Church – f-your blog

The Wonderful World Of CANCER CHRIST

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring Los Angeles based DIY Reptilian Themed Grindcore Infused Hardcore Punk Metal Band CANCER CHRIST. As with Virtually Unknown Obscure/Niche Bands collecting information is a Bitch beyond Belief Believe You Me. The Mastermind and Frontman for CANCER CHRIST is the Notoriously Manic Anthony Mehlaff , and is Based on or Around His Rather Twisted Interpretation of Religion, Society, Jesus, and Satan Himself. The Band’s Musicians all adorn Snake Masks and go by the General Moniker “The Snakeboys” although each Band Member has His own Specific Name (Example: Apocalypse Snake). That is it as far as the Standard Band info is Concerned as 99% of information pertaining to the Band are Interviews Mainly with Mehlaff and the Band’s Official Website.

Cancer Christ’s Origin Story According To Melhaff:

“Cancer Christ has seen the ailing not too distant future of this godless world. Our bleak existence needs a new, stronger word of God. Cancer Christ is the imperfect vessel to wage a holy war against those who wish to profit from a dying prophet’s words. Cancer Christ understands evil must be fought with true words and even truer actions; fire must be met with fire, darkness must be met with searing and powerful holy light. The Lords work takes some heavy lifting at times and major balancing skill. I was at Church—as I do every Sunday—and I began to get really fucking bored—as I do every Sunday at Church—and I began to snoop. I was looking for snacks or some of those good latex nun porn mags when I heard a faint shriek from deep inside the bellow of the church.

I followed the sound until I ended up in the basement. It was dank, dark, and hotter than hell. The shrieks were almost unbeatable. My heart was beating like a drum. I moved toward the sound. Flipped my phone light on and was shocked when I saw this creature: human body, snake head—he looked scared. He was also chained by his neck to the floor. As I moved closer, I noticed another Snakeboy, and another, and another. I think they were as scared of me as I was of them. I searched around the church, found a sledgehammer, and broke them free. We fled out the back door and after many months of rehab and prayers. I was able to start to understand the Snakeboys, they were as loving as they were vicious with sexual appetites like teenage boys. They ate all day, smelled foul, loved heavy metal, and ’80s horror and action violence. I had to channel their endless need to fight, fuck, and kill. It turned out they all played music.”

Mehlaff on The Subject of the Band Starting Their Own Church/Religion:

“We intent to open The Holy Church of Cancer Christ in 2023 and break ground in 2022. Follow the smoke and sure enough there will be the almighty fire of God and Cancer Christ along with The Serpents of Jesus. The Snakeboys will surely be there. Praise his mercy, praise his brutal power, and praise this soon to be over—great and tragic existence! The Church is driven by the word of God. We are excited for this world to end and for the new one to begin. Endless blood, rivers, oceans, even of the blood of the non-believers. Especially the false prophets and prosperity preachers. Watching them melt as we ride with JESUS is gonna be hard for me not to be hard.

What they forget is the love and that Jesus died for your sins. That shits paid for in full with blood. So, go out and fucking sin or what did the dude fucking get tortured for? I’m talking with God about this shit all the time and honestly, he’s always changing his mind. This idea that all sins are created equal is bullshit too. And no pedophiles, serial killers, cops, rapists. racists, bigots, or murders in the name of country get in. His rules, not mine. The Kingdom of heaven doesn’t need that bullshit vibe.”

Photo: Chad KelcoMelhoff On the Subject Of The Band’s Name:
“We addressed a problem, a cancer, mankind and provided an answer to that cancer, Christ. God wants this world to be inhabitable again when he figures out a solution to its major flaws and mankind’s major flaws. People confuse fire being that it’s made by the devil, God makes fire, that’s where he stuck that bitch Lucifer after he dropped his evil ass out of heaven and Lucifer tried a name change to help his own ego—Satan.

What a bitch name if ya ask me. Satan works in fire but works with rot. He has been trying to rot the world from the inside out with corporations, big lobby firms, politicians, judges, cops, bigots, racists, and homophobes.

The rot, the cancer was happening underground and has finally reared its ugly, weak, face and has gotten completely out of control. The solution? GOD’s light. God’s fire. God’s wrath. It’s then, his faithful soldiers will help re-create this world anew.”

Photo: Aaron Story

**The Band’s Inclusive Message:**

“The mission of Cancer Christ is to find lost souls to take up arms in this new and uncertain heavenly body. We accept all: black, white, gay, straight, trans and all others that wish to fight evil wherever it spews its putrid and vile wickedness.”

Melhaff’s Motto:

“I stand for all the would-be scum that never considered Jesus an option,” says the musician, adding, “For the millions of demon worshippers that think Satan is tough or sick or down. I stand to let all those bitches know that God bitch slapped Lucifer out of heaven and only then did that punk-bitch become Satan. God fucks the hardest and he’s ready to fuck the world, whether you believe or not.”

Caner Christ’s Mission Statement:

“Christ is dying. A venomous cancer consumes his body and weakens his mind. As each day passes, his light dims to a faint whimper and the darkness of evil shrieks with a toxic vigor as its foul and unholy power collapses the human race.

In Christ’s absence, Lucifer has begun testing their Dark Trinities supreme and destructive potency upon our weak and divided planet. The world heats up, disease consumes all and the old passive and fragile word of God falls upon deaf ears.

Cancer Christ has seen the ailing not too distant future of this godless world. Our bleak existence needs a new, stronger word of God.

Cancer Christ is the imperfect vessel to wage a holy war against those who wish to profit from a dying prophet’s words.

Cancer Christ understands evil must be fought with true words and even truer actions; fire must be met with fire, darkness must be met with searing and powerful holy light.

The mission of Cancer Christ is to find lost souls to take up arms in this new and uncertain heavenly body. We accept all: black, white, gay, straight, trans and all others that wish to fight evil wherever it spews its putrid and vile wickedness.

This undertaking will cause many casualties. The most extreme pain and torture will be experienced but we will not falter in our divine mission to secure a New God, (N.G).

Join us.”

Melhaff on the Band’s Newest Album “God Is Violence” (2024)

“There was a call to arms, and there’s this real profound connection we have to this brutal motherfucker known as Jesus,” Anthony Mehlaff about their most recent album. “We were seeing the decline of the planet and where shit was going, and we decided to make songs to release those bad feelings so we didn’t participate in all the satanic activity that’s been going on since the pandemic.”

BAND MEMBERS:

Anthony Mehlaff aka Saint Anthony – Lead Vocals/ Flamethrower
Snake Bossnoise – Guitars/Vocals/Samples/Slime
Piss Snake – Bass/Vocals/ Urine
Diesel Snake – Shred Guitars/Sleaze
Apocalypse Snake – Drums/Cums

ADDITIONAL SNAKEBOYS:
Chain Snake: Noise, Vocals, Chains
Candy Snake: Sweets
Snake Momma: Juggs, Christ Whistles, Confetti
Snake Babe: Sex, Pain
Missing Snake: Additional Live Drums
Rusty Snake: Bass on “SAINT ANTHONY’S SERMON”
Snake Girl : Hype Snake

Video List:

“The Blood Of Jesus” (7″ Version)
“Do You Wanna Go To Heaven” (Demo Version)
“Prosperity Preacher” (7″ version)
GOD HATES COPS

It Is What It Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Linguistic Lunacy

Abominable Atrocities Arise And Abound Abundantly Against Agony Abysmal Anguish Across Apocalyptic Annihilation As Armageddon Awaits. Awfully Aggressive Assholes Amble Around Aimlessly Angrily Announcing Accusations And Allegations Angering Anyone Around. Ambivalent Arrogances Again Aren’t Absolute Another Atonement Amended All Alone.

Formidable Fiends Fuck Fathering Fear From Fragile Felonious Faith From Frail Fickle Feeble Fools. Fundamental Foolhardy Fucking Feces Faltering Forgoing Fatal Farreaching Fanaticism Fathomless Fetishistic Folly Forbidden Few Follow Flamboyant Falsehoods. Filthy Fleshless Flawed Fucked Fodder Further Fathom Fornicating Freely Fortitude For Futile Frenzied Fuckery.

Blasphemous Bastard’s Brutal Bitter Bitches Bountiful Bullshit Beyond Broadening Boundaries Before Banishing Belligerent Barbarians Behind Bloody Boarders. Badlands Bandits Beheading Biblical Brutes Before Battling Boldly Brandishing Brazen Banners Before Blackened Battalions Becoming Bonafide Bloodshed. Bountiful Beheadings Butchering Befuddled Blind Blasphemers Bloodshed Before Burning Beastly Brigades.

Sickly Sinister Savages Silently Slay Subservient Sinners Spreading Septic Slaughter Soaring. Sycophantic Simpletons Smile Slyly Surveying Sadistic Soldier’s Silicious Screams Shattering Surrounding Serenity. Servants Shit Sustenance Sustaining Shadowy Sultans Salacious Sexual Sadomasochistic Sodomy Shows. Soulless Symbolism Sadly Succumbs Suddenly Suffering Silicious Sabotage Suggestions.

Malevolent Monstrous Madmen Marauding Malicious Murderers Making Melancholy Mourner’s Mundane Misgivings More Memorable. Mysteriously Morbid Malfeasance Masters Manufacture More Maniacal Mayhem Magnifying Mortality Minimizing Morals. Moody Menacing Maniacal Misfits Manning Mortuaries Monopolize Maggots Moreover Mangling, Maiming, Mutilating Mankind.

Crippled Cretinous Creatures Creating Cataclysmic Chaotic Chaos Crumbling Churches Civilians Cringe Cowering Cataclysmic Carnage Comes. Creepy Cephalic Copulating Cretans Cackling Crazily Cum Ceaseless Corruption Confounding Confused Craniums. Cemeteries Cantankerously Coveting Corpses Confining Carcasses Claiming Cumbersome Cognitive Capabilities.

So what the fuck was the point of all this You Ask? Simply there is None as the Whole fucking Point of this Exercise was to Write something that Sounded Kickass, But in Reality it’s Upon Second Inspection that You can See it means Jack Diddly Shit.

It is What it Is,

By Les Sober

My First Slumber Party

Welcome to Another Monday Post here at FYB featuring MY FIRST SLUMBER PARTY By One of Our Favorite Creative Artists MeatCanyon.

Sleepovers are one of the Strangest Rites go Passage for a Kid if You think about it. You make Friends at School, then Hangout at Each other’s Houses, and then the Almost Inevitable Sleepover. It’s such an Awkward Dynamic because once Night Falls You realize You have to Deal with Your Friend’s Adult Parents. To make things Feel even Uneasier You’re a Child who now must Communicate with Bigger and Smarter Adults (who have Temporary Authority and Control over You) without the Benefits of Your Parents acting as Your Amateur Ambassador. The Surreal part is You’re in Familiar Surroundings, but in the Context of a Sleepover They Suddenly Seem Utterly Alien at the Same Time. Then to Top off the Whole Bizarreness of it All You wake up in the Middle of the Night to take a Leak, and the Once Nondescript Hallway is Now Hauntingly Silent and Cloaked in Shadow. By the Time You get Home the Next Day You feel as if You just came back from a Foreign Country that just so Happened to be Ruled by Your Friends Parents.

MeatCanyon’s real name is Hunter August Hancock better know by his online user name MeatCanyon. Hancock is an American Youtuber, animator, voice actor, comedian, writer, and director who makes parody animations of popular characters (say Sponge Bob for instance). Some viewers of MeatCanyon’s animations have been described them in just one single word “Horrifying”. A common on going gag in Hancock’s video’s is that something normal or mundane gets you killed or possible worse.

PLOT: An Eight Year Old MeatCanyon has a Rather Creepy Experience during His First Sleep Over at His Buddy Luke’s House involving Banana’s, Religion, Pokemon Cards, and His Friend’s Apparently Sociopath of a Father.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

Excerpts From “The Black Riders and Other Lines” By Stephen Crane

The Poems Below are by American Author Stephen Crane Published in 1895 (by Copeland & Day) as a Part of His Collection, The Black Riders and Other Lines. The Following Excerpts are from Fifty-Six Short Poems (all of Which Simply go by Number without actual Titles) that comprise ‘The Black Riders’. Crane is Most Recognized as the Author of the Famous American Novel The Red Badge of Courage.

When Crane’s Poems were Published, He was Harshly Criticized for the Unusual Form of His Poems, and that He had Some Nerve in Presenting these “Disjointed Effusions” and Daring to call them Poetry. The First Brutal Reviews Denounced Crane’s The Black Riders as Nothing Short of “Artless and Barbaric.”

In His Correspondence with a Particular Editor of Leslie’s Weekly in 1895, Crane professed that He Preferred The Black Riders to His Iconic American Novel The Red Badge of Courage. Crane Wrote “I, suppose I ought to be Thankful to ‘The Red Badge,’ but I am much Fonder of My little book of poems, ‘The Black Riders’. My Aim was to Comprehend in it the thoughts I have had about Life in General, while ‘The Red Badge’ is a mere Episode in Life, an Amplification.”

Enjoy.

IV.

Yes, I have a thousand tongues,
And nine and ninety-nine lie.
Though I strive to use the one,
It will make no melody at my will,
But is dead in my mouth.

Once there came a man
Who said,
“Range me all men of the world in rows.”
And instantly
There was terrific clamour among the people
Against being ranged in rows.
There was a loud quarrel, world-wide.
It endured for ages;
And blood was shed
By those who would not stand in rows,
And by those who pined to stand in rows.
Eventually, the man went to death, weeping.
And those who staid in bloody scuffle
Knew not the great simplicity.

IX
I stood upon a high place,
And saw, below, many devils
Running, leaping,
and carousing in sin.
One looked up, grinning,
And said, “Comrade! Brother!”

XIII
If there is a witness to my little life,
To my tiny throes and struggles,
He sees a fool;
And it is not fine for gods to menace fools.

XVII
There were many who went in huddled procession,
They knew not whither;
But, at any rate, success or calamity
Would attend all in equality.
There was one who sought a new road.
He went into direful thickets,
And ultimately he died thus, alone;
But they said he had courage.

XIX
A god in wrath
Was beating a man;
He cuffed him loudly
With thunderous blows
That rang and rolled over the earth.
All people came running.
The man screamed and struggled,
And bit madly at the feet of the god.
The people cried,
“Ah, what a wicked man!”
And “Ah, what a redoubtable god!”

XXV
Behold, the grave of a wicked man,
And near it, a stern spirit.
There came a drooping maid with violets,
But the spirit grasped her arm.
“No flowers for him,” he said.
The maid wept:
“Ah, I loved him.”
But the spirit, grim and frowning:
“No flowers for him.”
Now, this is it-
If the spirit was just,
Why did the maid weep?

XXIX
Behold, from the land of the farther suns I returned.
And I was in a reptile-swarming place,
Peopled, otherwise, with grimaces,
Shrouded above in black impenetrableness.
I shrank, loathing,
Sick with it.
And I said to him,
“What is this?”
He made answer slowly,
“Spirit, this is a world;
This was your home.”

XXXII
Two or three angels
Came near to the earth.
They saw a fat church.
Little black streams of people
Came and went in continually.
And the angels were puzzled
To know why the people went thus,
And why they stayed so long within.

LXVII
God lay dead in heaven;
Angels sang the hymn of the end;
Purple winds went moaning,
Their wings drip-dripping
With blood
That fell upon the earth.
It, groaning thing,
Turned black and sank.
Then from the far caverns
Of dead sins
Came monsters, livid with desire.
They fought,
Wrangled over the world,
A morsel.
But of all sadness this was sad-
A woman’s arms tried to shield
The head of a sleeping man
From the jaws of the final beast.

Thanks For Reading,

Presented By Les Sober (Pt222AM)

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”??? We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober & Spacedog

The Many Faced Spacedog

Everyday when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, I’m not really sure who I am viewing. Sure it is me but I’ve lived so many distinct lives with no connection to one another it is absurd.

Like everyone else I started off innocent. Then I got a dose of that good old Catholic guilt. Hated the parents from ten years old because of this. Why would they lie to me about something so important?

It finally came to a head when I had to smash out multiple windows in their home. I was indeed very serious about not attending church.

Around the same time I came to terms with being a homosexual. Not one of those cheesy Hollywood gay teen portrayals. I knew what I wanted and usually got it. Sure I pulled a bit of a Hard Candy situation and threatened an older man into sleeping with me or else, but what else would you expect? At my best I was Sebastian from Cruel Intentions plus a bit of Regina George (Mean Girls). I was terrifying.

I faked mental illness for many years to the point that I have fooled nearly everyone to this day. Sure I had a few suicide attempts, most illegitimate barring one. These were all caused by medication which was supposed to help. I will get to this in another blog.

I tried my hardest to be an extrovert but discovered I did not relate to very many others. I tried drug dealing, prostitution, and even attempted being a mail order bride. Sadly the guilt never let me be a bride even though I had many offers.

Then a foot injury came. 20 years ago. It led to opiate abuse and then eventually heroin abuse because I was abadoned by friends who were only there when I had a vehicle. The only one left just happened to be a heroin addict and down the rabbit hole I went.

Sometimes I feel like the original Oxycontin victim because I lived the story you hear all too often in today’s news. It was a dark and solitary several years because frankly I did not want to be around other users. It was a gross habit.

Then there were some lost years. I do not remember much of them. I drank heavily at first. This led to 80 pounds of weight gain in a year. It came off almost as rapidly. I was obsessed with someone who I clearly thought was obsessed with me. This was not real as that person completely bought into the lies about mental illness big pharma wants us to believe.

As I struggled with substances I also struggled with who I was. Most people I’ve met seem to have some issue with me because I’m straight acting. It’s not an act though it’s just me. I love sports, divas, queens, bros, most forms of tv (except true crime and cop shows), all music (just not the bs playing in 90% of gay clubs) and everything in between. Still the queens think I’m too masculine and the gay bros say I’m too fem. Apparently being naturally well rounded is not a quality others tend to believe in.

So the point to all this is that while I am all of the things I’ve ever been I am also none of them. Sure I’ve made countless mistakes along the way. I have no regrets. Yes, I could have handled things better with the handful of my friends who now live in graveyards. Regrets though never. I just had to stay in the darkness a bit longer before I knew where he the dark ended and the light began.

The only thing that truly matters though is today and tomorrow. I finally have a clear vision of what it is I want. The veil has been lifted for me.

What do I want you ask? It is a secret. Everyone is a naysayer. I’ve shared far too many secrets with all the wrong people. There is way too much ambition within me and I’d love to finally be able to use it.

But it’s all just for today. That’s the only slogan I have ever found useful in a 12 step program. Some days I go old and sit around and do nothing watching game shows like I’m 90. Other days I challenge myself to 2 hours at the gym or 20,000 steps. Some days I go young and binge teen dramas. I really don’t care what you think. I do me. You do you.

Still while I know who I will be tomorrow beyond that remains a mystery. All the vexations of my spirit have been cast away in some long forgotten martini glass. Something massive is growing inside my soul. I hope it’s love and not some tumor. Fuck tumors.

You aren’t who you were. You are who you dream. I am living the dream. I hope you do one day too.

by Spacedog

Biblical Bewilderment: A Couple Questions for Christians.

I believe the Bible is a very good read, and recommend giving it a read.

I also DO NOT Believe that the Bible is in anyway a Religious Text.

I’m from the School of Thought that the Bible serves a Moral/Ethical Guide, a “How to Live a Good Life Manual” if you will. The Bible in My mind is an equivalent of Esop’s Fables for Adults. Thats to say each story while entertaining has a distinct and definite Moral/Ethical Lesson contained within.

I consider Myself a Spiritual Person rather than Religious. Not that there is anything wrong per say with Religion itself its when Man gets involved, and creates ORGANIZED RELIGION.

Organized Religion is a Bastardized form of Religion in which Man takes precedent over His God. So when it comes to Religious Texts/Training/Teachings/Education/Interpretation Man Himself dictates Organized Religion in His understanding NOT THE WORD of a God.

That aside I remain open minded to the Possibility of Christianity, BUT I have some pertinent questions for Currently Practicing Christians of ANY DENOMINATION.

Let US Begin.

Why is there a 800 year old gap between the Writing of the actual Bible and when it was first complete?

Some blame the Dominate and Ruling Roman Empire for being so Anti-Christian that they banned any Christian Religions Texts or Teachings.

This drove Christianity underground for a time, and the Partitioners had to hide in the shadows using an oral tradition to keep the Bible/Bible Stories/Teachings alive in this period of oppression.

I’m not debating this Roman Empire Oppression, BUT Why didn’t some Partitioners just move out of the Roman Empire, and Practice Christianity in Peace and free from prosecution.

And also have you ever played The Telephone Game then you know how distorted and twisted a single sentence can become in a matter of just a couple of minutes. Now imagine an Telephone Game that spanned 800 fucking years. See what I’m saying?!

Question Two How can Jesus who was a JEW (The Jewish Faith has suffered the most oppression and persecution for practicing Their Religion, and Christianity played a HUGE PART) somehow end up becoming the Savior of a completely different Religion?

I mean for example Buddhism didn’t commandeer say Muhammed from the Muslim Religion to use Him as Their Prophet, Leader or Messiah.

Question 3 How come the first half or The Old Testament of the Bible t(he Primary Christian Religion ) was written by Jews?

I wouldn’t attempt to take the first half of a Religious Text, and then rewrite the second half modeled on My particular and different Religion.

Question Four was addressed in The Kevin Smith’s movie Dogma. The question is once Jesus talked to the Angle Micheal, and was informed of Who He really is/ His purpose where did He disappear to for 30 years?

Jesus was approximately 8 years old when He learns His ultimate Fate, and then He vanishes for three fucking Decades only to return on the Bible as a full grown 38 year old man with NO EXPLANATION?

Question Five pertains to the Crucifixion or more over its Biblical Depiction. It is a fucking Scientific and Anatomically IMPOSSIBLE to Crucify a Person threw the Palms of the hand as show in countless Christian depictions of Jesus. Quite simply the weight of the Human body combined with Gravity would cause the Hands to tear in half.

Also Nailed person threw Their feet while they are placed one on top on the other is also completely impractical in the act of Crucifixion. More than likely the feet were secured by placing the victims feet on side of the Cross, and then nailed in place next to/around the ankle.

Question Six is of all the improbable Stories in the Bible We are supposed to believe Jesus DIED for 3 days only to Rise from the Dead as if to say “See They TOLD YOU I’m the Messiah!” before then ascending to Heaven?

Question Seven is how can Jesus be The Son of God while simultaneously being God as well. How do does a Father physically become His own Son? This is either a bad case of Schizophrenia or one of the most famous cases of Inbreeding ever recorded.

Question Eight is about the Christian Depiction of Jesus as a Pale White Man with or without a full beard, Blue Eyes, and long blonde hair? Its been Historically PROVEN if Jesus did in fact exist He would have been Mediterranean meaning He’d been a Person of Color with Brown Eyes and Black Hair.

And since We are on the subject of Christian’s version of Christ why when depicted on the Cross Jesus again personifies the epitome of what most people would consider quite attractive?

I mean He’s got a 6 pack of Abs, Not an ounce of body fat, and is Ripped long and lean like a fucking Professional Swimmer?

Question Nine is about Religious Relations. Since as aforementioned Jesus was Jewish, AND the First Half of The Bible was written by The Jews how the fuck do Christians Historically to Condemn/Dislike/Disparage/Prosecute/Criticize/Dismiss The Jewish Religion/The Jews?

Without Judaism Christians wouldn’t have Jesus as Their Messiah, and Only Half of a Bible? If anything it looks like to me that the Christians should be thanking the Jews for all the fucking Help by providing some founding of fundamentals of The Christian Faith.

Last Question is Number Ten. How is it The Jews according to Christians were the sole reason for They Crucification and Subsequent Murder of Their Messiah (aka Jesus)? Last time I checked it was THE ROMANS who condemned Jesus to Death by Crucifixion.

Now true The Romans had some assistance locating Jesus thanks to JESUS’S DESCIPLE JUDAS?

There is a Theory Juda’s last name which in the Bible is Iscariot is more than likely a corruption of the Latin Sicarius (defined as “Murderer” or “Assassin” which seems very fucking convenient considering the Story. Now Sicarius were a Jewish Group who were the most Radical and Fanatical Sect of Judaism.

This to Me seems WAY TO FUCKING CONVENIENT, and its as of now Judas’s last name debate is UTTERLY UNFOUND and is NOT an indisputable fact by Theologians. So Judas’s possible Last Name or a Variant is just a Hypothesis or in Lay Man its just a GUESS OR SOMEONE’S PERSONAL BELIEF.

Thanks for Reading By Les Sober

The Darker Side of Social Absurdities.

Lets face it some(if not all) Social Norms and Conventions are just a ridiculous bunch of shit. Social Norms and Conventions are truly funny fucking things thats for sure.

I mean these are things We do without question. We don’t even think about it We just do almost on Instinct. And We don’t question Social Norms and Conventions because They have become Second Nature having been deeply ingrained in our minds brainwashing the shit out of Us since We were fucking Babies.

So then Society has Unwritten Rules about how Citizens of a Civilized Society should Behave (according to the Majority anyway.) Now if One stops to think about one of these Unwritten Rules One can see that more than most of Them Defy Logic in Their Absolute Absurdity.

Time for an Example. Heres one The Flyer/Poster Scenario. Now its likely to say most of Us have been in this position at least once in Our lives, and if not then you still definitely know what I’m talking about anyways.

Lets say You have a bunch of Flyer/Posters You want to put up for a Lost Pet or Selling a Car or Advertising an Event (Such as a County Fair or School/Church Event), and You want to Post some up in heavily trafficked areas like certain Business/Stores/Restaurants.

Now the Social Norm/Convention tells Us that if We are going to ask to hang up a Flyer/Poster at said Business/Store/Restaurants then You should buy something. Nothing Big just some small item or some bullshit before making Your formal request.

This is something that as even You Our Dear Reader having read the above are thinking:

“So why the hell should I give a shit about this post, everyone knows that. Its such commonplace knowledge that its fucking boring?!”

Well then Dearest Reader heres My Point this little Socially Structured Situation is actually quite Dark in Nature.

Allow Me to Explain if You will.

To start off with there is Business/Store/Restaurant Employee who is charge be They a Supervisor, Regional Manager, Owner, CEO, Manager, Assistant Manager, Manger of Managers or what fucking ever Their bullshit Title is.

Second You have The Citizen wishing to through up some Flyer/Poster for some Personal Reason Financial or Otherwise.

As dictated by Societal Unwritten Rules of Conduct The Citizen walks into the Establishment, and locates some minor purchase. Once the purchase is picked The Civilian promptly pays for it.

ONCE the monetary transaction is complete The Citizen makes Their request Directly to the Cashier (who may or may not refer The Citizen to “Management”) or to “Management” Themselves.

THE CITIZEN is thinking that since They bought something regardless of its size or value that the Ball is in Their Court. See No One said The Citizen couldn’t buy Their weekly groceries at said establishment before asking instead of just purchasing a Candy Bar is all I’m saying.

The Citizen perceives They have the so called advantage because that purchase is basically a fucking Bribe. Its a variation of “If You Scratch My Back I’ll Scratch Yours”, BUT in this case The Citizen has already scratched the Business’s back by buying some shit or another.

This makes the Citizen confident enough that Their request will not be denied. The Citizen figures what asshole would say no to someone who shopped at Their establishment especially if Their other Customers around, No one likes a scene and no one wants to look like the asshole.

As for The Business Representative in charge comes out and immediately sees The Citizen, AND that They have indeed made a purchase at Their Establishment.

So The Business Representative figures fuck it They have a couple free minutes so no harm in hearing The Citizen out anyways. Plus The said Citizen has also made a purchase so The Business has already banked some bucks. And letting Citizens post up Flyers/Posters or even having a Community Notice cork Board deal is GOOD PUBLIC RELATIONS which leads to more SALES.

In the end 90 plus percent of the fucking time The Citizen’s request will in fact be granted due sold to this Absurd Arrangement.

What I pointing out is this is NOT just a everyday pleasant Nicety its an exercise in Manipulation and Self Serving. Each Party has a set goal in The Citizen wants permission for Their Flyer/Poster, and the Business wants what Business want TO GET PAID. And to achieve Their goals each side uses a Accepted Social Practice of “Buy Before You Ask” to essential manipulate the situation in Their particular favor.

Moral of The Post: Think About Something Before You just Accept It as Is.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Day Whatever THE FCK!!! Gay People Suck I’m Going BACK INTO THE CLOSET and Having a HOUSE PARTY!

Yes I am having a house party and I’m going back into the closet!!!!!

Why would one do such a thing???? Because shouldn’t I be marching in some parade next summer with my new 6 pack abs, my tan in a bottle glistening off my chiseled face, and my buttocks slightly showing it’s well formed, yet well used shape???? Because I am not like them……..ahhhhh………!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCKADUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should I expect any more by people who ask me what designers I wear, call me cub or bear when I’m larger or call me slut when all I’m doing is looking at someone to decide if I could possibly be attracted to them (or if I’m just doing a deathstare to figure out why I’m doing the deathstare)? By the way sorry to the guy I’ve been deathstaring at the gym, I know there are plenty of better guys to stare at but for some reason you have won the deathstare…. Enjoy it’s a privilege, not a right. 🙂

I guess I just don’t relate. I will never be one of those people that can just live in one world or the other. I live in the real world, reality, whatever you want to call it. The only time I really leave that place is when I’m drunk. If most people went to say Cabo San Lucas when they drink, I’d have to say I go to an underground prison probably in either Siberia or China. Somewhere in that next of the woods……

So maybe my expectations are too high??? Maybe it’s only like one of 100 gay people who would answer the question, “What shows have you seen lately?”, with a band or two and not have Liza Manilli included in the answer. Maybe I’m the one who is flawed, who doesn’t really see the point of gay pride parades, doesn’t watch a show obsessively because it features gay people in their various worry lines, or doesn’t have a little random flag on the back of their car (although if the lesbian didn’t take all the clever bumper stickers i may have one, but I think some random fag shoved it up his ass)…..

Anyway my expectations are not too high. They really do not even exist. I just know for some reason that I do not relate to very many gay people. I like GOOD music, not crap. I like sports, mainly baseball and football, which is two more sports then everyone but the lesbians…..I don’t parade myself around. I think I’m a homophobe.

Is that even possible? A gay homophobe? Well if it is I guess I’m the closest thing there is to one. I really do kind of live on my own plane of existence or planet or whatever the fuck you call it. For those of you that say I just need to get laid or have a drink and get over it, I’ll fuck your mom, key your car, and tie you to your bedpost and make you watch Cats for a week straight.

“Oh no I said straight. They are coming to take my gay card. Quick hide in the closet!!! Do it like Anne Frank…..and be as quiet as Helen Keller.”

“OK if they come just queff your vag, that will distract them.”

“Oh no but what I just exfoliated. What if they take my gay card give it back then want to fuck? Then what the fucknations do I do??? Wait, quick I know strap that dildo on and distract them with that while I sneak out the back. NO NO NO. They’ll be lookin’ to do me in the back. I need to hit it in the front!!!!!!”

———————————-

Kegs of beer for one for all
Bra straps like to tumble and fall
Neotrails blaze into the night
Choose the forsaken
Amen need church need jesus
Fuck that man I ain’t that uptight

Lalalalala. So ummmm can I possibly be a homophobe? I once hung out with Neonazis but I was like 16 and dumb and for some reason they didnt kill me….. Dur durrrr durrr dur dur…..

By SpaceDog

None Shall Pass: Spacedog’s Cosmic Conditions for Earth Dwellers

Hi all great earth bound brethren.

I’m back from my trip exploring the cosmos. It was mildly amusing I must say, but my mood swings got a bit in the way. What the hell else is new?

I searched many planets for myself. I tasted many foods, I was on many a tour bus, and the initial, “Let me take a picture with an Earthling!” grew tiresome eventually (to say the least).

I even tried to have a relationship with someone from another planet (I promised him I wouldn’t say which) but as he had no insertion points or points to insert we both agreed that me having a life long thing with vibrating Jimmy was not the best for my future sanity.

So I came back to Earth. What wow it has been like 2 weeks I think???? Yeah it’s been for 2 whole weeks since I’ve landed. I am so glad to be back home.

Enough. Enough. Enough. I am done rambling. You can ask me about my trip privately, I’ve been told I must keep things on the d/l for galactic security purposes. So don’t ask anything you wouldn’t ask your mother. Oh fuck like I would do anything your mother would do. Well maybe one or two friends I could get down and party with mama. You bitches know who you are.

I have started to hear my mind whisper to me again. It is really cool. I thought I’d share this because it means I can actually get it on with writing more of a project that is longer. Wait shit I still ramble.

NOW the point of this post..

There are some I have neglected and some I have not. You probably know who you are. There are some who seem to have crawled into their foxholes and can’t send back a text message.

While there are others of you that show up at my doorstep unannounced, unbridled, and unsane. So let me just give you mofos a little disclaimer.

#1 (yes I am making a list twats)- I may occasional enjoy a bit of plumbers crack, but please don’t be comin’ up on my doorstep with your glass dicks and your nicotine hungry mouths looking for handouts. The missionary is closed. I am no saint. I am not your Mother Theresa. I am missionary position.

#2 I don’t want to hear the same story 5000 times!!! If a story is that amusing to me you will hear a little thing called laughter trickle out of my mouth. If you do me real good, you may even get a snort. If you can get a snort out of me while there is beer in my mouth and it comes out the nose, then you are allowed to tell your stupid story again and then while I’m sober I can laugh about how drunk I must have been to have even seemed mildly interested. I am not groundhog day.

#3 I do not have a warrant for my arrest at the present time. If you piss me off to the point of unannouncedness enough I will call the cops. I am Police Academy.

#4- I am in season. If you would like to stop by, you need a guest pass. If you want a season pass, talk to my pimp.

#5- Yes fuchsia is my natural hair color. I go once a year to Japan for them to fix me up so I assimilate into society better.

#6- No I will not go to church with you. Doing so (no matter how badly I want your essence) will cause my bowels to spontaneously reverse. And yes I have been told the story (personally) of what this entails. I can tell you if you make me go to church and I will help you reverse yours if you force me to do so as well.

#7- Yes those that is my natural eye color. Yes when I get super shitfaced, they gradually go from blue to red and green and if you ask me again I am getting brown contact lenses.

#8- If you’ve actually made it this far, good for you, thankfully there are only two more AND you should go outside after you read my rampage. Spring has sprung, try to smell the love in the air (if you aren’t in love go somewhere by yourself to do this…there’s way more bad feelings floating around out there then love)

#9- Okay so now get down on your knees and face lawrenceville new jersey.

#10- FINAL LIQUIDATION- I am liquidizing my body fat and it will be on sale soon on ebay. If you are in need of a few pounds, please let me know and we can make the trade. I am also liquidizing doom, gloom, misery, and old michael bolton/celine deon albums (anyway those I’m actually burning)

Actually this is kinda like 10b- If you would like to be a part in my first annual burning of bad music please get back to me. It doesn’t have to be a burning any form of destruction will do.

Time has had its way.
You have had your say.
Since your purpose in life was my yesterday.

The ship has pulled into its port
And cocaine with you.
I will not snort.

Even though you’re so dashing.
With your pearly big whites
I’m crashing from the nutmeg
I’m falling through your thighs.

My chimney needs not a sweep from you
And it’s so purple will not do

I climb this bridge
Before I fall
You will catch me
Your eyes will catch me

Z time lasses and lads z time.

By SpaceDog