porcelain God  163. Craptacular

164. Vomiting Out My Ass  165. ABS (Always BE Shitting)  

166. The Colonic King  167. Eatable Enema  168. Punks Proctologist

169. Itchy Asshole Issues  170. Diarrhea Downpour  171.Shitting Skies

172. The Terrible Turd  173. Ass Eating Asshole  174. Don’t Give A Shit

175. Go Shit Yourself  176. Taking A Dump At The Dump  177. Shiticide

178. The Poop Deck Problem  179. Fun With Feces  180. Smells Like Shit

181. Scatological Studies  182. Institute of Scatology  183. I Be Shitting (IBS)

184. I Gotta Take A Shit  185. The Gay Buday   186. Rectum Ripper

187. This Restroom Is A Shithole  188. I Can’t Stop Shitting  189. Blumpkin

190. I Shit Blood  191. Bongs And Dongs  192. Poop Porn  193. Shitty Tits

                   

194. Titty Fucking Fool  195. Fucked With Feces  196. Shit On You

197. From Pooping To Prolapse  198. Surgically Reconstructed Asshole

199. Who’s This Asshole?!  200. Scummy Shit  201. Shady As Shit

202. Sleazy Shit  203. Hot As Shit  204. Hot Shit  205. In The Shit

206. WHat’s This Shit?!  207. Knew Deep In Shit 208. Stupid Shit

209. Up Shit Creek Without A Paddle  210. Doomsday Dildos

211. Toilet Seat Sluts  212. Gas Pump Pimps  213. Urinal Euphoria

214. Who gives A Shit?  215. Fuck My Life  216. Well Shit On Me

217. Take This Happy Horseshit And Shove It Up Your Ass

218. I Call Bullshit  219. Pure Manure  220. Uncut Cocaine  221. Piss’n Shit

222. Nutting Narcotics  223. Puking On My Cock While Taking A Shit

224. I’m Having A Shit  225. Fecal Float  226. Rim Job Jerk Offs

227. Looking For Dummies  228. Tube Steak Sizzler  229. Shit Stew

230. There’s A Shitstorm Brewing In My Bowels

231. King Of The Crapper  232. Seriously Sinister Shit  233. Old School Shit

                   

234. Old School Shit  235. Being A Total Dick  236. Shitting On Your Parade

237. Shitwich  238. Legend Of The 2 Pound Turd  239. Talking Shit

238. Sometime You Gotta Eat Shit  239. Sneaky Little Shit  

240. Rectum Stretching Shit  241. Butt Plugged  242. Shit Happens

243. The Story Of Shitty Bill  244. The Asshole Anthem  245. Shit Talker

246. Talking Shit While Taking A Shit  247. Shit Talking Assholes

248. Bullshit Artist  249. Bullshitters Anonymous  250. Asswipe Arron

251. The Butthole Blues  252. The Butt Trumpet Orchestra  253. Tough Shit

254. All Ass Instrumental  255. Sodomized With Shit  256. Shit For Brains

257. Teddy The Talking Turd  258. Bruised Buttholes  259. Shit Shake

260. Teaing Off Heads And Shitting Down Necks  261. Suck Shit

262. You Butt Hurt About it Bro?!  263. Anal Armageddon 263. Shitcile

264. Empire Of Assholes  265. Mr. Brown Eye  266. A World Of Shit

268. Crap Covered Cornhole  269. Cornholing Drunks 

270. The Mangina Monologues  271. Mangled Mangina

272. Shit On A Shingle  273. Donkey Punched In The Fart Box

274. Starring In The Eyes Of My Ass  275. Shitty Shit 276. Craptacular

277. Opinons And Assholes  278. I’m Going To Shit On Your Grave

279. Shit Your Shorts  280. Welcome To The Shitshow

281. I Shit On Squatty Potties  282. Port-A-Potty Poet

                   

