Tag: Britain

I CAN COUNT TO THREE (Teaching Preschoolers To Count Using Corpses)

Welcome to Wednesday’s FYB post with none other than I Justin Sane. The holidays are a hellish consumer driven commercialist blitzkrieg of chaos and cash, and yup its that time of fucking year so JOY OH JOY. In addition to the end of the year lunacy Les recently took on a major fucking project and has been working himself towards certain insanity. So he nor Otto (who is being more of a moody fuck than usual) had anything planned for todays post and that’s where I come in with today’s post featuring the Animated Short I CAN COUNT TO THREE by The Mighty Animator known as MeatCanyon!

I CAN COUNT TO THREE is one of many various parodies that MeatCanyon has done since he seems to get a guine kick out of doing them. I CAN COUNT TO THREE is a parody of the British preschool animated tv series Peppa Pig by Astly Baker Davis. The series star is an animated female Pig named Peppa who is happier than a motherfucker and positive as fuck. In MeatCanyon’s parody Peppa is unexplainably transformed into some sort of monstrously demonic murderous mutant. The now evil Peppa proceeds to kill and consume her husband, and then promptly chases down her 2 kids who she also precedes to murder and devour 1 by 1. All the while as the violent bloody gore plays out there is a narrator who is using the horror show as a lesson to teach preschoolers on how to count to three.

It’s important to note there is a remake of the  MeatCanyon’s original also titled I CAN COUNT TO THREE titles Peppa Pig Horror Shorts and Creepy Blood Violence Gore which has a shorter runtime and far less narration (also the animation is different in the remake). I have no clue who is behind this reboot but I know whoever the fuck they are they are fucking idiots and total assholes. Who asked them to fuck with I CAN COUNT TO THREE in the first fucking place? ALSO be sure to watch the entire video since MeatCanyon himself makes an appearance directly after the video where he addresses the topics of Instagram, Mark Zuckerberg, and Twitter among other things.

WARNING: This Video May Be Disturbing To Some Viewers. The Following Video Contains Scenes Of Violence, Bloodshed, And Gore. There We Covered Our Asses Just In Case.

See you when I see you,

  Justin Sane

Monday Make Up For Last Week’s Short Horror Film Friday: HOME EDUCATION

Welcome to FYB’s Make Up Monday Post Featuring the British Short Horror Film HOME EDUCATION Written and Directed by Andrea Niada. One thing I Noticed in this Film are the Following Three Reoccurring Topics: An Unhealthy obsession with Dust, Rot/Rotting, and Taxidermy. Well I don’t know about You, but that Definitely Peeks My Curiosity.

Plot: An Inquisitive Girl is Indoctrinated by Her Controlling Fanatic of a Mother that Her Recently Deceased Father will Resurrect Himself if They are able to Show how much They Love, Cherish, and Miss Him. The Daughter Dutifully follows Her Mother’s Lead that is, until Her Father Begins to Rot.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

Senior Citizens & The Sex Shop Showdown

One Day I was hanging out with my dear friend The Armenian at his Grandmother’s house drinking Gin and Tonics of all fucking things. For the record I hate Gin, and think the only people on Earth who should drink it are The British Elderly. My personal feelings aside Gin was all We could steal from My Mother’s Liquor Cabinet the previous night.

Once We were dead drunk We wondered around and came upon a Bus Stop so We got on the next Bus that came without regard to where it was actually going. 10 minutes or so later We found out that it went to the local Mall. This was of course AFTER We had gotten OFF the Bus. We stumbled around trying to find a way to get the fuck away from the Mall when We came across a couple of Girls named Ryder and Debs (Short for Debra) sitting outside a Mall exit. They happened to live in the neighboring town of Addison which was cool because We were sick of the girls in our town.  We struck up a conversation, and short story short We became friends with some romantic relationship shit along the way.

It was a slow Sunday when The Armenian and I were doing a lot of nothing when We decided to head over to Addison to do a lot of more nothing with Ryder and Debs. We drove over and picked up Ryder and Debs and proceeded to drive around aimlessly smoking pot and talking shit. This was our favorite time killing pastime as our towns were small and full of Assholes.

Once We succumbed to the so called “Munchies” We stopped at a Local Diner called The Crystal Diner on Route 99. Now Route 99 was the main highway and commercial strip that ran through Addison. It housed everything from Grocery Stores, Fast Food Restaurants, bowling ally, a 2 screen movie theater, a Dunkin Donuts, Clothing Stores, Etc.

The most note worthy thing about Old Route 99 was at the far end running out of town nestled between a Gas Station and a Music store back from the road was a Adult Book Store (AKA Porn Shop). The Porn Shop was a small grey cinder block building with a Blacked out front window and parking in back. The Crystal Diner just so happened to be located across the street a few doors to the right. As We came out of Crystal The Armenian noticed there was quite a commotion going on over at the Porn Shop. This was something that could not and should  be ignored and We headed off words the Porn Shop on foot.

As We got closer We saw that there was a decent sized group (13-15) of Senior Citizens gathered outfronnt of the Porn Shop Entrance. Once We got to the edge of the Porn Shop’s tiny front parking lot We couldn’t believe what We had come across. The Senior Citizen’s were a all female Neighborhood Church Group protesting the Porn Shop in a growing intensity. They were waving signs saying shit like “Sex is for Procreation NOT Recreation”, and shouting “Hell No The Smut Must Go!” while waving their hands in the air.

We stood there smoking cigarettes watching this drama unfold. Finally it was getting old and We were about to go back to the car when the shit hit the fan. 3-4 of the Little Old Ladies bum rushed into the Porn Shop. A minute or so later one of the Little Old Ladies came out and held the entrance door wide open. The next thing anyone knows Sex Toys and Porno Movie DVDs come flying out the door and rain down in the parking lot. This really riled up the other Little Old Ladies into a Senior Insanity driven Frenzy as they started shouting encouragement to the “In Store Invaders” as it were. There’s nothing as absurdly entertaining as watching one Little Old Lady throw a Neon Pink Double Headed Dildo out of a Porn Shop while another Little Old Lady Shouts “Sex Toys are for SINNERS!” or a Little Old Lady picking up a Inflatable fuck doll (that happens to be a fucking Alien, it was like 6’4″, Black Almond Shaped Alien Eyes, “Total Recall” Tits (3), and Purple) and waving it wildly around screaming “Alien Sex Dolls are an Abomination !!!”

 

At last the Police Showed up to disband the Senior’s and We took off post haste as We hated Cops and were Holding a Variety of Substances in our car. To this day I can close my eyes and see the entire ordeal which still makes me laugh my cinical ass off every time without fail my friends.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober