The Other Day My Mother Texted My Wife and I asking if We’d like to have Lunch at a New Little Marina Restaurant She’d found out about. You see there Several Marina/Campgrounds Out Our Way catering to the Outdoor People Crowd. If you want to Hike it, Bike It, Fish It, Hunt it, Sail It, Or Off Road with it You’d find it Heavenly.
Never being Ones to turn down a Free Meal We texted back Sure Thing. It only took about Half an Hour to get there which really isn’t so fucking Bad out Where We live (in the Middle of Absolutely No Where USA). Usually it takes a minimum of about 45 minutes to get most Populated places around here, but the real Rule of thumb is if You Need or Want something it’s Generally an Hour away.
We pulled into the Campground and proceeded to drive down a long and rather winding White Gravel Makeshift Road pass Line after Line of Older Single Wide Mobile Homes. The Mobile Homes were Rented Out by the Campground as Cabins for Their Customers. While it’s true a Single Wide Trailer is ABSOLUTELY NOT A FUCKING CABIN ANYWHERE ELSE I’M AWARE OF, BUT HERE IT IS. We Drove on until the Road Dead Ended in a Tiny cramped Parking lot that could only accommodate 7-8 Cars tops.
We parked and hopped on out pausing a moment to took at the River Way for a Minute before heading Inside. It was Nothing Fancy that was for fucking sure, but I’m low as low maintenance can get so I was quite Entertained by it all. It’s Your Typical Garden Variety Marina Restaurant / Bait & Tackle Shop only it’s a Small Establishment with Limited Space to work with.
When You enter Your in the Dining Area with a Handful of Tables squeezed into one of the Building’s Corners. To Your left there was a long Non Descriptive Cashier’s Counter that had all kinds of Fishing Gear Like Hooks, Weights, Fillet Knifes, a expansive array of Fishing Lures, Line, and signs Pertaining to the multiple kinds of Live Bait (Such as Crickets, Several Varieties of Worms and Feeder Fish) hanging on the wall behind it.
The Entire back Half of the Building housed the Bait & Tackle Store with all the usual fare like Baseball Hats, Bandanas, T-Shirts, Cheap Styrofoam Coolers, Beer/Soda Coozies, Fishing Poles, Tackle Boxes, Fishing Line, Boat Assorted Boat Supplies, a Variety of Pocket Knifes, Boots, Bug Spray, Bottle Openers, Camouflage Clothing of all Types, Ammunition, Gun Racks, American Flag Merch, Stupid Souvenir Shot Glasses, Cheesy Key Chains, and Everything else a Hunter, Fisher, Boater or Cookie Cutter Tourist would Need on any given Day.
So We took a Seat at One of the Tables and Started to pour over the Very Simple Menu (No Five Star Shit Here). AT least Half the fucking Menu was basic Bar Food AKA Anything You can Drop into a fucking Fryer. There was one page of “Dinner Entrees” that gave off a Vibe to Avoid Them. The Waitress walked over like She a Night of The Living Dead Extra that didn’t make the Cut at Casting. There was no Hello or Smile about it She came over and asked Us our Drink Order in a Depressed Tone of Voice that seemed to say “Hey I’ve Given Up On Life.” before Shuffling off like She was Heavily Medicated with fucking Thorazine.
She took her sewer ass time getting back, and when She did She handed Us our Drinks which where just Bottles of Soda She had snagged from the Bait & Tackle Shop with No Glass or Straw option offered. The Disheveled Waitress with grey frizzy Hair thrown back into a haphazard Ponytail wearing the Faded Grateful Dead T-Shirt just sort of Stood at Our table looking like fucking Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and shit.
When The Lackluster Waitress finally spoke She asked for Our order. My Mother Bless Her fucking Soul has turned into one of those Little Old Ladies that ask so many fucking questions that People feel like They’re being Interrogated by a Ex-Member of Black Ops. So My Mother launches into her Version of 120 Questions inquiring about the Catfish Platter which she inevitably ended up Ordering, I had the Catfish Sandwich, and My Wife ordered the Country Fired Steak.
Now The Real Red fucking Flag here was during My Mother’s cross examination of the Sad Sack of a Waitress if the Catfish was indeed FRESH, and the Answer was Unequivocally NO. You see Out Here in the Woods by The Lake there is NO FUCKING LOGICAL REASON You can’t acquire and serve FRESH FUCKING CATFISH Especially if You Own and Operate A FUCKING MARINA ON THE FUCKING WATER. Danger be Damned My mother and I stuck to Our Original Order holding Our Ground.
For Such a Small establishment with only 3 fucking Customers in it at this Point and Time the food took fucking forever even though My Mother and I had Order Bar Food Fair (Fried Catfish Fillets and French Fries). Right as We were about to Riot the Waitress came creeping back like an Arthritic Tortoise with Our fucking Food. When She reached the Table She literally plopped the Food down unenthusiastically like serving Us was the fucking Bane of Her fucking Existence. She also failed to offer Us any Condiments, Drink Refills, or check if We needed anything Period.
She set My Food on the Table She announces that She actually fucked up a 1 of a 3 person Order by bringing out 2 Catfish Dinners when I Ordered the Catfish Sandwich. I got pissed at this point because the Dimwitted Waitress had picked up the fucking Order, Walked it Over, and set it Down AND THEN REALIZED She fucked up. I told her (on Principle here People) to fucking Fix it. A Couple minutes later the fucking Cook comes Out with the Food and heads over to Our table.
She then dumps this plate in front of Me like an insensitive asshole. I look down and damn near lost My shit. Apparently the Waitress and brought the food back where the Crappy Cook Took to of the Fillets from the Catfish Platter and placed them on a Plain Grocery Store Hamburger Bun and thats fucking it. No Mayo/Tartar Sauce, No tomato, No Pickle, No Lettuce not a fucking thing But this Generic Dry ass Hamburger Bun.
Before I could confront the Cook She leans past Me and gives Her the Other 2 Fillets from My incorrect Catfish Platter. Now I’m just fucking Dumbfounded the first thing I thought was I’m I being fucking Punished?! Why are they giving half my fucking food to My Mother instead of Me?!
They Simple DID NOT Give a single Rat’s Ass or Flying Fuck about Their Jobs, and Were constantly Battling Crippling and Chronic Depression. Suicidal Thoughts Abound.
The whole fucking Ordeal was so Bizarrely Surreal the Perfect way to sum this Sort up is This Quote: “When the Waitress left I didn’t know if I’d ever see Her again or if She was going to commit Suicide in the Restroom.”
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober