Cats – f-your blog

Dinner For Few

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post the Animated Short Film DINNER FOR FEW by Award Winning Director and Animator Nassos Vakalis which an Allegorical Depiction of Society. I in Particular find DINNER FOR FEW to be Interesting and Entertaining is the Social Commentary that Reminds Me of Two of My Favorite fucking Books of All fucking Time. Those Two Books Being Animal Farm by George Orwell which is a Scathing Criticism on the Flaws and Failure of Communism. The Other is the Graphic Novel MAUS by Art Spiegelman which Depicts the Author’s Interviewing His Father about His Experiences as a Holocaust Survivor. Both Books and DINNER FOR FEW rely Heavily on Symbolism which I personally enjoy the fuck Out of (Especially Using Specific Animals to Embody Different Kinds of People. Example The Rich and Powerful) those that do per Animal Farm are Depicted in all 3 Works as PIGS.

The Best Part of Symbolism and DINNER FOR FEW is it actually makes You fucking think in the fucking age of Smart Phone Zombies and Laptop Ghouls. Swear to fucking God all the shit They put Out and Dare to call Entertainment is MINDLESS FUCKING DRIVIL. The Point and Click/Touch/Swipe Technology is causing Humanity to Actually De-fucking-evolve into Retarded, Mindless, Cavemen. Think I’m being over fucking Dramatic well then Ponder the fuck Out of This. Emojis are and have Always Been the Digital Equivalent of fucking Cave Paintings (No Hieroglyphs is too Advanced at this Point to be fucking Comparable).

Our View: DINNER FOR FEW does have One Unique Aspect that Sets it Apart from the Two Aforementioned Books, and that is it Depicts the Cycle of Life in Society as Opposed to just Commenting on the Social Situation/Issue/Problem at Hand. DINNER FOR FEW reminds Me of Two Sayings that for Me go Hand in Fucking Hand and They are the Following:

“The Rich get Richer and the Poor get Poorer.” This Serving as the Societal Circle of Life on the Macro Level.
“Don’t Piss on My Leg and Tell Me it’s Raining.” The Day to Day Injustices in Society and Those Affected by Them on the Micro Level.

The Symbolism as We see it:

Pigs: Well Obviously as I mentioned before the Pigs are Symbolic of the Wealthy, Privileged, Greedy, Gluttonous, Self Serving Elitist Assholes Who Only give shit about Themselves.
The Chef: Stands for the System that Enables the Pigs without Question its His Only function is to Blindly Serve the Pigs.
The Cats: Represent Average Citizens/Every Day People aka Anyone Who isn’t a fucking Pig.
White Lion: Is Indicative of Revolution as the Cats Unite against the Common Enemy the Pigs and Revolt Against the Tyrant Swine. Not Only that But the Feline Uprising enables the Cats to Not Only Stand Up Against the Pigs but to Also Exact Revenge in the Form of a Brutal Blood Soaked and Murderous Massacre.
The Lion Sleeping: is Symbolic of Peace and in this Case the Peace is that Peace has been Restored to the Land so to Speak.
Chef Killing the Lion and Kittens: Represents the Cycle of a Sick Society Continues it’s Never Ending Circle where Unavoidably things will Always Remain the Same.

Description By Creator Nassos Vakalis:

During dinner, “the system” feeds the few who consume all the resources while the rest survive on scraps. Inevitably, the struggle for what remains leads to catastrophic change. The offspring of this transition turns out not to be a sign of hope, but the spitting image of the parents.

Credits and Shit:

Original title – Dinner for few
Director and writer – Nassos Vakalis
Producer – Nassos Vakalis, Katerinai Stergiopoulou
Music – Kostas Christides
Year – 2014

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Seriously Sick Saturday Cinema: TAXEDERMIA

FYB is Diabolically Delighted to Bring Our Fans The 2006 Surrealist Dark Comedy Horror Film Directed and Co-Written By Gyorgy Palfi. The Movie is a Genetic Narrative that Unfolds over Three Generations, or rather Degenerations. Inspecting the Details of this Movie will Allow the Viewer to see how They Inter-Connect. HOWEVER, Inspecting Them may Also make You want to Clamp Your Hand Over Your Mouth as You Run for the Lavatory.

Brief Plot Summery:

Morosgovanyi is a Sexually Frustrated Army Orderly in the Second World War who relieves His Tensions in the Most Outlandish and Gross Ways. Morosgovanyi, a Hunted-looking Man with a Harelip, is Loathed for His Ugliness, but hangs around the Womenfolk at the Barracks, and Burns His Own Body with a Candle while Masturbating, during which He Discovers He has the Ability to Ejaculate Fire. His Penis is Seriously Mistreated by Chickens, but His Frustration is Finally Relieved by Humping a Fat Woman, and Also with a Dead Pig’s Carcass. The Two Procreative Events somehow Fuse, Spiritually- and Horribly- to Produce Balatony, an Extremely Fat Boy with a Pig’s Tail that is Amputated at Birth by His Perturbed Father. Morosgovanyi is ultimately Executed by His Lieutenant Oreg Kalman for a Obscene Indiscretion, and Kalman raises Balatony as His Own.

For Balatony, Lust becomes Gluttony and His Vocation (He’s a Champion Speed Eater) is Stuffing Himself Silly. Eventually Balatony is Unable to Leave His Chair in His Claustrophobic Apartment due to being Monstrously Obese. Matrimony Produces a Son Balatony Lajoska who Purchases Groceries for His Shut In Father and His Fathers Cats. Kalman, who feeds Butter to His Caged Cats, has Nothing but Harsh Words for His Son who, upon Reaching His Breaking Point, Abandons His Father to His Own Hellish Personal Prison. Returning LAter, He Discovers that the CAts have Escaped Their Cages and, Fiending for Flesh, have Eviscerated His Father.

Lajoska stuffs His Father and The Cats. With Little left to Live for, He locks Himself in a Homemade Surgical Harness and Through the Use of Sedatives, Painkillers and a Heart-Lung Machine, begins removing His own Internal Organs. Pumping His Body full of Preservatives and Sewing Himself up, He Activates the Machine that Decapitates Him, leaving behind a Preserved Statue. His Body is Displayed in an Exhibit Alongside His Father and the Cats.

Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed this Horrendous Generational Horror Show as much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

A Short Story With -No Working Title-

Once Upon a Time in the Small Village of Fuckery in the Province of Whorebitch lived a truly lovely Couple Kunt & Kunty Twat or The Twats as They were known in the Village.

Today was a Dark Day in the Twat Household as Their beloved and bit of an asshole Cat Mrs. Pickle Tits had in fact gone Tits Up during the Night. The Twats took the passing of Their cherished Feline especially hard since The Twats had always wanted to have Kids. Mrs. Twat had in deed gotten Pregnant Once.

The Night that She gave Birth having Eaten an Exorbitant amount of Canned Curry She thought Her Labor Pains were just a wicked case of Gaseous Indigestion and paid it No Mind.

After a Serious Bout of Busting Ass Mrs. Twat staggered to the near by Bathroom to Vacate Her batshit Bowels. In all the confusion of Mrs. Twat transforming into a one Woman Curry Fueled Shitnado had failed to realize She had in fact given Birth at all. Mrs. Twat never having given Birth before simply Didn’t Know what it felt like. Once Mrs. Twat had Flushed the Toilet, and stood up She turned around (to take a sneak peek of Poop) just in time to see a Tiny Pair of Flailing Legs get Sucked Down the Drain.

(DO NOT FEAR DEAR READERS The Baby LIVED!!! We will See The Baby AGAIN SOON!!! It’s Called Foreshadowing for Fuck’s Sake.)

So instead of trying to Bang Out another Baby The Twats decided to just get a Cat, and named it Mrs. Pickle Tits in Honor of Mr. Twats’s Dead Mother. Any Way Mrs. Pickle Tits had a Very Long and Illustrious Life of 27 Years, 27 Days to be exact with the Twats.

Mr. Twat as Per Mrs. Pickle Tit’s Last Will and Testament had Her Cremated, but having No Local Vet to help arrange the Cremation Mr. Twat preformed the Cremation by Himself in the Back Yard. Mr. Twat Removed the Grill from the BBQ, stacked a series of Logs in said BBQ, Placed Mrs. Pickle Tits on Top, Doused the entire thing in Highly Flammable Fluid, and Lit the son of a bitch up like the fucking Hindenburg. After 12 hours at a steady 2,700 Degrees Mrs. Pickle Tits was reduced to nothing but Ashes which Mr. Twat collected and placed in a Zip Lock Sandwich Baggie.

All that was Left now was for the Forlorn Twats to take the Long walk on the Cockstone Cobbled Medieval Road that ran through the Town that Ended when it reached Mrs. Pickle Tit’s Beloved Open Bluffs. The Twats had a feeble Breakfast since They were in Morning before Mr. Twat put Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes in His Pocket, and the Couple Headed Out to the Bluffs.

As The Couple Walked They passed by Many of the Villages Businesses and Shops that lined either side of the Ancient Village Lanes. There was Highball Haberdashery run by long time Friend of the Family Harry Balls, and there was Crotch Meats the Villages Butcher.

As The Twats walked farther On They Passed the Volunteer Non Profit “Mammograms for My Mammy!” Van parked on the Street giving Free Mammograms to any Villager who wanted One. Its true Once Village Resident Dick Fart had had one two many Pints down at the Villages finest (and only) Drinking Establishment The Rigorous Pig. Proprietor and Sole Bartender of the Rigorous Pig Leland Lush’s family had been running for 17 Generations.

Well After Wild Night of Binge Drinking at The Pig (as The Locals Referred to the Pub) Dick Fart had really got a hell of a Drunk On as He really tied His Tits in Two that Particular Evening. Finally Leland cut Dick Off once and For all that Night He wondered onto the MMM Van and Drunkenly Demanded a Mammogram. So to Oblige The Drunk and Confused Mr. Fart the Technicians preformed a Mammogram using Mr. Phart’s Testicles in Lou of Breasts.

A few minutes into Their walk the Twats reached the Village’s Central Town Square where the Elderly Women of the Village spent Their Days sitting in the Sun Gossiping and Airing Out Their Crotches with the assistance of a Hand Fans. Mrs. Twat just so happened to see Her dearest Friend Clitoris Coitus or Clitty as She was known in the Village sitting on in the Square Lazily fanning Her Crotch and bitching about Baking.

“Hello Clitty How are You Today?” Asked Mrs. Twat Politely in Passing.

“Oh Tis’ a dick of a Day so may as well fuck it.” responded Clitty crankily as the intensifying Heat of Summer had left Her Stink Ditch especially Sweaty.

“Ah Yes, Yes. Well We are off to Sprinkle Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes over the Ocean from the Bluffs.” said Mrs. Twat who had become custom to ignoring Clitty’s obscene Life Lessons as the Couple resumed Their Walk to the Bluffs with Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes in Tow.

The Twats had reached the Outskirts of the Village where the Octopus Processing Plant was located. You see Fuckery is the Number One Suppler of the World’s Octopus Spreed which was a delight among Fans of Appetizers. Outside of the Processing Plant stood Jarvis Jerkoff (real last name Jeroff, but because He was know to be an asshole of a Human Being The Villager’s reverted to calling Him Jerkoff instead) apparently pulling Crabs out of His ample Forrest of Pubic Hair. As The Twats passed by never taking Their eyes off the Odd Sexual Grooming underway by Jerkoff.

At one Point Jerkoff took notice of the Couple strolling by, and Glared with utter contempt at Them.

“You wanna save some Crabs for Your Dastardly Dinner You Pickled Pair of Pricks?!” Snarled Jerkoff seething with Disgust.

It was bad enough The Twats had just lost Their Precious Pet, but now having to take shit from Jerkoff the Village Jerk Off was too much for Mr. Twat to bare. What Jerkoff didn’t know was Mr. Twat was ExMilitary having Served 17 Years in the Queen’s Army, and so He was trained in all varieties of Combat. Mr. Twat without saying a thing, without uttering a single Syllable kicked Jerkoff squarely in His crooked cock which Mr. Twat followed up with then pulling Jerkoff’s pimply Scrotum up over His head.

Jerkoff completely blinded by His severely stretched out ball bag, and in a good amount of Pain from the Kick putting a King Sized Kink in His cock as well staggered around like a Drunken Zombie. Mr. Twat then proceeded to Grab Jerkoff and flip Him Ass over Elbows while holding Him around the waist, and before Poor Old Jerkoff knew what Hit Him Mr. Twat executed a flawless Text Book Pile Driver upon the already Hurt and Humiliated Jerkoff.

The incredible impact from the Pile Driver sent a Geyser of Violent Diarrhea Pungent Smelling Piss, and a fucked up Fountain of Jizz to explode forth from Mr. Jerkoff up to Eight Feet in the Air. The Twats continued on leaving the Unconscious Jarvis Jerkoff lying in a Pool of His own assorted Bodily Fluids.

Once the Twats had arrived at Their destination Mr. Twat removed the plastic sandwich Baggie containing Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes as the Two prepared for the Final Farewell. Just as the Twats were almost finished Praying and were about to cast Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes out over the Ocean They heard a noise. The noise was coming from the Cliff that rose a staggering 1,200 feet above the Ocean to form the exact Bluff They were standing on.

All of a sudden a Large, Webbed hand appeared over the Cliff Line followed by yet Another. The Two webbed Hands took hold of the Earth and with great effort and skill hoisted the rest of the Individual’s body up from the Cliff Face onto the Bluff itself. The Twats found Themselves staring in totally disbelief directly at a Real Life Merman sitting now before Them.

“It is I Otto AquaPoon Your Long Lost Son that was accidentally flushed down the Toilet into the Open Ocean. There a Clan of Merpeople found Me Floating Aimlessly on the Waves, and took Me in as One of Their Own.” announced The Merman with Gusto.

“Well it’s nice to see aside from the Dreadful Accident things worked out well for You Son.” said Mrs. Twat still in the Throws of Shock and Awe.

“You look to be a Fine Strapping Young Man outside of being Half Fish.” pointed out Mr. Twat doing the best He could to keep His shit together.

“IT IS NO ACCIDENT that TODAY I have returned to find You here. I’ve been watching You from the Wake and I Know Your here because your Dear Kitty Mrs. Pickle Tits has met Her demise. I am here to give Her the one thing You never gave me a Happy Existence.” said Otto Aquapoon confidently in a somewhat Ominous Tone.

Aquapoon snatched Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes from His Father and regurgitated a healthy amount of Ocean Water into the Sandwich Baggie containing the Dead Cat’s Ashes. He took a minute to insure the ashes and Open water had thoroughly mixed before removing the Now Clay life Contents and sculpting an exact replica of Mrs. Pickle Tits. Once the Sculpture was complete Poontangler forcefully removed one of His Merman Scales, ground it up in His hands, and using a Reed like a Straw Blew the ground Up Merscale directly up Mrs. Pickle Tits’s ass.

Mrs. Pickle Tits immediately sprung back to Life completely Healthy and Happy. The Twats couldn’t believe the Resurrection of Their moments ago Deceased Cat. Before the Twats could even begin to comprehend what the hell had just taken place Poontangler dressed Them once again.

“Your Cat had Returned to You as I Promised. Now Father got Home and Shit Yourself Sane. Mother I want You to go Home as well Before I have to Slap You Sane.” summarized Poontangler who at the end of His sentence dove Back into the Briny Deep Never to be Seen Again.

The Befuddled Twats took Mrs. Pickle Tits Home with Them where They had a Cup of Tea, a Shot of Brandy, and then Went to Bed.

(What I told You the Kid DIDN’T DIE, and that We’d SEE HIM AGAIN SOOn. I didn’t say it be a Happy ass Hallmark Ending did I?! No I Didn’t.)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Dirtbags That Ditch Dogs On Dirt Roads

This is one of those tales that comes along when you already think you know what is going on, and then life swings back around and kicks you in the ass.

Before We relocated to the Souther Country We were well aware that the county We were moving to (Crush County) was pretty poor. Due to a severe lack of funds one of the things Crush County was forced to do was close their Animal Care And Control almost 4 years ago. Recently the Crush County AC&C has been trying desperately to reopen in at least some capacity, but are actually have to rebuild the entire system from the ground up.

In addition again due to lack of funds and resources Crush County doesn’t have a single Animal Shelter, and there no established rescue organizations. There are a few so called “Animal Rescues”, but in reality they people mean well (and want to help) its just that they don’t know how to help effectively, and lack the resources to.

To top it all off attitudes towards pet dogs are significantly outdated. What I mean by that is People aren’t on board with spaying/neutering their pets, Dogs are put out in the morning and allowed to roam until they return home at diner time to eat, Collars are a rarity and next to no Dogs with Name/Rabies tags on their collar if they do in fact have one.

Now heres the story.

My Wife and I were driving to the next town over to buy some supplies we can’t get in our Tiny Town. To reach the neighboring town there is a dirt road short cut which we utilize constantly for its convince. Right as we hit the top of the dirt road we saw two Puppies (large breed pups but pups none the less) sitting on the side of the road looking rather lost and confused. We slowed down as we passed them not wanting to accidentally hurt one of them and waved at them. A second later My wife called my attention the to review mirror. I looked into the passenger’s side review mirror and saw the two pups running after our car desperately trying to keep up. We immediately pulled over and stopped the car. We both exited the car and the two pups came running up to us brimming with glee, and we knew that anyway you sliced it these pups were now our responsibility as we weren’t about to leave them where we found them along side of a deserted dirt road.

An old beat up pick up truck came rambling down the road from the opposite direction so when the truck got near we stopped it, and asked the old man driving if he knew who these pups belonged too? He said with all conviction that he had no idea who’s pups they might be. We then asked the old man what exactly should we or could we do to help the pups as we are new to the area? The old man responded with the same previous conviction that we could leave them, Pick them up or Give them to someone we knew and drove off.

Well as I said abandoning the pups was NOT an option and we don’t know anyone yet being the new kids on the block so we reverted back to what we knew and decided to try and locate the owner. Now like I mentioned earlier collars and tags are not a priority here so as you can imagine the pups had neither, but they were well fed and very friendly (not all dogs here are friendly because there is a feral stray dog population which unfortunately is an ongoing and growing problem.) We heard several dogs barking at the small cement bunker looking like house on the corner at the top of the dirt road. We assumed that the pups must have slipped out the fence so we loaded the pups up into our car and drove the 7 blocks back to the corner house. There were approximately 8 adult (possibly few of them were juveniles) running around barking their fucking heads off in the fenced in backyard of the small house. My Wife got out and started to cross the front yard words the front door when the front door opened a fraction and a little old lady stuck her head out and demanded to know what we wanted. We explained we found these two pups and were wondering if they were in deed hers to which the old woman stated aggressively that she “Didn’t have NO Puppies”, and then she provided us with the reality of the dirt road we mistook for an innocent short cut. After stating that she didn’t have any puppies she shouted angrily that the dirt road was a notorious road for dumping unwanted dogs, and that the illegal abandoning of dogs is a frequent occurrence. Then the old woman pulled her head back inside and slammed to door with a vengeance.

My Wife and I once again loaded up the pups and did the only thing we knew we could and brought the pups back to our home office. Our home office has a large fenced in backyard complete with a large one car garage (and of course we all just park out in the drive way) and we decided we could house the pups there until we figured out what the hell we could do.

Now before any over sensitive animal lovers get ready to give us shit because we did’t bring them inside remember and know this we didn’t know if the pups were destructive, how if at all were they house broken, they needed to be dewormed as well as shots and a serious flea/tick bath. We also have 3 cats and a handicapped Mini Dachshund (she was born completely deaf and half blind) already in our Office and din’t know how the new pups would react/behave around other dogs or cats.

My Wife and I as well as our staff are all animal owners and lovers so as soon as we got the pups back to the office and the staff undated we went to work. We secured the gate so the pups would;t be able to take any unauthorized walks if you will. We then cleaned out and organized the garage, loaded it up with beds, blankets, tons of toys, food/water dishes, treats, and put the pups to bed so to speak.

The next day We bathed both pups for ticks and fleas, took them to the local and only Veterinarian for shots and to pick up dewormer, Heart Worm Preventative, Flea/Tick Prevention, and find out when the pups needed their rabies shot. We also went and spent our weekly beer budget at local Pet Stores buying food, treats, more fucking toys and training treats. We also told the various pet shop employees our story and they all said the same thing “You picked them up in your car and took them to your Home Office, Their your dogs you know that right?”

The Pups are brother and sister Lab/Rotti mixes that were around 12 weeks old when we found them on the side of the road. The Boy is an attention whore, Dopey, Wrestling loving big old ball of goofy that earned him the name Dingus (or Gus for short) and his sister is smart as a whip, the shyer of the two, and extremely loving so we named her Nymh (and yes thats a hats off reference to The Secret of Nyhm) We have had them with us for the last 3 weeks and couldn’t be happier. The Pups don’t have any bad habits like digging or chewing, they are EGAR to please, travel great in the car, Intelligent and full of unconditional love. The Pups have already mastered the commands for Sit, Stay and Down and put a smile on anyones face they come in contact with. As far as any backstory for the pups is concerned I Believe the original owner had a litter of pups they were selling, and these two didn’t get bought. Not only did the pups not sell they started to get expensive (they eat like fucking horses) and less puppy like so the owner decided to dump the dogs on the dirt road. Those assholes’s loss so fuck’em I’m not wasting my time being pissed about it as that is a futile activity.

All in All even though the pups fell into our lap I feel it couldn’t be any more fitting for the start of the new chapter in Our and f-yourblog.com’s Lives. I mean we moved to the Southern Country and acquired two pups that were ditched on a dirt road, and will grow up to be some truly great Big Old Country Dogs.

Thanks For The Read

Les Sober