283. Public Restroom Retards  284. Fucktarded  285. Turd Polish

286. Your Shit DOES STINK  287. Shit Stink  288. Stank Breath

289. Crap On A Cracker  290.Holy Shit  291. Happy As A Pig In Shit

292. I See Shitty People  293. The Constipation Conundrum 

294. Are Farts Supposed To Be Lumpy?!  295. Fire In The Hole

296. Hairy Hump Hole  297. Tastes Like Ass  298. Smells Like Shit In Here

299. Up Your Ass And To The Left  300. Fistfucker  301. Fistfucked

302. The Shocker  303. Backdoor Bitches  304. Bitches & Bastards

305. Up The Shitter (UTS)  306. Nice Ass Can I Eat Breakfast Off It?!

307. Hershey Squirts  308. Accidentally Crapping On The Carpet

309. Shit City  310. Shitty City  311. City Of Shit  312. Front To Back

313. Shitting Out Of Control  314. Shite Ain’t Right 

315. Flatulence The Pre Poop Warning  316. There’s A Turd On My Taint

317. Assembly Of Assholes  318. Shitty Like An Asshole  

319. Songs To Shit To  320. Assclown Circus  321. Hemorrhoid Hell

322. Straining To Shit  323. Getting Shitfaced Again  324. The Brown Note

325. Friendly Ass Biter  326. Colostomy Bag Boy  327. Assgasm

328. The Butthole Loophole  329. Skinny Chicks With Boney Butts

330. Shitting Yourself Insane  331. Life In A World Of Shit

332. Get To Shitting  333. Stop Being A Dick  334.Septic Tank Sayings

335. Shitbag  336. Coffee Makes Me Crap  337. WTF Is Anal Leakage?!

338. Ass Cancer  339. Booty Bombs  340. Booty Bandit  341. Shit Sale

342. Toilet Tunes  343. Filling The Turd Bucket 344. Sleep Fart Syndrome

345. Human Pooper Scooper  346. Cum Dumpster Fire  

347. Watch My Back While I Take A Shit  348. Shit People Say

349. You Don’t Know Shit  350. Steaming Pile Of Poop  

351. Steaming Pile of Shit  352. 3 Flush Floater  353. It’s The Season Of Shit

354. Toilet Plunger Possibilities  355. Shitting Like A Savage

356. Drain-O A GoGo  357. Shitheads Vs. Dickheads  358. Shitface

359. Sick As Shit  360. Can’t Bullshit A Bullshitter  361. Shit The Bed

362. Flush That Turd Down The Drain  363. She Seriously Shits The Sheets

364. Elbows And Assholes  365. Piss Pot Princess  366. Shat Splatter

367. Shat Is Where It Is At  368. 2 Ply Or Goodbye  369. Rid-Ex Sex

370. The Difference Between Assholes And Holes In The Ground

371. I Can’t Find My Ass With Both Hands  372. Bed Pan Splash Back

373. Pay To Poop  374.Shake It More Then Twice You’re Playing With It

374. Mondo Duke  375. Papa Starts  376. MC Bubble Guts  

377. Outrageous Asshole  378. Vile Vagina  379. Clusterfucked

380. Cannibalizing Cunts  381. Rectal Vomit  382. Puke Porn

383. Malevolent Masturbation  384. Oily Fart  385.  Sweaty Under Boob

386. Corroded Clit  387. Pussy Fart. 388. Necrophalic  

389. Triple X Sex  390. Fuck Films  391. Porn Shop Prostitutes

392. Making Asshole Get Angry (MAGA)  393. Long Pig Penis 

394. Hell If I Know  395. Cock Knocker  396. Spermicidal Jellyfish

397.  Nut Sack Sinners  398. FuckSlut  399. Cunt Fart  400.The Manginas

401. The Fuck Me Pumps  402. The Gash  403. The Furious Fist Fucking 5

404. To The Tits  405. Poor Drunk Bastards  406. Manwhore

407. Hungry Hungry Hookers  408. Homocide  409. Crusty Clam

410. Harry Taco And The One Eyed Worms  411. Fight Anal Retention

412. Humphole  413. The DPs  414. Force Fed Feces  415. Puking Piss

416. Shit Smear  417. Glory Hole Gods  418. Urinal Utopia 

419. The Bellends  420. Fucked For Life  421. GOPieces Of Shit

422. Republicunts  423. The Slutty Whores  424. Whorish

425. Motherhumping Christ  426. Christ’s Cunt  427. Jesus Fucking Christ

428. Here Comes The Fuck  429. The Anal Allstars  430. Jerk Off Jamboree 

431. Pissfuck  432. Dick Weed And The Awful Orifices  433. The Punters

434. The Pedos  435. Scumfuck  436. Scumfucker  

437. The Bastard Brigade  438. Shorty Waffles  439. Get Fucked  

440. Get Fucked  441. Screw You  442. Furious Finger Fucking

443. Pungent Pussy  444. Repugnant Penis  445. Wad Blower

446. Johnny Wad Rides Again  447. Hung Like Hell  448. Monster Cock

449.  General Genitorture  450. Compound Of Cunt  451. Sexorrist

452. Maxi Pad And The Heavy Flow  453. Ponder This Shit 

454. Sweaty Slit  455. United States Of Anal  456. Fuck The World

457. So Fucking What (SFW)  458. Pussy Popping Priests

459. Slamming Ass  460. Bumping Uglies  461. The Beast With 2 Backs

462.  Colostomy Bag Copulation  463. Dick Docking Dilemma 

464. Anal Orgies  465. Sir Fuck-A-Lot  466. Grab Ass Gangsters

467. The Stench Of Sex  468. Sex On A Slip’n Slide  

469. Just The Tip  470. Gobs Of Gash  471. The Mad Twatter

472. Snatchology  473. Fuckology. 474. Fuck 101  475. Facefucked Fools

478. Lusting Lucifer  479. Long Dong Silver Away  480. Wonderfuck

481. Gash Basher  482. Pounding Pussy  483. Fugly  484. Sexual Sadist

485. John Wayne Gacy Is Gay  486. Porn Shop Prostitutes

485. Johnny Wad Was Right  486. Addicted To Dick  487. Scrotal Tuck

         

488. Labia Loving Lesbians  489. Sex Toy Slaughter  490. Mung Mouth

491. Colonics Make Me Horny  492. Who Gives A Flying Fuck

493. Dildos Of The Dammned  494. Kick In The Crotch

 495.A Forest Of  Morning Wood  

496. Spanking Monkeys And Choking Chickens  497. The Bearded Clam

         

498. The Cock Ring King  499. Pussy Full Of Puss  

500. Friends Of A Sex Fiend

 

It Is What It Is,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (28/365)

The Lights went out again as the Shell Shocked Performer was escorted off to seek Medical Attention no doubt, and for the Second Time the Poor Janitor had to come clean more Bodily Fluids off of the Stage in the Dark. During this Emergency Intermission Lee hear the stumbling sounds of yet more Members of the Audience had had Enough, and Stormed off to more than likely Demand a Refund.

By the time the Spot Light once again Illuminated the Tiny Theater Lee was extremely fucking happy that this was the Final fucking Act. For the Final Act an Obese Man who had to be pushing 400 and standing an unimpressive 5′ 2″ on a Good Day. He was wearing one of those humiliating Hospital Gowns with the fucking Ties in the back to keep the fucker closed.

        

Lee understood and could Fully Appreciate the Medical Reasons for Their Design, but still Lee considered Them to be more Insult to Injury than Medically Necessary. It was Indisputable that it was vital to the Patients well being to be Dressed in this mockery of a Gown as They call it in the Medical Community. Lee damn well knew it was so the Doctors can Grab whatever  Part of You that They need Access to (for Poking, Pounding, Prodding, Probing, or Puncturing) as Fast as Possible since in Medicine Time IS a Deciding Factor.

For Lee there were 3 questions about Hospital Gowns that had always lingered in Lee’s Mind. One was Why the hell couldn’t the fucking Material be made of something thicker or more substantial that the feeble glorified Toilet Paper?! The Doctors/Nurses aren’t ever going to fucking inject you Through the Gown regardless since doing so would contaminate the Needle.

      

Second Why the hell did the Ties have to be located at the fucking back which lets fucking face it is the most inconvenient spot to try and Tie so fucking thing. Why couldn’t the Ties be in Front or at least located on the Side anything would be better than on the fucking Back.

Three why the hell especially if They’re made out of Thin, Cheap, and Flimsy Material why the fuck does it have to be White AKA Almost fucking see through?! What the fuck do moronic Designs or what have You do, They don’t conceal shit very well if thats Their fucking Point.

Lee’s Fourth Question was why the hell couldn’t the Medical Gowns be fucking Longer. This thought always made Lee chuckle since there were so many Catholic High School Girls continuing the Ongoing Battle for Their Uniform Dresses being Shorter. Lee’s point was if shit goes down and the Doctors rush in to do Immediately Necessary Medical shit, and first would Open up the Gown. And since basically at that point They Medical Personnel have access to Your Fully Naked Body so why couldn’t They just be longer?! They weren’t fucking Cocktail Dresses for fuck’s sake.

       

Lee shook himself to Dispel the Daydream He was Diving into about Medical Gown Questions and Improvements. Once Lee’s faculties had righted themselves Lee saw That the Man in the Medical Gown had indeed unfastened the back of the gown, and it was now flying open. The Man had bent over at the waist and placed His hands on His Knees.

He then reached down to pick up a Small Lime Green Notebook that was laying in front of Him, and started to read aloud. It turned out He was reading Excerpts from “The Vagina Monologues” intermingled with Lyrical excerpts from various Songs by 2 Live Crew. The Man was reading the add mix of Literature and Lyrics with the Great Enthusiasm and An Unbridled Passion.

       

Lee looked around the Theater to see how many Audience members there in Fact were still remaining. Lee quickly counted 3 including Himself , but the Absence of a Viable Audience didn’t deter The Large Man on Stage in the least. The Man on Stage ended up reading for 45 minutes before standing upright, Closing the Note Book, and Staring strait into the Black Void of the Almost Empty Theater.

After 30 seconds or so the Man Lifted cast off His Hospital Gown, and Hoisted up His Belly to reveal a Monster Cock that was as thick as it was Long. He then lifted His Massive Member showing the Audience He was in Fact a Legit Eunuch, and where His Scrotum had been was a Intricately Detailed and quite Life like Tattoo of a Vagina. “I am The Recycled Sex a Homemade Hermaphrodite.” the Man proclaimed before walking off the Stage.

   

Lee now fully believed that Performance Art’s reputation for Weird Beyond the Fringe on The Fringe shit was Well Warranted, and that the Show He had just watched was all the Proof He needed. Accept for the Theremin Player Lee thought that Guy was fucking Awesome.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Nail biting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (29/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All: PART 4

April 1st: Heading into April with the umpteenth line up (consisting of Izzy Sane on Vocals, Mitch Fury on Drums, Maxi Padd on Bass, and Davie Scum on Guitar) met for a band meeting at their manager Harold Slickmann’s Villa in France. Once the entire band was assembled at Stickman’s French Villa they had a proper high end Wine and Cheese Pairing.

During the festivities the band decided to become a Honky Tonk Hillbilly Blue Grass Band. They also unanimously to donate 75% of their earnings to Charity, and Join Green Peace to occupy the time between Tours.

Also while they were at it Malice cured Cancer, Discovered the Secret to Immorality, had a conversation with all the Various Dieties of the World, Ended War, Fought Famine in third world counties, and traveled to the center of the Universe.

(Just Kidding April Fools)

In reality the band hung out at Slickmann’s house lounging around the Pool Day Drinking, and some light Day Drugging until they all got bored and did Ambient Shooters to sleep the rest of the Day.

April 3rd: The band met up at Dinky Kitty Recording Studio’s to quickly record a new EP called “Mental Metal Meltdown” before hitting the road heading out on a 27 day 27 Shows mini Tour promoting the EP. This was Razorback Records idea.

They figured why waste time you could use making money on anything else. Leisure was an Alien Concept to them. And since Malice wasn’t scheduled for their first World Wide Tour until the May 1st Razorback came up the the Ep Mini Tour Package Concept to keep the band productive and (Financially) Prosperous. Plus they figured with a band like Malice keeping them on the shortest of leashes was best for everyone involved.

Malice knocked out the entire EP in 5 hours flat. The Ep featured the songs “Beer Belly Blues”, “The Ease of Sleaze”, “Liquor, Ladies, and Lingerie”, “Sucking Down a Six Pack”, and “PsychoCycle”.

The second side would feature 4 Songs by their opening band during their upcoming World Wide Tour in May The Assholes. The Assholes were a notoriously infamous Underground Punk-Metal band from Detroit known far and wide for their overt aggression.

April 5th: After a 48 hour hangover Malice were in Razorback Records Conference Room for a Unscheduled meeting. Slickmann entered the room accompanied by the band’s long time Lawyer TR McCoy, and took a seat at the head of the far end of the conference room’s large tacky table. A few minutes later Razorback PR Rep. Lila Lascivious entered cold and emotionless as ever her Poker Face in full play.

Lila announced that Malice’s Mini Promotional Tour shows would all be “Secret” (unannounced or promoted or advertised no doubt to save Razorback more money on overhead expenses.) Shows each would be held in an “Untraditional Location”. This could be for example in an Abandoned Factory or some shit like that, but it was all an elaborate promotional campaign by Razorback to amp up Malice’s Street Cred. with Fans, and help spread the mythos of Malice. Lila finished her presentation by informing the band that they would be given the location of the Venue 1 hour before the show starting with tonights initial show.

At 9:00 pm Slickmann received a phone call in his Hotel Room from Lilia, and was told tonights show would be housed in an Abandoned and allegedly Haunted Insane Asylum named  The Leviticus Von Trundle Asylum for The Criminally Insane.

The show was a complete fucking flop. Razorback hadn’t “Put the world out on the street” (remember this is Pre Smartphones, Pre Internet, and Pre Social Media SO word of mouth was actually physically face to face or over the phone (Landlines and Pay Phones) to work.

Their was also a great deal of misunderstanding  as to what the fuck “Mental Metal Meltdown Mini Tour” actually was. See what happened was that the expected audience of Malice fans turned out to be mainly a larger group made up of rather confused Ghost Hunters. The Ghost Hunters thought the Show was some sort of Paranormal-Con type situation so imagine their surprise to instead of finding Ghosts the found Malice rampaging through the Entire EP.

Malice was than a little pissed off by the entire catastrophe that was that nights impromptu pop up concert. They not only played to a small handful of actual Malice Fans they also avoided selling any merchandise which Malice felt was an insult to injury.

An Utterly irate Slickmann called Razorbacks PR Rep. Lila and demanded a meeting immediately first thing the following Morning. After such a shitty show Malice vanished into the night to ingest intoxicants till the Hallucinatory Cows Came Home.

April 6th: Once again Malice found them selves in Razorback Records well used conference room along with their manage Harold Slickmann, and their Lawyer TR McCoy. Lila the Razorback PR Rep. assigned to Malice entered the room a minute or two accompanied by 6 well groomed, grey haired Record Executives in very expensive suits.

As soon as Lila and her associates sat down Slickmann still quite enraged from the previous nights cluster fucking launched into conversation like a NASA Rocket. Slickmann demanded Razorback release Malice from their current contract as Malice were utterly unhappy with Razorbacks, and were seeking  new Record Label Representation.

Lila listened to Slickmann’s wild rant and then presented Razorbacks position pertaining to the matter of Malice and their freshly started mini tour. Razorback insisted the show was a travesty true, BUT was anything but intentional. Malice and Razorback up until now how been amicable, and thus Razorback refused to terminate their contract with Malice.

TR McCoy requested to speak to the Head of Razorbacks Legal Department in private. Razorback agreed and walked McCoy to the Head of their Legal Department’s office. After 20 minutes or so McCoy returned with Bernard B. Burbler in tow.

McCoy presented the compromise that he and Burbler had come up with. 1st Razorback would cancel the next 12 shows (starting with tonights scheduled show) of the tour to allow time for Fans to find out about the “Secret Show(s)”.  2nd last nights show would be a write off on both ends since arguing would waste time and produce zero results (so Malice wouldn’t be “compensated” in any way for the hassle of last nights fuckfest AND Razorback wouldn’t seek reimbursement for the shows expenses or damages or for violation of contract.) 3rd and last of all after the current Mini Tour Malice could and would be renegotiate and reevaluate  their contract Razorback to assess wether or not  Malice and Razorback could continue to work with one another.

Malice begrudgingly accepted the terms and the deal was official, but Malice wasn’t through as they felt they needed to make their mark as it were. Izzy followed by Mitch and Davie strode over to the group of Razorback Record Executives, unzipped their flies, and proceeded to piss all over the them as the ran willy nilly around the conference room table horrified. Meanwhile Maxi who had drank 2 bottles of Exlax mixed with Gin jumped up onto the conference table, and took a massive 4 Gallon Explosive Diarrhea Shit all over it.

Security was called and a fist fight broke out between the Security Guards and Malice. No one was hurt because no one could land nor throw a decent punch due to the conference room being hosed down by a excessive amount of Urine and Feces. Malice and the Security Guards alike just tried to lunge at one another (in an attempt to grab the opposing party), but they all just ended up slipping and sliding all over in the bodily fluid covered floor.

Malice finally gave up and went home with the entire band smelling like over flowing Port-A-Potties.

April 7th: To help elevate the on going tension with their Record Lable Slickmann decided to book a Luxury Get Away to St. Troy in the Caribbean for the next week. Malice arrived in St. Troy in their Private Jet around Noon, and arrived at Oasis in the Oasis Resort. Slickmann had in the name of Privacy Booked the entire Resort to elevate the stress from the Press.

The first thing Malice did once they arrived at their Suits was to call everyone they knew and invite them to what Malice had dubbed “Rock’n Resort” Mega Party. The next order of business was arranging the almost none stop flights to and from the States shuttling all of Malice’s Guests back and forth.

Here is the Summation of Malice’s Vacation (AKA Rock’n Resort Mega Party)

April 8th: Malice charters the largest Yacht they possibly could to continuously circle St. Troy for 24 hours straight. Malice had additional Guests brought out to the Yacht on Jet Skies. The raucous Party got the attention of a local amateur Pirate Crew who moved on the Yacht like Fleas to a Dog.

Once the Pirates arrived they were mistaken for Guests in themed costumes and invited on board. The Pirates being thoroughly confused as No One they had ever attacked had remained throwing a Party. After a couple of Mojito’s the Pirates thought since they were now Guests at the Party it would be rather rude to Pirate and Pillage the Yacht at this point. Thus a good time was had by all.

April 9th: Mitch Fury went surfing and was accidentally killed. From what the Authorities said based on Eye Witnesses interviews the following. Mitch was surfing a gigantic wave having the time of his fucking life when the wave caught up to him. Once the wave was on top on him Mitch was thrown in a quite elegant arch through the air directly into an awaiting Great White Shark’s Mouth. The Local Police’s closed the case labeling it a extremely rare instance of”Suicide By Shark” (Its like “Suicide by Cop” but with a Great White Shark.)

April 10th: Malice in lou of the tragic death of their drummer knew they had to keep the band going, and began flying out Auditioning Drummers. The search for the new drummer was going badly to say the least, and Malice was entertaining the idea of just using a Drum Machine. Thats when Rock Harder the legendary Drummer who had played in such bands as Arch Enema, Poisoned Ivy, The Savages, and PileDriver. Needless to say Harder was hired on the spot without every playing a single beat.

April 11th: Slickmann wanted Malice to practice as much as they could during the trip to break in Rock Harder their new Drummer. So Slickmann assumed the responsibility of dealing with Fury’s ashes. See Mitch wanted to be cremated so the band had a Tiki Hut Beach Bash were Mitch’s body had been incinerated  in  the Bon Fire. Mitch being a such an Ocean Lover Slickmann had opted to give Mitch a Burial at Sea by spreading his Ashes out in Open Water. The Boat Left the Marina at 9:37 am headed towards the Bermuda Triangle (because Slickmann thought that be pretty fucking Metal) and was never seen again.

(Above: ^Bite The Turnbuckle ^)

April 12th: To deal with the second horrible death of their trip Malice went into the rain forests of St. Troy and Drank GALLONS of Ayahuasca. Malice then walked down their was to a splendid waterfall and spent the day talking to Trees.

April 13th: Malice got a call at 5:57 am from The American Embassy in Tokyo Japan. To their utter surprise Slickmann was in fact Alive. He had been found by Commercial Fisherman just outside the right side of The Dragon’s Triangle in the Pacific Ocean. The Dragon’s Triangle is reportedly Asia’s Bermuda Triangle. The best Hypothesis the Japanese Physicists could come up with at this time based on the data they had collected was this. Slickmann had entered the Bermuda Triangle and in it accessed some sort of geographical portal that transported Slickmann half way across the Earth. Their additional ideas were just plain ridiculous.

April 14th: After a trip that included the death of their old Drummer Mitch Fury, the hiring of Fury’s replacement Rock Harder, a Bon Fire Cremation, Hallucinating in the Forrest, and the temporary and mysterious (not to mention totally unexplained) disappearance of their manager Harold Slickmann Malice was ready to get the fuck out of St. Troy. Malice boarded their private Jet and flew home to New York (the bands current resident City) on an uneventful Flight. The inflight Movie was Tommy Wiseau’s Cult Classic “The Room”.

Stayed Tuned Readers for Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All PART 5

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober