Tag: boom box

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (25/365)

There was then a short “Intermission” that is if You call sitting in complete and utter darkness for 5 minutes while the Stage was being Reset. Lee was thinking to Himself in the meantime that while as Brutally Savage the Young Guy craping in a Bucket had some serious balls. That and the piece was far too long so He should consider using a Laxative next time to speed things along.

        

The Spot Light blaring back on like a Fucking Lighthouse. On Stage was a Man standing rigidly behind a Theremin (Thereminophone), and wearing a full head to toe Black Body Stocking.  The Body Stocking was decorated with Random Cliche Space shit in Dayglo Paint. A Pre Recorded Narration started to play from not a not so legit Sound System, but from a shitty 1980’s Boom Box at the back of the Room. Lee had to satisfy His curiosity and peered over His shoulder. Lee was delighted to discover to see He was exactly right about the BoomBox.

Then Bored sounding Narrator that was some Monotone Kid mumbling almost incoherently at points about Inner Dimensional Time Travel like one of those Fanatical Sci Fi assholes that argues in Klingon. Lee felt the Intro was Purely Self Indulgent because it was just Token Space Topics like Light Speed, Blackholes, Time Travel, Alternate Dimensions, Extraterrestrials, Worm Holes, and Life on Mars being rattled off by some thoroughly Uninterested Kid (who more than likely was the Performer’s actual Kid).

       

The Intro Recording ended and the Performer launched into a what can only be explained as Speed Metal on a Theremin. It totally blew Lee’s Balls Off. He just couldn’t get past how fucking Awesome the Performance actually was. He had thought it would just some Overindulgent Emo Loving Sci Fi Freaky  Nerd dredging on and on through what He would classify as “Musical Soundscapes” or something similar as fuck that it might be called.

After a Blistering Round of Theremin Speed Metal (as Lee was calling it) the Performer threw the Theremin over sending it crashing down to the Stage. It landed with deep and solid thud. Lee assumed this was the Theremin equivalent of a Metal Guitarist smashing Their Guitar at the end of a Song/Set. Lee found the Overturning of the Theremin to be the Icing on the Cake as far as He was concerned.

      

The next Act featured to Men wearing only Red 70’s Bicycle Shorts and matching Ted Nugent Halloween Masks. The Two Men stood facing one another from the Opposite Ends of a Large Inflatable Kiddie Pool. The Kiddie Pool was almost completely filled with an Unidentified Meat or Meat Product. It looked to be some shit ton of an unappetizing Canned Meat Product to Lee making Him a bit Queasy.

Then a Song from a particular Monty Python Skit featuring Spam started playing from the Boombox in the back “Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam….” as the Two apparent Advisories swayed Side to Side switching Their weight from Foot to Foot eyeing each other up. The Song then arrived at an Audio Clip of Dialog (also from the the Skit) which had be Edited in Exclaimed “But I DON’T LIKE SPAM!” the Two Performers Lunged at One Another as They entered the Kiddie Pool to engage in Battle.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Deviant Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (26/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Broken Promises

I try not to make too many promises. It is not a very good habit to get into on a frequent basis. Why? Because as the old saying goes promises are made to be broken.

Also I have no memory, but do I really need one in 2018?  I remember the occasional birthday but honestly I am just grateful that myspace and Facebook give me a little nudge in the right direction. I can spell most words under 7 letters, and can kind of spell words over 10 letters (at least enough so that firefox and its spell checker fix it up for me). All doctor’s offices call the day before to remind us that tomorrow we have an appointment. We are even reminded annoyingly by automated celebrities, presidents, reps, you name it to vote.

Today though is a rather unfortunate one. You see as I try not to make promises, some people are toxic to the soul. Instead of even letting you make a promise in the first place, they push and prod you and try tell you what you need to do. It is countless, from therapists, to parents, to friends, to strangers everyone knows what is best for you, everyone wants you to give them your promise.

So today rather unfortunately if I promise you anything I will break it. It is 11-7 which is the opposite and as the rural 7-11 I was at sometime earlier this year that closed at 10pm, I will break today. Yes if there were promises for today made yesterday I will honor. But none can be made today. I will not keep them.

So as it being hug a bear day I will hug myself and not shave my stubble or my body hair or my loveland or anything of that. No one will land in the strip, no will be fluffing, no not today.

It is also magazine day. I really do not like magazines much anymore, the only purpose they have anymore are the pictures or for taking into the bathroom. They are a lost art and once society somehow evolves out of using bathrooms, they will be by the wayside like boom boxes and cassette players.

I only have a few promises that will not be broken. The ones I make to myself. Hopefully you have some promises you have made to yourself as well. I do not generally share these promises with other people as they are deeply personally and my enemies would use them against me. Though anyone who knows me well enough knows that like Achilles I do have a heel.

So have you broken any promises recently? Have you made any promises you can’t keep? Have you promised someone the world when you couldn’t even whip them up a decent ham sandwich?

In the past I am yes, yes, and yes. Once you reach a certain age though, you can answer yes to most things experienced, but some yeses are not ones we like others to know. So we keep our promise to ourselves, we bend but don’t break.

Everyday could be our last. I’d hate to make a promise I could not keep tomorrow. 🙂

  By SpaceDog