I apologize for the Last 4 Days of Dead Air for Lack of a Better Term in Our Posting of New Content. Thus it Only seems Fare to Let You know some of the Reasons Why so Please Refer to the Following.
Well it has become Apparent the Stand Off with the Neighbors is Going to be a Real Motherfucker. Being Impatient as Impatient can be I broke down and called My Contractor for Assistance. My Contractor “Fatback” Billy gladly came over with a Big Ass Chainsaw and Deposed of the Mess that consisted of a/the Neighbor’s Tree that had fucking Collapsed onto Our Property Royally fucking Up Park of Our Fence. “Fatback” Billy then Repaired the Fence even though He repeatedly Stated that He wasn’t a Fence Guy, but He’d do His Best. By doing this I had opted to Pay Out of fucking Pocket for the Clean up/Repair Now, and Seek Restitution of Sorts a Bit Later with Said Neighbors when the Timing was Better.
To be Completely Honest the Issue isn’t even about the fucking Money or Any Money whatsoever. As Far as I’m fucking concerned it’s the Sole Principle of the Matter at Hand that is the Important. For Me the Principle of the Matter is No One likes when shit like this Happens because it’s a Huge Pain in the Ass to Remedy Usually. Unfortunately though in this Case it did fucking Happen so Let’s Deal with it like fucking Adults . What I mean by Adult is simply Let’s Try and be Decent while Dealing with the Issue since We’ve Established Previously Sucks.
With that Said Needless to Say the Neighbor’s have been Nothing but Utter and Complete fucking Dicks, I talking Full Blown Full On Assholes of the Highest Caliber. Of Course I’m going to Immediately take Exception to that because if I have to “Play Nice” then So fucking Do You. Thus We find Ourselves Currently in the Eye of a Shiticane for Now at Least. Fucking Neighbors.
On a Brighter and Far Better note We managed to Haphazardly at the Last fucking Minute to Reschedule Our Vacation that We missed it initially Due to an Absolute Asshole Actually Parked in the Middle of the Road. You see After the Accident We got a Rental Car because Out here in The Woods there is NO Public Transportation Or Uber, and Walking Distance is given in Miles. The Only issue with the Rental (which was Actually Pretty Decent as Rentals go) was the Insurance would Only cover it for So Long thus We ultimately needed a New Car to Replace the Wrecked One.
The Process was the Standard Basic Standard of a Pain in the Brain. I do have to say that My Auto Insurance Company did conduct Their business in a Timely and Polite Fashion, and that I truly Appreciate it. So the Day after the Crash Our Auto Insurance sent a Claims Adjuster or The Guy Who Informs You How Fucked Your Car (and Thus You in Turn) Actually Are. This One was an Easy Job for the Claims Adjuster because the Car was Obviously Totaled.
This is where I nearly had a fucking Heart Attack simultaneously with a Massive Stress induced Aneurysm when I find out The Check for the Totaled Car DOESN’T Cover My Wife’s Car Loan. Also to My Wife at that Particular Point COULDN’T Remember if She had or Had Not Bought Gap Insurance when She Purchased the Car (again Honestly I fucking Forgot Too so that didn’t fucking Help Either).
This meant IF My Wife had in Fact Bought the Gap Insurance when it was Offered at the Time of Purchase it would Cover the Remainder of the Loan, and We’d Break Even which was fucking Fine by Us. If though She Hadn’t gotten the Gap Insurance Option We’d still be on the Hook for around $6,000 or So. Again it wasn’t Necessarily the Loss of Money (though it Didn’t fucking Help a lick for fuck’s Sake), but the Principle of the Matter.
What I mean is if the fucking Car is Totaled and the Auto Insurance Guys Report it’s fucking Totaled WHY fuck would I still be Obligated to Pay Off the fucking Loan. The Car is a Complete Loss, Utterly Unrepairable, Yet the Auto Loan Sacks of Shit are Going to make Us Pay Off the Loan in Full for like I said a Car that NO LONGER for all intents and Purposes fucking Exist Anymore. It’s Only Good for Scrap Metal. Talk about a Financial Fuck You. Thank the Universe My Wife did have the Foresight to Purchase Gap Insurance and We narrowly Dodged that Bullet.
Though We were Happy as Hell to Not be Shafted by Unnecessary or Unjust Financial Debt We had just bought the Previous Car less than a Year ago, and Now found Ourselves in the Exact same Place. We had come Full fucking Circle Back to Square One. There was Small But VERY SIGNIFICANT Acceptation this Time Around that was a Bonafide Game Changer.
My Mother as it were had been Away Summering in the North as She is Apt to Do when She was Hit from Behind sitting at a Traffic Light. In the End Her Car was Reported as Totaled because the Impact had Bent the Car’s fucking Frame thus making it a Complete fucking Write Off. Now it is Important for Clarification Purposes that My Mother being the Obsessive Micro Manager that She is God Bless Her DID NOT MAKE AN IMPULSE BUY, it was in Fact an IMPATIENT BUY. The Different being She was so Impatient to Return to the Southern Country to Check in on Everything and Everyone She made a Quick (and Inappropriate) Purchase. She made sure it was a Safe and Reliable Car with Good Gas Mileage and all that Happy Horseshit, BUT She still Longed for Her Recently Lost (Totaled) Car None the Less.
Most People when They By a Car text Pictures and Babble incessantly about it to Everyone under the Sun it Seems, Yet My Mother didn’t. She Texted one Picture of Her New Car with a Caption Reading “My Boring New Car” and “It’s an Ugly Color” for Example. She Then promptly Named the Car Boring in French. All My Mother did was Compare Her New Car to the Old One and Depressively Point out the Various Differences in Options Blah, Blah, Blah. Well when She came and Rescued the Big Dog’s from the Accident Site and Later She gave The Big Dogs and I a ride Home noticed My Mother had started to Once again Point out Things She didn’t like about Her New Car.
The Thing is Last Time My Wife had Bought a Car She had Test Driven the Same Car My Mother had Purchased. The Only reason She didn’t Buy the Exact Same Car was She got a Better Deal Dollar Wise on the Second Car in Consideration. I decided to take a Chance and Informed My Mother that if She didn’t actually like He knew Car (and I was guessing the Idea of a Do Over would make Her fucking Day) that She could Sell it to My Wife.
By the Time We arrived back at Base Camp My Wife had already been dropped off by the Tow Truck Driver on His was to the Local Tow Yard. My Wife Echoed the Exact same sentiment as I had thus really Driving the Idea Home. What can I say other than it Worked the Next Day My Mother was Out Hitting Up Dealerships looking for the EXACT SAME CAR as the one She Lost. The Only Tricky Part was that Particular Make and Model had Discontinued by the Company that made it. Apparently and Get this it was TOO fucking Popular and They Maker’s were making Too Much Money Hand over Fist, but I digress.
Well to make a Long Story a Little Shorter One thing Lead to Another and by the Time We had to relinquish the Rental Car My Mother and My Wife had Worked Out all the Needed Details. As it Turns Out for Reasons that I will Not go into because I find them Tedious My Mother Gave (or in Tax Terms Gifted) My Wife the Car so We now have the Luxury of Not be Bleed By a Long Term Car Loan from a Bunch of Son of a Bitch Bankers.
Speaking of Which When My Mother Finalized the purchase of Her most current Car the Money Man tried to get one Over on My Mother buy Selling Her a Warranty She didn’t Need or Want to the Tune of $400. My Mother was Worn Out at the Time and Made a Note to Double Check this Warranty Bullshit which She did. You must Understand that as Far as Anyone can or could Tell My Mother looks and Behaves like a Classic Little Old Lady, but if You fuck with Her or Her Money then You’re going to End up the One Who gets Fucked. She made just one Phone Call the Following Day to the Car Dealership where She bought the Car, and I have No Clue what the fuck She Said Yet the Reactions She got was Poetic Justice. The Money Man Himself called to Apologize and Immediately Refund My Mothers Money. It didn’t End there as My Mother received several Extremely Apologetic Phone Calls from the Car Dealership’s Management.
Looks like this Post that was Supposed to Cover All of The So Called Bases as Some might be Apt to Say, but I’m going to Split it into 2 Parts since I’m fully aware the Longer the Post the more of a Strain it is On the Eyes and Attentions Span. So Keep Your Eyes out for “Glimpse Behind The Cloak Part 2: Next Stop the Great Southern Swamp.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober