Tag: communication problems

Lollipop Chainsaw Ep.2: This Fucking Guy

Let me recap though there isn’t that much to cover.

I woke up so to speak or came to rather I was smack dab in the middle of one hell of a shit storm let me tell you.

I was in some sort of vehicle that crashed where I don’t have a fucking clue.

I’m not alone though there is some Guy with me who seems like he’s a real tool.

Then again how would I know he’s a complete stranger.

And this Guy tells me there are others AND that it’s vital we find them if they aren’t ALREADY DEAD.

The way I see it its the same fucking thing really isn’t it?!

We’re going to locate them even if its just their corpses.

The actual question is simply will we find a Living Body or a Dead One.

Back to the Action….

I don’t know if this Guy is really my superior or if he just thinks he is.

You know what I’m saying?

He’s one of those self righteous assholes who assumes where ever it is they are that they are inevitably in charge.

This Guy keeps insisting that we have to get move faster.

We were just in a major fucking crash, I mean what the fuck does this asshole want from me.

Going where exactly?!

I sure as hell haven’t a clue where we are does He?!

I’m going to say nothing for now as my stratagy.

Or I’m going with it for now anyway.

It’ll give me a chance to see what this Guy is all about.

The less I say the more he’ll let his guard down allowing me to see who the fuck He REALLY is..

Then I can catch a glimpse to help assess if this fuck is truly a FRIEND or FOE.

I shook my head No and held out my hand in the classic “After You” pose, and off we go.

Looks like he’s leading us down the beach towards a Peninsula that lies far in front of us.

My fucking legs are aching like a Old Man’s.

I hope we get off this goddamn Beach soon the walking on sand shit is killing me I’m sure of it.

The best thing I can do here is Day Dream to escape the monotony of the March down this fucking cursed Beach.

I like this day dream it’s the one where I’m  back home in my shitty apartment sitting on the couch I found sitting on the curb.

There I eat really crappy for you junk food, watching the most mindless of “Reality” tv shows, and doing a shit ton of Bong Hits.

The Dream is wonderful because NOTHING is going on to give a shit about.

Unlike here where I now seem to be giving a shit about every tiny fucking thing.

Jesus this Guy rambles on non fucking stop like some sort of  Propaganda machine thats developed a basic consciousness.

He keeps repeating that we need to reach the peninsula and set up a base camp.

Its survival protocol that we establish Shelter, start a fire, and Locate a fresh water source He informs me.

That and we can start to search for the Others at the break of dawn.

Again by the dim light it could be the crack of dawn right fucking now.

It could also be the last of a lingering Twilight as Night moves swiftly in.

Fucking Emergency. Fucking Protocol.

And this fucking Guy whats next?!!

*Look for Lollipop Chainsaw Ep.3: When do We divert to Cannibalism?!*

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Idiot Ian the Tow Truck Schmuck

My car took a shit on me 2 hours (and just short of the State Line) from My Home Office. At first it was no Big Deal as I just called up My Auto Insurance Company’s Road Side Assistance for a helping hand. They sent a Tow Truck Driver over who jumped the car which came alive in an instant, and my Wife and I went on our way.

One exist down the road the Car absolutely shit the bed. Lights didn’t work neither did the gauges as it was apparent that the Alternator had up and Died. We pulled over on an industrial side road, and set up a Tow for the next morning as it was 8:30 pm on a Sunday in The Southern Country.

The following Morning We had decided to have the Car towed to a near by shop where it broke down since towing it to our usual mechanic shop would cost around $300. My Wife called up the Auto Insurance Company, and gave them the new tow info. They said that they would dispatch a Driver, and that if he had any questions that he would contact us. And boy did he.

The Tow Truck Driver was named Ian, and over the course of 4 or 5 phone calls Ian couldn’t follow a single direction my Wife gave him. Now for those wondering I have no idea why he wasn’t using GPS. He finally admitted once again that he was STILL on the WRONG Road, and that he’d call back if he couldn’t get himself turned around. We finally got a text confirmation from Ian that he had dropped the Car off at the specified Mechanic Shop.

After a while We got curious as to why we hadn’t heard from the Mechanic yet so being pro active We called Him. What he said blew my fucking mind. The Car in spite of Ian’s fucking text WASN’T THERE. Affectively my Car was now lost in some shit town 2 hours away across state lines.

We immediately called our Insurance company who called the Tow company (as the said Tow company like all others was contracted with my Insurance company) to find out what the hell happened.

What had happened was this. The Mechanic we were using had 5 separate locations in the area all called Timber Auto, AND the one We had our Car Towed to (WHICH was a recommendation from our Insurance Company) had been sold. The new owners were called Martinez Mechanic Shop.

NOW Ian the Asshole Tow Truck Driver could have called his Dispatcher, The Insurance Company OR Us to inquire what was going on because obviously theres something wrong. Ian in his infinite idiocy CALLED NO ONE and just dumped my Car there no if ands or buts.

The Insurance Company arranged for Asinine Ian to go fix his fuck up by retrieving my Car from where he left it and tow it to the actual Mechanic we were using. AGAIN after a couple of hours We again hadn’t heard shit from the Mechanic so I called him once again.

The Mechanic said he hadn’t had any Tow Truck Driver’s check in with him, but he would go eye ball his lot just to make sure since things were already going shitty. He got back on the phone and informed me my car WAS THERE, BUT Ian hadn’t checked in with the Mechanic opting again to just dump my car and fucking leave.

This pissed me off because until I heard from the Mechanic that the car was there (obviously I didn’t give a flying fuck about the cocksucking Tow Company who employed Ian the Jackass) it was still Missing. The Mechanic coped a attitude because Ian didn’t check in raised a HUGE concern for the Mechanic as far as Liability and the Law is concerned.

I took a minute to remind the Mechanic that I DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IAN THE HUMAN ACCIDENT and as the owner of the Car in question I’m the most pissed of fucking all. We had been working on this Tow starting at 7:40 am and it was 1:15 pm before my Car made it to the correct Mechanic due to the Stupidity of the Tow Truck Schmuck Ian the Inane.

Still craving the idea of caving Ian’s idiotic shit filled skull in with a Ball Peen Hammer, I decided to lodge a complaint with my Insurance company since this shit was completely FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE.

I talked to a very polite and apologetic young man who helped me file my complaint, and then he went above and beyond. He was so absolutely taken aback by what he had heard that he was calling the Tow Company Directly to inquire to as what the fuck was going on with their dips hit driver. I sat on hold while he called, and the Tow Company tried to pin the whole shit show on the address bullshit to which I pointed out that Ian should have called someone over the confusion instead of just dropping my car and fucking off like a Dick.

In the end everything worked out, but what a Shitnado to have to deal with especially after the Double Emergencies of the Day before, and those are to stories for another time and another post so…

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober