Tag: casual sex

G.O.A.T and Your M.O.M

Many years ago a buddy of mine showed me an episode of the TV show TOSH.0 he had recorded previously. The main feature of the show was a viral video starting the band G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. playing their now infamously famous song “Quack Like A Duck” at someone’s lame ass backyard party (or whatever kind of get together it was it’s kind of unclear). The video had everyone on the internet wondering who the hell was the older frontman who wears only a cape, cowboy hat, and a thong (which are all American flag themed) when preforming.

The answer to the question of who was this band is it’s lead singer and frontman  are G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. an acronym that stands for  GOD OF ALL TEXAS AND YOUR MASTERS OG MENACE (the origins of the name are unknown, but  most people presume its linked to the location of the band. The band is a Novelty Alternative Rock band formed back in 2007 and are based out of Austin, Texas.  Now this band would make a shit ton more sense if you changed the context from grown adults to the more appropriate high school freshman garage band. I say this because the band’s lyrics are inappropriate with sexually charged lyrics, and the music is pretty fucking basic (there’s NO Grammies in these guys future). Thats why my first impression was “Who the fuck are these lame ass adults acting like they’re hormone ravaged high school teenagers?”, and immediately dismissed the band as nothing more than a pathetic joke (just like another band THE MENTORS). I addition to the immature lyrics and basic musical talent GOAT is know for his brand of sexual dancing involving the shaking of GOATS junk. I saw one video where he played a tambourine by hitting it with his thong covered package.

                    

Then recently something someone said reminded me that G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. actually existed since I had completely put them out of my mind until then. My initial opinion had remained unchanged regardless of my shitty memory, BUT this time around I slowly found myself abandoning my disgust in favor of laughter. The more I laughed the more the band grew on me like a fucking rash as I started to view them more as an odd ball joke instead of a bunch of untalented adults still dreaming of being rock starts. Before soon I was in what I refer to as “rubber necking” territory since you don’t wanna look at the car crash that’s causing the traffic jam you’re stuck in. You tell yourself you won’t look because it’s a morbid curiosity, and if it was you involved in the accident you wouldn’t want people driving by staring. Accept we all know in spite of your telling your self not to look and running through the reasons not to look INEVITABLY when you get to the head of the traffic jam YOU DAMN WELL DO LOOK. This is how I now feel about G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. like a horrible car crash that you cannot help looking at even if you believe you don’t want to.

The band consists of an average of 3 Members being Micheal Anthony Gerard (aka GOAT) on vocals/bass, Bubba Spunk on drums, Toni Gnosis on guitar, and part time member Eric Houser on bass when GOAT is more preoccupied with singing. The band are available for hire, and have played at weddings and other associated venues. They also have a single a 12 song live album titled “Dvck Hvnt” (and if you know the band that doesn’t stand for “duck hunt”, but more likely its an alternate spelling of “Dick hunt”).

                   

Video playlist:

  • G.O.A.T. and Your M.O.M. “Quack Like a Duck” (Live)
  • Quack Like A Duck: Explained by GOAT Himself
  • Quack Like A Duck: Explained by GOAT Himself: Part 2 (butt of corpse)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – 1st Date (2016)(Live)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – DP
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – Hotter Than Hell (Live)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – Thot U Were My Friend (Live 4/14/2016)
  • G.O.A.T. and Your M.O.M. – Butternut Squash

PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE G.O.A.T AND YOUR M.O.M!!!

HEY LOOK IT’S SOME BONUS SHIT!!!

“QUACK LIKE A DUCK” LYRICS:

[Chorus]

  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • Can you buck like a horse when we fuck
  • Can you take every inch up your butt
  • Can you shit on my chest for good luck
  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • Can you fart on my balls when we fuck
  • Can you stick your whole tongue up my butt
  • Can you shit on my chest for good luck
  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • [VERSE]
  • Give it a suck
  • Give it a fuck
  • But you ain’t cute enough to where I want to
  • knock you up
  • And if you swallow it whole can you take it up
  • the butt
  • Now I might keep you around long enough to
  • bust a nut
  • Well I want to knock you down
  • Cause I want to knock you up
  • All I really want to do is fuck you in the butt
  • Then you turn around and then you suck it up
  • While your girlfriend’s behind me with her
  • tongue right up my butt
  • [Chorus Repeat]
  • [Verse Repeat]

NOTE TO READER: GOAT is a life long heavy metal fan so it’s worth pointing out there 2 heavy metal references in Butternut Squash. The first is the phrase used throughout the song “Caught in a mosh” which just so happens to be a song by the heavy metal legends Anthrax. The second is “cherry pie” which was a song by the lame hair metal band Warrant. In addition to these two specific references you can see in the Video’s DP and Butternut Squash that whatever room the band is playing in has several Heavy Metal flags/posters for other Metal Legends such as Metallica and Iron Maiden.)

See you wench I see you,

   Justin Sane   

Chances

My phone rang one desolate, dank, and cold evening.

She asked for Carlos.

I told her she had the wrong number.

She called back.

She called back a third time.

   

My jack and coke told me that I was bored.

So we talked.

For thirty minutes.

A strange girl and myself.

I don’t talk to strange women.

Women have cooties.

       

So we went on a date. It was rather bizarre. A date with a woman. We met. She was a pretty girl, but I think I was just being nice when I told her this. She liked pixie sticks and newports. I had both of these in my pocket at the time as well. We hit it off somewhat. We saw a movie. Then sanity kicked in and I  never saw her again.

This was the ultimate chance meeting. I wanted to say I went out with my wrong number girl. If I was bi, I would have gotten in her pants so I could say I have sex with people that dial the wrong number. But I had already pilfered my friends phone line one day and made dates with six different guys who were actually calling him. My phone booth whore days have long since vanished.

       

GOOD VS. EVIL

Some chances we take have results not always visible to the naked eye. We take a chance on lending a friend money. Let say $500. That person promises to pay us back but everytime we ask them for our money the subject is changed. We hear about their abusive boyfriend, we hear about how expensive gas is, we hear about their drunken sister.

Then we suddenly remember this person is single. Then we remember gas is like a buck fifty a gallon. Then we recall they don’t have a sister.

So we stop asking.

         

We try not to harm the friendship in this person’s mind even though they might be harming it in ours but not making any attempts to pay us back. They don’t seem to have much of a consciousness or a soul when it comes to these things. Then you think for a second that you are being too harsh. Then you find out another friend of yours lent this person money and never saw a dime of it either.

Several weeks pass by. You have a few drinks at your friend’s house and fall asleep on the couch. In the morning you part ways and find your wallet to be short a few bills. You go home. You wonder what to say. Whether to say anything. What you say is ignored. So you keep silent.

     

Then we go off into the night.

Then we try and forget this person existed.

We hear rumors about their plight.

We hear sordid fairy tales, most likely a melody of facts and fables, everywhere we turn.

We wonder what went wrong, why we took such a chance on them.

Why couldn’t he have been honest? Why can’t we tell the truth and be honest for once?

 

BLACKMAIL

I like the way you look at me.

I like the way you brush your hair.

I think your eyes are a glimpse into heaven.

I know you had sex in your car last night. I am going to rat your ass out.

 Yup sometimes we are lucky little ones and aren’t always the ones with our hand caught in the cookie jar. We catch other people’s hands in the cookie jar quite often too. I was involved in one of these situations before. Well shit I seem to have been involved in many of these situations, who am i kidding?.

Sometimes all we have to do is shut up and listen. You can hear drama from quite a distance.

        

All of the thoughts in my head told me to go for the money. Extort! Extort! Extortitionaaayyyy! I need a vacation I thought to myself. I chose to have a conscience. I laughed about it with the dude, who was the “other woman”. The months worth of laughter provided much more valuable than any payment plans.Chance provided a good chuckle.

CONCLUSIONAIRE

We all take chances. Sometimes they take us.

We have the power in ourselves to determine the final outcome.

Time may have had its way with you.

Time may be your best friend.

        

But when the time comes to make your mark.

Will you actually take that chance you have been dying to take your whole life?

Or will you let time have its way with you and regret those leaps of faith?

Those chances you can’t take back.

Those choices that beckon forth your reaper. 

I simply call him Dismay.

  By SpaceDog

The Hypocrisy Of MTV And The American Viewer

Many moons ago at this point MTV (or better known back in the day as Music Television because 1,000 years ago they actually played music videos 24-7) aired a American remake of the British hit show “Skins” that followed a group of high school friends daily lives, interactions, relationships and so on.

Now again its fucking funny how here in America we tout our FREEDOM OF SPEECH allowed us by the 1st Amendment, BUT then the government creates the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) who’s sole job is to censor tv, radio, print news and are attempting, and failing so far miserably to say the least, the Internet via Social Media.

The FCC is not the only one to blame for its the American public that likes to think we are culturally evolved, and armed with the 1st Amendment we believe we are a socially open and accepting of art in any form. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In the original British version the teens portrayed in the show did engage in Smoking Pot (which in America is legal in 25 states or 1/2 of America) ,and TOTALLY illegal in Briton though their attitude towards Marijuana has always be more liberal and lax then in American historically speaking.

The teenage characters also drank beer/booze freely, BUT remember in Briton the legal drinking age is 18. Not to mention Alcohol is the 1st intoxicant (fact Google it) teens try first. Though in the Pharmaceutical age Pills are replacing alcohol at an alarming rate, but thats another story.

The High School characters (played by high school age kids, not 20-30 somethings pretending to be high school students like Beverly Hills 90210 bullshit, or 21 Jump Street) surprise, surprise have sex. NOW this is not to say or imply gratuitous sex complete with nudity. In fact the scenes were no more offensive than a basic American movie love scene or tamer even. You see the teens start to hook up kissing and shit, and then the camera fadeout or transitions to the next scene. You also at times saw the teen couple lying in bed (completely covered again NO NUDITY) after having sex, BUT you NEVER saw the teens actually having simulated sex with each other.

MTV saw the popularity of the show in Briton and decided since Hollywood has died due to being void of new ideas/creative concepts that they’d just take a British hit show, Americanize it, and enjoy the high ratings. That never even came close to happening. What did happen was the American public went absolutely apeshit and caused a massive public backlash. Americans were horrified by the drinking, appalled at the Pot smoking ,and utterly repulsed even by the idea of FICTIONAL TEEN TV SHOW CHARACTERS hooking up in ANY way what so ever.

There 2 issues I have with the American public on this subject. One being the age old conundrum of sex vs. violence. American’s bitch constantly about violence on tv (and every where else for that matter) BUT when it comes to sex violence becomes acceptable. George R.R. Martin once said in an interview about his hit HBO series “Game of Thrones” (based on his books) “It never stops amazing me how on the show people get angry over the showing of a naked breast when in the next scene a mans head is cut in half with a Battle Ax in extremely graphic detail.” I couldn’t agree more Americans are hypocritical when it comes to sex, violence or both.

The second issue I have is with the American public AND MTV. The American Public freaked the fuck out over “Skins” subject matter and portrayal of teens sex lives, BUT heres the HYPOCRISY. While enraged at the behavior of FICTIONAL characters the American public had no problem with MTV’s other show “16 and Pregnant”. The show “16 and Pregnant” was a reality tv show that followed REAL LIFE UNDERAGE PREGNANT TEEN MOTHERS, their families, their friends , and occasionally the TEENAGE FATHER.

If Americans claim to be free yet their actually restricted as fuck, and the American public are NOT socially enlightened at all in fact their predominately MENTAL MIDGETS offended by damn near everything. So how the hell do Americans justify condemning a FICTIONAL SHOW because of its content and because of how it could influence/affect American teens in real life, BUT fully endorse and embrace a tv show that damn near glamorized underage high school pregnancies?!

What the fuck is exactly wrong with Americans who claim to be accepting but are ANYTHING but based on American social norms?!

END THE HYPOCRISY AND TRULY UTILIZE THE FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT. The world s full of sex, drugs, drinking, and socially unacceptable behavior so restricting Television shows based on “objectionable” content won’t accomplish a fucking thing.

CENCORSHIP IS UNAMERICAN.

FIGHT THE FCC.

FUCK HYPOCRACY IN ALL ITS FORMS.