Tag: botox

No One Care What The Hell You Had For Lunch.

Social Media has been a crucial tool since its creation that has Contributed to the Ever Growing Societies’s  Egotistical Idiocy. Tech has/had unlimited potential, But People became Addicted to Social Media and its False Sense of Importance. People actually think ANYONE gives a flying fuck what They had for Lunch?! Yet People Post Pictures of Their Lunch likes its the most Awe Inspiring Event of Their fucking Lives.

The One Aspect in the Social Media’s Dumbing Down of America that’s Never Mentioned is the Personal “Status Updates” that People love to Use like there’s No Tomorrow (Facebook being the Number one Offender). You know what I’m talking about it’s those Pre Written Idle Bullshit like “Linda is Loving Life”, “Matt is at Starbucks”, or “Phil changed His Relationship Status to It’s Complicated.” that Users have come to Rely on.

              

Again Who fucking Cares How You Feel every Minute of the Goddamn Day?! You’re Not Nearly That Special. That’s the trick of Social Media it makes You feel far more Important than You actually Ever will be in all likelihood.

It’s the Utter Distain and Unfathomable Contempt for such Social Media Drivel is the Reason I have created a New (More Honest and Way More Realistic) List Status Updates. Enjoy.

  • Barry is Currently having Wild Sex with a Goat.
  • Louis is Busy Cooking Meth
  • Chuck is watching Hardcore German Porn.
  • Dave has Explosive Diarrhea.
  • Warren is Donating Sperm Again.
  • Linda is Hungover as Hell and Projectile Vomiting.
  • Francis is Window Shopping on Amazon like an Asshole.
  • Quinn is Writing Erotic Stories about a Nun and an Alter Boy.
  • Rex is considering a Career as a Urologist.
  • Aron is a Closet Nazi.

              

  • Gill is Bidding on an Antique Chastity Belt on eBay.
  • Luke is Ordering a Mail Order Bride from Croatia.
  • Marry is Doomsday Prepping for the Apocalypse.
  • Richard is Googling How to Preform an At Home Prostate Exam.
  • Will is Surfing the Dark Web for a Hitman.
  • Jerry is Busy Manscaping.
  • Blair is having a Heavy Flow Day.
  • Arnold Believes Pimping Ain’t Easy.
  • Kelly just woke up in a Pool of Her Own Vomit.
  • Zelda is Wondering Why Animal Assholes and the Opening is Soda Lids look the Same.

              

  • Brittany just tried Anal Sex for the First Time.
  • Valerie is Waxing Everything.
  • Billy is Ordering Asian Sex Toys Online.
  • Beth is Considering getting into Porn.
  • Shelby is Eating a Shit Sandwich.
  • Florence is working on Her New Fuzzy Costume for The Furry Ball.
  • Steve is Tripping Balls on Some Insane Blotter Acid.
  • Francine is Getting Furiously Finger Fucked.
  • Larry is imagining what it’s like to Titty Fuck Bob’s Man Boobs.
  • Rick just made an Appointment to get His Taint Tattooed.=

              

  • Carl can’t Handle is Booze.
  • Scott Tried Smoking Crack and Loved it.
  • Alice took a Massive Shit and is Looking at it Now.
  • Nick is Writing Shit on a Bathroom Wall.
  • Gill is refilling His Prescription for Viagra at The Pharmacy.
  • Travis is making All Natural Hand Made Tampons for His Wife.
  • Racheal is Learning How to Taxidermy and Practicing on Roadkill.
  • Sam is practicing making Balloon Animals Using His Dick.
  • Zander Enjoys Hot Sauce Enemas.
  • Albert is a Colonicholic.

              

  • Alice is starting a Flea Circus due to a Vaudeville Fetish.
  • Blair Farted and it smells like She Needs a Proctologist.
  • Stan just Shit Himself standing in Line at a Fast Food Restaurant.
  • Ralph is Thinking of Purchasing a High End Sex Doll for Christmas.
  • Stella is Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor behind WaWa.
  • Freddy is Attending a Family Reunion Where He’s the Creepy Uncle.
  • Stacy still Wets the Bed Weekly.
  • Benny was Banging an Inflatable Sex Doll and it Exploded Blowing off Both His Balls.
  • Nina is becoming Sexually Aroused watching Animals have Sex in a Nature Documentary.
  • Walt is Listening to Anal Cunt’s Greatest Hits.

              

  • Trent is Reading the Current Copy of Guns & Ammo at His Grandmother’s Funeral
  • Tiffany is Coated Head to Toe in KY Jelly.
  • Robbie is Wondering if Sex with a 3rd Cousin Removed Constitutes Incest.
  • Ken is Hiring a Prostitute.
  • Karen is Scoring Drugs Right Now in a Shitty Neighborhood.
  • Eddie is on Psychedelics and Hiding from a Plate of French Fries.
  • Bart just lost a Staring Contest with a Bowl of Oatmeal.
  • Dominic is Sucking off the Band Hanson Backstage.
  • Annie is Considering getting into Fisting.
  • Paula is having Sex in a Coffin to see if Necrophilia is for Her.

              

  • Vivian is Popping Pain Killers and Downing Them with Whiskey.
  • Holly is Polishing Her Nipple Clamp Collection.
  • Herbert is a German Cannibal.
  • Taylor is paying for Collage with the Money He made in Porn as a Stunt Cock.
  • Ryan is Measuring His Dick.
  • Stewart is trying to Figure Out if occasionally peeking at Another Man’s Pecker at the Urinal makes Him Gay.
  • Tiffany is Bleaching Her Asshole because She’s about to get Back into the Dating World.
  • Gary is Cat fishing His Sister.
  • Olga Thinks Hand Jobs are Outdated.
  • Jillian has a Habit of Humping the Homeless.

           

  • Bart got His Dick Stuck in a Swedish Penis Pump.
  • Becky thinks Lindsey Her Best Friend is kinda of a Cunt.
  • Eloise is on the Way to the Emergency Room with a Ruptured Breast Implant.
  • Diana has a Surgically Reconstructed Asshole.
  • Ari is getting Botox Treatments for His Scrotum Wrinkles.
  • Peter is walking His Dog and Watching as it Takes a Shit.
  • Deloris just crapped so Hard She Prolapsed Her Asshole.
  • Sue is Sniffing Glue getting a White Trash High.
  • Dale is making Wind Chimes out of Natty Ice Cans to Sell in the Local Trailer Parks.
  • Gabby Ate Her Inner Child.

                

  • Henry is Growing Shitty Ditch Weed in His Attic.
  • Donovan is in Reddit Chats while Wearing His Grandmother’s Underwear.
  • Jake shot a Man just to Watch Him Die, But Got Distracted and Missed it.
  • Reese got His Dick Stuck in a Chinese Finger Trap He won at the County Fair.
  • Lucy is in Love with an Alcoholic Carnie that reminds Her of Her Dad.
  • Reggie is walking around is House looking for Things He can Use to Improvise a Cock Ring.
  • Selma had Her Stomach Pumped just for the Experience.
  • Trina is Reading About Historic Safe Sex Methods/Practices.
  • Brittany is having Her 17th Abortion.
  • Oliver May Have Been Abducted by Aliens and Extensively Anal Probed.

              

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober

(Posted @ 1:37am)

Texting In The Eye of The Shiticane

Once again I find myself having to Apologize. Repeatedly in Our continuing attempt to raise f-yourblog.com up to its full potential have suffered another self induced delay. Well what can We say other than We fucked up, BUT We are working diligently to defuckulate the situation.

As it were We had f-yourblog.com had the offer of a lifetime so passing on it wasn’t even considered and option. Thus We have been away somewhere across The Pond for the last 10 days being Spoiled like motherfuckers. I’ll leave it at that for now as it will be covered in a Piece to be posted in the immediate future.

As soon as I was Stateside I texted SpaceDog and preceded to have yet another of Our Legendary Texting Sessions, and This One Made The Cut.

