Coffee – f-your blog

Scammer Tried Scamming And Got His Ass Handed To Him

So since the dawn of fucking Humanity there have been piece of shit Scammers. One of the Biggest Types of Scams as We are All Aware is Counterfeiting. Counterfeiting has gone hand in hand with Humanity. People have been creating Fake Products and Money since the fucking Dawn of Time. A Few Examples Counterfeiting from Throughout History such as the Invention of Colored Glass at the Time of the Roman Empire. Surprisingly this fucking led to a Sudden Massive Increase in Fake Gems Stones such as Rubys and shit.

Then Back in the fucking 1800’s the Country was fucking Infested with Medical Bullshitters Known as fucking Snake Oil Salesmen. Snake Oil Salesmen sold Phony Medical Elixirs/Medicines that were Billed as Miracle Cures for fucking Any and All Medical Diseases, Problems, or Afflictions Whatever the fuck that Means) that You had. “Do You Suffer from Mind fucking Migraines, Stage fucking 4 Brain Cancer, Syphilis (Apparently everyone back then was a Slut so Damn Near every motherfucker had an STD Syphilis was in particularly Popular, Arthritis, Cold/Flu, Pain of any Kind, Digestive Issues (Ex. IBS), and Menstruation Issues? Have No Fear Ladies and fucking Gentlemen all You have to do is just DRINK THIS SHIT! Once the Medicine/Elixir starts to fucking Work You’ll become Symptom Free You will Actually Feel better than You have Ever Before in Your Entire Life! You’ll be Stronger, Taller, and Healthier than You could even IMAGINE!!” Not to fucking Mention at the time these So Called Medicines were Primarily a Harmless Liquid combined with a Variety of fucking Hardcore Narcotics like fucking Morphine, Alcohol, Cocaine, Heroin, or at Least fucking Alcohol (Ex. Whiskey). Obviously these Bullshit Remedies didn’t Cure a fucking thing. All these Concoctions accomplished to do is Seriously fuck Customers Up. They fucked Customers so Much that They didn’t care anymore about Their Health Problems (or Anything fucking Else for that Matter). I mean Seriously the Primary fucking reason People Drink or Do Drugs is to Stop Giving a Flying Fuck about all the Bullshit They have to Deal with.

Then in the Early 1900’s Snake Oil Salesmen became a New Type of Assholes when They ditched the Fake Fucking Medicines in Favor of Quack Medical Devices. Once again None of these Alleged Treatments did a goddamn thing to Help Anyone in the fucking Least. These absurd fucking Treatments didn’t even get You fucking High usually They were Uncomfortable as Fuck or Outright fucking Painful. Not only were these Treatments a complete fucking Fraud They could fuck up the patient even Worse. The reason all these Scumfuck Scammers could Peddle these Fraudulent Medical Devices or Treatments is that the Government didn’t Require any fucking Medical Proof that a Treatment Worked. This led to allowing Anyone to Claim Anything did Everything under the fucking Sun. Fast Forward to the Rampant Greed when Cash was fucking King of the 1980’s. In the 80’s it became fucking Common Place (and Considered just the Price of Doing Business) for Stock Brokers to Promote any Stock regardless if it was Worth a Damn. So Stock Brokers started hawking All kinds of Shit Stocks to Their Clients because They didn’t give a Shit about Their Clients. It became All about was the Stock Broker’s Commission, and getting Obscenely Rich off Bullshitting Their Clients into Buying Worthless fucking Stocks.

With the Invention of the Internet Scamming was taken to a Whole New fucking Level. From the Earliest Days of their Internet with the Nigerian Prince Email Scams. This Type of Scam is Seriously Fucktarded I mean the Premise Alone is utterly fucking Unbelievable, and to be Honest I really have No fucking Clue HOW Anyone could Fall for Such Blatant Bullshit. The Scam Basically claims a Prince or Diplomat is Stuck in Africa by No Fault of Their Own. Then the Scammer would Claim that on Top of being Stranded that for Some Vague and Ridiculous Reason They ALSO had Their Bank Accounts Frozen. Then the Scammer would ask or flat out or even resort to Pleading/Begging the Victim to Help Them out. To Help the Scammer makes Absolutely Insane Proposition which is if the Victim Sends the Several Thousands of fucking Dollars to Unfreeze Their Finances, and in Return for the Help They will Repay the Victim with Millions of Dollars.

Now I could go on All fucking Day about this Scam, but I’ll just sum it the fuck up like this. Even if You Play Devil’s Advocate the Scam is Absurd because WHY the fuck would a African Prince/Diplomat/Royalty Who was in Such a Dire Situation reach out to COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER(S) in a Different Country across the fucking Ocean?! What the fuck is that about Don’t They have Friends or Family They could Contact or a Government Office or Authority for Help?! Once You ask Yourself that Basic Question You See Immediately that the African Prince’s Email Plea for Help is a Rather Pathetically Planned Scam.

A Few Examples of Current ongoing Scams includes, but is Not Limited to the The IRS Scam, Romance Scam, Pop Up Scam, PayPal Scam, Refund Scam, Amazon Scam, Crypto Scams, Netflix Scam, Roku Scam, Extended Warranty Scam, or Social Security Number Scam. With the Addition of Social Media it Provided a Breeding Ground for Scammers to Scam, Communicate, Exchange People’s Personal Information, and Coordinate Scams. All You have to do to see this for Yourself is to Spend a Couple Minutes on Telegram the Dark Wed Equivalent of Social Media Platforms. Telegram is Nothing but a Criminal Platform for Scammers, Pedophiles, Racist Groups, Terrorist Groups, and Extremists, BUT that’s an Another Post unto itself. Let’s fucking Face It People as a Whole are Egotistical Animals that because We have Thumbs, and Walk Upright We that makes Us the Center of the fucking Universe.

So just the Other Day a New Mom and Pop Coffee Shop Opened in a Near by Town from where I Live, and I fully Believe in Supporting Both Local and Small Businesses. Fuck Big Box Bullshit Store like Walmart or fucking Target. I believe in Financially Crippling Corporations while Simultaneously Bankrupting Billionaires. Bottomline Riot Against the Rich and Eat the Elite. With that said the Coffee Shop in question is a fucking Poor Excuse for a Coffee Shop believe You Me. Just imagine Someone created a Cheap and Even Worse Version of Starbucks Run by a Bunch of Unpleasant Cunts.

Seriously These fucking Employees acted as if They were in a fucking Prison Cafeteria or some shit like that. They were Cold as fuck with Eat Shit Scowls plastered Across Their Faces that made Resting bitch Face look like an Ear to fucking Ear Smile. It wouldn’t have Surprised Me if a fucking Full Blown Riot Broke Out where Customers (and the Staff Alike) Started Shiving the shit Out of Each Other. All this should have served as fucking Foreshadowing for the Events to Come that’s fucking for sure.

As soon as I got My Coffee I exited the Shop post fucking Haste as all I had thought about since Entering was Exiting. Granted I Drive what most People would Refer to as a Big Ass Truck complete with Big Nasty Trailer Hitch. Being that the Coffee Shop is in a rather Small Town there was More than Ample Parking. There was so much fucking Available Parking it was like a fucking Zombie Apocalypse had Occurred. Honestly there fucking wasn’t a Single fucking Car that I could fucking See Parked ANYWHERE. In Spite of this the Only Asshole Who came to the Coffee Shop while I was There Parked Directly Behind Me. I mean the Asshole parked so fucking Close that They were Literally Bumper Fucking My Truck is All I’m saying. I admit I was still Contemplating How Crappy the Coffee Shop was and Forgot to Look Behind Me when I was Leaving. It didn’t even fucking Occur to Me that A) There was Anyone Else doing Anything in Town other then Me, and B) with all the Aforementioned Parking I never Though an Asshole would Park Behind Me (Not to Mention so fucking Insanely Close to Boot).

Well Needless to Say when I Put the truck in Reverse, Took My foot off the Brake and the Truck INSANELY SLOWLY Rolled Back. As Soon as I took My fucking Foot off the fucking Brake I felt a Small Bump and Immediately Pulled My Truck Forward. I then Turned the fucking Truck Off so I could Get Out and See if there was Any Damage. I really didn’t fucking think there would be Any since My Trailer Hitch Barely touched the Other Car’s Bumper. Now there was a TINY fucking Dent the Size of a fucking Quarter that could be Fixed by just Using a Toilet Plunger to Undo the Dent it’s Simple as fuck to do. I proceeded to reenter the Crappy Coffee Shop and inquired to Who the Owner of Said Vehicle Was. As it Turned Out it was the ONLY other fucking Customer to Show Up Other than This Guy the Place was a fucking Ghost Town. The Man was a Heavy Set and on the Short Side and was Dressed like a 1970’s Pimp. I’m not even Joking He was wearing a Vibrantly Purple 3 Piece Suit complete with a Wide Brimmed Hat and a Cane for Aesthetics. I couldn’t Help Wonder even with the Addition of the Internet WHERE did this fucking Guy Buy such a Suit in the First Place. Once the Shock of the Man’s Outrageously Ugly Suit I informed Him of what the fuck Happened, and We ventured Outside so He could See the “Damage” for Himself.

So when We get to this Man’s Car He took a Glance at His Bumper and States “We can this Handle Ourselves”. Instantly I fucking knew I had a Lowly Scammer on My Hands. The Protocol is if You’re in ANY kind of Automobile Altercation You call the fucking Cops who take a Report to be Submitted to the Insurance Companies. It took only a matter of a Few fucking Seconds for the Man to Insist I Owed Him $50 for the Damage which was Absolutely fucking Fucktarded. Now I’m sure this Motherfucker thought He had an Easy Mark in a Supposedly Nervous White Kid, BUT Boy Oh fucking Boy was He wrong as Fuck. I immediately Stated that I wasn’t giving Him a Goddamn Dime Not Now Not Ever.

The Man ignored Me and Continued Pushing His Scam. It’s Significant to Mention this Happened in the Middle of the Day in a Small Rural Farming Community on Main Street, and the Obscenity Laden Language I was using is Utterly Uncommon for the fucking Bible Belt. Seriously these are the Type of People that freaked the fuck out when an Actor in the Movie in Gone With The Wind said “Frankly Scarlett I Don’t give a Damn.” Also I stuck out like a Sore fucking Numb as Well because I don’t look like the fucking Locals. The Locals have an Unofficial Uniform consisting of Generic Blue Jeans, T-Shirt with some fucking Animal on it, and a Baseball Cap which makes Everyone look like a Redneck Clone of Each Other. I on the Other Hand Wear Death Metal/Goregrind Band T-Shirts, Black Jeans, Sunglasses, and a Hat that Reads “G_ F_ck Y__rs_lf and Under that “Want to Buy a Vowel?” Not to mention I have Long ass Hair, Prominent Tattoos, a Righteous Wild Man Goatee, and Do Not give a Flying Fuck about Social Norms.

This Standoff if You will Continued like this for about half a fucking Hour as He demanded Cash and Me telling Him Not a Chance in Hell. Then an Epiphany Hit Me like a Ton of fucking Bricks and I knew right then and there I had this Scammer backed into a fucking Corner. You See the Fact this Scammer Shithead was so fucking Insistent when it came to NOT contacting the Cops let Me know I had the Advantage. That’s when I switched up My Strategy and gave the Scammer an Ultimatum. Either He could Shut the Fuck Up, Walk Away, and We’d Hopefully never see Each other Again. And if He was that fucking Bent Out of Shape about His fucking Bumper then I’d Gladly Call the Cops. As You might Imagine the Scammer recoiled at the Idea of the Cops like a fucking Vampire from a Cross. I cut the Scammer Off because I was fucking sick and tired of going in Circles and getting fucking No Where. I laid into the Scammer Repeating Louder and More Aggressive as I went Repeating My Ultimatum. This threw the Scammer off His Game, BUT He sure as Hell wasn’t letting this shit go as He started Babbling like a Tongue Tied Village Idiot. At this Point I was Extremely Pissed Off which Prompted Me to Tell the Scammer that My Drivers License and Insurance were Clean, I didn’t have Contraband (anything You wouldn’t want a Cop to fucking Find) on Me or In My truck, and I didn’t have any Outstanding Legal Issues like a Warrant for Example.

See My Epiphany I mentioned Earlier was that Last Thing the Low Life Scumfuck Scammer wanted was to have the Cops Come. This is Quite Obviously because Unlike Me He DID have something to Hide that He sure as Hell didn’t want the Cops to Discover. Knowing this Meant I had the Upper Hand since like I said I was Free and Clear of any Issue/Problem with the Cops. At this Point I pulled My Phone Out and Pulled Up the Local Police Phone Number from My Contacts (I have Friends/Family that live in that Area so that’s Why I had the Cops in My Contacts) and Held the Phone Up so the Scammer Could See It. Once again the Scammer tried to Bullshit about the Situation which caused Me to Shove My Phone in the Scammers Face to make My fucking Point. Believe it Or Not the Scammer Switched Gears from Stand Offish to Trying to Win Me over with be Ungodly Friendly as if We’d known Each other Since Childhood. I informed Him We weren’t Friends and never fucking would be So let’s stay on Point and deal the Bumper Bumping Issue. The Scammer was Struggling as He hadn’t Expected to Encounter a Foul Mouthed, Aggressive, and Head Strong Individual that wasn’t about to take Shit from any-fucking-one. Perhaps around this Point the Scammer FINALLY started to Realize He couldn’t Win though He Kept trying for awhile Longer.

The Scammer started to Haggle over the Price He wanted for the “Damage” to His Bumper (Though His Car was a Beater Piece of Shit that looked like He was Living in It), and Tried to Start a Negotiation. He First reduced His Price by Knocking $20 off and said He’d settle for $30 instead. This Strategy Failed as Badly as His Previous Strategies and I Told Him Once again that I wasn’t giving Him one Red fucking Cent. Then the Scammer reduced His Price again to $20 as if He thought He was Haggling in a fucking Pawn Shop. I was fucking Dumbfounded when the Scammer Shitfuck still kept up His Fucktarded Price Brokering. The Scammer once again Cut the Price in Half to $10 and I Utterly Lost My Shit and then Some. I Damn Near Yelled Directly in the Scammers Face that ONCE AGAIN I Wasn’t Giving Him Shit No Matter How Low He Went, and Then I Shoved My Phone Back in His Face but This Time I Hit the Dial Button.

That Move caused the Shitty Scammer to Panic as He had Figured Out that Not Only was He not getting a goddamn Dollar, But if the Cops came He’d have a real fucking Bad Day by Ending Up on the Wrong Side of the Law. The Scummy Scammer’s Eyes were as Wide as fucking Dinner Plates, He started Waving His Arms Frantically, and was Trying to Talk so Fast He just Talked Over Himself. I Hung Up before the Cops Answered as the Scammer was fucking Done and My Mission was a Success. As Soon as I hung Up I glared at the Shitsplat Scammer and told Him for the Last Time I’m NOT fucking Around which He now well Aware Of by Now. I then reiterated My Ultimatum for the Last fucking Time Walk the fuck Away or I’m calling the Cops. The Scammer at Last Admitted Total Defeat and Started Spouting bullshit about How He gets Along with Everyone. I immediately responded by Telling Him I’m Someone who is Part of Everyone and We weren’t getting Along just to be a Dick.

Thus in the End the Scammer fucked Off and I’ve never seen the Scumfuck again which is a Good Thing as if I do See the Motherfucker it’s going to be Round 2. The Moral to the fucking Story is Don’t take shit from Scammer Pieces of Shit. If Anyone try to Exploit You like this Tell’em to Get Fucked and Threaten to Call the Cops and You’ll be just fucking fine. In the End I did receive Several Phone calls that Evening from Friends who Reported How the Science on the Street had Apparently caught the Attention of every Driver on the Road. Now I have the reputation as the Local Psychopath that’s Best to Be Avoided, But Fuck It it Doesn’t Bother Me it Keeps Asshats the fuck Away from Me GREAT.

It is What it Is,

By Les Sober

PUMPKIN SPICE – White Woman Season

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring PUMPKIN SPICE – WHITE WOMAN SEASON byOne of Our Favorite Animators Meatcanyon. MeatCanyon’s real name is Hunter August Hancock better know by His online user name MeatCanyon. Hancock is an American Youtuber, Animator, Voice Actor, Comedian, Writer, and Director who makes Parody Animations of Popular Characters (say Sponge Bob for instance). Some viewers of MeatCanyon’s Animations have been Described them in just One Single Word “Horrifying”. A common on going gag in Hancock’s video’s is that Something Normal or Mundane gets You Killed or Possible Worse.

One of the Key Reasons We get a Real fucking Kick Out of this Particular MeatCanyon Cartoons is the Social Commentary. First Off Let’s all fucking Face it this Pumpkin Spice Obsession that People have is Way the Hell Out of Control at this Point. It was Annoying Enough when it was just Fucking Starbucks (or Starbucks as We refer to Them as) Pimped Their Pumpkin Spice Coffee every fucking October Relentlessly. Then every Other Motherfucker started Peddling a Pumpkin Spice Version of Their fucking Products from Coffee Creamer to Spam. Yeah that’s fucking Right fucking SPAM the Infamous Canned fucking Meat adds Pumpkin Spice to the Ears and Assholes or Whatever Meat Scrap Dog Food They Use. Again I Think We all can fucking Agree when there is a Pumpkin Spice Spam shit has Gone WAY TOO fucking Far.

Now as Far as Starbucks is Concerned its Nothing More than a Caffeine Fueled Scam. Coffee is Simply Hot Water Filtered through fucking Coffee Bean Grounds so Essentially it’s Hot Caffeinated Coffee Flavored fucking Water. And We could care the fuck Less about all the Bullshit Gimmicks (There Others then just the Pumpkin Spice Shit) like Whip Cream Topping, Sprinkle of fucking Cinnamon, Adding Caramel fucking Drizzle it’s all Horseshit. Also We Do Not Give a Flying fuck that They call Their Employees as fucking Baristas or That They sell fucking Fruit. Not to Mention the Pathetically Lame CDs (Yeah fucking CDs believe that Shit) by People NO ONE GIVES A RAT’S ASS ABOUT which is Why Their CD is being Sold at a Pompous Over Rated Commercialized Coffee Shop Chain.

Bottomline on this Starbucks bullshit is They try WAY TOO FUCKING HARD to come off as Some Authentic High Class Italian Coffee Shop. The Reality it’s Run by Greedy Corporate Whores and is a Americanized Wannabe Classy European/Italian Bistro when it’s just a SCAM to get Gullible Gimmick Loving Lemmings to Pay $9 for Hot Coffee Flavored Water. If Your a Starbucks Fan and get all Bent about this Please Go Butt Chug a $12 DickNip-Dipshit-Half Caff Motherfucking Mocha Latte on Us (and Don’t forget the fucking Pumpkin Spice Asshole)!!!

Enjoy.

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Just When I Though I’d Seen It All…..

The Other Day Started just like another with Me Battling Dogs to reach My Phone to shut off the Alarm. The Issue is the Dog’s damn well Know that when the Alarm goes off I get Up, and They get to Go Outside which also apparently includes giving Them Each a Treat. Needless to Say after a Moderate Struggle I managed to Shut the Alarm off and Let the Dogs Out (Yeah it was Me so Suck On That), and then Immediately headed into the Kitchen to Whip up some Coffee or Go Juice as it is Referred to Around these Parts.

To say I’m NOT a Morning Person is the Understatement of the fucking Millennium and I wish I was Joking. The Rule is NO ONE is to talk to Me for a Full Hour after I get Up because While I look Awake and with it I am More or Less running on Autopilot. Unfortunately for Me a Man born without a Patient Bone in His Entire fucking Body Our Heavily used Keurig Shit the Bed quite a While Ago so My Wife started Using a French Press. So taking Several Technological Steps backwards I put the Kettle on the Stove, and Turned the Knob to Ignite the Flame since We use Natural Gas for Cooking (and to Heat Our Tankless Hot Water Heater). The Pilot Light was Crackling Away like a fucking Downed Power Line, but Alas there was No Flame to Speak Of. Annoyed by this Inconvenience I started Turning the Other Knobs in an Attempt to get One out the Four to Ignite and Agin My Efforts were Thwarted.

My Anger Kicked in like a fucking Jet Engine Revving Up as the Idea of My Precious Coffee being Delayed even if for only a Few Minutes Enraged Me to No End. It was then that it Occurred to Me that I literally could Not Remember the Last Time I called the GAs Company to Refill Our Tank. Needless to Say I was Now under the Unacceptable assumption that We had fucked up by Not Monitoring the Level of Gas in he Tank , and Thus We must have simply Run Out of Gas. This would be a Royal Pain in the Ass Trust Me. The Gas Company is called Edisto and They are Nothing Short of a Bad Joke. In all Honesty it is BY FAR the Most Half Assed Operation I have Ever Witnessed and I’ve seen Plenty during the Course of My Life. A Quick Example of Edisto’s Ineptitude Ironically was When We Scheduled a Refill for Our Tank and When the Day Arrived the Edisto Employee Didn’t. The Good Old No Call No Show Routine. I called Edisto and Explained what happened and They Apologized and Said They’d Send someone out Right Away. Again No One Came without Any Notice Whatsoever. I called Edisto a Third fucking time, and the Third Time was the Charm as They Say, and at Last I got a Refill.

I ventured out onto the Front Porch and for Some Reason I still Don’t rightfully Understand Instead of going Left to Exit the Porch. You see I’d have to Walk from the Porch around to the side of the House where the Gas Tank is, Yet instead I cut Right because You can See (but Not Access) the Gas Tank from there. I leaned over the Railing and Turned My Head towards the Gas Tank I wasn’t at all Prepared for what I saw Next. The Gas Tank was Gone. The Four Cement Blocks it Sat On where still there along with the Disconnected Gas Line but the Gas Tank Itself had for all Intents and Purposes Up and fucking Disappeared.

It was in that Brief Moment I learned what the Saying “Does Not Compute” actually meant as My Brain was so Scrambled by Confusion I initially had No fucking Clue what to do or what I should do next. It’s was total Mindfucking Clusterfuck as My Eyes relayed to the Brain the Gas Tank was in Fact No Longer where it Should Be, and My Brain just Couldn’t grasp the Concept. In all Favor something like a Gas Tank (which is 6 Feet Long, Standing 4 Feet High, and made of Steel) is something You would Never even Consider a Possibility. It would be like walking Out of Your House in the Morning to Find Your 2 Car Garage Missing, or Perhaps Your Driveway suddenly Vanished without a Trace.

As I scanned the Yard still in a complete State of Shock and Awe I noticed there were a Distinct set of Truck Tire Tracks running across My Front Lawn. They Truck Tracks ran From the Middle of My Driveway across My Front Lawn and Ended by where the Gas Tank had Previously been for the last Four fucking Years. Undoubtedly I did experience a Moment of Panic mixed with Extreme Anxiety where I though the Gas Tank had been Stolen. I was Equally aware that the Idea that Someone Stole it made Abosolutely No fucking Sense Whatsoever. Beside being Big, Bulky, and Heavy as Hell the Metal that the Gas Tank is Constructed with has Zero Scrap Value like say Copper Wiring/Pipes. It was as Mr. Spock Would Say “Illogical”. Even though the Whole thing Defied Logic it was abundantly Clear that the ONLY Culprit could be the Edisto. Why the fuck They took My Gas Tank without Notice or Warning still baffled Me. I thought it was Safe to assumed it must have to do with Money even though We hadn’t bought Gas Forever so How could We owe Them a Goddamn Dime?!

Out of Sheer Bewilderment I called My Mother. I figured that having spent a Majority of Her Life Living in a Small Town in the South might have some Information on the Subject at Hand. When I spoke with Her She had No Clue Either What Possibly could be Going On and Said I should Call the Police. There was No Way in Hell I was going to (at least at this point or perhaps as a LAST Resort) call the Cops to Report My Gas Tank had Gone Missing. Calling the Police before Contacting the Gas Company seemed Foolish. I then Texted a Picture of the Vacant Area where the Gas Tank had been, and a brief Synopsis as to what had Occurred to My Wife who was at Work at the Time since it was Mid Morning. She Texted Me Back that Granted the Situation was Bizarre and that We Needed to call The Gas Company. Then being the Angel that She is asked if I wanted Her to call Them, and since I still felt Half Asleep, Denied My Glorious Cup of Coffee, and Befuddled Beyond Belief said Yes. I can say with One Hundred Percent Honesty that if I had called the Call would have broken down into a Serious Shit Show because in My Current State of Mind My Anger would Undoubtedly Rear its Ugly Head.

It only took about Ten Minutes Before My Wife Called Me with the Missing Pieces of the Missing Gas Tank Puzzle. It turned Out that it Never Occurred to Us that We didn’t Actually Own the Gas Tank even though it was There When We Bought the fucking House. Apparently the Gas Company Owns it and Charges Us a Five Dollar a Month Rental Fee which We were also Utterly Ignorant of. According to the Gas Company We hadn’t need a Refill since and I kid You Not Early 2019, BUT We hadn’t Paid the Rental Fee and They came and Repossessed Their Equipment. First of All We were Never informed of this Rental Charge (Neither was My Mother which Blew My Mind that Even She wasn’t Aware), but that Makes Sense considering the Gas Company is a Prime Example of How NOT to Run a fucking Business. I also riffled through the Past Years Bills, and Low and Behold there wasn’t a Single fucking Bill from the Gas Company pertaining to an Over Due Rental Fee Situation.

In the End My Wife Paid Off Our Bill in Full, and by some Odd Twist of Fate somehow was Talked into Buying a Hundred and Fifty Gallons of Natural Gas. I’ve never been a Science Whiz so I’m not even Sure How the fuck You Measure a Gas in Gallons Since the Gallon is a Unit of Measurement Used for Measuring Liquids. Also if We use so Little Natural Gas that We went Damn Near Two Years on a Full Tank means with a Hundred a Fifty Gallons of Natural Gas We have More Then We could Ever fucking Use for the Rest of Our Lives. The Amazingly Strange thing to Me is in Spite of a True Comedy of Errors the Gas Company still some how Managed to make a Sale. I also thought to Myself that if the Gas Company Guy had Knocked on the Door I could have Paid Him right Then and There and all of the Bullshit wouldn’t have been Necessary. Needless to Say the Gas Company wasted its Own Time, Gasoline, and Man Hours having Their Employee take the Tank without trying to collect Payment First Firsthand. All I know is I wasn’t the Only Person Pissed Off about How this Scenario was Handled because when the Gas Company Guy Returned to Return and Hook up the Tank He looked Madder than a Motherfucker. He really Should have Tried Knocking on the Door.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

WITHDRAWALS OF THE MISUNDERSTOOD PART 1

Hey Spacedog here….

It’s been a while. There was not going to originally be a post until next week but I just decided yesterday that enough was enough. What is it that I am coming off of you ask?

Well first off, my absence from here is mostly pandemic related. Out of all the billions of individuals in the world, I am probably in the top 1% of people with insane paranoid reactions. Eventually though I kinda grew to like it. I got to wear a mask so no one would know who I was. I didn’t have to worry if suddenly after 8 years of grand mal seizures today would be the day and I’d go straight into the Delaware River on my way to my doctor’s office. And I didn’t have to have any house guests! I became the Maybelline Girl. Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s Maybelline! I was born for this.

Anyway….

So I’ve got to say I have been quite a bit off about one thing I have been telling people recently. My sobriety date from alcohol…. I really thought I drank this year. Nope the receipts clearly show November 17, 2019. Not that the difference between that and February 1st really matters much to me. All I know is the last 3 times I drank were rum, beer, and sparkling seltzer in that order. The rum tasted stale so I ended up dumping 4 ozs of a 14 oz bottle. The beer I ended up having to just toss after 5 of 12 because frankly it made me feel beyond shitty. As for the sparkling seltzer it was surprisingly good but actually still made me feel awful afterwards. Most of these manifestations I describe above were physical.

I sorta just quit. I did not need any bells and whistles or pats on the back. I kinda just did it on my own and it was mine and mine alone. No one could brag about how wonderful of a person they were to get me sober (while doing meth on the side, thanks AA Sponsor #6) or how they were so vital to my recovery (Here looking at you Sponsor #4, enjoy the oxys). Frankly I just did not care anymore. I guess I’m at day 275 or 276 or something for those who are counting. Frankly I’m not…..

So what is it I am coming off of right now? It’s nothing sexy or dangerous like meth or heroin or molly or crack or coke. Just some plain old cigarettes and coffee.

I can honestly say I feel entirely better than I thought I would at this point. I am a master at coming off of drugs, but sadly I am a bit rusty. I feel between all the antidepressants, heroin (several times), alcohol, and mood stabilizers I have been in this moment at least 30 different occasions before.

This occasion is really mild. The heroin was the worst by far but only when I was snorting it. I honestly only even got minor withdrawal no matter how much I shot. Alcohol I had about 2 Leaving Las Vegas spells in my 20s, but not really any withdrawal other than that.

The anti-depressants quite honestly to me were the biggest joke as well as the hardest legal drugs I have ever had to come off of. Depakote, lithium, effexor, paxil, prozac, seroquil, serzone. A laundry list of harm to me. Suicidal, emotionless, too much fake joy, sexless, mania, and winner winner chicken dinner homicidal respectively.

I seriously called poison control when it came to the Serzone. I kept thinking of what kind of knives my neighbors had and what it would be like to use them. And my nails look like I applied a bright coat of dark pink nail polish. P Control literally had no idea how to help me with what was going on. I called my friend Seth on the phone a few minutes later and he informed me he was on that garbage and to have some milk. A minute later my nails returned to normal, my thoughts came back shortly after.

Honestly coffee was going to be a battle for next week to give up but as I settled in on my couch at home I smelled the faint scent of flowers. It was mostly roses but maybe some lavender or lilac. I usually get this when my spirit guide is nearby. Anyway so I figured I’d just go to bed. At 6pm.

Then woke up at 130 and started writing this blog. I think I wholeheartedly can say that 1:30AM is a shitty ass time to wake up. I suppose this would be the absolute perfect time to wake up if I were say a rapist. Boom sober, boom bar, boom victim and whatever else rapey people do in between. Spray themselves down with the most vile of scents. I’m sure there are nice smelling rapists but frankly none of my rapists were Glade Scent Stories inspired. Obscure reference I know…. glade scent stories were this little thing that looked like a CD Walkman and you put the CD in and it would through a few scents per CD.

Physically though I’m feeling pretty good all things considered. I was highly disappointed that I was not able to pick out any online courses last evening but if my path is less than 24 hours off I really shouldn’t let myself worry too much. I really am not missing the cigarettes a whole lot especially without that stupid nicotine patch making my arm itch like crazy.

Coffee…. well I’ve just been trying to find any and all negative information. All I know is it comes from a plant and well I am inching oh so close to the Carnivore Diet or something similar. I still haven’t felt right since I juiced kale, zucchini, brocolli and lime. It tasted terrible. Rape victim of the jolly Green Giant terrible. Threw up 30 minutes later and passed out for 2.5 hours after.

So coffee….wheeeeee….. I probably should have tapered off down to 1 cup a day before I quit but I’m always up for a bigger challenge and a better suffering at this point. I’ve been drinking 3-5 cups a day for a few weeks. All this self imposed lockdown, this suffering, this absence of bliss will pay off in spades one day I tell myself.

I just don’t want to be half sober. I feel all of these people out there in Alcoholics Anonymous and all these other recovery programs are the biggest bunch of hypocrites on the planet. They are following around a plan based on 80 years of complete horseshit and pseudoscience. I guess I get it though. Most people are too weak and broken to get better on their own. They never seek their answers within and only rely on outside counsel. They drink coffee like fish, chain smoke like the marlboro man, and eat some of the worst cookies on the planet. Like seriously maybe I hadn’t been to a meeting in a while, but Chips Ahoy?

I see most of these people now for what they truly are. A bunch of dry drunks going around who like to preach to others because it gives them a sense of self importance. My way or the highway they say.

The absolute funniest thing about these people is they will engage you in normal conversation until you mention that you are not in AA. It’s like I single-handedly broke the matrix somehow. Seriously far more people get sober when not in this archaic broken program. The effectiveness is probably somewhere between aspirin between the knees and self baptism in your favorite local polluted body of water. I guess I shouldn’t knock anyone though it’s just frustrating.

I was put on this Earth to help others and sometimes I think the only way I am going to be able to do it is lie my teeth off. Sure I can lie my teeth off if I meet you somewhere by random chance….. like if I needed to come up with a BS story for my Grubhub driver or a grocery store clerk. When it comes to write though I don’t have that luxury. It’s just not in my blood. Brutal honesty or no writing. Only two options here.

But the moral of the story is it is only day 2 and day 1. cigarettes and coffee. It would be nice to be able to honestly just listen in to an AA meeting but I know I am not welcome at any. Well of course I am just not one meeting in particular I went to drunk because my wonderful sponsor #3 thought that Tori Amos concerts were going to somehow involve me shooting meth and going to circuit parties.

man I pick the winners! I seriously hope I don’t pick a husband as poorly one day as these sponsors. My award-winning sponsor picking is literally on par with Larry King and his fantastic wife picking. (I have no idea who any of his wives are, but I just assume if that many people would willing marry someone he either has a giant penis or a giant bank account) .

Gotta pick courses now will post tomorrow if I am not dead already.

By Spacedog

The Tale of Dunkin Donuts Man & Starbucks Woman

I was out this Weekend with My Wife at The Godawful Grocery Store Battling the Mind Numbing Monotony of it All. You see Errands Irritate the Shit Out of Me it’s Not the Actual Act of Shopping its All the Other Assholes I have to circumvent or Deal with Outright. The One thing that was Amusing Me was the New Dunkin Donuts T-Shirt I found in My Closet (I can’t remember where it came from Initially.) which Read: Friends Don’t Let Friends Drink Starbucks.

I got a huge fucking kick as I am a Big Time Dunkin Donuts Fan I also fucking HATE THE SHIT OUT OF STARBUCKS always Have ALWAYS WILL. Starfuck’s Coffee is a bunch of Over Hyped and Over Priced Bitter Bullshit, and Not Only That but Starfucks Customers are Pretentiously Lame Lemmings. Starfucks Pompus Customers that get Off on all the Happy Hipster Horseshit like calling the Employees Baristas or the fucking Ridiculously Coded Names for Their Coffees.

My Wife stepped away for a Minute to retrieve some sort of Ass Cream. This was for the Sole purpose of having Me ask Why She was Buying Ass Cream, and then Her Saying “It’s for My Asshole.” before Handing it Directly To Me with a Sly Smile. I like to see that I rubbed off on Her a Bit over the Years even if its My Absurd Sarcastic Sense Humor.

While My Wife was off Getting Her Prop so She could Set Me Up a Woman came Strolling By. Then out of fucking No Where She stops right in from of Me. She stood there Facing Me glaring like She just smiled the Foulest Fart imaginable with one Hand on the Shopping Cart Handle and the Other on Her Waist. She remained standing thee like that before finally speaking the fuck up, and when She did She Said “I HATE Your Shirt.” in a Totally Pissed the fuck Off tone of Voice.

After making Her Spite Filled Statement She again just Stood there in front of Me Disapprovingly like a Angry ass Soccer Mom or Some shit. Now Normally I’d have a Clever and Bitter Response that would have Leveled Her, BUT I was completely Blind Sided by This Barrage of Bullshit. So going with My Knee Jerk Reaction I Blurted out “Well Fuck You Too.” To My Surprise the Woman remained Standing Unfazed by My Harsh and Foul Mouthed Response.

The Two of Us remained in this bizarre Stand Off until luckily for Me My Wife returned. She immediately knew something weird was going on by the Scowl on My face. She asked what was going on, and I informed Her this Stranger had Stopped specifically to tell Me she Hated My Shirt. That and at that Point I had responded with the exclamation “Well Fuck You Too.” My Wife looked over at the Lady and said to her something about being a Starbucks Lover (aka Dunkin Donut Hater) to which The Strange Woman confirmed.

I was still a bit baffled by this bullshit scenario because She didn’t say She Hated My Shirt Jokingly, She didn’t say it Sarcastically, and She didn’t do the Whole “I’m only half Joking because really I’m being a Dick using a Backhanded Compliment.” She simply got in My face and Told Me She Hated My Shirt with No Context or Emotion other than Repulsed Disgust.

A Moment or Two after Admitting Her comment was Pro Starbucks Driven the Woman finally Turned and slowly walked away pushing Her Shopping Cart with Aggravated Determination. Seconds after the Woman Exited the Isle a Man came by and informed Me he liked the Shirt and thought it made all the sense in the World. He pointed out How this Weirdo Woman’s reaction only served to back the Statement written on My T-Shirt. Thats because Starbucks Coffee is Not just a fucking Scam, BUT Their Customers are Stuck the fuck Up Elitist Coffee Assholes to boot.

We finished Our Shopping Trip without Running into the StarBucks Bitch again which I guess is for the Best since I ended up getting rather Pissed Myself after the Fact. The funny fucking thing is Out of ALL (I have an extensive Collection I’ve Accumulated over My Many Years on this Planet) T-Shirts that I Own This was the One that Pissed Off Someone to the Point They had to Personally Inform Me of Their Hate. I mean in all actuality have some T-shirts that are So Offensive I don’t wear them in Public Anymore, Yet its NOT because Someone Confronted Me over any of Them. I’m just trying to Save Myself Bullshit Run Ins like The One I just Wrote About.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Word Play Redefining Definitions

Do those who ay Not Know the Washington post has a Yearly contest for it Readers. Readers are asked to come up with New Alternate Meanings for Commonly used Words.

We are Happy to Present this Years Winning Entries. We only regret We were Not provided with the Author’s Names, BUT We would Love to by Each of Them a Drink or Two or Three.

This is a Excellent Example of Creativity OVER Technologies Inane, IQ Lowering, Mindless Drivel that the Tech Industry Pumps out on a Massive Scale on a Daily fucking Basis, But I Digress.

Winners are Listed in NO Particular Order, Enjoy.

Coffee,n. The Person upon Whom One coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by Discovering how much Weight One has Gained.
Abdicate, v. To give up ALL Hope of ever having a Flat Stomach.
Esplanade, v. To attempt an Explanation while Drunk.
Negligent, adj. Absent Mindedly answering the Door when wearing only a Nightgown.
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent
Lymph, v. To Walk with a Lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, n. Emergency Vehicle that picks up Someone who has been run over by a Steamroller.
Balderdash, n. A Rapidly Receding Hairline.
Testicle, n. A Humorous Question on an Exam.
Rectitude, n. The Formal, Dignified bearing adopted by Proctologists.
Pokemon, n. Rastafarian Proctologist.
Oyster, n. A Person who sprinkles Their conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. The Belief that, after Death, the Soul flies up onto the Roof and gets Stuck There.
Circumvent, n. An Opening in the Front of Boxer Shorts worn By Jewish Men.

There You have it 2019’s Washington Post’s Contest Winners, and again Excellent Job to Everyone Involved.

Can’t wait to Enter Ourselves come 2020.

Thanks for Reading,

Presented by Les Sober

The Gaming Conundrum

Why doesn’t spacedog post as much as he should? The title of this blog basically explains it all.

While I cannot tell you why I am even play certain games that suck it always ends the same. With massive upheavals or drama.

I have a few moments I’m a bit more proud of then others.

My ultimate favorite is i got into one of the top 2 or 3 guilds in a castle invander style mobile game. Things went well at first until I simply asked about the discord. It was during some event and whoever was running the guild was too stupid/lazy to make one. SO I got the boot cuz i disrupt some event. No warning nada.

Then my revenge. It all started with some simple trooling nothing to brag about honestly. People do really hate when you shit on their kids though. Dude sent me a death threat. He got banned.

Then another person was really annoying me. Hardcore. They had a facebook linked account. I will not divulge my methods of madness but this occured in the end. I found a programming flaw in under an hour and got into their game account. Sold everything they owned. Flamed the chat room some after changing their name 10 times with their premium currency.

Honestly i haven’t had that much fun in a chat room since the AOL heyday. People gave out passwords like the oceans gave out salt. Nothing nefarious was done on my part. I had friends get credit card numbers through instant messages.

The best chat room was caller GNN. It probably only lasted for less than a year but it was basically 99 people chat rooms but you had the option to change your handle every 5 minutes.

Oh did we. We’d be ourselves, the elderly and 12 year olds mostly (we were 15 not a huge stretch). The best is when we got some dude to show up at a 7-11 to meet a nonexistent girl. This may have been the longest period of sustained laughter in my life when he showed.

Otherwise the game and chat shenanigans are relatively boring. Calling someone names, getting too drunk, hitting on someone in an unamusing (to them) way.

Right now I think I am having a fight about math. Seriously. Just when i didnt think it could get any nerdier. It really doesn’t matter though the game sucks. I will win either way. If i get kicked i quit and if i legit win my arguement i may actually lose. Conundrum.

It’s like coffee though. You have a bad cup or 2 to get your fix. ALL addiction is the same. I probably did something else ridiculous that i can’t really recall. I can’t think straight.

Time for my sludgy morning joe.

By SpaceDog

Text-A-Rama: Another Round of Absurd Insanity

Yup you got it I’m here to dish up another heaping helping of Late Night Texting (between SpaceDog and My self) served Insanity Side Up with a side of Shit Talking.

SpaceDog: Also you can add “hey Goggle, fuck off” to the list of Fucks. So i either have a broken heater or my upstairs neighbor has the loudest vibrator known to man. Overtime i hear the loud buzz i turn up my tv as loud as possible (or music) and no matter what after 10 minutes it goes away. What the fuck could it possibly be if not the heater making the bitch of a buzz noise? My heater has not ran as further reference.

Les: I agree fuck Google, fuck’ed straight to the 9th circle of Hell for all I fucking care, search shit engine. What kind of heating do you have exactly I don’t remember from my visits. My brain is like a fucking Old Car. Its still runs but it takes a few minutes to warn the hell up. Dunno did you change the Filter?

SpaceDog: Baseboard like a basehead. isn’t basehead the original crackhead?

Les: Oh well fuck the filter idea. LMFAO. Yeah before crackheads were baseheads. Its the fucking evolution of Crack Cocaine! Before crack people freebased combining Cocaine and Baking Powder into a smokable form of powder. Richard Pryor set himself on fucking fire free basing.

SpaceDog: Probably the fuck not they don’t do shit around here.

Les: Been there and I had to fucking pay an HOA quarterly for doing DICK. Home Owning Assholes.

SpaceDog: Yo these asses left the sprinkler on during a nor easter which wouldn’t have been bad but it was set to go off so it would pound against my windows every 4 hrs for 15 minutes. I had to go out in the rain climb through bushes, throw the sprinkler into the lawn, wade threw bushes and mud and shut the fucker off.

Les: What kind of dumbfuck leaves the sprinkler during a fucking nor Easter?! Even if the sprinkler timer is pre set they could hit the kill switch or some shit to shut it down. Goddamn thats a bunch of unnecessary horseshit. I’d be pissed as hell too. Who needs that shit.

SpaceDog: So like literally after i get this urge to write in the silence my apartment is making all kinds of noises. LOL. I have not wanted to sit in silence since i stopped living with Eon 8 fucking years ago. In other news, the top breaking news tonight is Kanye realized he was being used by Donald and is staying away from politics. Lmfao

Les: Trump played Kanye the way Kim Jong-un played fucking Dennis Rodman LMFBO!!! Kanye is the African American’s answer to Alex “Asshole” Jones. Holy Fuckster 8 years is a fucking Prison sentence. EON A-LA-CRACKHEAD with a guitar, the coffee house crackhead cunt.

SpaceDog: Kanye the past 2 years is like Clint Eastwood talking-to that chair for 2 years straight.

Les: Lmfbo true. I want to see a fight between Charlie”Tigers Blood” Sheen Vs. Kanye “Dragon Energy” West.

SpaceDog: Hey u discovered any good way to make things disappear from continue watching on Netflix? I wish i could relabel this section Things That Suck Ass and Baited Into Subtitles because all you lazy fucks translated was the title.

Les: No I wish I had. Baited into subtitles LOL! I’ve seen foreign movies on Netflix with NO Subtitles or Over Dubbing so if you don’t speak the language your outright fucked. Working on a List of Fucks part 2. There were so many more Lmfao.

SpaceDog: Didn’t realize there were that many more.

Les: I didn’t either until I started thinking about “Fuck….” all over again.

SpaceDog: So hopefully i don’t sleep tonight as long as yesterday. I slept from 11:30 pm to 5 pm. Ok i got coffee at 7 and that kept me awake till 9 but thats a bit more sleep than i’d prefer.

Les: Sounds like you have Rip Van Winkle Syndrome or some shit.

SpaceDog: I feel like i have either strep, Legionaries or mono.

Les: Perhaps Narcolepsy or a bad bout of boredom Lmfbo!

SpaceDog: Walking pneumonia is another possibility.

Les: Thats Sucks Snail Scrotum. Being sick sucks Blue Whale Balls for sure. Goddamn disease. Fuck disease.

SpaceDog: Grocery shopping when sick sucks ass. I literally went down every aisle and realized all that was in my cart were peppermints.

Les: I might think about hitting up a fucking doctor just in case. better safe than dead. YOLO Peppermints riding SOLO!

SpaceDog: I have 3 antibiotics laying around. Was thinking of taking copra but idk why 1 tbh. My sickness started when i started hearing that noise. Go figure. Woo hoo i have a porn app on my phone I’m officially an old perv.

Les: Porn App you dirty old fucker, you use an app?! I just hit up Youporn on my phone if need be.

SpaceDog: Its android only ask file from videos.com

Les: PornHub Ve. YouPorn. Stumpfucker Films is all Amputee Porn.

SpaceDog: Im finally out of mental and penile anguish from seeing a prolapsed butthole.

Les: Dear fucking God thats a seriously fucked up thing to see, burns into your fucking brain forever.

SpaceDog: Can we make a show for Netflix? I mean if haters back off was a show why can’t i just go around filming ivy savage all day?

Les:Where the hell did you see some sick shit like that at?!! Netflix is a good fucking question you got me there.

SpaceDog: I really just want to see a rim job but whatever fucking site i was on i guess i included too many search words and boom it was all hanging the fuck out.

Les: Case of Mangled Rectal Trama. Can you take a shit with a prolapsed asshole?! What if you tied 2 prolapsed rectums together?! Can you blow it up like a fucking balloon animal?!

SpaceDog: Not just like oh your asshole is swollen from a hard fuck, no i mean i probably saw prostate. Idk I’m glad i didn’t have that picture in my head when the lady at hurry back inn told me about her reversed bowels 15 years ago.

Les: Reversed Bowels?!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?! Lmfba!

SpaceDog: I miss Leonard’s

Les: Leonard’s? Bloody Stool is my new favorite band.

SpaceDog: The bar on Crocker rd in Spamilton that was near my parents house.

Les: Oh OK I have no memory of that bar, then again I don’t remember a whole hell of a lot from most bars.

SpcaeDog: Its some pizza bar now. I don’t miss the other bar on that street. All i remember is it was the first time in my life i incited an angry mob. The other were at mcguinns and at the lottery ticket machine.

Les: Lmfao what the hell was the angry mob thing about because it sounds entertaining.

SpaceDog: Which One? LOL

Les: Any and all of Course.

SpaceDog: Was so crunk i thought i was at a gay bar and got catty at some random dude and he took it as fighting words, then started shit with a different dude. Mcguinns got kicked out for being overly intoxicated but stole 3 cell phones on the way out (pre smartphone era)

Les: Catty and Crunk sounds like a fucking crime tv cop buddy detective shows from the fucking 70’s.

SpaceDog: Lottery machine i stuck money in the scan winning ticket hole and the machine went completely dead with a line of like 30 people behind me. Machine went completely dead for 5 minutes but then took 5 more to reboot.

Les: Why the hell did it need to Reboot?!

SpcaeDog: Quite possibly the 10 longest sober minutes of my life. Took a hammer to them after not finding any kompromat on them.

Les: Thats a real Lottery Machine Motherfucker.

SpaceDog: I aslo lost a sneaker in mcguinns so i came home with 1 shoe. Like hell i was going back for it though LOL

Les: LOL think we have all been there with the coming home drunk to sober up with one less shoe. Fuck and No I wouldn’t have gone back for it either.

SpaceDog: That literally was the only time i walked solo to mcguinns. I was more a crystal diner take teenage boys in the bathroom to do shots with me.

Les: a Bathroom Bar. Sounds like Ye Old Crystal Diner. I knew it well. Used to go there with The Arminian, Eon, and Homicidal Hippy when we were dealing drugs together.

SpaceDog: Its the route 1 diner now. Not 24 hrs. Shittsville has zero 24 hrs shit now. Quite possibly the only WaWa gas station on Earth that closes.

Les: Last time I went to the Crystal Diner I ran into Jack Off Jimmy V who tried to be a condescending cunt and get in my face for being stoned as well as drunk, and I was all I used to be your fucking drug dealer you bitch ass bitch. What Jimmy didn’t know is though we hadn’t seen each other in several years I still knew the shit that happened to him i that time the dumb twat. I informed him I knew of his addiction to Tart heroin followed by rehab and then a full scale metal breakdown (schitzophrenia I think)SO FUCK THAT JACK OFF.

SpaceDog: Yeah judgey people suck. Thats pretty fucking funny.

Les: What?! No longer open 24 hrs and with a cliche stupid ass name that really fucking sucks. RIP Crystal Diner a True Dive Diner.

Les: This Fucks list part 2 is actually longer than the original. Lmfao! Original word count was 1,063. Part 2 word count is 1,255.

SpaceDog: Are there repeat fucks or original fucks only?

Les: Don’t think there any repeats, hope fucking not. Its hard to keep count it gave me a fucking migraine but i HATE doubles, it looks like your stacking the deck and bullshit like that.

SpaceDog: Yeah i sure as all hell don’t feel like counting. Reading the first list of fucks was exhausting and made me feel dirty.

Les: Lmfao Exactly. I figure if there just so happens to be a repeat no one will every notice unless they have some serious fucking OCD. Also .49 cent Sushi is My Wife’s new favorite band. I just created a word SLUNT. Definition: A Slutty Cunt.

+End Transmission+

Thanks for Reading,

Brought to You By,

SpaceDog

Les Sober