Tag: cemetery

My Dead Great Grandmother’s Coffin In My Own Backyard!

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post MY DEAD GREAT GRANDMOTHER’S COFFIN IN MY OWN BACKYARD! posted by DJ Deaf Joey. Let’s get one thing Straight right from the get go this Video is fucked up because IT’S FUCKING REAL. Joey is Real, His Story is Real, and The Corpse is Very fucking Real. We Don’t Deal in Click Bait Bullshit by Talentless Content Creating YouTube View Whores. Joey is Actually Deaf and an Actual DJ, but He is Retiring from Doing to Focus on His Photography (Go Ahead Google the fucking Guy, and with that said FUCK GOOGLE).

BACK STORY:

According to Joey His Great Grandmother Katherine Lou Hall was Born in 1861 and Died in 1945. 20 Years Later the Cemetery where Joey’s Great Great Grandmother was Buried at Closed due to “Poor Maintenance” though Joey does make the Allegation that the Cemetery was Shut Down because of “Corruption”. So in 1965 Joey without the Funds to Move and Rebury His Great Great Grandmother (and being Extremely Concerned about the Care of Her Remains) had to make a Decision. Joey then Decided it was in His and His Dead Great Great Grandmother’s Best Interest that He to Move Her to His Backyard.

The Video has No Dialogue as Joey is Deaf and Communicates entirely with American Sign Language  Posted this Video Originally in 2008. This is a Rather Redundant Intro By Joey Followed by the Original Video. In the Original Video Joey tells His Story, Shows His Great Great Grandmother’s Mummified Remains, and Then does Something to/with the Corpse that will make Most People want to fucking Gag. And No He Doesn’t fuck it get Your fucking Seriously Sick Minds out of the goddamn Gutter but Let’s Face it Joey is Obviously Mentally Disturbed. Not even We would Show some Dirty Old Fuck Banging His Great Great Grandmother’s Rotten Remains. We will give You a Hint it Involves Joey’s Lips.

         

Now Let’s Address the fucking Elephant in the Room How the fuck can Joey Store His Dead Great Great Grandmother’s Petrified Remain in a Coffin, Under a Blue fucking Contractor’s Tarp in His fucking Backyard?! Well the Answer is this Sick Shit Falls into a Grey Area but Ordinarily, it is a Misdemeanor for the Individual Possessing the Duty of having a Body Buried to Refuse or Neglect to do so, or to Dispose of the Corpse Indecently (Example: Throwing it in a Dumpster behind a Connivence Store).

 

It Is What it Is,

   Presented By Les Sober   

Peddling Death Door To Door

I was sitting in my apartment one summer afternoon enjoying a craft beer or two when the door bell suddenly rang. Now I’m the type of person who knows who and when people are coming ,but no one was supposed to stop by on that particular day. I weighed the options and decided to for once to answer the door instead of ignoring it due to the fact I didn’t know who was ringing my door bell (and I utterly hate to be bothered)

So I exited my apartment on the 2nd floor, walked down the stair case to the 1st story exterior door and opened away. To my surprise it wasn’t any asshole asking if I found Jesus/accept christ or little kids going door to door selling candy as part of a school fundraiser. It was in fact a little old lady about 60-65 years old, hair white as snow with a cliche grandmother vibe. I said hello and asked what I could do for her today to which she replied she worked for a local funeral home with a neighboring cemetery. So she was going door to door talking with (and hopefully selling funeral home services) people about their or a loved one’s final preparations. More ironic then sending a senior citizen representative to sell funeral services (coffins,flowers,earns,cremation etc.) but I had amassed a short list of 3 personal questions on the matter of post death options for myself when I too  die. I invited the little old lady in and took her up to my apartment where she set up shop so to speak in my living room. I informed her that yes I did have some questions about said funeral services and she very politely told me to ask her what they were.

In the time of efficiency and time management here (in no certain order) are the 3 questions I asked her alone with her answers.

  1. Can I have my skeleton bronzed and placed in a certain pose?

No due to laws pertaining to the desecration of a corpse where there ABSOLUTELY NO acceptations.

2. If I chose to be cremated could I have my skull bronzed and placed on top of the earn’s led?

No something similar too the answer for question 1 ,but dealing moreover  with the issue of handling dead bodies or some shit.

NOW THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS DARK FAST AND MAKES NO SENSE: I SWEAR TO THE STARS ABOVE HOW THE FUCK THIS OTION IS POSSIBLE (CONSIDERING THE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS 1 AND ) AND MOREOVER HOW THE FUCK ITS LEGAL AS THERE LAWS OUTLAWING CANNIBALISM.

3. Can I have my corpse (and possibly certain organs i.e. liver) cooked and served to the funeral party quests?

Yes if you can find someone willing to butcher and cook a corpse.

( There has to be some bizarre loophole because I can’t get my head around the yes to Necro Cannibalism.)

Ladies and Gentleman thank you, that is all.