So without further ado I give you TEXTING IN THE EYE OF THE SHITICANE:

SpaceDog: Oh Shit were u in Italy? I think that’s where u told me u were going at one point. Oh you missed it a 120 minute trump shitshow press conference. Highlights include him saying Democrats are gonna dig up dirt on george washington and that the world at the UN was laughing with him not at him (complete with nonsensical 10 minute explanation)

Les: Yeah We were in Tuscany. 120 minute trump conference…did Hell freeze over while I was gone?! Did hear trump got his fat orange ass laughed outnof the UN LMFAO!!! So officially the entire fucking world is mocking the shit out of trump while laughing right in his fucking face!!!

SpaceDog: Fuck u diane lane. I mean nice. Nah he was talking a lot of crazy all week cuz the UN came to NY.

Les: We should lock the White House down like a CDC Drill, pump it full of MDMA through the AC Vents and let the GOPieces of Shit rape the shit out of each other to death. Problem Solved.  MDMA or Flakka Smoke. MDMA is too good for those fuckers! BATH SALTS IT IS!! That way the scumfuckers can eat each others faces while violently raping each other’s orifices beyond Surgical Reconstruction. LMMFAO

SpaceDog: Yeah bath salts. Maybe flake for trump so he’s also disfigured as he’s getting eaten. OK I’ve taken matters into my own hands.

Les: Seriously who the fuck goes to Medical School and decides to be a fucking Proctologist or Urologist?! I mean its the actual shittiest/ pissiest job of fucking medical Professionals?!!

SpaceDog: I’ve been deleting games and quitting games from my phone and computer so far taking me 2 hours. Trying to give all my shit away so i have no desire to fucking play.

Les: Someone’s parents happy about that? Like do they go to cocktail parties and brag their asses off about their wonderful son The Rectologist Ass Doctor OR do they just leave the Ass Doctor part out and just refer to their kid as Doctor?! DAMN.

SpaceDog: IDK maybe someone that likes seeing a lot of dick, but idk its not like u are seeing good dick. I mean i guess u are comparing best case scenario for dick and all i guess.

Les: That’s dedication to the cause. 2 hours of deleting shit?! You sure you don’t work for the government? LOL!

SpaceDog: Like maybe one day u see someone 60 and say we;; I’m glad my balls may only sag a little bit and do not touch my knees. Yeah hillary had me delete some emails. It was mainly 90 minutes in one game mindlessly donating tokens.

Les: DICK WARS on FOX this Fall!

SpaceDog: Then finding  all the games in hidden places on my computer like a 14 year old with porn magazines or a guy trying to hide booze from the wife.

Les: So what finally made you want to get out of gaming? At 60 I’m tucking my testicles into my knee socks.

SpaceDog: Because I’ve been doing it 10-12 hours a day for 6 years.

Les: 90 minutes thats kinda hardcore.

SpaceDog: I keep going to all kinds of anonymous meetings and they tell me its not a problem even though I’ve told 3 different sponsors (recent) and 11 in total over the course of my life.

Les: LMFAO! BOOZE! PORN MAGS!

SpaceDog: Makes me think if dammer ever went to AA or NA they would say “Well as long as you are not drinking and reading the big book I really don’t see any issue with you eating a few boys every once in awhile.

Les: I apologize I haven’t smoked in 9-10 days and my Wife got CHinses Food so I’m all fucking over the fucking fuck

SpaceDog: No ganja in Tuscany? Haha i had Chinese today i think the greasy ass egg roll threw me into a rage.

Les: I looked into where you can get it and like America either you know a fucking guy or find a guy that knows a fucking guy. They said students and places with a younger demographic areas were where to look. That though is just painfully fucking obvious. Italy does sell legal “Marijuana Light” called so because of its fucking low ass THC level.

SpaceDog: The O’douls of Reefer

Les: Bullseye!

SpaceDog: I guess Amsterdam or Portugal would be better, actually even Canada is better.

Les: Its low as fuck all compared to the killer shit America is growing now a days and shit. People called it “fake weed” and complained about it giving them headaches and shit.

SpaceDog: I mean the cheapest legal place is Uruguay but I’d be scarred I’d get abducted there. Yeah if its from a machine its bound to be crap.

Les: Yeah I do love weed but not even I am going fucking anywhere near Africa, fucking everything in Africa fucking kills you. There was a store that was faker than fuck called CANNABIS that I looked into after hearing a ton of people shit talking it. Everything says Marijuana on it BUT ITS CBD ONLY, no THC whatsofuckingever. Its a classic fucking bait and switch false advertising scam.

SpaceDog: Uruguay is in South Africa but Africa yeah 1000 x’s over i don’t wanna go there. Maybe Casablanca if i can go back in time to when the movie was made or ancient Egypt but fuck current Africa. Oh whoopee do LOL! Thought i did almost buy gummies with CBD and melatonin but the dude wanted $30.

Les: Its all derived from the same fucking plant, but these cunters where misleading people by making them think they’d get a buzz, but it was just CBD your not getting Amsterdam Merch Here.

SpaceDog: Oh yeah so i may be quitting beer specifically because that entitled douchbag supreme said he really liked beer 15-20 x’s during his hearing. Maybe i will start the red wine. That’s the only booze i projectile vomit. That’s always fun.

Les: Kavanaugh is a complete CUNT, that fuck is getting raped by Hitler in Hell the fucking piece of living breathing fucking shit. CASTRATE KAVANAUGH! Cut his rotten cock off. AND NOW the rancid pecker fucker ruined BEER?!! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. Is there any fucking thing Trump and his GOPieces of Shit don’t fucking shit all over for fucking fucks sake. Waterboard that Supreme Court Cunt with Natty ICE till he’s fucking deader than dead the asshole deserves it. Well if you gotta vomit projectile is the best way to go I believe.

SpaceDog: All things projectile is better except when you jazz past your face and have no idea where the wad landed.

Les: Who the fuck green lit Murphy fucking Brown 2018?! How the fuck is Candice Bergeron not dead as fuck?!

SpaceDog: Out of all the reboots (including Fuller House) it is by far the worst.

Les: Thats why I where a face mask when I jerk off.

SpaceDog: I fell asleep 3 different nights trying to watch.

Les: Yeah but unlike typically rebooted shit their continuing it like it never went off the air or some fuckshit, I mean Candice looks like a blonde Liza Minelli. Botox Bombed out Blound. I guess 45 to 50 fucking facelifts at least, and she still is older than fuck, and not that mush better looking in spite of the gross amount of Plastic Surgery. No one remembers that fucking show so in the end who fucking cares?! LMMFBO!

SpaceDog: They should remake this horrible show. Watch “Dangerous Women TV Show Intro” on Youtube. I vaguely remember my parents watching it and it not being very funny. Not the women murphy brown not so funny.

Les: Yeah it was all political as shit. “The Series Return” that’s how fuck me Fox is billing this Bullshattery.

SpaceDog: Only one I’m honestly glad returned from the dead is Will and Grace since no one seems to be in much of a hurry to do it. Christ sometimes i think I’m gonna have to do it myself. Though that Australian show with the gay guy was good. The Stuff nightmares are made of. It’s like they sewed together the faces of all the dead Golden Girls to remake hers.

Les: I think bringing back Will and Grace would definitely be interesting shit. TV has become boring as shit. I’d especially like to see it comeback under your direction. That be entertaining.

SpaceDog: Its been back gonna be year 2 this year.

Les: What Australian Show was that?! I must have missed that one? Getting older is a shit reason for being absent minded. What Really?! Dear fucking Christ on a cocking where the fuck have I been? Oh wait living under a fucking rock apparently.

SpaceDog: Please Like Me…..i think it’s on HULU. The main guy is gay but thats mostly it besides the guys he dates. It was on the networks on some weird channel i never heard of that got axed.

Les: Cool I just scored my Brother’s HULU password so GAME FUCKING ON!

SpaceDog: Do u use IMDB? If i sign up for an account, do you know if i can get alerted to when actors/actresses have new projects coming out? Like how Spotify tells me about albums and concerts.

Les: Sounds like one of those shows ahead of its time and shit so at the time the general moronic public couldn’t understand it and it met an untimely demise.

SpaceDog: Yeah its pretty fucking dark sarcasm humor not all daisies and bullcrap.

Les: I’m not even sure I can recollect what the hell IMDB is, I’m the Technology Anti-Christ or some shit.

SpaceDog: Internet movie database

Les: Dark Sarcasm I’m in.

SpaceDog: I see one hot guy in one movie and i cyberstalk everything they’ve been in.

Les: I really wish I knew of this database much fucking sooner.

SpaceDog: And drunk tweet them and shame delete in the morning.

Les: LMFBO! Shame Delete!!

SpaceDog: I just assumed everyone knew. I’ve been on the internet since AOL.

Les: Think we have all but been there. I’m a Techtard. I’m always having to fucking catch the hell up LMTB!

SpaceDog: The biggest “celeb” that responded was the sprint/Verizon guy. Can u hear me now? Trump would say thats bigly sad.

Les: That be trump for you that fat orange fucktard, that baby dick having bitch boy, could he want to fuck his daughter any more?!! The fat filthy son of a bitch scumfucking scumfucked scumfucker scumfuck! ORANGE WANK MAGGOT! I can’t WAIT to shit on Trump’s fucking grave. I’m talking downing Exlax like Beer before hand and a German Industrial Institutional Grade Enema on Site.

+I sent SpaceDog one of those Personalized Emojis that fucking look like you. It’s one of the really fucking random shit that just appears from time to time. Its Me holding the 50 pound Shit Emoji thats as big as my Avatars fucking head. And not only does the Shit Emoji have the classic Smile and Wide Eyes but this one has a bright pink ribbon on top. My avatars head is slightly tilted with a slight smile that makes me look like a fucking sociopath.+

Les: WTF is this emoji for?! I had to wait a fuck long time for an opening anyfuckingwhere to use this absurd fucking thing.

SpaceDog: Idk 1) when i tell you that may fiber is working? 2) I just gave someone Benefiber recently maybe then? 3) can’t wait to shit on your face 40 text it to the Wife immediately before you give her a Dutch Oven.

Les: It looks like I came to your house, rang your fucking doorbell, and then presented you with a 50 pound pile of shit emoji like some fucking welcome to the neighborhood type shit cake or perhaps its a congratulatory “Its a Girl” new born baby gift?! Or just plain old pile of shit thats as big as my fucking head with a bow on the bitch to make it what a fucking present?! IT FUCKING DOESN’T ADD UP BABYCAKES! #3 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Second Place #4.

SPaceDog: Third place i shit so hard your toilet is clogged u need a plumber. They need a guy with his asscrack showing emoji.

Around this Time Gorged on Opulent amounts of Chinese Take Out, and High as a fucking Kite I fell the fuck asleep so sue me. And thus concludes this installment of Les and SpaceDog’s Textology.

 

By Les Sober & SpaceDog 

Textpocalypse

More middle of the night synaptic storms rolling through the maze like minds of SpaceDog and Myself. Here is the abominable textversation that took place while the rest of the World Slept.

Enjoy.

(If you Read Further You May Have to EAT your own ASS to Survive.)

SpcaeDog: I wanted to ask you about sports bets but im clearly not being too persistent since you dont like sports

Les: Hey let me hit you up in a few. At post office trying to get my passassport updated and shit. Taking waaaaay too long in my opinion. I find Sports betting very interesting.

SpaceDog: Look at u ihop hooker I will be ur bookie lmfao

+SpaceDog texts me a picture on images.google of a Tennis Player who ass he is a fan of, and was wondering if I or my Wife had 2 cents to add. I said if I had an ass like that I’d be better at soccer. My Wife is not an “Ass Person” we were informed.+

+I sent back a Screen Shot I took of Twitter’s fucking Template Warning that my account had been locked, and because I “exhibited unusual behavior that violates Twitter Rules……”+

+I then sent a picture of Alex “Asshole” Jones because while all other social media platforms (i.e. FaceBook, Apple etc) banned Alex and his bullshit Infowhores Show (for promoting hate, encouraging violence, promoting fake news, spreading conspiracies like Sandy Hook was a Hoax and the Kids weren’t victim’s they were paid child actors) Twitter refused at that point to Ban Jones.

Ironically since then Twitter has banned Jones from Twitter and Periscope which it owns, ONLY AFTER ALEX HARASSED THE HOLY LOVING SHIT out of  Twitter’s CEO Jack Dorsey outside of the Senate Hearing  proceedings screaming shit like the mental patient he is about whatever bullshit was on his deranged mind.+

Fuck Alex “The Asshole Jerk Off” Jones, BACK TO THE MAFUCKIN TWEETS!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you! My My My! by Troyne Sivian. (SD then texted a Spotify Link to the song) Mac Miller died omg

Les: So did Burt Reynolds any relation to Ryan?! Who’s Mac Miller? Charging Landline, cell is cutting in and out like a bitch.

SpaceDog: Mac Miller omg lol there was gonna be a link but yolo lol

Les: I have all of his albums downloaded on my Spotify Account. 26.

SpaceDog: Yo i need to ask u who just drove me around here lol

Les: Yo Shorty yo knows who dat

SpaceDog: U knows my piece

Les: I been break dancing old school 80’s as a tribute to Mac Miller

SpaceDog: U know it might not be that bad. you were the best i ever had

Les: The Wallflowers yeah?

SpaceDog: Lmfao good man

Les: JACOB “SPERM OF BOB” DILLIAN (Dylan?) Whatever.

SPaceDog: Sperm of the last rock n roll mouth that had a good cock come out. Call job away.

+SpaceDog then texts me a picture of Frosty The Snowman sitting on a couch watching porn, and jerking off. It said “Dreaming of a White Christmas”+

+I then texted SpaceDog This: +

SpaceDog: Sry I hit wrong hate.

+I responded by sending SpaceDog a GIF of an Old Pissed Off Cartoon Man, Naked, Partially Flying-Partially Humping his way through Space with a Pop Tart covering his Junk and a Rainbow Shooting Continuously Shooting out of his ass.+

(NOTE TO READER: Earlier on in the evening during a phone call with SpaceDog I had mentioned some weird shit about when I turn 80 I’m going to automatically Gay.)

Les: Me at 80 and Gay as FUCK.

SpaceDog: Lol holy shit shit

Les: I had to buy this shit called Itchibon Ball Baum cuz I was shitting in the Woods, and my Ball Bag rubbed up against some poison Oak. Greeeeaaaaseeeeyyyy.

SpaceDog: Xid rt y. Urdy. Dirty Birdy lol.  Id love to write an f-yourblog about racial bullshit but idc because he white and been dead to me for 10 yeses.

Les: So fucking what about it? I’m confused as fuck currently. When I was shitting in the Woods a Group of Ticks crawled up my Ass Crack and started feeding by locking onto my Asshole. I had to floss my ass with a Pet Anti-Flea and Tick Collar.

SpaceDog: Ihj my my my

Less: Like a fucking Pesticide G String or some fucked up shit like that!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you…My My My! by Troye Sivan (SpaceDog texts me the Spotify link again)

Les: Got Chemical Burns on my goddamn butthole.

SpaceDog: Whyis tour. Utthile top 10 (SpaceDOg then texts a screen shot from Spotify’s screen for Sivan’s My My My)

Les: Sexy Shit. Gave me a boner, I’m gay now.

SpaceDog: oh babe sned me a forever stiff latex cocks its what us lesbos have. Lol huh?

Les: So Good, FO SHO FO SHO

SpaceDog: Oh have the gay i will have the cock

Les: FUCKING SPORTS! GO GAMECOCKS or just GO COCKS!

SpaceDog: The only games you Sout Cacalacy  know are the ones your cock play with ur anus. Go Auburn. ok danny boy haha

Les: Why are Chaos Magicians Such Assholes? Goddamn Google has an entry that fucking literally says that shit. WTF now Internet WTF NOW?!

+I then texted SpaceDog a Picture of a close up of some Woman lifting her skirt with a smiling Justin Beiber face covering her Vagina that reads “Justin Beaver+

SpaceDog: The only woman that hate u sing so lets swim into the show of ivy and let our rel3vquce ring.

Les: Justin Bieber bangs Bovines dirty Cow Fucker

SpaceDog: Thats it my boy thats it my friend we sing this song to ivy she falls to her end.

Les: S-A-V-A-G-E …Ivy what?!

SpaceDog: I tried to call with these words to see if your ivied face had been preserved but you werent my lover not my friend she’d killed you lil your dead heart bled.

Les: Rad

SpaceDog:Oh the south she bleeds icy gets at her kneeeeeees

Les: LmMfao!

SpaceDog: Song just crazy. Raised by far and praise by 5A breeze by 5555555 a brace by for a for Raid 5 hey Girl. Sorry our butter and our jam is getting confused i just my putang tout u in the rouse.

Hey u want a q better choice. Bye. I hope u like your life lol wherever he stands our truth is ib my text. Mohammed my friend my bot and jbow jt eas a girl…vack in Bethlehem bye love.

Les: I’m so using this shit as a blog post coming up soon for fucking sure. Abortions all Around. Muhammad is a Bot LMFBO! CLASSIC!

SpaceDog: Its a sham

Les: Sham Wow?

SpaceDog: Shaw wow cocaine teenage dream. Brooklynn bo ram Botox baby boom boomer. No seems….

#This is the point in the textversation where I think its safe to assume our Dear Friend and My Partner in Crime more than likely passed out.

My brain was still on fire so I just continued on.

Les:Sham Wow Hookers AND Cocaine Baby! The Ball Baum came in contact with the Chemical Burns on my butthole ant it spontaneously Combusted, and now I have 3rd degree burns on my asshole.

Ancient Chinese Proverb: Man who sleeps with itchy ass wakes up with stinky finger.

A round of Finger Fucking for All. Can you fuck a Prolapsed asshole because that shit should be a fucking porn fetish/YouPorn Category. WTF is up with this Docking shit anyways?!

I was wiping my ass and my finger broke through the toilet paper and the tip of my finger grazed my asshole, does that make me gay?!

If your gay and horny and there only women around why not just fuck one in the ass?!

Is Necro Cannibalism better or worse than Necrophilia?! For NEcrophiliacs are Zombies a Deal Breaker?! Just when it comes to NEcrophiliacs the Deader the Better right. Zombie Babies don’t want to suckle your teat they want to EAT IT.

Giving Birth is like the fucking movie “Aliens” a small, bloody, slime covered living creature tears out of your genitals screaming like a son of a bitch. But worse because of the whole genitals over stomach shit.

If I’m Self Employed can I sue myself for Sexual Harassment?! What if you got a restraining order against yourself, I mean how would that shit work exactly I ask you?!

AT this point I was running on intoxicated fumes and quite texting in favor of Smoking Weed and then Sleep.

Brought to You By,

Les Sober & SpaceDog 

Madness Beyond Midnight: Les Unleashes Atomic Text Bomb

 

I’m not a morning person, nor am I an Afternoon person. I am the typical Night Owl exemplified a thousand fold. I get my so called second wind around 10:30-11:00pm and by say 2 am I’m up and running firing on all cylinders.

I have a tendency to text bomb Spacedog since he doesn’t mind fielding an avalanche of texts at all hours of the night, and more importantly Spacedog is one of the very few people I can write/text/say anything to. Thus I text the most extremely perverted, obscene, Absurd, Foul, Offensive, Insulting, Outrageous, Raunchy, Demented, Insanely Crazy, Controversial, Unorthodox, and “WTF” texts his way.

Last Night was no acceptation. The following are texts I sent to Spacedog starting at 1:49am with the last text sent around 3:00am.

1:49am The Insanity Ensues:

My Feet Wreak Of Scotch

It was actually a decent dinner party until Eric tickled Theresa’s twat, and one of his sausage fingers slipped through her beef curtains ending up knuckle deep in her happy humping hole. At that point we were all kicked the hell out drunk as drunk can be into the nefarious night.

Bollywood has an emerging Pornography industry that has actual 4 hour long fucking musical orgies of Singing, Sexing, Dancing & Dicking with the Super Slutty Cunny Sutra.

My New Favorite Insult: “Go Fucking Fist Yourself” or “Go Fist Fuck Your Face”

Karl got his cock cut off down at the Slimy Sausage Packaging Plant by humping on a Industrial Disemboweling-Internal Organ Processing Machine.

“DAMN THESE ELECTRIC SEX PANTS!”

Masa Clitty world renowned Scottish Folk Singer and Exquisite Anal Gaping Artist

Look Into The Eye Of My Ass To See What Shit IS Going Down.

Feel the Wrath of a Drunk Skunk Rage Humping Your Leg and Cumming on your socks for Spite.

Over Time How Far Do Vaginal Lips Sag as they head South?!

I’m suffering the onset symptoms of Saggy Senior Scrotum Aging Disorder, so I scheduled an appointment to Botox my Balls Tomorrow at 5:30 the AMs

Phil was a generally smart motherfucker who was killed by a Cannibal when he mistakenly told the Cannibal to “Eat My Ass”

The Young Cocksman Vs. The Salty Yogurt Singers for the Best New Porno Punk Rock Group 2017

If He Be a She and She Be a He then aren’t we just back where we started?!

New Porn Title: Licking Lot Lizards: The Trucker Fucker Union

Boner Toner For All Your Porn Star Needs.

I’m not giving coal to the people I deem to have been naughty this year. Instead I will be giving them 3 Pounds of Unwashed Wild Pif Pubes.

Sci Fi Porn is just Fucking With Phasers.

SciFi Pornos: All Alien Anal 11

HOLY ANAL GAPING GOPHERS BATMAN!

Can Drag Queens hide their Balls by sticking them in their butts?!

Justin Bieber’s Man Beaver

My New Death Metal Punk Band is Called THE MANGLED MANGINAS

Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Off, and Get It Out

They be Swank Fucking Fancy.

TODAY AT 5:56am Text From Spacedog

Hi. New Blog? Lol

Thanks for Das READ,

Les Sober 

 

Obliterated Sunshine By Spacedog

.One cold and rainy day in September, I layed my head down for a short nap. I had a few plans for that day, no more then most days, but felt a certain comfort and a certain ease in my steps. It was about to happen. The clouds that had gathered in a firestorm around my head were beginning to clear up from their eternal misery and gloom. I carefully placed my head on that pillow. He was next to me. He who could exist only as a dream, as a figment of my imagination was breathing right there. I had to pinch myself to believe that everything that was happening to me really was. It’s always like that pinch or suffocate, pinch or suffocate. The greatest day of my life or just Halloween all over again. I closed my eyes. I thought if I kept my eyes closed that time would stand still. It really doesn’t, you just don’t really age at all. It’s like virtual Botox. Anyway…..time was not standing still it only felt like that illusion, it was that illusion for that moment. I fell face first into that illusion. I didn’t have time to catch myself as my right cheekbone crashed into the tar of the road. I forgot to pack my angel’s wings and couldn’t prevent the cascade of gloom doom richotting down my spine. And then I was awake. I was here typing this blog. Here but really gone. Enigma speaks from her cave atop the highest mountain. The villagers perch their ears to listen. AWAKE? No, it never really was a dream. It was reality. Long obliterrated sunshine. The memories having been forgetten, no longer really exist. They only exist in my own head, only as real as Ebeneezer Scrooge or Hayden Caufield or Anne of Green Gables. They are real, but if you are the only one left that can remember what once was, should we hold on to these things or leave them long forgetten? I am a firm believer in the mind. I know what it is I am here to do (shhhhh I’m not telling) and believe that is something else forgetten. Not obliterated forgotten. I only wish my obliterrated sunshine could rise yet again but that would be like hoping for 90 degree weather in Alaska. The sun may rise again but it will never be warm enough to cascade into where things reach comfort. More of an uneasy chill. Nah. I would much prefer the dark of the moon. The sun can play her games with me another day.